Hockey Fight 101

First off, let me say that Im glad to see that Jonathan Roy has the same attitude when getting his ass kicked as his father did. Pure, blind, rage at the world. This is obviously a classy kid (note the champion pose he strikes after the beating he lays down). I know everyone will take the beaten goalies side in this, but c'mon, does this kid have no self respect? You cant take a single swing back? He got worked like a 40 year-old hooker up at Hunts Point who was $50 short for the night. The video above is good, but the one here at ESPN is better. Keep a close eye on the screen after Roy does the takedown for the ref actually keeping another player from defending his goalie, and getting worked as well.

Yanks notes from your favorite Whiteboy: Thanks Buccos

You know, I was about to post about how I was wrong to prematurely right off the Yanks this year. They had just won 8 in a row and were in a loss column tie for the wild-card with the Sawx. However, leave it to this 2008 Yanks, the team of the streak, to just make you furious. Not only have they lost 2 straight after winning the previous 8, they did so in embarrassing fashion losing by a combined score of 22-6 to the Sawx and the terrible Orioles. With this fresh agitation in mind; here is what is on my Yankee fan mind........

(1) The trade for X-man and Marte was awesome- This trade, in which we gave up nothing, was the ideal trade for the 2008 Yankees. It filled its 2nd and 3rd most glaring need. They desperately needed a righty bat with some pop because the only power bat from the right side is Arod. We also needed a Ortiz-Crawford- specialist aka a lefty specialist. The Yanks have already reaped the benefits of this part of the trade as Marte struck out Papi swinging in a big spot during Sunday's 10-3 thrashing of the Sawx. However Nady is off to a very slow start only going 1 for his first 11.

(2) Most glaring need of adding a starter to the back end of the rotation however has not been addressed- The Yankees need to acquire Jarod Washburn. Despite his average numbers and that the BIG is not enamored with Washburn, the Yanks need to add a solid 4th starter to the rotation. The fact that he is a lefty hurler who would pitch at the stadium would only help matters. If the Yanks do acquire Washburn, this immediately solidifies our 1-4 in the rotation and 1-5 when Wang returns in September. Let Rasner and his bizzaro twin Sidney Ponson duke it out for the 5th spot.
.
(3) R.I.P. Jorge 2008 season- Yesterday was a rough day for Yankee fans. Yes, our favorite team lost 13-4 at home to the last place O's; but we also lost our beloved star catcher for the season to admittingly necessary shoulder surgery. Still, his potent switch hitting bat will be sorely missed as will his veteran leadership and his ability to call a game. However, his .0005% throwing out would be base stealer percentage will not be missed.

(4) Jeter I can't take your double plays anymore its killing me- Yesterday the Yanks had to suck up Mussina's first bad outing in over 2 months. He just did not have it from the get go. He had poor control and terrible location on all of his pitches. This allowed the mediocre Kevin Millar and Ramon Hernandez to hit absolute bombs to left and right center respectively to put the O's on top 4-0 in the 2nd. However, in the top of the 4th, after O's righty Jeremy Guthrie had retired the first 9 Yanks in order to start the contest, Damon leads off with a hard single to left. But thank G-d, Jeter hits into his daily double-play by hitting a hard grounder right to the 2nd baseman. Derek, IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HIT WITH ANY POWER AT ALL AND YOU ARE GOING TO HIT 285, YOU NEED TO SOMEHOW SWING UP MORE OR DO SOMETHING TO NOT HIT THE BALL ON THE GROUND RIGHT AT INFIELDERS, YOU ARE KILLING THIS FREAKING TEAM! I will always have a place in my heart for #2 but his play this year has been putrid I don't care what Michael Kay and his band of Yankee suck-ups say. Oy

Monday Night BSing with Mahatma!

SUS is still on vacation but don't worry!



Being the token asshole (uh I mean editor in chief whose not feverishly preparing for the bar exam) I figure it's my duty to keep this site going forward in the progressive nature we all intended during its inception. Let me bust out the ol computer and rock out.

So kids what time is it? Why IT's MONDAY NIGHT BULLSHITTING WITH MAHATMA.

Woohoo!

I saw Batman over the weekend and yea it's great. BH said "it's leave work right now and watch it great" and you know what I kindof agree mostly because I hate my job but hey that's all right!

Its still probably the best movie i've seen in theatres although I'd like to give a big FU to the Lowe's cinema at 32 and 2nd for having its audio crap out in the middle of one of the Dent/Gordon scenes. As a result, 32nd and 2nd Lowe's wins the Loser of the week award.



Ledger was out of this world but I gotta give props to Aaron Eckhardt too continuing the momentum from Thank You for Smoking although people say its more or less the same role.

Anyway back to Ledger, I saw ten things I hate about you over the weekend again also and its weird how a man that annoying in that could play the best villain in comic book history but such is life. Its sad because you figure Ledger would probably have been back in the 3rd movie in Nolan's trilogy. Anyway, once again great actor whose life was cut far too short.

Anyway on to more depressing things, like the Yankees acquiring Xman and Demaso Marte from the worthless excuse for a baseball franchise "the Pirates" for a metro card, meat on a stick, a yankee hat and a half eaten bag of pringles.

Sadly, the best trade in years for the Pirates. Being the person least knowledgeable about baseball on this, I figure it's my duty to report. Here's a picture to sum up my thoughts:
The guy on the right is the Pirates. The guy who also made this picture probably also works for the Pirates.

Litteraly....

On to other things:

I forgot to mention I saw this asshole at a bar that I frequent 2 weeks ago:



Boy where the hell did this guy go? Shouldn't he have been on the Surreal Life by now? Regardless, he had this hot chick on his arm which further proves that God hates us all.

