Happy Valentines Day Bitches!

I'm not going to lie: this is taken directly from another website and would probably violate a bunch of copyright laws if only enough people cared that we were publishing this on our website. Anyways, this is a fantastic ode to Valentines Day and you, dear SUS reader, are entitled to it. And uh, sorry for the excessive use of the C-word. Again, not my product ladies.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, WHORES

I got a little rant here regarding this fucking bullshit estrogen driven sham of a fucking holiday coming up…Valentine's Day. Ready to get offended? Pop a fucking Midol and follow me now bitches, here is your fucking Valentines gift…. FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY. You know, I have always been one of these guys for women’s rights. One of those guys who stick up for broads and say they are equal. Say they deserve the same money and job opportunities as men and defend their right to choose. However, as another shit ass fucking Valentine's Day approaches, I am starting to reevaluate my position. Why? I think Valentine's Day proves women are the weaker sex. You fucking whiny scags are ALWAYS finding a new way to bitch about being treated right. Valentine's Day, Secretaries Day, Mothers Day, Bitches Day, Cunts Day. It goes on and on and on. You have the fucking audacity to make men feel guilty for not ‘proving’ we love you. You sit there at your job and expect a delivery man to come and bring you something. Are you fucking kidding me? For what? So you can toss your flowers, cards, and candy in your fat hog cunt coworkers' faces? “Ohhh look how much my baby loves meeeee.” No, your man is a fucking sap.

You know, I just had an epiphany. There are people right at this moment sitting in jail. Why? A little thing called extortion. I thought extortion was illegal in this country? Well, then Hallmark, FTD, and all you whiny, trampy, bitchy scags should all get the fucking chair. It is a no win situation for us guys on this rag tag bitch day.

Exhibit A

“Oh, don’t worry about getting me a gift.”
“I don’t need anything.”
“Everything means nothing, if I ain’t got you.”
“All I need is a card.”

BULLSHIT. Please. Let us not give you the royal treatment. You yamps get bitchier than a raghead terrorist and the twat seals its walls up for a week. I mean, you turn into some kind of LOTR type troll for shit’s sakes, and we have to pull a Bill Clinton and sleep on the couch. “OMG you don’t appreciate me.” “Well, Sarah’s’ BF got her a ring” “FINE! FINE!” Gimme a fucking break. Who the shit are you trying to fool?

Exhibit B

“I don’t want anything; just take me out to dinner.”
Yea, real cute. Yet dinner, no matter where we look around town, is 140 bucks a person, not to mention, it’s some nasty shit we would never wanna eat. Duck Ass a la Orange with a side of snail twat, circled with crusted monkey balls. I got an idea. You love me no matter what? How bout I take you to that great Scottish Restaurant….Mac Donalds. I’ll get you a crusted chicken breast a la mayo with a side of French fried po-tat-toes. Oh la la bitch, now blow me, and maybe I’ll supersize it.

It never ends. Chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, balloons, all in the attempt to satisify some whiny broad. Well look here toots, if I can tolerate your incessant bitching for more than 3 hours a fucking day, that is proof enough. Where is MY dinner for dealing with your goddamn rag every month? Where is MY dinner for dealing with your stupid fucking questions like “Does this make me look fat?” Where’s MY fucking dinner for dealing with your fucking constant cries for attention and needs to talk? I am a guy. Just STFU, leave me alone, and blow me every now and then, and I will be happy. Must I spend 3843894393939339333 dollars to prove I love you? If I haven’t fucking killed myself or you already then the answer would be yes.

And here’s one more point. I do not want to read about your homantic husband, boyfriend, boy toy, or lame ass femboy fuck mate and what he did for you. He’s a fucking pussy and he has lowered the bar for all of us by catering to your worthless needs. Take your digicam/webcam pics of your red roses, flowers, candies, and jewelry, and shove them your smelly fucking cunt. No one cares.

“Ohhh my man is sooo sweet, look at this.”
Once again, the weaker sexes cry for attention.
I say next year, every man in this fucking country boycotts Valentine's Day and does a mass jerk off. We have to dedicate ourselves to not giving in to these fucking chicks. NO food, NO cards, NO bears, NO flowers, NO chocolates. Just a a big fuck you to the pussified fucktard greedy whores of the world. I got a Valentine's gift for you, it’s in my pants, and how it works is I slap you in the face with it...

But, I still love you snookems.