Welcome to SUS's newest weekly literary feature, The Fredo Picks. Named after the ultimate forgotten brother in film history, we will strive to bring the laser-like analysis that has made SUS famous worldwide to some of the less illustrious NFL matchups every week. And in these troubled financial times, you can rely on our picks to keep you out of the poor house, as always. On to the picks!
KC at Atlanta (-6)
Devo: Have you ever been to the coke factory in Atlanta? You get to sample 60 varieties of soda, all of which suck, and when it's all said and done, you feel drunk. But not the good kind of drunk; the kind where you skip six stages of happy and go straight to puking Pick: KC
Mahatma: Have you ever been to Kansas City? It's like surrounded by 4 hours of nothing. Give me Atlanta and those southern lasses. Pick: ATL
BH: In the land of the strip club, Michael Turner is king. Pick: ATL
New England (-12) vs. Miami
Devo: Miami women believe in underwear like Kansans believe in evolution-an interesting theory worthy of debate and further study. Pick: Miami
Mahatma: Miami was voted to be the best looking city in the US. Quite the difference in Foxboro where the 3 eyed Leper is one of the better looking folk. Pick: Miami
BH: Hello 2001 Patriots! Oh how we missed you so! One can only hope this means a return of Drew Bledsoe as well. Pick: Fins
Oakland at Buffalo (-9.5)
Devo: Buffalo has wings, which is a great way to catch up on my bathroom reading. Pick: Buffalo
Mahatma: Do you guys even know a Bill? Isn't he a big pussy? Now imagine a team of them. Pick: Oakland
BH: I wonder if there is some way to correlate the inherent shittiness of a city with its football team. This will require further research. Pick: Buffalo
Detroit at SF (-4)
Devo: What's good about Detroit? Absolutely nothing. But at least when my ass is getting pinched there, it's the chicks who are doing it. Pick: Detroit
Mahatma: SF is QB'd by an Irish guy. I'll take the guy who drinks whiskey anytime. Pick: San Francisco
BH: The "likelihood of getting stabbed"/"ability to win on the road" ratio is inversely proportional. At least in Detroit's case, that means you field a better team than the world's biggest gay bar. Pick: Detroit
Devo: Have you ever been to the coke factory in Atlanta? You get to sample 60 varieties of soda, all of which suck, and when it's all said and done, you feel drunk. But not the good kind of drunk; the kind where you skip six stages of happy and go straight to puking Pick: KC
Mahatma: Have you ever been to Kansas City? It's like surrounded by 4 hours of nothing. Give me Atlanta and those southern lasses. Pick: ATL
BH: In the land of the strip club, Michael Turner is king. Pick: ATL
New England (-12) vs. Miami
Devo: Miami women believe in underwear like Kansans believe in evolution-an interesting theory worthy of debate and further study. Pick: Miami
Mahatma: Miami was voted to be the best looking city in the US. Quite the difference in Foxboro where the 3 eyed Leper is one of the better looking folk. Pick: Miami
BH: Hello 2001 Patriots! Oh how we missed you so! One can only hope this means a return of Drew Bledsoe as well. Pick: Fins
Oakland at Buffalo (-9.5)
Devo: Buffalo has wings, which is a great way to catch up on my bathroom reading. Pick: Buffalo
Mahatma: Do you guys even know a Bill? Isn't he a big pussy? Now imagine a team of them. Pick: Oakland
BH: I wonder if there is some way to correlate the inherent shittiness of a city with its football team. This will require further research. Pick: Buffalo
Detroit at SF (-4)
Devo: What's good about Detroit? Absolutely nothing. But at least when my ass is getting pinched there, it's the chicks who are doing it. Pick: Detroit
Mahatma: SF is QB'd by an Irish guy. I'll take the guy who drinks whiskey anytime. Pick: San Francisco
BH: The "likelihood of getting stabbed"/"ability to win on the road" ratio is inversely proportional. At least in Detroit's case, that means you field a better team than the world's biggest gay bar. Pick: Detroit
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