Friday, December 12, 2008

Yinzer's Periodic Hockey Post

It is time once more for The Yinzer’s periodic update. I say periodic because, like every man, I avoid commitment. In this case, any definitive length of time to have a hockey update as I do like other sports (read as: football). So here are some things that have been happening in the hockey world of late.


Avery Suspended
As we all know, uberdouche and Devo’s all time favorite player Sean Avery has been suspended for his sloppy seconds comment. Now, in general I agree with a suspension. It’s a lewd comment from a guy who, as a hockey player, the league likes to play up as nice guys. Now, hockey players do tend to be nice guys off ice, though often rabid, insult toting dicks on ice. But they care more about the off ice image cause it’s played up as a family attraction, hence the suspension. But 6 games? They said it was because he premeditated it, which he obviously did. But let’s not kid ourselves: he got five more games because he’s Sean Avery and everyone hates him. Which, in the past week, includes his own team who have said to the media (anonymously) they hope the suspension is definite, or he gets exiles to Europe and other such comments that boil down to “get him away from us.” Hell, now there is even talk that Stars co-GM Brett Hull, who convinced the owner to sign Avery, may be on the outs because of it. It’s a quarter of the way through the season and already he’s worn out his welcome. That’s pretty bad.


The Shitty Lemieux (Claude) attempts a comeback
You know, when Claude Lemieux, disgrace to the last name of hockey god Mario Lemieux, left the league, people were happy. Finally a cheap shotting douche that rivaled that of Tie Domi was gone, and the NHL was a better place. But now at 43 he’s trying t come back. The Sharks signed him to a tryout on the AHL farm team, making this the second time in three years they’ve given a final chance to a major douchebag the league would be better without (Jeremy Roenick being the other). Seriously, this man has never brought anything to hockey other than an intent to injure. Tough as hell, yes, but he cares more for injuring others than actually playing. The league is faster than when he last played and because of his age he will be slower, meaning to compensate he’s going to be even cheaper. Nothing good can come from this man being back.


All Star Balloting is so messed up
You know how I said all the Montreal fans were stuffing ballots to get their guys in as starters? Well, Pens fans, apparently pissy their guys weren’t getting those spots, decided to do the same, propelling Crosby and Malkin to the leading vote getters in the league. Also receiving major pushes are Gonchar, Whitney and Fleury. Gonchar and Whitney haven’t played a game this year, and Fleury has been hurt for a month. It’s just such shit when crap like this happens. And Ryan Whitney? Really? This guy hasn’t played anything near an all star level at any point in his NHL career. I’d say get rid of fan voting, but the problem is all the guys I mentioned? The NHL put them on the ballot. So really, there is no one who would be able to make a legit list or roster because they're all idiots.


Barry Melrose gives some parting shots
Now I’m not fan of Melrose, and we all knew he was going to get fired sooner rather than later, but I have to give him some credit for speaking his mind about the Tampa owners. Basically the rumors of owner meddling was true. Or at least by one. Melrose spoke highly of the one owner, but refused to mention the others name, so we all know what he was getting at. And being bitter, also said he wouldn’t deny he hopes Tampa does bad. Which they are. In fact, they're actually doing worse then when he was there, with only a single win since. Though I kind of applaud him for telling the truth, when he said he hopes they do bad, he didn’t really make any exceptions like “I liked the players” so that’s kind of a dick move there. Still, nice to see some personality in hockey. And now the Lightning are looking to get out of paying Melrose the remainder of his contract because of what he said.



If you needed further proof Scott Harntell is a douche, or even just a moron…






Two Players, Two Hattricks
If you weren’t privy to the Pens-Isles game on Thursday, you didn’t bear witness to a televised rape. The Pens won 9-2 against their Atlantic Division foes (I consider the entire Atlantic Division to be rivals for the record). Career third liner Pascal Dupuis got his first career hat trick, as did long time scoring forward Petr Sykora. Sykora had thirty eight two goal games yet no hattie, which is pretty amazing for a perennial 25+ goal scorer. And in rabid celebration, jumped into the man who set up his final goal Sidney Crosby, and seemingly made out with him (as you can see in the pic below or ten seconds into the video). Listen I’m happy for you Petr, and I like Crosby too, but keep it off the ice huh?


The Hurricanes Suck
After relentlessly beating on the Flyers for two periods, the Hurricanes (or, as my brother the Brooklyn Yinzer refers to them, the Humidity) decided to prove their suckitude by giving up four unanswered goals, then proceeding to lose in the shootout to the Flyers. Way to choke jackasses!


Reminder: Winter Classic at Wrigley Field, New Years Day
Last year featured the Penguins vs Sabres, with the NHL’s wet dream come true: 70,000 plus fans cheering on hockey in a snow storm with poster boy Sidney Crosby winning in the shootout. This year will feature two original six teams in the Blackhawks and Red Wings. So as you sit trapped on your couch moving like a sloth trying to recover from alcohol poisoning, tune in.

5 comments:

White Boy South Bronx said...

as someone who is totally neutral about the devils/pens. I would love to start a heated dialouge between devo and Yinzer. Devo defend ya boy

The Yinzer said...

Pfft. Devils fans. Like they actually exist...

Oh, it's on Devo :P

devo said...

Re: Claude Lemieux. His Conn Smythe Trophy says hello. As do his four stanley cups. And the fact that every NHL player not on the '97 Red Wings wants him on their team says volumes. And he's not just a goon-he can score. And most importantly, he may be the only athlete whose jersey is owned by two SUS writers.

Put simply: HE.IS.GOD.

Oh, and sorry, but I really have no beef with the Penguins-you got Sykora on your team, the savior of hockey, and you beat the Rangers last year. Plus, we just Clemmensen-ed your ass 4-1 a few days ago.

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