Oh right we are a sports website. Well here's some more wacky nonsense that I found on rivals.com

I didn't want to get into football mode in July but alas I guess I have to.

I know what you are thinking Oh why doesn't this get adopted into the NFL. Thankfully, the rules of NFL football forbid such nonsense.

In the NFL, the rules won't allow this offensive philosophy, because it is based on the scrimmage kick rule in NFHS. The NFL has no such rule, and mandates 5 OL numbers on the LOS. Now, could you run a swinging gate..sure..if you want to get the QB killed.

The scrimmage kick rule in NFHS states that there are no specific rules as to who is an ineligible receiver (read:jersey number AND location on the LOS), as long as your "QB" is 7 yards deep minimum. This rule is in direct conflict with current NFL rules.

As for the old "reporting as eligible" thing, there is no such monster at the HS level. You cannot report as eligible in HS. The only way around that is: 1. have an eligible number, 2. be in a scrimmage kick formation. You can hand the ball off to an ineligible number (i.e. a lineman in at FB in power I), but he has to get possession of the ball behind the LOS. This would also work for screens as well, I believe. The ineligible number player in an eligible spot cannot catch the ball downfield I don't believe.

So, as you see, the A-11 takes advantage of NFHS rules, and would not fly in the NFL. Regardless its a fun video to watch.

Back to the NFL:

Thank god the Patriots have the easiest schedule in football. WTF. Tom Brady is Satan. Or maybe he's just a host like Gabriel Bryne was in End of Days?


Creepy.

Thank god the Gints won.

I just threw up in my mouth

So is there anything worse than seeing one of your role models being associated with all things evil? This has got to be up there. Thankfully, Eddie isn't sporting a Patriot jersey otherwise I'd probably need to reevaluate my life. Regardless, this is still awful.

I hope this is one of those cases where you just give the celeb some team paraphernalia so he can sport it around the venue. Actually, with that hat on, I am sick. How can Eddie cheer with those cretins!?!?!

Someone get Eddie a Steeler hat stat!


(picture stolen from barstool)

Dear NHL

As one of your loyal fans I know you can be out of touch with us, and even reality at points. And I can live with that, it's just who you are and we all have our faults. But when you put up an article on the main page for everyone to see, PLEASE think about the title before you post it.

Mets game over Yanks Game: A mistake? I report,you decide

I did something tonight that I almost never do. I decided to go to a Mets game instead of stay home and watch my Yankees on TV. Usually, I would prefer staying at home and enjoy the thrill of rooting for my favorite team as opposed to attending a sporting event for which the outcome has ultimately little meaning to me. However, with Johan Santana starting and the co-first place Phillies in town; I figured I would go out to Shea with my dad. Although I found the first 8 innings rather dull, the 9th inning more than made up for it. Billy, "my pussy hurts" Wagner decided he needed a night off to rest his weary arm (I don't recall Mo ever needing a night off due to injury during a pennant race) and he left the closing duties in the "capable" hands of Duaner Sanchez, Pedro Feliciano and Joe Smith. Wow did they suck! 5 runs were allowed by this bumbling triumvirate before a single out had been recorded. The inning was highlighted by a huge bases loaded 2 run double by Soooooooo Taguuchi and another 2 run double by Rollins to plate the 7th and deciding run of the contest. This game though was more interesting to me in terms of the psychology of my fandom.
First of all, what compels a die-hard Yankee fan like myself to go to a Mets game when the Yankees are playing at home on the same night? I guess it comes down tot the fact that the real reason I grew to love sports, like many of you I would guess, is because of the bonding with my dad. I know it sounds cheesy, but I guess I decided I would rather spend time with my dad while watching a game, even if it is at the disgrace of a ballpark in flushing, as opposed to spending it in front of my TV watching the Yanks at home. Simply put, I chose spending time with family over the Yankees; a choice I will always make I think. Secondly, I had not seen Johan pitch this year live and I figured this was the only time I would be willing too do so considering the magnitude of this contest vs Philly. Finally, I was convinced that Ranser would get lit up by the Twinkies and knew I"d be annoyed at myself if I sat at home tonight just to watch that. Although this fear was not realized and the Yanks won 8-2, I stand by my fear of Daryl Rasner getting lit up whenever it arises. Maybe a Yankee fan should never go to Shea when his/her team is playing at the same time in the Bronx, but I think my reasoning is sound and that I am free from criticism as such. But fellow die-hard sports fans; you decide.
I know that nobody really gives a crap what team I was pulling for or what my experience was like at this game as a Yankees fan. However, a few thoughts. Firstly, Phillies fans are unbelievably obnoxious. More than Sox fans or even Cowboy fans, Phillies fans acted like Shea was in fact their stadium. They mockingly clapped their hands in front of Mets players when they returned to the dugout after the conclusion of the top of the 9th and they walked across the entrance to gate D with a 2007 division champions banner (Hey assholes, you might want to be a bit more humble since your city has not crowned a champion since the 1983 Sixers; btw NYC has 10 titles since then, just saying). Furthermore, I found myself rooting for the Mets as soon as the Phillies inched to within 5-3 with 0 outs and the bases full in the 9th. This is normally unfathomable for me, a guy who has no love for the Mets or most of their fans.However, being a fanatical life long Giants fan, I have a true disdain for Philadelphia Eagles fans. They conduct themselves like wretched animals at Giants Stadium and they comported themselves no better at Shea. On the subway, I made sure to walk directly in front of all the Phillies fans just to make sure they saw my Giants t-shirt. Oh and a final note, props to Mets fans for fully filling out your building and being incredibly loud the entire game. I have often found Shea to be pretty listless and empty even for big games but tonight I was impressed. Too bad your awful bullpen choked away a game against the hooligans' from Philly's favorite baseball team.

