Anyone want to do hood rat stuff with me this weekend?

Douchebag Fan of the Week

Say hello to Pinky!!




Props to Versus for actually showing this idiot in the middle of their 3 hour Flyer ball-wash fest. I know it was tough to remove themselves from Daniel Briere's scrotum so you gotta give credit when it's due.

I'd Probably miss too, then again I'm white

Badass weekend music clip

Well, Pearl Jam completes the badass music trifecta along with The Clash and The Who. Enjoy this clip of them at Roskilde Festival ('92, not the later one where people died.) Is Porch the best PJ song? In a word or two, quite possibly.

Props to SHMUCK, Merloni, and BH, all of whom almost posted articles this week.

Angry white man: NHL/NBA Playoffs edition

This playoff season is maddeningly frustrating. The NBA is in the middle of some of the worst 7 game series to ever go down, while the NHL has given us some of the best 5 game series that you're ever going to see. I'm not going to give you stats that I have to look up, because like Kim Jong-Il, I'm very busy. (Note: In the time it took me to look up that Team America clip and write this parenthetical, I could've easily Wikipedia-ed the scores in the NBA and NHL playoff games this year. But let's be honest, you'd rather watch marionette Kim Jong-Il send marionette Hans Blix to his death.)

As a whole, I'd give both of these leagues a B/B- grade for the level of excitement so far, but for completely different reasons.

I'm sick of these NBA playoffs. I'm sick of watching game 5, thinking that the Cavs have what it takes to dethrone the Celtics, only to see the C's win by 20. I'm sick of watching game 6 of Hornets/Spurs, only to see San Antonio win by the same 20. And I'm sick of game 7's where I turn it on and the home team is up by 20 at the half.

And the NHL playoffs are just as frustrating for the exact opposite reasons. Make no mistake, the fact that the Rangers are out and the Flyers are about to be defeated by their in-state rival proves that Allah/Jeebus is alive and well. But almost all of the series that I care about have begun 3-0. And I don't want to watch the elimination games, but the NHL games have been so damn good that I can't resist. The Pens and Wings have both lost only a few games so far during their postseason run. But how many of their games were within a goal with 4 or 5 minutes to go? It's a shame that the result of the series is such a foregone conclusion, because the actual games are worth watching. It's not that I'm unhappy with the level of play in the NHL playoffs, (the Devils aside) but there have been very few series whose outcome was in doubt 3 games into the series.

MissMet on the Spot: Vargas' Debut, Heilman's Meltdown

So I finally went to my first Mets game of the season on Wednesday night. I got some free tickets from a friend and another friend, Katie, joined me at the game. Katie and I went to the Jets game together and by the end of the night realized that whenever we go to sporting events alone, our teams lose (we are 0-3 at a Jets game and 2 Mets games). I drove in during rush hour, so I got to experience the joys of George Washington Bridge traffic at 5:30. I made it on time though, and we had some great seats, considering they were free.
The game went along pretty smoothly (Brian Schneider HR!) with Claudio Vargas pitching VERY well in his debut until the Nats tied it up in the 6th inning. The Mets had more chances (surprise!) that they did not cash in on throughout the game. After Vargas had one out and had given up a walk, Willie decided to bring in Aaron Heilman. That is when I started to get a little nervous BUT I was all ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. As in, "Ok Aaron, I know you've had a rough go of it so far this season. All you need to do is get 2 outs and we're ok, I believe in you." Things went well in the beginning. He got his first batter out and went 0-2 on the second. We all stood up and cheered him on, maybe he was going to get out of the inning without any problems!
Not so much. Four runs later, he was out of the game and the boos were the loudest I've ever heard. Not that they weren't deserved, but I just felt awful. Awful for him because he's sucking, awful for Vargas because he was going to get the loss, awful for Willie because he's being a dumbass manager and awful for the fans because our team is not living up to its standards. Joe Smith ended up coming in and getting that elusive third out. Katie and I left after the bottom of the inning. I did have to drive back to Jersey after all. I listened to the rest of the game as I drove through Queens and the Bronx (thankfully) not in traffic.

Here are the positives that I took from the game:
1. CitiField looks like it will be amazingly awesome.
2. Vargas pitched very well, David Wright made an awesome bare-handed play and Schneider hit a homerun.
3. The fans are still passionate.
4. At one point, I was a mere 25 feet from Mr. Met.
5. It only took me an hour to get home.
~MissMet

It's raining runs...hallelujah it's raining Runs

Nice onslaught by the Yankees offense tonight. 2 whole runs, matching the total of the last two evenings. At this pace 3 runs can't be far behind!

