Saturday, November 29, 2008
Pittsburgh at New England(-1, 39.5)
Time for Ben to exorcise some demons. Fuck the Patriots. Papa BH says Steelers win 17-10.
Carolina at Green Bay(+3, 41.5)
Carolina is weak. Packers must crush them. I dont think there will be a crushing involved, but Green Bay is better than their record indicates. Losses to Tennessee, Minny and New Orleans were by turns expected, close, and the result of some bad QB play. I think Carolina is ripe for an upset. Packers win 23-21
Friday, November 28, 2008
Chi Town @ Minnesota (-3.5)
Good ole fashioned SMASH mouth NORRIS football baby! I really fucking hate Chris Berman. Oh well. Dude, I don't understand how half of the Minnesota Vikes are still playing. Their entire DT tandem should be suspended now for Merriman'ing but Goondell continues to be selective with the ole rules. Oh right, i forgot, he's only in bed with Robert Kraft. My bad.
Anyway, the Vikes are poised to go on a roll not seen since DCULP was riding shotgun with his roll on. It's about time. The Vikes were the ones supposed to come out of the division with relative ease right? but they haven't yet. Here comes the Kyle Orton Experience to battle it out but alas, poor Kyle doesn't have the goods to keep this going. Sure it was a feel good hit of the Fall but this is winter now bitches and Adrian Peterson will run amuck like he did last year.
Will I watch some of this game? Probably but dude DEXTER is kicking ass in season 3 and will likely occupy most of my time.
Minnesota - 27
Chicago - 17
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Houston Texas (-3)
WHOA WHAT A GREAT MONDAY NIGHT GAME. JEEZ I might as well just TIVO this insta-classic and relive this monumental contest for the foreseeable future. For god's sake can we get some flex scheduling on this too? I'd rather see Giants vs. Skins or Jets/Broncos or Steelers/Pats but nooo. We get HOUSTON!
YIPPY! Jacksonville has more or less packed it in this season. They got crushed by Tennessee and than smacked upside the head by Minnesota at home. Houston meanwhile has crawled back from the dead and march toward respectability after some stunning wins over... Cleveland.
Oh jeez. Even Kordell Garrard can't screw this one up.
Jags - 27
Houston - 21
And the theme of this week's picks is...TEAMS THE GIANTS WON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH IN JANUARY. Onto the picks!
New Orleans (+4.5) over TAMPA
First predictions of their games vs. the Giants in January.
New Orleans vs. Giants January 11, 2009
Hey MVP candidate Drew Brees, have fun with your single season passing yards record on a 30 degree evening accompanied by the swirling Meadowlands winds. And Reggie Bush may get his, but he aint beating the Giants by himself. But what can withstand the Giant Stadium winter weather? EARTH WIND AND FIRE.
Giants 37 Sants 19
Tampa vs. Giants January 11, 2009
Please. When no one thought the Giants were any good, almost a year ago to the day of this game, the Giants completely took care of business against an average-at-best Tampa team. Now? The Giants are real good.
But as for the game being played on Sunday...
I don't really care who wins this game. But because Tampa does everything slightly better than average and New Orleans has a phenomenal passing attack, let's give this game to the team who excels in a specific area.
New Orleans 31
Atlanta (+4) over SAN DIEGO
To continue with our theme:
Atlanta vs. Giants, January 11, 2009
Matt Ryan, meet the Giants pass rush and a pumped up NY crowd jacked up for its first home playoff game in 8 years.
I'm not going to bother reviewing San Diego/Giants because that would assume that they make the playoffs. And while a San Diego loss this week doesn't officially knock them out of the playoffs, it should solidify their status as a team with an obscene amount of talent and an awful coach that has no business finishing worse than 10-6. And yet, 7-9 awaits. Matty Ice will get destroyed in New York in January, but accompanied by ex-Charger Michael Turner, Atlanta will take care of business.
San Diego 23
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Look, some people want to take today to be thankful for all that they have and all that they're about to eat. Me? I'm glad that I don't have to share my Mom's stuffing with you assholes. That shit's REAL good, and nothing sucks worse than running out of leftovers Friday morning when you assholes decide you want to gank some for your bitch-ass-selves.
