NFC East Preview

By White Boy South Bronx

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Dallas Cowboys 13-3, 1^st place, #1 seed in NFC- Lord knows I absolutely abhor that silver helmet with the Blue star etched across it. The mere sight of TO makes me ill as does the sight of his newest teammate and accomplice to attempted murder, Pacman Jones. However, this team is loaded. They have an excellent, if not "A-Rodian" in terms of clutchness, QB and the best receiver in the game. Jason Witten is amongst the games finest TE’s and the promotion of Marion Barber III to fulltime starter duties will greatly improve an already explosive offense. Felix Jones, Darren McFadden’s backup at Arkansas, comes into the league highly regarded by scouts as a future impact player in the league. The Dallas defense is also stacked with Pro Bowl lineman Demarcus Ware, Cornerback Terrence Newman and Safety Roy Williams. Although Williams leaves a lot to be desired in terms of his cover skills, he is a fierce hitter and a solid overall safety. Dallas’s only weakness is its collective lack of playoff experience and gravitas. It’s QB and head coach have zero playoff wins and Romo has been a huge part of two monumental choke jobs first to the Seahawks and then last year to the Giants. The only thing holding back Dallas from a run to the Bowl is Dallas itself.

2) Philadelphia Eagles, 11-5, 2^nd place, #5 seed in NFC- The Eagles scare any honest NFC East fan. (Editor’s note: including Philly fans) Philly has one of the game’s most respected and intelligent defensive coordinators in Jim Johnson and he has plenty of weapons to work with including perennial Pro Bowler and future hall of fame safety Brian Dawkins and the free agent superstar cornerback Asante Samuel. Although Sheldon Brown and Lito Shepherd do not scare me, DE Trent Cole certainly does. McNabb is getting older and is no longer the threat to run that he used to be, but is still a top 10 QB in the league. Additionally, he has the NFC’s most versatile running back Brian Westbrook lining up in the backfield every play. If Donovan and Westbrook can stay healthy for a full season, you would have to expect Philly to find its way back into the postseason and I do not envy the team that draws these guys in a first round matchup.

1 New York Giants, 9-7, 3^rd place #6 seed in NFC- The defending champions are as poor a candidate to defend its crown as any returning champ in recent memory. Rarely does a defending champion lose its two best players from the season prior, Strahan to retirement and Osi to a knee injury, and expect to repeat. Defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo is arguably the best young coach in the National Football League; his blitzing aggressive schemes were a welcome change from the more conservative approach of “Tiny” Tim Lewis. I am not ready however to pronounce Eli as a top 5 QB yet. He had a great month but he has to prove he can do that throughout the grind of a 16 game regular season the way his brother and Tom Brady has. Plaxico is always hurt and may not ever again be the truly explosive receiver he was in the past. The rushing attack will be solid with a 1-2 punch of the tough and deceptively quick Brandon Jacobs followed by the quick and deceptively tough Ahmad Bradshaw. The losses of both Osi and Strahan will hurt the Giant’s chances of realistically contending for the title this year but it won’t stop New York from making its 4^th consecutive playoff appearance.

2) Washington Redskins 7-9, 4^th place, No playoff appearance- It has become fashionable to pick the Redskins as the team to surprise people each year it seems. I’m not sure why. Jason Campbell has not really shown anything yet to convince you he can be a good everyday QB. In fact, the team was languishing at 5-7 before he got injured midway through a game against the Bears only to see Todd Collins steward the team to a 4-0 finish and a wildcard playoff berth. Clinton Portis is always a tough matchup for any defense and Santana Moss is a very tough cover. As great as the ex-Bronco and ex-Jet have performed, Brandon Lloyd and Antwon Randle El have been huge disappointments, coming over in free agency. Washington has some talented guys on defense including LB Marcus Washington, safety LaRon Landry and Cornerback Fred Smoot. They also traded for future hall of fame DE Jason Taylor to fill the void left by the season ending injury to Phillip Daniels. But Washington is counting on a rookie head coach to lead the hog nation to the Promised Land. I don’t think the Skins are a bad team, but they are in a division with 3 really good teams and are not as good as any of them.

-White Boy South Bronx

I Love College Football

Florida plays host to Miami in six days, and Tebow is ready for the Canes' six-game winning streak against the Gators to end.

''We're going to change that,'' Tebow said.

Attention, Miami Hurricanes: Florida senior receiver Louis Murphy has something to add.

'I don't refer to them as `The U,' '' Murphy said. 'Because `U' stands for university, and we're the real university.''

Hell yes. It's about time someone stepped up to da U. I mean really who gives a damn about the U? They haven't done shit in a while outside of fight little known Florida International. The Gators on the other hand simply dominate.

lame.

Anyway, I'm firmly on the Gator bandwagon for this one. The U is black and white tv while Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and the Gators are HD.

Anyway, here's to rivalry week!

NFC West Preview

Being a benevolent dictator has some disadvantages; most notably, when you say you’ll dissect the division that no one wants, it becomes your job to find some positive things to say about the San Francisco 49ers. Well, without further ado, let’s see what we can come up with

1. Seattle Seahawks

3 Positives:

1. Not only the baldest quarterback in the league, but one of the most consistent in Matt Hasselbeck.

2. Julius Jones is usually good for 7 or 8 runs of 50+ yards each year.

3. The defense is sprinkled with some solid names. Among them: DE Patrick Kerney, LB’s Julian Peterson and Lofa Tatupu, and CB’s Marcus Trufant and Kelly Jennings.

3 Negatives:

1. Nate Burleson is probably pretty good, but who the hell are the other wide receivers? Courtney Taylor? Ben Obomanu? Who are you people?

2. I’m not saying Julius Jones is a hit or miss RB, but if he has 8 runs of 50 yards this year, he’ll still probably end the season with less than 500 yards.

3. Sure, traveling to Seattle sucks for opponents. But at the same time, Seattle has to consistently travel pretty far for its road games, including Buffalo, Miami, Tampa Bay, and East Rutherford. Their closest road game is probably San Francisco.

