Saturday, January 3, 2009

I Never Thought it would be LESS Embarressing to Fight Back

You know, when you see one player start fighting with another and the one turtles or just wont fight back cause he's a pacifist or whatever, they get chastised for it. But honestly, I'd never thought I'd see the day where someone actually would have been better off if they just stood there and took it.

You Tube video says it all. Way to go Alexander Semin...

P.S. Sorry for bumping your post down BH, but I had to post this.

The Brooklyn Hillbilly's New Years Resolution: To Predict His Way To A Steelers Super Bowl

Prop Joe has a proposition for you, take the Dolphins at +5.

Baltimore at Miami(+3.5, 37.5)

Well, everyone is talking about this game like it already happened. I'm here to give the loyal oppositions case for Miami. Whatever there is of it. I dont need to lie to you people. This should be a dominating performance by the Ravens D, but let me talk about the Dolphins.

How can you be the Comeback Player of the Year twice in 3 years? Isn't that just called having a bad year? Im really perturbed by this. Id say the whole Dolphins team deserves this more than a single player. I just get the feeling that they didnt know who to give this award to and some asshat felt sorry for Pennington because he got a bunch of bad press in New York this year and convinced his girlfriends in the national football press to stick it to Favre. Not that there is anything wrong with beating up on Favre, seems like its the national pastime these days. Nice to see Mangina getting some good press though, hopefully Cleveland will throw a bunch of $ at him to get his stare off into space on TV during biannual beatdowns by the Steelers. But I digress. Seems like Pennington has gotten the good end of the media stick lately, but I have a feeling that ends Sunday.

As is pointed out ad nauseum, Baltimore's weakness on D is at corner, where they can be beat deep. But mostly what I remember hearing from Jets fans for the past god knows how many years is how Pennington cant throw downfield for shit. This may be a major issue for the Dolphins. The wildcat wont work for more than 1-2 plays, and those will be of minimal importance. Ronnie and Ricky will have a hard time finding space. Look, nothing would make me happier than the Steelers hosting the Dolpins next Sunday, but man, Id say theres maybe a 11-16% chance of that happening. I hate to say it, but the Ravens are one of the top 3, if not top overall, teams in the playoffs. They really have everything. I lose sleep with visions of Le'ron McClain cutting through Pittsburghs D while Trevor Pryce drives Big Bens head into the ground as Ed Reed plucks the ball out of the air. Ive never seen the Ravens look this good. All that being said, Joe Flacco is still a rookie, and as Matty Ice proves, you will falter at some point as a rookie QB in the playoffs. I just hope to god its in this game, so I dont have to hope he will in the AFC Championship Game in Pittsburgh on January 18. God speed you Miami Dolphins, and do the lords work. Evil and the Ravens win 17-7.

But McNulty says you are fucked no matter how many points you get.

The other games:
Atlanta at Arizona- I actually sought out a bookie last night to lay money on the Cards. Too bad I didnt find one.

Indy at San Diego- MVPs win tough playoff games. CIPs(conveniently injured players) always seem to find an excuse to sit on the sidelines when the going gets rough. Indy wins 24-14.

Philly at Minny- This was the other game I wanted to bet. AP can beat a team that only scored 3 points on the Redskins 2 weeks ago. Minny wins 28-21.



It's the battle of the ugliest uniforms vs the coolest uniforms of the NFL (my personal opinion). Seriously, all gay jokes aside for my color display of this matchup, are there any teams playing better football than these two going into the playoffs? Indy, led by their face of the NFL MVP Peyton "Soon to be the next John Madden" Manning have won 9 games in a row! And four weeks ago San Diego was 4-8 and practically eliminated from the playoffs. But yet here they're, battling once again for a chance at Superbowl Glory.
Injuries will play a huge part for the outcome of this game. Colts are going to be without 2 of their starting lineman as well as starting middle linebacker and Rutgers Alum Gary Brackett. Chargers just reported Tomlinson has a torn tendon in his knee but he expects to play. Yea right, it'll just be like the last 2 seasons, he'll run the ball 4-5 times and eventually he'll sit and cry like a baby. I bet the Chargers front office are really kicking themselves they didn't keep Turner now. Is it safe to say that L.T. is on the decline? I think so.

There's a reason why he was named MVP. Without him this team is just as bad as the Jets (Shmuck sheds a tear). Even without 2 of his starting lineman, Manning will be going up against the worst pass rush and pass defense in the league. It's amazing how one player, Shawn "I like Steroids" Merriman can make a difference to a defense. Both teams are going to score a lot of points but it comes down to who do you want to have the ball with less than 2 minutes in the 4th quarter and down by 4. I choose Favr....I mean Manning.

Colts 37, Chargers 31

Other Picks because your mom loves sloppy seconds:

Atlanta Falcons (-2) vs. Arizona Cardinals

Cardinals better hope Anquan Boldin plays. That's all I have to say.

Cardinals 29, Falcons 24

Baltimore Ravens (-3) vs. Miami Dolphins

Baltimore is too good on defense to let the Wildcat offense run all over them. Pennington won't overthrow Ed Reed, he will throw right to him

Ravens 27, Dolphins 13

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) vs. Minnesota Vikings

If Eagles stop Peterson, they stop the Vikings. McNabb will fuck up next week when they travel to the Meadowlands to play the Giants.

Eagles 27, Vikings, 16

Friday, January 2, 2009

Reasons for an otherwise bored Giants fan to root for or against every NFL team this football weekend



For: Rookie quarterback, meet the Spags defense, with two weeks of preparation to boot. The Giants will spot you an 80 yard Michael Turner touchdown so long as Matty Ice promises to act his age and spread the turnovers around.
Against: What if Matt Ryan pulls a Dan Marino and really is the next great thing? What if he and fantasy-RB-of-the-year Michael Turner run roughshod over a Giants defense that hasn't shown its dominance in a few weeks?

Kurt Warner needs 75 degree weather, no wind, low humidity, and nothing but brown M&Ms in the pre-game candy jar in order to have a good game. Good luck getting the Giants locker room kids to sort out the pre-game candy jar for ya. Oh, and it may not be 75 degrees in January in East Rutherford.
Against: Um, overconfident and looking ahead to the NFC Championship game? That's all I got for negatives.

