Thursday, November 27, 2008
Giving Thanks? Eh, pass.
Look, some people want to take today to be thankful for all that they have and all that they're about to eat. Me? I'm glad that I don't have to share my Mom's stuffing with you assholes. That shit's REAL good, and nothing sucks worse than running out of leftovers Friday morning when you assholes decide you want to gank some for your bitch-ass-selves.
But I'm getting off topic. What I meant to say is that while there is plenty to be thankful for, there is still plenty that pisses us off. And I'm sure there are plenty of people in your life who if they were on fire, you wouldn't piss on them to put them out. We at SUS made our list a few months ago of these people. So remember, on this day of thanks, don't let the assholes in your life get a free pass:
MissMet wouldn't piss on Derek Jeter, Lleyton Hewitt, Scott Gomez, Pat Burrell, Chipper Jones
White Boy South Bronx might defecate on Curt Schilling, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, Jose Reyes, and Michael Jordan if only to further the stench.
Devo would kick Jeremy Shockey, Scott Gomez, and Jason Giambi in the nuts and then point and laugh as they writhed in pain.
Brooklyn Hillbilly would take the mothers of Chad Johnson, Joe Buck, Steven A. Smith, Gary Sheffield, and Rudy Giuliani out for a nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALL THEM AGAIN!
Mahatma would spit in the slurpies of Rodney Harrison, Shawne Merriman, Kendall Simmons, Carson Palmer, and Jay Pandolfo.
Yinzer would attack David Oritz, Todd Bertuzzi, Tiger Woods, Jeremy Roenick, and Tom Brady with a hockey skate blade, Happy Gilmour style
And worst of all, SHMUCK wishes that Chad Pennington, Tie Domi, Ron Artest, A.J. Pierzynski, and Floyd Mayweather were stuck on a desert island with only Rich Kotite to gameplan a way off of said island.
Happy Thanksgiving and remember: there's plenty of assholes out there, stop pretending to be thankful for them.