Sometimes, Journalists Can Surprise You

The other day I came across this Article from the Hockey News writer Adam Proteau. The thing about this article is that he points out the shitty ass comments people put forth constantly in hate mail and message boards, and gives the response of basically "go fuck yourself." You never see articles like this from writers. To me Proteau is hit or miss. Sometimes he sounds like an expert and others you just scracth your head at him. But he hit the nail on the head with this article (which I assure you is 100% true in hockey circles), and I have to give him kudos for it. Mahatma and Devo can abck me up on these phrases being uttered from many hockey fans. I've copied the article below completely unedited for your viewing pleasure.




Before I became immersed in the lucrative, groupie-laden, glamorous world of sports journalism, I dabbled in government work, a career choice that afforded me a fair amount of insight into the often-depressing realities of dealing with the almost-always angry general public on a daily basis.

Even with that background, I never was fully prepared to deal with the hate mail that is virtually guaranteed to come your way as an Internet-era sportswriter. Thanks to the tribalism involved and inherent in pro sports, the level of vitriol and sheer rage displayed and conveyed by those whose technological savvy is limited to knowing where the “on” and “send” functions are located on their computer would send a shiver down the spine of even the most desensitized misanthrope.

I don’t mind angry criticisms from readers if they are creatively expressed. Unfortunately, a good chunk of emailers fall into the same old, staid, rhetorical traps that barely cause a mental ripple among seasoned hate mail recipients like yours truly, madly and deeply.

Therefore, in the hope of raising the level of feedback-related discourse for the upcoming season, I’m going to list a handful of the most-used, least-effective hate-mail techniques and demonstrate the complete absence of imagination and logic that goes into them.


1. The “So-Called Experts.”
An expert? Lil’ old moi? I don’t recall ever referring to myself in such a manner, but even if I did, the term “expert” doesn’t entail 100 percent accuracy in the field of predictions, nor does it assure me of being forever infallible in asserting or defending my theories or opinions.Don’t forget, Bob Goodenow was considered a labor-relations expert at one point, too. Anyway, if I’m an expert at anything, I’d like to think I’m an expert with the English language. If you don’t believe that, I kindly invite you to masticate my nates.


2. ‘Nuff Said.
I always wished anyone who used this line – and then usually went on to write a 650-word treatise on what they just claimed to have said enough about – would’ve thought it in their head and simply left it at that. Know what the universal symbol among intelligent people is for “nuff said?” A period! And I don’t mean 20 minutes of hockey.


3. I’ll Never Get Back The 10 Minutes Of My Life I Spent Reading That.
I’ll accept this one as legit if you can tell me exactly what part of your life you can get a redeemable refund for.


4. Do you even watch hockey? Alternate version: Have you even played hockey?
These two vapidities share something in common with the “so-called experts” putdown, because at the core of all three lies the assumption you must have played the game at an elite level to be able to comment on it. Indeed, that philosophy is held by a select, arrogant few in the NHL community. And that’s why anytime someone – like a handful of TV analyst/former player types I won’t name – looks down his nose at hockey writers for the sole reason they weren’t a former teammate or member of the NHLPA, I have to laugh.The day those ex-players (or for that matter, readers who don’t know their “you’re” from they’re “your”) show the capability of forming coherent, engaging thoughts with printed/typed words is the day I’ll believe they could do my job. The lesson: A little mutual respect will get you a long way in this business.


5. This Is The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read In My Life.
Honestly? Have you by chance flipped through Mein Kampf? Or Gary Bettman’s Guide to Scrutinizing Potential NHL Owners? Take it from a seasoned hyperbolist – even hyperbole has its limits.


6. Can I Have Some Of What You’ve Been Smoking?
This one isn’t limited to the sports world, but I’ve never quite understood the rationale behind it. On the one hand, you’re ridiculing one of my ideas by implying I was in some terribly altered state; but in the same breath, you’re telling me you found it interesting enough to request some of my stash. Can’t have it both ways, my friend!

It's about to pour so I might as well write another pointless blog...

One of our favorite things to do on this site is to bash ex rag, Sean Avery. Apparently, after doing such a fine job at Vogue, Avery also decided to continue his fashion exploits by dating Calvin Klein's ex-wife, Kelly Klein.

Apparently, she's 51 years old while Avery is 28. Hmm.. I don't know what to think about this. On one hand, Avery is a douchebag but on the other hand, I'm all about cougars.



rawr.


But I guess after dating Michelle Tanner, he might as well try the exact opposite and since Avery is no longer a Rag, I could finally ease up on him a little bit.

Ah well, here's to you Sean. You'd make the MILF guy in American Pie very happy.

Awful

There are very few times when I have very little to say but this video takes that notion to the test. I'm speechless. This is one of the many reasons I don't go Jersey unless bagels and lox are involved.

Top 5 moments of the Manny Ramirez era, as told by a Yankee fan

Look, as a Yankee fan, it's easy to look back upon the Manny Ramirez era with disgust, knowing that during Manny's tenure, they have taken away the Yankees' title as the class of Major League Baseball. That said, I enjoyed the Manny era. Without further ado, a Yankee fan's top 5 favorite moments of the Manny Ramirez in Boston Era:

1. He whose name we dare not mention's slightly inside pitch in the 2003 ALCS that created this brawl.

2. Manny's near home run, which Melky took away, jumpstarting Melky's Yankee career. Not to be confused with Melky's 2008 season, which may end Melky's career.

