Friday, May 30, 2008

Badass Weekend Music Clip

In honor of the SUS meeting happening at the Garden State Arts Center this weekend, we're going to break away from the traditional Who/Clash/Pearl Jam rotation to give you a badass clip of STP, probably the first time I really respected them:

The Importance of Research

So, I was trolling some blogs earlier today when I saw that it was South Park co-creator Trey Parker's birthday. So, in honor of one of my heros, I spent the morning compiling a stellar collection of Mr. Parker's finest work. Then I decided, for some reason, to see if it really was his birthday. Turns out I was only off by a few months. So you, lucky SUS reader get a wholly undeserved trove of killer videos to make your afternoon fly by. Enjoy!

The Trapper Song- Cannibal the Musical

American History

oh holy night - eric cartman

Part I - Your Studio and You

Part II - Your Studio and You

Crazy Old Lady In Orgazmo

Team America - Im So Ronery

America- Fuck Yeah!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

MissMet On the Spot- Mets Turn the Season Around?

Last night, I went to the Mets game with some friends and we got a great show. At the start of the game, the team was 1-1 since the Big Meeting between Ownership and Management in regards to Willie Randolph's tenure with the organization. Tuesday night's win was solid. Santana pitched well and the team hit, getting help from the bullpen and the bench players. Let's not forget about those players that are now starting due to injuries galore aaand Carlos Delgado. With Ollie Perez on the mound, I was slightly pessimistic, due to his erratic throwing over his past few starts.
When we got to Shea (Katie and I weren't alone this time, so at least the Mets had that going for them), I noticed the starting line-up over the Will Call Windows. Normally, it features 'baseball cards' with the Mets that are starting in their batting order. Two of the cards were blank tonight and I was trying to figure out which newbies were taking over for the two injured outfielders. Turned out it was Nick Evans and Fernando Tatis, who just happened to be one of last night's heroes. Before meeting up with some other friends, Katie and I browsed the Mets Clubhouse Shop and found our fair share of awesomely cheesy items, but more on those later.
The game started off very well, with Rusty Staub pulling off the number 9 in the 59 to show that yes, there are only 58 (regular season) games left at Shea. Ollie got the (first place!) Marlins out in order in the 1st and then the Mets came out with some HOT BATS in the bottom of the inning. 2-0 after 1. Then, Ollie got them out 1-2-3 in the 2nd and it went through my mind- I will be present during not only the first Mets no-hitter, but a perfect game (honestly, this goes through my head when I leave my house in order to get to any Mets game, but getting the first 6 out only fuels this ridiculous fire). Either way, this didn't happen, because the first of many Marlins home runs was hit in the top of the 3rd. It was ok though, the Mets were winning and my friends were having fun. They enjoy baseball, but are not crazy like me. We were partaking in the songs and the cheers. We were eating the yummy ball park foods.
Then, the other shoe dropped. Ollie gave up his 3rd home run of the night and 2nd to some Marlin, whose name I don't even care about (oops, bitter) and the Mets were losing. After I became able to speak in words that weren't expletives, my friends tried to pep me up. 'There's still time' they said, 'this doesn't mean its over' they pleaded. They haven't really been through the trauma that Mets fans go through, so I was only half-believing them. I obviously felt there was glimmer of hope though, they all left after the 8th and I stayed. I mean, there was hardly any booing tonight. Aaron Heilman pitched 2 hitless innings. There seemed to be something special going on. Then Endy 'the catch' Chavez hit a game-tying home run in the 9th inning!! Amazing and awesome.
We were onto extra innings. After the 10th, I told myself that I'd stay through the 11th, no matter what. With the game still tied after 11, I bolted for the Southside Parking lot, so that I could at least hear the end. By the time I got to my car, the top of the 12th was over, and the Marlins were ahead again. Thankful that I missed that home run, I started my trek back to Jersey. I heard David Wright get a walk. I heard Carlos Beltran single while David was in motion, sending him to second. Along the Grand Central Parkway, I heard Damion Easley strike out. Then, across the Triboro Bridge, I heard Tatis double in the tying and winning runs. I let out a whoop as I got into the Bronx, but I also wished I was there. I've never seen a walk-off win in person, and I would have loved to last night.
All regrets aside, last night's win was fantastic. I don't think this team would have come back from being down twice in the 9th and the 12th 2 weeks ago. The whole team won the game, and the bullpen kicked ass.
As they play the Dodgers this weekend, let's hope the Mets take the hard work they've put into the series against the Marlins and run with it...