Prediction:
Seattle is a decent team in a division that may be improving but is still pretty bad; possibly the worst in the NFL. Baldzilla Hasselbeck should be enough to get this team into the playoffs again. But they’ll lose to the Giants in the 1^st round. 9-7

2. St. Louis Rams

3 Positives:

1. Playing 6 games against the rest of the NFC West.

2. Stephen Jackson could one day turn into a serviceable running back. Remember that you heard it here first.

3. Chris Long, a crafty, hardworking, (insert more adjectives reserved for all white athletes here) football player. But seriously, he’s probably going to be good.

3 Negatives

1. Only get to play San Francisco and Arizona 4 games. The rest are against real teams. Except for one against the Falcons.

2. How will RT Alex Barron fare after having spent the offseason covering the Red Sox for SUS?

3. Pisa Tinoisamoa and Oshiomogho Atogwe are starting. Are they any good? Maybe. I just feel bad for the Rams play-by-play guys.

Prediction
The stupidest things uttered by most of the mainstream media is that the Jets and the Rams are going to improve. They were 3-13, and they’re not the Cardinals, Falcons, or 49ers; of course they’re going to improve! But they’re not going to the Super Bowl. Or the playoffs. 7-9

Arizona Cardinals

3 Positives

1. Larry Fitzgerald. Even the broken clock that is the Cardinals front office is right twice a day.

2. Matt Leinart on the team means that when this team gets off to an 0-8 start, at least Nick Lachey and his entourage will be in the stands. This is great news for Cardinals ownership so long as Lachey’s entourage goes 50,000 deep.

3. Teammates love to be serenaded by Edgerrin James’ tales of his previous life with the Colts.

3 Negatives

1. Remember when Kurt Warner was old and washed up? That was 2004. Now he’s the starter.

2. How low has Matt Leinart’s star fallen? Kurt Warner legitimately earned the starting quarterback job.

3. Anquan Boldin has been their most consistent player over the last few years. Oh, and he aint speaking to anyone on the team. Oops.

Prediction:
White Boy says he’s sick of everyone consistently talking about the Cardinals as the trendy sleeper pick. Well, apparently the media has caught up with him, and no one’s picking the Cards to do anything this year. And maybe the media’s correct here. 6-10.

San Francisco 49ers

3 positives

1. Patrick Willis is young, talented, and an awesome inside linebacker. Plenty of people on the 49ers roster should not be starting in the NFL. He’s not one of them.

2. Frank Gore. Very good.

3. I got nothing. Onto the negatives!

3 Negatives

1. Montana…Young…J.T. O’ Sullivan? Yup, the quarterback most likely to open an Irish Pub is also starting for SF this year. Go Niners.

2. Isaac Bruce and Bryant Johnson are the starting wide receivers this year. One of them is past is prime. The other never had one.

3. Seriously, J.T. O’ Sullivan. Though would you trust your team to the douche pictured above?

Predictions
It’s not worth my time or yours to get in depth about this. 4-12.

AFC North Season Preview

Pittsburgh Steelers


Additions: Rashard Mendenhall, Justin Hartwig, Limas Sweed, Mewelde Moore

Subtractions: Alan Faneca, Clark Haggans, Cedrick Wilson, Najeh Davenport

The Steelers are the favorites again this year for obvious reasons. They return much of the same crew that saw them win the AFC North at 10-6 last year with some noticeable upgrades in some areas specifically in the skill positions on the offensive side of the ball. Mewelde Moore actually gives them a pass catching runner option who is going to be deadly on the 3rd downs out of the backfield. Mendenhall and Sweed will bolster an already formidable offense down the ride with Mendenhall to see some significant action this year provided he learns how to learn on to the football.

The Steelers are poised to reach new heights offensively and alter the notion that this run, run, run team and become a top 3 offense in the AFC. The only thing holding this team back from another deep playoff run is the horrendous offensive line. Faneca’s departure is about as overrated as they come as young buck Chris Kemoeatu takes over. Kemo is a beast and will make people forget about crybaby Alan. C Sean Mahan in his horrendousness was recently traded for Devo's 3rd grade backpack as FA C Justin Hartwig will take over. Don't get me wrong, Hartwig too is average but at least is a bit bigger and can hold the point against bigger NT’s that the AFC seem to have an abundance of. The Right side of the line might be the worst in football with the horrendous Kendoll Simmons and equally horrendous Willie the Colon take turns allowing unneeded pressure on Roth. However, both have played decently in stretches and will need to find their game for this offense to be great.

Sad to say this might be the year that the age catches up to the key players. Both offensively and defensively the Steelers employ guys long in the tooth and the current administration deems the young guys not ready because "they don't know the playbook". As a result, themes exposed by Jacksonville and New England and lack of speed overall with hurt the once mighty Stillers especially on defense.

The Defensive line depth is a major concern as all 3 starters and 3 backups are all over 30. Injuries exposed this unit last year and age may expose them this year. Not to mention Casey Hampton and his ever expanding girth who has now been morphed from the best NT in football to now a mere clogger in the same vein as Ted Washington, Sam Adams. Whether this means run stuffer or artery clogger remains to be seen.

The linebackers got a jolt of energy with 2nd year men Lawrence Timmons and Lamar Woodley getting some much needed snaps. These two will be dynamic in this defense and provide noticeable upgrades when on the field. James Farrior in the middle is still solid and James Harrison is coming off a pro bowl year. Look out because this could be fun to watch.

The secondary isn't nearly as poor as ESPN would have you believe. The zone blitzing defense tries to prevent the big play so a ton of soft zone coverage is there. With Tomlin taking more control of this team, we can expect less softness and more cover-2.

The 2005 Superbowl team was the end of an era. This new Steeler team that is slowly retooling to go on another championship run. Is this the year for them? Nope but they'll be around and with BRoth have a chance to win this division for the next 10+ years.

Projected record: 10-6



Cleveland Browns



Additions: Shaun Rogers, Corey Williams, Donte Stallworth, Travis Daniels

Subtractions: Leigh Bodden, Gary Baxter

The Browns are everyone’s Cinderella story to come out of the North just for the simple fact they spent money in the off-season. Whoop-dee-do.

The offense is among one of the leagues best with a number of options and a variety of ways to score on you. Derek Anderson broke out and is among one of the leagues best but as the season progressed, teams begin to keep Anderson bottled up through various blitzing. Anderson has a quick release but had horrendous mechanics once he has heads in his kitchen. Teams caught on and the book was out on him. Regardless, Anderson must prove that last year was not a fluke and will not be surprised by anyone in the league anymore.

The Browns saw Jamal Lewis rejuvenate himself last season as he returned to the hard running, try hard sort of guy perfect for this offense. Backing him up are Jason Wright and Jerome Harrison who offer next to nothing in terms of potential starters but are adequate subs.

The strength of this offense is it’s passing game. Cleveland added speedster Donte Staalworth to add some much need speed to the receiving corps. Braylon Edwards took his game to the next level and Joe Jurevicius and Travis Wilson offer some depth on the back end. Cleveland needs to utilize these guys to truly become a dominant offense. Kellen Winslow is a superstar at the tight end level and is weapon 1A in this offense.

The Brownie O-Line is more suited to pass blocking than run blocking but are very talented. Joe Thomas has perfect footwork for a linemen but has struggled in the run blocking area. Steinbach is much the same but picks off linebackers like the best of them. The Browns got great years out of Hank Fraley and Rex Tucker but they might come back down to earth. Kevin Schaeffer is a above average RT with above average run block skills. Add Tackle Eligible Steve Heiden and the Browns do have the best line in the division.

While Crennel and Phil Savage were conjuring up run stuffing abilities, they overlooked the fact that there are no corners on this roster that would be anything more than #4 corners on other teams in the division.

Eric Wright is the best of the bunch and has the skillset to be a star but struggled mightly in his rookie season and will be matched up again the best receivers. Brandon McDonald is #2 but really who the heck is here and he too will get torched. Terry Cousin was a nickel back in Madden 2001 and he still is only 8 years older and slower. Travis Daniels and AJ Davis provide youth and upside in Dime and Quarter situations but really are nothing to write home about yet.

Safeties Sean Jones and Brodney Pool are good and will have to be to help keep other teams from scoring 40 on them every night.

That being said, the front seven of Cleveland is very good. The DL should be top notch by mid season and the linebackers are great. Kamerion Wimbley is one of the league’s elite pass rushers and D’Qwell Jackson and Andra Davis are solid playmakers in the middle. Old bastard Willie McGinest continues to play but will likely be spelled by Antwan Peek on 3rd downs.

Rogers finally gives them a NT in the 3-4 but he has never played the role. Ditto Corey Williams who was a pass rusher for the Packers and whether his run-stuffing abilities are up to snuff is another question mark. Granted, Williams has the skillset to rock out in 3-4 end mode the issue is how long will he take to grow into this role. Moreover, will he be able to take the 30+ snaps a game as opposed to coming in on 15+ snaps for the Packers last year.

Whether Cleveland will become the first team to win a championship by spending boatloads remains to be seen – they still have enough talent to come out of the AFC North despite a tough schedule. Unfortunately, they are still another good off-season away. The book will be out on Derek Andersen soon enough and every DC in the AFC will get in line for that.

Projected Record: 7-9


Cincinnati Bengals


Additions: Keith Rivers, Antwan Odom, Ben Utecht, Pat Sims, Jason Shirley, Chris Henry, Darryl Blackstock

Subtractions: Odell Thurman, Justin Smith, Madieu Williams, Landon Johnson, Rudi Johnson, Willie Anderson, Delta O’Neal

Once again the Bungs look to bounce back from a wildly disappointing 2007 with some new faces and same convicts.

Offensively, they are a threat to put up 30 points a game.

Carson Palmer looks the part. He throws a pretty ball and has decent mechanics the problem with him as noted by yours truly is his seemingly uncontrollable need to force plays especially when the going gets tough. Palmer is the epitome of a guy that will get you 3 when you need 7 and most importantly, he looks gun shy in the pocket and his once flawless mechanics have also taken a back seat.

Kenny Watson was solid as a fill-in last season and will need to take the next step to take the pressure of Palmer. Former first round pick, Chris Perry returns from injury to provide a nice 3rd down threat and a dangerous weapon for this offense.

The receivers are again talented as all hell. You know what you get with Doucheman and CJ. Piss Henry returns from suspension and by all means should turn his life around because this should be his last chance. Sad thing is Henry is one of the most talented receivers in the league and truly a major weapon for the Bungs 3 receiver set. Rookie Jerome Simpson will get a strong look, as will Andre Caldwell and Antonio Chatman to fill out the bottom run.

Ben Utecht signed from Indianapolis gives Palmer a true receiving TE and will likely see looks and attention doubled from what he got from the Colts. Reggie Kelly provides a solid blocker and experience to get the job done when needed.

The OL is still the best part of the team with bookends Levi Jones and Stacy Andrews all ready to man the tackle spots. If they can stay healthy than the Bengals have a good shot to keep Palmer clean and that’s when he’s at his best.

Defensively, they’ve lost some players on defense but overall should see a modicum of improvement. Pat Sims and Shirley give this team two actual run stuffers which should help the defenseline a bit more. Odom and Geathers are solid pass rushers that should combine for around 15-20 sacks. Linebackers are filled with your average set of scrubs but Ahmad Brooks and Keith Rivers are young and supremely talented.

The secondary is young and aggressive but prone to the big play. Jonathan Joseph and Leon are going to be the conference’s best in a short while but go for big plays and are too aggressive. Safeties Dexter Jackson is old but still solid if you like slow, averaged speed, “secondary” coaches while Marvin White brings the wood.

Projected Record: 7-9



Baltimore Ravens


Additions: Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, Lorenzo Neal, Fabian Washington

Subtractions: Jon Ogden, Steve McNair, Musa Smith

The Rats are on the verge of rebuilding as their once mighty core is now shriveling up into mediocrity. Despite all this, the Ravens under Ozzie Newson are very strong talent evaluators who are able to quickly get infusions of youth when needed and this past off-season was no exception.

Sure Jon Ogden is gone but the Ravens have a young corp of O-Linemen that can get the job done. They aren’t world beaters by any means and their tackles are inexperienced but in a couple years, they could be among the league’s best again.

