"In the little spare time I have between making horrible free agent signings and hiring incompetent scouts, I read "Straight up Sports" Brian "Free Pass" Cashman
So this might be the craziest shit I've ever heard. I realize that doctors are really smart but seriously I think I could tell the difference between a foot and an anus. See I knew you had to be really smart in med school in all but really I guess med schools should restructure their curriculum to focus on the fundamentals. Ok fine it's probably some intern or nurse's fault but still maybe they should teach Anatomy 101 during that rigorous application process?
Course lost in this whole mess is the fact that this military retiree has a brand spanking new anus and well let's just that joke is a little too easy to make even for me.
Good game to you little clinic in Hochfranken, Bavaria. I'll be sure to stop in next time when I need a new anus.
I have nothing to say about this other than the fact that it is our duty as Americans to remember that Hideki Matsui loves the porn. An excerpt:
Instructed to stay in the team dormitory and refrain from dating during the first several years of his career, so as to devote all his concentration solely to baseball, Matsui agreeably complied, without so much as a whimper. Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos.
So, I was going to begin this article with a nice rendition of Meet the Mets, but then I found this:
But lest we leave off the best showtunes-ish theme song in sports:
New York Mets:
What’s Good: Losing streaks don’t carry over season-to-season, do they?No, but seriously, they still have the best lineup in the National League.And bringing Johan Santana over does two things: 1. Gives them the best pitcher in baseball, always a plus.Almost as important though, it makes Perez and Maine 3rd and 4th starters instead of 2nd and 3rd.So congratulations Mets, you now have enough pitching to contend in October.Now get there this year.
What Isn’t: Doug Pelfrey going from prospect to possible 5th starter when El Duque gets hurt.And Billy Wagner is good to blow his share of games this year.The talking heads on WFAN will say that this team has no depth and is screwed if anyone gets hurt, but how many teams are any different? Prediction: 93-69
Philadelphia Phillies:
What’s Good: If the Mets have the best lineup in the National League, the Phillies, with Howard, Utley, Rollins, are 2nd.And Cole Hamels is going to compete for the Cy Young award.
The Bad:Other than Cole Hamels, their pitching staff consists of Jamie Moyer, who was old 6 years ago, and crap.And Brad Lidge is their closer.Is it just me or has he been terrible the last few years? Prediction: 92-70
Atlanta Braves:
What’s Good: The Braves have a surprisingly good, young lineup led by Texiera, Francoeur and McCann.Also, their closer, Rafael Soriano has been on the path to becoming a top flight closer for a while now.
What Isn’t:I know Mets fans hated the Braves before, but how about when they face Hampton and Glavine back-to-back?If there’s a god, Jose Reyes hits a line drive into Glavine’s pitching elbow. Prediction: 82-80
Washington Nationals:
What’s Good:A new stadium.And Ryan Zimmerman.And Nick Johnson’s healthy today. (but who knows what tomorrow brings)Um, did I mention they have a new stadium?
What Isn’t:Starting Pitching.Their #1 starter from last year, John Patterson was cut recently.And their lineup and bullpen aren’t necessarily bad, but they’re certainly not good enough to compensate for awful starting pitching. Prediction:69-93
Florida Marlins
What’s Good:South Florida has a basketball team worse than the Knicks, a football team worse than the Jets, thousands of old Jewish grandparents who voted Pat Buchanan in ’00, and like 80% of my extended family on both sides.All of this is to say that the Marlins aren’t necessarily the most embarrassing thing about South Florida.Congrats to Henley Ramirez & Co.
What Isn’t:Honestly, it’s not even worth mentioning the weaknesses on this abortion of a baseball team. Prediction: Who cares.The people of South Florida certainly don’t.
So there has been talk about how the Phoenix Coyotes have improvement this year is due to the coaching of Wayne Gretzky. I am telling you right now: don’t even think of giving this man the credit.
You can say Gretzky has improved as a coach, that may be true, but that is not what has made the Yotes a better team this year. The main culprit in that is goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov. Bryzgalov is a number one goalie who Anaheim tried to trade but could find no takers because everyone knew they would be trading him. Not able to even get a late round pick for him, Anaheim GM Brian Burke placed him on waivers where he was picked up by the Coyotes. This is how waivers work in the NHL. Each team can put in a claim to the player on waivers. The team with the worst record who puts in the claim gets the player. The Coyotes were the 4th worst team in the league at that time, and so were able to acquire him for nothing. But they had to be bad at that point to begin with. Since that time the Coyotes have been a legitimate team.
Let me give you some back history on the Coyotes. Nikolai Khabibulin, current goalie in Chicago who helped Tampa Bay win a cup in 2004 was the last legitimate starting goaltender the Yotes had and they dealt him at the trade deadline his final season there. The year: 2001. Since then the Coyotes have fielded journeymen, busts and end of their career guys such as Sean Burke, Curtis Joseph, Brian Boucher and David Leneveau just as some examples of those. That’s seven years (about 5 seasons due to the lockout and being dealt at the deadline) that the team has gone without a legitimate starter. And anyone who knows even a little bit of hockey knows that you cannot win without a goalie, period. This is why the Yotes have been toiling at the bottom of the standings since that time.