But I'm getting off topic. What I meant to say is that while there is plenty to be thankful for, there is still plenty that pisses us off. And I'm sure there are plenty of people in your life who if they were on fire, you wouldn't piss on them to put them out. We at SUS made our list a few months ago of these people. So remember, on this day of thanks, don't let the assholes in your life get a free pass:
MissMet wouldn't piss on Derek Jeter, Lleyton Hewitt, Scott Gomez, Pat Burrell, Chipper Jones
White Boy South Bronx might defecate on Curt Schilling, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, Jose Reyes, and Michael Jordan if only to further the stench.
Devo would kick Jeremy Shockey, Scott Gomez, and Jason Giambi in the nuts and then point and laugh as they writhed in pain.
Brooklyn Hillbilly would take the mothers of Chad Johnson, Joe Buck, Steven A. Smith, Gary Sheffield, and Rudy Giuliani out for a nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALL THEM AGAIN!
Mahatma would spit in the slurpies of Rodney Harrison, Shawne Merriman, Kendall Simmons, Carson Palmer, and Jay Pandolfo.
Yinzer would attack David Oritz, Todd Bertuzzi, Tiger Woods, Jeremy Roenick, and Tom Brady with a hockey skate blade, Happy Gilmour style
And worst of all, SHMUCK wishes that Chad Pennington, Tie Domi, Ron Artest, A.J. Pierzynski, and Floyd Mayweather were stuck on a desert island with only Rich Kotite to gameplan a way off of said island.
Happy Thanksgiving and remember: there's plenty of assholes out there, stop pretending to be thankful for them.
So okay, Devo referred to this before but let the true star of the Pittsburgh Pirates get involved with this since it covers two of my favorite things, baseball and indian people.
Anyway, so yea in case you don't care about the Pirates (HELLO AMERICA), let give you some backstory.
I first received a call last weekend from GM, Neil Huntington but I deferred to my agent because a big time advertising exec like myself had a pitch to do all weekend. Suffice to say, my agent dropped the ball on this and for that i'm angry. My hinducurve has knocked out some of the best hitters in the game (Ramirez, Manny, Rodriguez, Alex, Boy, White) but I never expected those dominating performances to see the light out of day. Yet here I am, missing out on playing A ball while I need to put in some 80 hour weeks.
Being the first choice, the Buccos went on to their alternatives. Apu had to work a double so he was out of the running.
But alas two young green horns (shouldn't that be brown horns? yuck yuck yuck) who apparently won a REALITY TV SHOW in India. Yes only the Pirates would agree to allow these guys to actively participate in their minor league system. The Pirates PR spin was in full effect. Take a look at some of these gems:
"The Pirates are committed to creatively adding talent to our organization," general manager Neal Huntington said in a statement. "By adding these two young men, we are pleased to not only add two prospects to our system but also hope to open a pathway to an untapped market."
Yea Neil, GREAT idea. We all know of that India is the world's hot bed of baseball and it's really really popular. I mean sure some people there play a game called cricket but who cares. Baseball is India's past time. This is like saying uh we signed devo and SHMUCK because it opens a pathway to an untapped market like Summitt, NJ. The fact of the matter is that when other teams are in central america/cuba, the Pittsburgh Pirates are blazing new trails! What's next? How about Artica (not the bar you trendy douches)? That's an untapped resource right there! Perhaps we can sign the first ever eskimo to a contract as well! I mean sure we'd be adding more quality prospects OH YEA! Sure they are young and all but come on man. India? Really? Sure they have upside but this is America...we are all mediocrity personified.
Anyway, they have a blog that's kindof amusing in the same way I laugh at my cousins for speaking english and they laugh at me for speaking hindi.
Let me echo wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Food, football, sleep and shopping. It's going to be a good weekend...provided anyone can afford to buy anything with this economic crisis and all. Alas, don't worry SUS nation, credit cards were invented for this very reason.
Good fight and good night!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
And for the record Devo, this Jet fan has no beef with the Giants....currently. I even have an "18-1" t-shirt, which is probably the closest thing to a Giants jersey I'll ever own. I'll usually root for the Giants if the Jets season is pretty much done (which it has been many of times). I think the dream of beating the Giants in the Superbowl is every Jet fan's dream. I'm sure it works the same for Giant fans as well (stop me if I'm wrong).
