Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Brooklyn Hillbilly Doesnt Give a Damn About Your Problems: The Week 15 Picks

Obligatory Carmella DeCesare Garcia pic.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta(-3, 44.5)
Man, this should be a good one. Too bad I cant watch it because God forbid that the Jets have any competition in the 1pm time slot. I mean, what would happen if there was a game on against the Jets? There might be more people watching football!!! How BARBARIC!!! Look, the TV rules for the NFL have gotten out of control and are hopelessly outdated. In modern America, where people move around and the average person lives in 5 different major cities in their lifetime(look it up! or dont...), the idea that everyone in a given city is a fan of the local team is just retarded. There is no rational reason that there shouldnt be 2 games on CBS and 2 games on Fox every Sunday. But no, Don Goddell and the rest of the NFL capos wont let that happen because it might affect the new extortion-ahem!-revenue stream called Sunday Ticket. It isnt enough that we have to suffer through approximately 52 minutes of John Cougar Mellencamp and hypnotic Toyota commercials per hour, but we either have to pay $300 and get a goddamn satellite dish or go to a bar with our friends and spend $100/week on drinks. WOW. I never thought of it like that to be honest. Mahatma, Brooklyn Yinzer and Iowa are driving me into bankruptcy. One of us is getting a dish next year fellas.

Can't wait for this next season.

Ok, rant over. FUCK THE NFL. Ok, rant over for real this time. This really should be a good one, even if both teams did drop deuces on the field last week. I still think either one of these teams could cause some trouble in the playoffs. Neither will win the Super Bowl, but stranger things have happened than the best team in the league being beaten by a 5-6 seed because their best reciever shot himself in the leg at a club. When? I dunno, but Im sure its happened. Anyway, Im sure that Matt Ryan will not fail to make this an entertaining game. Look, anyone with a brain hates BC, but even I gotta give Smatty props. And facing him is one of my favorites, Jeff Garcia, the most consistently underrated QB of the last few years. The guy just wins. And then loses, but still, I like him and it gives me a chance to show a picture of his hot wife(below). Anyway, time for a pick. I could give you numbers on this about Tampas D or how Michael Turner needs to come through for me so I can kick SCHMUCKs ass and advance to the fantasy Super Bowl. But I wont, I will merely let you know that Tampa is 2-3 ATS as a road underdog and Hotlanta is 2-1 as a home favorite. And that is enough for a simple man like me. On to the important game. Falcons win 27-21.

Hey, The Man finally got OJ, you're next Ray.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore(-2.5, 34)
Well, here it is, the 7th and second consecutive "biggest game of the year" for the Steelers. And like, all the others, this one looks like a loser for the Steelers. Its hard to get real excited for the Steelers chances after watching this offense for 13 games. Horrendous play-calling, sloppy execution, sub-par line play and frequent and unforgivable cases of the dropsies have destroyed any confidence I had in this offense. Last week, in what was arguably one of the worst first halfs of football(for both teams) the offense failed to score more than 3 points off 4 turnovers. Frankly, the Steelers shouldve won that game in the first quarter and end up winning by 3 touchdowns. Instead, the offense did not wake up until the final nails were being driven into the Steelers coffin. Sad

But we are not here to talk about past inadequacies, just the ones that will be exposed this Sunday by the SECOND best defense in the NFL. Yes, the Ravens are second best. But somehow, I think they will come out of this game with better defensive stats than the vaunted Steeler D. Why? Because of the offenses, duh. Joe Flacco is getting a lot of great press. Good for him, its nice to get positive feedback as a new worker. But hes gonna have a rough time Sunday, as he will spend a good chunk of his day cleaning sod out of his facemask. The real heroes for the Ravens this Sunday will be the running backs Willis, Le'Ron and Ray-Ray. I was thoroughly impressed with Le'Ron McClain in the first Steeler/Baltimore matchup this year. Not gaudy numbers, but gritty runs that nearly broke the Steelers backs. Im honestly a little scared what he and his boys are gonna do tomorrow. In what will be a closely fought contest, Baltimore getting 100yds on the ground could spell disaster for the Steelers. And sadly, I think thats whats gonna happen. Flacco will flop; Ben will be adequate; Parker and Moore will not get the job done and the Ravens will, barely. Baltimore does something right for once and wins a disgusting game 14-13.

A guy can hope...

You get by with a Little Help from your Friend at SUS: Giant's % chance of securing 1st round bye this weekend revealed!!! I think?

But for any of you who need help figuring out how likely any scenario is and/or don't remember how to calculate probabilities (you add or combinations and multiply and combinations) here is my Giants playoff scenario crib sheet.

Giants clinch 1st round bye with (percentages based on gambling odds for each game {big on}

(1) Win- Chances of this happening 47%

OR ANY 1 OF THE following three things happen

(2) Minnesota Loss or tie AND Atlanta Loss or Tie- chances of this happening

(a) Minnesota Loss-53 % X (b) Atlanta Loss- 47%= 25%

(3) Minnesota Loss or tie AND Carolina Win or tie

(a) Minnesota Loss- 53% X (b) Carolina win- 55%= 29%

(4) Minnesota-Arizona tie game- 0.5%?