The QB is definite weakness with Kyle Bller and Troy Smith battling it out to a draw in suckiness, meaning young Joe Flacco will take the reigns. Running backs are still strong with the addition of Ray Rice to spell McGahee. Rice will also have less durability issues in this role and be more of a help to the team as the change of pace guy. McGahee needs to prove he can handle the load week after week and not get banged up.

The receivers are talented but one of Clayton and Williams must break out to help Derek Mason. Todd Heap is elite but needs to be healthy. Something that hasn’t been the case for a while now.
Outside of that, this is still the same slow, prodding offense as years past.

Defensive however is still one of the tops of the league. Ngata is among the league’s best NT with some solid flanking work by lunch pail, Kelly Gregg and a healthy Trevor Pryce.

The linebackers are still good with only Jarret Johnson being the weak link. Ray the Murderer Lewis is back and will continue to play the role of cheerleader in the same vein he has been for the last 4 years. Bart Scott and Suggs are elite. The Rats can also seemless transition between the 3-4 and 4-3 and Rex Ryan is back with the same blitz-those-motherfuckers-attack philosophy.

Last year the Rats got dicked with injuries to their corners Rolle and McCallister but since than have added ex Gayder speedster, Fabian Washington to give them some depth in that regard. They could obviously use more but as the Giants proved, you don’t need world beaters for corners.

Still with any injuries to the front 7, this will be a long season for this defense. As the offense again, can’t be relied on to do much. The Rats will be in full rebuilding mode by next season.

Projected Record: 4-12

I'm In Love with Linda Cohn. There I said it.

Some would say that it's because she's a chick who knows her sports. Others would say it's because she's a hockey fan, even if she loves the Rangers. But nah, I'm going with the fact that she picked the Giants to get back to the Super Bowl on Mike & Mike this morning.

Linda, feel free to stroll by SUS headquarters and write a guest piece for us anytime.

AFC West Preview

Greetings reader(s) and welcome back to your shitty life/job after summer and the long weekend. I am here to bring you the AFC West preview for the 2008-09 National Football League season. In honor of going out west to cowboy country, we are touring the division with the easiest schedules in the style of one of the greatest movies ever made. Who said all the Italians could make was pasta sauce and fast cars?






Whales Vagina Chargers:
The Good: Everyone is picking these guys to run away with the conference. I'm not necessarily going to disagree with that assessment, as they have the most explosive offense in the AFC(I went there pats fans) and a defense that can run with the big boys, even with/without a knee-less Shawne Merriman. Phillip Rivers proved to me in the playoffs last year that he has the balls it takes to lead an NFL team all the way, by playing injured while the teams biggest weapon sat on the sideline sulking. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge LT(sorry Gints fans, your nickname goes up for grabs when you become a crackhead) fan, the man is an animal on the football field, and if you are hurt, you are hurt, but it was Rivers who we all expected to be sitting that one out. But enough about the past. This is a team all about the now, and they are angry they didn't get a chance for a ring last year. As long as Gates's toe doesn't keep him out for an extended stretch, and they have 2 wide receivers with a pulse, this team is going to put some points on the board. An easy schedule will allow this D to dominate and this team is going to win a lot of games this year.

Brick Tamland: Another huge LT fan

The Bad: If you've been anywhere near the ESPN empire in the past week, you know Shawne Merriman is pretty much taking the biggest gamble on a gimpy leg since Kirk Gibson limped out of the dugout in October '88. From everything Ive read, playing football is about the dumbest thing this guy could do with these injuries, but hey, no one ever said steroids make you smart. Sometimes you can be too hardcore. I know some of the SUS staff aren't big fans of this guy, but hes a baller, and the defense will suffer without him. Some would say injuries are the only thing that kept the Chargers out of last years Super Bowl(sue me NFL, please), and those some would probably be right. They cant afford another year in the M.A.S.H. unit.

The Ugly: Norv Turner still coaches this team.

The Prediction: 12-4





Denver Donkeys:
The Good: Well, this is the big year for Jay Cutler. Everyone is talking about him making the leap to the next level this year. Cutler is no Roethlisberger, so I'm not expecting miracles from him, but he had a great connection with Brandon Marshall that should continue this year. Cutler to Marshall could become a common phrase in the next few years, possibly at the elite level. Put that together with Mike Shanahan's plug and play running attack and you have something to win games with. Champ Bailey looks to be his usual self, taking out the opposing offense's top aerial threat on most plays. A good draft class consisting of highly touted tackle Ryan Clady, a rookie who will put down roots in the starting LT spot, and sleeper fantasy pick Eddie Royal will help rejuvenate this squad and start to grow a winning team. The rumors of the Donkey's demise are much exaggerated, they are on their way back up.

The Bad: I guess I like Selvin Young, I have to, hes on my fantasy team, but it just seems like we roll the dice every year with no-names at running back, keeping the faith that zone-blocking and illegally diving at defensive linemen's knees will get the Broncos back into contention in a tough conference. This team may be on its way up, but its still got some room to grow. The defense has some standouts, but will not be able to stop the onslaught of the Chargers. A weak schedule will help, and perhaps let them squeak a wild-card berth, but they wont go much farther than that.

The Ugly: This is a young team, and young teams make mistakes. Sometimes bad ones. And besides, remember the last Denver QB to wear #6?

The Prediction: 9-7



Al Davis finally meets his long lost son

Oakland's Aggressive Pirates:
The Good: I'm going to try to remain positive in "The Good" category, but don't blame me if I fail. Al Davis decided to do his best Dan Snyder impersonation this offseason, spending money to build a team he can see achieve a winning record before he dies, and yet still he keeps the rumors of firing his head coach swirling. Lane Kiffin isn't in the worst spot tho, I doubt being fired by Al Davis will hurt your resume as much as being fired by some other, less insane owner. The additions made in the offseason will certainly help, there is no doubt about that. On paper, the Raiders have a totally baller defensive secondary, with two of the best corners in the game able to make 3 hours on Sunday rough for opposing QBs, allowing Gibril WIlson to help stop the run. On the other side of the ball, Darren McFadden will add punch to an already decent running attack. Justin Fargas had a decent year last year, but hes a 2nd option at best.

The Bad: Gibril Wilson might be the only guy trying to stop the run, as this front seven sucks. Oh you know who else sucks? JaMarcus Russell. This will be my second year on the anti-JaMarcus bandwagon, and the seats are still just as comfortable(free wifi this year!). This guy had one great(maybe only good even) game in college that everyone saw, so he automatically became THE guy. But theres a problem, hes not that good. Its great to have a cannon for an arm, but if you cant aim that cannon, or move away from marauding D-linemen, it doesn't do you any good.



The Ugly: We all take Oakland's dysfunction for granted at this point, but there is something magical about it really. Its become the land of the misfit superstar, and Javon Walker will be no different. Al Davis's disregard for character is charming in some ways, but lately it hasn't been winning football games. Look for Walker to pull a Moss and be a non-factor by seasons end.

The Prediction: 6-10



The high point of the season

Kansas City's Less Embarassing Professional Sports Franchise:
The Good: Tony Gonzalez, Dwayne Bowe, Larry Johnson.....2008 draft class(Glen Dorsey, Brandon Albert), maybe. Theres not much to cover here.

The Bad: Pretty much everyone else.

The Ugly: Rebuilding years are ugly by nature, and this one is no different. This team is gonna suck hind tit in the AFC West and will be good cannon fodder for the Chargers and the Broncos. The Raiders might be fucked up enough to drop one to these misfits. KC, say goodbye to the 08-09 season and hello to another top 5 draft pick next April.

The Prediction: 4-12

Questions Going Into the NFL Season- AFC Edition

As the new NFL season approaches, every team has a few questions going into training camp, and still more by the time the season starts. But what are those questions? I’m going to go team by team with what I feel are the biggest questions for every team.



AFC North

Baltimore Ravens
Question: Is Joe Flacco the next Kyle Boller?
Kyle Boller is one of my favorite players. Why? Because he sucks. As a Steeler fan I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the misery Boller has inflicted on the Ravens and their fans after they have put so much effort into him and failed to make him into anything but a joke. Flacco transferred to some no name school because he couldn’t get past back up at Pitt. Pitt, the school that hasn’t had a good QB since a guy named Dan Marino graced the field. Again the Ravens are investing highly in a guy that doesn’t seem to have much to him. Will he be Kyle Boller 2.0? God I hope so.


Cincinnati Bengals
Question: How many arrests will the Bengals have?
Yeah they trimmed some of the fat, but they still have a bunch of self centered head cases who care more for themselves than the team. Plus they really don’t seem to pay attention to the coach anymore. They say they are trying to shake their criminal image, but does anyone really believe the steps they have taken will do much? Especially after they resigned Chris Henry, who is already suspended the first four games of the season.

Special bonus deleted scene:
Question: Will Carson Palmer finally get blamed for losing the game?
Mahatma has chronicled the exploits of the Palmer game breaking interception, and it’s looking like this is fact, not coincidence. When the game goes well, it’s because of Carson. When it goes bad, it’s Marvin Lewis, even though Palmer is the one who screwed up. At some point they’re going to have to realize he isn’t an elite QB and actually put the blame where it belongs.


Cleveland Browns
Question: Why is everyone thinking they are so good?
Really. A QB that’s had one good year and a few free agents and everyone is calling this team AFC North champions and destined for at least the conference championship. I’m predicting the Browns falter once again as the QB they give big money to ends up being a one year wonder. That leaves things to home town pretty boy Brady Quinn, that is if he can stop making homophobic comments to gays like himself.



Pittsburgh Steelers
Question: How often will their offensive line let Roethlisberger get killed?
Last year the offensive line was the Steelers Achilles heal. That and recovering from thirteen years of Bill Cowhard football. Big Ben got flattened more times than any other playoff QB, and it was a miracle they won their division given how bad this line was. When you have a center who is incapable of hiking the ball and remain standing (seriously, that’s not a joke) you think you couldn’t get much worse. But we’ll see if Ben is still alive end of year.

Special bonus deleted scene:
Original Question: Will they get rid of their mascot?
It took exactly five seconds after Steely McBeam’s unveiling for the entire Steeler fanbase to hate him, and about two weeks for the rest of the NFL to stop laughing. The Rooney’s wont give the fans cheerleaders, but they’ll give them this.




AFC East

Buffalo Bills
Question: Will people shut up about them moving to Toronto?
It’s not happening. The NFL is trying to expand more to other countries and that includes Canada (well, if you consider them another country and not the 51st state, but I digress). Plus know this: at every Sabres hockey game they sing the Canadian national anthem because they are in close proximity and get a lot of Canadians at the games. So if you're trying to expand influence, why not to the people who already come to the city and can take it back with them?


Miami Dolphins
Question: Can Bill Parcells actually get fatter?
Seriously, he’s nearly as round as he is tall. It’s embarrassing really. And I’m tired of hearing what a guru he is at football. What has this guy done in the past twenty years? NOTHING! A fricken Superbowl decades ago and people treat him like he’s a genius. By that logic, this man too is a genius.



New England Patriots
Question: What will the Pats do to make everyone hate them more?
They cheat on and off the field and display a level of douchebaggery few can actually match if they tried. So how can we hate this team anymore than we already do now? Well, they have Bill Belichick, cheater extraordinaire (ask his wife) and Tom Brady, the great human being who dumped his girlfriend immediately after she gave birth to his demon seed. And let’s not forget a supporting cast with the likes of Wes Welker, Rodney Harrison and Mike Vrabel, they’ll come up with something. Of course a good runner up questions is “How much will the Patriots cheat this year” but I’m sure it’s going to be a lot. And because it is still awesome, 18-1


New York Jets
Question: How long until Jets fans hate the “There’s Something About Mary” guy?
I’m not mentioning his name because I’m sick of hearing it. We all are. He’s not the same player who won his team a Super Bowl and I doubt he is capable of leading the Jets beyond mediocrity. And if he does do that, how long will it take for New York to turn on him? If management thinks he’s the answer, they’re in for a long season.

Special bonus deleted scene:
Original Question: Will Chad Pennington finally break down and cry on the field?
Chad is a QB who once had much potential, but constant shoulder injuries have kept him from developing into the QB he was supposed to be, not to mention a decent one the past few years. And let’s face it; a New York crowd isn’t exactly a forgiving or patient one. So when he constantly gets booed once more, will he finally just let if out and start bawling his eyes out on the way to the sideline?