3. The Manny brainfarts. Too many to remember, whether it's becoming the cutoff man for Johnny Damon or massively screwing up a fly ball. Always a good time, even if none of these ever seemed to happen against the Yankees. Needless to say, part of the SUS intern's responsibilities will be finding videos of these moments that I'm too stupid/lazy to find.

http://ballhype.com/video/manny_ramirez_high_fives_a_fan_in_the_middle_of_a/

4. I'm not saying that having Manny Ramirez hit nearly .450 against us is a good thing, but at least it gave Yankee fans someone to truly hate on the Sox; like Lindros and Messier to Devil fans and The Killers to hard music fans above the age of 20, every good rivalry needs someone that really pisses them off. And call me crazy, but I can't quite get myself to hate Jason Bay...yet.

5. Manny taking off for two weeks every September because he felt the need for a vacation. Great for Yankee fans, devastating for Devo's Dumbasses

Trade Deadline Evaluations: The big moves in the days leading up to the Deadline and how each team made out

(1) ITS OVER ITS OVER MANNY RAMIREZ IS GOOONE, PRAISE THE LAWD!!!! TORRE AND MANNY TOGETHER AGAIN! BUT I DON'T CARE CAUSE MANNY IS OUTTTA HERE. Manny to the Dodgers, Jason Bay to Redsox, more random garbage to Buccos-


Dodgers A+- Wow. I should not be allowed to be this excited over a deal that does not involve the Yankees. I am sky high right now. The best right handed hitter of my lifetime, a Yankee killer and a truly great offensive player is now out of the Al East and into the AL West.

Red Sox D- Jason Bay? Reallllllly???? Wow. Jason Bay is an above average to good player. Manny Ramirez is a legend. This is one of the more lopsided exchanges by a contending team I have ever come across. If you think any Yankee pitcher is going to be scared to pitch to Jason Bay backing up Big Papi, you are smoking the good stuff. I cannot wait to intentionally walk Papi and pitch to Bay. Thank you Boston for insuring the Yankees will make the postseason this year.

Pirates C+- I am going to re-write this section because we now know the 4 players that are going to the Buccos- I do not think that reliever and St. Johns standout Craig Hansen will ever become more than a solid middle reliever and Brandon Moss seems destined for utility status. However, I hear good things about the two dodgers in the deal including Adam Larouche's brother and now infield mate Andy Larouche. So I guess I give the Dodgers group an A but the Redsox Group a D or so.

(2) Mark Texiera to Angels and Casey Kotchman to Braves-

Angels- A-- This is a very good move for the team that was already the hands down favorite to win it all. The Angels just added a very potent bat to an already solid but not dominant lineup. Now they're 3-5 looks like this 3) Guerrero 4) Texiera 5) Hunter. Wow. It already has an excellent rotation and an even better bullpen stewarded by dominant closer Fransisco "K-rod" Rodriguez. The only slight issue I have with this move is that Anaheim already had a solid all around 1b in Casey Kotchman and Mark Texiera is a free agent after the 2008 season. Unless the Angels win it all this year and/or resign the slugger and gold glove caliber 1b; this move may come back to bite them. However, it makes the Angels the hands down favorite to win it all this season.

(3) Yankees acquire Pudge Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth:

(A) Yankees B+- This was another very solid move by the much maligned (by me especially) Brian Cashman. The Yanks filled a glaring need in acquiring a respectable bat at the catcher position while still not losing much defensively when comparing Pudge to the now backup catcher Jose Molina. Pudge brings championship pedigree and most importantly lengthens the Yankee lineup as now it possesses only 1 easy out (Melky) in its starting 9.

(B) Tigers- B- This move is also a logical one for Dave Dambroski and the Tigers. Apparently Pudge has worn out his welcome in Detroit by, amongst other things, not attending pitcher meetings before the games. The Tigers acquire one of baseball's hottest pitchers in Kyle Farnsworth who has not allowed and earned run in over a month. However, the recent acquisition of Marte and the dominant pitching of change up specialist Edwar Ramirez makes Farnsworth and his expiring contract expendable.


(4) Ken Griffey Junior to the Chisox for Righty reliever Nick Masset and 2b Danny Richar-

WhiteSox- C- The Whitesox are returning to their 2005 form this season. They are getting solid starting pitching and have an excellent lineup featuring a career season from Carlos Quentin and the big 3 of Thome, Dye and Konerko. Nick Swisher, despite his poor batting average has a near 400 OBP and Yankee killer SS Orlando Cabrera (This guy seems to win every where he goes doesn't he?). The Sox acquisition of future first ballot Hall of Famer Ken Griffey Junior seems a bit curious to this blogger. They upgraded an area that did not need an upgrade and gave up talented young fire-baller Nick Masset and 2nd Danny Richar to do so. Seems to me they took away from an area they needed to at least stay the course with if not bolster (pitching) so that they could add to something that already was a strength for the team.

Hockey Fight 101

First off, let me say that Im glad to see that Jonathan Roy has the same attitude when getting his ass kicked as his father did. Pure, blind, rage at the world. This is obviously a classy kid (note the champion pose he strikes after the beating he lays down). I know everyone will take the beaten goalies side in this, but c'mon, does this kid have no self respect? You cant take a single swing back? He got worked like a 40 year-old hooker up at Hunts Point who was $50 short for the night. The video above is good, but the one here at ESPN is better. Keep a close eye on the screen after Roy does the takedown for the ref actually keeping another player from defending his goalie, and getting worked as well.

