You know how you know that I'm gay? I'm about to talk shit about the SI Swimsuit Issue

Is it just me or is the SI Swimsuit issue not a big deal anymore. The pictures I've seen so far, are pretty solid, including Carmela Garcia. (2 things: 1. Her name is Carmela Decesare-Baer. This is not up for debate. 2. I think she's wearing the same bathing suit that my grandmother wore back in the 1940's. Needless to say, she's worn much hotter outfits in years past. (NSFW) And now I shudder to think of all the comments this would leave me open to, if only we had readers.)

But as a 25 year old male, I gotta say that the most recent swimsuit issues haven't done it for me. (Maria Sharapova being the only notable exception.) And after giving an honest look at the ladies gracing the issue this year, I don't think the problem is with them, I think it's with me.

It's not that I don't love women. I have a full hard drive that, uh, proves my love of the ladies of the world as well as proves my devotion to same-sex (See: female) uh, relationships. It's just that when I was a young lad in elementary and middle school, the SI swimsuit issue was EVERYTHING. The two pictures up top represent, along with snow days, my 3 most cherished memories of being a child. Since then, between the internet and more importantly, becoming 18, the SI swimsuit issue doesn't do it for me anymore. Sure, it's some solid reading, but if I want to read a magazine in Penn Station while receiving weird looks, I'm heading straight to Club or Hustler thank you very much.

So you can have your Carmella Garcia. I'm sure some 8 year old is holding onto this issue for dear life like I did roughly 17 years ago. (Held onto it at least until the Victoria Secrets arrived in the mail two weeks later.) But as for me, I'm going to stick with my Kathy Ireland and Elle McPherson thank you very much.