Black History Month SUS Style: The Wire-Part III: City Hall and other badass characters

City Hall

Former Mayor Clarence Royce
Was Mayor for seasons 1, 2, and part of 3. Loved power. Loved women. Basically a Baltimore Marion Barry. No complaints on my end.

Mayor Tommy Carcetti
Basically the fictional equivalent of current Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley. Power hungry sonuvabitch who probably cares about the people but REALLY cares about becoming Governor in a few years. If you want to talk about the impact of this show, Carcetti’s character has made me lose some respect for the real life O’Malley. Ironically enough, people in Maryland hate O’Malley as much as most Baltimore people hate Carcetti.

Jennifer Carcetti
Tommy’s wife. I have nothing to add, except that her picture is fairly bizarre.

Norman Wilson
Tommy’s right hand man. For the first 5 episodes that his character appeared, I thought Lester Freamon switched jobs.

Clay Davis
Best. Politician. Ever. Davis makes Marion Barry look as honest as Jimmy Carter. Lester Freamon was working on his case for years, and did a damn good job too, only to have Davis perform masterfully on the witness stand and get an acquittal. His most famous line is ‘shhheeeeeeiiiiiiiiitttt,’ and let’s just say that there is some truth to the rumor that BH and myself were in works to create a “Free Clay Davis” t-shirt until the good people of Baltimore did the job themselves.

Badass Characters

These are far and away the two best characters on The Wire. To go with their descriptioins, brief Youtube clips are required to do their characters justice.

Omar
A career street thug with a code. He makes his living by pointing his shotgun at drug dealers and stealing their stash. In the mean streets of Baltimore, no one is feared more by other street thugs and respected by cops more than Omar. Barksdale’s crew tried to take Omar out but they never could. Prop Joe tried to take out Omar but never could. Marlo tried to take out Omar, and unfortunately, succeeded. This is reason 5,204 that Marlo needs to die in the series finale. Oh, and Omar was gay. Very much so.

Brother Muzzone
The most well-read criminal of all time. An ex-Nation of Islam member who probably isn't exactly following in Malcolm X's footsteps. He scares the hell out of everyone, Avon and Stringer brought him in to protect their corners against Prop Joe in season 2. After taking care of business, Stringer tried to set him up by telling Omar that Muzzone killed one of his people. After wounding him, Muzzone convinced Omar that Stringer set them up. And that’s how Stringer Bell met his demise. When he’s not out there shooting people to prove a point, he can be spotted in his glasses and bowtie, reading The Atlantic or The Nation.

And finally, just because:


Enjoy the final episode a week from Sunday!

SUS Rules for Complaining about the Post-Super Bowl Giants

With Torbor and Kawika Mitchell gone, and Zak DeOssie possibly penciled in as a starting OLB, I figure that now is as good a tie as any to discuss this. It will be ongoing, but these are the rules that we have so far. Feel free to tell us about your own rules:

1. You can always complain about bad moves, play calls, decisions, or plays.
2. The earliest that you can demand a benching (Eli) or a firing (Coughlin, Reese, Gilbride) is Thanksgiving. And even then, this pretty much has to involve a 50 QB rating, a 3-8 record, or calling for 10 halfback passes per game.
That said, it would've been nice to keep Mitchell.

THE BIG FREAKING PACKAGE MOCK DRAFT

Who gives a shit about Basketball? Who cares if catchers are putting on their jockstraps and cups? Who cares about cars always turning left? The Devils always make the playoffs! The Olympics? Last event I recall watching was curling and that’s the wrong season! Fear not Football fans, as hard as the off-season is for some of us, any news or events get us psyched up and anticipating the next season. In my mind baseball doesn’t start until after April’s draft. So without further ado;

1. MIAMI DOLPHINS – CHRIS LONG (DE, VIRGINIA)
Parcells would love to trade out of this pick but I don’t see that happening. It’s quite interesting; free agency is thin at DE/OLB but strong in the draft. I can’t see Parcells taking Ryan after the team invested a 2nd round pick in QB John Beck last year. I hear Testeverde is coming back, again?

2. ST.LOUIS RAMS – KEN DORSEY (DT, LSU)
This really depends on his pro-day workout. All the injury speculations could lower him to the ladder of the top 10. Jake Long is a solid right tackle as he’s not very quick footed to play left tackle. Plus with Orlando Pace coming back and drafting RT Alex Barron in 05, their tackle positions are pretty much set. They need to address the middle of the defense.

3. ATLANTA FALCONS – MATT RYAN (QB, BOSTON COLLEGE)
They need a lot of everything. Honestly it would be wise for them to trade down out of this position. And teams eager to get Darren McFadden would be wise to trade up here (Dallas). But if there are no takers, Ryan’s the best choice. They could go after Derek Anderson but I see that highly unlikely now.

4. OAKLAND RAIDERS – DARREN MCFADDEN (RB, ARKANSAS)
Along with the Atlanta Falcons this is a team that no one really wants to play for. Al Davis needs to die real soon or let fresh minds take over. Jamarcus Russell and McFadden would be a nice duo for years to come. Sedrick Ellis is possible but not after they spent $50mill on Kelly. Clearly they aren’t looking for a DT in the draft.

5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS – JAKE LONG (OT, Boise State)
Herm Edwards should be thanking the football Gods that Jake Long falls to him at #5. He hasn’t drafted well in the past but this one is a no brainer that even I wouldn’t FUKK up. Biggest need this offseason is that offensive line and this man is a blessing (especially for all Larry Johnson fantasy owners out there).

6. NEW YORK JETS– VERNON GHOULSTON (DE, OHIO STATE)
We all saw how the pass rush of the Giants overwhelmed the Patriots O-Line. If the Jets want to challenge the Pats for the division (or at least double last year's win total) then they need to work on their pass rush real quick. Chris Long would be ideal but I don’t see him dropping out of the top 3. I’ll throw my roommates cat at the TV if I see them trade up and lose picks again like last year (not the new LCD of course, her TV). Jets need playmakers and Ghoulston is certainly that. The others will have to come in later rounds and free agency.

7. NEW MASSHOLE CHEATERS – AGIB TALIB (CB, Kansas)
The problem with picking corners is that they tend to rise and fall more than any other position prior to draft day in my opinion. Talib could be a 1st round pick this week but then when Mel Kiper takes him off his big board he’s a 2nd rounder at best. Asante Samuel is going to be asking for Nate Clements money and Satan “666” Kraft won’t give it to him so the chokers need to fill that spot with this pick.

8. BALTIMORE RAVENS – MIKE JENKINS (CB, South Florida)
Unless Brian Brohm has a terrific combine and starts sucking Mel Kiper off there’s no way he’s going top 10 much to the dismay of the Ravens. So with their secondary starting to age it’s time for Rex Ryan and company to bring in some youth. I rate Jenkins and Talib as the best corners in the draft but again that could change. Jenkins would be a safe pick for Baltimore.