Yanks notes from your favorite Whiteboy: Thanks Buccos

You know, I was about to post about how I was wrong to prematurely right off the Yanks this year. They had just won 8 in a row and were in a loss column tie for the wild-card with the Sawx. However, leave it to this 2008 Yanks, the team of the streak, to just make you furious. Not only have they lost 2 straight after winning the previous 8, they did so in embarrassing fashion losing by a combined score of 22-6 to the Sawx and the terrible Orioles. With this fresh agitation in mind; here is what is on my Yankee fan mind........

(1) The trade for X-man and Marte was awesome- This trade, in which we gave up nothing, was the ideal trade for the 2008 Yankees. It filled its 2nd and 3rd most glaring need. They desperately needed a righty bat with some pop because the only power bat from the right side is Arod. We also needed a Ortiz-Crawford- specialist aka a lefty specialist. The Yanks have already reaped the benefits of this part of the trade as Marte struck out Papi swinging in a big spot during Sunday's 10-3 thrashing of the Sawx. However Nady is off to a very slow start only going 1 for his first 11.

(2) Most glaring need of adding a starter to the back end of the rotation however has not been addressed- The Yankees need to acquire Jarod Washburn. Despite his average numbers and that the BIG is not enamored with Washburn, the Yanks need to add a solid 4th starter to the rotation. The fact that he is a lefty hurler who would pitch at the stadium would only help matters. If the Yanks do acquire Washburn, this immediately solidifies our 1-4 in the rotation and 1-5 when Wang returns in September. Let Rasner and his bizzaro twin Sidney Ponson duke it out for the 5th spot.
.
(3) R.I.P. Jorge 2008 season- Yesterday was a rough day for Yankee fans. Yes, our favorite team lost 13-4 at home to the last place O's; but we also lost our beloved star catcher for the season to admittingly necessary shoulder surgery. Still, his potent switch hitting bat will be sorely missed as will his veteran leadership and his ability to call a game. However, his .0005% throwing out would be base stealer percentage will not be missed.

(4) Jeter I can't take your double plays anymore its killing me- Yesterday the Yanks had to suck up Mussina's first bad outing in over 2 months. He just did not have it from the get go. He had poor control and terrible location on all of his pitches. This allowed the mediocre Kevin Millar and Ramon Hernandez to hit absolute bombs to left and right center respectively to put the O's on top 4-0 in the 2nd. However, in the top of the 4th, after O's righty Jeremy Guthrie had retired the first 9 Yanks in order to start the contest, Damon leads off with a hard single to left. But thank G-d, Jeter hits into his daily double-play by hitting a hard grounder right to the 2nd baseman. Derek, IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HIT WITH ANY POWER AT ALL AND YOU ARE GOING TO HIT 285, YOU NEED TO SOMEHOW SWING UP MORE OR DO SOMETHING TO NOT HIT THE BALL ON THE GROUND RIGHT AT INFIELDERS, YOU ARE KILLING THIS FREAKING TEAM! I will always have a place in my heart for #2 but his play this year has been putrid I don't care what Michael Kay and his band of Yankee suck-ups say. Oy

Monday Night BSing with Mahatma!

SUS is still on vacation but don't worry!



Being the token asshole (uh I mean editor in chief whose not feverishly preparing for the bar exam) I figure it's my duty to keep this site going forward in the progressive nature we all intended during its inception. Let me bust out the ol computer and rock out.

So kids what time is it? Why IT's MONDAY NIGHT BULLSHITTING WITH MAHATMA.

Woohoo!

I saw Batman over the weekend and yea it's great. BH said "it's leave work right now and watch it great" and you know what I kindof agree mostly because I hate my job but hey that's all right!

Its still probably the best movie i've seen in theatres although I'd like to give a big FU to the Lowe's cinema at 32 and 2nd for having its audio crap out in the middle of one of the Dent/Gordon scenes. As a result, 32nd and 2nd Lowe's wins the Loser of the week award.



Ledger was out of this world but I gotta give props to Aaron Eckhardt too continuing the momentum from Thank You for Smoking although people say its more or less the same role.

Anyway back to Ledger, I saw ten things I hate about you over the weekend again also and its weird how a man that annoying in that could play the best villain in comic book history but such is life. Its sad because you figure Ledger would probably have been back in the 3rd movie in Nolan's trilogy. Anyway, once again great actor whose life was cut far too short.

Anyway on to more depressing things, like the Yankees acquiring Xman and Demaso Marte from the worthless excuse for a baseball franchise "the Pirates" for a metro card, meat on a stick, a yankee hat and a half eaten bag of pringles.

Sadly, the best trade in years for the Pirates. Being the person least knowledgeable about baseball on this, I figure it's my duty to report. Here's a picture to sum up my thoughts:
The guy on the right is the Pirates. The guy who also made this picture probably also works for the Pirates.

Litteraly....

On to other things:

I forgot to mention I saw this asshole at a bar that I frequent 2 weeks ago:



Boy where the hell did this guy go? Shouldn't he have been on the Surreal Life by now? Regardless, he had this hot chick on his arm which further proves that God hates us all.

Oh right we are a sports website. Well here's some more wacky nonsense that I found on rivals.com

I didn't want to get into football mode in July but alas I guess I have to.