The Jets clearly dominated this game from the start and never looked back. During this current 6 game winning streak they have successfully scored everytime on their initial possession. I've been a Jet fan probably since the early to mid 90's and I can't recall ever witnessing such a delicacy. Coming into the game both defenses were in the top 5 against the run. Jets stood up to the task and held the Titans to 45 yards on the ground. Tennessee's front 7 however were overpowered by a Jets offensive line that gets better and better each week, yielding 192 yds to Washington and Jones. Jets lead the Titans in some important key categories:
Time of Possession: 40:30 19:30
3rd Down Comp: 7 / 13, 4 / 11
First Downs: 28, 16
Favre was great at spreading the field and using the short passing lanes and finding his open targets. With that and the running game the Jets just wore the Titans defense down. Albert Haynesworth still showed why he's probably the best defensive player in the NFL but Mangold and company did a great job on containing him for a good portion of the game.
Kris Jenkins and company did a great job at getting their hands in Collins' face and applying pressure. This forced Kerry to rush some of his passes, throw behind some of his receivers and leave him uncomfortable in the pocket all game. It also didn't help that in the first half alone his receiving corp had 6 dropped passes. And the Jets are only going to get better. David Harris has been out the last 4 games with a leg injury and he's due to return when the Jets host Denver. This will move Bowens back to DE where he's a much better pass rusher than inside linebacker.
Do I think it's a statement to the rest of the NFL that the Jets are a team to reckon with? I sure hope so. But the Oakland game is still a burdon in my memory. Jets have a favorable schedule for the rest of the season with 2 games against the Seahawks and 49ers who combined are 4-19. Something in my gut is telling me that one of these teams can hurt the Jets. All I'm saying is that I really hope their success doesn't go to their heads and they get too overly confident for the rest of the season. When it comes to the Jets, there's a lot for which to be thankful (Kris Jenkins, Leon Washington , Dustin Keller etc.). Happy Thanksgiving SUS and to all my 1 readers out there
...and she also speaks in the third person. Happy Thanksgiving sports fans! As you are enjoying your turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, football and crazy family members, don't forget to
remember the things for which you are thankful. I've compiled a nice list of my own things, just for you.
- CitiField. Or perhaps we should call it Taxpayer Field? Two New York City Council members say that Citigroup should show its thanks for a federal bailout by sharing the naming rights to the new Mets ballpark in Queens. Sorry about that everyone, but also, THANKS. I mean, this place looks absolutely fabulous and I can't wait to see games there.
- Metsblog.com's Hot Stove report. Without Matt Cerrone and the boys, I would be baseball-less all winter long. How else would I know what the chances are that the Mets are going to sign K-Rod or Brian Fuentes? What about whether Aaron Heilman is going to be a starter (on another team) or not? THANKS boys.
- The Jets. A guy named Favre (and a great team to back him up) has made my late fall/early winter a lot more exciting with the big games- Thursday night OT win v. the Pats IN New England, blowout of then-unbeaten Tennessee IN Tennessee- and the big buzz. THANKS Gang Green!
- Johan Santana. THANKS for being awesome.
- All of my family and friends who read this blog and support me in every other endeavor. THANKS loves.
Tennessee (-11) at Detroit
Devo: Detroit continues to take all of our tax dollars. Lucky for me, the unemployed don't pay taxes. Pick: Detroit
BH: T-T-T-T-ennesee. Great song by a great group. Pick: Tennessee
Seattle (+12.5) at Dallas
Devo: Has anyone read Boys Will Be Boys? This book may be the Catcher in the Rye of our generation. Pick: Dallas
Mahatma: Jessica Simpson is hot. Pick: Dallas
BH: Cowboys have guns and I think Seahawks are endangered. Pick: Dallas
Arizona (-3) at Philly
Devo: Philly has cheese steaks. Arizona has John McCain post-nomination barbecues. Pick: Philly
Mahatma: I like cheese steaks and all but nothing beats some ice tea. Pick: Arizona
BH: Where is it written that Thanksgiving games have to suck? Obama needs to do something about this. Pick: Arizona
I was going to do a review of the first 20 or so games of the Devils season, but really, it comes down to this: since Marty got hurt, our free agency class of Rolston and Holik got hurt, and while they have solidified their status as career backups, Clemmensen and Weekes have still been the two best players on the team since Marty's injury. So with that all said, let's talk about my first trip to The Rock this season with SHMUCK, and two of his peoples.