The Phillies are in Town

The Mets and Phillies are tied for first place in the National League East. By Thursday evening, one of these two teams will be in first by themselves. Seemingly, the momentum is on the Mets' side. In their last 10 games, the Mets have gone 8-2, while Philadelphia has played at 5-5. The Mets had their phenomenal 10 game winning streak broken over the weekend by the Reds when they lost 2 straight to them. Even Sunday's win wasn't very pretty. The team left a ton of runners in scoring position (RIP, RISP) but managed to pull through. The best game of the series was on Thursday night, when the boys scored four runs in the top of the 9th on some clutch hitting to extend their streak. With Jose Reyes not hitting until Sunday, they weren't ignited and did not win. On Sunday, Reyes did break Mookie Wilson's franchise triples record. At 25, Jose already has 63 triples in less than 3000 at bats. If things continue to go as they have been going, Mookie's 62 triples will be a very distant 2nd to Reyes' total for the Mets.
The big series (Jerry Manuel says so) against the Phillies starts tonight and the probables are: Blanton (5-12, 4.96) v. Santana (8-7, 3.10) tonight, Myers (3-9, 5.84) v. Maine (8-7, 4.22) tomorrow night and Moyer (9-6, 3.90) v. Perez (6-6, 4.36) on Thursday afternoon. It is about time the Mets got a run or two on Blanton, who has pitched 15 shutout innings against them. Hopefully the Santana that pitched on Thursday night won't show up tonight because that one awful inning, when the Phillies hit for the cycle plus an extra home run against him, could have cost them the game. Santana typically does better on normal rest, as opposed to extra rest, which he had from the All-Star Break before Thursday's game. Odds are that the Mets will break through tonight against Blanton. I'm sure the team would love to welcome him to the National League with a loss. Besides, the Mets owe Santana for his last start against the Phillies on the 4th of July, when he got a No Decision, giving up only 2 runs on 6 hits in 8 innings. That was no way to celebrate the birthday of our country. Wednesday night's match-up is intriguing because Myers is making his first appearance in the Majors after being sent back down to the Minors (ala Steve Trachsel after giving up 4 home runs in 1 inning). Hopefully, coming back to Shea will shake his confidence a bit, because Maine has not been the same cool, calm and collected pitcher that we saw in the beginning of the season. Wild Ollie Perez will go against thorn-in-my-side Jamie Moyer on Thursday and I just feel like Moyer is pesky enough to win this one.
I won't be making a prediction for the series because I feel like I'm jinxing the team whenever I do. Fingers crossed that first place will belong to New York by Thursday evening.
BTW
That t-shirt up there is from , which is a charity website started by the Mets announcers. Check it out.
~MissMet

SUS is on vacation...apparently

Apparently we at SUS are on a collective vacation. I was fooled, but 3 articles in a week tend to speak for themselves. When will it end? Who's to say.

Though if I were a betting man, I'd guess:

Mahatma apparently came back today.

MissMet will return for her weekly Wednesday column.

White Boy will return whenever his chaotic schedule of attending Yankee games allows him time off.

BH will return once he (a) makes up a fictional story about his time in Vegas and (b) has internet access with which mark it down.

Yinzer and SHMUCK will be back when football season begins.

Oh, and I'll return for early August and then more completely around August 18. But a quick note on Shockey, which I plan to discuss more in the upcoming weeks. I'm still unsure as to how I feel about Shockey demanding to be traded off of a Super Bowl Champion. It's definitely one of the following:

1. The Paulie Walnutsesque "If he were on fire, I wouldn't piss on him to put it out."
or
2. The Fredo Corleone "You're nothing to me now. You're not a friend, not a brother."

But it's definitely one of the two. Stay tuned, SUS nation, for who knows when someone will return from vacation early?

Buzz Bissinger gets his ass kicked by SecurityGuards.blogspot.com

Hilarious article out of the NYT this past weekend.

Buzz "I love bloggers" Bissinger, famous for writing Friday Night Lights and also this lovely panel discussion, decided to take his sons to a college baseball game, the last "pure" game of baseball left in civilization apparently.

The piece starts with Buzz being a bitter old dinosaur ranting about how baseball sucks now, life is better in the 1960s -- all the typical drivel you would here from some yinzer who is too busy spewing "the problem with your generation" type crap. Anyway, Buzz is entirely in heaven initially just enjoying himself and the atmosphere and than he gets blindsided.

Hi jinx ensue:

Roughly half a dozen security officials tackled me and threw me face first into the concrete, causing an ugly gash on my leg and a silver dollar-sized bruise on my arm. My glasses broke. One put me in a chokehold while another handcuffed me, all of it occurring in front of my three sons. They were traumatized. I was traumatized. Over a camera. At a sporting event, a college sporting event that likes to think of itself as the ultimate family affair.

I was told I was permanently banned from Rosenblatt. I was threatened with arrest. The gash in my leg was bleeding, a matter of concern because I am on the blood thinner coumadin (the result of recent five-hour reconstructive surgery for a clot in my leg) and one of the side effects of the drug can be unchecked bleeding.

HA! If this was anyone else, I'd feel bad for them but not Buzz.

I'm sure it was all that bad until Buzz decided to go all Incredible Hulk as he does. Buzz has a problem with rage-a-hol and he needs to enter a program.

The best part of the article is that it sort of sounds like that he deserved it.

Ah well, score another one for the good guys!

Dear Mr. Met,

Today I went on a job interview, and at the end of the interview, I was asked to write a letter. This could be any kind of letter and to anyone, to prove that I know how to use Microsoft Word and to write. As soon as she told me about this task, I knew that I was going to write a letter to Mr. Met. So, here is what I wrote to him this morning:

Dear Mr. Met,

I would like to take this time to congratulate you and the Mets on the current ten game winning streak. You have all been performing so well throughout. I am very impressed and I think that you deserve a lot of the credit. You take the time to be the best mascot that you can be by using that big head and puffy hands of yours to help root, root, root for the home team. Without you, I am not sure if this would have been able to happen.

