Thursday, February 12, 2009

Best. Book Idea. Ever.

According to the Harvard of, well, nothing, the New York Post, Darryl Strawberry is coming out with a tell-all book about the 80's Mets that is going to make The Yankee Years look as controversial as The Sound of Music.

Anyone remember drugs that don't enhance performances? Things like speed and cocaine? You know, the drugs that can actually kill you BEFORE you turn 50? Well, this book has plenty on that.

Beer "was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle," he writes. "We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke." The team's mantra on the road, he writes, was to "tear up your best bars and nightclubs and take your finest women . . . The only hard part for us was choosing which hottie to take back to your hotel room. Lots of times you . . . picked two or three."

Oh, good, there's some sex stories involved too. But Straw, you didn't actually bang groupies, during games...or did you?

(I) once watched a pitcher march a frisky fan to a private room for oral sex: "I was jealous. When I saw her heading back to her seat, I gave her a sign. She smiled, turned right back around, and met me in that same little room . . . I had to be quick and run back out on the field."

Another time, "I was in the clubhouse, having one last quickie with this cute little Florida girl. Charlie Samuels, the equipment manager, came in and caught us. He just stood there shaking his head while I finished up."

Wow. Look, steroids denegrate the sanctity of the game, and blah, blah blah, but let me ask you something, SUS nation, what makes for a better story: hearing about how players gave themselves horse tranquilizers to increase their muscles and decrease their testicles? Or hearing about how players did speed, blow, and every able-bodied female around Queens in the mid 80's? Yeah, I'll opt for B. So you people can have your David Epstein and Selena Roberts and Tom Verducci. I'll take my '86 Mets tell-all, thank you very much.

But why were the women so attracted to the players? Was it the fame? Was it the money? Nah, it was clearly their singing chops:

Fast forward to 2:35 to see the beginning of the song. And a Francessa-sized thank you to whoever created this video and posted it on youtube.

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