Awesomely Cheesiest Souvenirs at the Club House Shop
David Wright's picture surrounded by hearts on a necklace (also available in Jose Reyes)
'Diamond' studded NY on a Mets hat
Mets hat with flames
Any pink Mets paraphernalia
If I see anyone with any of these items, I will first be happy that they are Mets fans, but then laugh at their poor taste.

Oh by the way, in the picture above, the Mets are attacking Fernando Tatis for hitting the game-winning double.

Angry White Man's Irrational Opinion of the Yankees Lineup

1. Johnny Damon LF
For a leadoff man, he sure gets a lot of meaningless singles...

2. Derek Jeter SS
And why are those singles meaningless? Because they're followed by "The Captain." Apparently "Captain" is Native American for "He Who Hits Into Double Plays." Not for nothing, but he has the defensive range of a two-year-old. And I'm not saying that Sterling favors Jeter, but when Jeter strikes out swinging, Sterling gets livid that the umps think that Jeter went around on what was clearly a check swing.

3. Bobby Abreu RF
If the Yankees are going to employ a fielder who's afraid of walls, shouldn't he be converted into a second baseman? And in the time it took me to write that, Abreu just looked at strike 3.

4. Alex Rodriguez 3b
Fine, he's great. But is it worth it if I have to hear "Annnnnn A-BOMB. FROOOOM A-ROD." 50+ times every year? Very debatable.

5. Hideki Matsui DH
When I look at Matsui, I don't see someone who's Asian. I don't even see someone who is suddenly a Canseco-like awful left fielder. No, I see someone with a larger porn collection than me. And that makes this white man angry.

6. Jason Giambi 1B
I'm going to demand $50 from him when he finishes the year hitting .320 and I owe White Boy that money. And great, Giambi's hot again. But if this is going to result in him keeping his porn 'stache until he stops hitting, then put me with those rooting for him to go 0-45.

7. Robby Cano 2B
Needs a hunger strike in order to hit his weight.

8. Chad Moeller/Jose Molina
Even Angry White Man's distant cousin, Stoned Pacifist White Man thinks that these catchers should fuck off and die.

9. Melky Cabrera CF
No beef. Angry White Man approves. As such, Angry White Man now angry for having nothing to get angry about. Translation: Melky's an asshole.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Pens 3, Detroit 2

But I just spoke to Yinzer, (pictured above) who said he's still calling Wings in 4.

For what it's worth...

Michel Therien was FANTASTIC in Lethal Weapon 2

Happy Birthday Glen Rice

So today is Glen Rice's 41st birthday, just thought I'd mention that. He was always one of my favorite players in video game basketball, few shooters were better. Rice won an NCAA Championship at Michigan (MVP of tourney as well) in '89 and an NBA ring with the Lakers in 2000. Heres a couple videos to remind you of a star from the 90's.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Soccer Hooligans!

On Sunday I attended my first Red Bulls (a.k.a NY/NJ Metrostars, a.k.a who cares!) game and let's just say I wasn't that impressed. I mean, I know it's no World Cup but seriously, these guys should be playing a city park instead of Giants stadium. Of the 200 people that attended I was one of the 4 that spoke English. I think it's really funny when fans trashtalk in Spanish, but I wish I knew what they were saying (stupido pendejo!!).

But the game itself wasn't too bad. Usually these futbol contests end in low scoring but not this game. Chicago Fire (seriously, what kind of f*cking name is that?!?!?) scored 5 goals to Red Bulls 1. I've never seen or heard of 5 goals being scored against an opponent before (not since little league I was a shitty ballkicker kid). Midway in the 2nd half it started to look like a hockey blowout, a fight broke out on field, refs and coaches shouting at each other etc. I wished I was at a hockey game at that moment. I always love watching the hockey fights when the goaltenders square off against one another and skate the course of the rink to attack. That would have been sweet if the soccer goalies had done the same.

Simply put I spent more $ on food and booze at the game then I did for the ticket and even booze couldn't help enlighten my MLS experience. Note to self....I miss football

Bartolo's Not a Playa, He Just Crushes a Lot

This is definitely my current favorite website. I'm honestly not sure how it is legal to put every Simpsons episode online where viewers can watch, free of charge. In fact, maybe I shouldn't be drawing attention to it by posting it on this blog. But I can't help it. This site not only lets me relive the glory days of The Simpsons (don't even talk to me about the past six or seven seasons), it also makes me feel like a genius for not buying any of the seasons on DVD. In all the fuss over Family Guy and Southpark during the past few years, I feel like The Simpsons has been lost in the shuffle. Which of the three shows is the best? Tough question, but to me, one that has a clear answer. The Simpsons (in its prime) really can't be compared to South Park at all - the only reason they have drawn comparison is the fact that they are both animated. This is ridiculous. You shouldn't compare Seinfeld to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia just because they are both live action. Can we just say that they are all - all four of them, in fact - hilarious shows, and leave it at that? Family Guy, on the other hand, for all its popularity, is a cut below the others. Way below. South Park was absolutely right in pointing out that it isn't even all that well written, and that the jokes generally have nothing to do with the plot. To me, one of the worst things about the show is that it doesn't even care about its characters. Peter, Lois, Chris and Meg are made of cardboard. We absolutely do not care what happens to them, or even whether or not the show resolves itself. Note the (ridiculously) extended fight sequence between family members at the end of one of the episodes. We don't care that the characters appear to engaged in a death struggle with each other, or that this is a sign of a profoundly messed up family. We are just supposed to laugh, because their fight is outrageous and unexpected. By way of comparison, I watched an old Simpsons today from Season four, called "Duffless." It is one of my favorite episodes in the entire run. The plot is simple: Homer gives up beer at Marge's request, and the two of them reconnect at the end. Some of the gags are hilarious: at one point, in the Duff Beer factory, we see a safety inspector checking beer bottles for foreign objects. He is momentarily distracted - just long enough for a bottle containing Hitler's head to fly by. And for all of its humor, the ending - Homer and Marge ride a bike singing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" - has some genuine emotional power. Is there a joke at the very end? No, not really. And yet the whole episode is infinitely better written and, I think, funnier than that episode of Family Guy that has the fight at the end. Basically, we are looking at two shows: one funny show with a soul, and one less funny show with no soul and no standards. Guess which one I pick?

I am really not a fan of these west coast Red Sox games, but I did enjoy waking up to find that we had beaten "King" Felix. Actually, we feelings were mixed, since I have Felix on my fantasy team. But as always, "real" loyalty wins over fantasy loyalty. (The topic of fantasy-real life conflict is a whole other blog.) The big story of yesterday's game is Bartolo who, with the retirement of David Wells, is the new "I can't believe a guy that fat can be paid to play baseball" posterboy. Seriously, which active players come close to Bartolo for sheer chubbiness? Dmitri Young is definitely in the conversation. Another question is, how excited should I be about this Bartolo phenomenon? It seems to be pushing it to hope that he could step in and be his Cy Young self - or even a rotation fixture for the rest of the reason. Consider me cautiously optimistic. A quarter into the season, our rotation is by far my biggest area of concern. A casual fan might look at the stats right now and see no cause for alarm. We have 8-0 Dice-K, Playoff hero Beckett, No-hit Lester, Bartolo, Steady Wakefield and the other No-hit guy, Buchholz, and oh yeah, Curt Schilling waiting in the wings. And yet... Beckett has been good sometimes, but also a little shaky, Lester has been untouchable sometimes, but also erratic. Same with Wakefield, only more erratic. And Dice-K... He is 8-0 with an ERA under 2.50, so I shouldn't complain too much. And yet, no 8-0 has ever been more terrifying or instilled less faith in a fan. There have been starts this year where I wonder if he will ever throw a strike again. There have been starts was he's thrown approximately 423 pitches entering the fifth. He is getting a ton of run support right now. I'm not implying he's Barry Zito, as some sky-is-falling Red Sox fans would have you believe. But he is also not having an 8-0 type season so far, regardless of what his record says. As one of my fantasy pitchers, he gives me the double heart attack every time out there. I've already a bit too much Dice-K for one year.

And he's still a safe bet to be 9-0 by tomorrow, given how Seattle's line-up looks so far.

Satan's Brew

Health researchers have identified a surprising new predictor for risky behavior among teenagers and young adults: the energy drink...Super-caffeinated energy drinks, with names like Red Bull, Monster, Full Throttle and Amp, have surged in popularity in the past decade. About a third of 12- to 24-year-olds say they regularly down energy drinks, which account for more than $3 billion in annual sales in the United States.

New research suggests the drinks are associated with a health issue far more worrisome than the jittery effects of caffeine — risk taking.

In March, The Journal of American College Health published a report on the link between energy drinks, athletics and risky behavior. The study's author, Kathleen Miller, an addiction researcher at the University of Buffalo, says it suggests that high consumption of energy drinks is associated with "toxic jock" behavior, a constellation of risky and aggressive behaviors including unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence.

I'm not a doctor, but "unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence" just sounds like good ole American fun to me. Where would this country be with out whores, drunks and fighters? Still in the British Empire I daresay, and nobody wants that. And since when is "risk taking" a health issue? Isn't that extremely vague? I mean, having that one last shot(Fuckin Jagerbombs!) before you drive that sloppy drunk girl home from the bar may be a health risk in any number of ways, but that $2G's I laid down on the Penguins to score a goal in the Finals was purely financial. Though my bookie Vinny says it may turn into a health problem very soon.

The point here is that Red Bull never made me do anything that the 3 whiskeys I had before hand weren't already going to make me do. Though if they started carding for Red Bull, it might single-handedly bring down the club scene in New Jersey and the Fraternity/Sorority system nationwide. And then where would the hyper, drunken, low self-esteemed slutty girls be? Drunk and looking for attention in Brooklyn bars. Wait, maybe this isnt such a bad idea....

A Few Thoughts from a Weekend Spent in Miami (The City Where The Heat Is On All Night On The Beach To The Break Of Dawn)

I spent 36 hours last weekend in Miami for my cousin's bachelor party. I wrote about these kids on an old blog, but for now let's call them Ron (Best Man) and Jeremy (Bachelor). A few thoughts:

-Took about 2 minutes before Ron & Jeremy brought up what they like to call "The First Place Florida Marlins." I responded to them later in the evening with the following:

"Hey Ron, you see the Yankee game on Sportscenter? You see those people who seem to be watching the game? Those are called fans. You'll start to see them down here if the Marlins get to the later stages of a World Series."

Of course, Ron responded "First place Marlins." Touche, sir.

-You know that a bachelor party is going to be a shitshow when the place you go for dinner, before the booze starts to flow makes the paper the previous day because they were at the center of a bookmaking scheme.
"Yeah, I'd like the 8 oz. filet, the side of salad, and $200 on the Yankees."

-Got to ride in a stretch hummer limo built for 20. Can't complain about riding in style, but let's just say that they should come with restrooms if you're driving more than 20 minutes. And that's all I have to say about that.

-As for the bachelor party? Um, I'm not sure. I drank a lot of booze before we left Ron's house, drank my fair share in the limo, don't remember the strip club and passed out in the 2nd club. I bet the others had fun though. And for the record, there's no worse feeling than not remembering a fantastic strip club.

-On a similar note, it's weird going from a strip club to a real club. The girls at the club expect you not to touch them and shit, like they have rights. Who do they think they are?

-In a surprising turn of events, I was actually able to find Vs. and watched a few minutes of the Stanley Cup. Want to stick out in Florida? Do any of the following:

1. Wear a Pro-Castro t-shirt.
2. Wear a Pro-Palestinian t-shirt.
3. Wear an Obama '08 t-shirt.
4. Attend a Marlins game.
5. Watch a hockey game.

-If you haven't yet, go ahead and watch the Miami music video up top. I defy you to not get into the groove. It brings me back to the days of laser light bowling. SHMUCK knows what I'm talking about.

Monday, May 26, 2008


Since our adoring public has clamored for more Penguin articles, I decided to take a quick little recap of the Stanley Cup Finals right now.

You know that feeling when you go up to this really attractive girl and she humors you a bit before Brad Pitt swoops by and they go back to his place.

Yea that's kind of like how it is right now.

On another note, I think Chris Osgood should volunteer himself for the olympic diving contest.
The man can fool any judges as evident by this game 2.

Check back later this week as we officially end Penguins month here at SUS and I personally crawl into a blawging purgatory until football season.

The History Channel Hates America

Every year on seemingly all of the important and patriotic holidays (Memorial Day, 4th of July) the History Channel tends to show a Band of Brothers Marathon. But recently, The History Channel merged with Al-Qaeda and the prophet Muhammed, pictured below. (just kidding) What are the results of this? Well, put simply, this means no Band of Brothers Marathon on History Channel today.

Hey History Channel, why do you hate America?

But screw it. As a gift from us to you, SUS Nation, on this day to honor our nation's soldiers, we give you my favorite episode, The Breaking Point, Episode #7 as Easy Company defends their foxholes in Bastogne. Enjoy: