I told you so........ So far

I just wanted to say I told you so... at least so far in regards to the 3 big trade deadline deals. The Lakers are soaring and look like the best team in the NBA (all apologies to the great Spurs) while the Mavs and Suns look like they subtracted by addition. The Mavs lost the athleticism of Harris and the presence in the middle of Diop and added an aging breaking down point guard who's best years are behind him. If this move does not at least get Dallas to the NBA finals this season; the trade is a colossal failure. The Suns traded their most athletic and most talented defender for a man who hasn't been a great NBA player in over 3 years and who is notoriously soft on the defensive end. Meanwhile, Kobe and company are laughing it up as they continue to dominate the best Western Conference perhaps in the history of this league. Pau Gasol continues to fly under the radar individually as Kobe and Phil take the brunt of the praise for the team's incredible play. The fact is Gasol is an athletic big man who can shoot and post up inside. He is a perfect ego-less compliment to the best player in the NBA. I know its very early but so far I TOLD YOU SO

If the boobs cant fit, you must acquit

We here at SUS try our best to keep you updated on breaking legal news around the globe. Today, we have the story of Japanese bikini model Serena Kozakura.




Last year Serena goes over to her boyfriends house and stumbles upon him with another lady-friend. Well, not exactly stumbled, as she was locked out of the apartment. So she did what any woman in a similar circumstance would do, she kicked a hole in the door and crawled inside to bitch him out. Well, evidently two people saw her wriggle through the hole and testified against her in court. Girl(woman, shes 38) got 14 MONTHS in jail for that shit. As an aside, thats an insane sentence, waaaaay too harsh. Anyway, she appealed the sentence and her lawyer Johnichiko Cochoransan found the perfect defense: Her boobs are too big(44in!) to fit through the door. And guess what, it worked! Homegirl was set free to giggle her giant funbags on the outside instead of getting them pimped out for coke and cigarettes in Japanese prison. Lets go to the videotape:




Now, I cant understand 99.99% of this video but I do know it doesnt get much better than seeing the reenactment of this incident (bout 3:30 on the vid) and this chick getting the same look on her face that OJ had when he couldnt get that glove on(he tried so hard!) at his trial. That and the camera keeps panning down to her chest during the news conference, obviously for purely news-related purposes. Im just happy to see the justice system in Japan works and crazy bitches like this are still free to kick down doors when the need arises, as long as they have massive hooters.

Props to dlisted.com

The Dream Ticket

Screw a dream ticket of Obama/Hilary. (which, regardless of who's on top is an awful pairing, but that's an argument for a political blog) Why limit ourselves to your standard politicians? After Kevin Johnson announced that he's running for mayor of Sacramento, why not a Barkley/KJ ticket in '16? Sure their detractors would say that they can't seal the deal, as evidenced by their loss to Jordan's Bulls in the NBA finals, but what's more intimidating than two men who are probably a combined 13 feet tall? Sheeeeiiiiiittt, China aint got nothing on us. And to those of you who want to legalize gambling, you think Chuck's going to stand in the way of that? Any anti-gambling bills will feel the wrath of that mans veto stamp.

And while we're at it, why not Thunder Dan Majerle for Secretary of State?

Wuss of the week

I post something about basketball maybe once every time I see Cameron Diaz in the street. So that would be once. Anyway, I don't know who our tough guy here is nor do I really care at the moment. I mean sure we all have our share of pictures where we aren't looking the best but this is ridiculous. He looks like he just got that new Barbie doll he always wanted as if Santa brought it to him on Xmas. Good luck being this guy's PR agent and trying to maintain that "athlete" image.

I Had No Idea You Guys Could Read: A SUS Book Review of The GM

First things first. Book reviews aren’t going to be a common occurrence here on SUS. But The GM fits into the SUS theme, whatever the hell that is. This book spends about 3/5 of the time talking about Accorsi’s last season as Giants GM in ’06, 1/5 of the book talking about Accorsi’s early years and 1/5 of the book talking about Accorsi’s previous front office jobs. I consciously stayed away from this book for a while because frankly, I hated the ’06 Giants. Me and my Giants entourage (my dad, White Boy) were convinced that Accorsi mortgaged the future of the franchise to draft Fredo Manning. A Super Bowl victory later, I’m ready to read about the GM who drafted Elijah “The Prophet” Manning.

