Friday, January 23, 2009

Sports Figures We Wouldn't Wish On Our Worst Enemies

Being sports fans we all have to deal with our teams employing a player, coach, or GM that constantly infuriate us. But every once in a while we get a person that transcends mere infuriation. It turns into pure unadulterated hate, so much so that we wouldn’t even wish this person onto our most hated rivals. We would actually rather have this person out of the league so we never have to lay eyes upon their wretched hides than have them go to even our most hated teams and ruin them. And let me tell you, us here at SUS are very bitter and vengeful, so this says a lot.

Click here to see the athletes/coaches that make Yinzer even more angry.

First I'd like to give a special mention to all associated with the Pittsburgh Pirates for not providing .500 baseball for 16 seasons and counting and the current Soff Euro trash Penguins (Sykora, Satan and Fedetenko) but these 5 are worse on my list.

5. Josef Beranek
Preferred Nickname: Blowsef, Shitenak, GET THIS FUCKER OFF THE ICE

There is worthless and than there is WORTHLESS. Such was the NHL career of Josef Beranek. Unlike the two fuckos below, Josef at least could keep up with the play. Blowsef entered the league in 1991 and was known for good wheels, crisp passer and “natural touch around the net” apparently the only touch he showed at this time was to Coaching staff so he could continue to waste icetime. After sucking for the Oilers, Flyers (douches) and Canucks, Josef returned home to Czech Republic with his tail between his legs and his manhood all but annihilated. But uh oh, THE PITTSBURGH PENGUINS thought it would be a wise idea to bring ol Shitenak to the Igloo so Jaromir Jagr would have a poker buddy. He played 8 games and than left to go back to Czech BECAUSE HE WAS SO BLOODY TERRIBLE. Shitenak played for the Czech Olympic team and scored a goal in the goal medal game and parlayed that into another shot at the NHL and had his best season with the high flying Oilers again in 1999. But uh oh, he gets traded again to PITTSBURGH and stayed until 2001.

What was so bad about this guy? The man added nothing to the club. Josef was also SOFT and would fold up like a cheap tent when hit into the boards. He spent his days skating around the rink looking as if he was sight seeing rather than playing hockey. He was like me when I went to Blade Runners for free skates during high school except HE WAS A REAL NHL PLAYER. You aren’t FUCKING BRIAN BOITANO! Get out there and make a play. Blowsef added nothing in either offensely or defensely, powerplay or penalty killing but somehow continued to see significant ice time. The Pens also had other young players that probably could have benefited with that time but Josef was so vital to the team with his 16 goals in 91 GAMES often times playing with Jagr. For whatever reason, I don’t know why he bothered me so much when we add other poor performing players on the team. It might be his uncanny resemblance to Robert Deniro.

I’m watching you FOCKER and thankfully not watching Josef Berenak. Fucker.

4. Tim Lewis – Pittsburgh Steelers Defense Coordinator 2000 – 2003
Preferred Nickname: “Tiny” Tim

Lewis initially started off as our defense backs coach and was promoted once Jim Haslett left. You’d figure with some time behind Dom Capers, Dick Lebeau, Jim Haslett that you’d learn a thing or two about defense. Sadly, this was far from the case. In charge of a veteran defense with bourgeoning talent in Joey Porter, Aaron Smith, Casey Hampton, James Farrior as well as solid veteran base they played their worst under Tiny’s watch.

Pittsburgh was all about blitzing and Tim would blitz only on occasion while still maintaining the soft pass zone that Lebeau/Capers employed before that. The team defense rarely was in attack mode and was neither feared nor truly great despite defense stats and rankings. (For the record, this was a time when we were facing the likes of Anthony Wright, Jon Kitna/Jeff Blake, Tim Couch 8 times out of the season so no wonder we got such good rankings.) Tim would also use this guy (#3) despite there being much better talent on the bench. Tim was the sole reason the Steelers were considered a weak pass defense team with corners playing off and in zone form and without the blitzing that made the Steelers famous. Granted some of this was a talent issue also but unlike a good coordinator, Lewis did not mask his players weaknesses and doomed them. He was also a defensive backs coach and yet the defensive backs were all terrible. When Cowhard fired him, I think I threw a parade.

