Monday, March 23, 2009
The Ultimate Douchebag calls it a day.
The year was 2004, and a handsome-but-balding 22 year old came together with a fellow 22 year old who would one day grace the streets of the South Bronx like only a White Boy could. They decided to make the greatest 527, non-profit political action committee that man had ever known: YANKEE FANS FOR KERRY. Did they know how to create a non-profit? No. Did they even try and solicit for volunteers and/or money? Um, you're missing the point. Mainly, that these young go getters, by sharing their opinions with, well, each other, but really loudly, were going to ensure a liberal in the White House and championship #27 in the Bronx...
And needless to say, it was a depressing November '04 for these future Bill Simmons-wannabes. You know the deal: Kevin Millar and Dave Roberts happened. A president with the IQ to bowl a 129 continued his presidency. But ya know who had it good? This tubby motherfucker.
In the words of the immortal Ronald Burgundy, Go f$@k yourself, Curt Schilling. I hope Obama taxes you like an AIG bonus and you have to sell your championship rings on ebay just to fufill your 4,000 calorie per day diet.