So this book was awesome. I read the entire book while in Barnes and Noble one afternoon, a feat which I accomplished once before with Michael Lewis’ The Blind Side. Ok, I didn’t read all of it; I started reading every chapter, but after a while I stuck with the chapters about this year’s Giants. And Accorsi was amazingly candid in talking about the Giants players, coaches, and organization. He also revealed a lot of things that would surprise most Giants fans. Here are some anecdotes:

-As of the morning of the 2004 draft, the Giants weren't talking to San Diego about swapping picks. The Giants were set to trade down with Cleveland to the #7 pick. My guess is that Cleveland would’ve picked Rivers and the Giants would’ve taken Big Ben. Only when the Giants were on the clock did San Diego call and talk about swapping picks.

-Apparently the day after the draft, Kerry Collins stormed into Accorsi’s office demanding a trade. I only hope that this was similar to Major League, with Rick Vaughn’s entrance into Lou Brown’s office after Vaughn thought he was cut. “You aint seen the last of me Mr. Accorsi. Next time I play against you, I’m going to STICK IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!”

-Back in 1991 when Parcells quit, Coughlin, the wide receivers coach was offered the head coaching job. For the record, the job also could’ve gone to Belichek, but he went to Cleveland before Parcells quit. More on Parcells below.

-There’s a chapter discussing Accorsi going to Ada, Oklahoma to meet with Shockey before the ’02 draft. It was a cool chapter but what stuck out to me was the U’s championship roster: Shockey, Ed Reed, Bryant McKinnie, Philip Buchanon, Mike Rumph, and Clinton Portis. That’s practically the entire first round of the '02 draft. And both Shockey and Accorsi thought that all but Rumph would be good pros. They were right.

-In 1997 the Giants were about 5 minutes away from hiring Parcells over Fassel. Both owners needed to sign off on any head coach. Mara wanted to bring Parcells back, but Tisch didn’t want to do it. As George Young was going to Fassel’s hotel room to offer him the job, Tisch changed his mind and said that they should go ahead and offer the job to Parcells. So they called Fassel’s room and spoke to George Young. They asked Young if he had offered Fassel the job yet. If he said no, they would’ve told him to abort. But Young had offered Fassel the job, and Tisch and Mara had too much class to rescind the offer, so Fassel it was. For the record, George Young said he would’ve quit if they hired Parcells. And it’s funny, as great as Parcells is, as much as he would’ve improved the franchise in the late 90’s, I have more respect for the Giants organization for never bringing him back. It’s kinda like turning down a date with a hot but needy ex-girlfriend: sure, she’s everything you want in a woman, but she really screwed you over in the past and it’s fun to give it back to her. Apparently Parcells has inquired about the Giants vacancies every time they've switched coaches.

-When did I know that I truly loved this book? When Accorsi said that he was furious with Coughlin for his moves in the Bears game and the Titans games last year. Accorsi immediately knew that calling a time out at the end of the 1st half when the Bears had 3rd and 22 was a mistake. A Thomas Jones screen pass and Devin Hester kickoff return later, he proved to be right. He was also blown away that Coughlin kept passing up 17 to the Titans in the 4th quarter. Good to see that our GM hated Coughlin as much as I did last year.

-Lastly, there's a touching scene the day after the playoff loss to the Eagles when Accorsi, his GM duties done, is addressing each player individually. Very poignant. He addressed all the players, and eventually got to Tim Carter, saying "you'll reach your potential some day," before moving on to another guy. 3 players later, Tim Carter said, "Damn you're quitting?" to which an unknown player said "where you been, you dumb motherfucker." Never has a player exemplified his 60 awareness rating in Madden like Tim Carter. Here's to you, Tim Carter, Most. Overrated. Madden Receiver. Ever.