- I forgot how nice the place is. Had a great time sitting somewhere in the 200's, also known as the worst seats in the arena. Simmons wrote an article recently basically saying that all true fans in modern stadiums have the worst seats in the house because that is all that they can afford. This was proven at the Rock, where most of the seats were empty except for the top few rows, where the seats cost $25 and under. And it's easy to sit here and make the basic jokes about the Devils having no fans, but the 200's were rocking. Definitely a good vibe.
- Props to SHMUCK, for bringing this chick along who we'll call Jacobs for reasons that I'll let him explain another time. She has never been to a hockey game before, so SHMUCK got to be that dude who explained the ins and outs of hockey to her. Pimp.
- So you know how Yankee Stadium has those cool if not expensive bars by 161 St behind the stadium? Well, I waited a few minutes for SHMUCK in this bar outside the Rock that was between the parking lot and my car. And I'm sure the place was trying hard, but something about a Spanish bar with 5 patrons playing salsa music doesn't exactly get one psyched for hockey the way you would think. Oh, and the place had taps for Heineken and Bud Light, but when I asked for a Heineken they said they only had bottles. Stay classy Newark!
- Can you 'diehard' Devil fans please stop with the Rangers suck chants? It reminds me of when Sox fans used to (still do) chant Yankees Suck. The difference is this: until recently, when Sox fans did this, they had gone 80+ years without a championship. The Rangers ended their 54 year drought with a Cup...and then the Devils got 3. Come on Devil fans. Don't be dumb.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
There is a simple fact in life: all hardcore sports fans are douchebags when they watch their teams. With that said, it's now time for the writers of your 10th most favorite website to tell about the little and not so little things that they do that qualify them as Sports Douchebags.
Click here to see why Mahatma is a douchebag.
Click here to see why MissMet is a tool.
Click here to see why White Boy South Bronx is a douchebag.
Click here to see why Devo is a douchebag.
I’M A JET FAN
- I, like the rest of Jet nation, cheered when Pennington got hurt in the 2007 season opener against
Non-Jet Examples of My Douchebaginess
I grew up a Yankee fan. I know I know, being a Yankee fan in general should automatically necessitate that I’m a douchebag but as a kid, I didn’t know better. Steve Sax, Pat Kelly, Danny Tartabull, Don Mattingly, Mike Stanley, Jim Abbott, Paul O’Neill etc. were some of my favs. After the 1994 baseball strike I simply just lost interest in the sport all together, but I did develop a strong hatred towards the Yankees. Maybe it was because I hated Joe Torre and Derek Jeter. (Editor's note: Do you also hate newborns and little puppies?) Or maybe it was because my brother was a fan and all of a sudden everyone around me became fair-weather Yankee fans (f’in freeloaders). Everywhere I went I was surrounded by pinstripes and NY ballcaps. So why am I a douchebag? Well, I currently don’t have a favorite baseball team. I pretty much just root against the Yankees and all these other overspending teams that can’t win. So I sometimes get the “that’s not fair” comments because they can’t brag about their 26 championships to my teams far less championships. That’s fine by me. Eat me!
- I rode in the back of Devo’s convertible celebrating the Devils 2000 Stanley cup victory. No one in our hometown really cared, nor were they awake. The most logical thing we should have done was try to score some booze and drink in my backyard. Instead, I think we cruised around 7-11 like 10 times and once stopped for Slurpees….faaags.
- I take part in about 5 fantasy football leagues every season (since 2002). People call me crazy. My overall winning percentage is 70% with 17 total football trophies (12 of them in 1st place). I’ve ignored a lady the next morning to steadily watch my stat tracker during the 1:00 games. (Editor's note: For not caring about baseball, you end up in 4 or 5 fantasy baseball leagues each year.)
