Saturday, May 10, 2008
You know what I hate? Ok besides the Rangers and Sean Avery, Ravens, Bungles, Flyers, Patriots, etc. It’s those god damn corporate vocabulary users. You know the ones. The ones that prance around the office acting all big and bad and just saying some really lame words. Here’s a list of some of my favorite fingernail-on-chalkboard words that piss me off:
Putting out Fires – unless you are a fire fighter this phrase should not be echoed in the office. Look I know you like to think you are a hero because your client wanted a PDF instead of a word document but Jesus Christ, get over yourself.
Circling the Wagons – I’m sorry wtf is wagon who the fuck circles it. This isn’t the Oregon Trail and sorry nobody uses WAGONS anymore. Lewis and Clark are not walking through that door anytime soon neither should this phrase.
EOD/COB -- who the fuck says these things. The best is getting one of these requests at like 6:00 pm. By that logic, the day should be over and I should be walking home but no. The only COB I like has corn on it and it’s going to stay that way.
Too Much On My Plate – again can’t you just say you are busy? It makes you sound like you are out at one of those super buffets after about the 2nd helping of mashed taters and mac n’ cheese.
Self Starter – uh okay what the hell is this? Last time I checked, a self starter is defined as:
1. An electric motor used to start an internal-combustion engine
So next time someone asks you to be a self starter, tell them to go hit up Advanced Autoparts.
Bandwidth – this should only refer to Network and server work. Saying you don’t have the bandwidth to do something refers to what? Your network adapter? Gtfo!!!
Offline – working in the horribly retarded advertising word, I heard this gem recently: "Hey XXX, we need to call Client #5 about this.” We'll deal with that offline, when this meeting's over." Who says this shit? If someone told me that I would politely SLAP THEM IN THE FACE. Apparently it means, we’ll speak to him in person but come the fuck on people. Stop sounding important and come to grips with your mid level desk job.
Ping – “Hey Mahatma, Ping Me when you get back to your desk.” “HEY DOUCHEBAG FUCK OFF.”
“Taking one for the team”! – This one pisses me off because that usually implies that I will be staying late and or doing someone else’s job while they go home.
Reach out – unless said recipient is dangling off a cliff, there is no reason to reach out to them.
Wearing different hats – This line is relevant only if you are talking to Turtle from Entourage or you work at Lids, otherwise this is stupid and you sound like an asshat. Thanks I’m here all week.
Proactive – I get this a lot. Hey Mahatma, you need to be more proactive. I guess I’m not because the only thing I can think about when I hear this word is Jessica Simpson’s acne problem.
Niche – I am sooooo sick of hearing what our “niche” is!!!!! Who cares……give me my paycheck.
I hate “Just want to put this on your radar.” A former boss used it a thousand times a day- and I feel certain that we were neither an airport nor any type of air defense company.
“I will shoot you an e-mail.” – How about you just shoot yourself in the face but before shove that email up your ass.
I need a soft copy of that – what the hell is a soft copy??!?!?!?!
What’s the ETA? - Seriously, ETA? More of these parallels to Air traffic control. Why don't you call JFK and find out, ya fuck.
Touching Base – Now this is just perverted. I’d like to keep my base far away from your hands thank you very much unless of course you are Scarlett Johansson. Than you can touch base with me all night long!
So SUS nation which stupid office words piss you off?
First off, the Flyers have lost the first game of every series so it's nothing new to them. And Pittsburgh journalists should be very familiar with that as it is exactly what happened when the Pens won their first cup in 1991, losing the first game of every round. Yet somehow they dont think to step back and say "well its one game and they can turn it around."
One writer actually said that the Flyers gave no indication that this series would last more than four games. Are you kidding me? After one fricken game you think that all signs point to a sweep? Dumbass! How can you judge after one game? What if Philly comes out and murders the Pens 7-2 the next game, are you going to change the tune to how it looks like the Pens wont win a game again?
I hate this kind of shortsighted, homerish bullshit, especially from a journalist. There is absolutely no objectivity in his article. Apparently the Flyers making adjustments after one game is an impossbility. To so quickly count another team out of it is nothing short of moronic for me.
I am glad the Pens arent as full of praise for themselves as the journalist are, because if they had their heads that far up their asses they'd be done quick.
Friday, May 9, 2008
SPOILER ALERT FOR MOST OF THE ARTICLE
-Let me begin by saying that I'm not a comic book guy. Some of the movies have been solid, notably X-Men, Spiderman, and the Michael Keaton and Christian Bale Batmans. So I thought this movie would suck, but I was pleasantly surprised. Some parts of the movie were stupid, most notably the fact that Robert Downey Jr. would've died in the end except that he was blocked from going into this nuclear reactor by a screen. But still, solid flick. Let's call it 2.75 out of 4 stars.
Some additional thoughts:
-The best part of the movie was easily the 36 hour flashback in the beginning of the movie. Best Vegas scene this side of Swingers. Ironic, since this movie was directed by Jon Favreau.
-A surprising amount of celebrities were in this: Terence Howard, Gweneth Paltrow (welcome back to the movie world), Jeff Bridges, Jon Favreau and SUS's own Mahatma. And you thought SUS was his only job? Ha.
-So as far as Jeff Bridges is concerned; the man is a fantastic actor. He's turned in some damn good performances in Arlington Road, The Contender among others. And yet, he was so good as The Dude in Big Lebowski, that I refuse to take him seriously as anything other than a stoner who loves bowling and CCR.
-I think what I liked about this movie the most is that it tried to walk a thin line between the science fiction of comic books while still maintaining a relatively plausible plot. It stayed relatively plausible by including some of the bad guys as Afghani (I think?) jihadists and invoking the current US War on Terror. Sure, it made Jeff Bridges the evil bad guy by the end, but for most of the movie, it maintained a relatively realistic plot as far as comic books go.
See ya in the sequel.
And just because there was a Jeff Bridges sighting, one more Lebowski clip:
So I'm a stats nerd but not in the way that sabor-metric (is that how you spell it Devo?) weirdos are . I like to obsess about team stats so here are some statistical nuggets for the Editor and I's beloved Bronx Bombers.
1) 15 of the Yankees 18 wins this year have come in starts made by Mussina, Wang or Pettite.
2) The Yankees are 12-0 in game s that both Mariano and Joba have appeared in together.
3) The Yanks have the same record at home (9-9) as they do on the road
4) The Yanks are 2-9 (forgot game yanks won in Tampa that Kennedy started) in games started by Hughes or Kennedy
5) The yanks are 7-1 in games started by Wang and 11-17 in all other games.