I know what you are thinking Oh why doesn't this get adopted into the NFL. Thankfully, the rules of NFL football forbid such nonsense.

In the NFL, the rules won't allow this offensive philosophy, because it is based on the scrimmage kick rule in NFHS. The NFL has no such rule, and mandates 5 OL numbers on the LOS. Now, could you run a swinging gate..sure..if you want to get the QB killed.

The scrimmage kick rule in NFHS states that there are no specific rules as to who is an ineligible receiver (read:jersey number AND location on the LOS), as long as your "QB" is 7 yards deep minimum. This rule is in direct conflict with current NFL rules.

As for the old "reporting as eligible" thing, there is no such monster at the HS level. You cannot report as eligible in HS. The only way around that is: 1. have an eligible number, 2. be in a scrimmage kick formation. You can hand the ball off to an ineligible number (i.e. a lineman in at FB in power I), but he has to get possession of the ball behind the LOS. This would also work for screens as well, I believe. The ineligible number player in an eligible spot cannot catch the ball downfield I don't believe.

So, as you see, the A-11 takes advantage of NFHS rules, and would not fly in the NFL. Regardless its a fun video to watch.

Back to the NFL:

Thank god the Patriots have the easiest schedule in football. WTF. Tom Brady is Satan. Or maybe he's just a host like Gabriel Bryne was in End of Days?


Creepy.

Thank god the Gints won.

I just threw up in my mouth

So is there anything worse than seeing one of your role models being associated with all things evil? This has got to be up there. Thankfully, Eddie isn't sporting a Patriot jersey otherwise I'd probably need to reevaluate my life. Regardless, this is still awful.

I hope this is one of those cases where you just give the celeb some team paraphernalia so he can sport it around the venue. Actually, with that hat on, I am sick. How can Eddie cheer with those cretins!?!?!

Someone get Eddie a Steeler hat stat!


(picture stolen from barstool)

Dear NHL

As one of your loyal fans I know you can be out of touch with us, and even reality at points. And I can live with that, it's just who you are and we all have our faults. But when you put up an article on the main page for everyone to see, PLEASE think about the title before you post it.

Mets game over Yanks Game: A mistake? I report,you decide

I did something tonight that I almost never do. I decided to go to a Mets game instead of stay home and watch my Yankees on TV. Usually, I would prefer staying at home and enjoy the thrill of rooting for my favorite team as opposed to attending a sporting event for which the outcome has ultimately little meaning to me. However, with Johan Santana starting and the co-first place Phillies in town; I figured I would go out to Shea with my dad. Although I found the first 8 innings rather dull, the 9th inning more than made up for it. Billy, "my pussy hurts" Wagner decided he needed a night off to rest his weary arm (I don't recall Mo ever needing a night off due to injury during a pennant race) and he left the closing duties in the "capable" hands of Duaner Sanchez, Pedro Feliciano and Joe Smith. Wow did they suck! 5 runs were allowed by this bumbling triumvirate before a single out had been recorded. The inning was highlighted by a huge bases loaded 2 run double by Soooooooo Taguuchi and another 2 run double by Rollins to plate the 7th and deciding run of the contest. This game though was more interesting to me in terms of the psychology of my fandom.
First of all, what compels a die-hard Yankee fan like myself to go to a Mets game when the Yankees are playing at home on the same night? I guess it comes down tot the fact that the real reason I grew to love sports, like many of you I would guess, is because of the bonding with my dad. I know it sounds cheesy, but I guess I decided I would rather spend time with my dad while watching a game, even if it is at the disgrace of a ballpark in flushing, as opposed to spending it in front of my TV watching the Yanks at home. Simply put, I chose spending time with family over the Yankees; a choice I will always make I think. Secondly, I had not seen Johan pitch this year live and I figured this was the only time I would be willing too do so considering the magnitude of this contest vs Philly. Finally, I was convinced that Ranser would get lit up by the Twinkies and knew I"d be annoyed at myself if I sat at home tonight just to watch that. Although this fear was not realized and the Yanks won 8-2, I stand by my fear of Daryl Rasner getting lit up whenever it arises. Maybe a Yankee fan should never go to Shea when his/her team is playing at the same time in the Bronx, but I think my reasoning is sound and that I am free from criticism as such. But fellow die-hard sports fans; you decide.
I know that nobody really gives a crap what team I was pulling for or what my experience was like at this game as a Yankees fan. However, a few thoughts. Firstly, Phillies fans are unbelievably obnoxious. More than Sox fans or even Cowboy fans, Phillies fans acted like Shea was in fact their stadium. They mockingly clapped their hands in front of Mets players when they returned to the dugout after the conclusion of the top of the 9th and they walked across the entrance to gate D with a 2007 division champions banner (Hey assholes, you might want to be a bit more humble since your city has not crowned a champion since the 1983 Sixers; btw NYC has 10 titles since then, just saying). Furthermore, I found myself rooting for the Mets as soon as the Phillies inched to within 5-3 with 0 outs and the bases full in the 9th. This is normally unfathomable for me, a guy who has no love for the Mets or most of their fans.However, being a fanatical life long Giants fan, I have a true disdain for Philadelphia Eagles fans. They conduct themselves like wretched animals at Giants Stadium and they comported themselves no better at Shea. On the subway, I made sure to walk directly in front of all the Phillies fans just to make sure they saw my Giants t-shirt. Oh and a final note, props to Mets fans for fully filling out your building and being incredibly loud the entire game. I have often found Shea to be pretty listless and empty even for big games but tonight I was impressed. Too bad your awful bullpen choked away a game against the hooligans' from Philly's favorite baseball team.

