Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Reasons to Hate the Cardinals

I hate interrupting everyone from the growing media circus that is the Superbowl but do you really need to know that the Steelers/Cardinals have arrived to Tampa, Larry Fitzgerald is great and Ken Cheezenhunt was the former OC of the Steelers 2 years ago? (For the record, Ken Cheezenhunt being the former OC of the Steelers is the new Jerome Bettis is from Detroit)

As a Steeler guy, I don't really hate the Cardinals all that much. Sure there is Cheezenhunt and FAT FUCK Russ Grimm who took turns annoying me to all hell with their actions on a Pittsburgh sidelines but what about the rest of them? No, this isn't me getting soft but SUS nation has to find it puzzling why me, BH and Yinzer are way more positive than usual and our positivity isn't what brought us to the dance. So to bring myself back to angry and bitter person I normally am, I'm here to help you HATE those bastards from the Feel Good Story of the Year, the Arizona Cardinals. Sure, it took a while to find stuff to hate about them but mission accomplished! At least for my bitterself.

Kurt Warner has a story that will likely be a made for tv picture on CBS any year now. I'll have to hear about Kurt Warner's "faith" a million times leading up to February 1st, and every sound bite of his will be his praising the "Lord". Days of ass-kissing to an invisible wizard in the sky will continue my drift to insanity.

Look I know he found jesus and everything and he's a likeable but i'll bet you are there are some Iowaians/etc. that are probably pretty annoyed by him. Look it doesn't take a rocket scientist but I'm sure he bagged the wrong groceries a few times.

Now that Kurt Warner's wife has actually a female haircut where are all the crowd shots of her? Look I know St. Louis isn't the Style capital of the world but seriously, what the hell was that and why was she the focal point of the broadcast? Also did anyone ever tell her the Gozer look never worked unless you're in Ghostbusters?

Darnell Dockett -- Maybe that's how they beat the Falcons?

Antrelle Rolle -- Typical douche out of the U.

Ken Whisenhunt (CHEEZENHUNT) has an uncanny resemblance to the bastard child of Eliot Spitzer and Bill Cowhard.

Anquan Boldin -- What a baby. When the rest of the league hates when TO/Chode/etc. gets all huffy and puffy, shoudn't we do the same to Mr. Boldin.

Matt Leinart. Oh come on you know you just want to smack him back to LA where he belongs with his perfect 10 model girl friends. He's the epitome of the guy that cut in front of you during the lunch line and stole your girlfriend. He probably wore a letter jacket too. That's just highschool for douche right there.

Towel Sacrilege: Look if TJ Doucheman, Lenwhale White haven't taught you anything than you do not desecrate the Terrible Towel. Here we have the mayor and mascot doing bad things to the Terrible Towel. And now they have their own one.

Grimm's answer to Mariucci was this: "Well we have our white Terrible Towels that our fans wave"!! This asshat is trying to compare the legend of the Terrible Towel to these measely little white towels. Also waving the white towel? You are surrendering already?!

And most importantly, idiot cardinal fan videos! Who know that such a fanbase could grow into this big vast nation in only 3 weeks time! Look at the gloss on these shiney new Cardinal jerseys!

Can he name 5 players on his own team? Doubtful.

Nice CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP TSHIRT KID. Anyway, Creepy. This goes out to all parents on this site, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM GETTING YOUR CHILDREN WEBCAMS. Lord knows your kid could be on this site getting shat on from us, 15+ his senior. Yes we (I) live a sad existence.

They made this poor little Eagle fan cry.

There you have it. They smell. They stink and their fans are annoying. This is totally an open and shut case that even Devo could put away.

1 comment:

The Brooklyn Hillbilly said...

whoever started the "im going to stare into the camera and talk for 3 minutes" youtube video trend needs to die. do something creative or sell your webcam to a hot girl so she can make some money with it. fucking losers.