Mahatma’s "I almost forgot to do these" Picks (1-1)

So thanks to the impotent Bungle offense, I lost last week. Have I mentioned I hate the Bengals?

Anyway, here’s some other picks to lose money off of.

Buffalo Bills @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-6)

Everyone is on Buffalo’s jock after the thorough whooping they gave the Seattle Seahawks but really we can’t take much stock in the first game of a season where an opponent has to fly cross country to play a team they know nothing about. Bills though looked impressive and will have a much stiffer test as they play the Jags this week. The Jags got "outphysicaled" last week and in the process are now without 4 of their top 9 linemen. For a team that’s physical up front, that’s not good.

Buffalo’s D is much improved from a year ago and now has ex Jagoff, Marcus “tiny” Stroud. Stroud should enjoy facing back up guards and this should only open things up for the defense. David “stop calling me Leftwich” Garrard won’t be able to rely on his running game and this week he can’t rely much on his passing game as The Jaguars are also thin at wide receiver with injuries to Dennis “Drop” Northcutt and Troy “I’m bad” Williamson and Reggie “Being the best receiver on this team is like being the smartest kid with down syndrome” Williams but hey at least Jerry “I was awesome in a 4 game stretch in 2004” Porter should be back.

The Jags got tore up through the ground last week and have an even stiffer test against Marshawn “GAWD” Lynch. I fully expect Jacksonville to rebound in that department but I really like Buffalo here. At full strength this is another story but with so many injuries, Buffalo should gut this out with a late field goal. Bills also have the best special teams in the league.

Buffalo – 23

Jacksonville - 20

Pittsburgh Steelers (+6) @ Cleveland Brown

Everything looks too good about this game that even ESPN is hyping the Steelers up as the de-facto AFC favorites which is hilarious because they thought the Steelers wouldn’t even make the playoffs a week ago. The thing about hype is that the Steelers always played horrendously being the hunted.

Can the Browns take advantage? Not likely. They are exceptionally banged up all over with significant injuries to the secondary. Heck they have even placed calls to White Boy to utilize his 7.5 40 speed. Unfortunately, White Boy had a Yankee game to watch so he declined. Sad to say, this secondary is already bad to begin with so I expect the Steelers to do the exact opposite and run the football. That will show them!

Cleveland is already talking about this being a playoff game so I expect them to come out firing and grab an early lead. Steelers will get down and than go no huddle and shit all over the Stains. Steelers come back and win but Cleveland covers. Pittsburgh has won the last 9 over the Browns.

Pittsburgh - 27

Cleveland - 23

Week 2 Picks, A Brooklyn Hillbilly Production

Im 2-0. Start hatin, haters!

Good thing he wears gloves, wouldnt want his hands to get cold. Still the best fan outfit ever.

San Diego(-1) at Denver (O/U 45.5):
Let me say this, the Chargers MUST win this game, they can't afford to have shitty starts in consecutive seasons. Is it more important to win at the end of the year? Sure, but falling two games back to Denver in the division will have severe consequences this year. The Broncos looked great last week, and Cutler seems to be living up to the hype, for one week at least. The Chargers cant count on this Broncos team to self-destruct this season, and may have to get used to the sight of Denver ahead of them in the standings.

Now, that being said, Denver scored a grand total of 6 points in games against the Chargers last year, compared to 64 for San Diegans. The spread wont be so great this year, but you have to think the Chargers are gonna put up 35 against the Broncos in one of their games this year. I don't think this will be the one. The Mile High advantage, plus the fact that Shawn Merriman joins Tiger Woods and Tom Brady on the couch will limit the Chargers ability to pressure Cutler, allowing him to gain another week of experience and about 200 yards with 2 TDs. LT and Rivers still play for the Chargers, however, and will make their impression felt. I'm seeing a great game here, a nail-biter that goes to the last 3 minutes. The professional in me says the Chargers cover, but the sentimental side of me has the Broncos with the upset, 24-21.


Who wears short shorts? My starting fantasy tight end apparently.

New Orleans at Washington (Pick 'em, 41.5):
Obviously, the biggest news here is Marques Colston's injury. The second biggest news would be the Redskins coaching staff's apparent incompetence at life. You cant be too harsh on Zorn though, it was his first game as HC. But you would think he knows that with six minutes left in the game, you might need to try and win it. Regardless, 10 days to think over the loss and absorb criticism will leave this a stronger team. If Jason Campbell can figure out his teams offensive system that is.

Washington will try to win this game with Portis and Campbell not making mistakes while the D tries to shut down a less explosive New Orleans offense. I don't think this will happen. Reggie Bush seems to be coming into his own as a hybrid RB/WR(cant wait til hes listed as that in fantasy, he would become an instant top 5 pick), and Drew Brees will be his normal productive self. I don't like the Saints to have a great game, but the Skins will dig a bit deeper hole for themselves. I see the Saints pulling this one out, at 20-14.

I have nothing to add, this is just a great picture.

Immigration is just not working, they'll let anyone in

I think David Ortiz's english has gotten progressively worse. That was funnier to watch than Papelbon being his eccentric self.