The Phillies are in Town

The Mets and Phillies are tied for first place in the National League East. By Thursday evening, one of these two teams will be in first by themselves. Seemingly, the momentum is on the Mets' side. In their last 10 games, the Mets have gone 8-2, while Philadelphia has played at 5-5. The Mets had their phenomenal 10 game winning streak broken over the weekend by the Reds when they lost 2 straight to them. Even Sunday's win wasn't very pretty. The team left a ton of runners in scoring position (RIP, RISP) but managed to pull through. The best game of the series was on Thursday night, when the boys scored four runs in the top of the 9th on some clutch hitting to extend their streak. With Jose Reyes not hitting until Sunday, they weren't ignited and did not win. On Sunday, Reyes did break Mookie Wilson's franchise triples record. At 25, Jose already has 63 triples in less than 3000 at bats. If things continue to go as they have been going, Mookie's 62 triples will be a very distant 2nd to Reyes' total for the Mets.
The big series (Jerry Manuel says so) against the Phillies starts tonight and the probables are: Blanton (5-12, 4.96) v. Santana (8-7, 3.10) tonight, Myers (3-9, 5.84) v. Maine (8-7, 4.22) tomorrow night and Moyer (9-6, 3.90) v. Perez (6-6, 4.36) on Thursday afternoon. It is about time the Mets got a run or two on Blanton, who has pitched 15 shutout innings against them. Hopefully the Santana that pitched on Thursday night won't show up tonight because that one awful inning, when the Phillies hit for the cycle plus an extra home run against him, could have cost them the game. Santana typically does better on normal rest, as opposed to extra rest, which he had from the All-Star Break before Thursday's game. Odds are that the Mets will break through tonight against Blanton. I'm sure the team would love to welcome him to the National League with a loss. Besides, the Mets owe Santana for his last start against the Phillies on the 4th of July, when he got a No Decision, giving up only 2 runs on 6 hits in 8 innings. That was no way to celebrate the birthday of our country. Wednesday night's match-up is intriguing because Myers is making his first appearance in the Majors after being sent back down to the Minors (ala Steve Trachsel after giving up 4 home runs in 1 inning). Hopefully, coming back to Shea will shake his confidence a bit, because Maine has not been the same cool, calm and collected pitcher that we saw in the beginning of the season. Wild Ollie Perez will go against thorn-in-my-side Jamie Moyer on Thursday and I just feel like Moyer is pesky enough to win this one.
I won't be making a prediction for the series because I feel like I'm jinxing the team whenever I do. Fingers crossed that first place will belong to New York by Thursday evening.
BTW
That t-shirt up there is from , which is a charity website started by the Mets announcers. Check it out.
~MissMet

SUS is on vacation...apparently

Apparently we at SUS are on a collective vacation. I was fooled, but 3 articles in a week tend to speak for themselves. When will it end? Who's to say.

Though if I were a betting man, I'd guess:

Mahatma apparently came back today.

MissMet will return for her weekly Wednesday column.

White Boy will return whenever his chaotic schedule of attending Yankee games allows him time off.

BH will return once he (a) makes up a fictional story about his time in Vegas and (b) has internet access with which mark it down.

Yinzer and SHMUCK will be back when football season begins.

Oh, and I'll return for early August and then more completely around August 18. But a quick note on Shockey, which I plan to discuss more in the upcoming weeks. I'm still unsure as to how I feel about Shockey demanding to be traded off of a Super Bowl Champion. It's definitely one of the following:

1. The Paulie Walnutsesque "If he were on fire, I wouldn't piss on him to put it out."
or
2. The Fredo Corleone "You're nothing to me now. You're not a friend, not a brother."

But it's definitely one of the two. Stay tuned, SUS nation, for who knows when someone will return from vacation early?

Buzz Bissinger gets his ass kicked by SecurityGuards.blogspot.com

Hilarious article out of the NYT this past weekend.

Buzz "I love bloggers" Bissinger, famous for writing Friday Night Lights and also this lovely panel discussion, decided to take his sons to a college baseball game, the last "pure" game of baseball left in civilization apparently.

The piece starts with Buzz being a bitter old dinosaur ranting about how baseball sucks now, life is better in the 1960s -- all the typical drivel you would here from some yinzer who is too busy spewing "the problem with your generation" type crap. Anyway, Buzz is entirely in heaven initially just enjoying himself and the atmosphere and than he gets blindsided.

Hi jinx ensue:

Roughly half a dozen security officials tackled me and threw me face first into the concrete, causing an ugly gash on my leg and a silver dollar-sized bruise on my arm. My glasses broke. One put me in a chokehold while another handcuffed me, all of it occurring in front of my three sons. They were traumatized. I was traumatized. Over a camera. At a sporting event, a college sporting event that likes to think of itself as the ultimate family affair.

I was told I was permanently banned from Rosenblatt. I was threatened with arrest. The gash in my leg was bleeding, a matter of concern because I am on the blood thinner coumadin (the result of recent five-hour reconstructive surgery for a clot in my leg) and one of the side effects of the drug can be unchecked bleeding.

HA! If this was anyone else, I'd feel bad for them but not Buzz.