So what did we learn class? The Yankees rotation is 3 people deep and one of those people is Mike Mussina. The Yankees have been a horrid team when the two Kids have started. That rebuilding plan is off to a nice start ey? Mariano and Joba are the best relief tandem in the game and 2/3 of the Yankees wins have involved this tandem getting the hold and save combination. This means that the large majority of the Yankee wins have come come in relatively close games. Finally Wang is really good, is an ace and we'd be lost without him. Okay, class dismissed and next time please don't talk on aim or text each other on your blackberries right in front of my face during class (Like I did today at school to follow the Yanks game). I'm looking at you Mahatma!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The forwards on the teams are an interesting mix. Pittsburgh is top heavy with skill on the scoring lines with the likes of Crosby, Malkin, Hossa and Sykora while using various role players on their lower lines, in a way a stereotypical way to build the roster. The Flyers are a bit different. They don’t have the raw skills the Pens have but their forwards are pretty interchangeable. Someone like Knuble or Umberger, while not the most skilled, won’t be out of place on the first or third lines so if they start playing good or bad they can be moves around accordingly with little impact to a lines duty. Of course the Flyers aren’t without their own skill fielding the likes of Daniel “I look like I’m 12” Briere and Richards. Still, either Crosby or Malkin can takeover a game, and if you focus on one you leave the other open to dominate, something the Flyers can’t really do. But this one is very close.
Right after Mahatma posted his preview it was announced Timonen, easily Philadelphia’s best defenseman, will more than likely miss the rest of the playoffs due to blood clots in his foot. This is a major blow, but not a fatal one. Coburn gets better as time goes on and Smyth and Modry provide good leadership and playoff experience. And as much as his on ice play and feminine haircut is maligned at times, Hatcher isn’t as bad as some to make him out to be. The Pens have been synonymous with bad defense for years, and sadly this is the best squad they’ve fielded since their cup years. Gonchar doesn’t get enough credit nor does Orpik, and Gill has been…good since his acquisition (“good” and “Gill” in the same sentence is a bit of an oxymoron here in the hockey world). Alas the Pens are bogged down by coach Therrien favorites Ryan “hit him with your purse” Whitney and Robert “good god do I suck” Scuderi. One can’t play defense, the other cant do anything and both take regular shifts.
Both goalies have been having post season success. Fleury mans the pipes for the Penguins, constantly trying not to shit himself whenever Scuderi or Whitney are on the ice. He hasn’t had to come up big yet, but he has yet to falter at all playing as good as is needed. He has the skills to turn it up a notch, so if the Flyers pour it on he will have his real test. At the other end is Martin “I act tough when my team is surrounding me but run away like a girl when they’re not” Biron who is in his first post season. Like Fleury he hasn’t really had to face a whole lot. The Flyers shut down Ovechkin (meaning you shut down the Caps offense) and played against a Montreal team that looked like a fish out of water at times. Biron has never been one to really steal games, so if the Pens get the offense going he may not be able to cope.
As you probably know by now, I am a Pens fan. The Pens post season record is 8-1 and they have pretty much dominated both the Senators and Rangers: two teams they perennially do not play well against. The Flyers have played an average Capitals team that only made the playoffs because their division sucked, and a Montreal team whose goalie let in every other shot. And despite these things, I still have no faith the Penguins can win it. I am just expecting this team to lay an egg at the first chance, and them to get out coached when it boils down to strategy. You’d think I’d have more faith in this team, but I really don’t.
Flyers in 6
The Flyers will POWN the Penguins in 6 games. Really? There you have it folks. This astute Flyer fan here, with his mullet flapping in the breeze has spoken, and there is nothing Crosthby and his bitchesth can do about it. He's also a FLYERSTH fan and he has sthpoken. It's just a shame he didn't have enough batteries the first go around.
When pressed for further comment, Junior was interrupted by his mother who informed him that his pop tarts were ready.
So it’s down to two teams in the west nobody really likes: the Dallas Stars cause they’re from Dallas and the Detroit Red Wings cause people are just sick of them. And they have Chris Chelios. Regardless my dislike for these two teams, I am obligated to preview their series.
Detroit has Zetterberg, Datsyuk and Franzen along with a strong supporting cast that is scoring in bunches plus are quite gritty and defensively responsible. The Stars are getting scoring from all over too, but past Morrow no one has been able to really take over a game, nor is particularly dynamic with their skills. They’re going to need to squeeze some more production from their secondary scoring to get past the Red Wing’s defense.
Advantage: Red Wings
As always Lidstrom leads Red Wings in ice time and he can get things going in both ends. Though his name is always the first mentioned with the Wings, his supporting cast of Stuart, Rafalski, Kronwall, Chelios (god I hate that crybaby) and Lilja along with a few others aren’t exactly bottom line guys. The Stars boast a pretty strong but aging corps with Zubov, Robidas, Norstrom and Boucher who have loads of playoff experience and have yet to fail the Stars in the playoffs. They’ve been pitching in on the offense side of things too. For the most part they are evenly matched, but only one has Lidstrom.
Advantage: Red Wings
The Dominator wasn't so dominating and got replaced midway through the first round by Osgood. He’s played pretty good but he also hasn’t been challenged, as the six games he’s played there has been little offense mustered against him. On the other end for Dallas Turco has been shining, and has played the best of the remaining goalies. Still in his prime and always wanting to prove he isn’t a playoff choker, he is driven which when paired with talent is a dangerous combo.
Though the Red Wings have an edge over the Stars in the other areas, goaltending will be their Achilles heel. If Dallas can get past the defense they can show that Osgood really isn’t as good as his stats are. Still Detroit has yet to let that happen as both their fore checking and defense is among the best in the league, regular season and post.
However, Dallas is playing with a lot of confidence and has meshed very well in the playoffs. They’ve been able to smother two of the most talented teams in the west in Anaheim and San Jose (though granted they had the San Jose Choke going for them). Plus there is that better goalie in their net. Call me crazy, but this is a feeling I’m getting.
Dallas wins in 7
The major storyline for this series is the notion that the Flyers seem to think the Penguins tanked their final game so they could avoid the Flyers in the first round of the playoffs. I mean obviously, the big skating pumpkins are truly an intimidating force just ask Gary Roberts, Penguin winger, on this. "It can't be expressed, the fear we feel."
The Flyers are now pulling the “No Respect” card that the Pens, media, etc. don’t respect them but okay if a team “tanks” so they don’t have to play you isn’t that respectful? You can’t have it both ways you morons. Anyway, I gotta say the whole “No Respect” card is so clichéd these days in all of sports. I mean seriously how many people are like wah they don’t respect me etc. I mean look it could work in Football but in hockey with a bunch of hosers and euro trash? Get real. Can we get some new motivational techniques, Coaches? Perhaps they should employ Matt Walsh?
Last series, I again predicted the Penguins to lose but that’s only because the obvious depth and talent of the Rangers were no where to be seen throughout the series. The Penguins were able to get far more contribution from some of their secondary sources. The Penguins again face a similar situation in the Flyers. The Flyers roll out 3 scoring lines with their leading scorer during the season “relegated” to 3rd line duty. That’s scary depth. Add to that with a healthy and annoying, Daniel Briere and
The Penguins were somehow able to stave off the Ranger attack while looking somewhat decent in the process. This is because the Rangers obviously can’t score as some Flyer faithful have pointed out. Sure, who cares that they scored at will on one of the best defensive teams in the decade, they can’t score. Flyers were able to do the same against one of the highest scoring teams in the league, the Canadians. They got lucky to the tune of 8 posts/crossbars in the series but they still won. On paper, the Flyers have really good depth all around led by the top pairing of Braydon Coburn and Kimmo Timmonen. These two have shutdown Ovechkin and Kovalev the past two series. Can they do the same to Malkin? Old timers Jason Smith and Derian Hatcher provided physical play albeit at snail-like skating ability and Lasse Kukkonen and Randy Jones have upped their game in the playoffs.
The Pens have got solid play out of their group. Gonchar has played above average while Brooks Orpik, Hall Gill and rook, Kris Letang have brought their games up a notch. The Penguins are still using Ryan “BU’s finest purse swinger” Whitney everyday so the edge automatically goes to Philly. Add to that Robert Suckderi whose lone skill is that he tries hard indicates that Penguins have a distinct disadvantage in this. Until these jokers are scratched then the Flyers and every other team will have the advantage.
Marty Biron was able to hold off the Canadians with not only skill but some luck but the Penguins are an entirely different animal; fresh off of knocking out the best goaltender in the game. It should be an interesting matchup to say the least.
Eventually, a hot streak runs out and the Pens have the weapons to do that. Furthermore, the Penguins have had some luck with Biron in the past including chasing him in a 7-1 win in March and I see that continuing this series. You can give an asshole a haircut and a new tie but he is still an asshole. Fleury hasn’t been great but he has made the big stops when needed. Nothing dominating yet and there will likely be a time he needs to rise up and steal a series for the Penguins just as Biron as for the Canadiens. Fleury also seems to shrug off bad goals with a calm and cool swagger and he’s also added the ability to “cup check” – something that will be very useful with the Flyers involved.
One of those herpes vs. gonorrhea parallels here. Therrien is still a stubborn, ego - driven, motivational guy while Stevens tries to do some good things but somehow is still hated by Flyers fans all around. I don’t get it.? Sure every coach hears it from backseat coaches on line changes, matchups and scratches but the book was out on the Flyers after the all star break: this team was a one trick pony -- counterattack, line rush, PP -- that was easily defeated if teams adopted some specific measures them. Second half of the season teams played passive and the likes of the Rags, Habs, Devils and Pens beat on the Flyers. Stevens failed to adjust. He also has shown a propensity to sit on leads. Sure you can blame the players but the coach dictates the system. Regardless, Stevens has done enough to save his job but Therrien has shown to learn from previous mistakes against the Rags and the Sens and shockingly gets the edge here.
Flyers are undefeated against the Penguins in the playoffs. The Penguins were undefeated against the Rangers in the playoffs and look what happened there. See a pattern peoples? Both teams also have hot goaltenders which is a prerequisite for teams going to the Stanley Cup. Flyers won the season series but so did
So everyone is betting the house (farm, condo, co-op, shack, time share) on the Penguins. Sure the Flyers can talk about No Respect but I’m going to say Too much Respect for the Penguins. The Penguins score some awesome goals and all but come on, does the showstopping offense win championships? Hell no. Just look at our chowda-headed, incest-loving 3rd cousins to the North. While the media was jerking off to Brady and Moss, the Giants were devising schemes. Chicks may dig the goal but the stick check is still the best play in hockey. Not to mention the refs are in the Penguins back pocket so because the Rags and Rag fans cried murder, the refs will now stick it to the Penguins at every possible moment just to show them they aren’t biased. Flyers also have an elite powerplay so that can only spell doom if the Pens spend an excessive amount of time in the penalty box. I don’t like this matchup at all. The Pens should win but I don’t know.
When in situations like this, with the vast demand of SUS nation bearing down on my shoulders, I turn to Man’s better half: females who know nothing about hockey. After undergoing a careful screening process of being on AIM or random token coworker passing by, I got 7 of them in total to represent the potential 7 games and ask them point blank, Penguins or Flyers.
4 picked the Penguins and 3 picked the Flyers.
Penguins in 7
Do I care who wins this series? No. But as benevolent dictator of SUS, sometimes I'm forced to write about things that I don't care about for the good of SUS nation.
So let's talk us some Stars/Wings hockey! First things first, I hate both of these teams. The Wings are the one NHL team challenging the Devils for best-dynasty-since-1990 status. And the Stars, meanwhile, dared to challenge the Devils in the 99-00 Cup Finals, trying to take down the greatest Devil team ever assembled.
Everyone keeps talking about this Wings team as one of the deepest teams ever assembled. And that's true for their forwards and defensemen. But saying that they have depth at goalie with Osgood and Hasek is like saying that the Raiders had depth at Running Back with Dominic Rhodes, Justin Vargas, and Michael Bush. Sure, there's a bunch of bodies, but is the talent still there? And in the case of the Wings, Osgood and Hasek were both damn good goalies; hall of fame in the case of Hasek. But that was all in a pre-9/11 world. Ever since Osama Bin Laden and Co. tried to take down America, Hasek has been a good but injury prone goalie who may or may not be celebrating his 50th birthday in the near future. Was Hasek affected by the attack on our Towers, the Pentagon, and scenic Shanksville, Pa? Well, no, not at all. But he did start to get old around then. Point being, he sucks now. Neither Hasek nor Osgood should be starting goalies on a Stanley Cup contender at this point in their careers.
But what about the Stars' goalie, Marty Turco? For a long time, Turco was Joe Thornton before Joey T knew how to choke on a giant T-Bone known as the postseason; a great regular season player who decided to pack it in once the weather got warm and the playoffs started. But over the last two years, Turco has turned himself into an elite postseason goalie. I'm not going to bore you with stats, if only because I don't feel like doing research. But last year the Stars lost to the Carmela Decesare-hot Robbie Luongo. And this year, Turco has led a seemingly decent Stars team past the defending champion Ducks and the trendy bandwagon known as the San Jose Sharks.
In a semifinal round that features Turco, Hasek, Osgood, Martin Biron, and Marc-Andre Fleury, dare we say that Turco is the best goalie standing? And don't teams with the best goalies usually win playoff series? Well, yes, except for the fact that in this case, the Wings have probably 8 of the top 10 players, goalies aside. I refuse to believe that the Wings can win it all with their current goalies, but for now, let's say Wings in 6. Simply too much talent, though an upset here would not surprise me.