Yeah, the Giants lost to them once at home, big deal. You think this coaching staff is going to let that happen again? The biggest problem for Philly-they showed how to attack this team. Spags & Co. will do everything in their power to plug the holes that previously existed. Oh, and Antonio Pierce is apparently learning how to play with an indictment hanging over his head. Dude's a total professional.
Against: You mean besides the fact that they're basically the only team still playing who has beaten the Giants? How about the fact that Westbrook is healthy and that McNabb is starting to get his mojo back? I'm trading in my McNabb jersey from last week for a Peterson jersey this weekend.

Remember that loss the Giants suffered last week? Well 1) it was in Minnesota, 2) the weather was 72 without wind, and 3) the Vikings barely won, narrowly beating Big Blue's second team by a field goal. Oh, and if Minnesota beats Philly, the Giants avoid one of two teams in the NFC with a reasonable chance of beating a well prepared Giants team.
Against: A loss is a loss, and the Vikings starters have clearly shown the ability to outplay the Giants second team. So if Pierce, Tuck, Kiwanuka, Robbins, Cofield, Webster, and Ross are all out, look out Big Blue Nation! Call me crazy, but I give Tavaris & Co. a slight edge over Tollefson, Wynn, Kehl, Goff, and a McQuarters-led secondary.


San Diego
Norv Turner in a Super Bowl, Norv Turner in a Super Bowl, and last but not least, Norv Turner trying to coach his team to a Super Bowl victory.
Against: Philip Rivers is an absolute douche. Not only don't I want the obnoxious media buildup of Manning vs. Rivers, I really don't want Rivers to come close to having a leg up on Manning. Ever. Next issue.

Remember how whenever the Williams sisters faced each other, talent always went out the window and the winner was always the sister who sucked less because both of them hated playing against each other? Well hopefully the same thing will happen between Eli and Peyton. And I'd take our running game and defense over the under performing Addai and Bob Sanders-reliant defense.
Against: NFW I wouldn't (want to) head to Europe for the two weeks before this game simply to avoid all the Manning love. Seriously, if I knew going in that the Giants would lose the game, I'd probably rather send Carolina to Tampa just to avoid said Manning love.

A Super Bowl XXXV rematch might be the best way to turn BH and Mahatma into diehard Eli fans. And frankly, I want to see Ray Lewis make excuses for why THE GREATEST RUN DEFENSE OF ALL TIME got served twice in the same season by the same 270 lb. Super Bowl MVP.
Against: Remember Super Bowl XXXV? The only reason I didn't care about that loss was because the Giants were lucky to be in the Super Bowl that year. This year? Not so much. It would be awful. Almost as bad as being a Steelers fan and seeing the Ravens beat them two weeks previous in the AFC Championship game.

I refuse to believe Chad Pennington wins a Super Bowl. I don't even want to devote any more time to this. It's a waste of time.
Against: You know what sucks? Having family in South Florida rub in the '03 World Series every time I go down to visit. Now here's my question: how much would they rub it in if South Florida defeated New York in a sport that Floridians actually cared about? This ranks up there with a Palestinian takeover of Jerusalem or New Jersey on a list of things I refuse to acknowledge even potentially occurring. Ever.

Oh, and my actual picks:
Atlanta (-2.5) over ARIZONA 41-24
SAN DIEGO (+1) over Indy 17-16
MIAMI (+3) covers but loses to Baltimore 13-12
Philly (-3) over MINNESOTA 27-10

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Mahatma's Playoff Pick Brought to you by Jack Daniels

Atlanta Falcons (-2) @ Arizona Cardinals

The first game of the playoffs features the feel good hit story of the winter, The Atlanta Falcons facing the perennial losers no more, Arizona.

The Falcons are a unique team. How can a rookie QB perform this well
without choking? Well a very good o-line and running attack help and Roddy White is among the top 5 at his position this year. Ryan doesn't need to do too much and he reaps the accolades. But this is Turner's club and the Cards D doesn't have the nuts to stop him.

Arizona is mistifying. One week they look like a Superbowl team and than the next week they get shredded. They are one dimensional unit with the worst run blocking line this side of the confluence. Falcons D can get taken rocked in the pass but the Falcons have a good enough pass rush to get to Captain Kurt. The Cardinals were great at home but than they got blown out by the Vikes. The Falcons aren't great on the road but it won't matter this week.

Hey UPS Guy What say you?
Thanks for nothing you asshat.

Maybe Al Borland can help us out.

I don't think so Tim (Hightower)

Good answer!

Atlanta Falcons - 35
Arizona Cardinals - 28

Other picks because apparently we have to. This is supposed to be the Winter of Mahatma!

Indianapolis Colts (-1) @ San Diego Chargers

San Diego has owned Indy until this year where the Colts squeeked out a win against a Charger squad that didn't find their leg yet. They have now.

San Diego: 27
Indianapolis: 24

Baltimore Ravens (-3) @ Miami Dolphins

Miami has some guts and the ability to manufacture shit out of nothing. Sadly, this is the end of the line for Sparano and co but a tremendous first season regardless but this is just a horrendous matchup for them.

Baltimore: 27
Miami: 13

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) @ Minnesota Vikings

Vikings can't defend the pass and Eagles would pass if they could. Minnesota can't beat these Eagles corners with their passing attack either. The Vikes must gash the Iggles with the run to give Jackson a fighting chance.

Philadelphia: 33
Minnesota: 9

Whiteboy picks the playoffs: SUS Playoff Challenge begins!!