I'm sure it was all that bad until Buzz decided to go all Incredible Hulk as he does. Buzz has a problem with rage-a-hol and he needs to enter a program.

The best part of the article is that it sort of sounds like that he deserved it.

Ah well, score another one for the good guys!

Dear Mr. Met,

Today I went on a job interview, and at the end of the interview, I was asked to write a letter. This could be any kind of letter and to anyone, to prove that I know how to use Microsoft Word and to write. As soon as she told me about this task, I knew that I was going to write a letter to Mr. Met. So, here is what I wrote to him this morning:

Dear Mr. Met,

I would like to take this time to congratulate you and the Mets on the current ten game winning streak. You have all been performing so well throughout. I am very impressed and I think that you deserve a lot of the credit. You take the time to be the best mascot that you can be by using that big head and puffy hands of yours to help root, root, root for the home team. Without you, I am not sure if this would have been able to happen.

I just want to remind you that this recent surge and now tie for first place does not mean the season will be a cake walk from now on. There is still a lot of work to be done, so I don't want you to get overconfident and ruin the team's chances. The season is marathon not a sprint, so please pace yourself.

Thank you for all you have done so far,



MissMet, Ardent Fan

Why Hockey is Boring

With all due respect to my editor, assistant to the editor and Yintzer, Hockey is boring. In Baseball, a base-hit greatly increases the chances a run will score. A different count be it 1-2 vs 3-1 greatly changes the probability that a batter will reach base. Runners being on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out makes the at bat much more exciting than it would be if this same at bat took place with 2 outs and nobody on even if you are in the first inning. Plus, it clearly passes Devo's piss-test. (if you miss 1 pitch because you are pissing, you very well could miss a 2 out three run hr in the top of the 1st which changes the course of the game). Great pitchers sometimes are owned by mediocre hitters (See Joe Mc-ewing vs. Randy Johnson pre-Yanks) and sometimes mediocre pitchers own great lineups (See Oliver Perez vs. New York Yankees of 2007). This stuff is fascinating if you love numbers, stats and you have played the game most of your life. Oh, it does help when your favorite team made the playoffs every year you have rooted for it (this year that ends). However, this post is not a referendum on baseball but rather a criticism of hockey and why it is unwatchable to most of Americans.

(1) There is no clear progress or demarcations towards points being scored- In football there are first downs, in basketball there are baskets every few seconds and in baseball there are walks, basehits, hbp's ext. In hockey, the only thing that approximates this is a power-play or penalty shot. I admit, these are exciting situations. However, 5 on 5 regular season hockey puts me to sleep. Much like Yintzer thinks that baseball is nothing more than pitch, pitch, walk, walk, hit, strikeout. Hockey, to the average american sports fan, is just sending the puck down the ice, chase the puck, line change, send the puck down the ice, a check against the boards, line change zzzzzzzz. Sorry I'm back.

(2) It is a very expensive and difficult game to learn and play- All you need to play basketball is a ball and any playground in America. Baseball requires buying a glove and bat but finding a field is relatively easy. Football follows along the same lines as Baseball. Hockey however is insanely difficult to play. You have to learn how to skate (which is damn near impossible for those of us who have horrendous balance), you need to reserve ice time, (which, as my friends who play it tell me; needs to be done at 5am or late at night) and then you have to buy a stick and join obscure leagues that most towns don't even offer. Many schools don't even have teams. No such trouble for the Big 3. This obviously makes it hard to enjoy watching for the majority of Americans who have never played the sport (ice hockey specifically) even 1 time.

(3) Tie Games or half tie games in sports are immoral- I'm sorry this is obscene. No sporting contest should ever end in a tie or a cop-out of the losing team getting 1 point as is the case in the post Lock-out NHL when a team loses in OT or a shootout. Every sporting event should have a clear loser and winner. The victor should indeed get all the spoils. If the NFL actually had tie games more than once every three years, I'd be as passionately anti-tie in the NFL too. There is something unnatural about leaving a sporting event where your team loses and you say "that's cool, at least we got a point." Imagine if in baseball a team got half a win for extending a game to extra innings. That would ruin the thrill of a walk-off hr in extra frames. To me this ruins regular season hockey games.

A HUUGE CAVEAT TO ALL OF THIS IS HOWEVER, THAT PLAYOFF OVERTIME GAMES ARE THE MOST THRILLING EVENTS IN SPORTS! The idea that at any moment a team can win or lose a game and that this game could end a team's season is captivating. However, this excitement is lost in regular season games where an artificial shootout gives one team a full win and 1 team a half of a win. I know this article will be hated on by my hockey loving co writers and friends but I still express the sentiment of the overwhelming majority of Americans. Regular season hockey is really boring. So is NASCARR and golf, by the way, which I know actually puts me at odds with many of my fellow hockey detractors. But I need not take up any space on this primarily Northeastern Blog with NASCAR stuff.

Why I Hate Baseball

So since this is a New York site primarily, there is quite a bit of talk about the Yankees and the Mets. The truth is though when I read those articles, I really have no idea what they’re talking about because frankly to me baseball is one of the most boring things ever. It’s the daytime soap opera of the sports world (and no, I don’t count curling, that’s an insult to sports) and just fails to capture my interest on every level. Now I know a lot more people watch baseball than my sport of choice hockey, but I don’t care and feel free to make fun of hockey, you wont say anything I haven't heard a hundred times over. So here are the reasons why I hate baseball.