I just want to remind you that this recent surge and now tie for first place does not mean the season will be a cake walk from now on. There is still a lot of work to be done, so I don't want you to get overconfident and ruin the team's chances. The season is marathon not a sprint, so please pace yourself.

Thank you for all you have done so far,



MissMet, Ardent Fan

Why Hockey is Boring

With all due respect to my editor, assistant to the editor and Yintzer, Hockey is boring. In Baseball, a base-hit greatly increases the chances a run will score. A different count be it 1-2 vs 3-1 greatly changes the probability that a batter will reach base. Runners being on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out makes the at bat much more exciting than it would be if this same at bat took place with 2 outs and nobody on even if you are in the first inning. Plus, it clearly passes Devo's piss-test. (if you miss 1 pitch because you are pissing, you very well could miss a 2 out three run hr in the top of the 1st which changes the course of the game). Great pitchers sometimes are owned by mediocre hitters (See Joe Mc-ewing vs. Randy Johnson pre-Yanks) and sometimes mediocre pitchers own great lineups (See Oliver Perez vs. New York Yankees of 2007). This stuff is fascinating if you love numbers, stats and you have played the game most of your life. Oh, it does help when your favorite team made the playoffs every year you have rooted for it (this year that ends). However, this post is not a referendum on baseball but rather a criticism of hockey and why it is unwatchable to most of Americans.

(1) There is no clear progress or demarcations towards points being scored- In football there are first downs, in basketball there are baskets every few seconds and in baseball there are walks, basehits, hbp's ext. In hockey, the only thing that approximates this is a power-play or penalty shot. I admit, these are exciting situations. However, 5 on 5 regular season hockey puts me to sleep. Much like Yintzer thinks that baseball is nothing more than pitch, pitch, walk, walk, hit, strikeout. Hockey, to the average american sports fan, is just sending the puck down the ice, chase the puck, line change, send the puck down the ice, a check against the boards, line change zzzzzzzz. Sorry I'm back.

(2) It is a very expensive and difficult game to learn and play- All you need to play basketball is a ball and any playground in America. Baseball requires buying a glove and bat but finding a field is relatively easy. Football follows along the same lines as Baseball. Hockey however is insanely difficult to play. You have to learn how to skate (which is damn near impossible for those of us who have horrendous balance), you need to reserve ice time, (which, as my friends who play it tell me; needs to be done at 5am or late at night) and then you have to buy a stick and join obscure leagues that most towns don't even offer. Many schools don't even have teams. No such trouble for the Big 3. This obviously makes it hard to enjoy watching for the majority of Americans who have never played the sport (ice hockey specifically) even 1 time.

(3) Tie Games or half tie games in sports are immoral- I'm sorry this is obscene. No sporting contest should ever end in a tie or a cop-out of the losing team getting 1 point as is the case in the post Lock-out NHL when a team loses in OT or a shootout. Every sporting event should have a clear loser and winner. The victor should indeed get all the spoils. If the NFL actually had tie games more than once every three years, I'd be as passionately anti-tie in the NFL too. There is something unnatural about leaving a sporting event where your team loses and you say "that's cool, at least we got a point." Imagine if in baseball a team got half a win for extending a game to extra innings. That would ruin the thrill of a walk-off hr in extra frames. To me this ruins regular season hockey games.

A HUUGE CAVEAT TO ALL OF THIS IS HOWEVER, THAT PLAYOFF OVERTIME GAMES ARE THE MOST THRILLING EVENTS IN SPORTS! The idea that at any moment a team can win or lose a game and that this game could end a team's season is captivating. However, this excitement is lost in regular season games where an artificial shootout gives one team a full win and 1 team a half of a win. I know this article will be hated on by my hockey loving co writers and friends but I still express the sentiment of the overwhelming majority of Americans. Regular season hockey is really boring. So is NASCARR and golf, by the way, which I know actually puts me at odds with many of my fellow hockey detractors. But I need not take up any space on this primarily Northeastern Blog with NASCAR stuff.

Why I Hate Baseball

So since this is a New York site primarily, there is quite a bit of talk about the Yankees and the Mets. The truth is though when I read those articles, I really have no idea what they’re talking about because frankly to me baseball is one of the most boring things ever. It’s the daytime soap opera of the sports world (and no, I don’t count curling, that’s an insult to sports) and just fails to capture my interest on every level. Now I know a lot more people watch baseball than my sport of choice hockey, but I don’t care and feel free to make fun of hockey, you wont say anything I haven't heard a hundred times over. So here are the reasons why I hate baseball.


It’s boring as all hell
This is of course the primary reason we as humans don’t watch things. I played baseball when I was a kid and watched it back then too, but then as I grew up I realized “Jesus, nothing is actually happening.” I mean they stand there, pitch, pitch, foul ball, pitch, strikeout, pitch, pitch, pitch, walk… you get the point by now. So when someone actually hits the damn ball people get excited. Why? Because it meant something finally fucking happened that’s why! Honestly, just sit and think about a hit for a moment. A guy standing still just hit a ball. Is that really an exciting thing?


You can be an out of shape fat ass and still be one of the best players in the league
You’re probably saying “football is filled with fat asses!” and yes, that is true. However, that 350lb fat ass can also run you down and break in you half. The baseball fatties? They’re just plain fat, like some middle age drunk that stumbled out of the bar. You see pitchers with these huge guts that even their uniforms cant hide, and wonder how when they pitch their stomach doesn’t make them fall over. Look at the Red $ox David Ortiz a.k.a. Big Fatty. Huge gut hanging out yet heralded as one of the best in the game. This guy cant even run around the bases for god’s sake, it’s like watching an out of breath hippo drag itself along. And if the base coaches want to get him to move faster they are forced to wave twinkies to motivate him to do so. Really, it’s embarrassing.