Philadelphia Iggles (-2) at Minnesota Petersons- These two teams have arrived at this playoff matchup in decidedly different ways. Philly, save a putrid offensive showing against the Skins in week 16, has been playing brilliant ball since its tie against Cincy going 4-1 over that span. Donovan is throwing it well to Baskett and Jackson and Westbrook is finally being used as a real running back and not purely as a checkdown option in the passing game. Minnesota looks like garbage. The Giant's 2nd team offense was shreading its 1st team defense for most of the 2nd half and only lost because New York put in its third string defense; in other words, if that was a playoff game you would be seeing Corey "Pro-Bowl Snubb" Webster on Bernard Berrian and not talented but green under the ears CB Terell Thomas. Minnesota also got rocked by red hot Atlanta in its own building a week prior. I will be rooting hard for the purple and white because I don't want to face Philly again but I just don't see it happening. THE PICK :EAGLES 24-13

Other games

Indianapolis Colts (-1) over the Sandiego Super Chargers (28-20)

Atlanta Falcons (-1) over the Arizona WR's (24-21)

Batlimore Ravens (-3) over Miami "hanging" Chads (20-3)

Angry White (hungover) College Football Hater

Is everybody familiar with the phrase that we as sports fans "root for laundry"? It's usually brought up in a condescending manner such as "With the Yankees signing everyone that used to beat them, you're not rooting for a team, you're not rooting for players, you're simply rooting for laundry." The implication, of course, is that fans show no loyalty to players but only to the uniform; that fans are willing to root for hired guns even as fans don't feel the same attachment to players that they had in the "good ol' days"where players were treated as glorified indentured servants.

Even if that phrase is somewhat accurate, I've always hated it. It cheapens my love of sports and more specifically, my love of my teams that I live and die by for a few hours on a given night. But what annoys me more is that the people who usually talk about the 'rooting for laundry' argument are those who think that pro sports is corrupt and that college sports is the only place for pure, unadulterated sports action. I could go off on a jihad about how college sports is amazingly corrupt, but Blogger only gives us so much space.

No, what bothers me is when these same people who wax poetic about the purity of college football say that watching pro ball is like rooting for laundry. Really? What about the fact that you, dear college football fan, are rooting for a guy for 2-3 years years before the player goes off to greener pastures? How are you rooting for anything more than laundry? How have you been rooting for anything more than laundry since the beginning of your college football fandom?

Hey college football fan, get off your high (trojan?) horse. You're not God. There can't be two of us.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Top 9 NY/NJ Professional Teams of 2008


Good See: Tyree, David. And this.

Bad Um, they lost two in a row recently. And there was about 12.5 days this year in which I wanted Coughlin and Eli off the team. And it was cold at the stadium the last two games.

Because when every other team embarasses themselves something awful, someone has to do well, right?


Good: One of two local teams to meet or surpass expectations this year finishing the ’07-’08 season as arguably the second best team in the East, a few “interesting” calls away from truly battling the Pens.

Bad: They’re the second best team in the East this year, but they also have about 4-5 games in hand on the Devils and Flyers with few points separating them. The main bullet point here is that they should be a 4th or 5th seed by the time the season ends, and may even be the 4th best team in the Atlantic Division.


Good: Probably the best of the 5 NBA/NHL local teams right now. Setting themselves up for a deep playoff run in ’09 with Parise playing at Hart Trophy levels and Elias returning to his old form. With Brodeur coming back in March, he should be well rested for the first time in about 14 years heading into the playoffs.

Bad: You mean besides losing their Hall of Fame Goaltender for most of the season? Besides losing their entire free agency class for a few months in a year when the Devils have a rare positive offseason? How about bowing out of the playoffs embarrassingly quickly to the Rangers and Judas Gomez? Yeah, that’s bad.


Good: They have a team that at the very least is fun to root for and showcases some young talent in all-star Devo Harris, Brook Lopez, and the fundamentally awful-but-improving Yi Jianlan. Even Vince Carter’s face doesn’t make me change the channel anymore.

Bad: This team is still probably no better than a 7 seed and will only see the 2nd round if Devo outplays Lebron. They’ll also only make the playoffs if they learn to win at home. Who knew the friendly confines of the Izod Center wouldn’t constitute a decisive home court advantage? And the Nets are clearing cap space for the 2010 run of free agents, but with the team more likely to be playing in East Rutherford or Newark than Brooklyn, why would any franchise-changing free agent want to play here?



Good: Over the past year, they obtained the best starter in the game, a record-setting reliever, and a second legitimate closer. Had a much better (or less gluttonous) off-season than their Bronx counterparts, addressing actual needs and not becoming the face of everything wrong with baseball. On a scale of 1-10, their GM ranks at least 4 points less clueless than the Cash Man.

Bad: Said starter was the only player who showed up in September. The reason they got both relievers is the fact that this bullpen took 5 years off of MissMet’s life. Their collapse would have been much more historic if fans had not witnessed the same thing the previous year.


Good: Stripping the team of all its talent so that in 20 months, Lebron, Bosh, and Steve Nash can be Knicks. Seriously, that's as close as I can come to finding a positive.

Bad: See Good. Also, the sad truth is that this team is playing better with filler players than when they had actual players last year. The team has been so bad recently that this current incarnation of players has fans thinking, eh, what’s 20 months? And on a personal note, thanks to Donnie Walsh, Mike D’Antoni, and the Detroit Lions, they’re in danger of not being the most embarrassing organization in professional sports, ending a fantastic era in this blogger’s mind.


Good: For about 5 minutes before the media overhyped it, the Brett Favre trade was really cool. Just like I had two weeks in which I wanted Eli and Coughlin out of New York, there were two weeks in which I thought the Jets were Tampa-bound. At least this team did the right thing very quickly and got rid of Mangini.

Bad: This team took more years off of SHMUCK’s life than the Mets took from MissMet. Brett Favre is old, Eric Mangini sucked, Vernon Gholston hasn’t shown anything yet, and this team made enough free agent signings that they’re built for now. Except that they’re not winning, and had it not been for Dick Jauron’s idiocy, they wouldn’t have won since before Thanksgiving. The Knicks are ranked higher because they have a better future than the Jets. The only thing weirder than writing that last sentence is being 72% sure that it is accurate.


Good: Say what you want about the Yankees, but a) but for the D-Rays, they probably would have made the playoffs, b) they got the best free agent arms available in C.C. and Burnett, and c) they made the right move, picking a 28 year old Gold Glove lefty power hitter over a player who, like the rest of America, goes on vacation every August.

Bad: Where to begin…Ok, how about that they could have had the best pitcher in the game in exchange for a 4th outfielder, Mark Prior 2K8, and a POTENTIAL 6th starter who is hated by his teammates more than Carl Pavano. Or that they missed the playoffs for the first time since I was in middle school. But for my money, the problem is that this team is so rudderless right now, spending money like a drunken sailor at very imperfect players who have tons of flaws. When you’re the Yankees, you’re impervious to the troubled economy, but it’s still embarrassing to watch them bid against themselves for C.C., Burnett, and Texiera. This team still has loads of talent but is becoming an embarrassment to justify.

Howards End theory

Some have compared sports to theater, only with an unscripted ending. Howards End was some Oscar Nominated movie from 10 years ago that seemed amazingly boring and irrelevant such that I made a point of never seeing it. It seemed irrelevant and boring, and a waste of time to even think about. And now, their sports equivalent…

The New York Islanders!

Because if sports is theater, this is the type of movie in which I fall asleep ten minutes in.

SUS Recycles the Best of 2008: Mahatma Edition

We at SUS like to think of ourselves as two things: 1) lazy and 2) um, let me see....ah hell, we're really just lazy. As such, we're taking the Christmas to New Years period to show our new readers what they may have missed over the last year in a segment we like to call SUS RECYCLES THE BEST OF 2008.

There are very few things that Mahatma and I agree with in this life, but when Mahatma claims to be a Sports Douchebag, well two of the better blogging minds of the 21st Century finally unite on an idea. Without further ado, let's let Mahatma tell us why he's a Sports Douchebag, from November 20:

I Support the Pirates.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me. THey are the worst team in all of sports with no hope in sight. Every year it's the same thing. Can we please stop these Derek Bell-type signings of guys who were good 4 years ago? Bullshit. I go home once in a blue moon and when I do, I usually try to catch a Pirate game. I wear my dumb Pirate hat to support the team despite some idiot giving me crap for it.

I have a couple player t-shirts hidden in the depths of my dresser.

I watch them when they are on TV and even go to a handfull of games here in NY.

I waste time on message boards and blogs getting updates.

I buy the hype that they will improve.

I don't know why I do these things but they gave me my first sports memories (and my first sports heartbreak) so I'll always have a soft spot in my heart. But on the other hand, they haven't been .500 in 16 years!

Enough is enough, you Indian douchebag.

I hate 90% of the players on my teams.
I'm an asshole because I loathe 90% of the players on the Penguins and the Steelers. (and probably about 99% of the Pirates) Whether it be Rob Suckderi's lack of anything, Tyrone Carter's lack of speed, Kendoll Simmons' lack of talent, Larry Foote's missed tackkles, I'm the 'I want this mofo off my team' guy. When a player continues to display scrubdom, I point it out. Sure, I know they are better than me and more athletic but I can still hate them and voice my displeasure.

I even hate my teams' legends.
Jerome Bettis?

Bill Cowhard?
Stubborn, predictable, and lacking strategy in every walk of life.

Michel Therrien?
Hockey version of Bill Cowhard.

Joey Porter?

Alan Faneca?

Call me an elitist, but I like to hype the players that deserve it. (See Joey Porter '01-03/Faneca '00-'04). I extend this crap to other teams when I hear about Carson "3rd best QB in the NFL" Palmer or Tony "Young Favre" Romo. I'm all for giving players their props when they deserve it, but not when they luck into crap. Nor when their skills decline to horrendous levels. Granted, there are some exceptions that even I can't attempt to defecate upon: Mario, Bradshaw (Terry or Ahmad?) Jagr, Woodson, Lloyd, etc..

I wish injuries upon MY OWN TEAM'S players.
Look, have you seen Ian Moran, Rico Fata, Kendoll Simmons, Sean Mahan, Larry Foote, Burnt Alexander, Tyrone Carter, Lee Mays, or Michel Ouellette play for more than two years? They were/are awful. But for whatever reason, they saw/see playing time. So sometimes even I have to root for my team's players to get injured, but only for the team's greater good. And yes, I know I have no soul.


I'm easily the most superstitious person around to an almost douchebaggy degree. If we win in whatever outfit I am wearing, you can rest assured that said outfit is being worn no matter how much it smells like whiskey, cigarette, and nachos. Sure, there are some limitations to this, mostly relating to socks and boxers, but everything else is fair game. And when we lose, you better believe that those clothes are the first thing going into the laundry bin. But I do even dumber things, including but not limited to:

-standing in the same place we scored the last point (See Stanley Cup Game 5) without moving
-sitting at the same chair/table
-routinely alternating my hat between backwards, sideways, front, rally, as if I control the universe.
-ordering the same meal if we win, even if it makes me sick (kielbasa)
-banning friends from watching games because we lose in their presence (Ask Devo if he's allowed to watch Steeler games with BH, me, and the rest of Steeler nation)
-I can't DVR my teams' games anymore because we lose every game I DVR-basically I'm spending $10/month recording Criminal Minds.

Who does all that? This sports douchebag, that's who.

Blowing off the non-sports friends.
Um, yeah, sorry, but if my team is playing when you have an event or want to hang out, I will likely decline or show up fashionably drunk. Sorry, but my team is on! It's not that bad I guess, it's not like I'm blowing off people for Counterstrike practice...

I'm physically bothered by losses.
We've had talks about this amongst ourselves behind the blogging scenes, but a majority of the writers here take losses very hard. Some have different outlets, including

-hitting things (see Boy, White)
-throwing things (see Boy, White)
-punching things (see Boy, White)
-pointing out that Eric Lindros was a failure during Eagles games (see Dev0)
-offending the bartender after a loss by confusing their gender (a certain outer borough from the Confederate territory)

I fall into the "hey, let's go to the 5 shots for $10 place" after some big losses. There was a time when I didn't even drink during sporting evenst. I guess it all changed for thee worse during Steelers/Ravens, '06. 9 Ratbird sacks and a 27-0 loss later, I began my Sunday whiskey consumption.

Growing up, I didn't care THAT much. I was up and down with losses, but I'm pretty fuckin far away from that level now. Maybe it's that I want a Super Bowl and/or a Stanley Cup every season, except that it only happens in video games. Perhaps my Madden mastery has spoiled me?