Devo's Picks Pt. 1 (1-1)

(Home team in CAPS)

Green Bay (-3) over DETROIT

Lost in the Aaron Rodgers/Brett "Gunslinger" Favre shuffle is this: Green Bay had a pretty damn good all around team last year. Sure Brett Favre had his best season in years, but between Ryan Grant, Aaron Kampman, Al Harris and Charles Woodson among others, Green Bay also had their best team around Favre in years. Lest we forget, Brett Favre was one of the worst players on the field against the Giants last January. I'm not saying that Aaron Rodgers would have led the Pack to the Super Bowl, just that they are certainly a quality team without the Gunslinger. As long as Aaron Rodgers is decent, and I think he will be, this team will be fine. Oh, and Detroit? Yeah, right.
Green Bay 24 Detroit 13

Hey ESPN guys, learn English!

A few minutes ago, I heard Darren say something about how the Steelers are going to "outphysical" their opponent this week.

Is it asking too much of self-appointed professional wordsmith Darren Woodson to not make up his own words? Hey Darren, I don't have any degrees from the prestigious Bristol University, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be difficult for the Steelers to "out-physical" anyone.

Devo, Pittsburgh looked pretty good last week, they can definitely do it again.

Agreed, the Steelers are a good football team, but there is a 0% chance that they will "outphysical" Cleveland. Why? BECAUSE 'OUTPHYSICAL' IS SIMPLY POOR ENGLISH!!! When someone outlasts another team, they last longer than said team. The verb "to last" is an actual verb. Thus, to outphysical some team implies that 'to physical' is a verb. Well, I'm not saying that Darren Woodson (who may not have coined the term, but certainly used it 5 minutes ago) is making up words; but I am offering 600 shares of stock in Straight Up Sports Inc. to anyone who can find the verb 'to physical' in a dictionary.

And no, the Urban Dictionary doesn't count.

What really grinds my gears: some things that are annoying me in the world of sports and a bonus anti-rant

1) People like Mike Tirico, who have no team allegiance, who think you can't be happy about Brady's injury: Look, as a fan of an NFC team who beat a healthy Patriots team in the Super Bowl; I can't say I was particularly giddy that Brady got hurt. My animosity towards him has greatly been alleviated since that wonderful day in early February. However, Steelers and Jets fans are perfectly within their rights to be thrilled about Brady's injury. Brady is not dead, his little girl is totally healthy, he has more money than any of us could dream of having, and he has a model girlfriend. Oh and he has 3 rings too. Furthermore, his injury was not to the brain, neck or spine; areas that would seriously impact his daily functioning and life after football. If any of these aforementioned traumas afflicted the NFL's best player; I would feel truly bad for him. However, his injury will just force him to miss 1 NFL season. I don't understand why anyone is supposed to feel bad for him; that is, unless you are a Pats fan, Bill Bellicheck or owner Robert Kraft. Again, as a fan of an NFC East team; I will somewhat miss watching the Michael Jordan of the NFL on a regular basis. However, I would be in heaven if I was a Jets or Steelers fan right now. Lastly, I am sick of these media types who have lost their sports souls by entering into broadcasting and journalism. I can somewhat tolerate this but not when you get on your high horses and act like sports fandom requires the same level of manners, cordiality and love for your fellow man/woman that real life does. Sports is a vehicle for us diehards to have a catharsis and get away from our daily lives and concerns. It allows us to get out our more primodial urges. We don't wish real harm on these athletes; we just want our teams to win badly ( at least us somewhat normal diehards). Please understand this and stop being high and mighty about something that is just for fun.

2) Ocho Cinco mania- This was cute when his name was still Chad Johnson and when he actually was a dominant receiver. The fact is, outside of a great regular season in 2005; Ocho Cinco has been all talk and no walk. He runs his mouth every week and then gets shut down by the NFL's elite and good corners. Last week he had 1 catch as his offense was abysmal while taking on an old Raven's defense. I don't even mind that he changed his name; I just wish the media, have that read espn, would stop interviewing him all the time as if he was a legitimate superstar like Peyton, LDT or TO.

3) Overreacting to Week 1: well in most cases- Obviously the Patriots and Chargers fans have reason to be sick over the events of week 1. The Pats lost Brady for the year and the Bolts lost its best, if not roid enhanced, defensive player Shawn "Lights Out" Merriman. However, no other team, with the exception of possibly the Jaguars;who are losing Offensive Lineman like Mcain will lose swing voters in the election, have any real reason to be overly concerned after 1 week. Sure the Seahawks and Browns looked horrendous in ugly losses to the Bills and Cowboys respectively and clearly the Skin's coach has not mastered the concept of running a hurry up offense down 2 possessions in the game's waning moments. However, you don't have any idea how most teams will fare during the remaining 16 weeks of play. If the Browns beat the Steelers in the the Burgh this weekend and the Rams beat the champs in STL this weekend; then what was the all the hysteria from Browns and Rams nation (are there any Ram's fans?) in week 1 for? (if the latter happens I will be muy not happy)

4) Yankees quitting- I will be the first to admit I am a very spoiled Yankees fan. I consider this team, that will finish up with 83-85 wins, to be a pathetic group. This will be the first year since I started rooting for the Yanks that the club will not play baseball in October. However, it is more than a little irritating when I see the Blue Jays and Astros, who are as realistically out of it as the Yanks are, playing inspiring ball down the stretch. I blame Girardi and a band of lazy millionaires, I"m looking at you Cano and Abreu, for not even putting up a fight in this last month of the year. I am truly embarrassed to be a Yankee fan right now.

5) Anti-rant: Black dudes love my hat- I am not an Obama supporter because he is black, I am an Obama supporter because I agree with almost every position he espouses and because I believe he can fundamentally change politics in this country. However, I do like that when I'm in predominantly black neighborhoods like West Harlem and Morris Park in the Bronx, Black dudes either tell me directly hat they love my hat or give me a nod of approval as if to say; your pretty cool for a white dude from Long Island. I have enjoyed this, I won't pretend that I haven't.

Tuesday Was the Coolest Night Ever.

On Tuesday night, not only was I lucky enough to go to the Mets game, but I was able to STAND ON THE FIELD during the National Anthem. It was absolutely amazing and kind of a dream come true. It is also probably my last trip to Shea Stadium, so I think it was a hell of a way for me to say goodbye. Let me explain how this wonderful happening came to be:
A friend of mine is doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and the Mets made a deal with the walkers: buy tickets for the September 9th Mets game against the Nationals for a discounted price and then you can sell them for however much people want to donate to the cause. I planned to go with a few friends when I heard the next exciting piece of news. The Mets invited the Avon ticket holders to wear pink and then the first 2000 fans would be allowed onto the warning track during the National Anthem. My friend Mike and I got there, waited on line, and as we filed around Shea Stadium, we got own personal view of the front of CitiField. Next, we saw the back of the famed Apple and waited to be let onto the warning track. Lucky for us, there was more. The next surprise was that about 100 or so of us would be out in centerfield during the Anthem in the formation of the Breast Cancer ribbon! It was completely surreal being led out onto the field. We were close to players as they did sprints and drills. Some of the other fans were yelling out to the players because it was so so so cool. It all went quickly and before I knew it, we were being escorted off the field and back into the real world...but not before I grabbed a piece of grass for myself.
To make things even better, the Mets won the game, which was a slugfest. There were four Met homeruns, including two from Carlos Delgado. I can't find any pictures of the ribbon other than the ones I have from being in it, but I will keep on looking.

One more thing, today is September 11th and the Mets have today off. In a post from the summer or spring, I mentioned that of all days, today would be a great day to have a ballgame (perhaps between the Mets and Yankees as suggested by Gary Cohen). Obviously, in the grand scheme of things, baseball doesn't mean much. However, if I remember correctly, baseball and other sports played an important part in healing the country's wounds after 9-11-01. I'm sure that later on I will be reading about how the Mets and Yankees spent their days paying respects to the site and the families, but today could have been a great event.
~MissMet

Hitler comes to the New Meadowlands

Elwood: New Jersey Nazis.
Jake: I hate New Jersey Nazis.


Football fans and Jewish groups are outraged over the prospect of a new Giants and Jets stadium being named for German insurer Allianz because of its Nazi ties in World War II.

The company insured the Auschwitz death camp and had a chief executive serving in Hitler's cabinet. The company is on the short list of those vying to slap their name on the Meadowlands stadium in New Jersey via a lucrative sponsorship deal.

The possibility of what some saw as a former Third Reich enabler getting its name on their ballpark has some Big Blue and Gang Green fans vowing boycott.

"I think it's terrible, but that's the mighty dollar," Giants fan Keith Hayes, 33, said of the name.

"It would be an insult," said Abe Foxman, national director of the Anti-Defamation League. "It's putting their name in lights for generations to come."

I have no standing to write about this, as I'm not Jewish, I'm like 50% German and I'm not a Giants or Jets fan, but I have a question: How do you insure a death camp? I mean if a guy falls off a roof and breaks his neck, why even file a claim? Leave it to the Germans, in the middle of the greatest single act of genocide in history to keep all the paperwork in order and make sure they have coverage. You gotta imagine theres a high premium on that policy though.

As for Allianz, Ive heard of bad insurance companies before, and even some evil ones, but these guys take the cake. All the gory details are here, but suffice it to say that they make your HMO look like the Red Cross. Apparently, Allianz said they were sorry and paid a bunch of money to...someone for their misdeeds.

Look, when its down to brass tacks, you cant hold corporations, especially insurance companies, to high standards(like not cooperating in genocide) because you will always be disappointed. I don't know what more they could do, cuz I know there are still Jewish people out there who wont drive German cars, so it obvious that some people just never let things go. I know the mantra is "Never Again", but c'mon, this is New York, the most Jewish city in the Western Hemisphere. I think this probably isn't a big deal, at least until the New York Luftwaffe and the New York Wehrmacht start playing there. Then its time to worry.

What the hell happened...

to Kerry Collins. I remember when he didn't look 54 and he was leading Penn State to Rose Bowls. Heck Favre looks younger.

Athletes We Wouldn't Piss On If They Were On Fire Part 3: The Devo Edition

Every child grows up worshiping athletes as their heroes only rivaled by their love of the Ninja Turtles. But you know what? Most of these children grow up to be bitter and jaded, learning to hate their opponents as much as they loved their childhood heroes. And thus, SUS brings you the third of a series, "Athletes We Wouldn't Piss On If They Were On Fire."

As for my athletes, they all run along the same basic theme: You can't get on a rival for beating your team, but you sure as hell can hate on those who are/were on your team and screw the team over along the way.

1. Jeremy Shockey

Let's just say that his nickname went from "Mancrush" to "He whose name we shall not speak of" quicker than you can say "18-1." When he was going great, he gave the Giants a swagger that was unmatched by very few New York teams. Giant fans looked past the fact that he was frequently injured and dropped passes when healthy because of his ability to catch a pass, break a tackle, and make Roy Williams and Brian Dawkins look like White Boy in coverage. A fair amount of Giant fans thought of him as our favorite player.

1 broken leg later, Shockey got offended when he wasn't treated like a part of the team during their Super Bowl run, nevermind the fact that EVERY NFL TEAM treats their injured players this way. Shockey decided to try and mess with the mojo of a team completing a magical Super Bowl run and vowed to make the 2008 season a living hell if left in New York. And for that, Jeremiah, I hope that you discover some new STD's on Bourbon Street the hard way.

2. Scott Gomez

What separates Scott Gomez from Bobby Holik, John McLean, and Bruce Driver? When the former went to the Rangers, he wasn't past his prime, handcuffing his new team with his contract. No, Gomez was coming off a '06-'07 playoffs where he was the best player on the team, a one man power play unit. As a rule, most offensive forwards get sick and tired of playing in Lamoriello's kingdom, looking for greener pastures elsewhere; yet most players who left the Devils in their prime managed to avoid going to the Devils' chief rival. Not Gomez, who destroyed the Devils in the 1st round last year.

Sidenote: Gomez loves the NYC nightlife so much that I'm shocked Drunk Athlete had no photos of him. Maybe that's because the Drunk Athlete photographers don't frequent the gay clubs.


3. Jason Giambi

The problem with the first two athletes is that they hurt my team by leaving in the peak of a promising career. The problem with Giambi? He continues to stay around and mess with the Yankees. As White Boy has consistently said, a .400+ on base percentage does very little if a) you're only a .250 hitter and b) it takes a few hours for you to advance to second base. Sometime around 2003, when Giambi was having a terrible October (Yup, he was a force for all of one Yankee season, 2002. Lest we forget, for most of the 2k3 playoffs, Giambi, Boone, and Soriano were fairly automatic outs.) Praise Allah that his contract is finally ending after this season.

Oh, and two things:

1. Any Yankee fan who claims that they never wanted Giambi on the team: Are you a liar or do you have an amazingly selective memory? Hindsight is 20/20, Tino was a decent hitter at best in 2k1, and Giambi was coming off an MVP season for the A's. To the common fan, it made perfect sense. To someone who had the sabermetric knowledge to foresee that this would be a bad move-get a life, nerd.

2. During the 2003 World Series, I created what became the Giambi Doctrine which has become prophetic. It reads as follows, The Yankees will never win a World Series with Jason Giambi. Call me Elijah, yo.

And lastly as I write this, Pettite was about to pick off Mike Napoli at first. Pettite threw over, Napoli started for 2nd, and Giambi threw the ball over Jeter's head such that Jeter jumped for it and Napoli slid in safe. And for the record, the same thing happened to Damon last inning and he got thrown out.

LOVE THEM YANKEES!!!

Wednesday Morning Mahatma

The opening day of the NFL season is an exciting time for everyone. The promise of a new season. The promise of a new beginning. The hope. The dreams. I don't know what I like most about it. Maybe it’s that moment of thought in every fan’s mind that this could be the season. With all 32 teams now relevant also it proves to be even more exciting time as fans and yinzers alike support their team to no ends. Everything has such a better feel too. The air is cleaner, the alcohol is tastier and the aura of optimism filters through out. Heck even I'm less bitter.

That being sad, Sunday was the definition of how a team’s seasons can turn on a dime and a reminder to us all that the season’s hopes can get flushed at the snap of the ball.

I wouldn’t be doing my journalistic responsibilities if I didn’t address the news of the week. I don’t want to write off the Patsies just yet because it is foolhardy. Sure you can’t lose the best QB in football and not expect much of a drop-off but this team was arguably way less talented in 2001 and still won. Sure that might have been because of a Sony camcorder, but they still won.

The Pats are 1-0, and next play the Jets and Dolphins, before their bye in week 4. After that, they play teams like the 49ers, Rams and Cardinals, Jets and Dolphins again, Raiders and a Seattle team that looks average at best. They play Buffalo twice, and Denver. They aren’t done at all.

The real funny thing is hearing Randy Moss talk through all of this. You mean the same guy that quit on Aaron Brooks and Andrew Walter? Lets see what happens after Cassel misses an open Moss a few times.

Much of Chowda nation has already started whining. Cries of cheapshot and dirty play are flowing through out Boston similar to Dunkin Donuts coffee.

Still the dirtiest hit I've ever seen from one of dirtiest players in the league.

More pats going low...on purpose from last year:

Leg whip on a guy playing with a torn ACL. Definitely classy. Definitely Vrabel.

Look can’t we all just call a spade and spade and move on. The incessant whining by team double standard is irritating and the reason they are the most hated team around. Suffice to say these fans were probably the ones that weren’t around for the Pete Carroll days.

The karmic elements of this injury are the definition of irony. For three years now, Belichek has put Brady on the injury report with the same knee in his attempt to continue to play his psychology mindgames. The time he finally takes him off... WACK.

Now comes the true litmus test to see just how great a coach he is. Look, he can outcoach Herm and all but what about the rest? Is this going to be the season we recognize we officially christen Tom Brady the best QB of all time and realize that Belichek is only successful because of him?

Other thoughts over the weekend:

Watching ESPN post game coverage could anyone just notice the depressed state of the ESPN broadcasters? Poor Chris Berman. He was just beside himself.

I received word that on the Mike Tirico show there was talk about putting an asterisk on the season because Tom Brady’s injury. Really?

How rare is it that a rookie QB’s first pass of his career goes for a td like in the case of Matt Ryan? So rare that the last player to do that was Micheal Bishop. Go Google that.

The play call of the day was the double reverse by the Ravens against the Bengals. For one of the most inept offenses in the leagues, imagine the surprise to Marvin Lewis when they started reversing the field on those poor Bengals. Also props to Joe Flaccid for having a great block on the play to spring Mark Clayton.

Don’t be surprised to see Kerry Collins be the starter in Tennessee even when Vince Young returns from injury. Their defense is already in mid season form and they only need an offense to be average to contend in the AFC now. They looked to have a strong running attacked with speedster Chris Johnson but they also the fatback in Lendale White. The receivers are mediocre but there are enough guys there that can make plays provided they actually have an NFL QB throwing to them. Ditto Gus Frerotte in Minnesota.

Snap Judgements Because One game is all I have to go on:

The Jags and the Colts both had injuries on the offensive line that radically altered what they could do but both will still be around in January.

I’m not saying the Broncos will do anything this year but with another draft and free agency, they could be a playoff team again.

I think half of SUS is going to be signed by the Seattle Seahawks to be receivers. They lost Burleson for the year. Could SUS's own BH be the next Seahawk reciever?

Get your jock of the week: DeAngelo Hall. Wasn’t he the best corner in football? Oh right. Nope. A greenhorn rookie proved it.

San Diego linebacker Shawne Merriman: "I don't think I was slowed down much by the knee.'' – did he even play? I saw Merriman getting handled by Carolina Panther LT, Jordan Gross. This will further prove to the lemmings that Merriman is no longer dominant because he’s injured as opposed to, I don’t know, taking roids. Turns out he is out for the year. Karma part 2.

Micheal Oher, Matt Stafford, Vontae Davis of the week: St. Louis Rams. For a team that people were calling sleeper surely looked the exact opposite on Sunday. A truly dreadful performance where all sides of the football were exposed for the Rams. Special runner up to the Detroit Lions – getting murdered by a woeful Falcon team was more pathetic but at least they clawed back.

Rookie of the week: Matt Forte. I liked how he pulled away from the reigning NFL defensive player of the year, Bob Sanders. Cedric Benson couldn’t do that but that’s why he’s unemployed at the moment.

Nice duck there Favre. Am I the only one not creaming myself over his performance?

Unlike most, I think Tavaris Jackson can be a good one. Heck Giants fans should know this. Brad Childress was able to turn Donovan McNabb into something and Jackson has similar potential though no where near as polished as McNabb was coming out.

Aaron Rodgers might be the only success story out of the Jeff Tedford offense.

Marvin Lewis is going to be fired before week 8 -- odds now 2 to 1?

I'm getting one of these for Yinzer.

Jets/Dolphins Recap

12:15pm: Woke up, hungover and still in my jeans.

12:20pm: Checked cell phone messages. Most texts were from Jet fans getting me excited for the game. I then remembered it was Sunday. I didn’t care that my head hurt and my mouth was dryer than Hillary’s vagina, a new NFL season is here!

12:35pm: I showered, straightened up and even shaved.

12:38pm: Took a non-static cloth and some Windex and I wiped down my 46inch LCD TV. This was the first legit NFL game it was going to watch since the Superbowl. Best investment I’ve made in awhile

12:43pm: Brought my laptop downstairs to the couch, powered it up and prepared my fantasy teams

12:53pm: I checked all my fantasy teams (yes I am in 6 leagues and I don’t care how crazy it may seem, I rule and go F yourself) and was ready to begin

12:59pm: Forgetting I have a hangover and headache I wash down some Gatorade and 3 advil, ate like 3 crackers and busted out the Chinese food menus. Although, every time I looked at the menu I felt like puking.

1:05pm: KICK IT!!!

Every team is going to have their pre-game jitters on opening day and they usually carry over into the first quarter. The Jets might have more than most teams considering all the new faces they have on both sides of the ball, especially on offense with the most important position, the quarterback. But Favre is no ordinary QB. He’s a 16 year veteran who thrives off competition and just flat out loves to win. His passion and integrity for the game is very admirable. I’m not saying that Pennington lacked these same qualities but Favre is a real breath of fresh air as well as a boost for a playoff spot. This game was a lot closer than I was hoping it would be but it didn’t surprise me one bit. They certainly are going to need to play a lot better against a Bradyless Patriots team if they want to take lead of the division.


Offense C: Brett Favre says he knows about 75% of the offensive plays? I say that’s bullshit. I bet he barely knows half of them. And that’s what it looked like in Miami on Sunday. Take example the 4th and 13 hailmary to Chansi Stuckey, at the line of scrimmage he called for the same play, confusing the rest of the offensive unit. But god damn it worked! If that were Pennington throwing the ball, it probably wouldn’t have made it past the line of scrimmage. Favre gives the Jets the ability to go deep more often and I almost shot a load in my pants when he threw that 50yd bullet to Cotchery for the first score of the game. The running game has some signs of life though. Thomas Jones was hitting the holes nicely and even bouncing to the outside a couple times. As out-of-sync as they may have looked, they still put the ball in the end zone when they needed too, something Pennington or Clemens struggled to do for the team last season. Favre only got to practice with Coles twice before the game. Give their relationship some time to develop and Favre has another weapon to throw too during gametime.

Defense B+: I may be a little generous with the plus but it was certainly nice to see an opponent’s total rushing yardage under 50 for once. Mind you it was a young offensive line they were matching up against but no matter, it’s confidence to build going into next weeks matchup with the playboyless massholes. The starting 2 corners, rookie Dwight Lowery and Darrelle Revis played great games. Revis had Ted Ginn Jr. shutdown practically all day. Miami tried to exploit Lowery as a weakness but he certainly stepped up to the challenge and made a lot of key plays (especially on 4th and goal in the endzone). Calvin Pace looked better than I thought he would as he was aggressive and always in the backfield putting pressure on Chad. The defense did what every opposing defense has done against Pennington; never let him beat you deep. First because he can’t throw the ball that far, secondly because the closer he gets to the redzone the harder it is for him to get 6 on the board. So he threw 20 of his 26 passes to the TE’s and RB’s which what I’ve been accustomed to as a Jet fan for a very long time and it was nice not to see that during the game from Favre.

Special Teams D: They had good field position for most of the day but that was largely due to the defense keeping Miami’s offense from moving the ball. Mike Nugent hurt his leg in the 1st quarter leaving us without a kicker for more than half the game. Had Pennington scored on that last minute drive I probably would of drove to Favre’s new house and taken a shit on his lawn (he just bought a house in my old hometown) just because it’s close. It was real funny watching Kellen Clemens line up and practice kicking extra points.

Coaching B-: The defense did a good job of keeping the running game and the passing attack contained until the 4th quarter. Offense still needs some work considering all the talent they have on that side of the ball. It’s obvious that there was a lot of rust on the offense and defense and an early bye week will only help it. If both units can get their act together this is definitely a playoff team.

With Brady done for the season it seems almost unreal that the Jets have the best shot at winning the division. But I’m not counting out the Patriots, or the Bills for that matter, just yet. They are still the Patriots and the Bills have a lot of talent to challenge for the division as well. If the Jets can work the kinks out on offense and get more pressure on the quarterback I can sleep a little more easily knowing that winning the division is not as far as a reach as one Jet fan would have dreamed.

You know your young QB might be on his way to being a bust when...

he goes absent for a few hours and his family is worried that he offed himself. To paraphrase Mahatma, this certainly gives new meaning to the term vinsanity. Though the world has certainly come full circle when Kerry Collins is the most sane and rational QB on a team, eh?

A few thoughts about sports in general as I encroach on MissMet's, Mahatma's, and White Boy's turf.

ISSUE #1 Wagner having Tommy John surgery. See ya in '10?

It looks like the Sandman is breaking through Billy Wagner's front door and taking no prisoners. Not only is Wagner out for this playoff run, but looks like he's going to miss all of '09 as well. So in 2010, when Wagner is again healthy, he'll be going on 39 years and more importantly, a free agent.

As a Yankee fan who is indifferent, if not slightly pro-Mets, I gotta sympathize with this team and their fans. New York sports is roughly a tale of two fanbases, Giants/Yanks and Jets/Mets. As a member of the former fanbase, my baseball team owned the 90's, have made the playoffs all but one year this decade, and oh by the way, our football team had arguably the greatest if not most improbable championship run a few months ago. (Oh, and being a Devils fan? Yeah, that's had some advantages too.) And the latter fanbase? Not exactly the L.A. Clippers, but many more embarassing moments than us, including but not limited to: the '92 Mets, Yadier Molina, Generation K, Browning Nagle, Chad Pennington's shoulder, Vinny Testaverde's ACL, Blair Thomas, Johnny Mitchell, Ken O'Brien, and Rich Kotite. Most importantly, no championships in the last 20 years and only 3 since the Jets and Mets have come into existence.

All of this is to say that the Mets got screwed by the timing of the Wagner injury. They were having a season where they were not only making the playoffs, but becoming more and more likely to go deep into the playoffs. I'm not saying they were a lock to make the world series, but let's look at this logically. Couldn't you see them beating the Brewers? Sabathia has been a turrible postseason pitcher and every Sheets start is a DL visit waiting to happen. If the Mets beat the Brewers, they could've overcome the D-Backs, Dodgers, or Cubs because of lack of hitting, lack of talent, and lack of luck, respectively. Would they lose to the Angels/Sox/D-Rays? Probably. But they could have been fairly competitive. And in one 7 game series, who knows what can happen, just ask the '06 Cardinals. But without a closer, do they now even have a chance of surviving the NL? Maybe, but probably not.

Sorry Mets, but ya need a closer, and unless you're going to get 3-4 complete games each round, you're as likely to represent New York in the World Series as the Yankees.

ISSUE #2 The Stupidest People in the World Are...

the people who think that New England will be any worse than 8-8 without Tom Brady. They have one of the easiest schedules in the league and oh by the way, Randy Moss, Laurence Maroney, Adalius Thomas, and one of the better O-Lines in the league all have their ACL's. Will they win the Super Bowl? No. But they'll be no worse than 8-8.

ISSUE #3 Knicks say they're in no rush to trade Zach Randolph.

Somewhere, White Boy and buffet owners in Memphis shed a tear.

What did we learn class?

Yup. Payback's a motherfucker.

SHMUCKS PICKS

Oh baby, it’s that time of year, bust out them checkbooks and open that shoe box full of food stamps, lets gamble (or not)! There are a lot of good matchups this week and there could quite possibly be a couple upsets (Home teams underlined):

NEW YORK J..E..T..S JETS JETS JETS (-3) vs. MIAMI DOLPHINS –

I hate when players insist that “it’s just another game” or “I’m not seeking revenge” when they compete against their old team(s). You know damn well that’s a big part of their motivation and psyche going in to that game. Chad might be one of the more “professional” players in the NFL but I have no doubt in my mind he wants to shove his softball throwing arm up the New York Jets fat money spending ass. So what should be a meaning less division game to the rest of the world (other than Miami & New York) now has become a stronger rivalry.

If the Jets offensive line does their job than Favrra should have no problems picking the dolphins defense apart. They need to come out early with some big plays. Favre is still learning the Jets offense so I imagine Schottenheimer won’t be opening up the whole playbook just yet. It’s ideal that the Jets score first and maintain a lead.

Chad’s job is to keep the Jets defense on the field. He needs to manage the game to perfection and execute. If Miami can’t establish a running game then it’s going to be a long day for Pennington.

If all the talk is true about the offensive line and the chemistry Favre is building with the offense than I see no reason why this shouldn’t be an easy victory for the Jets. I don’t think there will be a lot of scoring but I definitely think they’ll cover the spread.

JETS 24, DOLPHINS 10

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (-3) vs. TENNESSEE TITANS –

These two teams met last season in the opener and the Titans upset the Jags 13-10. The Jaguars are the big favorite to challenge the Patriots in representing the AFC in the super bowl this season. Currently they’re hurting on offense; the line is banged up, Reggie Williams is questionable and Jerry Porter has been ruled out for the game. Although they’re more of a running football team, the Jags spent some money acquiring wide receivers (Jerry Porter, Troy Williamson, Dennis Northcutt) to replace the disappointing crackhead Matt Jones and the departed Ernest Wilford. One huge positive is David Garrard. He is on the stages of becoming an elite QB in this league.

More than I can say for Vince Young. His second season in the NFL was a disaster. I can’t even name any of their wide receivers. If Alge Crumpler is healthy, he can be the go to guy for Young like he was for Vick. But I don’t see that happening. If there is any bright spot for Tennessee its Chris Johnson. This is the year the Jaguars dethrone the Indianapolis Colts for the AFC South.

JAGUARS 17, TITANS 9

A cause for celebration: Last year's title not yesterday's victory over the Skins

Last night was cause for celebration. There were dramatic moments, climaxes and genuine excitement. The only problem was, this was only true of the pregame ceremony honoring the defending champion New York Giants. Strahan popping out of that Superbowl trophy got me harder than any girl ever has (okay that's not true but it was cool). The Fireworks, though not my style, definitely added to the festive atmosphere. The video tribute was fun as we got to relive our favorite month in modern sports history, that is January, 2008. (and first three days in February of course) However after the excitement of that was washed away, the game itself was horrible.

You could tell that this was a week 1 game for the Giants though it appeared that coach Jim Zorn of the Skins thought it was week 4 of the pre-season. His lack of urgency in the last 6 minutes of the game, trailing a team with an excellent defense and running game by two possessions, was comical for Giants fans and probably infuriated for Skins fans. The Giants came out firing as Eli found the great Plaxico with ease thanks in large part to his 6"6 frame and great leaping ability. Plaxico no doubt was fired up from the news that he will officially be donning the blue for the next 5 years thanks to a last minute contract extension. Congrats Plax you deserve it. We love ya. However, as great as Plaxico was and as solid as Eli was for much of the first 20 minutes; this was a horribly ugly football game, especially in the 2nd half.

The Defense A- The only reason I give them a minus is because of that horrible d it played in the final Skin's drive of the first half. Although they had great field position inside the Gmen's 45 yard line; leaving the only good player on Washington's offense wide open on 3rd and 12 is inexcusable. Doing so led Washington to its only score a 13 yard Touchdown reception for Santana, "don't call me Sinorice" Moss. However, the rest of the game the defense was completely dominant. Tuck and Kiwi were phenomenal rushing Campbell from the ends and Ross did his usual excellent job of coverage in the secondary. Oh and my man crush on Spags continues as he consistently brings pressure and does a brilliant job of play calling.

The Offense- C+- The offense in the first half should get an A- for scoring 16 points yet failing 3 times within the "green zone" as Coughlin and Eli call it. I think this is the area inside the other team's 40?? This unit will miss Shockey's dominance in this area all season long. However, Plax was brilliant as was Jacobs. Most importantly, the O-line continues to be one of the very best in the NFC if not the NFL. However, Eli was awful in the 2nd half. He threw a horrible pick way over the head of Kevin Boss into the waiting arms of Fred Smoot. He should have had several other passes picked but the Skins missed several opportunities to catch very interceptable (is that a word?) passes. Eli was not terrible overall but he needs to be smarter against better opponents if he wants to play more like he did in January than the way he did in November and December.

Special Teams- C- John Carney was very good filling in for the injured Lawrence Tynes. His kickoffs consistently reached inside the 5 yard line and he made a nice 46 yard field goal which proved critical in keeping the Skins at least 2 scores down for the balance of the game. However, the kickoff coverage was deplorable. The Skins had two kickoff returns of over 30 yards and one all the way to New York's 45. This unit was great in the playoffs and needs to return to this form if New York wishes to realistically contend in a great division.

