The Brooklyn Hillbilly Doesnt Give a Damn About Your Problems: The Week 15 Picks

Obligatory Carmella DeCesare Garcia pic.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta(-3, 44.5)
Man, this should be a good one. Too bad I cant watch it because God forbid that the Jets have any competition in the 1pm time slot. I mean, what would happen if there was a game on against the Jets? There might be more people watching football!!! How BARBARIC!!! Look, the TV rules for the NFL have gotten out of control and are hopelessly outdated. In modern America, where people move around and the average person lives in 5 different major cities in their lifetime(look it up! or dont...), the idea that everyone in a given city is a fan of the local team is just retarded. There is no rational reason that there shouldnt be 2 games on CBS and 2 games on Fox every Sunday. But no, Don Goddell and the rest of the NFL capos wont let that happen because it might affect the new extortion-ahem!-revenue stream called Sunday Ticket. It isnt enough that we have to suffer through approximately 52 minutes of John Cougar Mellencamp and hypnotic Toyota commercials per hour, but we either have to pay $300 and get a goddamn satellite dish or go to a bar with our friends and spend $100/week on drinks. WOW. I never thought of it like that to be honest. Mahatma, Brooklyn Yinzer and Iowa are driving me into bankruptcy. One of us is getting a dish next year fellas.

Can't wait for this next season.

Ok, rant over. FUCK THE NFL. Ok, rant over for real this time. This really should be a good one, even if both teams did drop deuces on the field last week. I still think either one of these teams could cause some trouble in the playoffs. Neither will win the Super Bowl, but stranger things have happened than the best team in the league being beaten by a 5-6 seed because their best reciever shot himself in the leg at a club. When? I dunno, but Im sure its happened. Anyway, Im sure that Matt Ryan will not fail to make this an entertaining game. Look, anyone with a brain hates BC, but even I gotta give Smatty props. And facing him is one of my favorites, Jeff Garcia, the most consistently underrated QB of the last few years. The guy just wins. And then loses, but still, I like him and it gives me a chance to show a picture of his hot wife(below). Anyway, time for a pick. I could give you numbers on this about Tampas D or how Michael Turner needs to come through for me so I can kick SCHMUCKs ass and advance to the fantasy Super Bowl. But I wont, I will merely let you know that Tampa is 2-3 ATS as a road underdog and Hotlanta is 2-1 as a home favorite. And that is enough for a simple man like me. On to the important game. Falcons win 27-21.

Hey, The Man finally got OJ, you're next Ray.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore(-2.5, 34)
Well, here it is, the 7th and second consecutive "biggest game of the year" for the Steelers. And like, all the others, this one looks like a loser for the Steelers. Its hard to get real excited for the Steelers chances after watching this offense for 13 games. Horrendous play-calling, sloppy execution, sub-par line play and frequent and unforgivable cases of the dropsies have destroyed any confidence I had in this offense. Last week, in what was arguably one of the worst first halfs of football(for both teams) the offense failed to score more than 3 points off 4 turnovers. Frankly, the Steelers shouldve won that game in the first quarter and end up winning by 3 touchdowns. Instead, the offense did not wake up until the final nails were being driven into the Steelers coffin. Sad

But we are not here to talk about past inadequacies, just the ones that will be exposed this Sunday by the SECOND best defense in the NFL. Yes, the Ravens are second best. But somehow, I think they will come out of this game with better defensive stats than the vaunted Steeler D. Why? Because of the offenses, duh. Joe Flacco is getting a lot of great press. Good for him, its nice to get positive feedback as a new worker. But hes gonna have a rough time Sunday, as he will spend a good chunk of his day cleaning sod out of his facemask. The real heroes for the Ravens this Sunday will be the running backs Willis, Le'Ron and Ray-Ray. I was thoroughly impressed with Le'Ron McClain in the first Steeler/Baltimore matchup this year. Not gaudy numbers, but gritty runs that nearly broke the Steelers backs. Im honestly a little scared what he and his boys are gonna do tomorrow. In what will be a closely fought contest, Baltimore getting 100yds on the ground could spell disaster for the Steelers. And sadly, I think thats whats gonna happen. Flacco will flop; Ben will be adequate; Parker and Moore will not get the job done and the Ravens will, barely. Baltimore does something right for once and wins a disgusting game 14-13.

A guy can hope...