It’s boring as all hell
This is of course the primary reason we as humans don’t watch things. I played baseball when I was a kid and watched it back then too, but then as I grew up I realized “Jesus, nothing is actually happening.” I mean they stand there, pitch, pitch, foul ball, pitch, strikeout, pitch, pitch, pitch, walk… you get the point by now. So when someone actually hits the damn ball people get excited. Why? Because it meant something finally fucking happened that’s why! Honestly, just sit and think about a hit for a moment. A guy standing still just hit a ball. Is that really an exciting thing?


You can be an out of shape fat ass and still be one of the best players in the league
You’re probably saying “football is filled with fat asses!” and yes, that is true. However, that 350lb fat ass can also run you down and break in you half. The baseball fatties? They’re just plain fat, like some middle age drunk that stumbled out of the bar. You see pitchers with these huge guts that even their uniforms cant hide, and wonder how when they pitch their stomach doesn’t make them fall over. Look at the Red $ox David Ortiz a.k.a. Big Fatty. Huge gut hanging out yet heralded as one of the best in the game. This guy cant even run around the bases for god’s sake, it’s like watching an out of breath hippo drag itself along. And if the base coaches want to get him to move faster they are forced to wave twinkies to motivate him to do so. Really, it’s embarrassing.


The designated hitter rule: legal cheating
I distinctly remember one time in little league where my team caught the other cheating. What were they doing? Having one kid pitch and another kid hit in his place because each was better at that those respective duties (for the record instead of making them forfeit we continued the game to show we could still outright beat them which we did). It was forbidden by the rules. Yet somehow this basic rule was cast aside and now instead of making a pitcher hit you can put in someone else. I’m sorry, but that’s not playing the game. Ortiz (sorry, as I don’t watch baseball I don’t really know anyone else)? He doesn’t play baseball. He hits. In order to play baseball he needs to take the field. Of course if they put him out there he’d probably just start grazing but I digress. What if hockey could just throw a third defenseman on the ice? Or a football team an extra receiver? That’s pretty much what you’re doing with baseball.




Things you can do during a baseball game while not actually missing anything:
Read War and Peace
Take a crap and read the paper
Be the thirtieth person in line at the concession stand and make it back to your seat
Have a quickie
Watch the entire North-South mini series
Recover from ACL surgery
Be kidnapped by aliens
Run a marathon

Just some ideas for you.


Economic System? What’s that?
Most sports now have a cap to keep spending out of control, or at least limit the amount of stupid contracts one team can give out. Baseball though only has some pathetic luxury tax that has proven to do absolutely nothing. Now things are to the point where mediocre players get $5mm a year. It’s kind of sad when you think about it.


Pansies
That’s how I see a lot of these players. Not that they don’t have a few bad asses, but when you’re a hockey fan or football fan you know the only way a player is not going back onto that ice/field is if you snap a limb in half or cause severe head trauma. Hell, one of the Penguins player had a broken nose, then took a slap shot to the face that made the remainder of his nose pretty much explode. Ten minutes later after some quick repair he was back on the ice. Don’t really see much of that in baseball.



And did I mention nothing freakin happens during the games?

Suge Knight-McKenzie

I really can't stand airport security or airports in general. Not only did they make me take my sandals off (come on, seriously) but they also threw out all my shampoo because they weren't the mini bottles. I looked at the guy and I said "Jesus Christ look at me dude, I need every drop of that body wash." Now I don't fly very often so this is news to me but man was I pissed, $40 worth of products going in the garbage or probably that guys home.

So you can understand my frustration at this point. And let's not forget that it was 5am and I'm on like 2 hours of sleep, I was flat out pissed. So I go and look at ridiculously overpriced digital cameras around our terminal and on the other side I hear a guy complaining. I look up and it's Robert Kelly arguing with the guy behind the counter with Jim Norton standing behind him watching. Holy SHIT! It's Rich from Lucky Louie and that doochebag who broke his knee on that Fagasm show! (also Opie and Anthony regulars) Stupid me should have bought that expensive ass camera right there and took a picture with them. But I did shake their hands and greet them. They were nice people.

So wow, the last time I saw a celebrity was 12 years ago with Devo and a friend coming back from a LIVE concert in the city. (We were at a McDonalds and waiting in line behind us was Rebecca Lobo. Props to Devo, he was the only one to say anything to her, "You're Rebecca Lobo. You were on the daily show." She replies, "Yea like 3 years ago." Devin says "Heh, yea, cool." And that was it. It was hilarious (probably to just the 3 of us)). Not really a good stat sheet in regards to celeb status but whatever.

On my plane coming home from the Bahamas it became a guessing game on what celebrities were on the plane. My first thought was..."OH SHIT!" Suge Knight is on our plane! But I noticed he wasn't in handcuffs or wearing any conspicuous jewelry (or holding guns for that matter). My brother (die hard Giant fan) thought it was Kareem McKenzie but second guessed himself when he noticed no Superbowl ring. But who would wear a $25,000 ring out in public like that especially when you're in the Bahamas and could lose it quite easily. (Suge Knight would.) So my brother and I boarded the plane. Not only did we now think it was McKenzie but the gentlemen sitting in front of him looked just like Romeo Crennel. The whole time we're thinking why the hell are these guys in the Bahamas and not getting ready for training camp and the preseason? To make a long story short, sure enough, it was both Crennel and McKenzie. We shook hands with the coach and posed for pictures with McKenzie while getting our luggage. But don't worry, I had a Jets chant going soon enough before we all departed. Great way to end an awesome vacation

FANTASY BREAKDOWN (Running Backs)

1. LADANIAN TOMLINSON – It took Norv Turner midway thru last season to realize that when you give LT the ball, you tend to win games. His numbers took a dip from his record setting season in 2006 but he’s a sure thing for 1800 total yds and at least 18TD’s each season.