Random Online Crap

So this is kind of hot. This chick gives you 21 accents in a matter of minutes. She starts with British (HOT!) , works her was across Europe towards Australia, then hits the U.S. She’s a modern day explorer in the same vein as Magellan, Columbus and others. You gotta imagine it though. Say you are a man or woman who doesn’t discriminate against accents. Wouldn’t our girl here be like the Lebron James of pickups. At least if I dated this girl, she could pretend to be from some other place. By all intents and purposes, she’s probably from Jersey or something (hi yo!) but still this is a wonderful talent now available for the whole world to see. For the record, the role playing potential is through the roof.

SUS discusses NY talking heads II: The Yankees

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THE BIG FREAKING PACKAGE MOCK DRAFT (cont)

21. WASHINGTON REDSKINS – EARLY DOUCET (WR, LSU)
For once, Dan Synder and company are quiet during free agency. Eventually always being over the cap takes its toll. Jason Campbell has shown he can lead this team to the playoffs if he gets the help around him. What a waste Brandon Lloyd was. Chris Cooley and Clinton Portis seemed were the most consistent receiving options. That’s not good.

22. DALLAS COWBOYS – JONATHAN STEWART (RB, OREGON)
Julius Jones never factored too much. He was small and elusive but had a hard time finding the hole towards the end of his stay in Dallas. Marion Barber is the better back and shows it (especially on my fantasy team). They need a fast change of pack back to relieve Barber from time to time and throw off the defense. Stewart can be that guy and he can also play a part in the kick return game.

23. PITTSBURGH STEELERS – BRANDON ALBERT (G, VIRGINIA)
With Alan Faneca departing to my beloved Jets, a huge hole is left along the steelers o-line. Albert is a solid flexible replacement as he’s capable of both guard positions as well as tackle.

24. TENNESSEE TITANS – PHILIP MERLING (DE, CLEMSON)
Philip would be a good fit opposite Vandenbosch. He’s got good size and quickness around the edge to help better an already good pass rush. Receiver is more pressing to help take pressure off Vince Young but Merling is the best available player left.

25. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – GOSDIER CHERILUS (OT, BOSTON COLLEGE)
Seattle has always been known for having a great running game. But since the departure of Hutchinson to the Vikings they haven’t rekindled that success. Walter Jones is simply the best LT in all of football. Cherilus would flourish learning from one of the greats playing opposite him.

26. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS – QUENTIN GROVES (DE/OLB, AUBURN)
A lot of people assumed that it was the Jaguars who were going to end the Patriots winning streak. But they couldn’t bring a consistent pass rush like the Giants could. Quentin Groves is fast and athletic. He ran a 4.5 40, the fastest of all D lineman and would provide a great upgrade to their line. Kentwan Balmer is also a possible replacement to fill the hole at DT left by Marcus Stroud.

27. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS – KENTWAN BALMER (DT, NORTH CAROLINA)
Balmer is a beast at 6’5 and 315lbs. He’s also versatile and can play both tackle and end. He would be a great fit for their 3-4 defense. Chargers are in need of an OT but clearly all the projected 1st rounders is taken. This would be a safe pick here, not entirely a need but certainly safe.

28. DALLAS COWBOYS – JUSTIN KING (CB, PENN STATE)
Justing King is a reach here coming off an injury plagued junior season. Although he had a great combine, scouts expect him to be a last 2nd round projection at best. Signing Flozell Adams back means good news for Tony Romo. My overall assumption like everyone else’s is that Dallas will trade up for McFadden. But right now the teams most interested in drafting him are the Oakland Raiders or the New York Jets.

29. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS – JAMES HARDY (WR, INDIANA)
San Fran needs a reliable receiver to take pressure off Vernon Davis, Frank Gore and Alex Smith. James doesn’t posses great speed but certainly has great size and strength to fight balls away from defenders, similar to Keyshawn Johnson. OT is just as pressing of a need but will have to be addressed in later rounds.

30. GREEN BAY PACKERS – TRACY PORTER (CB, INDIANA)
Green Bay needs to get younger at cornerback and help find someone to play nickel. Charles Woodson had a great turn around for his career this past season. Al Harris is still consistent but not as great as he once was. Tracy might be a shot in the dark this early but Green Bay needs to build off an amazing season last year and that should start with filling holes in the defense

31.

32. NEW YORK GIANTS – KEITH RIVERS (OLB, USC)
After winning the superbowl the most important thing is keep the players who helped get you there. Gibril Wilson will surely be missed but Sammy Knight is a decent replacement. KENNY PHILIPS is a possibility here. He can switch between both free safety positions. But Keith Rivers is a solid tackler and would benefit the Giants the most.

BRETT FAVRE RETIRES!

And on behalf of every non-Packer fan and Aaron Rodgers, let me just say THANK GOD. Funeral services for Favre's career will take place on Friday, 9am at the residence of John & Sharon Madden.

This just in: ESPN doesn't know what they're doing!

John Clayton's discussion of winners and losers is retarted. He spent hundreds of words doing what I can sum up in less than 10: Winners: teams that signed players. Losers: teams that didn't. So good job Oakland, you got Gibril Wilson, a good-but-nowhere-near-great safety for 6 million. And good job Buffalo, you paid a bunch for Kawika Mitchell's hair. And props to you, Parcells, you signed our 4th linebacker, Reggie Torbor. I have absolutely no complaints about Reese's offseason. I would've loved to have kept this team together for a run next year, but not at the risk of giving these guys Allan Houston/Vince Carter-esque contracts. Extend Jacobs, renegotiate Plax's deal, avoid giving Nate Clements type salaries to guys with Nate Clements' skills, find the right pieces to fill the void of the departed, and lets defend this bitch.

THE BIG FREAKING PACKAGE MOCK DRAFT (cont)

10. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – DOMINIQUE CROMARTIE (CB, TENN ST.)
I really don’t know what the Saints are going to do with this pick. My first guess would be linebacker but like I said before, very weak. I would figure defensive tackle but with Ellis and Dorsey off the board then anyone else would be a reach. Jason David is obviously no better than a nickelback and is a waste of cap space. New Orleans needs a #1 corner as bad as Mike McKenzie needs a haircut.

11. BUFFALO BILLS – DESEAN JACKSON (WR, CALIFORNIA)
The Bills lack a #1 WR. Lee Evans is more of a deep threat than a possession receiver. Buffalo has not been able to fill that void since the departure of Eric Moulds. Desean might not be a possession receiver but in my mind he’s the best and fastest one in this draft.

12. DENVER BRONCOS – RYAN CLADY (OT, BOISE STATE)
Clearly Ryan is the 2nd best tackle prospect in the draft behind Jake Long. Denver has many other needs but they should be so lucky that Clady fell this far to them. Derrick Harvey is a possibility too. He’d join Florida teammate Jarvis Moss on the Dline who was selected by Denver with their 1st round pick last year.

13. CAROLINA PANTHERS – JEFF OTAH (OT, PITTSBURGH)
Every year someone picks this team to make it to the superbowl and every year they get worse and worse. Well consider this John Fox’s last season if this team doesn’t make the post-season. With Jake Delhomme coming back, the offense should be more productive. Mushin Muhammad should help take some double team away from Steve Smith while Dwayne Jarrett is still improving. Protecting the quarterback is vital and the tackle position is most important.

14. CHICAGO BEARS – LIMAS SWEED (WR, TEXAS)
Frankly, this team has no idea what it’s doing. Their offense is despicable and they rely heavily on their defense to win games. Both Muhammad and Berrian are now long gone leaving Devin Hester, the sole offense for that team. Cedric Benson is becoming a bust and they could definitely lean towards another running back but unless they make an attempt to sign Randy Moss, they must draft for potential overthrown passing targets for Rexxxy.

15. DETROIT LIONS – CHRIS WILLIAMS (OT, VANDERBILT)
If the Lions want to accomplish a 10 win season then they must start playing a big role in free agency and draft extremely well but so far, not so good. They are weak at the tackle positions having recently lost Damien Woody to the New York Jets. They also traded Shaun Rogers and didn’t resign Boss Bailey back, 2 big names on that defense now gone and they have yet to replace. Seriously how is Matt Millen still working in the NFL?