Devo tries to expose Sportscenter. A traitor in our midst alerts SC, wastes an hour of Devo's time by being sort of classy.
Ever since I've embarked on my career as a mind-bottling anti-Buzz Bissinger blogger, I've wanted to write an article about how Sportscenter has dumbed itself down from the old days of The Big Show with Dan and Keith and the Craig and Karl feel good show. Well instead of waxing poetic, I figured I'd just do a diary of a random weekday sportscenter. I was hoping to do a day with NBA playoffs, NHL playoffs and a full MLB slate, but there was no hockey. Or hell, there may have been NHL playoffs, but because it wasn't on Sportscenter, it might as well have not existed.
The original plan also included calling out the Sportscenter anchors for their stupid and pointless homerun calls. But unfortunately, none really came, in spite of Devo's Dumbasses' Joey Votto's 3 dingers. Anyways, here it is, me, a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee (my first coffee in two months), and SportsCenter, with Steve Levy and John Anderson as the hosts.
9:01 Lakers/Utah highlights. No stupid sayings, are the SC anchors as tired as I am? Come on John Anderson, you're below this level of dignity, I know you are.
9:03 Post game conference thoughts on Kobe:
1. "We have great team unity" (my how far we've come from the trade demands of yesteryear) 2. His daughters are with him! How can someone with two cute daughters in afro puffs have raped a woman in Denver?
9:05-Pistons/Magic highlights. Nice butterfly stance by Chauncey Billups. Unfortunately, he's a point guard, not a goalie. Mrs. Billups won't be happy about that. Neither will Chauncey's goomahs.
9:08-Yanks/Cleveland highlights before Spygate? Oh, right, the game was on ESPN last night. Viva self-promotion! And is there any doubt that Cliff Lee will test positive for either messing with the ball or for roids/HGH?
9:10-ESPN asks, should we just give Cliff Lee the Cy Young? No. Not when there's an HGH suspension in his future. Ah, gotta love baseball in the new millenium: Everyone's a suspect!
9:11-Spygate. Oooh, Spygate, at 9:11? Here's to you, conspiracy theorists. Greg Aiello, League Spokesman, basically goes Denny Green, saying, "These tapes are what we thought they were." Can one crown tapes? Is that possible?
9:14- Carlos Gomez homered and John Anderson called it like a standard HR, nothing special. Come on people! I didn't do this diary just to note the adequate and almost classy job of SC anchors!
9:15-Ah, Joey Votto's 3 hrs. I'm kvelling like a proud papa as Devo's Dumbasses' own Votto kicks ass and take names. Props to anyone who can define the Yiddish word without clicking on the link.
9:17-7 home runs, and nothing stupid and obnoxious from John Anderson. Is it possible that Sportscenter knew that SUS would be going undercover to infiltrate their awful home run calls? Maybe. And more importantly, who's the traitor in SUS' ranks who's giving away our secrets? Looking your way, White Boy.
9:19-Are we sure that Magglio Ordonez doesn't spend his offseason filming porn? A funny lookin fella.
9:20-Blown save by Papelboner, aka the man who is doing everything in his power to ruin the Dropkick Murphys for me. Serves you right, douchebag. I liked the Murphys first.
9:21-Nats lose. In other news, US invades Iraq, Man walks on Moon, Eve eats apple, etc...
9:22-Took Sportscenter 22 minutes to talk about Spurs/Hornets. How long before they overhype Chris Paul so much that I'm forced to hate him? I give it a calendar year.
9:23-Interview with Lebron on ESPN. If you look at him long enough, you can actually visualize the Cavs jersey becoming a Brooklyn Nets jersey.
9:28-Angel Pagan with a nice catch in leftfield for the Mets. Oh my god...could it be...THERE'S AN ANGEL IN THE OUTFIELD! Thank you, thank you, you're a terrific audience, try the shrimp.
9:29-Nice catch by the deadbeat dad in Dodger Stadium, not letting his new born get in the way of his living a lifelong dream and catching Ryan Church's hr. The guy who caught the field goal in the Bears game is calling this guy a deadbeat.
9:30-I know that the Rockies were in the world series last year. But I still have no idea who 2/3 of their starters are.
9:31-If you're Barry Zito and give up 2 runs in 5 innings but lose to the Pirates, can it really be considered a quality start?
9:32-SportsCenter RIGHT NOW. Basically a recap of the evening's top highlights, implying that all of the highlights were basically included in the first 30 minutes of this show. Why are weekday Sportscenters more than a 30 minute show again?
9:34-All this talk about Chauncey Billups really makes me want to name my first born son Chauncey. He'll blend right in with the other kids at his hebrew school.
9:35-LSU All-Access spring preview. John Anderson just said that LSU begins their season in 114 days. BUT HERE WE ARE WITH A PREVIEW OF THEIR OFFSEASON AND SOME PRACTICE FOOTAGE. I asked this 3 minutes ago, and I'll ask again: Why can't SC be a 30 minute show again?
9:36-In other news LSU are the defending national champions. Am I the only one who didn't automatically know this? In other news, I asked BH who won the BCS Title last year, and he said Florida. So I guess I'm not the only one. Words can't explain how little I care about LSU's practices. BH will claim that he was misquoted, but I have Matt Walsh-type proof of this.
9:39-Steve Levy reports that Cedric Benson just got traded to the Bengals. Just kidding.
9:44-Mark it kids. 44 minutes into SportsCenter, a hockey discussion. Paul Maurice got fired. And that's your hockey for this show. Seriously. Thanks SC for your willingness to sacrifice ratings for those precious few minutes.
9:49-Just seen on the ticker: Steve Francis exercised his option for next year with the Rockets. You can almost hear the collective Houston groan in Maryland
9:51-Tony "Dude, my last name doesn't begin with an H" Romo tried to qualify for the PGA US Open, and failed like he was playing the Giants in January. If we had a SUS intern, their job would've been to pull a Stuttering John, sneak into the press conference, and ask Romo: "Mr. Romo, I missed it last year, but did you guys win the Super Bowl? No? How did your season end? Really? The Giants? How did it end, a Strahan sack? A Plax TD? As long as it's not an R.W McQuarters interception, I guess it's socially acceptable. Oh, really? It was? Sorry. Well at least the Patriots took revenge for you against the Giants in the Super Bowl." Super Bowl Champion New York Giants. Sorry, that needed to be said. To paraphrase Eddie Vedder, no doubt talking about the Giants, "It's already been said, but it can't be said enough. Super Bowl Champions." Meanwhile, this isn't news, but I'm 72% sure that DD iced coffee is laced with crack. I don't want to make any accusations, but let's just say I've spent the last half hour rotating between shivering and sweating.