When the Giants signed this asshat in 2004, I was the first to scream you will rue the day you guys signed him. At first, hey this guy isn’t that bad only that tone to quickly change with every 3rd and 20 getting completed. Lewis is now the d-backs coach for the Carolina Panthers who were last seen failing to cover Larry Fitzgerald without Anquan Boldin. Bravo Tiny. Bravo.

3. FS Brent Alexander
Preferred Nickname: “Burnt” Alexander

Brent was one of Cowhard’s favorite players and thus one of the banes of my existence. Burnt was initially solid as a free safety. Cowhard said it was like “having a coach on the field” and maybe he was at first. ’01 was his finest year for the Steelers and he even beat out competition in ’02. Than like all “coaches on the field” he collapsed into a sea of shit. Partly because he became THE SLOWEST MAN ALIVE.

This combined with being the “last line of defense” means a lot of 3rd and long completions and big plays…AGAINST. Alexander was okay in run support as he was able to slowly creep to the line and make a tackle or two. The problem was in the pass game. Brent made a play on a passed football about as often as you see Jesus in a taco. Safeties also are known to hit. Alexander was no such man. Jarring hit? Fuhgetaboutit. Fumbles? ZIP. In 2002, He finished with a paltry 5 passes defensed, which is utterly piss poor for a starting FS in the NFL and especially one with the moniker of “coach on the field” and last line of defense. His work in the playoffs was no better as the immortal KELLY HOLCOMB and Steve McNair took turns laughing at his wretched range and combined for some 800 yards passing. 2003 was the worst year I’ve ever seen from a safety. Burnt was scorched, abused, and whipped in every game this season. On pass defense -- the primary job of a FS -- Burnt offered no more help than a cast-iron anchor tossed to a drowning man. His cement shoes, combined with unbelievably poor vision, "reading", and anticipation, made Burnt a rare culprit for breaking up an opponent's pass, and an even rarer -- delivering a bone-jarring hit to an enemy receiver. He finished with a paltry 6 passes defensed and 4 INTs. However, all of his INTs were not because of great plays by him but rather mere fair catches by opposing qbs. In his last season, Burnt also impeded the development of All Pros, Troy Polamalu and Chris Hope. For that very reason, I hate the guy and wished him off the team but apparently Cowhard felt having the coach out there was better. Behold, finally he got dumped in 2004 and the Steelers went 16-2.

2. Michel Ouellet
Preferred Nickname: It started out as Fucking Ouelette than mango salsa than Omlette and lastly Douchlette.

Yep. Just as Yinzer said Ouellet was the worst forward on skates I’ve seen since 1988. No player on the Penguins drew as much ire to me than him. His stats were okay to the naked eye but the dude got preferential treatment like nobody’s business thanks to head coach Michel Therrien.

Therrien is a fucking idiot and this alone proves it. It’s like when you played youth sports back in the day, and the coach was pushing his kid with excessive playing even though everyone knew he didn’t warrant. Ouellet did have decent hands but the problem with him is he PLAYS ICE HOCKEY where, you know, he has to move and keep moving. Ouellet couldn’t do that. He couldn’t stick handle. He couldn’t shoot accurately nor put any mustard on the puck. As a result, he was only effective near the front of the net where he could tap things in. The problem with that is that he isn’t physical enough to be the guy in front of the net. Don't get me wrong, I would enjoy watching Ouellet getting thrown and shoved around like an unwanted prostitute but he wasn't the right guy for that job. He even played on a line with Evgeni Malkin and Jordan Staal. How on earth did a guy get such a glorious opportunity? It was laughable trying to watch Ouellet trying to keep up with Malkin. It was more frustrating to watch him fuck up chance after chance. He got his points but really Ouellet was the argument for why secondary assists shouldn’t be counted as stats. The worst aspect of the Ouellet plague was the fans that stuck with him and you had to listen to constantly. HE’S IMPROVING, HE SCORES, HE’s PHYSICAL, they clamored from keyboards, bars and arenas. Indeed quite true. Ouellet added lightly tapping into defenders after they passed the puck as one of his new features. In fact the worthless SOB didn’t even check them hard and was lauded by the lemmings as “Great” and “improving”, “steal for the money,” and "solid defensively" among other vomit-inducing nomenclature.

You may think I’m being dramatic or exaggerated but I would not do that you dear SUS reader. Ouellet was an RFA in ‘07 and his contract was $500k, meaning his qualifying offer would be $550k, $100k above the LEAGUE MINUMUM of $450k. GM Ray Shero earned my good graces forever by not even allowing the Penguins to be riddled with mediocrity and responded by not giving a qualifying offer. If a team you scored 19 goals for doesn’t want to even retain the right to talk to you at $100k above the minimum that must say something. Omlette is currently pursuing a career in acting as the "mango salsa with the roast duck" caveman.

1. Willie Colon
Preferred Nickname: Willie “The” Colon, Colon, FAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

I should put one current player up here and that right now to me is Willie Colon, RT of the AFC Champion Pittsburgh Steelers. From Hofstra, The Colon was a mid round pick and by all accounts a guard. Under the brilliance of Russ Grimm, however, Colon became our starting RT towards the end of the 2006 season. Just a slight issue with this. RT’s are supposed to be a team’s run blocker with massive wingspans, tallest, not the best feet but usually the ones with the nastiest intentions.

At 6-3” tall, he’s an extremely rare breed in the NFL, as there is at most 1 other starting OT in the league that short. Moreover, Colon is blessed with two short arms. He is a more or less a version of a T-Rex. Short, stubby arms and SLOW.

Willie Colon fails to stay pasted to the defender due to his weaknesses. His short arms and slow feet make him a liability run blocking and sealing the edge on outside runs. His poor technique and limited strength make him a liability in the interior run game where he fails to often get movement. As a token rule, you know they're doing their jobs when: If the QB is still standing at the end of a play, and the running backs find an inside path into enemy territory. This happens just about as often for Colon as Micheal Bay directing a good movie. Most NFL defenders can beat Colon to the edge with speed, back to the inside with quickness and technique, and up his chest with the bull rush. The T-rex’s arms can’t get the first punch in more often than not and the defenders either squash any run game or are usually chasing QB Ben Roethlisberger.

With genetics aside, Colon also fails to grasp the mental aspect of the game. Constantly failing to simply lineup consistently for the Colon is one major issue. Why every game this clown can’t stay still the ball is snapped I’ll never know. Oh wait no, I do know. It’s cause he’s terrible and trying to do anything to overpower an opponent. I wonder if his jumps/false starts are an attempt to overcome a deficiency like lack of foot movement. If he cant get a quick start he wont be able to sustain his block. He will also hold someone at least once a game too because of his poor fundamentals.

To make matters worse is the fact that the Colon doesn’t shut up. He is a soundbite machine to the media who probably thinks they are interview Steeler all pro, Casey Hampton, instead of the worthless Colon. Almost weekly, you can see the Colon front and center in articles.

"They weren't better than us; I'll say it to their face," offensive tackle Willie Colon said. This was after Willie got tooled on repeatedly by the likes of Tuck, Tollefson and Robbins.

"You got to ‘bleeping' protect Ben this week," Colon recalled a fan bellowing in a parking lot at Wal-Mart earlier this season. Colon put up his hands and replied: "Man, I'm just trying to buy a loaf of bread."

"People called us the worst offensive line in the NFL," says right tackle Willie Colon. "I've gotten mail calling me the worst right tackle in the league. I've had an old lady cuss me out on the street.

"We don't like them," Colon says. "It's the history, but it's also the arrogance and the disrespect they show us."

Even his act has tired the normal lemming like yinzers who normally buy the Steeler company policy hook line and sinker. If you are that obviously pathetic that old ladies on the street are cussing you out than you must be truly shit. Oh yea, his favorite team is the Giants. If you guys signed Tiny Tim and Burnt Alex than by all means Willie the Colon should be showing up in Giant Blue any minute now and let me tell you that your heart/liver will not be happy.