So now after Bryzgalov is acquired the Coyotes are now in a race to make the final playoff spot. But yet some people aren’t putting two and two together here. All of a sudden you have a starting goalie in your ranks for the first time in years and you attribute the jump in the standings and play to the coach? Hmm…
Also, the Coyotes did the smartest thing they could do at the end of last season: fire GM Mike Barnett. In my last article I blasted GM’s Jay Feaster and Don Waddell as the two worst GM’s in the league. Barnett was worse than either of them. His solution was to bring in over priced veterans who were a year from retirement to fill in the gaps. Plus every off season and deadline he was very active, “overhauling” his roster to make it better. So really twice a year the team had significant changes. Unfortunately real life hockey doesn’t work like the video games and Barnett was unable to realize that.
So with Barnett gone new GM Don Maloney did little in the off season choosing to leave spaced open for young players. His only notable acquisition was Radim Vrbata from Chicago who has been a pleasant surprise netting 27 goals after a previous career high of 15. This was a smart move as the younger players are now starting to come into their own and will only get better.
So where exactly does Gretzky fit in with the success? Nowhere. Bryzgalov is the majority why the Coyotes have improves so much this year, and getting rid of an awful GM the next. Gretzky’s positive impact, if any, is negligible.
Right before I get off the train in Rockville last night, I get a call from BH-I'm in town, come to Dupont Circle to watch the WVU game, see ya there in 20. So I get off the Metro at Grosvenor, cross the track and get on the train heading into town.
Some highlights:
-Joe Alexander. You know how to tell that he's not from WV? (or at least Texas) His first name is simply Joe. Shouldn't it be Joe John or Joe Jack? Naturally, I called him Joe Jack or Joe John all game. The WV faithful looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language, or asked them to add 2+3.
-Wellington Smith, black dude, WVU. Led to this exchange: BH: Yeah, I heard he's named after his estranged father. Devo: Wow, so he and Kate Mara are stepsiblings. Devo: That would be why Smith's grandmother was always nicknamed Sally Hemmings.
-Is it just me, or is Bob Huggins the type of coach that you would expect to go to a post game frat party and bang some co-eds?
-Not a Xavier score went by without BH wanting a charge. And not a WV offensive possession went by without BH wanting a blocking foul. Kinda like how the Packers', Cowboys', and Patriots' O-lines held on every offensive possession and committed pass interference on every Eli throw.
-Would it kill WV to make a shot in the final 4 minutes of OT?
-Watching the UCLA game from the Ugly Pug by Capitol Hill, I was the asshole who responded to the UCLA chants with "U-S-C." Yeah, I'm that guy. BH and I tried a W-K-U chant, and then we looked at each other quizzically as we tried to say their mascot. We should've just assumed it was a wildcat.
-To bring this back to the Superbowl XLII Giants, I wore a Yankee hat to the bar last night and got a surprising amount of Yankees Suck chants. Yada yada yada, I'm going to miss being able say 18-1 if the Pats ever win a Super Bowl again.
This team looks to be the best team in all of baseball. They made the single best trade that baseball has seen in many years. They traded talented but novice outfielder Cameron Maybin and some other people who I don’t know anything about for frontline starter D-Train “It’s Dontrelle, cuz” Willis and All Star 3B Miguel Cabrera. Although I think Cabrera has a lot of dog in him, his talents and power at the plate are unquestioned. Willis has been mired in mediocrity for the last several seasons but might feel rejuvenated pitching on a serious title contender.The Tigers lineup is absolutely scary. This lineup is better than the one Torre filled in on his scorecard prior to game 1 of the 2006 ALDS. That lineup featured rising super star Robinson Cano as the 9 hitter. Well, the Tigers lineup is even deeper this season.Miguel Cabrera, Garry Sheffield and Magglio “I should have just given Canseco the movie money” Ordonez and Carlos Guillen coalesce into the sexiest middle of the order that many of us have ever seen on a lineup card. As long as Justin Verlander does his thang and Bonderman doesn’t fuck it up, this team will be incredible.
Cleveland Indians 90-72
I hate this freaking team. No, not because they beat my Bronx Bombers in the playoffs (though that doesn’t help), but because they choked away a 3-1 series lead to the hated Red Sox. Seriously, did Carmona have to give up that grand slam to J.D. Drew? Anyway, The Tribe is a very good team. If the American league could invite a 5th team to the post season dance, it surely would invite the Indians. They have an excellent top of the rotation and a strong middle of the lineup with Travis Hafner, Jhony “my mom and Dywane Wade’s mom apparently have the same baby names book” Peralta and slugging 1b/Catcher Victor Martinez. Maybe I’m picking them to just miss the playoffs because I can’t bear the thought of the Yanks not being in the dance during their final season in the Stadium. However, I really believe that and Borowski’s 5+ ERA will cost them meaningful games down the stretch of the season and their head to head matchups with the Tigers will take a lot out of them in the standings.If Sabathia gets traded away mid-season, this team may fall south of 80 wins by the end of the year.