- I hate losing in video games. I think I've retired after losing in NFL Blitz at least a dozen times. Don’t get me started with my Madden franchises. The TV in my parent’s basement has taken quite a lot of beatings over the years, including once when my Dad got angry at me and my brothers and threw the system out the window. Even with my superb drafting skills, free agency pickups, and completion of all training camp fundamentals I still cannot stop the Patriots from winning the AFC East. I don’t even think HBO would air some of the words and insults that come out of my mouth when I lose.
- If you want to know what SHMUCK really stands for, shoot me an email by sending it to straightupsports@gmail and I’ll tell you.-SHMUCK
I realize that most of our readers have become accustomed to Mahatma doing the Tuesday bullshitting, but since he has been signed by the Pirates (Pittsburgh, not Mogadishu...hiyo!!!) his priorities have clearly shifted to his new employer.
Not to cross into White Boy's recap, but clearly we've seen what happens when teams try to load up the box on Earth Wind & Fire. Yeah, that Eli fella is pretty good too, as are his 6 receivers, tight end, 3 pass catching running backs, and even the fullback.
Make what you want of this, but the fact is that Eli's two best games of the season have been played without Plax. And as the season goes on and February draws near, the Giants will face better secondaries than Arizona, but I'm starting to come to this conclusion: If Earth, Wind, & Fire are healthy, if Boss is healthy, and if Smith, Hixon, and Toomer are all good to go, the Giants can win the Super Bowl without Plax. Does Plax make the Giants a much better team? Absolutely. But without Plax, Eli tends to step up his game, and this team is already so much better than most of the NFC
So I'd like to see Plax return this year and make his impression felt, but two facts remain:
1) Until any of Boss, Hixon, Smith, or Toomer get hurt, Plax is not needed for this team to repeat.
2) Jerry Reese should trade Plax after the season. He's becoming a distraction, and frankly, the team does not need him. Moreover, as the young guys from this team become free agents (See: Webster, Corey; Jacobs, Brandon "Earth") it's going to become difficult to keep all of these guys together. I'd rather keep Earth and future All-Pro Corey Webster than Plax, who has a future of being a malcontent.
That said, Jerry Reese has earned the ability to do anything he wants for the next year or two. He could trade Plax for a 7th round pick, and I'd be ok with it. That said, let's try and get a 1st or 2nd and 3rd or 4th for him.
And not for nothing, but I'll always appreciate what Plax did for this team, whether he's here for the rest of his contract or never suits up again for this team.
I said it after the Patriots game, I'll say it again: THE JETS ARE THE BEST TEAM IN THE AFC. Jets/Steelers is going to be a fantastic AFC Championship game, so long as Ben stays healthy. (These teams could meet in the 2nd round, but for all intents and purposes, this will be the AFC Championship game, with the winner facing the Giants in Tampa.) Will the Titans finish the season 10-6? Probably not, but the Steelers and the Jets are superior teams.
The issue remains of who will get the 2 seed. The 2 seed plays either the 3 seed after they dealt with the Patriots or the winner of Denver and Indy in their home. Denver and Indy have fantastic offenses but are amazingly beatable, especially in front of a raucous Pitt or Jersey crowd.
Meanwhile, the 3 seed plays the Patriots at home in the first round, and then has to go to either Pittsburgh and whatever's left of their turf or an unreal Giants Stadium where Jets fans will make it impossible for Ben in the Jets' first home game in a long time.
Oh, and to quote Mahatma, the Steelers play the "Gays, Cowfucks, Titans, Rats and Browns." The Jets play Denver, San Francisco, Seattle, Buffalo and the Penningtons. Have fun with Cassell and Moss, Pittsburgh.
A thought about the Giants/Jets Superbowl:
I can only speak for myself when I say that I'm absolutely rooting my ass off for the Jets to get to the Super Bowl. Neither the Jets or Giants have had enough good seasons in my lifetime for there to be a legitimate rivalry between the teams. In fact, since I started following football in 1990, here's a list of playoff appearances by both teams:
Giants: 90, 93, 97, 00, 02, 05, 06, 07, Jets: 91, 98, 01, 02, 04, 06,
In the 18 full seasons that I have followed the Giants (as compared to White Boy's 5), the Jets and Giants have both made the playoffs only in '02 and '06, and neither team was very competitive in either of those seasons. In '02 the Giants lost to the 49ers and the Penningtons lost to the Raiders in the 2nd round. In '06 the Giants lost in the first round to the Eagles while the Jets lost to the Pats that same weekend. All of this is to say that this is the first year that both teams have been anything close to Super Bowl contenders in the same year, and there has been no reason to root against one team or the other. And seeing the Giants beat the 18-1 Pats? That's not exactly going to get Fireman Ed hating the Giants guts.
(Note: I think SHMUCK feels the same way, but I'd be interested in hearing what he has to say about Jet fans' opinions of the Giants.)
And speaking of SHMUCK...
You, SUS Nation, helped SHMUCK pick a new jersey to replace his current Jets jersey. Now, I, Devo, your blogging lord and savior, need a new jersey to replace my current Tiki Barber jersey. Please pick from the following on top of the following page:
Osi: Because if Strahan is a first ballot hall of famer, Osi will get in to Canton at some point down the road.
Tuck: Might be better than Osi.
Jacobs: Earth. But his career might be short due to his bruising style and the fact that Bradshaw is better in my opinion.
Bradshaw: This presumes a leap of faith that he will become a feature back, or at least a Warrick Dunn type back. A leap of faith, but a small leap.
Fred Robbins: Because his father and uncles are all bigger than him. Jersey could look obscure in a few years though.
Pierce: Quarterback of the defense, stats are merely OK though.
Kenny Phillips: All evidence points to him being an absolute stud of the Dawkins/Reed mold at safety. This is the jersey I want, but problem: already have a #21 jersey. Would be easier to just put duct tape over my Tiki jersey.
Eli: Safest bet of all of these guys to still be here in 2014, but for the same reason that I never wanted a Brodeur or Jeter jersey, I really don't want one of these. Everyone and their mother has 'em. ('Cept for mine, who had a Tino jersey, but that's another story.)
And last but not least....
Hey Knick fans, only 151 games until Lebron!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sorry to those of you Tale of Two Cities fanatics out there. There is no “Worst of times” for the 2008 calendar year Giants. This group is 14-1 and is by far the league’s best team. Every possible area it can be assessed in is a strength when compared to the average unit of its kind in the league. For example, even the secondary, which most experts consider the Giant’s weakest unit, is still better than at least half of the secondaries in the league. You know things are going good when Madison Hedgecock catches a pass! I wonder if Kurt Warner thanked G-d after the game for giving him the strength and courage to commit two turnovers and lose to his former team? To be clear, I have no problem with someone being a deeply religious person, but when someone asks you to assess your on field performance, this interviewer is not asking you about your religious beliefs, rather this person is asking you to discuss how your football skills helped you succeed during a given game. With this little Kurt Warner rant aside, I now will grade the Giant’s performance on a unit by unit basis.
Offense= A: This was as flawless and as dominant a performance by an offense as can possibly be had. New York put up 37 points and did so without the services of its two best offensive players. Eli played one of his finest games ever achieving an impressive 3 touchdowns and 0 interceptions while amassing 240 yards through the air. The running game, although not its usual 190 yard plus attack, was effective when it had to be on clock killing drives at the end of the game. Gilbride even joined the solid coaching party with a great call on third and 1 having Eli roll out off a play action fake and hitting Boss over the middle for a big gain.
Defense= B: This was not the most impressive defensive performance this season. Spagnuolo’s boys gave up over 300 yards through the air and 29 points overall. However, it did force “Jesus Statue” into turning the ball over twice including a beautiful pass to a wide open Tyrell Thomas. The defense did just enough to win.
Special Teams= B: The Special teams played a big role in this game. Dominick Hixon had two returns into field goal range and the Cardinals seemed to start half of its possessions inside the Giant’s 50. The difference, The Giants took advantage of these opportunities and the Cardinals did not.
Coaching= A: Coughlin and Gilbride both had phenomenal days. Coughlin showed his savvy by having Arizona re-kick just prior to Hixon’s kick return to the 13 of Arizona. Gilbride intelligently relied more on his passing game with Jacobs not in. Spagnuolo succeeded in his goal of limiting the Cardinals to a minimal YAC and in his ultimate goal of doing enough to win. The Giant’s bend but don’t break philosophy proved effective against the greatest show on grass.