Insert 'I know how Devo is gay' comments below...

Tom Brady's douchebag rating goes down to a 9.9

Tom Brady decided to bite the hand that feeds him. Which is allowed when said hand is doing everything in its power to dumb down sports. Tom Brady agrees with us and most of the free world when he says that "ESPN is MTV without the highlights." Couldn't agree more Tom. Congrats Tom, your douchhebaggery rating has gone from a perfect 10 to a mere 9.9. While we respect you for this comment, unless your college these was entitled "Why The Clash Matter More Than Mother Theresa," I don't see your douchebaggery rating moving to a 9.8 or lower.

A Yankees Rant

Another stellar performance by the Yankees offense last night. No pressure on the pitching staff, but if you guys wouldn't mind throwing about 80 shutouts this year, it would be greatly appreciated, as that's the only way to assure 80 more wins and a playoff spot.

I realize that A-Rod and Posada are out of the lineup but that doesn't excuse the screw-ups by the regulars. When Jeter gets to 3rd with 1 out and Abreu and Matsui coming up, that should be a run, if not 2 or 3. And big ups to Robby "pop up in foul ground" Cano for earning his new nickname. When Shelley Duncan, AG, Ensberg, or even Molina make mistakes, it's one thing; but no one in the top 6 seems to be hitting either, save for Jeter, Matsui, and the occasional Damon home run.

And I know it's already been said, but it can't be said enough, JASON GIAMBI IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE YANKEE FRANCHISE. Cut him, live with your $21 million in losses and let's move on with this franchise. You're the Yankees after all, and you can make back that $21 million by putting Eli Manning on Centerstage. I don't care if we don't have the depth to cut Giambi with A-Rod out. There has to be someone in the farm system who can 1) play good corner infield defense and 2) bunt. Bat said replacement 8th, and let's move on. That's more than enough to make up for Giambi's bitchass.

Speaking of Giambi's physique, holy crap he's scrawny now. Just compare the before and after shots. Could it be that Giambi is simply doing his share as a world citizen by donating his meals to those countries facing shortages? Jason Giambi: hated in the Tri-State area, beloved saint in Egypt.

Anyways, it's good to see that we're at the part of the season where Sterling and his mistress start proclaiming something along the lines of "the Yankees keep running into great pitching performances," insinuating that the Yankees are facing consistent 5 man rotations of Bob Gibson, Warren Spahn, Nolan Ryan, Christy Matthewson, and Walter Johnson. But in reality they're not hitting the non-Kazmir Devil Rays. And hall-of-famers these guys are not.

And lastly, I'll try to recreate the texts that White Boy and I sent back and forth last night after the Matsui HR:

Me: They're still shitty.
WB: My prediction: 2-1 DRays in the 10th.
Me: Why can't we lose in 9?

Yup, our Murphy's Law approach to games has now moved from the Giants to the Yanks. Odd. Speaking of which, training camp opens for the Super Bowl Champs in Albany in a little over 3 months.

An Irony of Sorts

So as I watched the Pens shit on the Flyers tonight I realized something about the "Battle of Pennsylvania" : the nicknames of the cities are both a bit ironic now.

First we'll take Pittsburgh, known as the "Steel City". It got this nickname from all the steel mills it was famous for for many decades. And many people still thinking its a major producer of steel. What they dont know is that there really is no more steel mde in the city. So the nickname continues despite steel not being a major industry of the city anymore.

Next we have Philadelphia, the "City of Brotherly Love." You know I'm not sure what time period that was coined because every one currently alive knows Philly to be filled with nothing but douchebags. I mean they boo Santa Claus for god's sake. And as the article Mahatma posted shows, are the least friendly city in the US. So either something went horribly wrong (probably started with teh creation of the Flyers) or the city's idea of brother love is jsut way different from everyone elses.

Tales from the Library: Part 1

I don't know if I've said this yet, but I'm basically spending the summer studying for the Bar Exam. This is going to result in fewer stories on my end, but more importantly, it's going to result on many tales from the library of sketchy individuals:

#1
Yesterday some girl whose body was an 8 and face was a 6 sat down was studying for the MCATs or something. Since suburban NJ libraries see as much hot ass as Saudi Arabia, I figured it was my patriotic duty to sit down one table away. Today? Yeah, I got there first, and she sat as far away as possible.

To paraphrase Mike Ness of Social Distortion: This has always been the story of my life.

#2
Some dude sneezed and said "Thank you" before anyone even said "God Bless You." Is it just me, or is this a massive dick move? And not only that, but he sneezed again and pulled the exact same charade. First of all, like Spiderman said to Peter Griffin, "Everyone gets one." No more, no less, one "god bless you." Second of all, no one said anything! Stop assuming you have friends in the library. Anyone have any thoughts on whether this guy pulled a dick move?

Needless to say, these two rants have probably taught you, dear SUS reader two things:

1. I'm angry.
2. My posts suck when I spend all day in the library. Sorry.

Props to BH for the assist with the photo.

Just in Case You Haven't Seen This Yet...

Here's to news people dropping the F-bomb and acting really insane.

Random Musings

(1) This probably makes me a stats nerd but I don't care. I love the new feature ESPN added on Sunday Night Baseball. They show each player's batting average in all of the possible counts (I believe its total of 12 possibilities 4 possible amount of balls (0,1,2,3) X 3 possible amount of strikes (0,1,2). Anyway I like knowing this stuff.

(2) Can anybody win a Freaking road game please- Home teams are now 45-15 in this year's NBA playoffs which is a high since 1984. Maybe it is because I am a bitter Knicks fan but I prefer watching home crowds look upset and stunned while they watch their home team fall as opposed to watching every home crowd rejoice.

(3) I know that we were kind of a fluke Bowl winner but can we get a little higher than 6th in the power rankings that the aforementioned four letter network just put out? I'll concede that the Pats should be higher as should the Colts. But Dallas hasn't won a playoff game yet with Romo/TO and the Chargers haven't been to the bowl with LDT. In addition, the Jags haven't even gotten to the conference title game since a certain Superbowl champion coach got them there.

That is all for now.

WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!!

Pretty much every other blog has this clip of Bill O'Reilly freaking out from back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark, but here it is.

Props to ex-SUS reader, Maureen for the clip

Homo...

Not only can he not win big games but he's also terrible at singing. Guess who I'm not inviting to the SUS karaoke bash.

NBC goes with Jimmy Fallon as Conan replacement, dead air finishes a close second

7 rhetorical questions for the powers that be at NBC:

1. Jimmy Fallon?
2. Was Carrot Top not available?
3. Was Pauly Shore busy?
4. Can't we just put Johnny Carson's corpse?
5. The geniuses at NBC are going to go with someone who rose to prominence by imitating Adam Sandler?
6. Isn't imitating a comedian like a band that rips off a Zeppelin ripoff?
7. So we're going with the equivalent of a Styx ripoff as the heir to Conan and Letterman?

It's times like these that I'm thankful I don't have the ability to stay up past midnight without the help of alcohol.

Moron

Devo returns to Jersey; the ladies of NJ, Chris Hansen take notice

Boys and girls, my duties to the Capitol Region completed, I return to the Great State of New Jersey, to continue the SUS Reign of Terror. (Reign of Error?) And I shall begin this Reign where all great publishing magnates begin...my parents' house...oy.

Anyways, in the near future, expect more rants about WFAN and 1050 callers, along with tales from the Jersey libraries, as that's where I'll be spending most of my days this summer.

Mike D'Antoni Really????

Well the good news is we now officially have a new head coach and his name is not Isaiah Thomas. The bad news, his name is Mike D'Antoni. I guess, because he is a good offensive coach, this means he is good at something as a coach unlike Thomas. However, Mark Jackson, as Jeff Van Gundy previously stated, was the right man at the right time for this job. He is a very bright, young and New York experienced man who would be ideal to steward the Knicks' rebuilding project. D'Antoni basically took this job entirely because of the money. I am a realist and understand that money always is the number one factor when decisions like these are made. However, this D'Antoni signing reeks of money being the only motive for the former Suns coach to come to the big apple. He knows he is going from a team that was a perennial contender and 55 game winner to a team that may not win 55 games combined in the next two seasons (which is fine by me if we sign Lebron in 2010). He also was run out of Phoenix because his teams didn't play any defense. Great, just what we need, another coach who doesn't give a crap about playing D. He's not Zieke but I don't think he is the right man for the job either. I hope I am wrong, like I was about Eli. However, unlike Eli, there is no shot of D'Antoni winning any titles in the next 3 seasons. It is not a dark day in Knicks history, but it could have been a far brighter one if Jackson was brought aboard.