The designated hitter rule: legal cheating
I distinctly remember one time in little league where my team caught the other cheating. What were they doing? Having one kid pitch and another kid hit in his place because each was better at that those respective duties (for the record instead of making them forfeit we continued the game to show we could still outright beat them which we did). It was forbidden by the rules. Yet somehow this basic rule was cast aside and now instead of making a pitcher hit you can put in someone else. I’m sorry, but that’s not playing the game. Ortiz (sorry, as I don’t watch baseball I don’t really know anyone else)? He doesn’t play baseball. He hits. In order to play baseball he needs to take the field. Of course if they put him out there he’d probably just start grazing but I digress. What if hockey could just throw a third defenseman on the ice? Or a football team an extra receiver? That’s pretty much what you’re doing with baseball.




Things you can do during a baseball game while not actually missing anything:
Read War and Peace
Take a crap and read the paper
Be the thirtieth person in line at the concession stand and make it back to your seat
Have a quickie
Watch the entire North-South mini series
Recover from ACL surgery
Be kidnapped by aliens
Run a marathon

Just some ideas for you.


Economic System? What’s that?
Most sports now have a cap to keep spending out of control, or at least limit the amount of stupid contracts one team can give out. Baseball though only has some pathetic luxury tax that has proven to do absolutely nothing. Now things are to the point where mediocre players get $5mm a year. It’s kind of sad when you think about it.


Pansies
That’s how I see a lot of these players. Not that they don’t have a few bad asses, but when you’re a hockey fan or football fan you know the only way a player is not going back onto that ice/field is if you snap a limb in half or cause severe head trauma. Hell, one of the Penguins player had a broken nose, then took a slap shot to the face that made the remainder of his nose pretty much explode. Ten minutes later after some quick repair he was back on the ice. Don’t really see much of that in baseball.



And did I mention nothing freakin happens during the games?

Suge Knight-McKenzie

I really can't stand airport security or airports in general. Not only did they make me take my sandals off (come on, seriously) but they also threw out all my shampoo because they weren't the mini bottles. I looked at the guy and I said "Jesus Christ look at me dude, I need every drop of that body wash." Now I don't fly very often so this is news to me but man was I pissed, $40 worth of products going in the garbage or probably that guys home.

So you can understand my frustration at this point. And let's not forget that it was 5am and I'm on like 2 hours of sleep, I was flat out pissed. So I go and look at ridiculously overpriced digital cameras around our terminal and on the other side I hear a guy complaining. I look up and it's Robert Kelly arguing with the guy behind the counter with Jim Norton standing behind him watching. Holy SHIT! It's Rich from Lucky Louie and that doochebag who broke his knee on that Fagasm show! (also Opie and Anthony regulars) Stupid me should have bought that expensive ass camera right there and took a picture with them. But I did shake their hands and greet them. They were nice people.

So wow, the last time I saw a celebrity was 12 years ago with Devo and a friend coming back from a LIVE concert in the city. (We were at a McDonalds and waiting in line behind us was Rebecca Lobo. Props to Devo, he was the only one to say anything to her, "You're Rebecca Lobo. You were on the daily show." She replies, "Yea like 3 years ago." Devin says "Heh, yea, cool." And that was it. It was hilarious (probably to just the 3 of us)). Not really a good stat sheet in regards to celeb status but whatever.

On my plane coming home from the Bahamas it became a guessing game on what celebrities were on the plane. My first thought was..."OH SHIT!" Suge Knight is on our plane! But I noticed he wasn't in handcuffs or wearing any conspicuous jewelry (or holding guns for that matter). My brother (die hard Giant fan) thought it was Kareem McKenzie but second guessed himself when he noticed no Superbowl ring. But who would wear a $25,000 ring out in public like that especially when you're in the Bahamas and could lose it quite easily. (Suge Knight would.) So my brother and I boarded the plane. Not only did we now think it was McKenzie but the gentlemen sitting in front of him looked just like Romeo Crennel. The whole time we're thinking why the hell are these guys in the Bahamas and not getting ready for training camp and the preseason? To make a long story short, sure enough, it was both Crennel and McKenzie. We shook hands with the coach and posed for pictures with McKenzie while getting our luggage. But don't worry, I had a Jets chant going soon enough before we all departed. Great way to end an awesome vacation

FANTASY BREAKDOWN (Running Backs)

1. LADANIAN TOMLINSON – It took Norv Turner midway thru last season to realize that when you give LT the ball, you tend to win games. His numbers took a dip from his record setting season in 2006 but he’s a sure thing for 1800 total yds and at least 18TD’s each season.

2. BRIAN WESTBROOK – He is to Donovan McNabb as Kobe is to white bitches. As long as he can stay healthy (and surprisingly for the last 2 seasons) he is a top 3 fantasy running back.

3. JOSEPH ADDAI – Was hurt for a couple of games during last season but did manage to put up 15 TDs. He practically died out the last 4 games of the season but he’s still a top fantasy running back especially running behind that offensive line.

4. STEVEN JACKSON – He’s been my keeper the last 2 years and was a big part of my success in 2006. Last seasons injury hurt my team bad and Brian Leonard just wasn’t cutting it. With Pace back from injury at left tackle Jackson will have plenty more holes to run through this year.

