Friday, January 9, 2009

Mahatma tells you why San Diego's shit smells like roses

San Diego Chargers (+6) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

ESPN is hopping aboard the Charger bandwagon and for good reason. After you beat the ESPN boy toy, you are the new boy toy. So say hello to Philip Rivers and Darren Sproles, Steven Cooper and the rest of the Powder Blue fudge packers! Still Steeler nation is convinced this should be a win. It should be really but how Yinzer nation has the faith in a win is nonsense. BH being a true optimist, positive paula, half full type guy will tell you why they’ll win. Me, I’m cut from a different cloth. By all means I should be confident about a win but I’m not. I have little to no faith in the Steelers and the following list is the reasons why the Chargers will win on Sunday.


Steelers have the worst offensive coordinator in the game, Bruce Arians. He uses a lot of different formations but runs THE SAME plays in these formations. It’s to the point that me, BH, Brooklyn Yinzer and Iowa can determine the exact play. Now imagine what people who’ve seen the game films 100000 times can do. It’s one thing if you show something different in said formations but no, he doesn’t. it’s the lame brain predictable play calling that gets this team in trouble. He also lacks a feel of the game. Run working fine but hey let’s go 5 wide on 3rd and 1. Opponent can’t cover Heath Miller, fine let’s not call any routes with him as the primary receiver. Using running backs in space is out of the question for Bruce. No huddle always works with this team because the offensive coordinator isn’t calling the plays. Nothing can be taken for granted when Bruce Arians is running an offense in the playoffs. Arians also forgets to use the Steeler’s version of Darren Sproles, Mewelde Moore. Moore was/is the offensive MVP of the season and has proved to be a dangerous weapon out of the backfield. Now with Willie Parker, it’s almost as though Moore is unable to fine. Look Parker should start but it’s obvious that Moore makes things happen for the offense in both run and pass. Why he isn’t allowed to see the field more especially when the offense is more in sync with him?

Worst offensive line in the playoffs and it’s not even close. Willie Colon is the worst tackle in the league armed with slow feet, short arms, poor balance and horrendous leverage technique oh and he’s also a fat fucking goon. Good for a weekly hold and false start, The Colon is unanimous drive killer of the 2008 season. Equally terrible in both run and pass, Colon is usually the guy on the ground helping up Ben Roethlisberger who is also on the ground. For being supposedly nasty and physical, the Colon plays exactly like bowel excrement. Any other team he’d be a 2nd string guard but not here. The starting guards are Rutgers alum, Darnell Stapelton, who is showing everyone what an undrafted guard from Rutgers looks and plays like and Chris Kemoeatu who is a monster when the assignment is simple but a complete idiot otherwise. How this man is a functional member of society, I’ll never know. How he graduated college is yet another mystery the likes of which CSI can’t decipher. Anyway, as opposed to simple man on man blocking, the Steelers use a zone blocking system but when you have an idiot like Kemo trying to decide who to block is like looking at Tarvarius Jackson trying to read a defense. It's shocking how one time he can pancake Shaun Rogers and the next whiff on someone worthless. The best members of the line are Center, Justin Hartwig who was cut last year by Carolina (awesome) and Max Starks at LT who couldn’t even beat out the Colon at RT during training camp. I have no faith in these no talent ass clowns helping out a potentially top 10 offense. Steelers can’t run the ball worth a lick with said O-line and they can’t passblock without our QB getting hit every 3 attempts. I love those odds.

Concussion Ben. Last time Ben came back from a concussion: 5 sacks, 4ints and 2 Taints, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Steelers run a similar offense to the Colts and that was shutdown outside of a fluke TD pass last week. What makes you think the Steelers offense is going to put up points running the Colts offense with less talented players?

The Steelers defense can’t score every week. Seriously, they’ve set this offense up all season.

The Steelers defense hasn’t had a truly bad game all season. Every defense has a bad game at least once right?

Chargers are hot. They just beat two rivals two weeks in a row in must win games. Steelers haven’t played a must win game since maybe Baltimore and they still weren’t facing elimination by any stretch.

Mike Tomlin is a good coach so far but I’m not confident in him yet. Moreover, they had home field advantage last year too but made David “Kordell” Garrard look like he’s worth 60 million. What can he do to Rivers? 500 million? Thankfully Rivers can’t scramble.

Only the Steelers could rack 400+ yards of offense and only score 11 pts with no touchdowns. This was without Roethlisberger turning it over either and throwing for 300 yards and Parker having 100 yards rushing. You think they could duplicate that again? I don’t.