9:54-Eli Manning Super Bowl Winning Quarterback. Brandon Jacobs/Ahmad Bradshaw, Super Bowl Champion running backs. Plaxico Burress, Super Bowl Champion Wide receiver. James Butler, Super Bowl Champion Safety. I need to stop. The iced coffee is kicking in like a motherfucker now. But I'm just saying. Super Bowl Champions.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Great State of New Jersey has come out with a New Jersey Hall of Fame. The first class of inductees rolls 15 deep and includes a former U.S. Senator, one of the greatest inventors of all time, the greatest scientific mind of the 20th century, the greatest NFL coach of all time, and of course Springsteen and Sinatra among others.
A hall of fame honoring the great alumni of New Jersey is certainly a solid idea which is long overdue. But aren't we forgetting someone here? What about a soon-to-be publishing magnate the likes of which have never been seen before? Where the hell am I on this list? Can we really make a list of great New Jerseyans (Is that a term? Did I just invent it Thomas Edison style?) and not include myself on this list? This is like Axl Rose playing music under the Guns n Roses moniker but not including Slash. I refuse to recognize GnR without Slash and I refuse to recognize the NJ Hall of Fame until I become a member.
And lastly, SHMUCK, Merloni and MissMet also got screwed like a porn star by the Hall of Fame voters. Don't ever say that I don't care about my writers.
I'm not an American Idol fan. I watched it during the Carrie Underwood season because circumstances dictated as much. But I really hate this show. The simple premise that someone can become an overnight rock star is enough to anger me. (And probably Buzz Bissinger too) But when someone goes on American Idol and covers the greatest rock song ever written, they're asking for trouble.
So David Cook, you have angered the rock gods; it's now time for you to turn in your right-to-live card. Die.
If Roger Daltrey were dead, he'd be turning over in his grave over this crap.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I guess since my team's fantasy name is "Jobah Rules", I should comment on his first real horrible performance of his career. Yea I'm really bummed out and a little sick to my stomach that Jobah just gave up a 2 out 3 run home run to lose the game for us with only 4 outs left to be recorded in tonight's 5-3 loss to the Tribe (which meant only 1 out from Mo). But mainly, I'm nervous. Jobah, thanks to his nearly flawless career till tonight, had never really experienced a devastating blow before. The Midges was just a freak occurrence in which he didn't even give up a base hit and giving up a run in a tie game in Chicago is not that big of a deal. However, tonight was brutal. There were 2 on and 2 out with journeyman utility man David Delucchi at the plate of a 3-2 game in the top of the 8th. Jobah has been so dominant that when the ball left the bat of Delucchi I assumed it was just a regular deep fly out to right. Then the ball starts sailing and when I saw Abreu stop and look up, I knew it was over. Not the game, we could have scored 2 runs in 2 innings to tie it or 3 runs in the next 2 innings to win it. Rather, what was over was the delaying of the biggest test of Jobah's young career. In other words, would Jobah become the next Brad Lidge or the next Mariano Rivera? Would he shake this one like Mo did against the Indians in game 4 of the 1997 ALDS and become the next great reliever/starter or would he go the way of so many of the Brad Lidges of the world? I"m not saying that if he gives up a run or two in his next outing that he's doomed to Brad Lidge status; but it would show me and the rest of the Yankee Universe a lot if he could put this one behind him and continue to be his dominating self. The next few games should go along way towards determining his fate for the rest of the year. My guess is he shakes it off but I'm sure Stros fans thought Lidge would shake the Pujos moon shot off too. Finally, I know that this was not a playoff game, not even close. However, this did go down against the same team that Midged there way for a cheap run in game 2 of the 2007 ALDS against him. Delucchi's hr, though not a bomb, still felt like it was hit 600 feet considering it was hit off the almost un-hittable Chamerlain. I'm upset sure, I'm angry of course, but most of all I'm nervous; is he the next Mariano Rivera or the next Brad Lidge? I'm holding my breath...
But the worst thing about Philly is the Flyers. They are awful. I'm going to go on record as saying if the Flyers were somewhere else than hell I'd have no beef with Philadelphia. Look you got cheese steaks. The Liberty Bell and Ben Franklin. Unless you are in a terrorist, that's probably a-ok in your book.
Anyway so why are the Flyers evil in carnated? Look at the team!
You got Daniel Briere:
No man should enjoy hugging a teammate that much. Yet Briere does. Hmm. To quote the 'I Hate Briere' Facebook group, "Briere is an overpaid, whiney, diving, cheapshot throwing, goalie-interfering, bitch." Yep that's about right.
Derian "Douche" Hatcher:
Heck even the old school Flyers sucked too. They wore Pants!!!
Holy fashion faux paux. Someone needs to get the Queer Eye Group (minus Avery's spleen) after these guys.
Fuck even these assholes are Flyers fans. How on earth can you root for such douchebaggery?
You can't!!!!! Unless you and your male friends go out and make kissy faces and pseudo gang symbols in photos. Than by all means, please move to Philly and you too can root for the Flyers!
So there you have it. Because of those guys, you too should hate the Flyers. I didn't go to law school or anything but let me just say CASE CLOSED.
I lived in Chicago for a little while, and if there is one thing you learn upon entering the city limts, it is this: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE SOUTH SIDE. Its like the South Bronx of Chicago, but spread out. I looked at a room in a cheap apartment down there, and after I asked if my car would be safe on the street, I was told by my prospective roommate, "Yeah, it be fine, everybody know you with Big Jimmy, so nobody touch it". Did I mention the apartment building was surrounded with a 12-ft high chain-link fence? Charming neighborhood.
Now, the Pittsburgh Steelers #1 draft pick, Rashard Mendenhall and his girlfriend were robbed at gun point while walking along the shore of Lake Michigan on the South Side the other night. Thank God the kid has some sense and just gave his shit up, nothing in your pockets is worth dying for, unless you have an iPhone. But this raises some questions. Why was this guy out at 2am, alone(practically) in one of the worst sections of any city in the US? I know you prob took your girl out there back when you were toting the rock for your high school team, but c'mon man, you are a professional athlete now. He has to be more careful, who knows if the assailant recognized him and thought that he would have money. I hope this is his version of Big Ben's motorcycle accident and he starts being a little more circumspect. If it was up to me, I would treat him as I would any daughters I might have, and keep him indoors with supervision at all time. The Big Ben wreck made the franchise's life flash before my eyes, please Rashard, for the sake of my heart, try to stay out of trouble.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Some thoughts from seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the new Harold and Kumar movie.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall was very funny, but not nearly Apatow’s best. It had the standard Apatow humor, but for the love of Allah, someone was crying in EVERY FREAKIN SCENE. I’m surprised that no one else has brought this up in any movie reviews.