16. ARIZONA CARDINALS – LEODIS MCKELVIN (CB, TROY)
Cardinals need help at cornerback opposite Antrel Rolle. McKelvin would be a steal here considering most analysts expect his to be a top 10 pick or at least the first CB selected in the draft. Runs a 4.38 40 and has good recovery speed. He could be the most ready NFL secondary player in the draft.

17. MINNESOTA VIKINGS – DERRICK HARVEY (DE, FLORIDA)
So it seems that the Vikings are in need for a DE or a WR? Who knew! Since Moss’ departure they have never found a valuable replacement. And the defense, although stout against the run (especially up the middle) can’t generate a consistent pass rush to save their lives. Derrick Harvey is a nice upgrade who provides strength and size to matchup against opposing tackles.

18. HOUSTON TEXANS – RASHARD MENDENHALL (RB, ILLINOIS)
Ahman Green is not getting any younger and last season he was hampered with injuries. Cornerback might be the most pressing need but if Rashard is available he’s too tempting to pass up. He’d be a nice combo to go with Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson

19. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES – DEVIN THOMAS (WR, MICHIGAN)
The release of Javon Kearse puts DE at a top priority this offseason. But with the elite already taken so far, they must move to the next pressing need and that is finding a WR. I don’t think they’ll ever find a #1 WR like Owens. But Thomas is a big target and has good hands. Maybe then McNabb will start blaming himself instead of others around him. Eat your chunky fag

20. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS - MARIO MANNINGHAM (WR, MICHIGAN)
Jon Gruden needs to start looking towards the future and getting younger on the defense. But he also needs to find a suitable #2 WR behind Joey Galloway. Even at 35 Galloway is one of the top 10 WR’s in the league. Michael Clayton is a bust and probably won’t be on the team much longer.

G's Up Ho's Down-Devo Weekend Edition

I've done a lot over the last weekend two. Ironically enough, very little of it has involved other people. Such is my life right now. Oh well, they can't all be winners. So without further ado:

G'S UP!(mostly) Rescue Me I wanted to begin watching a tv show, and this barely won out over Arrested Development at the local blockbuster. Over the last few weeks, I've watched the first season. It reminds me of a poor man's Wire, which happens when you're on FX instead of HBO. On the positive side, it's got Dennis Leary, the dude who played Reggie Jackson in Bronx is Burning (who oddly enough, looks a lot like Tony Gonzalez), and does a damn good job of mixing dark comedy with legitimate issues, Sopranos style. It also has a fairly real (see: bleak, dark) feel to it in how it deals with life as a post 9/11 firefighter. On the negative side, it suffers from what I like to call Boston Public Syndrome-every crisis that happens across the country in the occupation happens over the course of the first season to this specific group of people. And each episode ends with a montage cued up to Scrubs-esque emo. But still, a very good show.

G'S UP! TV in general. There's a lot of shitty tv these days, with reality tv and what not. But thanks to HBO and more specifically the Sopranos, we have been living in a golden age over the last few years. Frankly, in an era when reality tv shows are dumbing down society, there's lots of television that is just smart, good tv. This includes everything on HBO (Sopranos, The Wire, Band of Brothers) to FX shows (Rescue Me, The Shield) to even some comedies (Arrested Development, The Office, 30 Rock). Here's to you, TV.

HO'S DOWN. The Assassination of Jesse James. This may or may not have been a good movie. But 40 minutes into the flick, I remembered that I hate Westerns.

G'S UP. Be Kind Rewind. A quirkly flick, but very funny. When Jack Black isn't playing a Mexican wrestler, I'm usually a fan. This movie was no exception. Kinda odd seeing Danny Glover without Mel Gibson. Also kinda odd seeing Mos Def play a clumsy dude. White people love Mos Def.

HO'S DOWN. Saturday Night Live. Ok writers. You've had like 4 months off, and let's not pretend that you spent that entire time at your local union hall devising strategy. NFW you weren't writing jokes over the course of those four months. By that logic, every show should be producing some of its best material. And most of these shows (see: Show, The Daily) are producing top rate material. And yet, SNL was simply decent. (Note: I only saw up to Weekend Update. Nothing good has come on SNL post weekend update in 6 years.) And the best part? The topical debate stuff. Other than that, it was same ol' same ol'. Oh, and nice of Hilary Clinton to make an appearance. My campaign has a first name, it's D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E.