Ways to survive the weekend without football:

What does this photo have to do with this article? Nothing. But does it really matter?

As you stare at your TV, hoping that your jedi power allows football to appear while your digital cable menu says otherwise, you should know that there are other ways to pass your weekend. In fact, you better start looking for non-football alternatives because preseason NFL games are approximately 30 weeks away. Technically speaking, there are 54,305 things to do this weekend. Here’s a quick list of a few options divided into two parts:

Part 1. Recreation (Because it’s MY weekend Goddammit!)

1. Watch some college basketball. If you’re like me, you don’t start watching college basketball until March, when you put some money on your March Madness pool. If you’re like me, you also lose every year. Take this weekend to get a head start on the competition. Since every non-local Big East team is somehow ranked in the top 25, you can spend your Saturday watching #3 UConn visit #19 Notre Dame, 7pm, Saturday night while spending your Sunday afternoon watching Rick Pitino’s #12 Louisville trek to Syracuse to play the #8 Orange(men).

2. Watch some college hockey. (Devo, what the hell? College hockey? You mean the NHL?) No, douchebag. COLLEGE hockey, a non-existent pastime outside of New England and the Midwest. As a BU alumnus (the Penn State of hockey for many reasons) I can guarantee you two things: 1)College hockey is at least as enjoyable as the NHL. 2) BU will generally suck. But this year, BU is bucking the odds, rising to the #2 in the nation. Can they keep up their mojo against MissMet’s #11 UNH Catamounts? Probably not. Will you be able to find a television that contains college hockey? Even less likely. But it’s cheaper than that hooker you’re leaning towards investing in.

3. Check up on some mock drafts. Get ready for the most overhyped sporting event of the year: The NFL Draft, taking place over the course of two interminable days on the last weekend of April. But this year is different, because if you’re like me, you’re living for the middle rounds, where the Giants, courtesy of and other incredibly well thought out mock drafts are expected to take the pride of Bayonne, N.J. Kenny Britt with the 45th pick of the draft. And once he is taken the Mike Teel watch begins, as Teel is likely to be drafted sometime mid-second day.

4. NHL All Star Game. Ever wonder what a presidential election would look like if it were hacked? Well, come Sunday evening, 6pm, you’ll be able to find out. Hoping to find your favorite NHL star? Well be sure to call your cable company, ask them if you get VS. and enjoy! And the best part about watching the All Star game? Knowing that you won’t miss anything until the everybody-gets-in-but-the-Islanders tournament known as the NHL playoffs start in mid April.

5. Catch up on The Wire. Look, most of this article is copied from an article I wrote last year. I wanted you to catch up on The Wire last year because the 5th and final season was under way a year ago. Truth is, since most of you haven’t caught up with Wire, it’s probably still a good time to start watching the greatest drama that no one cares about. So hit up Blockbuster or Netflix and spend Saturday with Season 1 and Sunday with season 2.

6. Watch an NBA game. Why? Because if you stare at Lebron like he's a magic eye design, you can picture his Cleveland jersey turning into the blue and orange of the Knicks. And if you can already visualize Lebron in Knicks colors, it’s going be a titanic kick in the nuts to Knicks fans when he decides to stay in Cleveland.

7. Australian Open. Sure it takes place at a crazy time due to the 15 hour time difference, but you know that hot girl-on-girl porn you were going to watch tonite? Sharapova and the other chick playing for the Australian Open Championship are hotter than both of those ladies of the night. Wait, Sharapova isn’t playing in the Australian Open? Hrmm, well you’re still pretty likely to watch two hotties grunting it out down under. Especially now that a Williams sister has been eliminated.

Part 2 Improve your Life

8. Take a walk, you obese piece of shit. America is a fat country. And spending your weekends in your carefully sculpted sofa assgroove aint getting us any skinnier.

9. Watch tv or read a newspaper, you stupid, ignorant piece of shit. Americans are not only fat, we’re stupid and have no idea what’s going on in the world. And just because change is on the way doesn’t mean that you’ve become intelligent.