Phillip Rivers has been great this year and apparently he doesn’t swear and he’s religious and if Tim Tebow has shown us anything, it’s those doing the lord’s work always beat the motorcycle riding heathens. Not to mention, Rivers is as efficient as they come while Roethlisberger is the new Favre.

The Steelers run defense is slipping. Casey Hampton has ate himself into last yr and the team is getting gashed on the same delays and draws. What’s the similarities of these guys? They are all (outside of Lewis) cut back runners and quick, elusive runners and Sproles might be the best of the bunch in that regard.

Faulk (NE) 6 rush, 73 yards

Morris (NE) 10 rush, 45 yards

Choice (Dal) 23 rush, 88 yards

C. Johnson (Tenn) 16 rush, 69 yards

J. Lewis (Cleve) 23 rush, 94 yards

The Steelers also have the slowest MLBs in the league and against Sproles in space scares me. In fact, that’s how San Diego got most of the yardage in the last game.

All the NFL award winners (Peyton Manning, Mike Smith, Matt Ryan, Pennington etc.) were all ONE and DONE in the playoffs. What say you James Harrison?

Just remember that SD already flew across the country and played the Steelers in the cold, in the snow, about 7 weeks ago AND barely lost, 11-10.

Has the Steelers luck run out? How they win games by the skin of their team is annoying.

The theme for this season is the revenge tour.
The Chargers are undergoing that right now and since the NFL is booked well they’ll win!

The Steeler chick in BH’s article labeled Offense. Seriously a black eye on Steeler fans everywhere. Look I’m no Denzel Washington either but seriously, you don’t know how hard it is to burn that girl out of my memory.

Because the genius, Seth Wickersham says so.

Actually, I’m changing my pick now. Fuck this guy. Sham being in his name is quite apropos. No one shits on my team but me.


Pittsburgh – 31

San Diego – 13

Baltimore Ravens (+3) OVER Tennessee Titans

The song I Don't Need the Whiskey Anymore, about a man who trades his alcohol addiction for an addiction to a woman, contains his favorite line that he's written: "I still get intoxicated but my head ain't quite as sore." -- Kerry Collins

What a pussy. Some of us have their addiction to a woman AND alcohol at the same time. Seriously though, I’ve said Tennessee is one and done all year and I’m sticking to it.


Baltimore – 14

Tennessee – 10

Arizona Cardinals (+10) OVER Carolina Panthers

So who gets stuck previewing this game? This douchebag. Awesome. This is probably the least sexiest matchup of the divisional round for obvious reasons. The Cardinals apparently have a pulse again this week after beating the Falcons. Again though this team is much different on the road than at home. At home they picked up rookie Matt Ryan’s snap count and jumped every snap and stuffed both run and pass. When that happens, you are more or less screwd. Also Arizona seems to have an exceptionally loud stadium. Perhaps they are using some piping? Conspiracy theory aside, I like the Panthers as a team. Their D is solid and the corners can matchup with Fitz, hobbled Anquan and Steve Breaston. Moreover, the Panthers have a way better defense overall than Arizona who needed a coverage breakdown and a flea flicker to beat Atlanta anyway. Arizona will not be able to run on the Panthers as Damione Lewis and Ma’ake Kemoeatu are returning to the lineup. Kemo is the run stuffer and the reason why the Big Blue ran up 300+ yards rushing 3 weeks ago.

Arizona defensively took out a good offense last week again at home when they jump the snap counts. That won’t happen this week. Without the running head starts, Cardinals have to react as opposed to dictate. The Panthers have a nasty O-Line lead by the tackles Jeff Otah and Jordan Gross. Both are mean men with bad intentions and I don’t think the wave of Cardinal defenders has the cajones to battle them. Cardinals’ pass defense has no answer for Steve Smith. Double team him Cheezen and try to have 8 in the box as well. That’s tough with Mohammed, a healthy DJ Hackett still there left to defend. There is no guaranteeing doubling Smith or playing a 4-4 can stop the Panthers. Regardless, I see, Cardinals gearing up to try to stop the run. Delhomme can hit one big play on them and then end that quickly.

10 points in my book is too much for me in the playoffs although Carolina will take this one comfortably.


Carolina – 28

Arizona – 20

New York Giants (-4) OVER Philadelphia Eagles

Philly is too bipolar for their own good. Giants win the rubber match.

NY Giants - 21

Philadelphia Eagles – 9

No comments: