Sunday, July 6, 2008

Yanks/Sox Diary: I Really Don't Like Derek Jeter

Let’s be honest: there’s a 59% chance that the Yankee season is done. They may make a run, they may not. But either way, I’m excited for tonight, as Joba makes his first start against the enemy. I’m absolutely not guaranteeing that I’m going to keep a diary of the entire game. But I will promise to maintain a diary until I grow bored.

8:01 Oh, good, a recap of the Yanks/Sox rivalry. Haven’t seen this before. If I were an ESPN production assistant, I definitely would have tried to sneak in a quick ½ second clip of “The Catch.”

8:10 1 up. 1 out. When Joba throws a perfect game, just remember I called it first.

8:12 2 up. 2 ground outs to A-Rod. And A-Rod now has two consecutive putouts since his wife publicly announced that she would be filing for divorce.

8:13 J.D. Drew, Boston Red Sox, All Star. My, what a difference a grand slam against Cleveland makes. For both teams.

8:15 1 walk, 3 ground outs to A-Rod. Joba looks good. Joba looks real good. No-hitter still in effect.

8:17 I’m not saying that the Yankees miss Johnny Damon in the leadoff spot (or for that matter, that Joe Girardi can’t manage) but if our leadoff hitter were hitting his weight, even Africans would be calling him anorexic.

8:18 And Brett “the Nigerian Anorexic” Gardner just lost 4 points/lbs off his batting average.

8:19 A silver lining to Gardner: if he can’t get on, that means Jeter can’t hit into a double play. In this instance, it means that Jeter’s free to fly out to Manny. In related news, Jeter’s around .280, Cano is around .250, and White Boy made a bet with me that Cano will have a higher batting average than Jeter by August 1. The worst part about this trade? I now have to root for Jeter. It’s fun to root against Jeter in this town. He has Michael Young’s stats and Joe Namath’s fairly-overrated legacy. Trust me on that.

8:27 Youk single. Maybe we’ll get a no hitter on Tuesday from Ponson.

8:28 Sean Casey up. In related news, Sean Casey-still playing baseball.

8:29 “What a play by Jeter,” says John Miller. I agree; Jeter almost had to range to his left or right and then make a throw ON THE FLY from the shortstop position to Giambi. BEST. SHORTSTOP. EVER. Onto the bottom of the 2nd.

8:32 Home Run. A-Rod. If he keeps this up, Yankee fans are going to have to ask Cindy to send him divorce papers every week. In related news, different trajectory, but landed almost in the exact same spot as the Aaron Boone hr in 2003.

8:36 Giambi flew out. And more importantly, they got through an at-bat without showing the random porn-staches throughout the stadium. Praise allah.

8:36 “What’s great about Mantle’s plaque, is it says ‘great teammate.’ That’s all you need to know about him.”-Joe Morgan. Cut the crap, Joe. Isn’t that just synonymous for “Got all the endorsements, paid everyone’s bar tab?”

8:43 Joba- 1-2-3 in the 3rd. *yawn*

8:47 Melky strikes out. So I’m on record as saying that when you have 8 damn good hitters in the Yankees lineup, you can live with Melky being lousy. That said, when you have Molina catching and the Anorexic Nigerian leading off, you need Melky to not suck.

8:49 I’m an idiot. Manny isn’t playing and it took me until the 4th inning to realize it. So much for playing against the best the AL has to offer. No Manny, no Papi, but new Masshole-favorite J.D. Drew is in the line up at least. Eh. In other news, the Anorexic Nigerian is now down to .056.

8:55 Jeter, making the shortstop equivalent of Mays’ catch against the Indians, ranges to his left, throws to first (and had to re-grip the ball according to Joe Morgan!) and gets Pedroia out. Who knows where the ’08 Yankees would be without Jeter. (10 games above .500?)

9:02 Wow. Dioner Navarro made the all star team. I’m not saying he was doing bad for a long time, but he was so bad that the Yankees were actually considered the winners in the Randy Johnson trade.