Coaching- B+- This grade reflects the mean of Spag's A++ and Gilbride's C-. Spags always calls a brilliant game but Gilbride did not fare as well as his defensive counterpart. He made some horrible calls on third and short including several Half back pitches when all New York needed to do was have Brandon lead forward 2 yards for the first down. Oh and where the heck is my man Bradshaw. I did not buy his Superbowl 42 logo emblazoned jersey so I could watch him get zero carries and one touch in a game! He is the team's most game breaking back and provides a great contrasts to Jacob's bruising style. Ward is a solid back but he has no place on this team. I wish the Gints had traded him for a mid level draft pick. Oh well.

NFL picks week 1: NFC style

Now that the defending champs are an unimpressive 1-0, I can relax for 10 days and fully enjoy a Sunday with the BIG at an upper east side sports bar hoping his bills beat the Hasslebacks and that Brandon's Bradshaws has a good Sunday in our Straight up Sports fantasy league. Without further adieu.......

St. Louis Rams at Philadelphia Eagles (-7.5)- Both teams are coming off very disappointing seasons. The Rams hoped to be at least competitive last season and the Eagles hoped to defend their NFC east crown from the 2006 season. Neither team came close to accomplishing their respective goals. The Rams have a nice big 3 on offense of QB Marc Bulger, RB Steven Jackson, (I hate that the Giants play against those 2 fantasy players of mine next week ugh!) and WR Torry Holt. Their D is awful though. The Eagles are much more balanced. They have an excellent defense stewarded by Jim Johnson off the field and Brian Dawkins on it. They have the best all around back in the NFC in Brian Westbrook and a solid, if not declining, QB in Donovan McNabb. The Eagles should roll over an inferior opponent. THE PICK: EAGLES (28-17)

Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-2.5)- These are 2 teams going in completely different directions. The Vikings are on the rise. They have a really good defense featuring the likes of Antoine Winfield at the Corner, savvy Veteran Darren Sharper at Safety, Jarred Allen manning a D-end spot and LB Chad Greenway. They also feature the great Adrian Peterson, the best pure running back in the NFC, and a very solid O line. The Packers are hoping Aaron Roger's years riding the pine and watching God, I mean Brett Farve, on the sideline won't hurt him too much in terms of his decision making this season. They have a nice defense featuring beast A.J. Hawk and the man who was completely undressed by Plaxico Burress in the NFC title game, Al Harris. The Pack have a respectable club and had a magical run to the NFC title game last year. However, it can't expect to succeed right away with the unproven Rogers running the show. Expect AP to run wild in the not so frozen Tundra and for Minnesota's ball hawking D to pick Rogers twice en route to a low scoring win. THE PICK: VIKINGS (win outright, 17-9)

Gambling Is Bad For You

But here's some picks for those that need a true expert to guide them in losing more of their mortage/bar money...

Cincinnati (+2.5) @ Baltimore

Remember last year when everyone was jerking off to this match between DYNAMIC Bengal offense against the VAUNTED Ratbird defense. Yea, both teams sucked and ESPN was left with their tails between their legs. Now this year, the tides may potentially turn for the reverse. It’s funny the last 5 years, the 3^rd place team has always one the division the following season. Could that mean the BUNGS could return from the grass fields of Cincitucky and actually bring home a playoff spot? Do you believe in miracles? No but I do believe that the Rats are terrible. For whatever reason, the Bungles always play the Rats well and their offense puts up points on that defense.

Plus, the Ravens are throwing Kyle Bller 2k8 out there and hope that he doesn’t screw up soon enough before the game is out of reach. This offense can be decent but they need the run game to come up huge and limit Flacco’s passing to 15-25 attempts. I don’t see it happening. Nice hat there Joseph.

It also will be interesting to see Ocho Cinco out there in all his glory. Does he realize how much of a douche he is? Probably not and I’m sure the lemmings like Devo like him but I can’t. Yea that whole thing was cool at first but now this is bordering on circus. When are those Chad being Chad t-shirts going to be printed?

Regardless, Bungs win because I can’t really see Joe Flaccid or whatever his name is not screwing up in his first big game. Heck, even Carson Palmer couldn’t choke this one away… well unless it’s a close game in the 4^th quarter.

Bengals – 24

Ravens – 13

Dallas (+6) @ Cleveland

Thankfully the networks decided to give us one decent game to watch and this be it.

Everyone is all aboard the Brown train. Why? Oh right, the explosive offense they have. Color me unimpressed because half of that explosiveness came against that weak Bungles defense. This is a team that teams got wise on how to defend as the season progressed. The book is also out on Andersen and teams have game film. Not to mention, The Browns don’t have the luxury of having a last place team schedule anymore so they can actually face some competition.

Opening up against Dallas is quite the test in the early going. Dallas is the favorite to emerge from the NFC and will provide a measuring stick for the Browns and to see how far they’ve come. (Apologies for the shitty reference to Matchbox 20 song…boy are they awful). The Cowpokes have it all. Great defense, punishing run game and potent passing attack. They also have Jessica Simpson and really don’t you wish she’d root for your favorite football team?

ESPN might be convinced that Derek Anderson is the next big thing but I heard the same thing about the Strokes, The Hives and everything else. Derek Anderson is not the next big thing and he won’t make it happen this week when he’s still feeling concussion symptoms. Cleveland has looked awful in the preseason. They can’t score nor can they stop teams. This team might have a better run defense this defense but their pass defense is even WORSE! You think Eric Wright is going to stop TO? I don’t. Dallas will murder the Browns.

Dallas – 31

Cleveland – 16