5. MARION BARBER – It’s now his show in Big D. He’ll split carries with Felix Jones but he’s still the goaline back.


Now I know you’re asking, “Where the hell is Adrian Peterson?” and my answer is; step into my office, because you’re still fucking fired! Here are my safeties and doorknobs:

SAFETIES

FRANK GORE – With Martz calling the plays look to see Gore get a lot more of the ball, considering the 49er’s have no wide receivers.

MARSHAWN LYNCH – So now the bills want to include him in the passing game? Now you’re thinking

ADRIAN PETERSON – He’s definitely going to see his load increase this season but can he stay healthy for 16 games? Make sure you draft Chester Taylor in later rounds if AP goes down again because he’ll surely take carries away from him.

CLINTON PORTIS – He’s got some problems holding onto the ball but was a workhorse for the skins last season. Hopefully the help in the passing game can take some pressure off him and the defenses putting 8 in the box.

RYAN GRANT – Probably the best FA pickup on anyone’s team last season. He’ll get the full load this year and as long as he stays healthy he’s a solid pick.

EDGERRIN JAMES – He gets a lot of carries which is good and he manages to stay healthy. I’m positive Whisenhunt will get his shit together and that running game will be a lot better this season.

FRED TAYLOR/MJD – All good things come in pairs. But I stay away from these guys for a reason because you never know whose going to get the ball when you need it. Taylor is the bigger back so expect more carries inside the 5 for him.

BRANDON JACOBS – Slowed by injuries last season and he still had solid numbers. For the big powerful back that he is I’d like to see more TDs come his way and I believe they will. He’ll most definitely double his total from last season (as long as he can stay healthy)

DOORKNOBS

RUDI JOHNSON – He’s falling out of favor with the Bengals. Looks like Kenny Watson might be #1 on the depth chart if Rudi’s injuries and lack of play continue. Stay away from this guy.

TRAVIS HENRY – Is he even signed? I think he’s still a FA. Even so I doubt he’d start anywhere next season, he’d most likely be a backup.

JULIUS JONES – He couldn’t cut it in Dallas and I doubt he’ll do much better in Seattle. Maurice Morris would probably get the goaline calls as well.

RONNIE BROWN – Be careful when you draft him, he’s coming off a leg injury and he might not be back to form right away. I’d take any of the safeties over him if they are still available when you need a back

JUSTIN FARGAS – It might be his show as of now but not for long. McFadden could be the Adrian Peterson of last year so watch out.

LENDALE WHITE – He had a solid season last year but the Titans drafted Chris Johnson with their 1st round pick. Look for his carries to decrease.

DESHAUN FOSTER – Carolina could never get the running game going since Stephen Davis retired. I would stay away from any Carolina back

Things Are Going...Well!?

The Mets just swept a 3 game series from the lowly Giants, right after taking 3 of 4 from the Division-leading Phillies. Did I mention that all six of those wins have come...in a row?! This is truly amazing to me, as the whole team has finally started performing well at the same time. The starting pitching from Perez, Santana and Pelfrey has been stellar. The bullpen has picked each other up after mistakes (cough, Billy Wagner, cough). With Ryan Church on the DL again and Moises Alou maybe not coming back at all, the bench (Chavez, Anderson and TATIS) has been spectacular. Met pitching allowed nine hits over the three games with San Francisco, shutting them out twice. Meanwhile, the team is finally (!) getting two-out hits with runners in scoring position. The team is also scoring a lot of runs and not letting late inning rallies by opposing teams get them down. The last two games of the Phillies series were definitely the most interesting, but the team did not give up, as they might have a month ago. With an 8-2 record in July, I'd have to say that I'm pretty happy...
...which basically means that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will the Rockies come in and sweep? Will the All-Star break take this overdue momentum away from the team? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but the good news is that the Mets are in this race past the midpoint of the season, and after their rocky start, I can't ask for much more.
BTW
David Wright did not make the All-Star team, but he was one of five players in National League's Final Vote, which the fans get to decide. I think I voted for him about 20 times. The voting just ended, so hopefully he made the team. I don't necessarily think the game is that important (even though it counts now, blah blah), but certain players should get the recognition they deserve.
Later!
~MissMet

Do's and Dont's of Karaoke

Mahatma, White Boy and I went karaokeing recently along with some other friends of mine. It was their second time that week (and it was only Friday) but it was the first time that I had gone in a few years. While there, I quickly learned what to do and what not to do when doing your best Bill Murray Lost In Translation imitation.

To start off, there are 4 types of people in this world.

1) Those who are simply fantastic singers.
2) Those who are adequate singers.
3) Those who aren't good but either think they're good or still try to sound good regardless.
4) Those who aren't good singers, know they're not good singers, and purposefully try to sound like nothing other than the next William Hung.

If you're (1), more power to you. You're a chosen person. (Not a chosen person like White Boy, Yinzer, MissMet, myself or SHMUCK, but I digress.) You have a gift, and it's fantastic to hear you perform in a karaoke bar. But if you're (2) or (3), a word of advice: STOP TRYING TO SOUND GOOD. YOU'RE IN A GODDAMN KARAOKE BAR! DAVID GEFFEN IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR. NEITHER IS SUGE KNIGHT. (Though that might be a good thing as far as Suge is concerned.) So to make a loud and long story short, stop trying to sound good. Hate to break it to you, but you're not. You're in a loud karaoke bar, trying to do your best imitation of a drunk Japanese businessman. Not only don't you sound good, but no one is impressed that you're trying to sound good. So stop.

A few more do's and don'ts:

Don't: Do rock songs with cool riffs.
Unless you want to hear the Sweet Emotion riff on a synthesizer.