9:09 Uh oh. Runners on 1st and 3rd for the Sox, no one out. And Mariano Rivera is not walking through that door for a few innings. And even worse, we don’t look like we’re scoring more than 2-3 runs tonight.

9:13 Wild pitch. Tied score. Nice of Youk to slide into home with spikes up. Throw at his head next time, Joba! (Note: On replay, it wasn’t as bad, but it’d still be fun to see Joba throw at someone)

9:26 Bitch ass single by Dustin Pedroia. 3-1 Sox. It shouldn’t be enough to beat the Yankees, but anyone who has seen this version of the Yankees knows that it probably will be.

9:40 Haven’t been paying attention. And then Joba threw a pitch behind Youk, scaring him. Atta boy Joba! The Joe Girardi Era: Losing with an attitude!

9:49 Joe Girardi pulling a Pinella/Martin and arguing about a pitch for no reason other than to get thrown out and motivate the team.

9:50 And it worked! The Anorexic Nigerian nearly doubled his average!

9:51 If I could hear Jeter’s thoughts, I bet they’d be something like, “Middle infielders are playing at double play depth, just the way I like it.”

9:52 Gardner pisses off the Captain by stealing 2nd and breaking up the double play.

9:53 RBI single for Jeter! Always loved ya, Captain!

9:56 Jeter promptly apologizes for not hitting into a double play by getting picked off of 2nd after Pedroia makes a nice catch. Love this team. If nothing else, they’re horribly consistent.

10:00 Oh good, Joba’s out. And why would we leave our best pitcher in the game? Anyone else starting to think that Girardi isn’t the best manager of all time?

10:03 In Jeter’s defense, he just showed great range getting a ball on the other side of 2nd base. But more importantly, he Knoblauched the ball into the stands. Lugo on 2nd.

10:06 Kevin Cash doubles down the line. 4-2 Red Sox, in what I like to think of as “The Lead that Girardi and Jeter Built” Seriously, Joba couldn’t have done this too?

10:08 Jeter throws out Ellsbury. And Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best,” pumps out of the loudspeaker.

10:11 So apparently because this game is on ESPN, we’re not “treated” to God Bless America and a moment of silent prayer. *tear*

10:23 Down 2, 1st and 3rd, 1 out. Cano up. No way he doesn’t strikeout or hit into a double play.

10:24 And as I say that Cano triples. Oops. My bad. 4-4! Tied up! (I’d like to point out that we’d be winning if not for Jeter’s screwups. Just sayin.)

10:32 And like many a Yankee/Sox game before it, this game’s going to be decided by the bullpens. In related news, I still don’t like the Yankees’ chances at all.

10:36 Time for Farnsworth to do what we all know he is capable of, but is yet to show the Yankees this year: his ability to singlehandedly lose a big game for the Yanks.

10:58 Mo in to try and get the win in the 9th. Hopefully yesterday was an aberration. Not looking good so far, Moss on 2nd with 1 out.

11:01 Manny up. 2 outs, runner on 3rd. If Mo pitches to him, I’m calling a bloop single.

11:04 Nice of Manny to show up. For what it’s worth, I could’ve had as productive an at bat as Manny, watching 3 strikes go by.

11:20 Nice and easy 10th for Mo. I’m going to stay up and watch the rest of this game, but the diary is going to have to come to an end, but before we say goodbye to the diary, let us review what we learned:

-I do not like Derek Jeter. Or as he should be known from here on out, Michael Young Namath. (Or MYN for short.)
-I don’t think Girardi is a great manager. But I’m willing to overlook this for the sake of seeing our pitchers throw at opposing hitters and because it’s fun watching Girardi lose his temper.


White Boy South Bronx said...

Way to end the diary 15 minutes before the man you callously referred to as anorexic has an amazing ab and wins it with a single. Also way to be bored by the most entertaining Yankees game of the season so far.

devo said...

I refuse to have anyone talk shit to me about my inability to watch a full regular season game, 1st to 9th inning. Baseball's a boring game. And a) not all of us were there, and b) some of us had shit to do on Monday morning.