The People You See Phonebanking for Barack Obama (Or at least, those that I saw)

In spite of BH's best efforts, we here at SUS try to remain apolitical. That said, I made some calls for Barack Obama today, and quite frankly, the people that I saw were too funny to not share with both of you that constitute Straight Up Sports Nation. Without further ado, the people you will phonebank for Barack Hussein Obama with:

1. "Old Lady Who Is Amazed By Technology" No, she wasn't amazed by the call lists; she was amazed that everyone had answering machines. For what it's worth, the quantity of answering machines in our culture amazed me too. Back in 1993.

2. "Old Black Lady Who Must've Been A Badass Back In The 1960's"-She had on a "BARACK the Vote" t-shirt, like one of those '92 rock the vote t's. Sure, she can barely see, but $20 says that she's got some great stories from the Civil Rights marches. And I bet she was a hot Black Panther too.

3. "Old White Guy Who Is Either Very Friendly, Very Creepy, or Simply Annoying."- This guy comes in and starts talking about how much he loves Barack. He's seen bad Democrats, Dukakis, Adlai Stevenson, but he really believes in Barack. The more you listen to him call others, the more it seems like he just really wants someone to talk politics with. Every time he talks to you, you pretend that someone answered on your phone, just to avoid talking to him. Best part of the day is when this dude tries to flirt with person #2 and fails miserably.

4. "Middle-age White Guy Who Has No Idea How To Work A Phone." He spent 20 minutes studying his call sheet and another 20 minutes examining his script. This guy is why McDonalds tries to not hire ex-White collar workers: they'd simply be lost doing all of the things that their secretaries do. I actually felt bad for this dude, as the campaign passive aggressively tried to move him out of the office, Milton-style. No word yet on if he stole the red stapler.

5. "Quasi-Hot Chick Who Gets Hotter Because of her Rank." Women with power are hot. Not only that, but power elevates an ugly chick into a "Maybe after 8 beers" chick, and turns this 5 into a 7.5 or 8. Plus, she'd probably hold her own in a political conversation, seeing as how she runs a county office for Obama.

6. "Hot Canvasser Who Was Placed In Another Room." How is it that out of the 8 actual phone conversations that you had, 2 of them took place when she came into the room for a question? (which you had the answer to) How does one become Mrs. Devo when they're not even allowed to be placed in the same room as you for more than a few seconds?

7. "Guy Who Eats All Of The Food Thrown His Way By The Campaign." Yeah, this is me. What can I say, it's good to work for the campaign with the money. I bet Hilary's workers were eating 1.5 meals a day. Just kidding. We all know that Hilary's workers get by on the same food as Hilary: stillborn fetuses.