So here is the formula as I, a non-certified Math tutor and psychology doctoral student, ( a field that only uses math when it absolutely has to) sees it.

Giants chance of winning + most likely of other three scenarios

Therefore, Giants chance of clinching bye this weekend is 47% (own chance of winning ) + 29% (most likely of other three scenarios). SO THE GIANTS HAVE A 76% CHANCE OF CLINCHING A BYE THIS WEEKEND! sweeeeeeeeeeeet

Hateful and scathing comments from MIT and Cal Tech students/alumni encouraged:)

Friday, December 12, 2008

Yinzer's Periodic Hockey Post

It is time once more for The Yinzer’s periodic update. I say periodic because, like every man, I avoid commitment. In this case, any definitive length of time to have a hockey update as I do like other sports (read as: football). So here are some things that have been happening in the hockey world of late.

Avery Suspended
As we all know, uberdouche and Devo’s all time favorite player Sean Avery has been suspended for his sloppy seconds comment. Now, in general I agree with a suspension. It’s a lewd comment from a guy who, as a hockey player, the league likes to play up as nice guys. Now, hockey players do tend to be nice guys off ice, though often rabid, insult toting dicks on ice. But they care more about the off ice image cause it’s played up as a family attraction, hence the suspension. But 6 games? They said it was because he premeditated it, which he obviously did. But let’s not kid ourselves: he got five more games because he’s Sean Avery and everyone hates him. Which, in the past week, includes his own team who have said to the media (anonymously) they hope the suspension is definite, or he gets exiles to Europe and other such comments that boil down to “get him away from us.” Hell, now there is even talk that Stars co-GM Brett Hull, who convinced the owner to sign Avery, may be on the outs because of it. It’s a quarter of the way through the season and already he’s worn out his welcome. That’s pretty bad.

The Shitty Lemieux (Claude) attempts a comeback
You know, when Claude Lemieux, disgrace to the last name of hockey god Mario Lemieux, left the league, people were happy. Finally a cheap shotting douche that rivaled that of Tie Domi was gone, and the NHL was a better place. But now at 43 he’s trying t come back. The Sharks signed him to a tryout on the AHL farm team, making this the second time in three years they’ve given a final chance to a major douchebag the league would be better without (Jeremy Roenick being the other). Seriously, this man has never brought anything to hockey other than an intent to injure. Tough as hell, yes, but he cares more for injuring others than actually playing. The league is faster than when he last played and because of his age he will be slower, meaning to compensate he’s going to be even cheaper. Nothing good can come from this man being back.

All Star Balloting is so messed up
You know how I said all the Montreal fans were stuffing ballots to get their guys in as starters? Well, Pens fans, apparently pissy their guys weren’t getting those spots, decided to do the same, propelling Crosby and Malkin to the leading vote getters in the league. Also receiving major pushes are Gonchar, Whitney and Fleury. Gonchar and Whitney haven’t played a game this year, and Fleury has been hurt for a month. It’s just such shit when crap like this happens. And Ryan Whitney? Really? This guy hasn’t played anything near an all star level at any point in his NHL career. I’d say get rid of fan voting, but the problem is all the guys I mentioned? The NHL put them on the ballot. So really, there is no one who would be able to make a legit list or roster because they're all idiots.

Barry Melrose gives some parting shots
Now I’m not fan of Melrose, and we all knew he was going to get fired sooner rather than later, but I have to give him some credit for speaking his mind about the Tampa owners. Basically the rumors of owner meddling was true. Or at least by one. Melrose spoke highly of the one owner, but refused to mention the others name, so we all know what he was getting at. And being bitter, also said he wouldn’t deny he hopes Tampa does bad. Which they are. In fact, they're actually doing worse then when he was there, with only a single win since. Though I kind of applaud him for telling the truth, when he said he hopes they do bad, he didn’t really make any exceptions like “I liked the players” so that’s kind of a dick move there. Still, nice to see some personality in hockey. And now the Lightning are looking to get out of paying Melrose the remainder of his contract because of what he said.

If you needed further proof Scott Harntell is a douche, or even just a moron…

Two Players, Two Hattricks
If you weren’t privy to the Pens-Isles game on Thursday, you didn’t bear witness to a televised rape. The Pens won 9-2 against their Atlantic Division foes (I consider the entire Atlantic Division to be rivals for the record). Career third liner Pascal Dupuis got his first career hat trick, as did long time scoring forward Petr Sykora. Sykora had thirty eight two goal games yet no hattie, which is pretty amazing for a perennial 25+ goal scorer. And in rabid celebration, jumped into the man who set up his final goal Sidney Crosby, and seemingly made out with him (as you can see in the pic below or ten seconds into the video). Listen I’m happy for you Petr, and I like Crosby too, but keep it off the ice huh?

The Hurricanes Suck
After relentlessly beating on the Flyers for two periods, the Hurricanes (or, as my brother the Brooklyn Yinzer refers to them, the Humidity) decided to prove their suckitude by giving up four unanswered goals, then proceeding to lose in the shootout to the Flyers. Way to choke jackasses!

Reminder: Winter Classic at Wrigley Field, New Years Day
Last year featured the Penguins vs Sabres, with the NHL’s wet dream come true: 70,000 plus fans cheering on hockey in a snow storm with poster boy Sidney Crosby winning in the shootout. This year will feature two original six teams in the Blackhawks and Red Wings. So as you sit trapped on your couch moving like a sloth trying to recover from alcohol poisoning, tune in.


Have a nice weekend!

Fredo picks, week 15!

The records:
Devo: 27-17
Mahatma: 26-18
BH: 21-19

Green Bay (-1.5) at Jacksonville

: For the love of Allah, Jacksonville needs to improve their team next year, if only because we at Fredo picks can't think of 3, let alone 16 things to say about Jacksonville positive or negative. Pick: Green Bay
: Allah hates Jacksonville. He probably hates Green Bay too but he totally hates Jacksonville more. Pick: Green Bay
: I too am out of things to say. Jacksonville bad. Pick: Green Bay

Detroit (+17) at Indianapolis

: Say what you want about the Detroit bailout, but at least they have an industry. Pick: Detroit.
: How many different ways can we say Detroit is terrible?It's most famous son is still Kidrock. Pick: Indianapolis
: Isnt that the point of the bailout, there is no industry left? The whole state is falling apart. Pick: Indy

San Francisco (+7) at Miami

: In a battle of the two gayest cities, let's give this game to the team whose state hasn't voted to shun gay marriage. Pick: Miami
: Miami has night clubs, hot women and Dexter. San Fran has Rice-a-Roni! Pick: Miami
: Dude, fog vs. sunshine. No contest. Pick: Miami

Seattle (-3) at St. Louis

: I mean, yeah, Seattle has Pearl Jam, but Nelly's voice is REALLY contagious. Pick: St. Louis
: Nelly's got nothing on Eddie Vedder so country grammer the fuck on outta herre! Pick: Seattle
: Nelly grew up across the river in a town that makes St. Louis look nice. Im not sure how many people understand how sad that is. Pick: Seattle

San Diego (-5) at Kansas City

Devo: It's cold out here in suburban New Jersey. Not so in a whale's vagina. Pick: San Diego
: San Diego apparently is fun. Kansas City has a bunch of fat people wearing red all year round. Pick: San Diego
: I could make a joke here about the relative temperature of Devos mom's vagina but I wont. Ill just let you readers make it yourselves. Pick: San Diego

Mahatma Does Football (18-11)

I love Tony Romo. If choking was the in thing, he would be the trend setter although Carson Palmer is right there with him. Truth be told, I have no beef with the guy other than he's with Jessica Simpson and I am not but if he keeps turning the ball over like he did on Sunday, he'll be my favorite player in the league. Anyway that's the only reason I won last week so booyah.

Denver Broncos (+7.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Denver blows. They are the worst run defense in the league and Cutler isn't GAWD. I see somewhat high scoring affair with Carolina running the crap out of Denver in the second half. Entirely similar to this past Monday night game although with the short week, Denver has a shot. Carolina got Antonio Bryant'd and now must face Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal. Lucky for them, the Broncos are starting Tatum Bell. Hopefully he doesn't steal some more luggage in Carolina. As long as he leaves my two girls alone, I'm cool.

Carolina - 35
Denver - 24

Tennessee Titans (-3.5) @ Houston Texans

This could actually be a game. The Texicans have been tremendous over the last couple of weeks and are poised to take the next step next season. Of course, I said the same thing last season but injuries and antics from Sage Rosenfelds took some wins away. Alas, They have played much better and will look to bring it against the Flaming Thumbtacks.

The Tacks are still dominating in unimpressive fashion. I was watching a bit of their game last week and my god are they boring but hey they are effective. Kerry Collins has yet to have a meltdown but you know now would be a good time as any. I also think the Texans can exploit a secondary that really hasn't been tested yet.


Houston Texans - 28
Tennessee Titans - 23

Is the World Going Crazy? Devo returns to .500 with a Week 15 pick (14-14)

I'm not saying there's a reason I run this here website, but let's just say I put the '2' in the 2-6 Week 14 pick record.

CINCINNATI (+7) over Washington

You know what fool I pity? Cincinnati. They are awful against the AFC, going a fangasmic 1-9, but have given the NFC East fits, despite their 0-2-1 record against the best division in football. They took the Giants to OT, came back from 16 down against the Cowgirls, and tied the Eagles. So in theory they should be able to hold their own against Washington, right? After all, the game is in Ohio and Washington is on a path towards mediocrity. I don't think the Bungles win this game, but I don't see the Skins having the firepower to blow anyone out at this point in their season. The Bungles give their 4th noble effort against the Skins. Unfortunately this isn't hockey, and there's no extra category for noble losses.

Washington: 21
Cincy: 17

Thursday, December 11, 2008



We all know by now, the Saints do not play well on the road (they’re 1-5 so far this season). But if they want any chance at a wildcard spot they’re going to have to be perfect tonight at Soldier Field. They responded hugely last week upsetting their division rival the Atlanta Falcons 29-25. But with the short rest this week I don’t like their chances. Bears can play defense, in fact, that’s about all they can play. Kyle Orton is playing hurt and I can’t name any of their wide receivers (nor do I care) but Matt Forte has been a big surprise and should be a top finalist for rookie of the year. Other than that, they are still the same old, hard-nosed, physical, defense first Bears.
I like the Bears at home and for Forte to run, catch all over the weak Saints defense. I love Drew Brees but he won’t save his team this week

Bears 27, Saints 20


Remember for like the first 7 weeks when the Bills were in the driver’s seat of the AFC East? Well then they played the Jets and it all went downhill from there. Do you remember when the Jets were in the driving seat as well? Well as short lived as it was, does that mean the Jets are going to go downhill from here too? Well, I sure as hell hope not but it’s starting to look like it. Jets control their own destiny and the possible 3rd seed in the playoffs if they win out for the rest of the season. Before the Denver game it certainly looked like an easy task. But after devastating losses to the Broncos and the 49ers (I’m still in shock) the Jets are looking more grotesque than Britney’s hoo-hah.
Buffalo should be no easy task. They only managed to score 6 points in their last 2 games and are itching to get in the endzone. The Jets on the other hand look like Paris Hilton on defense, they’ll let anyone in. Their secondary is getting burned on every play and the defensive line can’t bring the pressure. Even JP Losman has to be licking his finger tips knowing he’s got chances to earn his starting job back.
Well that’s not going to happen. I’ve put my trust in the Jets for the last 2 weeks and I’ve been devastated (with my picks and my Jet fan soul). Usually by now I would pick against them. But I’m loyal to gang green and I think they can bounce back this week. Hell they need too. If the Jets lose this game shit is going to hit the fan…and I’m not talking about the stuff in my house.

Jets 26, Buffalo 20

White Boy's Week 15 picks (14-10?)

National Football Conference - 2008 Regular Season
NFC Team
W L T Pct PF PA Net Pts TD Home Road Div Pct Conf Pct Non-Conf Streak Last 5
1. z- New York Giants
11 -2 0 .846 366 226 140 40 6-1 5-1 4-1 .800 8-1 .889 3-1 1L 4-1
2. Carolina Panthers
10 -3 0 .769 323 254 69 37 7-0 3-3 3-2 .600 7-3 .700 3-0 2W 4-1
3. Minnesota Vikings
8 -5 0
.615 307 276 31 32 5-1 3-4 4-2 .667 6-3 .667 2-2 3W 4-1
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
0 .692 303 238 65 31 6-0 3-4 3-2 .600 8-3 .727 1-1 1L 4-1
6. Dallas Cowboys
8 -5 0 .615 312 280 32 37 5-1 3-4 2-2 .500 6-4 .600 2-1 1L 3-2
7. Atlanta Falcons
8 -5 0 .615 323 271 52 35 5-1 3-4 2-3 .400 5-4 .556 3-1 1L 3-2
8. Philadelphia Eagles
7 -5 1 .577 339 263 76 37 4-2 3-3-1 1-3 .250 6-4 .600 1-1-1 2W 2-2-1

No, I was not fired for insubordination. No, I did not fling myself off of the George Washington Bridge after the Eagles debacle this past Sunday. No, I did not spend the last 2 weeks focusing entirely on my fantasy team at the expense of doing NFL picks. I just had real life responsibilities that got in the way of my favorite past time, costing all of you money. Without further adieu....

(1) Minnesota at Arizona (no line)- As a Giant's fan, I am pumped up for this game. No, I am not enthused at the idea of watching two possible 2nd round opponents of the Giant's play each other. Rather, if Arizona wins this game, the G-men clinches a 1st round bye. If this goes down, it would make the Dallas game this Sunday much more relaxing to watch. As for the task of breaking down this game, Arizona is a dominant home team as it has only lost to the aforementioned Gints at home this year. The friendly confines of the University of Phoenix, an online university, Stadium should be conducive to an aerial show against a great rush but susceptible pass defense. THE PICK: ARIZONA (24-14)

(2) Giants at Dallas (-2.5)- I just don't have a good feeling about this game. Devo will tell you that I never have a good feeling about Giants games but I REALLY DON'T HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS GAME. Assuming my Cardinals come through for me and the rest of Giant's nation, this game is utterly meaningless to Big Blue. Whether or not it loses to Dallas, if it beats Dallas and loses to Carolina, they will be the 2 seed and if Big Blue loses to Dallas and beats Carolina it clinches the 1 seed. Therefore, no matter what happens to Dallas, the Carolina game is for the 1 seed. Dallas is on the other end of the motivation spectrum. Dallas has to win out to have a realistic shot of a wild card. Tampa is 9-4 and is all but assured of the 5 spot. However, don't forget that Tampa lost to Dallas earlier this year so if they end the year tied fort he 6th spot, Dallas gets in. However, Dallas, at 10-6 would have to leap frog 9-4 Tampa and 8-5 Atlanta. Therefore, expect Dallas to be angry and fired up for this one. The only hope for the Giants is for Romo to be distracted by his attempt to pitch his new soft drink, "Choke" (see Mahatma's most recent post). THE PICK : DALLAS 21-17

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

'99 Devo vs '08 Devo: The Sabathia Signing

As I enter the twilight of my life (late 20's) I am starting to realize that I am less principled about various things in my life. I could go on and on about how I don't want to firebomb the WTO anymore or how I'm starting to realize that "President Nader" may never actually become part of the American lexicon. But more importantly, I've noticed the difference in how I approach the Yankees. Let me explain:

'99 Devo:
Sure, we've just won ourselves a World Series, but the taint of all future World Series Championships will be clear for all to see if career mercenary/Red Sock Roger Clemens joins this team. David Wells was a true Yankee, embracing New York and its baseball franchise for all that it is worth. And Brian Cashman has thrown all that out the window in an effort to buy a championship. Well, the sad truth is that Cashman has taken all the fun out of rooting for the Yankees. Oh sure, I'll root for them, but I won't be happy about it! Brian Cashman, like the man with the windowless van who in fact HAD no candy, has robbed me of my innocence.

'08 Devo:
Win the world series. Fuck Boston. As my mentor, Mr. Rumsfeld would say, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. Spend $160 million on Sabathia. Hell, spend $300 million and also bring in Manny, Lowe, Sheets, Texiera, and the entire Dominican Republic if that's what it takes. It's not like my broke, unemployed ass will be going to games and supporting their salaries. That's White Boy's job. Point being, WIN A GODDAMN WORLD SERIES AND SHUT THOSE MASSHOLES UP. ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I'll admit I'm slightly less idealistic now. But you know what else I am? Hungry for a goddamn world series. Sabathia may be the answer, he may become a joke of Giambi-esque proportions. I don't know, I don't care. Like I said, I'm not paying his salary. But there's only one thing left to do.

Take it away, Jake Taylor...(fast forward to :23 mark)

Wednesday Afternoon Mahatma

It seems in my bitter middle-aged-ness, I’ve become less and less willing to put things into perspective. The term happy to be there hasn’t applied to any of my teams (ok maybe the Pirates) but shouldn’t it?

Often times, I tried to hold somewhat realistic expectations for each season for all my teams.

Like last year, I totally saw 9-7 and missing the playoffs for the Steelers and was thrilled that they went 10-6. Or was I? Nope I was pissed, fuming, and angry after watching those Jagoffs run through our team. Apparently, somewhere along the line I forgot about 9-7 and missing the playoffs to wanting Superbowl in one fell swoop.

I remember in 2001, the Steelers were fresh off 3 seasons without the playoffs. They ended up choking in the AFC championship but looking back on that season after, I was okay with that and subsequently had my expectations through the roof for 2002. 2002 they were painfully average but still made the playoffs and had a great comeback win against the Browns and nearly stole a game from the #2 seeded Titans. All and all a successful season.

I mean sure moments and players pissed me off to no end but overall I was okay with that. Heck, even 2004, 15-1 season in which this team should have probably been at best 10-6/11-5 and likely squeak into the divisional round of the playoff. The Pats derailed that and all but still that was way beyond any yinzer could have expected especially with a rookie QB.

Maybe it was the 2005 Superbowl run but things have changed. Now, we (Steelers and probably Giant fans and possibly Jet fans alike) suddenly believe that every appearance should result in a Super Bowl performance even when the team is fatally flawed such as Steelers. The Giants aren’t fatally flawed but at the beginning of the season how many of you actually pictured 11-2? Even after their recent struggles most Jet fans in August would be thrilled if you told them they’d be in first place with an 8-5 record.

The fact of the matter is we all get caught up in the moment so much that we lose our own rationality. Hell most teams don’t even put it together until the actual playoff run. Those Superbowl winning Giants last season? Won ugly throughout December before turning it on a notch. Ditto the 2006 Colts and

the 2005 Steelers. The point of this is that style points should be stricken from the record and just wins and losses should be key. The constant reminders of drives and games gone wrong should be stricken from the record and I'll try to stick with my expectations and be happy with the result. This won't last long.

Lucky 13 Power Rankings:

1. Tennessee (12-1). Are once again the darlings of ESPN after beating the vaunted Lions and Browns.

2. New York Giants (11-2). Minor roadblock or a sign of the life without Plaxico?

3. Indianapolis (9-4). Won’t lose until the playoffs. Maybe.

4. Pittsburgh (10-3). Dallas wide receiver Patrick Crayton says Christmas came early for the Steelers. This coming from Freddie Mitchell 2k8? Please make a play before someone actually quotes you.

5. Carolina (10-3). Two headed monster at running back, much improved O-line, steady QB, best receiver in the league and an underrated defense.

6. Baltimore (9-4). I’m not going to give it all my props to a guy I dubbed Flaccid, but that offensive line

is beastly and young (in a good way).

7. Philadelphia (7-5-1). Back from the dead but Andy Reid is still one of the worst coaches in game.

8. Tampa Bay (9-4). 3-4 on the road with impressive wins at Kansas City (barely), at Detroit (barely) and at Chicago (barely). One and done.