Minnesota Twins= 81 wins, third place
No team that was in a pennant race last year had a more disastrous off-season than the Twinkies. They traded away the game’s best pitcher for some minor league trash from the Mets.This defies logic given that the Yanks were willing to offer them phenom Phillip Hughes and that Boston was willing to offer them future star CF Jacoby Elsebury and pitcher John Lester.They also, as expected, lost Web Gem master Torri Hunter in free agency to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of North America of Planet Earth.(Editor's note: this joke has been amazingly played out by bloggers/writers across America)The only thing the Twins have going for them as they enter the 2008 season, other than a nice young offensive tandem of 1b Justin Mourneau and Catcher Joe Mauer, is the return of the immensely talented Francisco Liriano to headline an otherwise weak rotation. They did resign potential future hall of fame closer Joe Nathan to a multi-year deal as well. Still, a weak rotation and average lineup won’t be enough in a division with two very talented teams at the top.
Chicago White Sox 78 wins
The White Sox have had quite a fall from grace following their 2005 championship season. Jose Contreras has returned to his Yankees form, Mark Buherle has never been the same pitcher after throwing an obscene amount of innings during the 2005 run and slugger Jermaine Dye had a miserable 2007 season after having an MVP caliber 2006 campaign. They did acquire Nick Swisher who has some power but who is largely overrated.Bobby Jenks is an excellent finisher but he won’t get the chance to do it enough with the wildly inconsistent Contreras and Javier “ Grand-slam’’ Vasquez filling out the 2nd and 3rd slots in the rotation.The lineup is good enough to win a bunch of games for them and Orlando Cabrera, whose mission on this earth is to plays well against the Yankees, was an excellent signing.I just don’t think their lineup is strong enough to carry a mediocre pitching staff.
Kansas City Royals 70 wins
They have some nice young players. Alex Gordon will hopefully rebound from his rocky 07 season and the Mets will probably wish they never let go of emerging quality starter Brian Bannister. Bannister is carving out a nice little niche as KC’s #2 starter. As much as we all love saying Dejesus or as Devo calls him De Jesus, and as fun as it is to make fun of YES for the 150,890,875 camera shots of Tony Pena when his son is batting against his father’s team, this team just sucks.
2 head coaches. 2 amazingly underperforming teams. 2 coaches who willreturn next year. Looks like we're set for at least one more winter of basketball indifference before anything changes with the local teams.
What's Good: A damn good lineup…Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez make this team a formidable offensive threat…Ya gotta love Big Z.I’m still pissed that he didn’t allow the Yanks to make a run at him...And the rest of their starting rotation is certainly solid with Lilly, Hill, Dempster and Jason Marquis.
What Isn't: It’s going to be a long time before I refer to Geovany Soto as anything other than “the first guy taken in this year’s fantasy draft who I knew nothing about.”…Likewise, when people drafted Kosuke Fukudome, I thought they drafted Japanese real estate….and good luck with Kerry Wood as your closer.He’ll be effective if healthy, but that’s a Francessa-sized if. Prediction: 90-72
The Brewers from "The Good Land"
What’s Good: The names on this team.Prince Fielder, Tony Gwynn Jr., “Teen sensation” Corey Hart.And between Prince, Hart, J.J. Hardy, and Ryan Braun, this should be the best lineup in the NL in about 3 years assuming the Ghost of Bud Selig holds this team together…and if Ben Sheets can stay healthy, hello ace of the staff.
What Isn't: The pitching staff.I refuse to believe that JeffSuppan is anything close to a major league starting pitcher, forget about a #2 in a rotation.World Series ring be damned, the fact that there are 3 pitchers below him in a 5 man rotation exemplifies the sad state of Brew Crew pitching…oh and Milwaukee fans should ask their New England cousins if Eric Gagne is a competent closer…and you don’t have to be Mahatma to realize that Kendall pretty much sucks. Prediction-84-78
Houston Astros
What’s Good: I’ll give the Astros credit-they have a much better lineup than I thought they had: Berkman, Wiggy, Carlos Lee, the always underrated Mark Loretta, and Mr. B-12 himself, Miggy Tejada…Man, I must be getting old because I remember when 4th outfielder Darren Erstad was one of the better centerfielders.
What Isn't: As per NL Central standards, the Astros have one ace (Oswalt) and then crap.Wandy Rodriguez is many things, but a #2 starter shouldn’t be one of them. Prediction: 80-82
Pittsburgh Pirates
(Mahatma will have a more detailed Pirate preview early next week for both of you that care.) What’s Good: The fact that the Penguins have a shot to be playing until June, enabling the locals to forget that they have a baseball team.But seriously, they probably have the second best pitching staff in the division.Snell, Gorzelanny, and Maholm are all pretty solid and more importantly, young, with room to improve.Matt Morris isn’t what he was, whatever that was, but there are worse #4 starters out there.
What Isn't: X-man! LaRoche! Canada’s own JasonBay! It’s the fearsome Pirate lineup! Next… Prediction: 79-83 (First half surprise team before pulling a ’07 Milwaukee Brewers in the 2nd half)
St. Louis Cardinals
What’s good: 5 words: Albert Pujols and little else.And Pujols might be hurt. Glaus and Ankiel are decent hitters, but Glaus will get hurt, and let’s see how a post-Mitchell Report Ankiel fares.
What Isn't: Pitching.Pretty much every aspect of it.Adam Wainright is their ace.And ask MissMet about their #2 starter, Braden Looper.Kyle Lohse, their #3 starter is this year’s winner of “best mediocre pitcher who the media wrongfully hypes as being worth anything more than $7.00/hr.” Prediction: 79-83
Cincinnati Reds
What's Good: The lineup isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty solid with Dunn, Griffey, and Brandon Phillips.(Is it just me or does this apply to all the NL Central teams except for the Pirates?)Aaron Harang is coming off a damn good year and should continue his success into next season.