AFC South

Houston Texans
Question: Will we actually hear them mentioned in the media?
I swear I never hear anything about this team other than to compare how Mario Williams and Reggie Bush are doing. Maybe it’s me, but this team just seems to fall into obscurity for me.


Indianapolis Colts
Question: For the love of god, can we talk about something other than Peyton?
I don’t care what it is. Tony Dungy, someone else being injured, rising concession prices, the owner paid a fan to dance in his booth, just anything but Peyton Manning!


Jacksonville Jaguars
Question: Will people finally realize Jack Del Rio is a douchebag and meat head?
You look at the guy and you just see that high school jock who can barely write his name out. The one those of us with any remote intelligence had to keep afloat during our high school history projects by reminding him it was the North that wanted to free the slaves, and that we didn’t beat Germany in the Revolutionary War. He’s the kind of guy you want to punch because you see so little signs of brain activity, and yet for some reason gets credit for being a good coach despite just sitting on the sideline and looking like he’s semi-retarded.

Tennessee Titans
Question: Will Vince Young step it up this year?
Victimized by the Madden Curse, Young had an injury plagued year where he went from being lavished the year before to bashed the next. The Titans are getting better after rebuilding so look for Vince to improve along with them.



AFC West

Denver Broncos
Question: Is Jay Cutler the real deal?
When drafted many thought he was merely the third best QB in a draft class that was getting hyped because of it. But he hasn’t been bad so far, and many are starting to think he will mature into a good starting quarterback. Time will tell, but I think many still have their doubts.


Kansas City Chiefs
Question: Will people finally stop treating Herm Edwards like he is a really good coach?
It’s not that he’s a bad coach, but I just have never been impressed with the teams he has fielded. You can give him some benefit of the doubt for trying to rebuild KC, but have they really gotten that much better since he arrived? Not to mention he was traded, and how often do coaches actually get traded?


Oakland Raiders
Question: Whatever the punch line is this year
It seems like every year the Raiders have some new trick up their sleeve on how to make themselves a joke, and Al Davis is always behind it. So what does the meddling owner have up his sleeve this year? I think he’s looking to surprise us this year. Though I doubt he will ever top the Art Shell ordeal.


Sand Diego Chargers
Question: Will Shawne Merriman continue to prove he is nothing without steroids?
“Lights out” is making it happen to his own career. Since being caught for steroids and laying off the juice Merriman has become mostly invisible. Despite media outlets like ESPN constantly trying to make him to still be great, he seems destined for mediocrity, if that, without the help of his good old roids.

Special bonus deleted scene:
Original Question: Will Chargers fans finally stop calling Ladanian Tomlinson LT?
Because there is only one LT, and it is this man:

When will Ladanian be allowed to be called LT? When he ruins Joe Theisman’s career, that’s when. And I am willing to settle for his announcing career.

An Open Letter to Michael from The Wire

Dear Michael,

You ended The Wire as the up-and-coming soon-to-be most feared street criminal in Baltimore. You're a badass.
So it's now on you to take your shotgun into Beverly Hills, and do everything in your power to end this new '90210' show and maintain, among other things, your legacy and dignity. And if you can't do that, at least wipe this douchebag's smile off his face.

SUS Previews the AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts

3 positives

1. Mastercard’s own Peyton Manning. Still good.

2. Dwight Freeney returns this year to help a team that was date raped with injuries last year to Freeney and Marvin Harrison among others.

3. Reggie Wayne is coming off of his best season where he had 104 catches for 1,510 yards and 10 touchdowns. As a Marvin Harrison fantasy owner, this annoyed me to no end.

3 Negatives

1. Marvin Harrison. Is he back? Is he still hurt? Is he going to jail for murder? Does he need a lawyer? The answer to all of these is maybe, probably not, hopefully not, and unfortunately (for me) not. But he’s still 36.

2. Starting center Jeff Saturday is going to miss a bunch of games to start the year. You don’t win friends with salad, and you don’t get past the Patriots with a backup center. But on a positive note, the backup center is Steve Justice. Who is this guy? I don’t know, but he’ll win the 2^nd annual Winston Justice “Justice has been served” award if Saturday isn’t back for the Patriots game.

3. Jared Lorenzen was cut by the Colts. From a pure football standpoint, this was a wise move. But as far as entertainment value goes, any Giant fan can tell their Indy counterparts that you haven’t lived until you’ve seen the Hefty Lefty convert a 3^rd and short.

Prediction:

The Colts are fairly banged up, but they still have the best regular season quarterback in the NFL, complimented by a great young running back in Joe Addai. The defense, led by Bob Sanders isn’t great, but does it have to be? They’ll make the playoffs again. And there’s a good chance they’ll lose to a less talented team in the playoffs. Again.
10-6. Loss at home in the first round to Jacksonville.

Jacksonville Jaguars

3 Positives

1. Not only is David Garrard settled as the Jacksonville QB, but there are two people who are not allowed into Jacksonville: Osama Bin Laden and Byron Leftwich.

2. Other than the Patriots, no team plays Peyton and the Colts tougher.

3. Fred Taylor, who earns props for going from King of the Groin Pulls to a potential Hall of Famer. Taylor is currently 17^th in the NFL in career rushing yards, and is roughly 700 yards away from moving up to 14^th on the list, easily attainable by season’s end.

3 Negatives

1. Wide Receivers. Troy Williamson, Reggie Williams, and Matt “Cocaine” Jones don’t keep opposing cornerbacks up at night. And for that matter neither does Jerry Porter, who was recently taken off of the PUP list but will still miss some games.

2. The Jaguars traded up in the draft to take Derrick Harvey with the 8^th pick in the first round. He also reported to training camp roughly 10 days ago. Ask Brady Quinn and seemingly every mid 90’s Giants first round pick how holding out of camp worked for them? And if you’re unable to reach Jarrod Bunch or Derek Brown, let me just answer for them that holding out began the end of their careers.

3. I and apparently the City of Jacksonville don’t care enough about this team to even include another negative here.

Prediction:

They’ll be good again this year. Much of the same team returns with a year of playoff experience under their belt. They’ll be good enough to participate in the annual Peyton Manning January collapse, but their run will end the same place as last year, Foxboro, Massachusetts. 10-6. Loss to New England in 2^nd round.

Houston Texans

3 Positives

1. Relax Houston, David Carr is in New York and apparently not going anywhere.

2. Remember when Vince Young, Reggie Bush, and Matt Leinart were going to redefine the NFL? Yeah, Mario Williams and his 14 sacks say hi.

3. Look, I don’t know if Dunta Robinson is any good, and as a Giants fan, I don't particularly care. But I do know that I love his name. Even if it’s pronounced Dante.

3 Negatives

1. Hey Giant fans, remember when Will Demps was our problem? Well say hello to Houston’s starting free safety!

2. Recently waived Tim Carter, AKA the most overrated Madden player ever. Actually, this is a positive for Houston, negative for me. For years my favorite Madden franchise project was turning him into a pro bowler.

3. Ahman Green was a very good running back 5 years ago. He stopped being a legit starting running back 3 years ago. He’s once again the Texans’ starting RB.

Prediction:

It took them long enough, but the Texans are actually inching towards respectability. With some improved drafting and shrewd free agent signings, Houston will earn its first playoff spot in franchise history. If they were in an easier division, they’d win it, but still no small feat for the newest franchise in the NFL. 9-7 1^st round playoff loss to San Diego.

Tennessee Titans

3 positives

1. Jeff Fisher continues to get the most out of his players and blah blah blah. But props for keeping an impressive ‘stache all these years.

2. Props to Tennessee’s best pick in the ’06 draft, Lendale White. He went to draft workouts overweight and seemed destined to be a bust, but is now the Titans starting running back and a legitimate #1 back.

3. Albert Haynesworth. When he’s not stomping out Cowboys, he’s putting up Pro Bowl numbers and has become one of the top 2 or 3 defensive tackles in the NFL.

3 Negatives

1. I’m just going to cut and paste this from above: Remember when Vince Young, Reggie Bush, and Matt Leinart were going to redefine the NFL? Yeah, Mario Williams and his 14 sacks say hi. Sure, VY may know how to “just win” games, but his QB numbers are amazingly average, and he has become Michael Vick at best.

2. Didn’t you used to be Jevon Kearse? I did a double take when looking at the Titan depth chart and saw this ex-Pro Bowler back at DE for Tennessee. Something tells me that if Philly thought he was worth keeping, they would have made the effort.

3. Hey Jet fans, remember Justin McCareins? Say hello to the #2 wide receiver in Tennessee. And while we’re here, shouldn’t Tennessee stop signing guys who were there for the glory years? Who do they think they are, the New Jersey Devils?

Prediction:
The prognosticators will call this the year that VY finally gets his shizz together and leads Tennessee to the promised land. They’ll be wrong. Maybe VY eventually becomes a productive NFL QB worthy of being the 3^rd draft pick in 2006. But not this year.
7-9.

Athletes We Would Not Piss On If They Were On Fire Part 2: The White Boy South Bronx Edition

Every child grows up worshiping athletes as their heroes only rivaled by their love of the Ninja Turtles. But you know what? Most of these children grow up to be bitter and jaded, learning to hate their opponents as much as they loved their childhood heroes. And thus, SUS brings you the first of a series, "Athletes We Wouldn't Piss On If They Were On Fire."

Part 2: White Boy South Bronx

1. Curt Schilling

I have nothing but respect for his incredible post-season exploits. He has completely embarrassed my club in the 2001 and 2004 post seasons and pitched pretty well in the 2007 second season as well. However, his non-stop gum flapping and redneck proclivities make him tough for this liberal Yankee fan to take. Whether it was his bush support in 04 or his whining in his blog or to WEEI, he just makes me want to vomit. He, more than any other Redsox, would, if he became a Yankee, cause me to turn in my pinstripes. (Editor's note: I'm calling bullshit on White Boy turning in his pinstripes unless Schilling became a Yankee AND lost 20 games.)

2. Tony Romo

This guy wins the "I want to punch you in the face" award. No athlete makes me angrier than Romo. He is a very good athlete on a high profile team, but the combination of my pure hatred for the Cowboys and his prima donna persona makes my blood boil. Nothing was more satisfying in the Giants run to glory than watching him completely fold under pressure in the divisional playoff game's closing moments. He missed a wide open Terell Owens (more on him shortly) many times and was victimized by horrid receiver play by Patrick Crayton (which of course he cried to his fellow teammates about. You and T.O. deserve each other.

3. Terrell Owens

This guy is unreal. He calls Garcia gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), blames Mcnabb for the Superbowl loss to the Pats, and then suddenly falls in love with Romo in Dallas. It was hilarious to see TO cry when people got on Romo, but it also made me angry. Why would you throw your former two QB's under a bus but fall in love with Romo? My guess is that TO is the unquestioned star on Dallas whereas he was sharing the spotlight with Garcia and Mcnabb in San Fran and Philly respectively. Dallas, to its credit, has showered TO with affection, praise and room to do whatever the heck he wants to keep him happy. Too bad Andy Reid and Steve Mariucci actually believed in the team-over-player philosophy. I hope he goes the way of A-Rod and joins the list of top 5 athletes never to win a title. Oh, and he made the game winning TD catch in that choke job playoff game vs the Giants in 2003. I didn't like that either.

4. Jose Reyes

This is retribution for MissMet's selection of Jeter on her list last week. Jeter, a class act who never, ever shows up the oppostion and has 4 rings to his credit, is the complete opposite of Reyes. (Editor's note: Reyes is also too fast to hit into as many double plays as Jeter.) Reyes is the most talented player the Mets have ever had. He is a 5 tool machine who changes games with his speed. But his arrogance and complete lack of sportsmanship don't sit well with this more old school style fan. A-Rod is just as bad with his stupid look-back-to-the-dugout garbage after he knows he hit a home run. Act like you have been there before kid. The Mets are hated around the NL for their Reyes style of play. I'll never forget the comments of a Marlins player after last year's Met's victory in the second game of that decisive 3 game set, "We would crawl back to the field to beat the Mets tomorrow". That is because Reyes is hated around the NL for his arrogance and tough to take for non-Mets fans.

5. Michael Jordan


No athlete caused more heartache in my childhood than this man. The greatest athlete in U.S. history, Michael seemed to especially destroy my beloved Knickerbockers. Whether it was his 55 point game in his Garden return after his first retirement, his waving bye-bye to Spike lee in the 1993 Eastern Conference Finals, or Charles Smith's infamous 5 blocked layup performance against the Bulls, I just associate him with terrible Knick moments. I've also heard/read he's a huge prick as per the book "the Jordan Rules" and the fact that he scared Kwame Brown into being one of the NBA's worst players.


-White Boy South Bronx

Top 5 non A-Rod reasons that this Yankee team is not postseason bound

I wanted to wait to write this post until the Yankees lost a truly sickening game. Thankfully/regrettably, today's 7-6 loss to the Jays was such a defeat. The Yankee's bullpen, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, allowed 5 runs over the final 3 innings. However, an A-Rod double play in the 9th and a Cano error on a sure double play ball in the 7th did not help the beleaguered bullpen. So without further adieu............

(1) Injuries to Wang and Joba-Although the offense has been atrocious this season (more on that soon) you would have to say that when a team loses its #1 and #2 starter, it is awfully tough to make the playoffs. In past season the Yankees have had shoddy starting pitching but could always rely on perennial 19 game winner Chien-Ming Wang to be the steadying force in the rotation. When he went down in mid June for the season; the Yankees were in trouble. But just as Wang was lost for the year, Joba began to assert himself as a dominant starting pitcher. He was learning "how to pitch" by starting off with low 90's fast balls and 2 seamers and then began to dial it up in later innings as the situations in the game became more crucial. However, in the middle of a start in early August in Texas, the Yankee's ace in the making succumbed to shoulder tendinitis. He has not pitched in a game since. As great as Mussina has been this year, Pettite has been awful in far too many starts this season, particularly against Boston, and Ponson and Rasner are just not any good. As great as Mussina has been this year, he does not have the dominating stuff and intimidating presence of Joba. But hey, at least we got Pavano....

(2) The Trade of Farnsworth for Pudge: I am the first to admit this trade excited me. I knew that Pudge was no longer the hall of fame catcher he had been in years past but he filled a void that the injury to Posada created (more on that later). Furthermore, the bullpen had been the strength of the team to that point as Edwar Ramirez and Jose Veras had been dominant much of the season so Farnsworth seemed expendable. But this trade has proven disastrous in 3 critical ways: (1) Pudge has done a horrendous job with the relief pitchers. Veras and Edwar Ramirez were excellent in the first half of the season when they were largely being caught by Jose Molina. Both had sub 3 eras before the all star break. Both have been atrocious since the break (Pudge was traded for only 10 days or so after the break) posting 5+ eras. (2) Farnsworth had a nearly perfect July posting a paltry 0.91 WHIP and 2.16 era. He had become the 8th inning anchor in the bullpen and Veras had become the 7th inning stalwart. Trading away Kyle completely destroyed the chemistry of the VerFarnsMo trio. (3) Pudge has been a downright pitiful offense player since he has joined the Yankees. Entering today's game he was 10 for his first 53 as a Yankee good for a below 200 batting average. I'm not suggesting that Molina is too much better offensively but he has done a far superior job defensively and the pitchers seem to trust him far more than Pudge.

(3) Jason Giambi: Giambi has had a very A-Rodian season. He has fairly good power numbers and a high on-base Percentage. However 18 of his 27 home runs have been of the solo variety and he has done miserably in the clutch only amassing a .200 batting average with runners in scoring position. It is a glaring indictment on your team's power guys when your 1-3 hitters all are around 300 and you are only middle of the pack offensively. In every season starting in 2005, either Giambi or A-Rod has carried the team offensively. In 2005 and 2007 A-Rod won MVPs and in 2006 Giambi had a phenomenal season. This is the first year where neither guy has had a great year and it has cost the team dearly.

(4) Robinson Cano- Devo will point out to you, as he has to me, that Cano is only our 7th or 8th hitter. This may be true, but the Yankees paid him handsomely this past off-season with the expectation that Cano would continue to be a .300 hitter and would develop a stronger batting eye and power swing. I keep hearing that he is a future 3 hitter, but I do not want Cano anywhere near the three hole! He has a horrid .310 on base percentage and takes till August to warm up (he hit .246 prior to the all star break). Furthermore, his complacency in the field, in spite of his brilliant abilities, is downright nauseating. Today he made a lazy flip to Jeter on a sure double play ball which sailed horribly low and wide leading to a 3 run inning which ultimately cost New York the game. He has made plays like this all season irritating the Yankee faithful. Cano needs to stop acting like a kid and start showing the game and the Yankees organization the respect they deserve. You are a high paid star now; act like it!

(5) Jorge Posada's season ending injury: This has received little attention as a cause for the Yankees relatively poor play this year. However, Jorge, more than Jeter, has been the emotional and fiery leader on this team for the better part of the past 8 seasons. His ability to work with younger pitchers and call a game, coupled with his offensive prowess as a switch hitting power hitter, makes him an indispensable player on this team. Molina has done a great job defensively but he can't replace Jorge's all around game. I remember saying to White Boy Senior after an exciting 14-9 win over the hated Angels earlier this month, "It's nice that we got this game but this team isn't going anywhere without Jorge". I wish I was wrong but sadly I was right. I can only hope that he comes back in April as good as new both defensively and at the plate so my favorite team does not have another sub-par season in 2009.

A 4 run lead in the 7th aint what it used to be: especially as a Yankee fan

I need 4 hours to take in this loss and then I will post about the biggest non A-rod reasons that this team won't make the playoffs at that point.

-A-Rod deserves a post all to himself as the main Yankee goat this year.

-Cano's mental in game vacations confirms to me he's not a winner. I used to love ya kid but today you went to far.

-Wow...I've already added a new hole in my closet door and slammed a no longer functional alarm clock into the ground so now I just need to go for a run or the gym later and I'll be ready to have a more coherent post about this year's team. And I know that I raised the white flag already but that doesn't mean games like this don't make me raving mad.