10. Get a girlfriend, you fat, stupid piece of shit. To continue the trend, let’s just say that your knowledge of how Eli sucks in windy conditions doesn’t exactly help you get laid. Trust me. Take this time to go about town, and use your wit to pick up some lady friends. And if that fails, call a hooker.

11. Get me a job. Soon. Please.

54,305. Watch the hype factory known as ESPN. Seriously, this is the last thing you should be doing.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Happy Birthday!


Yep your 10th favorite blog has turned the big 1. We would throw a party but none of us drink. Sorry.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Catching up with the Devils at the All Star Break

Normally at the halfway mark, I'd rock a good/bad/ugly column about the Devils. But I've spent some unemployed days thinking long and hard about it, and I still can't find much, if anything, to put into the bad/ugly part of that column. So without further ado, let's see some reasons why it's good to be a Devil fan.

First the team stats:
-3rd in the East, 1st in the Atlantic with 61 points. If the season ends today, they play the Flyers in the first round.
-9th in goals scored, 4th in goals against.
-14th in pp and pk.

Next some impressive individual stats
-Zach Parise 28 goals (t-3rd) 27 assists, 55 points (t-7th)
-Patrik Elias 20 goals, 34 assists (t-10th), 54 points (9th)
-And just so we're clear, that's two Devils in the top 10 in scoring, neither of whom are on the same line.
-Career #2/#3 goalie, Scott Clemmensen: 18-9-1, 2.30 GAA, .922 sv%
-Career highs in goals for: Travis Zajac (15) and David Clarkson (10)
-And for the record, we've still got nearly a half a season still to play.

Some other reasons to be happy:

-Remember the good ol' days of Madden and Pandolfo shadowing the opponent's top line? No more apparently. Even before Shanahan was brought to this team (more on that below) Pandolfo was placed on the fourth line with Holik and Rupp while Madden was moved to a quasi-checking line along with Rolston and Clarkson. The Rolston/Madden/Clarkson line may not give the Devils their best checking line in team history, but they certainly give the team the highest offensive pop out of any third line in team history. Even killing penalties, Madden is with Elias on the Devils' top pk line. And so far this move is working as the Devils came back from a 5 game road trip giving up only one PP goal in the final period in a win vs. Nashville.

-And speaking of Elias, welcome back Patrik! No player was hurt more by the lockout than Elias, who spent his free season Russia near death from a bout of Hepatitis A. Elias returned in January, '06 but he hasn't been nearly the same player that he was before the lockout. He would go on a scoring streak for a few weeks, but would then disappear for weeks at a time. But this year, for whatever reason, it seems as though he's ready for a consistently very good year. And for the record, he's not on the same line as Parise, so he's finding his own path to gold.

-And speaking of Parise, I'm not asking for a Hart Trophy for the man. The Hart should be monopolized by Penguins and Capitals for the next 10-15 years. But can Parise please get nominated if he keeps this up? Homeboy is on pace to get 45-50 goals and with all due respect to Captain Langenbrunner, has become the on ice leader of the team.

-And speaking of Parise and the Hart Trophy, reason #45,584 why the NHL could be a fantastic league with improved PR: what other league refers to their trophies almost solely by the names of past greats? I'm looking your way, Hart Trophy, Stanley Cup, Lady Byng, etc...

-And uh, Scott Clemmensen's been very good too. Two things we have learned from this: 1) Sutter will ride every goalie he has as hard as he rode Brodeur last year. Clemmensen is playing about as many games this year and 2) either Clemmensen is a very good goalie or the Devils defense is better than anyone thought...

-...and I'm going with the latter. Clemmensen is probably pretty good, but this defense is starting to make a claim in their own right. The defense doesn't have a whole lot of experience, but most of the guys have made significant strides this year. It's a given that Martin and White would probably make a #1 defensive pairing on most teams. Likewise, Mottau and Oduya have made significant strides and are more than capable defensemen. I always had higher expectations for Greene, but as a 3rd defensive pairing, the Devils could be way worse.