What Isn't: Has anyone seen Harang’s photo? Damn that’s eerie.Starters 2-5 aren’t that great, but the more of these previews that I do, the more I realize that starting pitching depth isn’t a necessity.But you might not want to have two of the stars of the ’96 Yankee bullpen, David Weathers and Mike Stanton, as your top two bullpen guys.And while Adam Dunn hit .266 last year, that happens to be a career high that he may or may not ever accomplish again. Prediction-76-86
So I'm in a supermarket buying some breakfast. I use the self-checkout lines to speed through. As I'm taking my change, I find $40 worth of bills in the spare change/bills section. I have 3 choices here: I can A) take the money and get myself 30 seconds with a high-class call girl (seriously, do you really need any more time than that?) B) ignore the money and let the lady behind me be in line win the low-stakes lottery or C) give the money to the store manager or anyone else i can find.
I can't believe I chose C. I took the money, gave it to the lady who was working the self-checkout area, and left. I didn't see her do anything with the money, so I'm assuming there's a 80% chance that she pocketed it. If I had to do it all over again, I probably would've taken it and given it to the homeless guy outside as BH suggested. Sure, he's only going to spend it on booze, but would I spend it on anything different?
In the meantime, I absolutely hate myself for taking the moral course of action in this instance.
Since the lockout the parity for the NHL has been much greater, with the battle for the last three or four playoff spots being raged rather than the last one or two. With the NHL season winding down five teams: St. Louis Blues, Los Angeles Kings, New York Islanders, Tampa Bay Lightning and Atlanta Thrashers have all been mathematically eliminated from the post season. Though their seasons are all but over, that doesn’t mean there is no hope for the future of these teams.
New York Islanders The Isles once again have done better with a lower level of talent than anyone expected. Injuries to key players hurt the team even more when you don’t have the talent to keep up. Ted Nolan continues to show he can make something out of nothing by keeping the team in contention much of the season. However, the Isles need to spend their money better than giving $3mm to Andy Sutton and $2.9mm to Ruslan Fedotenko, both worth about half their respective salaries. Mike Milbury still has his tainted touch on this team so it will take GM Garth Snow another year or so to clean it up. Some better drafting will help, but more importantly the right free agents at the right price is needed, something the Isles have yet to do.
Atlanta Thrashers I will put this simply: as long as Don Waddell is GM of this team there is no hope. He might have done well in the Hossa deal, but all his other deals have been rather one sided against him, including all of his deadline deals last year. In his eight years as GM of the Thrashers he has yet to address the need for defense by doing more than signing and aging blue liner. Also, outside of Ilya Kovalchuk and Dany Heatley, two no-brainers, his drafting record has been atrocious at best. There are few prospects in the Thrashers system that will have a major impact in the coming years. He is one of the worst GM’s in the league bar none and until he is gone the Thrashers can’t expect to be going anywhere soon.
Tampa Bay Lightning See how I said Waddell was one of the worst GM’s? That’s because this guy is the worse. Jay Feaster gave in to the demands of all his big three players when they were up for contract, which forced him to deal away Brad Richards this year to Dallas for Jussi Jokinen, Jeff Halpern and Mike Smith, the latter being the goalie they so desperately need. While the Richards deal freed up salary and gave the Lightning some much needed depth, it was unfortunately negated by the fact Feaster once again gave in to the demands of one of his most important players handing Dan Boyle over $6.5mm a year. Please note this is the amount perennial Norris candidate Scott Niedermayer makes and Boyle is no Niedermayer. Also like Waddell he is a very poor drafter, Paul Ranger being the best drafted prospect since Vincent Lecavalier and Brad Richards. If Feaster is smart, which he isn’t, he will spend what cap space he has on bringing in another scoring winger or second line center plus a steady defenseman that won’t break the bank.
Los Angeles Kings The Kings have one of the best young cores in the NHL with the likes of Alexander Frolov, Dustin Brown, Anze Kopitar and Jack Johnson. However, they are lacking two very important things: a coach and a goalie. Coach Marc Crawford is the only man on this planet that thinks Dan Cloutier is a good goalie, so that should send up a big red flag there. Kings fans don’t seem too high on what he is able to make of the talent either. The Kings are not a talent devoid team in the least, and though they had some injuries it’s obviously not a lack of talent being the problem. As for a goalie, they have the promising Jonathan Bernier in the ranks, but he is still very young and rough around the edges, and it will be a few years until he is ready for fulltime duty. The goalie carousel has been in full force this season as the Kings have fielded a total of six different goalies. If the Kings can get a new coach and a decent interim goalie they have the talent to be a contender even if their young roster is still a bit rough around the edges.
St. Louis Blues The Blues had an up and down season, a repetitive cycle of hot and cold with the latter having the dominant toll. The Blues have a decent young core with Erik Johnson (not related to the aforementioned Kings Jack), Lee Stempniak and Brad Boyes. They do have some promising prospects coming through the system and it would be wise if they let some of their free agents in the coming year or so like Martin Rucinsky and Keith Tkachuk walk. They already offloaded some free agents at the deadline to free up the room and stock up on picks. Most their free cap space has been taken up by extensions next year so don’t look for them to be big spenders. While the outlook may not be great for St. Louis the next year, a few years down the line they can be a solid team once again if their they develop their young players correctly.
Everything, as long as they play the Yankees.And John Lackey when he’s not playing the Red Sox.After Lackey, they have enough pitchers who have been good recently, (Kelvim Escobar, Jon Garland) mixed with pitchers with loads of potential (Lil’ Weaver, Ervin Santana, Joe Saunders) to create a damn good rotation.Oh, and they still have K-Rod and Vladdy Daddy.
What sucks?
The entire team against the Red Sox.Seriously, have I mentioned how bitter I am that a team can destroy the Yanks but choke on their own vomit when they go to Fenway?Their offense can play small ball, but are Garrett Anderson and Torii Hunter legitimate 4-5 hitters on a World Series contender?
Prediction: 89-73
Seattle Mariners
What’s good?
A fairly consistent if not overpowering lineup, led by the ridiculously consistent Ichiro.They traded for arguably the best starter in the game in Erik Bedard.(Also the best Canadian athlete not named Steve Nash.Sorry, JasonBay.)And J.J. Putz is the best closer that no one (myself included) has ever heard of.
What’s bad?
But as good as their lineup is, there’s not one person who scares me besides Ichiro.Sure, Beltre, Sexson, Vidro, and Ibanez are nice to have, but how good are they?And their #2 starter is Felix Hernandez, who has been able to legally drink since last April.Sure, he’ll be good, but isn’t this expecting a lot?
Prediction- 86-76
Oakland A’s
What’s good?
Uh, is Moneyball still a bestseller?No?Well, hey, at least they still have…Tim Hudson?Mark Mulder?Barry Zito? Dan Haren?Rich Harden?Well hey, one out of 5 aint bad, even if Harden’s hometown is listed as the disabled list.(hi-yo!)And they get to remind jealous Yankee fans that Jason Giambi isn’t their problem anymore.
What’s bad?
Did you read the good?Pretty much everything sucks.Eric “the franchise” Chavez and his .240 average and 15 home runs are what qualify as the #3 hitter in this fearsome-as-a-VW lineup.And Jack “does this Jersey guy get his ‘roids from the same Newark dealer who sold me pot?” Cust is now the cleanup hitter.Oh and remember Joe Blanton, #4 starter?Not anymore.Say hello to Joe Blanton, opening day starter!Seriously, the Gibril Wilson-led Raiders may have a better chance of bringing the playoffs to Oakland this year.
Prediction: 70-92.
Texas Rangers
What’s good?
Uh, mediocre setup man Joaquin Benoit has a pretty cool name?Hey, at least Buck Showalter isn’t walking through that door!Hey, at least they play the A’s a bunch!
What’s bad?
Everything else.More specifically, Milton “Most violent….board game….ever.” Bradley is their cleanup hitter.And Kevin Millwood is their ace.The #2?Vincente “Ace” Padilla.Their closer?C.J. Wilson.Yeah, I got nothing.
We at SUS know that you, dear reader come to the site for two reasons: 1. good old fashioned Hillary Clinton bashing and 2. to find the you tubes that you were too lazy to find yourself. Well, indulge us as we preview the Major League baseball season which effectively begins next Monday. White Boy and myself are going to be moonwalking through the divisions, starting out West and ending in the East by week's end. Without further ado, here's White Boy's take on the NL West: National League West Preview
Arizona Diamondbacks= 1st place 92 wins
The D-backs had a very solid regular season last year and looked impressive in sweeping the Cubs out of the playoffs before getting unceremoniously dumped in 4 games by the Rockies in the NLCS. The D-backs are returning ace Brandon Webb and made a huge splash this off-season acquiring one of the biggest prizes of the off season, Dan Haren, even if they mortgaged a lot of their future to acquire him. Still, Haren gives the defending N.L West Champs formidable 1-2 starters in their rotation heading into the 2008 campaign.But don’t expect old man Randy to suddenly find the fountain of youth that has eluded him since the beginning of the 2005 season. They did get rid of overachieving closer Jose Valverde filling his spot with the talented but injury prone Brandon Lyon. The D-backs also will bring back a plethora of young talents like Stephen Drew, Justin Upton and Connor Jackson as well as veterans Eric Byrnes and Orlando “O-dog” Hudson. The D-backs should be the best team in this division and compile at least 90 wins en route to a 2nd straight division title.
Colorado Rockies= 2nd place 87 wins
The Rock Show was the best story in major league baseball last season. They went on to record one of the greatest runs in baseball history winning 22 straight games including the post-season. During this impressive stretch, they won all 7 games they played in the National league playoffs before being destroyed by the new evil empire in the fall classic. The Rockies lost 2B Kaz Matsui to free agency in the offseason which leaves them with a fairly big offensive hole to fill. (Though Mets fans will tell you it’s addition by subtraction.)They added former Yankee Louis Vizciano to bolster their pen. They boast a strong lineup as far as NL lineups go, with sluggers such as Todd Helton and Matt Holliday to go along with Derek Jeter wannabe and rising star SS Troy Tulowitzki.Throw in speedy CF and leadoff man/bunter extraordinaire Willy Taveras and you have a strong top of the lineup. Expect Jeff Francis to continue to grow as a starter and for Manny Corpas to do relatively well in the closer role. The problem is that the rest of their starting rotation and bullpen is very mediocre. With Coors Field already being a hitter’s friendly ball park, expect the Rockies to give up a ton of runs and for their offense to be inconsistent enough to cost them several games. Overall, expect a slightly above 500 season with no playoffs at its end for the defending NL champs.