Paul Rudd is quickly replacing Steve Buscemi as the best character out there. Very strong as a strung-out surfer.
Great job by Billy Baldwin, sort of playing himself. If Courtney Love can get nominated for a Golden Globe for playing herself, certainly Billy Baldwin can get an Oscar for playing Billy Baldwin. And Sarah Marshall’s boyfriend deserves a grammy for either of his songs in this movie.
And as far as Harold and Kumar, it was what I expected. A stupid and hilarious romp, though they spent less time in Gidmo than I thought. Not as good as the first one, but how does a director live up to a movie that is basically a drive through the great state of
Neil Patrick Harris is back for this movie. So is George W. Bush. One of them dies in this flick. I’m not saying which one.
Also saw about 10 previews for upcoming summer movies. Some quick observations in order from greatness to uh, not-so-great:
1. Pineapple Express-I’m not entirely sure what this movie is about. But it has Seth Rogen and pot. Lots of pot.
2. The Dark Knight-No fucking way that Heath Ledger doesn’t win an Oscar for this role. I’m not a big comic book guy, but this movie looks fantastic. Would be #1 if not for the excess of pot in Pineapple Express.
3. The new Mike Myers movie-Parts of this really annoyed me. Parts of this looked really funny. I’m pretty sure I felt the same way about Austin Powers. Speaking of which, Mini-Me is back in this. I guess that's something.
4. Get Smart-Eh, maybe I’ll check out 5-10 minutes of this if I have time to kill while movie hopping this summer.
5. The Ashton Kutcher/Cameron Diaz Vegas movie-This list is starting to go downhill quicker than Mischa Barton all of a sudden...
9. Speed Racer-Note to Emile Hirsch: stick to dying in
10. Sex in the City- This show makes me hate
Feliz cinco de mayo amigos! Ah, the West Coast trip. The next two night games at Los Angeles will start at 10:10 and end who knows when. That means that I'll be finding out the score when I wake up in the morning. Not from the newspaper, but from Eyewitness News This Morning, as the ticker goes across the screen. Quick question: Who was first to have the ticker- ESPN or CNN or other? Post a comment if you know.
Lucky for the Mets, the left coast has been kind to them. Looking back just to the weekend series against the Diamondbacks, where the Mets took 2 of 3, the boys started hitting and got some great pitching and defense (David's catch!) on Friday night. Sunday the team benefited from some shoddy D-Backs defense and their own timely hitting. Back in 2006, they got hot at the right time and went 9-1 on the road starting in LA. We also can't forget about the playoff series in 1999, 2000 and 2006 v. the Diamondbacks, the Giants and the Dodgers. Remember what the Mets' record is against the Big Unit and how well Joe McEwing of all people hit off of him?
With all that success, I still resent these road trips and time changes. It would be nice if I could call my friends in California and Washington without having to figure out what time it is there. I like to flip back and forth between baseball games and my regular Prime Time TV line-up. I love to travel, but I don't like jet-lag. It is almost bedtime and the game has just started. It doesn't even seem like Dodgers fans really care that much, so why can't they just play at 7pm EST like normal? Alright, let's go Mets, you'll have to win this one without me.
How great is Ryan Church right now? I never expected this much from him at all.
Let's hope Ollie Perez redeems himself after his unspeakable start last week. Good for you, Billy Wagner for publicly bashing him for it.
Welcome back, Moises Alou and Brian Schneider!!
I'm sorry for your loss, Rangers fans. Let me get out my violin.
I'm really sad about Eight Belles dying at the Kentucky Derby and I'm glad that I wasn't watching the race.
Peter Forsberg- Mr. Me
Honestly, I don’t care if Forsberg is one of the best players in recent years, retire already. All series long we heard how he may play tonight or not, how his ankle was still bothering him etc. Honestly, enough. I’m sick of the press conferences he calls to say “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” It’s all about Forsberg. And notice how I have yet to mention the actual series yet? That’s because Forsberg’s health got more attention than the damn series. It’s ridiculous.
The Avs get Pwned
Injury riddled, which seems to be a recurring theme in recent years for this team, the Avs just couldn’t overpower the Red Wings with a depleted lineup, being swept away by the President’s Trophy winners. Of course it doesn’t help when you’re starting goalie keeps getting chased from the net, but regardless there was just too many key parts missing to keep the engine running and the Avs never really stood a chance.
Where the Hell do the Red Wings Keep Finding these Guys?
Zetterberg was a seventh round pick and is an all star tearing up the playoffs. Johan Franzen came out of nowhere and completely shit on the Avalanche. And they have two goalies and two defenseman that age seems to have little affect on. How does this team keep doing it? Honestly, how?
Confident Teams are Dangerous
And that is exactly what the Dallas Stars are. Despite having problems meshing all year they finally got themselves together and have eliminated the reigning cup champs Anaheim and the second seeded team San Jose (more on them later). Brendan Morrow is earning his captaincy being a major force in every game, and scoring the overtime winner to clinch the series. Do not count this team out against the Red Wings.
4 OT’s and Still a Full House
This is another thing I love about hockey: you play until someone wins, and sometimes it just isn’t quick. The final game between the Stars and Sharks went ten minutes into the fourth overtime, taking over five hours to finish the game, and the whole arena was still there when it happened (well, I’m sure some people took little kids home, but you get the point). I’m not saying fans in other sports wouldn’t do this, but it’s always nice to see people stick it out for such a long time.
Only Sharks from San Jose Lay Eggs
Like I said in my series prediction (which by the way I got right with Dallas in six), the Sharks committed their second round playoff choke in spectacular fashion. Nabokov wasn't in the form that is most likely going to win him a Vezina and he didn’t get much help from the team in front of him, the high powered offense again fizzling. Below you can see a picture of Joe Thornton, once again invisible in the playoffs, in this picture taken after the series ended.
The Canadiens Beat Themselves
A caller into XM radio summed it up best when he said the Montreal media and fans kept saying “well if so and so started playing well we’ll be fine” said about five times over. Listen, if your entire team isn’t clicking, it’s a big fricken problem. The goalie sucked, the offense couldn’t get anything going, the defense under achieved and the power play, Montreal’s greatest strength, was a non factor. Pretty much everything sputtered like a Geo going uphill and the Canadiens lost in five.
You Didn’t Lose Because of the Refs, so Stop You’re God Damned Whining
The ref’s have sucked in the playoffs for every series, and it’s about the only thing all the fans will agree on. Missed calls, bad calls, you name it. But sadly it’s been partial, which is the only kind of consistency that the refs have shown. But it is absurd that the Rangers fans are crying that they lost the series because they think the NHL actually is rigging things for Crosby to win a cup. You know, I thought like this at one time to, but then I turned twelve and realized it was bullshit and I was being an idiot. Yet some Rangers fans seem to think this is truly the reason they lost. Yeah, the high stick on Drury should have been called, but you know what? That high stick on Jordan Staal in game two where he got cut should have too. You win some, you lose some. Welcome to life.
This mode of thinking is juvenile and outright pathetic. If you honestly think this than 1) you’re a homer who is just too angry to allow them self to see the truth that your team got outplayed, or 2) you’re just a damned idiot and have no real clue what is going on. I get you want someone to blame, but it’s not the refs who despite being god awful for both teams, who cost the Rangers the series (hint: look at the players performances).
Here is the list of teams that have been eliminated from the playoffs: Predators, Capitals, Senators, Canadiens, Sharks, Ducks, Rangers, Bruins, Devils, Avalanche, Flames and Wild.
This is the list of teams crying they lost because the refs screwed them: Rangers
If you truly think it is rigged, really, grow up and stop embarrassing the other Ranger fans.
I Still Don’t Have Faith in the Pens
Yeah, I’m a Pens fan, and despite being 8-1 I still have little faith this team can keep winning. Maybe I don’t want to get caught up in the hype, maybe I don’t want to be disappointed if they do lose, or I’m just too pessimistic, but I just don’t feel like this team can really outplay any other team left, or for that matter any other team that was ever in it. 8-1 and still counting them out with little doubt I am wrong, and I’ve been proven wrong two series in a row. That’s not a very good impression.
First off, the horrid display of officiating is the one thing I can take away from this series. This is in inexcusable. How 4 officials can miss a high stick is an absolute joke and the officiating crew should be banned from the playoffs.
The whole point of the 2 referee system was so crap like this wouldn’t be missed. Why on earth are there 4 guys out there if they still miss shit? Should we put another official out there and make even less room? The Rangers have legitimate beef as should fans of the NHL. Who knows if the Rangers score with a 4 minute powerplay but this further extends the belief that the NHL wants the Penguins to go the cup as opposed to say the biggest market in the world.
The refs made and missed calls throughout the side and its not nearly as one sided as Rangers fans seem to think. The fact of the matter is the Pens are moving on as they were able to rise above the bullshit and come through when they needed to.
Anyway, here are some other thoughts:
The big culprit for why the Rangers bowed out so quickly was special teams. The Penguins powerplay , despite all the officiating inconsistencies, was able to consistently take advantage of the Rangers soft penalty killing. It wasn’t until game 4 where the Rangers stepped up and became more aggressive where they able to limit the powerplay. On the other side, the Rangers PP was indeed urine like when they needed to step up. A number of piss poor powerplays and failing to capitalize on the Penguins’ mistakes is the main reason the Rangers are now thinking about the off-season.
The star of the series is easily Henrik Lundqvist still in a losing effort. There is no question that without this guy here, the Rangers don’t have a prayer as the Penguins overwhelmed the Rangers defenders with their speed and skill. Many people (I included) thought the Rangers d could handle the Penguins but suffice to say they could not. Marc Andre Fleury benefited greatly from his team's overall defensive play. He didn't face very many high scoring chances, and stopped a lot of the Ranger shots that should have been stopped by any NHL goaltender. From someone who watched every minute of every game this series- I cannot fill one hand with the amount of times I thought to myself "What an amazng save by Fleury!" On the other hand, I was awestruck by some of the things King Henrik did to keep the Rags in games. In the end, Wins/Losses are what matter for the team overall- but the goaltending individually goes far beyond that. Lundqvist was faced with a juggernaut offense while MAF stopped what was a mostly anemic attack by the Rangers.
Sadly the 2nd best player in this series was Jaromir Jagr. The effort, determination and consistently dangerous threat he provided brought back memories of the mid-late 1990s Jaromir Jagr. It will be a damn shame if Jagr goes to
So how did the Penguins win if the rest if the two best players for the series were Rangers? The fact that the Rangers spent 60 million on Gomez/Drury and got more than little for both of them. This is not to say these guys played poorly but they just couldn’t score or get points to what we expect out of two. Moreover, the play of Nigel Dawes, Brandon Dubinsky and Marty Straka wasn’t near what we saw in the regular season and the first round. Sean Avery was also kept quiet in the series when in the previous series, he was the focal point. The lack of secondary help for Jagr and Henrik wasn’t enough to come through. The Pens got timely scoring/shifts from Malkin, Hossa, Malone, Crosby, Stall too, heck even Big Georges Laraque.
Turning point of the series: Ryan Hollweg’s check from behind on Petr Sykora. Rangers would have likely won Game 3 had this bone head not forgotten the rules of the game. Sure you want guys to come and play physical but hitting someone from behind is not the answer.
Regardless, Ranger fans should be excited of the future. The pipeline is deep and the youth of the team will only get better. Not to mention having the best goaltender in the game is sure to also help. Pens and Rags will see each other in playoffs to come.
So, this is the shitty series this round. I mean, there will be some good games, I'm sure, but I doubt anyone will watch them what with the 3 other series having compelling story lines and stars that people care about. Dwight Howard should be one of the top stars in the league, but when was the last time someone at work said, "OH SHIT, you see my man Dwight Howard last night?!". Probably never, right? Even with general conversations about who is good in the NBA, like 9-10 other stars get mentioned before someone remembers Howard. Its probably more the product of playing in the media and cultural (and in every other way) backwater of Orlando than anything else. He certainly proved again in the first round that he can do amazing things, but hes never gonna get the credit he deserves until either Orlando takes it to the next level as a team or he gets his ass outta Dodge. Not like it matters right now, since Howard looks hurt and the Pistons found a strategy to neutralize him. That leaves Orlando with their 3pt game and not much else. The Pistons are a bunch of old bags, but they know how to win...at least a few of them still do. Even though Ive always liked Rip Hamilton from his days with the Bullets and Chauncey Billups is still the man, I just can't root for this team, my hatred of the state of Michigan prevents it. That said, they are probably gonna win. There you go loyal SUS reader, a preview for the Pistons-Magic series that took more time to read than you will actually spend watching the series. Pistons in...lets say 6(Im wary after the Celtics let me down).
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Now, this isn’t a Price bashing post, not even close. But it just goes to show what many fans and analysts said at the trade deadline when Canadiens GM Bob Gainey traded away starter Cristobol Huet for a second round pick because he was afraid to lose him for nothing in free agency: it’s a big mistake. Gainey said he had the utmost confidence in Price to get the job done, which obviously wasn't the case. Gainey is now getting a ton of flak for this and rightfully so.
