Monday, April 7, 2008

Manny's Being Crappy

I have this theory that writers who write primarily about sports make terrible movie critics. Yes there are some exceptions. If Peter Gammons tells me what movie to spend my money on, I just might take his advice. But Mike and the Mad Dog? If they enjoy a movie, I usually know to steer clear. (Hey Dawg, Rocky Balboa. You gotta see this movie!) Even Bill Simmons, whose writing I often enjoy, loses me as soon as he starts seriously reviewing movies. Matching lines from The Godfather with moments from the 1998 Red Sox season is all well and good, but when he starts panning movies like He Got Game - well, he's out of his element, Donny. He Got Game worked because it wasn't just another basketball movie about street kids who I couldn't relate to. It was a movie about family, specifically the relationship between fathers and sons, that just happened to be a basketball movie. Instead of scoring it to the latest hip-hop, which is exactly what we as viewers would expect, Spike Lee scored it to Aaron Copland. This was a huge risk and I thought it worked. With the Copland score behind it, the saga of the Shuttlesworth family wasn't just a small urban drama - it was the American Dream itself. So what was Simmons' biggest complaint with the film? "The soundtrack harms the movie," he writes, "When you're making a movie about basketball in the projects, rap and hip-hop are your friends, like putting ketchup and cheese on a juicy burger." A basketball movie with an all hip-hop soundtrack! Why didn't I think of that? One of the major reasons that I remember He Got Game more than the burger I ate last week is that it wasn't like every movie I've ever seen before; it didn't do what I expected it to do. Basically, it defied cliche. Which brings me to the reason why serious sports writers often make terrible movie critics: Sports writers and fans alike love cliche, whereas moviemakers (at least, good ones) detest it. Think about it - the greatest sports event of my lifetime, the Red Sox comeback/Yankee choke of 2004, is also the most cliched storyline imaginable. You can almost imagine some Hollywood hack pitching it to a studio exec. Ok, the team that hasn't won in 86 years is down three games to nothing against their rivals who always win. They then go on to win the next four games but not before almost blowing it all approximately 37 times. Oh, and the piece de resistance - the old pitcher who injured himself at the beginning of the playoffs comes back to shut down the rivals on a bum ankle. His ankle is freakin bleeding through his sock! Is that great or what?? Since it actually happened, I love this story. I can't tell it or watch it or think about it enough. But I'm glad it wasn't a movie, because it would have been way too goofy to take seriously. Basically, it would be the kind of terrible movie that TBS shows over and over again. Or maybe FX.

And with no transition whatsoever...

I've been in Italy, so I'm late on giving my Red Sox 2008 preview. The day following a three game sweep by Toronto might not be the best time to do it. I'm glad the Sox aren't playing today; I need to recover from a weekend of crappy baseball. And so do the Sox. A few thoughts on the series though (I missed Friday night but caught both Saturday and Sunday's games, both in their horrible entirety):

  • Ok, I'll start with the good. For a series in which the opposition scored 6, 10 and 7 runs, our starting pitching could have been worse. Wakefield looked great through five, the defense was terrible behind Buchholz and Becket got tired but his could also have been totally different if our freakin "righty specialist" didn't implode immediately (more on him in a minute).
  • As for the other positives, let's give them their dues: These could be famous last words, but J.D. Drew looks back with a vengeance. This man got absolutely no love last year. And yes, he sucked for most of the season. And yes, I got a little bit tired of looking at strike three with men on base. But he also had the single most important at-bat of the 2007 season (the grand slam off Carmona) and he still somehow got mostly made fun of for it. Ok, clearly he doesn't have the personality of a Papi or a Lowell, but last year Sox fans seemed to almost enjoy booing him. Almost as if everything else was going to well and they missed having something legitimate to boo, so they were focusing all of their pent up rage on the quiet southerner. Almost as if they didn't actually want him to do well, because then they would lose out on their whipping boy. Sox fans tend to behave like this sometimes. Such was the demise of Edgar Renteria and, in the end, Keith Foulke too. Well dammit, I want Drew to have a good year. And he absolutely crushed two balls this weekend. And he was one of very few guys who didn't look extremely jetlagged out there. So let's not boo him for at least a week.
  • It is trendy right now amongst baseball fans to assume that Jason Varitek is in a rapid decline. And maybe he is not at his 2003 vintage. But let's get a few things straight. One, based on last year he is not in rapid decline, or any kind of decline at all. From 2006 to 2007, all of his major stat totals increased. Two, as far as offense from the catcher spot is concerned, you could do way, way worse. Consider Tek against the Angels' catching tandem of Mike Napoli and Jeff Mathis, for example. Tek beats both of them combined in every appreciable offensive category. Including facial hair - Napoli's five o'clock shadow and Mathis's finely coiffed goatee can't hold a candle to Tek's beast beard. Three, I know it's hard to quantify, but everyone says that Tek still calls a great game. So I'll believe everyone. He's got to take some of the credit for that league-lowest ERA.

Ok, onto the negatives... (deep breath)...
  • The whole team looks exhausted, jetlagged, sleepwalking, comatose.
  • I know I should be used to it by now, but Manny is absolutely infuriating sometimes. We are seven games in and already he has: posed at home plate while watching Chris Denorfia easily catch his flyball to deep center in Oakland, allowed Frank Thomas to reach base on a cheap bloop single that he should have caught and allowed Vernon Wells to take third on the same play. For extra measure, he smiled goofily after robbing Thomas of a home run, a catch that no one in the park, least of all Manny, thought he would get to. You better start reminding me why I constantly give you free passes, Manny.
  • Lugo is absolutely horrible. So is Coco. But he's a better fielder, and at least we don't have to play him every day (although we seem to be playing him more frequently than I would like...)
  • As if bent on sabotaging my fantasy season, Terry Francona keeps playing Coco instead of Ellsbury. Someone needs to have an intervention.
  • I moderately to extremely concerned about the following people: Papi, Mike Lowell, Ellsbury, the entire starting rotation, Manny Delcarmen.
  • I said it all offseason: the team looks good but it wouldn't be a bad idea to pick up a proven righty set-up guy. (Granted, we got Dan Kolb, but I had something more in mind.) Anyway, we didn't. And this weekend, Manny Delcarmen made his season debut in meaningful situations. On Friday, he gave up a huge double to Thomas. On Sunday, he got his rematch in what proved to be the most ridiculous, deflating moment of a generally awful series. Bases loaded, two outs, Becket on the hook for the loss if any of the runs cross the plate. Francona goes to the righty specialist to face Thomas. And just then, when Jays fans are starting to get it into their heads that this is an actual dramatic situation, Thomas hits the first damn pitch about 500 feet. So yeah, I don't have the greatest faith in Boston's own Manny Delcarmen right now, which brings me to my next point...
  • I'd be ok not seeing Frank Thomas again for a very very long time.
We get the Tigers next. They are panicking way worse than we are. And we get our rings tomorrow. So I'm not ready to call it a season yet. The biggest positive: baseball is back. When else but during week one would I watch every inning of two incredibly brutal losses?

1 comment:

The Brooklyn Hillbilly said...

Couldnt agree more with the JD Drew comments. I find that my tolerance for Mannys shenanigans has increased over time, but he sorta won me back with that catch off the wall. I was more concerned with him hyperextending his knee than anything else.