9. CINNCINATTI BENGALS – SEDRIC ELLIS (DT, USC)
Marvin Lewis is obviously a better defensive coordinator than a head coach. Same goes for his old boss Brian Billick (seems to be a common trend coming from the Raven organization). If Lewis still wants his job then the Bengals better make the playoffs. Their defense was horrific last season (Cleveland scored 50+pts!). Sedrick Ellis is a great addition to one of the worst rush defenses in the league.

10. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – DOMINIQUE CROMARTIE (CB, TENN ST.)
I really don’t know what the Saints are going to do with this pick. My first guess would be linebacker but like I said before, very weak. I would figure defensive tackle but with Ellis and Dorsey off the board then anyone else would be a reach. Jason David is obviously no better than a nickelback and is a waste of cap space. New Orleans needs a #1 corner as bad as Mike McKenzie needs a haircut.

Elect John McClane

Hate politics? Me too.

Hate the candidates? I'm with ya.

Don't want to decide who gets your vote by watching with meaningless debates where they just lie out their asses? Of course not.

Wish we had someone kick ass again like Teddy Roosevelt who got shot, beat the shit out of the guy and then finished his speech? Damn right you do.

That man exist. And that man is John McClane.

Go here for more details

Hey SUS, spring training has begun, where you at?

Look, I'll be honest: we've been getting pounded with ridiculous amounts of viewer email asking why we're not covering baseball. And the truth, loyal readers, is that frankly, I don't see what there is to write about.

Sure, there's the Clemens issue, and BH covered that. But to cover it every day like we're the New York Post to Clemens' Britney Spears cooch? Eh. I'll pass. I've gone on record many times as saying I really don't care because even as a Yankee fan, I always hated Clemens. (My level of hate for Clemens never went below a Hyman Roth-Vito Corleone "I'll do business with him, I respect him, but I don't trust him" level) So yeah, I hope Clemens goes to jail, found guilty for being an asshole. But I really don't care that he cheated. Sorry.

But what's that you say? Spring training is on the horizon? Great. As soon as she's done folding Mahatma's whites, we'll be sure to send the SUS intern out to Phoenix to document the Royals' latest run at a perfect spring training. (Hey Mercury Morris, David DeJesus has rounded the corner and is currently on your block. You've been warned.) The fact is, outside of injuries, nothing that happens in spring training matters unless you have young guys trying to make a squad or a position battle. And sure, you have some of those around the league. But when it comes to the Yankees, I'm not about to write an article about why Jason Giambi/Shelley Duncan/Morgan Ensberg/Mahatma deserves the first base job, because either way, they all suck. Though Mahatma has solid range.

So have faith, dear SUS reader (and seriously, have faith b/c my inbox only holds so much mail) for we'll have the 1st annual SUS fantasy baseball draft soon, MissMet will begin her Met updates soon enough, White Boy will eventually wake up from his SUS-coma to write something about the Yankees, (or anything) and we'll probably even have another Mets and a Red Sox writer for you. And when something interesting regarding baseball happens, I'll probably stick in my two cents. But for now, have patience, and stop asking me for $3.50, you goddamn Loch-Ness Monster.

Where's White Boy? Trying to learn his technology.

I'm minding my business tonight, looking up various Craigs List casual encounters (what else is a single lad to do on Wednesday evening in suburban Maryland?) when I get an im from white boy's blackberry. He was texting a girl's about a date this weekend, but the ims were sent to me. You can tell I was annoyed at first but then just decided screw it, I'm going to play along. Anyways, here's a copy of it:

White Boy: Sent from my mobile using EQO www.eqo.com
WB: thats fine can i call now for like 5 mins or is she still there
Devo: are you sure this was meant for me?
WB: heh so do u want to just figure out saturday tomorrow though i dare not infringe upon sis bonding
WB: i mean then not though
D: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
WB: what time will u be out of the show about
D: i'm not going to a show
D: white boy, it's devo
WB: oh so u want to just figure it out now over aim its up to u?
D: yeah, sure, i should be out around 10 or so
WB: i was thinking dinner and "base ket ball" but if there is movie playing now that peaks ure interest im game
D: what about charlie bartlett, that looks like a cute movie
WB: ill call u friday or text u friday about locale what time for dinner were u thinking
D: probably about 8?
WB: 8 sounds fine ill speak to u via text or phone friday enjoy the show!
D: you know i will!

ps-for those of you looking to stalk white boy this weekend, well you know where to find him!

Grunting is a God-given right, not a privilege

From my friend ESPN:

A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing. The Herald Sun of Melbourne, Australia, reported that Lauryn Edwards was told last weekend that she could no longer play after an opposing player complained about her grunting. Edwards' favorite player is Maria Sharapova. And like her hero, Edwards grunts when she strikes the ball. "They told me to guarantee she won't grunt or she can't play," Duncan Edwards[the girl's father] said, according to the report. "How can I guarantee that? She's been doing it since she was really little. She's her own person. What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth?" he added. "They made her cry on the court when they told her. She was in such a state that I had to bring her home mid-match." She says the grunting is part of her game. "It feels natural to do my noise. I'm not faking it," she said, according to the Herald-Sun. "It makes me play better. When I don't do it, I don't play my best tennis. And now people have told me I can't play if I do it."

Now, usually I'm big on organizations being able to set their own rules, but I have to call BULLSHIT on this. Asking this girls father to "guarantee" she wont grunt during a match is like asking me to make sure the Dow doesn't dip below 10,000. I can try, but that's about it. Little girls(and boys) do all sorts of weird shit, and God help you if you try to tell them to stop. I mean, its obvious that the other girls shes playing against are intimidated, and that's part of her game. Nothing wrong with that. As far as my tennis knowledge goes, its the audience that is prohibited from making noise during a point, not the players. So Northern Suburbs Junior Tennis Association members, you may be able to silence one 9 year-old girl, but you cant silence Straight Up Sports. And yes, Maria Sharapova being mentioned in the article is enough justification to put up a picture of her.

Isn't this like replacing Ray Handley with Rich Kotite???

Sean Salisbury is out at ESPN. Cris Carter is in. The real winners here? CBS and FOX.

Some quotes via some random blog via the LA Times (You can't spell journalism ethics without SUS):

"I'm a free agent," he said. "I've been liberated. I knew this was coming, but I couldn't be happier.

SUS RESPONSE: You know who else is a free agent? Luis Sojo. I don't Theo Epstein and Brian Cashman are lining up at his door.

"I'd grown tired of being punished for not being an NFL superstar. Analysts who don't work as hard as me, don't prepare as hard as me, and don't have my resume were making more than me just because of their ability to throw or catch a pass."

SUS RESPONSE: You know what's worse than Sean Salisbury the quarterback? Sean Salisbury the commentator.

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the opportunity ESPN gave me, but they had capped my ceiling. There was only so far I could go there.

SUS RESPONSE: It makes us feel warm inside to know that the ESPN brass had a discussion along these lines:

"Sure, I want Salisbury to cover this piece, but let's go with someone who is better at his job, like Stuart Scott."
or
"We could go with Salisbury, but let's go with someone who has come up with more original ideas over the last 5 years, like Chris Berman."

"I'd done nothing wrong, and if you hear otherwise, it's not true. I did everything that was asked of me."

SUS RESPONSE: What about the times that you sucked at your job?

p.s. Let no one out there think that we like Cris Carter, who along with Dan Marino did everything in their power, and eventually succeeding, in killing Inside the NFL.

Im a hockey fan again!

In keeping with the apparent hockey theme of the blog today, Id like to announce that Ive signed a contract with the NHL to be a fan for the remainder of the regular season and this years Stanley Cup playoffs. My attorneys and agents have been in extended negotiations with the NHL's Fan Satisfaction Division (wouldn't it be nice if that were real?) since shortly before the lockout of a few years ago, when I voided my previous contract as a fan of the league. Now some have told me that I am foolish or opportunistic for this decision to return to a sport that brought me so much joy before breaking my heart. No sir, I say to the charge, everyone, and every sport deserves a second chance. And besides, if I gave a shit about what other people think of my sports affiliations, Id be a Yankee fan.

So, what brought me back you ask? Two alliterative names, Foppa and Footer. Both Peter Forsberg and Adam Foote were acquired at/near todays trade deadline by the Colorado Avalanche, with whom I had a torrid affair from 1995-2004. Lets take a quick look at these two:

The former "greatest hockey player in the world", Peter "Foppa" Forsberg was a wizard with the puck, making impossible passes and leaving everyone but elitest of defenders in the snowy spray of his dust. Alas, the man has lost a step. Mainly this is due to the Devils-friendly rules that dominated the NHL for the last 15ish years that allowed a more defensive-minded and brutal game. Teams quickly realized that the only way to beat Foppa was to injure him. 10 years of grueling playoff series' where hacking and slashing Forsberg was job #1 for opposing teams turned even this solid soldier into an injury trainwreck. Even now, Foppas return is not guaranteed despite the $5mil pro-rated contract he just signed, as his ankle may limit him, or even prevent him from suiting up at all. Regardless what he ends up contributing to the Avalanche this season, Peter Forsberg is still the baddest Swede on the block, ya heard?

The other major acquisition for the Avalanche is defenseman Adam Foote. Im sure my brother is excited at this pick-up, as his Foote sweater is suddenly relevant again. Foote was our hitter, the bad mofo who you didn't want to see coming your way if you had the puck and were near the boards. A solid defender in every aspect of the game(ok, not that great running the point on power play), Foote has been one of the cornerstones of the Columbus Blue Jackets since signing with them after the lockout.

So watch out NHL, we have a pack of injury-ridden middle aged men in Denver who are hungry to recapture the glory of the past. Now that makes me want to watch some hockey.

THIS. IS. AWESOME.

So long, and good luck Cam.

Wait, aren't you guys supposed to be a sports blog? (Catching up with the Devils Part I)

Yup. It's that time again. Time to check in with your Eastern-Conference-leading New Jersey Devils! Last we left our Black and Red Crusaders, they were playing surprisingly well, 26-15-3, 55 points, 1st in the Atlantic, 2nd in the East. Since then, they've gone 11-6-4, a steady 26 points in 21 games, and are now 37-21-5, 79 points, 1st place in the East. They're facing some pressure from the Penguins (even without Crosby) within the division. Outside the division, they're in a deceptively close battle with Ottawa for first overall in the Conference; deceptive because while it's a 1 point difference, Ottawa has SUCKED recently, as their 5-0 shutout loss last night to Toronto proves. So what better time to give a 3/4 season report than today!

Let's see how the most recent predictions from the old website fared:

1. The Devils will be in talks to acquire or will have acquired another scoring threat.

Nope. Well, we haven't traded for one yet, and while it's not beyond Lamoriello to pull off a surprising trade before the deadline, he has less than 4 hours as of this writing in which to do so. Though as I'm writing this, we acquired Bryce Salvador for Cam Jannsen. More on this below.

2. Marty Brodeur, Starting Eastern Conference Goalie will lead the East to a 5-1 lead after 1 period. Crosby or Ovechkin will get mvp honors, but Brodeur will be stellar.

Wow was I wrong. Brodeur and Crosby didn't show up. But Ovechkin had a helluva game and should've beaten Staal for mvp honors.

3.Jamie Langenbrunner will be in the top 4 in Devils scoring, knocking Madden out. Hopefully Travis Zajac will knock Madden out of the top 5.

Nope. But this was close. Madden has 37, Langenbrunner 36, Zajac 32. More on Madden down below.

4.The Devils will be in 2nd place in the division and 4th or 5th overall in the East. The Pens will be in 1st in the East.

Woohoo! Go Devo, 0-4! But I'll take being wrong with us in 1st place and the Pens in 4^th.

Wait, aren't you guys supposed to be a sports blog? (Catching up with the Devils, part II)

The Good

First place says hi. The team manages to keep on winning games, even if they're not playing so well in said games. Newark is becoming a home ice advantage, even if they're rarely there in March.

Marty. In a year when the Devils, if nothing else, have less name guys than they've ever had before, Marty looks as if he's on his way to being in serious Vezina contention, if not winning it. He may or may not deserve it, but the Vezina is won essentially on name recognition. For years in the mid-late '90's when a young Brodeur was outplaying the veteran Hasek, the vet always took home the prize. Now, with Brodeur possibly being outplayed by the youngster Luongo, Brodeur will get it. And yeah, when Luongo is outplayed by Dipietro or Fleury in 6 years, Luongo will still get it.

The offensive defensemen. To be honest, I'm not sure how I'd rate the job that our defense is doing. At times it looks like the old days of Stevens, Niedermayer, and Daneyko, and at times they look like the Rangers. But the play of the offensive defensemen, specifically Martin, Oduya, Mottau, and Rachunek has been stellar. They are moving up on the rush a lot more, something that was about as well received by Devils coaches (except for Rafalski and Niedermayer) as snitching in East Baltimore until recently. But watching the team the last few weeks, it seems as though the offensive defensemen are jumping into the rush and setting up more chances. (Side note: quick, name 2 current Devil defensemen who were on the 2003 Stanley Cup team. Or not. Only Colin White remains.)

Patrik Elias. Seems like he's starting to get his mojo going in time for the playoffs. Good to see. Though he still isn't the same player that he was before the lockout.

The Bad

Brian Gionta. Where the hell has he been all year? Technically he’s 3^rd on the team with 42 points. But for a guy who owns the team record with 48 goals in a season, he should be getting at least 30 goals every year. He’ll be lucky to get more than 20 this year.

Sheldon Brookbank. Brookbank plays defense and fights. We have 7 guys who are better defenseman (8 with Salvador) and 3 better fighters (Clarkson, Asham, and Rupp.) Why does this guy get any ice time?

The Capitals game last week. Went to the Devils/Capitals game, a 3pm Sunday afternoon game. I was still hungover from my festivities from the night before. Apparently, so were the Devils. They were outshot 28-10 in the first two periods, didn’t play offense, and didn’t play defense. In the first period alone, the Caps hit 2 posts and needed 2 amazing Brodeur saves to keep the game close. Luckily, their shipment of Pedialite arrived for the 3^rd period and their game improved. But still, an awful first two periods.

The Ugly

Sheldon Brookbank. Usually the Devil fighters are good at not getting their asses kicked in fights. Not Sheldon Brookbank. He really sucks in every possible way.

Joe & Evan live from The Rock. They broadcasted live from The Rock, 10am to 12:50pm on President’s Day. So you’d think they’d interview some Devils over the course of this time right? Nope. Daneyko, Doc Emerick, and quasi-player Kevin Weekes.

Brodeur's Minutes. The last two years, Brodeur has played about 75 games/season. He was then outplayed by Ward and Emery in the second round. It was acceptable for Brodeur to play this often when Scott "BC Sucks and so do I" Clemmensen was the untested backup. Now, we have Kevin Weekes and things are supposed to be different, Weekes being one of the better backups in the league. But like Clemmensen before him, Weekes will play in maybe 6 or 7 games all year, leaving Brodeur nice and tired for the postseason. Great.

Wait, aren't you guys supposed to be a sports blog? (Catching up with the Devils, Part III)

Predictions

-Zach Parise, he of the team-leading 25 goals, will end the year with 30.

-Brodeur will win the Vezina. The other nominees? I, along with the other SUS hockey experts have no idea. So let’s just call the committee lazy and say that Luongo and Nabokov will be the competition. Apologies to Ty Conklin.

-Along those lines, John Madden will win the Selke. 2 ironies here: #1: Madden will win this award not because he’s playing exceptional defense this year, (he is, but that's not the point) but because his offensive statistics are good enough to qualify him for the award of being the best defensive forward. This is a good award, but the way it is decided is retarded. Either way though, he’ll win. Oh, and irony #2: The Devils will have two award winners after only having one all-star this year.

-The Devils will finish the year at 48-26-8, 104 points, good enough for first overall in the East. While we’re here, let’s give the rest of the seeds: 2.Montreal, 3.Washington, 4.Pittsburgh, 5.Ottawa, 6.Rangers, 7.Boston, 8.Buffalo.

Final thoughts

1. I’m pretty sure I like this Salvador/Jannsen trade. It’s nice to have another defenseman to possibly play with Paul Martin as our 2^nd defensive pairing. This gives us 7 more than competent defensemen: White, Mottau, Martin, Oduya, Salvador, Rachunek, and Greene. Sutter tends to use 7 defensemen and can continue this trend in the playoffs with Vishnevski and Brookbank (Tthank God!) to spare. It’ll suck to see Jannsen go, but it’s not like fighters get playing time in the playoffs. Plus, we still have 3-4 fighters for next year.

2. I noticed this when looking over the St. Louis roster: is Paul Kariya really playing in St. Louis? I had no freakin clue.

2. Has anyone seen the Joe Louis special on HBO? I saw a few minutes of it, pretty solid. More importantly, when he fought Max Schmeling, Hitler’s prized fighter, this might be the first time in recorded history that Blacks and Jews came together for a common cause. The second time? Obama's presidential campaign.

Sure Sarah's doing Matt Damon, but what about Kimmel?

I wish I were Matt Damon

From the Kimmel show. I'd imagine that this has gotten around, but just in case it hasnt:

Hockey Deadline Speculation

The trade deadline is about 24 hours away and all remains quiet on the front. Expect it to remain that way for the most part for a few reasons.

First that there aren’t as many big name UFA’s that will be changing hands this year. Last year there were quite a few, this year it’s paltry for ones that not are free agents and don’t have a no trade or movement clause. Guys like Adam Foote and Rob Blake would normally garner a bounty, but neither seem willing to waive their clauses so they’re taken out of talks.

Secondly how close the playoffs races are. There are few teams that are actually out of it right now, meaning most teams are buyers rather than sellers. That dries up the available pool even more.

Lastly is that last year showed the big name acquisitions had little impact on the teams they were dealt to. Bill Guerin and Todd Bertuzzi, two big names had little to no impact on their teams. This will make GM’s more wary about dealing for anyone in general with a high price.

But that’s not to say there won’t be any deals, and names continue to be thrown out there. So lets take a look at what big names could be moving on by tomorrow.


Marian Hossa, Atlanta Thrashers
Contract talks seem to have completely failed meaning Atlanta is going to get what they can for him. Expect them to land a first round pick and a young player or two in return. Hossa is the biggest name and definitely an impact player so his value will be high.


Bobby Holik, Atlanta Thrashers
Holik is a UFA at the end of the year and whether or not he gets dealt will depend on how likely Wadell thinks the Thrashers will make the playoffs. He wont get them a lot, but if they think they cant go far (which I don’t think they can), they should get what they can for him.


Mats Sundin, Tornto Maple Leafs
He’s stated he wont waive his NTC, so he wont be going anywhere


Tomas Kaberle, Toronto Maple Leafs
He’s their best dman, but his NTC doesn’t kick in until next year. For his price and what he brings I think Fletcher is smart enough to keep him around.


Bryan McCabe, Toronto Maple Leafs
With multiple years on his deal remaining and a no movement clause, Id ont expect him to be going anywhere.


Brad Richards, Tampa Bay Lightning
Richards have given Jay Feaster a list of teams he would accept a trade to and that means the ball is rolling. Whether or not it will keep going is another story. The Richards contract was a mistake from the get go, another idiotic move by Feaster in giving in to an agents demands. Now the Lightning have little depth and their only chance to recover is to offload one of the big 3, Richards having the biggest salary and currently the worst play. If Feaster can get a decent deal, and Richards waives his NTC, this will happen, but it is really the latter that is the big question.


Dan Boyle, Tampa bay Lightning
Rumor is Boyle is seeking Scott Niedermayer money. If he truly thinks he will get that he vastly over rates himself. Still, with new ownership plus lagging far behind in the playoff race expect the Lightning to deal the defenseman for young players and free up salary to sign some guys in the off season.

Vaclav Prospal, Tampa Bay Lightning
Apparently far apart on contract talks, and almost out of contention, expect Feaster to get what he can for Prospal.


Jaromir Jagr, New York Rangers
Things don’t look too good for Jagr returning to new York after this year for various reasons, but his value for the playoffs is too great to get rid of. He will be with the blue shirts for the remainder of the year.


Adam Foote, Columbus Blue Jackets
As mentioned earlier he has an NTC and doesn’t seem to want to waive it. If he doesn’t the Jackets are missing out on a big return because Foote is the kind of player teams love to get at the deadline. I expect him to not waive it and stay put.


Sergei Federov, Columbus Blue Jackets
He hasn’t been the same since he left Detroit but his experience can bring a good return. No way the jackets will keep him at his current deal so I expect for him to off loaded for whatever they can get for him.


Rob Blake, LA Kings
Like Foote he seems to be intent on not waiving his NTC. He likes LA and doesn’t mind being on a rebuilding team. Also like foot that is somewhat bad as the Kings can command a lot for him. I don’t think he will waive his clause, and I expect him to resign with the Kings for a lesser price in the off season.


Ladislav Nagy, LA Kings
Nagy hasn’t done that well since the lockout and his stock continues to drop. LA will move him just to gain some assets, but don’t expect it to be much for this fading forward.


Brad Stuart, LA Kings
Stuart hasn’t done that well for the Kings, but hasn’t been bad. As defensemen are a hot commodity this time of year, I wont be surprised if he is dealt, or if the Kings keep him to sign him for another year or two.


Martin Havlat, Chicago Blackhawks
His salary and injury history make this talented player all but tradable. I don’t see anyone taking a risk on paying a guy $6mm a year for half a season


Glen Murray, Boston Bruins
Every year his name pops up. Look, he’s aging, he’s injured and his production keeps dropping. As long as he has a year remaining on his contract he’s not going anywhere because no one is dumb enough to take him (with Mike Milbury gone and Feaster having no room for him).


Mike Comrie, New York Islanders
The Isles like Comrie and he has played well there. Expect them to try and sign him long term


Ollie Jokinen, Florida Panthers
People always ignore the fact that Jokinen likes Florida and signed a long term deal and passed on free agency two years ago. He’s not moving, get over it rumor mongers


Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres
Negotions failed to sign the blue liner to a long term deal, and past history indicated Buffalo wont be able to sign him in the off season. Campbell will most likely be the big name defenseman moved at this deadline.


John Michael Liles, Colorado Avalanche
As long as the Avs think they can make the playoffs he will be staying put, even if it seems he is already gone after this year.


Alex Tanguay and Kristen Huselius, Calgary Flames
Honestly, do we really think Sutter isn’t going to try and win it all and keep his big guns? I didn’t think so.

Angry White Man (Weekend Edition)

So big ups to the Washington D.C. Metro Transportation for fixing the kinks on the Metro. But here's my question-did you have to single track the trains from Friendship Heights all the way to Dupont Circle? That's 6 stops! I took 3 round trips for various reasons yesterday into the thick of the single tracking, and I think 2 hours of my Saturday was spent waiting for the train. But hey, I guess I better get used to it. The metro is going to be messed up like this for 3 MORE WEEKS. Ugh.

...and he'll go to the grave as an angry old man

The guy: Depressed or just inbred?

"Uh, sweetie, can I get a minute?"
"Mmm, kinda busy right now babe."

Miss Met vs. Devo from the red carpet. Who ya got?

VS

It was an adequate year for movies at best, but regardless, let’s get into it:

Best Movie

“Atonement”
“Juno”
“Michael Clayton”
“No Country for Old Men”
“There Will Be Blood”

Devo: If these are the best movies of the year, then this year was no better than a 6.5 out of 10. None of these movies were great, especially Atonement, which sucked. Country and Blood both had fairly significant flaws that I discussed previously. Country will win, but Blood was better. But more about what should have won below.

MissMet: It would be amazing if Juno pulled an upset and won. I don’t really see that happening- No Country for Old Men.

Best Actor

George Clooney in “Michael Clayton”
Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood”
Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah”
Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises”

Devo: Daniel Day-Lewis should win it, and I think he will. Part of me wants to see Tommy Lee Jones win, if only to see my Dad continue his bitching and moaning about how TLJ’s character in No Country For Old Men, was the most depressing character of all time.

MissMet: I’m going with the safe bet of Daniel Day-Lewis, because everyone and their mother says he’s going to win. Did anyone see Eastern Promises? I heard there was a naked fight in it, including Viggo. If this is Viggo circa Lord of the Rings, I’m in. I still pick Daniel though.

Best Actress

Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
Julie Christie in “Away from Her”
Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose”
Laura Linney in “The Savages”
Ellen Page in “Juno”

Devo: Don’t care unless Ellen Page wins. And even then, not really. I guess I’ll say Julie Christie, just because.

MissMet: My aunt and uncle saw Away from Her and said it was pretty much the most devastating thing they’ve seen in awhile. When I asked how Julie Christie was, my aunt replied, “Oh, she was good.” The bold and italics represent the infection which she said the word good, because I cannot recreate it for you over the interweb. I can’t argue with that- Julie Christie.

Best Supporting Actor

Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”
Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”
Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War”
Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild”
Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton”

Devo: With all apologies to Philip Seymour Hoffman, this award has to go to Bardem, friendo.

MissMet: Javier Bardem just because of his haircut. Oh and he was supposedly amazing in this role.

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There”
Ruby Dee in “American Gangster”
Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement”
Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone”
Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton”

Devo: Boo to Amy Ryan for giving McNulty the shaft in The Wire. This’ll probably go to Cate Blanchett for playing a female, Victorian-Age Bob Dylan.

MissMet: Apparently, Ruby Dee is the sentimental favorite because she’s so old. Saoirse Ronan is a prodigy because she’s so young. Let’s say Amy Ryan, just so we have one different pick. Plus, she’s a New Yorker acting with a thick Boston accent. If that’s not an acting stretch then I dunno what is....

Final Thoughts:

Devo: As long as Atonement didn’t win anything important, it’s been a good Oscar Year. But three dramas were all better than the nominees: American Gangster, Gone Baby Gone, and Kite Runner. And also, the Eddie Vedder Into the Wild song got screwed.

MissMet: I really hope the song “Falling Slowly” from Once wins Best Original Song. I hope that Jon Stewart is damn funny and I hope that there aren’t any wardrobe malfunctions.

Guitar Hero Ramblings

Ok so let me be the lone asshole on this site to admit that he has Guitar Hero and he plays it frequently (ok not that frequently, let's say twice a week) so that his Midtown Manhattan neighbors can all laugh at him and send him disturbing craigslist postings but I digress. I might be getting a little to old for video games but when the fuck was it necessary to utilize all the digits on one's fingers?

Do you remember the old school games when we only needed 2 fingers at max. I MISS THOSE DAYS. Goddammit that a man doesn't have other shit to do that utilizes all 5 phalanges. It truly limits a man's potential (oh and let me guess a female's potential as well).

Look here video game makers, the time has come to realize who you are dealing with. My generation was all about the the a,b, start and nothing more. When you make it necessary to utilize our pinky and ring fingers, my gawd, you are just asking for it. Sure, kids these days know how to utilize all 5 fingers but i'm still an old motherfucker and I am resistant to change. Just for that, the next little asshole I see in an arcade, i'm going to knock the fuck out. Fuck you for you showing up your elders you prick kid.

Sure most of you will tell me to take my ass to the practice mode, but FUCK YOU. I want to rock out too. I just happen to have difficulty on medium mode. EH fuck it. I'll just out rock these kids on Rockband. (I CHALLENGE ANYONE TO A KAROKE SHOWDOWN)

Anyways, yes i'm a loser and I stand by it.

Saddest Movie Deaths

The title is self explanatory. In the words of Bill "Kick the field goal" Cowher "Let's go!"


10) Mufasa (Voice of James Earl Jones), Lion King

Though I was one of the few that didn’t watch the lion king, I of course heard everything about it, including the death of the father lion. Apparently a big deal, kind of akin to Bambi’s mom getting owned by a hunter back in the day, and after all it was Disney, but I heard it was upsetting, so since the movie was popular here he is.



9) Blue (Patrick Cranshaw), Old School

Blue was awesome, but you had to feel bad when the old timer bought it. Furthered enhanced by Will Ferrell’s rendition of ‘Dust in the Wind’ it was the only sad moment of the movie. But you got to give it to Blue he went out the way we all want to go: wrestling with topless chicks in a pool of Vaseline. Or just anything with topless chicks would do really.



8) Maximus (Russell Crow), Gladiator

Ok, it wasn’t totally sad because he met up with his wife and son in the afterlife, but still. After being betrayed by an incest loving douche he fought his way through the ranks shitting on everyone in his path. Hell, even his name Maximus was bad ass! He even ruined a Tiger’s shit for god’s sake. A fricken Tiger! When a guy that does that dies it is a sad day indeed.




7) Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey), American Beauty
Even though we knew he was going to die from being told in the opening lines, Lester was so awesome you couldn’t help but be sad when he did die. The guy did everything all of us want to do in just saying “fuck it all” and enjoy life. As he said I rule!”




6) Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), Armageddon

Though there wasn’t a whole lot to Willis’ character in the movie, somehow he grew on you. Though you could see the ending coming a mile away (what a surprise with Michael Bay, but I digress) you still felt sad as the caring father in him stayed behind to split the asteroid so his daughter could marry the man she loved, even if it was Ben Affleck.




5) Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks), Saving Private Ryan

Frankly I don’t think Matt Damon was worth it, but that’s me. Hanks portrayed an ordinary guy who was liked in his community forced into war where he didn’t belong. He always kept his humanity and was the calming force through the movie. Probably sadder is how he died in that the one pansy in his squad that made them let the Nazi go came back and killed half of them, Hanks included. I hate that guy, especially since he’s that fucking annoying in every movie he does.



4) Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers), Rocky IV

Apollo should still be alive and kicking. Granted he was dumb and didn’t want Rocky to throw in the towel, but that jackass from Philly wouldn’t throw it in and Apollo died because of it (what a surprise a Philly guy fucked up). Apollo was awesome, Rocky is the one who should have been killed in the ring, less people would have cared.




3) Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer), Blade Runner

Rutger Hauer’s character was made to kill other living things, and that’s exactly what he did. Yet in his final words he managed to utter a few sentences that made you realize all he wanted in life was the same thing we all wanted, and you instantly sympathize with him and mourn his death. That’s good writing there.



2) T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Terminator 2
It’s hard to imagine actually feeling bad when a robot meant to kill humans dies, though Terminator 2 pulled it off. We saw as he learned about human emotions, talked slang that was supposedly popular but none of us ever remember actually using and continually blew shit up. Somehow this murderous robot found a place in our hearts and in the end we were saddened as he was lowered into molten steel and gave a thumbs up as he went.



1) Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), Transformers the Movie

What is worse than watching your favorite cartoon character die on when your five years old? Nothing! That’s why this is number one (that and if you know me enough you knew it would be here). We all loved Optimus Prime in his infinite wisdom and awesomeness, and yet the writers saw fit to kill him. It was bullshit. Granted they brought him back because they got so many fan letters demanding it, but still, it sucked and many parents had to drag their crying kids out of the theatre. I mean, 20 years later and people like me are still bitching about it, that’s impact right there.

And worst of all? The douchebag that that got him killed took over as leader! Mother fucker, I still hate that piece of shit.

Get Ready for My Superbowl Sunday

The end of February is quickly approaching, sports and entertainment fans (yes, even with the leap year!), so you know what that means. It's Academy Awards Time! Oscar night has always been an important one in my life. Every year, I gear up by seeing (some of) the films, reading analysis, making my predictions and getting extra excited on the Big Night. Even when I was in elementary school, say 9 or 10 years old, I would get downright giddy as the stars would arrive on the Red Carpet. What were they wearing? Who was their date? What kind of asinine questions would Joan Rivers ask? Some things have changed about the show since then. Up until a few years ago, the show was in March and on a Monday night. Back then, I would always equate the Oscars with the end of winter, because something else fantastic happened on that night: the softball draft pick. My dad coached my softball team for five years, and every Oscar night, he would come home with a new team (mostly made up of my friends, duh). This forever coupled my love for sports with my love for entertainment.

True, the show is always too long. It has one too many montages. Parts of it are kinda boring. There are way too many commericals. I'm usually a zombie the next day at school/work. For some reason though, every year I get that same excitement. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that so many movie stars are in one room at once, and that a lot of them are fabulous. I really don't know what it is and a lot of people don't give a shit about them at all. With all that being said, you know where I'll be on Sunday night from 7ish (Red Carpet pre-shows!)-about 11:45: planted in front of my tv and enjoying every minute of it.

Coming Soon: An Oscar Pick Showdown between Devo and MissMet.

The Douchebags of Hockey- Eastern Conference Edition

Hockey, the game adored by Canadians as if it were a religion. The game on ice where men hit a rubber mass with a stick. A game where men dressed in full pads slam into each other and sometimes remove the gloves to fight. A game of speed and skill, of blood, sweat and tears. A game filled with douchebags.

That’s right, even hockey has it’s fair share of doucehbags as douchebaggery is everywhere, all the time. But there is always that one guy who is a bigger douchebag then the next, so we’ll take a look, team by team, of the biggest douchebag they have.


Atlantic Division

New Jersey Devils
Cam Jannsen- got rid of the puck ten seconds ago, still not too long for cam to skate across the ice and blindside you. This guy has no problem hitting late, from behind or just out and out cheap shotting you.
Honorable Mentions- Lou Lamoriello for the trap bullshit, Jay Pandolpho super scrub extraordinaire, John Madden since the league refuses to call any penalties on him, Colin “2 Handed Slash” White Special douche in training: David Clarkson
Team Douche Level: 7


New York Islanders
Chris Simon- He’s received the two longest suspensions in NHL history within a year’s time, two handed one guy in the face with a stick on stepping on another with his skate.
Honorable Mentions- Brendan Witt who tries to act tough but even admits he refuses to fight, Andy Sutton cause he sucks shit, owner Charles Wang for obvious reasons, Rick DouchePiedro
Team Douche Level: 7


New York Rangers
Ryan Holweg- You’re probably wondering why not Sean Avery, well, yes, Avery is a douchebag. But Avery hasn’t made a career of hitting people from behind. Avery is a prick that needs and ass kicking, Holweg is just a plain old douche.
Honorable Mentions- Sean Avery, Marik Malik since he’s the scapegoat, Colton Orr, Scott Gomez Mr. “I will never play for the Rangers”
Team Douche Level: 8


Philadelphia Flyers
The Whole Team- there is just way too much douchebaggery on the Flyers to give it to one single guy. Sure, players like Downie, Cote or Biron come up, but really it’s a team effort and they all deserve recognition.
Team Douche Level: 10


Pittsburgh Penguins
Jarkko Ruutu- he dives, he hooks, he yaps he hits when your head is turned. The ever hated Ruutu easily takes the title for the Pens.
Honorable Mentions- Gary Roberts for diving on goalies, Sidney Crosby just cause you hate him
Team Douche Level: 4






Northeast Division

Boston bruins
Zdeno Chara- he’s really not a douche but no one on the Bruins really is (quite the achievement being in the City of Massholes). But he’s big and you can’t retaliate much against him, so he gets it.
Honorable Mentions- Peter Chiarelli, cause I need an honorable mention and he sucks
Team Douche Level: 2


Buffalo Sabres
Andrew Peters- he goes around trying to pick fights, that’s douchey enough for me.
Honorable Mentions- Maxim Afinogenov, Tomas Vanek for stealing money
Team Douche Level: 4


Montreal Canadiens
Maxim Lapierre- he cheap shots giving guys a spear or jab when they aren’t looking then acts all innocent afterwards. Douche.
Honorable Mentions-mike Komisarek,
Team Douche Level: 5


Ottawa Senators
Chris Neil- while normally the tough guy of the team gets the nod, Neil beats out McGratton for the honor. After learning the martial arts in Asia Neil returned as a master of the Flying Elbow style of combat, always leaving his feet in order to take someone’s head from their neck.
Honorable Mentions- Brian McGratton, Ray Emery who idolizes Mike Tyson, Daniel Alfredsson whose last name in Swedish means “douchebag”, Christof Schubert- successfully running people since 2005, Mike Commodore, just look at this guy and tell me he’s not an uber douche http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/topstory/sports/commodore_mike041027.jpg
Team Douche Level: 9


Toronto Maple Leafs
Wade Belak- Toronto has always lead the pack in doucehbags, and at one time fielded an al DB team with the likes of Bryan Marchment and Tie Domi to lead the way, but have calmed down in recent years. The winner is Wade Belak who has no real talent to speak of, contributes nothing on a nightly basis yet has held a job there for seven years.
Honorable Mentions- Darcy Tucker, Hal Gill, Nik Antropov
Team Douche Level: 8



Southeast Division

Atlanta Thrashers
Ilya Kovulchuk- practically prances around on his skates like a fairy and makes douche gestures all the time, including the finger point which he loves the most, and that is an uber douche move.
Honorable Mentions- Bobby Holik
Team Douche Level: 4


Carolina Hurricanes
Erik Cole- Though he faced a good amount of competition (Mike Commodore was still on the team when I began writing this), Cole takes it. Why you say? After getting injured by turning his back to an open ice hitter as he was about to be hit, Cole threw a pity party for the next nine months about it, and even said after winning the Stanley Cup it would be better if he wasn’t hurt. He won the greatest treasure in hockey and still complained. Then, after complaining about getting hit from behind has developed an affinity for doing it himself making him a Grad A Hypocrite.
Honorable Mentions- Justin Williams for always giving a cheap shot then running away,
Team Douche Level: 8



Florida Panthers
Steve Montador- he cant do anything but hit late.
Honorable Mentions- yeah, I really got nothing. This was much easier when they had Peter Worrell.
Team Douche Level: 2



Tampa Bay Lightning
Vinny Lecavalier- I’m going for the outright biased pick because he always $@&%ing scores on the Pens. That’s pretty much it.
Honorable Mentions- Nick Tarnasky, Matheiu Darche: just cause it sounds douche
Team Douche Level: 3


Washington Capitals
Alexander Ovechkin- again, a biased pick because he’s always trying to outshine Crosby and hit Malkin. He finally succeeding in out performing Crosby, but only because Crosby didn’t play that game, and he went to hit Malkin who pulled a classic matador move and sent Ovechkin sailing into the boards with a miss. Stop being a douche Alex and accept you are Crosby’s lesser.
Honorable Mentions- Alexander Semin: prick (unintentional pun), Donald Brashear, John EerskineTeam Douche Level: 6

SUS celebrates Black History Month with The Wire, Part 2: The Gangsters

The OG’s

Avon Barksdale
The original target of the Wire in Season 1. Sent to jail in season 1, out in season 2, and back in for good in season 3. Believed that he was born a kid of the streets and that in spite of his rise to the top of the Baltimore drug trade, the only way to gain power was by force. Is generally loyal to his people, in spite of the fact that he went to jail in season 3 because Stringer Bell ratted him out. Was one of many irrelevant characters to have a short cameo in season 5.

Stringer Bell
Probably my third favorite character on the show. He was Avon’s right-hand man and lifelong partner in crime. Avoiding jail, he was the head of the Barksdale crew while Avon was inside. Whereas Avon was always a straight up thug, Stringer aspired to make his earnings legitimate and invested in real estate with some crooked businessmen who eventually screwed him over. He killed Avon’s nephew when he was in jail while making it look like suicide because he was worried that he would talk to the cops. This made it much easier for Avon to give up Bell’s whereabouts to a couple of killers when they had a score to settle with him. One of the better deaths on the show.

D’Angelo Barksdale
Was in charge of dealing within the housing projects in Season 1. Served as a mentor to Bodie and others. Went to jail before the others towards the end of Season 1 and would have ratted out Avon and his crew except that his Mom, Avon’s sister made it clear that he had to take the weight. Worries about him ratting out the rest of the crew led to Stringer hiring someone in the jail to kill him and make it look like suicide. Another fantastically tragic death.

Bodie
I guess the theme with the OG’s is their cinematic yet amazingly sad deaths, and Bodie is no exception. He started out as an underling of D’Angelo in the projects, and came into his own as a dealer in seasons 2-4, getting his own corners. All this while Marlo, the head of the new school, came in and took away his territory. After one of his boys is needlessly killed by Marlo, he decries the ethics of the game to McNulty. (One could bring up the fact that he killed one of his boys, Wallace, for basically the same reasons in Season 1, but we’ll pass) One of the new school thugs saw this, told Marlo, and Bodie died defending his corner. R.I.P: last of the old school fools.

New School

Proposition Joe
Not so much a new character, but his character was developed a lot more in the 2^nd half of the show. He was introduced as Avon’s rival, but rose to the top of the Baltimore drug trade by forming a co-op. Came to realize that profits can be greater when all of the drug dealers work together. If only Barzini and Tattaglia realized this, Santino Corleone’s life could’ve been saved. Naturally, he got killed when a young punk wanted to run the whole thing. One of the top 4 saddest deaths on the show.

Marlo
The new HNIC. Was about to go to war with Avon to rule the city when Avon got arrested, leaving Marlo as the default leader. Rose to the top by being smart and absolutely ruthless. (Had his people kill everyone who even thought about crossing him and buried them in vacant apartments so that they’d never be found.) Didn’t rise to the top by being street smart or respecting his elders. (Killed Prop Joe when Joe was giving him a fair shake in the co-op. Joe was also the same man who taught him about wiring money, putting it in an offshore account, and the internet.)

Snoop
Look at this picture. Looks like a pretty small dude, right? Well it’s actually a chick. I’ve spent 3 unsuccessful seasons trying to find her tits. One of Marlo’s two hitmen. (hitpeople) She needs to die.

Chris
The other of Marlo’s hitmen that needs to die. Just a completely bad person with no redeeming qualities. Though in real life, he worked for the Corporation of National Service, the federal agency that oversees Americorps. For someone to do that altruistic work to play such an asshole…now THAT’S acting.

Cheese
M-E-T-H-O-D MAN! Like him a lot more when he’s a member of Wu-Tang Clan. As a rapper, he has charisma. On the Wire, he plans his uncle’s death. He too needs to die.

Kenard
This kid’s like 3’8, maybe 13 years old, but works the corner with a mouth and temperament of a 22 year old street tested thug. He doesn’t need to die, but someone should kick the shit out of him for an extended period of time.

Coming next week: City Hall & Co.

Did anyone bother to read the Mitchell Report?

Its been an interesting two months since former Senator George Mitchell released the "Report to the Commissioner of Baseball of an Independent Investigation into the Illegal Use of Steroids and Other Performance Enhancing Substances by Players in Major League Baseball". Much has been said about the credibility of witnesses, the fact that the "accused are innocent until proven guilty", and that Sen. Mitchell is himself a deceptive individual who cant be trusted. Let me refute these incredibly asinine arguments.

1. The major sources for the information in the Mitchell report were Kirk Radomski and Brian McNamee. Thier cooperation with Sen. Mitchell was secured by allowing them to plead to lesser charges in thier respective cases on distribution of illegal substances(drugs, to the lay person). Now, some have said that makes them untrustworthy. Which is a logical argument, if you want to destroy our entire criminal justice system. For those of you who have never; talked to a lawyer, gotten arrested with your buddies, watched "Law & Order", watched "The Wire", watched any cop show ever, trading information for a lightened sentence is pretty much how criminal prosecutions work. It rewards the defendents who come clean early, and punishes those who continue to lie to investigators. So if that is an illegitimate concept, then you can go ahead and free probably 85-90% of the people in prison. I expect all you people calling McNamee and Radomski liars to be down at City Hall protesting for this tomorrow morning.

2. This was my favorite anti-Mitchell arguement of them all. Oh, these poor, upstanding baseball players, with thier names splashed across the front pages of newspapers across the country. THE HUMANITY!!! Poor guys, where can they hide their "innocent until proven guilty" faces? But hold on-what does that phrase actually mean? Lets go to the video tape-er-wikipedia. "The presumption of innocence — being innocent until proven guilty — is a legal right that the accused in criminal trials has in many modern nations." Now, I may be terribly mistaken, but I believe Sen. Mitchell was not bringing people up on charges. His report is addressed to the Commissioner of Baseball, not the local hanging judge. You see, the presumption of innocence is the basis of our trial system so that prosecutors have to convince a jury of your peers that you are guilty BEFORE THEY SEND YOU TO PRISON. This concept is to keep innocent people out of jail, not off the front pages. To protect against defaming statements(slander and libel), people are allowed to sue the person who made the defaming statements. Strangely, not one person named in the Mitchell Report has done this. In fact, the only responses from the individuals named have been confirmations of the accusations, non-denial denials and Roger Clemens's fascinating self-immolation on Capitol Hill. Lets not forget that Mitchell has NOTHING to do with the Congressional hearings, and that any perjury case against Clemens will stem from his own stratospherically egotistical decision to demand a public hearing in front of Congress, not from anything George Mitchell did.

3. This is the most ridiculous anti-Mitchell statement of them all. First, lets look at this guy's resume:

George John Mitchell, (born August 20, 1933) is a former Democratic Party politician and United States Senator who currently serves as chairman of the worldwide law firm DLA Piper and also as the Chancellor of the Queen's University in Belfast, Northern Ireland. He was the U.S. Senate Majority Leader from 1989 to 1995 and chairman of The Walt Disney Company from March 2004 until January 2007. He served as co-chairman (with Newt Gingrich) of the Congressionally mandated Task Force on the United Nations, which released its findings and recommendations on June 15, 2005. In 2007, he became a visiting Professor in Leeds Metropolitan University's School of Applied Global Ethics and the University is developing a new Centre for Peace and Conflict Resolution bearing his name. Since 1995, he has been active in the Northern Ireland peace process as U.S. Special Envoy to Northern Ireland. Mitchell first led a commission that established the principles on non-violence to which all parties in Northern Ireland had to adhere and subsequently chaired the all-party peace negotiations, which led to the Belfast Peace Agreement signed on Good Friday 1998 (known since as the Good Friday Agreement).

Now, after looking at that, you realize that the Mitchell Report is probably the least important thing this guy has ever done. This is a guy who has bigger fish to fry than weasely little Hank Steinbrenner and the yahoos in the Yankees front office. Hear this loud and clear Yankee (and Red Sox) fans: Not everything in the world is about the Boston-New York sports rivalry. George Mitchell is a "Director" of the Red Sox because hes a former Senator from Maine, not because he swore a blood oath to fabricate evidence to embarass the Yankees. They named a bunch of Yankees and Mets because they were getting info from guys who-thats right-WORKED FOR/WITH THE YANKEES AND METS!!! I know that this may be too logical for some of you out there, but Mitchell didnt want to mention players about whom he had no evidence. But what of Sen. Mitchells ultimate intentions? Surely they are the eventual uncovering of all the steroid users on the Yankees and thier prosecution and imprisonment, right? Lets see his conclusion on that: "An exhaustive investigation attempting to identify every player that has used illegal substances would not be beneficial." He said, there is gonna be no way to definitively prove or disprove whether each individual player juiced, so lets test everyone from here on out and let bygones be bygones. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Maybe we should all follow his advice.

New Jersey's prodigal son returns!

Keith Van Horn, one of two Nets to span the Jayson Williams "we almost beat the Bulls in one of the 3 games needed to win a 5 game series" era and the Jason Kidd "Holy shit, there's a basketball team in New Jersey?" era has returned home for the "Uh, what now?" era of Nets basketball. Van Horn has had to overcome a lot over the course of his career, most notably proving to critics that he did not have downs syndrome. Now he must overcome another controversy: being the white boy who got in the way of the first ever multi-Devin player deal. Sure, the Nets get Devin Harris, but couldn't they use a Devean (George)? Or are there enough Devins in New Jersey as is?