9. Denver (8-5). Can you take a team seriously after losing to Oakland?

10. Atlanta (8-5). Tampa Bay comes to the Georgia Dome next week, so Sunday's loss has to go in the rear-view mirror soon.

11. New England (8-5). “Gut check win.” (Peter King) Last time I checked, beating a Seneca Wallace and no offensive line team like the Seahawks shouldn’t be considered a gut check win.

12. Dallas (8-5). Need to win out to make the playoffs. Even than can they?

13. Miami (8-5). Impressive turnaround to say the least and they actually beat teams on the west coast.

14. Arizona (8-5). Congrats to the Cardinal nation on making the playoffs and having a home game in the opening round of the playoffs. Now if they could only win on the road, I’d care.

What I think is going to happen:

Let me put on my magic hat (or turban..har har har), and try to predict some of the nonsense that’s about to happen. Yea it’s bullshit and a likely crap shoot and I’m usually wrong but every other asshole can pick one so get cracking.

NFC Playoffs:

1) NY Giants

2) Carolina

3) Arizona

4) Chicago

5) Tampa Bay

6) Dallas

AFC Playoffs:

1) Tennessee

2) Pittsburgh

3) New England

4) Denver

5) Indianapolis

6) Baltimore

In terms of who I think will advance to the Superbowl, I’d rather not mention anything. Things change and people get hurt but as of right now let me just say this: September 11th, 2006, 8:15 pm and the end of the sports media as we know it.


Often times, people don’t want to get type-casted in certain roles for obvious reasons but you want to see what good coaching is take a look at Cam Cameron with the Ravens. He is utilizing his players individual strengths and using that to take advantage of the situation. People can crow (!) all they want on their defense and Flacco but Cameron deserves some attention for the job he’s done. With the Steeler cronies for instance, it’s almost entirely too predictable to watch the Steelers offense and even we k

new what was going to be called. Baltimore’s is the exact opposite. Whether it be unbalanced lines, flea flickers or two qbs lining up on the field, Cameron is putting his weapons in play and allowing them to be accounted for. Some people believe in their system more so than the players they have and that's fine and all. A truly great offensive coordinator though breaks tendencies and uses players in roles that work for them. Kudos to Cameron. Shitty Head coach, great coordinator.

Random Observations:

I saw this on a message board but Weird stat of the day: The Houston Texans are now 4-0 with gametime kickoff temps under 40 degrees.

Can the NFL do away with these games in other countries? Not to mention the Skydome might be one of the worst places to house a pro football game. It was listed that the Bills/Fin game was a sellout but really? I mean I saw a lot of blue out there but I swore those looked like seats.

Calvin Johnson has been the sole bright spot for the Lions. It’s almost a shame that lost in

this 0-16 season is the player I deemed best prospect ever is showing the skills to become a beast for a long period of time. It’s a shame though that he is stuck in Detroit.

Al Harris' injury makes a big difference on defense for the Packers and that alone is more than enough reason for why the Packers are where they are. The sad thing is the media is left blaming Aaron Rodgers. He’s probably one of the last people to blame.

This is the year of Karma for the Patriots. Key injuries, 3rd place record, and even the luster is wearing off on Belicheat's spy camera. I only hope that their years of douchebaggery live on for another 4 years.

Remember when Denver was a running back factory. This year they've need to go to their reserve factory in India. Peyton Hillis out for the year, that doesn't even include Selvin Young who has missed most of the season. Andre Hall, Peyton Hillis, Michael Pittman, Ryan Torain, Anthony Alridge too. Denver is now down to Tatum Bell (THIEF) , PJ Pope, and Cory Boyd. Perhaps Shanahan can use his rat noise and sniff away for some new talent.

Douchebag of the week:

Tony Romo.

Parting shots:

Cool video of a Man U Striker for all the soccer hooligans out there.

Someone got owned here:

It's one of the sadder weekends for me as I say goodbye to the best show on TV still, Dexter. Those with Showtime (Devo) who have yet to watch this are truly missing out. Fantastic performance by special guest star Jimmy Smits. As someone who missed out on NYPD Blue, West Wing, etc., It's great to finally see a great actor, who've you heard so much about not, in action.

Awesome shit.

The actor who said "I'm the Juggernaut Bitch" got arrested apparently for getting into a scuffle. Here's the video of the fight below. Props to the guy rocking the Penguin jersey.

Later folks.

Here's to you C.C.

R.I.P-C.C Sabathia, future homebody and N.L. Batting Champ.

HELLLOOOOO C.C. Sabathia, sellout who got pushed into this deal by his union and his hatred of living off merely $100,000,000 and requiring $160,000,000.

I'll have more on this later, but for now, let's just paraphrase the VP Elect by saying that throwing money at a pitcher isn't change, but more of the same. Anyways, Reel Big Fish wrote a song about moments like this, and here goes:

ps-Remind me to teach Devo Jr. how to throw a fastball.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Movies for the Christmas Season

Well the time has come for the year end holidays again, and we all know our favorite (or at least the most played up one): Christmas. I mean, who doesn’t love a holiday where you just keep getting handed a bunch of presents?