Los Angeles Dodgers= 3rd place 84 wins
This is going to be a 100 plus win team 6 years ago. With aged super stars like Jeff Kent, Nomar Garciaparra and Andruw Jones, this team has some of the league’s best players of yesteryear. Too bad this is 2008. Seriously though, the Dodgers have two great young players in 1b James Loney and Catcher Russell Martin. They also have a stellar bullpen which features closer Takashi Saito, Jonathan Broxton and yes, Joe Torre gets to further destroy the once strong right arm of Scott Proctor. Proctor is really going to hate Torre by the end of this season. They have a solid ace in Brad Penny but again are trying to live in the past with former Sox closer and 2004 World Champion starter Derek Lowe. This team has enough veteran savvy and talent to win some games, but doesn’t have the dominant starting pitching or lineup to realistically make the post season.
San Diego Padres= 4th place 78 wins
“Like a Rolling Thunder, Pouring rain, I’m coming on like a Hurricane” as AC/DCserenades the Padre’s faithful upon closer Trevor Hoffman’s ascension onto the mound, the crowd must be thinking, “good thing this is a game in April-august, he might not blow this one.” Okay, so maybe that’s overstating it a bit, but Hoffman choked as badly as a closer could choke at the close of the 2007 regular season. He blew saves in consecutive appearances in which closing out either game could have clinched the wildcard for his club. Instead, he coughs up the playoffs and let the Rockies continue their magic carpet ride. The good news for Pad’s fans is that his services might not be needed in most games that front-line starters Jake Peavy and Chris Young start; that is if San Diego’s paltry offense provides them enough support. With the likes of Tony Clark, Tadihito Iguchi and Khalil Greene leading the offense, this team promises to contend for the fewest run total in the league. The top of the rotation will help them win their share of games but they have little else that inspires this prognosticator.
San Francisco= 5th place 71 wins
Yikes. That’s about all I can say about the 2008 Giants. They got rid of Barry Bonds and the giant headache and cloud over him that he brings wherever he goes.And quicker than you can say “perjury,” you have a gaping hole in the middle of a horrendous lineup. Barry Zito is the most overrated pitcher in baseball and his signing will go down as one of the biggest wastes of money this side of Carl Pavano’s signing with my beloved Yanks. They boast a strong future in the rotation with rising stars Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum by the bay for years to come, but these two are probably a year away from being ace quality. With lineup front liners such as Dave Roberts, Rich Aurilia and ahem... Randy Winn, this team is going nowhere fast. They will struggle to win 70 games.
(we couldn't find any embarassing clips of Michael Kay, so here ya go, MICHAEL and KAY)
White Boy:BHis famous (at least in NY) call of ‘SEEE YA” has come to define his career as the former radio and current television Yankees announcer. His radio show on 1050 can be defined by his difficult job of walking the tightrope between seemingly conflicting roles; as an employee of the Yankees and as an objective viewer and analyst of the local sports teams. To Kay’s credit, he has done a reasonably good job of walking this tight rope as he usually is able to fairly criticize the Yankees when they deserve to be criticized.However, Kay can be downright morally indignant and dogmatic at times. I am still annoyed by his callous and derisive critique of a crying Mets fan immediately following Beltran’s strike out in game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. As someone who is supposed to cater to the sports diehard, Kay should appreciate this fan’s genuine emotional attachment to his favorite team instead of judging someone else’s emotional reaction. Kay is also a terrible and sycophantic interviewer.He will ask someone a question that he knows he won’t answer to make it appear to his audience that he is interrogating his subject. However, the truly good interviewer, like Mike Francessa at 660, will ask questions in a way that invites the interviewer to answer honestly. If this involves getting under the skin and even offending the subject of the interview, then so be it. Kay’s greatest strength however is his ability to incorporate his update man Donny “Pucks” Lagreca and theme song writer Joey Salvia into the program. They are both great personalities who add a tremendous amount to the program. Perhaps Salvia’s finest moment was his touching, if not bizarre rendition of Barry Manilow’s “Mandy.”(Ooohh Andyyyy…) commemorating Pettite’s return to the Bronx after a three year stint with his hometown Astros. Overall it is a solid radio program that sometimes is sullied by the host’s poor interviews and morally righteous protestations.
Devo: DThere’s very little that I’ve ever liked about Michael Kay.I hate his jerkoff name, I hate his jerk-off face, (even on radio) I hate his jerk-off attitude, and I hate him, jerk-off.Seriously, I hate the radio show.And yet, I’m drawn to it like a moth to a flame.I guess I like seeing how bad his show can get.He’s always had a huge ego and everything about his voice makes me want to change the channel.And even worse, way worse, is his Simple Plan-wannabe intro song. (Michael Kay is on the radio today.)On the plus side 1)he does a pretty good job eliciting anecdotes by various Yankee analysts on YES, and 2) he’s not John Sterling.