I talked to an old school Stiller fan one day at a bar in Pittsburgh during a bad losing streak during '05. He kept telling me to keep the games and seasons in perspective. He said something along the lines of this: 'A story is being told, and that story isn't over after the game or after the season. It carries on each year throughout your lifetime. In the end, you should just want to be entertained for a few hours per week."

Imagine if we HADN'T won the Super Bowl that year? My god I'm one big bag of douche.


40 Years of Misery

Lets be honest, we all saw this coming. I even called it just as the season started (jokingly at the time) when I was debating it with my father, “Chad Pennington is going to hurt us the last game of the season, and I know it, just watch.” And low and behold he did. You know what? I'm happy for the guy. Hell if anyone hurt the Jets season it was Brett Favre, especially during these last few weeks. But Pennington is a class-act type of guy. He will take the Dolphins or whichever team he's on to the playoffs, quite a few times, but he will never take them to the superbowl. He's just a playoff hopeful quarterback. That's all he'll ever be. Who else has won the "Comeback Player of the Year Award" twice? No franchise quarterback has that's for sure.
Thanks to some early christmas gifts (grandpa doesn't know when Christmas really is anymore, nor does he know my name) I was able to purchase a ticket and attend the game last Sunday. I was kind of pumped because it was my first (and last) Jet game of the season. And it wasn't a shocker that there was more Dolphin fans than Jet fans, I kind of expected it. I could see the doubt on everyone's faces. Jet fans deep down knew what was going to be the outcome of the game. The excitement, the enthusiasm, it just wasn’t there. Oh and um word to the wise, next season if you plan on attending any Giant or Jets games, spend the extra money for a parking pass. Until construction of the new stadium is complete parking at the meadowlands is very limited. Meaning you are going to pay $25 over on Rte 120 (behind the strip club) and they will shuttle you over to the stadium. The lines waiting for the shuttles were longer than the lines at Great Adventure (sucked to be them).

11:00am - We arrive at parking lot 18E and start tailgating. I was kind of glad it was 60 degrees out and I didn't freeze.

11:30am - Saw my first Pennington dolphins Jersey. The girl wearing it was really hot but the fact she was wearing clothing was very disappointing.

11:47am - Meet up with colleagues from work and got my tickets, section 104 row 4.

1:14pm - Our tailgate team brought a TV, we hook it up to a battery and start watching the Pats game.

2:25pm - I'm drunk and full

2:48pm - I hate the Bills. Their clock management at the end of the first half was Herm Edwards honorable. How does Dick Jauron still have a job?

3:30pm - I needed to take a shit

3:45pm - We start heading in

4:00pm - We sat with a bunch of kids from Verona, N.J. They all went to school with Anthony Fasano, one of Jersey's hometown boys; that's how we got our tickets. Apparently Verona played Summit in high school football...they probably kicked our ass. Also you know it's going to be a bad game when Dolphin fans have better seats then you do.

4:33pm - They announce the Ravens Jaguars score and the stadium arrupts.

By now I'm not aware nor do I care what time it is, I only remembered certain events....

- Fight #1 - Some kid and some dolphin fan start shooting off words to one another; the Jet fan looked like Anthony Soprano (before he became a little bitch) and the Dolphin fan looked like Keanu Reeves....I was hoping they'd throw both of them out just on looks alone.

- Jets actually muster up a decent scoring drive 7-0. It seems this season Cotchery shows up for like 5 minutes every game and makes some plays. Definitely not the player he was last season. How dramatic, the Jets miss the extra point, bet they lose by won now too.

- Fight #2 - Fists are thrown, now this game is getting really interesting!

- Fight #3 - Anthony Soprano gets thrown out!! Apparently the swat team was needed. Section 104 RULES!

- Dolphins drive the length of the field and tie the game. Dwight Lowery (no relation to Mike Loooweerry) covering Ted Ginn Jr. on the play, mistimed the jump. I hate you

- My buddy next to me informs me the Ravens have taken the lead 17-7. What the f*ck?!?! It was like 7-3 five minutes ago. I spilled half my beer...there goes $4.

- Favre’s best screen pass goes right to a defensive lineman and it’s returned for a TD. Torn bicep or not, Chad could of made that throw, 14-6.

- I’m pretty hammered. Next to me sat a little cute brunette, I’ll get back to her later.

- Halftime-pee break

- The Jets Flight Crew needs more revealing clothes. They still looked good in those pilot jumpers but I don’t care how cold it is….see-thru leg warmers!!

- So one of the Verona girls behind me is wasted and she’s taking lots of pictures. All of a sudden she takes my wool hat off my head because she wants a picture of her wearing a Jets hat. Now, I have the worst hat hair known to man (It looks worse than morning wake up hair after having sex all night) so I’m kind of embarrassed. I pull my hoodie over my head and the cute brunette apologizes on her friend’s behalf and starts patting my shoulder and arm. Any straight man out there will tell you that that is an open invitation for you to talk to her. She asks me if “I’m ok” and apologizes again now rubbing my back and giving my hat back. What the hell is wrong with me!?!? Make a MOVE!

Mickey: What the hells the matter kid?
Shmuck: I don’t know
Mickey: You're a bum, Shmuck. You're a bum
Shmuck: What should I do? What should I say?

Mickey: You’re gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!
Shmuck: wtf?

Mickey: Women weaken legs
Shmuck: is that why I’m sitting down?

Mickey: Shutup and Get in There!
Shmuck: You’re Right!

I turn to the girl and now she’s sitting back in the row with her obnoxious friend who took my hat (by the way…she’s busted). She looked at me but I didn’t say anything. I hear her busted friend muster “is he cute?” So they tap on my shoulder and at that exact point Leon Washington scores and I stood up and cheered totally ignoring any advances both girls were making.

: Down! Down! Stay Down! You Bum

So yea, I’m a bum and I didn’t talk to either girl for the rest of the game, especially because after that Pennington and company took over.