With this holiday comes an entire month of snow, credit card max outs, fat guys in red suits and the same two dozen songs on the radio going 24/7. Also including are a host of Christmas movies that we all love and enjoy. And while many revolve around claymation dating back to our parent’s childhoods, and some films with a guy named Jimmy Stewart and have to do with “Christmas spirit”, there are alternatives out there to these classics. So Yinzer Clause is here to bring holiday cheer by giving you films to watch during the holiday season. Ho ho ho mofo’s.

A Christmas Story
Despite being about the same age as myself, this movie continues to be great. How can we forget the leg lamp, "you'll shoot your eye" and the triple dog dare, along with a host of other great lines and moments. Even after all these years you don't get sick of it (though only showing it one month out of the year helps). If you miss is once, don't worry, cause TNT plays it for an entire day straight. Oh, and the actress that plays the kind, caring and straight edge mom? She’s topless in the movie Slapshot, so just remember that as you watch it.

Yinzer's Favorite Line: You'll shoot your eye out.

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
The funniest Christmas comedy period. Building on the Vacation franchise, this is easily the best installment. Amplified are the nightmares of out-of-town in-laws visiting, and everything that can go wrong does. Randy Quaid seems to be born for his role (which, in a way, is kind of sad) and Chevy Chase is at his best in this movie. There are few slow parts in this movie, and it never ceases to get old. And who doesn’t want to go into the rant Chevy Chase did about his boss? Great movie.
Yinzer's Favorite Line: (to his boss's entourage) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Bad Santa
Yet another comedy, but a damn good one. Billy Bob Thornton is a foul mouth drunk that is more interested in banging chicks and drinking than accomplishing his goals (not that those are bad substitutes by any means). Ok, he may actually have it better than us. While not very Christmas-y in itself, it does take place during Christmas, and it is called Bad Santa. This isn't one for the kids, but that’s one of the things that make it so great. (Oh, and the uncut Bad’er Santa isn’t a whole lot different if you’re wondering).
Yinzer's Favorite Line: I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.
Die Hard 1 & 2
Now, you're probably wondering "how the hell can you put two of the Die Hards here?" Well, I never specified any requirements to be a Christmas movie, and these two do take place on Christmas. Not your average Christmas movie with terrorists and people getting shot left and right, but it is a nice change of pace from the standard comedies or the old boring drama's like Miracle on 34th short. Screw "every time a bell rings an angel get's it wings" I'd rather hear "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" And Die Hard 2 can be summed up in a single line: "How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?!"
Yinzer's Favorite Line: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! (like it could actually be anything else)

The Ref
A little known movie starring Dennis Leary and the then-unknown Kevin Spacey about a burglar that kidnaps a dysfunctional couple (think your parents). In order to fool the police looking for him, he needs to pretend to be their marriage counselor and fool the whole (small) town. Well, you know Leary's brand of comedy and this is no different. Kevin Spacey does a great job (think of Lester Burnham in a constantly pissed off mood) and the completely dysfunctional family is funny throughout, the only real sappy and boring parts are near the end. There are some classic lines in this movie, in addition to the one below. I suggest you seek this one out.
Yinzer's Favorite Line: You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.

When I was a kid, I thought “man, what a bunch of assholes.” Now when I watch Gremlins, I think “man, these guys are awesome!” The Gremlins are complete pricks, but that’s why we love them. They’re like a mischievous Looney Toons character taken to the extreme, just in general fucking with everyone. Of course, we’d like to forget that whole sequel where somehow both the high point and low point of the movie was the Hulk Hogan cameo.

Yinzer's Favorite Line: I'm just gonna go with everytime the Gremlin's laugh cause they messed up someone's day

He-Man Christmas Special
I honestly don't know how I even remembered this thing existed, but I figured I'd throw it out there anyways.
Yinzer's Favorite Line: Do you honestly expect me to look one up for this?

WelKome to New YorK, K-Rod!

See what I did there, with the Ks? According to, and a lot of other people, Francisco Rodriguez has agreed to a three-year, $37 million deal with the Mets, with an option for a fourth year, pending a physical. Luckily, the Mets brought their team doc to Las Vegas with them for the Winter Meetings.
Last year with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Ha! That name is ridiculous.) K-Rod went 2-3 with 62 saves and an ERA of 2.24 in 76 games. That's niiiiice. I obviously did not get to see him much during the season, and saw a little of him during the playoffs, but his name was all over baseball headlines throughout 2008. With this issue pretty much resolved (remember: physical), the team has a closer to make up for Billy Wagner's absence and the craptastic end to last season.
Now, the Mets can shift their focus to set-up men, starter(s), and possibly a second baseman and a catcher. We shall see, but don't you just love baseball news in December!?
*...but picture him in the beautiful blue and orange. On the new mound at the beautiful CitiField.

Monday, December 8, 2008

I thought we were done with the losing: A Giants/Eagles Recap

Sure, this team won, but that just makes this all the worse. They may win this week, they may win 10 games this year, but that doesn't change the fact that this coach and this quarterback are not going to accomplish anything. At best they will win one playoff game, and even that's due to the futility of the NFC. Eli is mediocre at best, and Coughlin wears these guys out. I hope they lose the rest of their games so we can bring in Bill Cowher, draft a qb, and rebuild this team.