Max Kellerman
White Boy:CI actually like Kellerman in many ways. He’s much smarter than most of the radio hosts on either station. He roots for the same three teams I root for. He even is a fellow chosen person. (Happy Easter by the way to all you gentiles out there)But he’s incredibly obnoxious.He thinks he’s smarter than he is and acts like he invented sabermetrics. In addition, Brian Kenny adds absolutely nothing to the show because he is a typical ESPN talking head who is better suited for anchoring the 6pm Sports Centers than conversing with Joe New Yorker. Which reminds me, I don’t even listen to these guys that much because Joey B and E-Rob are on 660 at the same time anyway.
Devo: B+ So yeah, I usually choose Joe & Evan over Max too.(Really White Boy?E-Rob?)But the few times that I listen to Max, I’m a fan.I don’t know why, but I’m a fan of Kellerman’s obnoxious attitude.It’s fairly refreshing to see an obnoxious Yankee fan who knows how obnoxious he is, but goes forth with it anyways.And also, I haven’t been a boxing fan by any stretch since Evander Holyfield had two good ears, but it’s always amusing hearing Max talk about boxing history.Not sure why.Oh and yeah, Brian Kenny is definitely a weird choice to be his wingman.
Brandon Tierney:
This isn't BT, but it's still a fantastic Stephen A. clip.
White Boy: A Brandon Tierney (BT) is 1050’s Joe Benningo if Benningo was 30 years younger, much better looking, and had a strong Brooklyn accent. BT knows basketball and baseball as well as any host in New York. He brings the prospective of a former college baseball player to the airwaves and communicates it well with his listeners. His Brooklyn accent and personable style is charming to the late night, mostly blue collar and/or diehard sports fan, audience. He provides a rare and delicate balance of being very opinionated without being dismissive or rude to his callers if their opinions contrast with his. He is realistic enough to not seem naïve about the sports world but isn’t old enough to be obsessed with waxing poetic about how “great” sports like baseball used to be in the old times; you know before Latinos entered the sport and when it was still socially acceptable to hate a player because he was Black. BT, simply put, is the freaking man.And he does a great job on the Knicks pre and post game shows too.
Devo: Inc.Ah, Knicks pregame show: Because they haven’t lost yet!
Since New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, the nations first Hispanic governor, endorsed Obama over the weekend, Hillary Clinton's campaign has been in crisis mode. Many different strategies were debated, but the one they settled on looks like it will work to keep most Hispanics voting with Hildawg.
Look I'm not going to lie and say I haven't come into work hammered or anything of that sorts, but there are some people that do this WHILE supposedly working. No, no, I'm not talking about some sort of client lunch or something remotely necessary. What I'm talking about is closing one's office door and going to town. I'm not going to say I haven't done that at a point and time but usually that's when it's offered and don't have a lot going on. Unfortunately, some people don't realize that and will gladly soak away their life's tears on a random 2:15 pm Tuesday afternoon.
Lunching Lush
Similar to the Company Lush, The LL has at least the right idea. Look if you are going to get hammered, you might as well not do it in your office. Sure it's more expensive but hey at least you aren't going all alcoholic on anyone. The lone negative of course is coming back to office and reaking of booze but hey its not like we've haven't all done that. For the record, that's also why the Lord invented gum, altoids, cologne, perfume or even AXE spray. Good ole Axe
Work From Home
For whatever reason, WFH is able to get away with "working from home". I'm just jealous that I'm not able to pull it but for whatever WFH is able to. I truly don't get it? It's impressive that one gets in that position and it's even more impressive that they can continue rocking out that way. Depending on the person, WFH can actually be somewhat productive or have various reasons for working from home (baby, etc.) than rock on. Otherwise, if you go home and respond to emails 5 hours later and just sign online for no reason and leave you aren't technically working. Major props if you are able to convince the IT/Office Manager guy to be able to transfer your calls to a cellphone. Eh fuck it, I'm jealous.
IT Guy
Yep, the new most important man in the office is the IT guy. Sure enough, he would come from India the land of all important people and sure enough him and his IT goodness can save your network or emails prior to danger will robinson mode. Ok fine, you might have a random white IT guy like Mr. SCHMUCK and all but let's face it 97% of the country has an India employee and 90% of those are IT people. He also sounds like "Bill" from Dell's Customer Service team and Bill was most helpful to me.
Floozy
Every office also has a floozy. You know the token 40 year old woman who still has yet to find the man of her enormous ideals, and has promptly taken on hitting on the younger generation of office. At the first couple happy hours you might even think about it but then she gets mad at you for something work related and realize why she's single. Not to mention at that time, you are likely burnt out anyway without much release of that sexual tension but other than that you got it all!
ADD Designer
Ah yes, the designers. The guys that make the company all this money with their elite programming skills. Unfortunately, a lot of these folk tend to be a bit out there so to speak. Sure the designer prerequisite now are those new "computer" pen things as well as the more futuristic and cool looking mouse pad, an ipod, winter hat, and sweatshirt. Designers tend to also delve into some of life's other earthly pleasures. This creates ample ADD that leads them to occasional zoning out and just generally being out there. The designer also tends to frequent online gaming during office time but hey that's okay. He knows flash or something so he can try out all those cool online games you can play. Don't worry though young office dweller, designers only tend to make about 50% more than you.
MILF
Okay yea so American Pie has crept into my subconscious and overextends itself to the office scene. There are couple of these in the office setting. Sure, they may have kids and all but that doesn't have to mean you don't have to think about them in that way. Me and a coworker that will remain nameless had a conversation about this for about 2 hours. You feel bad for having the discussion, but rock on for being hot, MILF. The young boy in all of is just looking for the Next Stacy's Mom
The Gopher
So we have a gopher at our office that tends to do all the bosses bullshit as well as get the necessities in the office like milk, hot chocolate and tea bags. He's a good guy and all but you understand he probably has the best job in the office. Sure, you may not get paid nearly as well as the younger big shot execs but money isn't all that's cracked up to be. The office gopher can weasel into the office at around 10:00 and than finagle his way out of it around 5:30. Here we are thinking we could show him a thing or two, but he's definitely got his act together.
The Sleeze
You know the weird single 40 year old guy that goes round and round hitting on anything in between the ages of 18 - 45 (coworker's daughters included) yea there's that guy. Sure everyone in the office finds you creepy and disturbing but hey you keep living the dream man. Look i'm not going to say I wouldn't do that either if I were 40+ but at least i'd be funny and not so creepy? For the record, the Sleaze could also be a 40 yr old guy already in a marriage but has suddenly felt a uh twinge in his batting stance. uh yea. awkward.
Sure, it’s tough being a Jew on Christmas, but you know what really sucks?Being a Jew on Easter.It’s kinda like Christmas, but without the Chinese Food and movies.And without the Chinese food and movies, what is a Jewish Christmas?
It’s spending the day trying to do work.It’s going to CVS because you need a minor but necessary item, but CVS is closed so you have to make do without it.Sure, kids are dying in Africa, and for that matter about 20 miles away in Southeast DC, but this white man needs scotch tape from CVS and tomorrow won’t do.
Do you all like the new format? I do. We look more grown-up now I think. So right now, I'm in a three way (McGreevey?) tie for 9th place in the SUS March Madness Tourney. Not bad for a rookie. The bad news is that I have Tennessee in the Final Four and they're only winning their game by 1 point with 4:11 left. More on that later. I remember when I first started watching the NBA playoffs back when the Knicks always used to lose to the Bulls in the Michael Jordan era. One of the analysts (sorry, I don't remember who) used to talk about how the last 2 minutes were the most important part of a (close) playoff game. I've kind of taken that same philosophy with the NCAA tournament. I like to watch the last 5 minutes of the games, because really, I just need to know who wins.
Off of sports for a minute, I saw two great movies this weekend, both taking place in the 70s, both dealing with some corrupt cops and both based on true stories. American Gangster was the first. Yeah, took me long enough right? It was definitely worth the wait though. I loved how Denzel played Frank Lucas. No nonsense bad ass. I don't want to give too much away (for those who like to wait for DVD like me), but there's one part where he kills a man on the street in front of a ton of people. Afterwards, he just goes back to having lunch in a diner like he had to take a business call or something. The other movie I saw was The Bank Job. Jason Statham (The Transporter; The Italian Job; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) is a small time crook who gets involved in a big time bank robbery in London. The job is actually for the English Secret Police so they can get some incriminating photos of Princess Margaret out of a safe deposit box. Scotland Yard, corrupt cops, a porn king, a brothel owner, the government, and a black radical all get involved in one way or another. What's great about this heist film is that it takes place in the 70s, so all of the gadgets and gizmos that crooks use now in movies weren't invented yet. It also has a special place in my heart because it takes place in my old stomping ground from when I studied in London. They even went to our regular pub! Check it out. Another thing that I was reminded of when I watched the two movies is that the clothes from that decade were just awesome. They might have been really uncomfortable and all made of polyester, but they looked freaking awesome.
Tennessee and Butler are about to start overtime! Nice, this should be fun (as long as Tennessee wins).
The Mets played today and lost to the Cardinals. Kevin Burkhardt interviewed Billy Wagner and Jose Reyes, who both expressed that yes, they are ready for Spring Training to be over. A week from Monday my friends!!
The good news is that Tennessee is about to win, the bad news is that Georgetown is about to lose. That's really gonna screw me up...
It's the First Annual Straight Up Sports Fantasy Baseball draft!
The competition this year includes Mahatma, Cawley, myself, BH, Merloni, Epstein, my cousin Jeff, Kozik, White Boy, and SHMUCK, with that being the order of the draft.
Some quick notes about the draft:
-Cawley, god bless her, is a RN at a hospital. But patients and hippocratic oath be damned, she partook in the fantasy draft. If our writing staff showed this type of loyalty to their real job, we'd have about 50 articles per week. Just saying.
-For those who didn't know what team Kozik follows, here were some of his picks: Hafner, Sizemore, Sabathia, (all taken in the first 3 rounds), Ryan Garko, and Jhonny Peralta.
-I've been drafting with SHMUCK and Epstein for years now, and 3 things will always happen in our drafts. SHMUCK will take Kenji Johjima, (13th round) I'll take Manny, (5th round) and Epstein will take his kindred spirit, David Eckstein. (8th round)
-Apparently I'm rooting for the Red Sox this year. I ended up with Manny, Beckett, Lugo, and Ellsbury.
Anyways, for those of you who fashion yourselves as SUS stalkers, we'll post the standings on the side of the website. Good luck to all!
So i peruse the internet a lot. For instance right now as I attempt to find whichever watering hole to go but boy I found me a little something else.
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