2. BRIAN WESTBROOK – He is to Donovan McNabb as Kobe is to white bitches. As long as he can stay healthy (and surprisingly for the last 2 seasons) he is a top 3 fantasy running back.

3. JOSEPH ADDAI – Was hurt for a couple of games during last season but did manage to put up 15 TDs. He practically died out the last 4 games of the season but he’s still a top fantasy running back especially running behind that offensive line.

4. STEVEN JACKSON – He’s been my keeper the last 2 years and was a big part of my success in 2006. Last seasons injury hurt my team bad and Brian Leonard just wasn’t cutting it. With Pace back from injury at left tackle Jackson will have plenty more holes to run through this year.

5. MARION BARBER – It’s now his show in Big D. He’ll split carries with Felix Jones but he’s still the goaline back.


Now I know you’re asking, “Where the hell is Adrian Peterson?” and my answer is; step into my office, because you’re still fucking fired! Here are my safeties and doorknobs:

SAFETIES

FRANK GORE – With Martz calling the plays look to see Gore get a lot more of the ball, considering the 49er’s have no wide receivers.

MARSHAWN LYNCH – So now the bills want to include him in the passing game? Now you’re thinking

ADRIAN PETERSON – He’s definitely going to see his load increase this season but can he stay healthy for 16 games? Make sure you draft Chester Taylor in later rounds if AP goes down again because he’ll surely take carries away from him.

CLINTON PORTIS – He’s got some problems holding onto the ball but was a workhorse for the skins last season. Hopefully the help in the passing game can take some pressure off him and the defenses putting 8 in the box.

RYAN GRANT – Probably the best FA pickup on anyone’s team last season. He’ll get the full load this year and as long as he stays healthy he’s a solid pick.

EDGERRIN JAMES – He gets a lot of carries which is good and he manages to stay healthy. I’m positive Whisenhunt will get his shit together and that running game will be a lot better this season.

FRED TAYLOR/MJD – All good things come in pairs. But I stay away from these guys for a reason because you never know whose going to get the ball when you need it. Taylor is the bigger back so expect more carries inside the 5 for him.

BRANDON JACOBS – Slowed by injuries last season and he still had solid numbers. For the big powerful back that he is I’d like to see more TDs come his way and I believe they will. He’ll most definitely double his total from last season (as long as he can stay healthy)

DOORKNOBS

RUDI JOHNSON – He’s falling out of favor with the Bengals. Looks like Kenny Watson might be #1 on the depth chart if Rudi’s injuries and lack of play continue. Stay away from this guy.

TRAVIS HENRY – Is he even signed? I think he’s still a FA. Even so I doubt he’d start anywhere next season, he’d most likely be a backup.

JULIUS JONES – He couldn’t cut it in Dallas and I doubt he’ll do much better in Seattle. Maurice Morris would probably get the goaline calls as well.

RONNIE BROWN – Be careful when you draft him, he’s coming off a leg injury and he might not be back to form right away. I’d take any of the safeties over him if they are still available when you need a back

JUSTIN FARGAS – It might be his show as of now but not for long. McFadden could be the Adrian Peterson of last year so watch out.

LENDALE WHITE – He had a solid season last year but the Titans drafted Chris Johnson with their 1st round pick. Look for his carries to decrease.

DESHAUN FOSTER – Carolina could never get the running game going since Stephen Davis retired. I would stay away from any Carolina back

Things Are Going...Well!?

The Mets just swept a 3 game series from the lowly Giants, right after taking 3 of 4 from the Division-leading Phillies. Did I mention that all six of those wins have come...in a row?! This is truly amazing to me, as the whole team has finally started performing well at the same time. The starting pitching from Perez, Santana and Pelfrey has been stellar. The bullpen has picked each other up after mistakes (cough, Billy Wagner, cough). With Ryan Church on the DL again and Moises Alou maybe not coming back at all, the bench (Chavez, Anderson and TATIS) has been spectacular. Met pitching allowed nine hits over the three games with San Francisco, shutting them out twice. Meanwhile, the team is finally (!) getting two-out hits with runners in scoring position. The team is also scoring a lot of runs and not letting late inning rallies by opposing teams get them down. The last two games of the Phillies series were definitely the most interesting, but the team did not give up, as they might have a month ago. With an 8-2 record in July, I'd have to say that I'm pretty happy...
...which basically means that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will the Rockies come in and sweep? Will the All-Star break take this overdue momentum away from the team? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but the good news is that the Mets are in this race past the midpoint of the season, and after their rocky start, I can't ask for much more.
BTW
David Wright did not make the All-Star team, but he was one of five players in National League's Final Vote, which the fans get to decide. I think I voted for him about 20 times. The voting just ended, so hopefully he made the team. I don't necessarily think the game is that important (even though it counts now, blah blah), but certain players should get the recognition they deserve.
Later!
~MissMet