Yup, this was the one year anniversary of me wanting Eli out of New York, also known as halftime of the Giants/Bears game. My, how times change. Next thing you know, the Giants lose a game, and all of a sudden they're in contention for the #2 seed. Not that they're in contention for the #3 seed, they're already too good for that, but now there's an ACTUAL chance that home field won't go through Giants Stadium.

(Note: As I write this, kickoff for Bucs/Panthers is an hour away, if Tampa beats Carolina, I'm pretty sure it's much harder for the Giants to lose the #1 seed, since the Giants have tiebreakers. I may have just made that up. Point being, after this loss, the Giants may not even be in realistic contention for the #2 seed.

All this is to say that I have moved into full-on "Wake me when they're 11-5" mode. Don't get me wrong, if the Giants win each of the next two weeks, I'll love nothing more than shoving it in the face of the Cowboy fans and Panther fans as the NFC Championship. But these games are basically pre-season games-make sure the Giants are executing on their plays and keeping their guys healthy as the playoffs begin.

Oh, and you want a game recap? Eli sucked. Ward was ok. Jacobs was good but got hurt. The O-Line wasn't very good. Neither were the receivers. Hixon dropped a pass that would have saved the game. The front 7 had no pass rush. Pierce is still trying to run down Westbrook, and Kenny Phillips missed a tackle on L.J. Smith on 3rd down that allowed the first Philly touchdown to take place. So yeah, the team sucked.

But that's ok. I'll take 11-2. Wake me in January...

They Are Who We Thought They Were

I just don’t understand it. How are they going to save this sinking ship this year? This is why I love being a football fan. Two weeks ago after their impressive beating of the Titans, everyone had the Jets sitting on top of the world, the coaches and players were brilliant, Tannenbaum a genius and most intriguingly, a possible Jets and Giants Superbowl. Now its fire Sutton, Mangini is an idiot, trade Coles or drop his ass, Favre stop crying you pussy etc. Yea I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure I’ve said all those things. But the Jets still control their own fate. Now that there is a 3 way tie for first in the AFC East and the Colts and Ravens pulling away with the Wildcard spots, the only way for the Jets to make the playoffs would be to win the division. The talent is there, the gameplans and the attitudes are not. Could this be anymore of a hint towards the coaching staff to get your shit together or else?

- When the Jets needed to make a play they couldn’t. When they did, it was called back by a penalty (Leon Washington’s kickoff return for a TD)

- Neither Coles nor Cotchery are deep threat receivers. And I think Favre is reading the tabloids about him not throwing it deep. Well you can throw it deep, but not when your receivers are covered, then it’s just a waste of a down. Plus neither have been good at getting separation from the corners, especially Coles

- Shut the Hell Up Coles. I say trade him for Donald Driver. LC is nothing like Driver Favre…stop crying.

- It’s not that Thomas Jones didn’t get the ball enough; the whole offense was hardly ever on the field! Time of possession clearly was in favor of San Fran 39:49 – 20:11 along with 25 first downs. That’s how you win ball games.

- Jets had 10 first downs and were 1/10 on 3rd downs; that is not how you win ball games

- Is it just me or did the secondary look lost on more than one occasion?

- Kris Jenkins is playing hurt and it shows. He’s starting to slow down. They need to start taking care of their star players because if the Jets do make the playoffs he is a vital part of their success.

- The defense now can’t stop the run and the pass rush is fading away

- There is nothing more frustrating then watching your team fail to the gameplan. Not execution, gameplan, the same problems play after play after play.

- Was it me or did the 49ers run like the same play all game? And what’s sad is that it worked practically every time. Way to go Sutton

- Credit should be given to the 49ers offensive line. They gave Hill time to throw the ball, opened running lanes and picked up the blitz (when it was called).
What do they need to do to improve? Preparation. Get these guys better prepared for games. I’m not saying use the Parcells technique by threatening their jobs; maybe take them out of a few plays. Make them want to be out there on the field.
On offense the Jets need to get the wide receivers in the game early. Throw the ball to your best players i.e. Coles, Cotchery, Keller, Washington etc. Get them productive early so they stay committed to their routes, blocks and defenders will play off a little. Maybe put Leon Washington in the slot, shake it up a bit. Other teams know he’s dangerous with big play ability. Or have him and Thomas Jones simultaneously in the backfield; freeze some of the defenders at the line.
On defense, forget about all those coverage schemes. Be more aggressive, play more man and blitz more. They can’t cover the receivers anyway so take away those extra seconds from the QB. When you get in the QB’s face they’ll make mistakes. They did a great job against Kerry Collins but these last 2 weeks Cutler and Hill were smiling back at gang green with their middle fingers up. Ty Law and Dwight Lowery are playing badly. Drew Coleman has one good game every season, and that game was back in week 7.
To put it simply, they all lost the game. Hopefully Mangini and company have some tricks up their sleeves because their playoff chances are running real thin. Any season saving ideas? Anyone?