Since not everyone is a hockey fan, let me give you a bit of a rundown. Huet is a starting goalie due to be an unrestricted free agent so he can sign with any team this summer. Price is the Canadien’s goalie of the future and played well this year. Instead of losing Huet for nothing as it was certain he was going to be let go, Gainey instead dealt him for a measly second round pick when most starting goalies go for at least a first rounder. So not only did they deal him away, they dealt him for close to nothing.
But that’s not it. See, the Canadiens finished first overall in the Eastern Conference. Now, if you're a team on the bubble, I can see making this deal. If you’re out of the playoffs, I agree with it. But when your team is first in the conference and you have a legitimate shot at winning the championship, YOU DO NOT TRADE YOUR EXPERIENCED GOALIE AND GO WITH A 20 YEAR OLD ROOKIE IN THE PLAYOFFS! It’s just mind boggling to me that a GM would do this. At that moment you put all the pressure on the rookie goalie to carry the team, which of course is going to get to him and the Canadien’s coach even said publicly the goalie was rattled.
So what happened when Price faltered? The Canadiens lost. They went with their backup in game four who while he faired better, wasn't good enough to turn things around, meaning they were out of options. And what did Huet do? Well he was able to give the Washington Capitals a legitimate shot at winning their first round series, but alas the team was just too weak and inexperienced to do so. That and the Flyers discovered if you shut out Alex Ovechkin the team was a sitting duck cause he was the team. When Price faltered the Canadiens would have loved to have Huet for that round.
Now, it’s no guarantee that Huet would have won them anything, or even played well. But it wouldn’t have put the pressure on Price to carry the team. This isn’t some megastar forward like Crosby or Ovechkin, it’s the goalie, and in hockey if your goalie isn’t good, you aren’t winning. Period.
So let this be a lesson to everyone. If you have a legitimate shot at winning the championship and you are guaranteed to be in the playoffs, you do not trade an important cog because you are afraid of losing the player for nothing during free agency. The Canadiens are gone, and had they Huet to lean on, at the very least they wouldn’t have been so embarrassed during their final series.
I know the Yankees have nothing resembling a power hitter outside of Abreu, Matsui, and Giambi right now, and you generally want a power hitter to hit 5th. But what has Jason Giambi done over the last few seasons, other than get with the above hottie to make anyone think that he's going to start hitting anything close to what is needed out of a #5 hitter?
Does anyone even remember what a Jason Giambi hot streak looks like? I feel like Michael in The Wire, when Dukie reminisces with him about the water balloon incident, but Michael is unable to remember anything positive about his childhood. My guess is that a Giambi hot streak would be something like a 15-20 game streak of .290 and 10-12 hrs. Don't get me wrong, those are some solid numbers. But as far as hot streaks out of your #5 hitter go, a team with a $200 million payroll can't be having that as its ceiling.
There's a big, burning lower case 't' on your front lawn, Giambi. "T"ime to leave. Douchebag.
As for the Wire clip, it's at 1:02 of the video below:
But more importantly, what qualifies as a badass music clip? Well, if you survey the troops of SUS, it could be anything from Slipknot to Rancid to If Not Then So (who?) to James Taylor with some hip hop and a lot of 90's rock in between. But as commander-in-chief of this show, let's just assume that we're going to mostly show clips of The Who, The Clash, and Pearl Jam, THE THREE GREATEST BANDS OF ALL TIME.
Let's start it off with a clip from The Who circa 1970's. Baba O'Riley. Rock.
I don't know, nor do I care how much cocaine is in Pete Townshend's system in this clip.
So while my much publicized Mavs vs Hornets guffaw was nothing to boast of, I did nail the other two series picking the Magic in 5 and Jazz in 6. Therefore I am the greatest prognosticator ever by far. Okay that's not true at all. Anyway before I ramble too much, here are my picks for 2 of the series next round.
Boston Celtics vs. Cleveland Cavaliers- If you think I am already pronouncing the Celtics the winner in order to jinx their chances tomorrow afternoon in their game 7 vs the Hawks, then you obviously know me too well. Still, this is likely going to happen so here it goes.... If I may become the Sean Sailsbury (Sean want to work for us? If you ask nicely, you'll receive the vaunted SUS healthcare coverage.) of the NBA for a moment, "Celtics, hell of a big three they got there, the most impressive top 3 in the league". The Green's only weakness, as has been exposed in this series vs Atlanta, is the age of said big 3. While they have two excellent young talents in Glen "Big Baby" Davis and Rajon Rondo, the age of their big 3 has given the upstart Hawks a chance to run them out of the gym in the three games in hotlanta. The good news for the C's however is when they win Sunday (oops there I go again) they will take on a fairly old Cavs team in the next round. Yea Lebron is the best player under 26 in the league by leaps and bounds but his supporting cast is not young. Ben Wallace, Big Z and Long Island's own Wally Szerbiack (is there any team with harder to spell players than this one?) are all on the wrong side of the NBA's age curve. All of the match up advantages Atlanta had against Boston in round 1 will disappear against the older Cavs. (Editors note: except for Lebron vs whoever's on him, no?) Therefore, as great as Lebron is, he won't be able to guide his club past the big 3. Celts in 6
Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Lakers- Whenever I think of the Jazz, I think of the great line in the movie "Baseketball" when the narrator says, "and the Jazz moved to Utah where they don't allow music." Great stuff. Anyway, the Lakers are the best team west of San Antonio. For that matter, they're better than any team east of San Antonio. Let's just call them the league's 2nd best team. Kobe is a a title without Shaq away from being fairly compared to Jordan. Gasol, as has been discussed elsewhere in this blog, is a perfect 2nd option on a great team and Queens' own Lamar Odom has the perfect Pippen-like versatility to be the third segment of the triangle offense. He is not on Pippen's hall of fame level as a defender, or player in general, but his passing, rebounding, scoring and ball handling abilities make him a great fit for this club as its third option. (Note: Pippen was the second option in Chicago. Odom is better than any 3rd option that MJ ever had, with all due respect to the jumpshot of Dennis Rodman.)
If Tim Duncan is the big fundamental as an individual player, then the Jazz as a team can be given that moniker. They can shoot, they can pass, they play great team ball and are extremely well coached. They have the next Stockton to Malone in Deron and Boozer, and this combo should last for the next 10 years. AK-47 is a phenomenal defender and Mehmet Okur, although the franchise player of the all-pussy team, is a deadly outside shooter as is Kyle Korver. I'm going to give the Jazz 3 games in this series but I just think this is Kobe's year. Great players play great in big games. You can't measure the heart of a champion. Chicks Dig Scars. Okay that last quote was just from the Replacements and the other two were just throwing in cliches for fun. But you get the point; Kobe is good enough to win the title by himself and he has plenty of help. So he's got that going for him too, which is nice. Lakers in 7