So I'm calling upon you fellow sports fans to help me. This problem is pure evil. The mere thought of it invokes nightmares. It spans generations. Young and old alike.
If you haven't figured out what I'm talking about yet, it's the Snuggie. At first, I thought it was a cruel joke. Then I slowly started to realize that people were serious about this thing. A freaking blanket with sleeves?? You've got to be kidding me. Then I thought, well at least its appeal is limited to crazy people. But you know what? People that I (once) viewed as sane, logical individuals started telling me they wanted one or thought they were a great idea. UM NO! In the god awful commercial (one that almost parodies itself) for these things, it shows people at a sporting event wearing them. "Great for outdoors!" You know what else is great for outdoors? A COAT! And guess what… it also has sleeves! And you don't look like you're in some weird Scientology sect.
With spring baseball weather always questionable, and football season just around the corner (fall will be here sooner than you think), not to mention those cold rinks you'll all no doubt be visiting for the NHL playoffs, I'm terrified these atrocities are going to start showing up in the stands. So my call to you, loyal readers, is this:
The first time you spot one of these when you're in the stands cheering on your favorite team, and you know it's going to happen sooner or later, put a stop to it. I don't care if it’s a man twice your size, a woman, or a child. You must remedy the situation. Punch them in the face. Throw your beer on them. Squirt stadium mustard in the shape of a "z", Zorro style, all over it. (or maybe an "s", for snuggie). Whatever you do, make sure this person knows what a douche bag they are. Teach them a lesson. If not, this may be our future:
As if A.Rod isn't embarassing enough*
*Note: No Yankees fans were harmed in the posting of this blog.