Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If the NYC boroughs and NJ were children, they would all be:

1. Manhattan: The Oldest Child.
Oldest children in families are generally divided into two types:

a) The leader of the family, always serving as a role model for the younger children. Manhattan can certainly be the role model for the other boroughs, as most of what takes place in New York happens here, but...

b) the oldest child can also have a false sense of entitlement. They were the first, and they'll be damned if any up and coming child who is two years behind them is going to take away their mojo. Why is the oldest/Manhattan the best? Well they were first so everything about them HAS to be better, right? Or maybe they're resented by their younger siblings for said sense of entitlement, but the younger siblings have learned to live with Manhattan's arrogance.

2. Queens/Brooklyn: The middle child

Ya know, thinking at most of my friends from 3+sibling households, generally the middle children are my favorite. Usually, these children are the most grounded: they see how arrogant Manhattan is, and do everything in their power to be nicer to the younger children. In the same way that the middle child is probably the smartest, most down to earth child, Queens and Brooklyn are very fun, chill boroughs that aren't as arrogant as Manhattan but are absolutely as much fun without being arrogant.

3. Jersey: The youngest child

If the older two children are boys, they spend their time physically beating up the youngest. If the older two children are girls, they spend their time playing dress up with the youngest, hopefully, but not always, a girl in this situation. Either way, Jersey/youngest child has spent their youth being mentally and physically beaten down by the oldest children, both of whom use the youngest child as a punching bag. But ya know what? After the constant beatdowns for simply being there, the youngest child becomes stronger for it. Moreover, the inferiority of the youngest child builds up a sense of humor that far outweighs the first two. (Stewart, Jon)

4. Staten Island: The mistake that the parents decide to keep

Ever meet a family that has 3 kids roughly 5-6 years apart and then another child 6-7 years younger than the 3rd child? Well that 4th kid is Staten Island. Really, there's not much redemption to be in this spot. The third child finally has a younger sibling, so all the crap that NJ endured is about to be put on Staten Island. Staten Island-be prepared for your beatdown. You've earned it by being the bastard child/borough.


Mahatma said...

Shouldn't Long Island be there too?

devo said...

Long Island is its own country. Just ask its inhabitants. Technically, I left out the Bronx.

Drew said...

The Bronx is the adopted older kid that had a rough upbringing and is a bad influence on the other kids.