There is a simple fact in life: all hard core sports fans are douchebags when they watch their teams. With that said, it's now time for the writers of your 10th most favorite website to tell about the little and not so little things that they do that qualify them as Sports Douchebags.
For Part I, The Devo Edition, click here
1) I yell at players on opposing teams or players on teams I hate while I am watching a game on TV- Devo can attest to this. He is the one who made me aware of my douchebaggery as it pertains to this unfortunate habit of mine. He noticed me cursing out the image of Tony Romo through the plasma TV at a sports bar in DC. Not only is this illogical, it makes you look kind of psychotic. You would think, in spite of my proclivities towards douchebaggery, I might decide to stop doing this right? Wrong. I continue to do it at an alarming rate. Thankfully my girlfriend has not, at least has not yet, left me over this.
2) I think it is immoral to root for a team that is not from your home area (sort of)- I only say sort of because if your hometown area does not have any team within say 90 miles of your home, I can’t blame you for rooting for a popular and/or good team. For example, my friend, let’s call him,
3) When I am watching my rival, I become a person who the normal Whiteboy despises- My favorite quote of the campaign season so far was the great Howard Dean’s quote of, “the John McCain of 2000 wouldn’t vote for this John McCain.” The same can be said of normal Whiteboy in regards to rival-hating-White Boy; I become thin skinned, very irritable and quite frankly a douchebag. I even sometimes talk a big game to large dudes who could kick my ass with their pinkies. The regular Whiteboy thinks this version of Whiteboy is a total fuckup and embarrassment to society. This split personality makes me an enormous douchebag.
4) I hate anyone who is from
5) I apparently have no sympathy for friends having shitty weekends and still take tremendous pleasure when my team beats his team- This has happened on many occasions because who amongst us has not had a shitty weekend, week, month or even year. However, if my team is playing your team, mainly in football, I just don’t have 1 ounce of sympathy when my team plays your team. I even wave bye bye sarcastically to that friend’s team’s QB when my team has put the game away. Sure I am sympathetic to other issues my friend may be having even it is involving his other sports teams. However, I could never say I’d give back my team’s win over his team, no matter how good of a time I have/had been having or as shitty as a time as he/she has/had been having recently. For this reason I am a cold hearted and even more gargantuan douchebag. Sorry