HO'S DOWN. GQ & Esquire. Angry White Man will have more to say about this later in the week.

G'S UP. The GM. A reporter followed Ernie Accorsi around throughout last season, his final as Giants GM. This book was outstanding and will receive its own column later this week. As an aside, I told my dad about this book and his first words were basically that Accorsi ruined this team. Upon reminding him of a certain February victory, he responded that Reese built this team, to which I responded that a certain white dude drafted Eli. In his defense, I too am having trouble adapting to a world where I have no reason to criticize the Giants. Ah, if only I were a 3 week old kid, never having witnessed a Giants Super Bowl.

Jets Sign Alan Faneca

Now, as we all know (if your read my profile at least) I am from Pittsburgh, so I dont comment a whole lot on New York football teams sans rubbing a Super Bowl 42 win in a Pats "fan's" face. But something I can comment on is when one of them, in this case the Jets, signs an ex-Steeler to their roster in the way of 4 years $32 million for Alan Faneca. This can be summed up with one simple picture:

The fact that Faneca has made the last two pro bowls is an utter joke. This guy was such a liability on the line last year it wasnt funny. Most plays he was standing looking for someone to block, not realizing the guy he was supposed to pick up went past him five seconds ago and is in the midst of tackling Roethlisberger. Paired with Sean Mahan who fell down after he hiked the ball it was like there was no offensive line and Ben was scrambling for his life half the time.

Well Jets fan, if you want to see your QB getting knocked on his ass or running around the back field, Alan Faneca will be happy to oblige that. Frankly, he isnt worth half his contract and you will soon find out why. If you don't believe me, Mahatma can back me up on this (disclaimer: getting Mahatma started on a Steelers offensive line rant is both time consuming and vitriol, do not have your children present). Enjoy.

SUS discusses NY talking heads Part I: The Knicks Guys

Something that we've talked about doing for a while now is discussing the NY sports talking heads. We discussed the WFAN guys on our old site, but we'll probably throw snippets of that in from time to time. In the meantime, in this sports wasteland of post-Superbowl pre-NCAA tourney, we'll be bringing you some of our thoughts on the local media, starting with the Knicks guys.

Mike Breen
White Boy A+
By far the best basketball announcer who is not named Marve Albert. I used to get chills every time he did his patented “BANG!” call when a player hits a huge three pointers or otherwise dramatic jump shop. Sadly, the Knicks have not had any of these awe inspiring moments in, ohhhhh, about eight years. Still, Breeney is one of the few announcers that is enough of drawing card on his own accord to get me to watch a game. His dulcet tones and knowledge of the game make him a future hall of fame broadcaster.Publish Post

Devo
I’m not going to be grading any of these guys. I do like Breene though. Was very good on Imus, which might have literally taken place when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark. White Boy says they haven’t had any inspiring moments in 8 years. Ironically enough, that was probably the last time I left a Knicks game on for more than 2 minutes, so I’m probably a bad guy to ask here.

Walt Clyde Frazier
White Boy B
Clyde has emotional salience with almost any Knickerbockers’ fan. He is the franchise’s greatest player and has charmed a new generation with his idiosyncratic rhyming and unique voice. Clyde has “dished” and “swished” the Generation Ewing Knicks fans for well over a decade. However, his in game analysis and ability to convey his basketball acumen to the hardcore basketball fan does leave something to be desired. As fun as it is to hear him say “serendipity for the Knicks” each time they score; he rarely injects any analytic pearls of wisdom into the broadcast. Still, he is beloved by Knicks fans of all ages and we look forward to listening to him for the next meaningful Knicks game….. November 1^st 2010, day 1 of the Lebron era…..

Devo
Always been a fan Frazier’s swishing and dishing. Of course, Stephon Marbury swishes and dishes about once every four weeks or so, you really don’t get to hear Frazier say it too much. Also, worth noting, if you ever get a chance, check out Frazier’s wardrobe from when he was a player, (above) which truly made him a player on multiple levels.