- Next drive Pennington throws (under throws) as far as he could to Ted Ginn Jr. for 44 yards. Ah yes the floater, I can’t recall how many times it worked while he was a Jet but I can bet you he had more interceptions than positive yardage as a result.
- And just like that he throws a touchdown pass in the corner of the endzone to Fasano. Our section goes nuts. All of a sudden Fasano comes our way; he knew what section we were going to be in. He throws the ball in the stands to one of his buddies. That was pretty cool.

- Fight # 4 – So Fasano’s friend, who was supposed to get the ball, didn’t. The fans in the 2nd row did and they weren’t giving up the ball, rightfully so. If I got a ball I wouldn't give it up either; alright maybe to that little kid who I knocked over to obtain the ball but if theres no kids, I'm going for the ball like a meathead in a mash pit. Now security gets involved and they were nice enough to get the ball out of the fans hands and give it to Fasano’s friend/cousin, I forget what he was. The fan that got the ball taken away was pissed, yelling and cursing to the event staff personnel. Those are the last guys you want to piss off. Of course he starts pushing and shoving other people and giving us dirty looks; bye asshole!

- 4th quarter comes along and nothing is really happening, a lot of 3 and outs. Favre throwing priceless interceptions. The 3rd one was the icing on the cake. The expression on Coles’ face was like “wtf?!

- At this point the "Lets Go Dolphins" chants started to errupt. They were actually louder than the Jets and that was just sad. Please let this game end now because at least if the Jets lose then the Patriots don't make the playoffs and I'd much rather see Miami make it then those Massholes.

- Seasons over, empty the lockers and polish the golf clubs and get the hell out!

So i'm done, there's no use in crying over spilt milk. The Jets are a cursed franchise and I'll have nothing to look forward too until April when the Jets will waste their 1st round draft pick, no matter who their coach is.

Head Coach Potentials:

Cowher - I think his name only surfaced to bring hope to Jet fans. But realistically that wouldn't happen. Just remember Jet fans, Brady's back next season :::::::F*CK::::::::
Shanahan - If the Jets wanted to win now he could be the man to make it possible. The Jets can't afford to take another chance on a rookie head coach with little coaching experience

Schottenheimer - This is unless his son doesn't want the job. I hope his son doesn't want the job. His play calling was horrible.

Rex Ryan - Well, at least the 3-4 defense would be more effective. SIGN TERRELL SUGGS!

Steve Spagnuolo - There will be quite a few teams looking at him. The Giants have been blessed to have him for these last few seasons.

Bill Callahan - Currently was the Jets assistant headcoach and offensive line coach. He also coached the Raiders to the superbowl the following season after Gruden left. He's my vote currently if they can't obtain Spags.

I don't know much about college football but I don't know if it would be wise for the Jets to take any chances.

WHAT TO DO - I'm not sure what the Cap will be next year but because of Tannenbaum's shopping spree this year but I'm sure the Jets won't have much room to play with

Brett Favre - DROP/CUT/RETIRE - No one questions your toughness but when you're playing with an injury and hurting your teams chances of winning you have to be benched. F*ck your streak of most games played. Thomas Jones doesn't talk a lot but he's surely said enough these past few days to cause some controversy. Frankly it sucks to be a Jet player right now (and a fan). Maybe Coles was right? Doochebag. He's $13 million against the cap, and no penalty if the Jets drop him, if he retires the Jets don't have to pay him nothing and they also get a 7th round pick from Green Bay.

Laverneus Coles - HOLD - He's not a #1 wide receiver although he's getting paid like one. He's guaranteed $7 million so cutting him would be a waste. They still need to draft another big target for whoever the quarterback is to throw too.

David Barrett - CUT - He's declining and his $3.6 million is a waste considering he's a backup safety.

RESIGN - David Clowney, Wallace Wright.

LET GO - Eric Barton, Bubba Franks, Mike Nugent, Brad Smith
Bart Scott - LB - Ravens will more than likely resign him but he fits the middle inside linebacker nicely and is a an upgrade over Barton
Terrell Suggs - LB/DE - He's going to be looking for a huge payday and he'll probably get it. The Jets can't afford it
Albert Haynesworth - DT - Yea he won't be available but imagine him lining up next to Jenkins? That's scarier than Kevin and Pat Williams!!!
Bertrand Berry -DT/DE - Played the 3-4 well in Arizona with Calvin Pace.
Karlos Dansby - LB - A quick outside linebacker who can also play inside and help cover the TE better
Jermaine Phillips - S/CB - Eric Smith and Abram Elam don't look to be the answer next to Rhodes. Phillips would be a nice upgrade.

Monday, December 29, 2008

SUS Recyles the Best of 2008: Yinzer Edition

We at SUS like to think of ourselves as two things: 1) lazy and 2) um, let me see....ah hell, we're really just lazy. As such, we're taking the Christmas to New Years period to show our new readers what they may have missed over the last year in a segment we like to call SUS RECYCLES THE BEST OF 2008.

Yinzer, in one of his first articles on the site, described the greatest division in the world as follows:
The Atlantic division in hockey is quite possibly the greatest division in hockey. And this is not just because how good each team is. No, one of its greatest assets is that every team hates each other to some extent. Even the teams that aren’t considered rivals still have a distaste for one another. And with this distaste comes perceptions of the other teams portrayed by the fans, so you might wonder “what does the rival team really think of us?” This is what I think it would be like.

New Jersey Devils

[snore] Oh, sorry, I fell asleep again, but that’s the Devils for you. So boring is this team they are now the leading prescription sleeping aid given out in the New York/ New Jersey Area. After killing hockey in the 90’s with their defensive style, they continue to try and undo all the offense the post lockout rules have created, and are succeeding. This will be the case while Lou Lamoriello, the Devil himself (not to mention a douchebag that fires a coach that won you the division a few games before the playoffs), is the GM of the team. Damn this team! Damn them to hell!

Oh, and way to fill you’re your brand spankin’ new arena jagoffs. You have the most kick ass scoreboard and all it ever shows are empty red seats.

New York Islanders

Hello, hello, hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home? [silence ensues] Guess not. Ownership and Mike Milbury have made this franchise the butt end of most hockey jokes and rightfully so. Their old shitty arena hasn’t been filled in years, and no one really seems to care. Milbury traded away supreme talent for nothing, and owner Charles Wang is pulling antics on a regular basis, and even suggested bringing in a sumo wrestler because they are big and can clog up the net. Yet they wonder why no one wants to come to the games…

And because I can: fish sticks.

New York Rangers
They helped ruin the NHL economic landscape with their massive contracts pre-lockout, screwing basically everyone else in the league. Luckily they were idiots in that they gave it to the wrong people. They didn’t learn their lesson from before and handed out massive cap killing deals to Chris Drury and Scott Gomez in the off season. You would think they would take the hint this strategy didn’t work in the past, but alas they do not. But please, keep on doing it, it hasn’t worked yet.

And what the hell is with that fight song? It sounds like a gay owl’s mating call or something.

Philadelphia Flyers
What assholes. These cheap-shotting, dirty pricks are always looking to injure the other team more than they are to score goals. What do you expect when an inspiration to the franchise is Bobby “Sweep the Leg” Clarke? They are refilling their ranks with the likes of Steve “Aim for the Head” Downie, though amazingly traded away Ben “I’ve got Huge Balls When Your Back is Turned” Eager. They’ve injured and received as many suspensions this year than nearly the entire league combined. But hey, this is what the city is known for right? Interesting concept of brotherly love they have.

Pittsburgh Penguins
God damn pansies. They go out there every night skating circles around other teams defense trying to score fancy goals. When they don’t they whine and complain. I’m sick of these guys trying to look cool and never hitting anybody, just running away or spazzing on people. And it’s bad enough we had to deal with them landing Mario Lemieux but now they got Sidney Crosby too. WTF, do they just shit out superstars when they need them? And here’s a helpful hint when it comes to winning: you need defense to do it!

AFC East Title Town: Diary of my bar crawl in Miami for Jets/Fins (with a little boys/eagles sprinkled in)

4:49: At Finnegans on Ocean Drive. Way better atmopshere as far as pro fins compared to pro Giants in New York. No score early 2nd quarter.

4:55: Nevermind. Bar was louder when Eagles scored. Apparently I found a half Fins half Eagles bar. Oy. I wanted to root for Eagles today but these obnoxious Iggle fans are making that near impossible.

5:00 As I watch Philly and Dallas deadlocked at 3-3 , I realize that all week ESPN and other sports outlets made a big mistake in terms of indicating that Philly needed losses by Tampa and Minnesota and then and only then could it sneak in as a 6 seed with a win against Dallas. However, Minnesota won and Chicago lost and Philly still got in. So it was Chicago that Philly needed to lose not Minnesota coupled with a Tampa loss in order to sneak in. Nice job ESPN and company.

5:28 Okay Baltimore is on its way to mauling Jacksonville. Time to officially root for Fins so that Pats don't win AFC East. 14-9 Jets at half. Dolphin two touchdowns are scored within 15 seconds of each other. The second of which was another of Farve's incomprehensible interceptions thrown right into the waiting arms of a front 7 player. He has really made that into an art form this year.

5:32 Devo and I exhange text messages agreeing we want Philly to win this week and lose to Minnesota next week. Its always easier playing a team you haven't played before in playoffs if you are better club than it is playing a team you are better than who you have played twice in one season already.

5:40 Okay I can't get bartenders attention amongst the sea of orange and white jerseys so I walk along Ocean Drive to Fat Tuesday.

5:45 A guy taps me on the shoulder from behind and says hey. This completely freaks me out as I don't know anybody other than White Girl, who is taking a nap in the hotel room, in Miami right now. He tells me he is our front desk guy at the hotel. I don't recognize him because he is wearing a backwards baseball cap, t-shirt and baggy jeans. Not exactly appropriate attire for work. He still asks me if I am having a good time down here and then he moves away clearly not wanting to be amongst us nobility on his day off.

555 Much smaller crowd here but daquiris are mad strong (151!!)

600 Third Quarter begins... Please G-d don't let the Pats in the playoffs!

615 G-d damn Jets. Once Baltimore has totally pulled away from the Jags to claim the 6 seed, you start playing well. What a pointless team you are! Jets score an touchdown with two point conversion added on 17-14 Jets. An annoying and somewhat half-hearted J! E! T! S! chant is heard through the TV.

And wow, Dallas should fire Phillips on the spot. Heck, the only thing worth watching int his game anymore is seeing if Jerry will come down and coach with a headset on in his suit Landry style.

620 Ah thats the Chad Pennington I know and love. He horribly under-throws a flea flicker yet somehow the receiver (I think it was Gynn) comes back and catches in front of two Jets defenders. What a secondary!

627 Fasano td! Italians in NJ are conflicted and Fins take a 21-17 lead. Are the Jets still motivated to come back down the field and score to help out their old friend up North?

635 I hate when networks avoid telling the viewers things so that they won't turn off their TV. They wait till the 4th quarter to tell everyone that the Ravens are destroying Jacksonville and therefore the Jets season is over. Everyone who was watching probably knew anyway so not telling us yourselves just make you look like you care more about getting viewers than you do about the viewers themselves. Of course, talk immediately begins on how great Brett Farve still is and always was. Ugh more on him soon.

647 Some guy named Carpenter (I miss Orlindo Mare, or at least saying his name like Yolandaaaa Veeeega) drills a 48 yard field goal putting the Fins up 24-17. Just put in Kellen Eric, you know you want to!

On a side note this game is not really doing it for me, maybe its the fact that both the crowd at this bar and more so the crowd at the Meadowlands is half dead and half empty by now (I can't blame them)

652 I look around and realize I am the only White person here. However, the front desk guy at my hotel is black so I have more than one non Hispanic person with me... VICTORY!!

654 Simms and Nance manage to remove their collective mouth out of Farve's cock for just a few minutes and share that they think Pennington is an MVP candidate. I actually agree. He has been a stable presence and a leader for this young offense stewarding them to this historic turn around season.

655 Despite the fact that the Jets team is only down 7 and has the ball, the crowd is utterly silent and most people have left. So this is what indifference sounds like huh?

700 THANK YOU ERIC AND BRETT!! unreal play by Jets. Farve, despite his team being deep in Miami territory inexplicably does a quick count no huddle play and attempts a snap throw which is of course thrown once again right into the teeth of Miami's front 7 for another pick. How does Brett do it??

I expect this to be Farve's last throw. If it is, it is not lost on me that his last throw in the 07 playoffs and the last throw in the 08 season were both intercepted.

705 4th and inches at the Jets 40 with 230 to go. Fins go for it and...... 1ST DOWN!! THE PLACE a quiet roar. It was somewhat loud but nothing like Finnegans I'm sure was or the way a north east bar errupts for it's local teams wins.

710 I am just glad the Farve love-fest is over for good. The most over-rated career by a QB ever. His 464 to 310 TD/INT ratio is solid at best, certainly not legendary. He has 1 championship and has failed in the big moment every bit as much as he has succeeded in it. His longevity and iron man streaks are beyond impressive but that does not take away from the deficiencies in his game; mainly his penchant for horrid decision making. The truly great ones like Brady, Montana, Unitas and even Peyton do not have such decision making problems.

715 Fins punt it with 20 seconds left back to Jets. The game ends on a lateral bonanza. So I guess Farve's last pass was a 3 yard pass over the middle. oh well. Okay, time for a "Pats and Cowboys are eliminated celebratory cigar".

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's David Carr!

For those of you looking for in depth analysis of the Giants' performance keep on moving, for there's nothing to see here. Just a few quick thoughts while geeking myself up for RU/NC State: An Era Ends on a Monday Afternoon. The Giants did exactly what they needed to do yesterday: get in some work for the first team as well as see what the backups can do. What did we find out?
  • Hixon is a solid receiver. Is he a #1? Possibly. Was he getting open? Yes. Well why wasn't he catching balls? Simple: for whatever reason, Eli was over throwing while Hixon was in synch with Carr. Actually, check that, Hixon has probably had more reps with Carr this year than Eli, so they have two weeks to work on that.
  • This team needs to start scoring touchdowns in the red zone. Is it as simple as putting Jacobs back into the lineup? Probably.
  • Congratulations to Derrick Ward from the collegiate powerhouse of Ottawa, for his first 1,000 yard season. Unless Ward wants 1/3 of his market value, he'll go on to sign elsewhere next year, and let me just say that he's been a great Giant, and all the best. Just stay away from Philly and Dallas.
  • And what may have been lost in all of this was that Ward had 15 carries for 77 yards against the #1 run defense, and unlike last week, there was no Jacobs to soften up the D.
  • As a whole, I have absolutely no complaints about the second half. The second string guys, and I believe that except for Snee and Seubert it was all 2nd string guys, performed well. Carr showed that he is at worst a good backup qb and Danny Ware showed that the Giants running backs roll 4 deep.
  • And to the Minnesota Vikings: hey, you have reason to celebrate: you went 20-30 yards with a desperate first team against the Giants second team and barely won the game. Way to go, Minny! If Tuck, Kiwanuka, Pierce, Ross, Webster, Robbins and Cofield are all out in the NFC Championship game, then I'm legitimately afraid of Tavaris Jackson and that juggernaut of a Viking offense.
  • And my personal rooting interest as a Giants fan: Arizona and Minnesota in the first round, Minnesota over Carolina in the second round, and let's face Tennessee in the Super Bowl. But the Steelers go as far as Roethlisberger's potentially stupid decisions will allow them, whether it's the Super Bowl or a second round loss to the Indy/SD winner.
  • Congrats to the Jets for making the right move and firing the Mangina. If I'm them, I go after the soon-to-be-fired Jon Gruden or for a young guy like Spagnuolo. And if I'm Spags, I make a point of only coming to the Jets if Brett Favre retires.
  • And I hate the Eagles as much as any red-blooded Giants fan, but I can't think of a team I've hated in sports as much as these Cowboys. So for the public gang-rape of the Cowgirls, this last part is for all the diehard SUS Eagle fans waiting for us to give their team some love:

May you guys lose by 56 to Minnesota Sunday evening.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

SUS Recycles the Best of 2008, Devo Edition

We at SUS like to think of ourselves as two things: 1) lazy and 2) um, let me see....ah hell, we're really just lazy. As such, we're taking the Christmas to New Years period to show our new readers what they may have missed over the last year in a segment we like to call SUS RECYCLES THE BEST OF 2008.

Anyone remember the abomination of a season had by the '08 Yankees? Sure, it's been lost amongst the mess that is the Jets and Mets, but it wasn't pretty either. And hopefully this bitterness comes across in this article from September 21:

Top 10 things not said by John Sterling and Michael Kay in introducing ex-Yankee greats on this THE LAST NIGHT OF YANKEE STADIUM

10. This man was widely regarded as one of the all time great contact hitters, but many of you remember him as the man who once drank 64 beers on a cross country flight...Wade Boggs!

9. This man had one of the greatest moments in Yankee/Red Sox history until the ultimate 2004 collapse made it all moot. After his home run, one fateful game of pickup basketball made it possible for New Yorkers to find a target for all of their pent up anger...Aaron Boone!

8. Considered to have speed matched only by his selfishness, his greatest contributions to the Yankees occurred in 2007 when he, as a Mets assistant coach, almost singlehandedly ruined Jose Reyes' career...Rickey Henderson!

7. This man made a post-baseball career out of being stupid enough to create lovable sayings that make no sense...Yogi Berra!

6. Some would call this man a born winner and leader who helped return the Yankees to glory. I like to think of him the best masturbator the Mets' Bullpen ever saw...David Cone!

5. These next two Yankees were not great, but in fact represented the low point in the Steinbrenner Era. They are here tonight because a security guard was not doing his job...Alvaro Espinosa and Mel Hall!

4. Let's give a big FU to the Mets by welcoming back 2nd baseman, Willie Randolph!

3. Next, the man who so loved being a Yankee that in 1998, he decided to sign with the Yankees over the Red Sox because the Yankees offered more money...Bernie Williams!

2. This man is considered to be a true Yankee, part of the glory years, even though one has to look hard to find more than one or two big playoff moments associated with this man...Jorge Posada!

1. The man responsible for this being the last game in Yankee Stadium history...Joe Girardi!