-Another great thing for contending teams to have: two enforcers by the name of Mike Rupp and David Clarkson. As for Rupp, I'll concede that other than reminding fans of the 2003 Cup, in which he scored the Cup clinching goal, Rupp doesn't do much more than fight. But Clarkson is turning himself into a heckuva player, modeling himself as a poor man's Dave Andreychuk. Clarkson could just be a checking line enforcer who's not afraid to throw down the gloves, but he has become a big guy to stand in front of the net and collect garbage goals. And yeah, a 20 goal season at the age of 24 isn't too shabby either.

-But what makes this team click is the fact that they have two stellar scoring lines, something not always seen during the Lamoriello era. I'm not ready to compare either of the top two lines to the Elias/Arnott/Sykora line of '00, but both of these lines are good enough to succeed on any playoff contender. With the Langenbrunner/Zajac/Parise line, the Devils showcase two of their building blocks for the future along with their captain, while the second line of Elias/Zubrus/Gionta contains two bonafide goal scorers who are playing as well as they have in three years. In fact, all you need to know about the effectiveness of the top two lines is that they're so good that...

-there's no room for free agent sniper Brian Rolston on either of the scoring lines. No way that someone with Rolston's shot should be on anything but the top two lines, but the truth is that it's not worth breaking up success that the scoring lines have provided. So instead, as discussed, Rolston has worked his way onto the third line, a quasi-checking quasi-scoring line with Madden and Clarkson. And Rolston has been effective; not necessarily in a way that can be measured on the stat sheet, but he of the dynamite slap shot is always a force to be feared on the power play, and a way for the Devils to trot out four forwards on the power play.

-And last but not least, welcome to the team Brendan Shanahan! I'm not calling Shanahan old, but the man was traded for Scott Stevens! And he had almost 90 goals under his belt at the time! So yeah, the man is old, but he adds some scoring toughness and another offensive weapon to a team that already has a surprising amount of offense recounted above.

Conclusion: So I'm not saying that this team WILL represent the East in the Stanley Cup this year. But I am saying this: in a year when the Devils offense and defense is as good as it's been post-lockout, in a year where Brodeur should come back in March and be well-rested for the playoffs for the first time post-lockout, why should the Devils not be considered as serious Cup Contenders?

Superbowl Bullshitting with Mahatma

Alas with the Steelers in the superbowl, atleast 3 members of SUS are happy and enjoying themselves for now.

Here are some topline issues going into the game for now. Obviously, more to come because really what the hell else is there to talk about? Hockey? NBA?

The Line:

Seven is too high for my blood but the Steelers should be favored.

The tickets:

Too expensive for the lunch pail guys like myself. Bucket list goal #458974984 still unattained.


The Cards might be without two solid contributors along their defensive line in Travis Laboy and Antonio Smith. Of the two, Smith is most notable as he has teamed with Darnell Docket and been tremendous as a defensive end/defensive tackle in both the 3/4 and 4/3 alignments the Cards use. Smith has been a beast stuffing the run in the playoffs and added sacks. Laboy is an average player but in a rotation has proved deadly and has taken turns at both DE and LOLB. Both are questionable and both would be big time losses.

The big injury for the steelers is HINES WARD. He'll probably play but how effective will he be? Ward isn't as fast as he used to be but he still gets open and can still attack a team's short to intermediate zones. Ward didn't play in the last game against Arizona either. The Steelers need to be able to prepare for getting into a shootout should the game dictate as such. Regardless, they will need to put up points

The Media:

is already showing their lack of knowledge on either team. ESPN in general is worthless and probably will be until about a week from now. This is all just terrible generalizations flying around where fans that have seen more than 3 games of either team seem to know more.
Why does everyone insist on looking at the last game we played and thin
king that's a good benchmark for how we come out in the next game? Arizona is not Baltimore nor is Pittsburgh Philadelphia think our media geniuses would know that? Oh right, because in most cases, it's the first time they've seen either team.

Most important matchup:

Steelers offense vs. Arizona defense. Both were considered to be weaknesses before the playoffs and both have done just enough for their teams to squeek by. I'm not saying this matchup of high octane offense vs. elite defense favors the defense always but usually these two strengths of a team cancel out the other and we are left watching the matchup on the other side of the ball to dictate a victor.


Look Fitzgerald will get his 100 yards that's a given. In fact even in 4 of Arizona's losses this season he has broke the 100 yard barrier. It's going to be someone else and I'll mention who I think that will be some point next week.


A lot has been made of the Cardinals coaching advantage and this is true. Whiz does not the players and what we like to run but wouldn't the Steelers know the same. Didn't the Cheezenhunt also practiced against Dick Lebeau for 3 seasons? Wouldn't he kindof know what a guy like Cheezenhunt likes to run also and in certain situations? Just saying.

Things that Really Grind my Gears

1) I am not saying Larry Fitzgerald is not the best receiver in the game. Clearly he has played like he is the best pass catcher in the league during the playoffs. But its just a little irritating to be told someone is the best receiver in the game when not one writer or expert said this 3 weeks ago. Eli was a great QB after 4 straight playoff wins including a Super Bowl tile right?, is he now??!

2) The NBA regular season games are just tough to get into. I was all hot and bothered for a Lakers Cavs showdown Monday night. However, I found myself watching Family Guy and Rachel Maddow instead. I realize that unless I have a stake in the outcome, have that read a Knicks game, I just can't care. I enjoy watching the greatness of Kobe and Lebron but I guess I can only stand to do so on sportscenter and during the playoffs.

3) Well I guess The Giants will have to do without the great Spags next year. I think that Spags made a big mistake honestly. The Rams is an organization in complete and utter disaray. If he thinks he can turn the Rams defense into the 07 Giants defense, he's about 3 star Defensive Ends and a field general linebacker short. I truly do wish him luck but I think he would have been better served staying here and riding out the return of Osi for a year than going to the moribund Rams.

4) I also guess that now the media will stop interviewing run of the mill politicians that happen to be black purely because of his/her race. G-d knows I love Barack but I have grown tired of the affirmative action TV interviewing policy over the last week or so. There are some truly great Black individuals in this country such as Oprah, Barck, and Clarence Thomas (yea right) but I don't care what some random black politician thinks about Obama being elected any more than I do joe black guy. Just saying.

5) Finally The Knicks. How do you beat the Celtics and Hornets but lose to the Thunder and Wizards. This team is actually more irritating than any of the post Ewing era. Its players only seem to get up for big teams and or big games. Earth to the Knicks... YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO BEAT ANYBODY JUST BY STEPPING ON THE COURT! YOU AREN'T THE CELTICS, LAKERS OR CAVS! ugh. Yankees season can't get here fast enough.

Alright more ranting next week. I do plan on making this a regular spot again folks.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Match the photo with his quote:

A) Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose

B) The Iraqi people will greet us as liberators.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The AFC Championship: A Pictorial Journey

And so it was that the Steelers thrice defeated their hated rivals the Baltimore Ratbirds in a single season to move on to try and obtain the holy grail of football: the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Despite the vitriol, hate-hate relationship between these teams, there is a mutual respect for each other because both know the other is undeniably good. And so I too will show my respect by showing a pictorial journey of the Steelers and Ravens during their final game of the season against the Steelers.

And if you know me by now, by “showing respect” I mean “shitting all over the douchebags” and by “pictorial journey” I mean “using photos to make fun of them.” So in the words of Mahatma’s hero the immortal Bill Cowher: Let’s go!

Even the Airforce hates the Ratbirds

Get used to this position, cause we’re gonna shit all over you

"You shall not pass!"

Flacco about to lose his anal virginity

Don’t do it Ben! He’s got a knife and two people to blame it on!

At least the Ravens don't have to deal with this tool

Oh no! My Unibrow powers have failed me!

Ray “The Shanker” Lewis

Ryan Clark’s hit on Willis McGahee

And because it’s still great

And to sum up the game:

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Open Letter to the Baltimore Ravens

Dear Baltimore Ratbirds and their fans:


Pittsburgh Steelers and their fans

P.S. Joe Flacco is a douche