Do: Sing in front of strange, drunk, people
This is becoming a conflict amongst my friends and I. Should you do karaoke in a small room with friends or should you perform in a big crowd full of strangers? I'm in the big crowd group, but apparently most of my people are in the small crowd. On the one hand, with the small rooms, you get to sing in front of your friends, and you get more chances to sing. But on the other hand, what's karaoke if you're not singing in front of a group of strangers? And don't discount the fact that the small rooms are replicas of private rooms at a strip club.

Do: Sing with someone who is less coordinated than you.
Because when you're jumping around to Chumbawumba, not looking as cool as you feel, it's comforting to know that the other dude looks worse.

Don't sing by yourself unless you can get the crowd into it.
This reminds me of when I saw a Taiwanese dude sitting at a table all by himself singing some Chinese song with nothing but 12 empties to keep him company. And sorry to say, but it also reminds me of SUS's own White Boy singing Enter Sandman.

Don't do slow songs.
Unless you're guy (4). In that case you should sing "The Reason," by Hoobastank. Sing it loud, and sing it proud.

Tuesday Night Bullshitting w/ Mahatma

First some random tv bits.

I've watched the new Call Girl show on Showtime and i'm liking it. The story follows a call girl based off of this blog which got tons of hype from everyone and their mothers. I think i heard about it on Gawker. It's not on the level of Dexter yet but still better than all the uh reruns on tv?



Speaking of Showtime, Weeds is okay for me so far. Nothing approaching season two's creamy level of goodness but still it's going.



Batman is looking nasty. The hype this movie is getting is disgusting as opening night is already sold out in places. Here's a trailer for you and yes I'm psyched for Heath Ledger's performance.




On the other side of the coin, there is Tila Tequila. Please just go away. Apparently, she got served by some chick on her show. Hell yes!


I need to watch tv again so send me some suggestions


Sports stuff

The Winter Classic might be going to Chicago next year for Blackhawks/Redwings at Wrigley. The thought of seeing a hockey game at Wrigley would be dope but if the NHL is all about profit and money etc wouldn't it make more sense to have it at a football stadium with more suites, seats and sight lines?Ah well, I guess the Boston Bruin/ NY Rag game @ Yawnk off Stadium isn't going to happen. BOOO!

Let's hear from Sean Avery who apparently now plays for the Dallas Stars.


Thanks Sean. Hopefully you can continue to intern at Vogue: Dallas.

Rags also lost Jaromir Jagr who knows goes to Russia. More on that later as sadly it might be the last time we see him in the NHL.

Wimbledon 2008 final was probably the best match ever according to some. I wish i saw it...

Olympics are just around the corner but I got to say the Olympics were way better as a kid. First off, we had no school/work to worry about and we could follow all our favorite athletes all the time. Anyway, its better than nothing.


Brett Favre ponders comeback. Lord knows we truly need him being discussed again for 20+ minutes on ESPN. I guess you do have to find a way to get Mark Schlereth off the streets.



Apparently, Ron Mexico is in trouble again. Douchebag.


In other news, 14 year old boy masturbates excessively.


Finally, I can't wait to be a parent for times like these:

Hello therapy.

Olive Perez: Exposed!!!! okay maybe just kind of figured out

I have an unhealthy obsession for or rather a frustrating pre-occupation with Oliver Perez. Any pitcher who has a 4.62 era this season yet has an amazing 1.84 era against my favorite team will make me a little nuts. Couple this with the fact that this pitcher is on the Mets, a team who I have no love for, and you have the perfect recipe for making me infuriated by an athlete. So since I am kind of bored and waiting for summer baby-sitting and mentoring gigs to commence until school starts, I thought I'd explore why Oliver Perez kills my team and what this may mean about him in general.

1). He is great against strong offenses who also happen to be rivals- In addition to his paltry 1.84 era against my Yanks this season and 1.20 era against the Yanks in 2007, he has been dominant this year against the rival Phillies going 1-0 with a perfect 0.00 era in three starts. This should have been 2-0 if not for Billy "Chokejob" Wagner coughing up a 2 strike 2 out bomb to Jason Werth yesterday.His dominant performances, particularly this season, against the two powerful lineups of Philly and New York AL, belie his overall 4.62 era. This tells me that Oliver Perez is like a child with ADHD. He has a very high threshold for excitement perhaps an exceedingly high threshold. In other words, he needs to be in big time games that have lots of scrutiny, excitement and energy around them. Only in this high intensity environment will Oliver have the motivation to succeed. Some might say his salary should be enough motivation and I do not disagree, still its noteworthy that his greatest successes this season have come against the two teams Mets fans most want to beat.

2) He is much much better against lefty hitters- Oliver has compiled an impressive .291 On-base percentage against this year against Lefty hitters. This is far superior to his .368 On-base percentage allowed to righty bats. In addition, his 3.96 era vs lefty batters is solid where as his 4.85 era vs righties is well below the league average. This is somewhat expected given that he is of course a lefty hurler himself but it further explains why he dominates the lefty heavy Yankees offense and a Phillies offense that is very much reliant upon the power of lefty batters Ryan Howard and Chase Utley. He throws a wicked slider which has consistently fooled the likes of Howard and Giambi in his 5 total starts against the Yanks and Phils.

What does this mean?- This means that Oliver Perez is just one of those guys that is a big stage pitcher but not a money pitcher. These two things are not necessarily identical. A money pitcher wins a game whenever his team really needs it. Whether or not this game is in September against a bad 2007 Marlins team or a game 7 in 2006 against the Cardinals. A money pitcher like Curt Schilling or John Smoltz would dominate in both situations. Oliver Perez only dominated in the latter spot and got had in the former. Oliver Perez needs a full ballpark with an exciting crowd, hoards of media and spotlights from all over the country or at least the NY area shining upon him to be at his best. This is why he is a big-state pitcher but not a money pitcher. So if you are the Mets, make sure every game Perez pitches is sold out, loud and has lots of extra media around; if you do this Oliver might become a perennial 18-20 game winner instead of a 13-15 win guy like he is now. He has that kind of stuff. If the Mets organization does not help Oliver in the aforementioned ways (and I don't see why Met fans wouldn't come on a soggy Wednesday night against the juggernaut Mariners) then perhaps the Yanks can take a flyer on him this off-season. Every Yankee game is sold out and the crowd is always pretty raucous. Hmmmm.......

The Anorexic Nigerian Does it!

The Anorexic Nigerian moves his weight/batting average up to .143! But seriously, who didn't see Brett Gardner taking down one of the two most unhittable pitchers in baseball?

Yanks/Sox Diary: I Really Don't Like Derek Jeter

Let’s be honest: there’s a 59% chance that the Yankee season is done. They may make a run, they may not. But either way, I’m excited for tonight, as Joba makes his first start against the enemy. I’m absolutely not guaranteeing that I’m going to keep a diary of the entire game. But I will promise to maintain a diary until I grow bored.

8:01 Oh, good, a recap of the Yanks/Sox rivalry. Haven’t seen this before. If I were an ESPN production assistant, I definitely would have tried to sneak in a quick ½ second clip of “The Catch.”

8:10 1 up. 1 out. When Joba throws a perfect game, just remember I called it first.

8:12 2 up. 2 ground outs to A-Rod. And A-Rod now has two consecutive putouts since his wife publicly announced that she would be filing for divorce.

8:13 J.D. Drew, Boston Red Sox, All Star. My, what a difference a grand slam against Cleveland makes. For both teams.

8:15 1 walk, 3 ground outs to A-Rod. Joba looks good. Joba looks real good. No-hitter still in effect.

8:17 I’m not saying that the Yankees miss Johnny Damon in the leadoff spot (or for that matter, that Joe Girardi can’t manage) but if our leadoff hitter were hitting his weight, even Africans would be calling him anorexic.

8:18 And Brett “the Nigerian Anorexic” Gardner just lost 4 points/lbs off his batting average.

8:19 A silver lining to Gardner: if he can’t get on, that means Jeter can’t hit into a double play. In this instance, it means that Jeter’s free to fly out to Manny. In related news, Jeter’s around .280, Cano is around .250, and White Boy made a bet with me that Cano will have a higher batting average than Jeter by August 1. The worst part about this trade? I now have to root for Jeter. It’s fun to root against Jeter in this town. He has Michael Young’s stats and Joe Namath’s fairly-overrated legacy. Trust me on that.

8:27 Youk single. Maybe we’ll get a no hitter on Tuesday from Ponson.

8:28 Sean Casey up. In related news, Sean Casey-still playing baseball.

8:29 “What a play by Jeter,” says John Miller. I agree; Jeter almost had to range to his left or right and then make a throw ON THE FLY from the shortstop position to Giambi. BEST. SHORTSTOP. EVER. Onto the bottom of the 2^nd.

8:32 Home Run. A-Rod. If he keeps this up, Yankee fans are going to have to ask Cindy to send him divorce papers every week. In related news, different trajectory, but landed almost in the exact same spot as the Aaron Boone hr in 2003.

8:36 Giambi flew out. And more importantly, they got through an at-bat without showing the random porn-staches throughout the stadium. Praise allah.

8:36 “What’s great about Mantle’s plaque, is it says ‘great teammate.’ That’s all you need to know about him.”-Joe Morgan. Cut the crap, Joe. Isn’t that just synonymous for “Got all the endorsements, paid everyone’s bar tab?”

8:43 Joba- 1-2-3 in the 3^rd. *yawn*

8:47 Melky strikes out. So I’m on record as saying that when you have 8 damn good hitters in the Yankees lineup, you can live with Melky being lousy. That said, when you have Molina catching and the Anorexic Nigerian leading off, you need Melky to not suck.

8:49 I’m an idiot. Manny isn’t playing and it took me until the 4^th inning to realize it. So much for playing against the best the AL has to offer. No Manny, no Papi, but new Masshole-favorite J.D. Drew is in the line up at least. Eh. In other news, the Anorexic Nigerian is now down to .056.

8:55 Jeter, making the shortstop equivalent of Mays’ catch against the Indians, ranges to his left, throws to first (and had to re-grip the ball according to Joe Morgan!) and gets Pedroia out. Who knows where the ’08 Yankees would be without Jeter. (10 games above .500?)

9:02 Wow. Dioner Navarro made the all star team. I’m not saying he was doing bad for a long time, but he was so bad that the Yankees were actually considered the winners in the Randy Johnson trade.

9:09 Uh oh. Runners on 1^st and 3^rd for the Sox, no one out. And Mariano Rivera is not walking through that door for a few innings. And even worse, we don’t look like we’re scoring more than 2-3 runs tonight.

9:13 Wild pitch. Tied score. Nice of Youk to slide into home with spikes up. Throw at his head next time, Joba! (Note: On replay, it wasn’t as bad, but it’d still be fun to see Joba throw at someone)

9:26 Bitch ass single by Dustin Pedroia. 3-1 Sox. It shouldn’t be enough to beat the Yankees, but anyone who has seen this version of the Yankees knows that it probably will be.

9:40 Haven’t been paying attention. And then Joba threw a pitch behind Youk, scaring him. Atta boy Joba! The Joe Girardi Era: Losing with an attitude!

9:49 Joe Girardi pulling a Pinella/Martin and arguing about a pitch for no reason other than to get thrown out and motivate the team.

9:50 And it worked! The Anorexic Nigerian nearly doubled his average!

9:51 If I could hear Jeter’s thoughts, I bet they’d be something like, “Middle infielders are playing at double play depth, just the way I like it.”

9:52 Gardner pisses off the Captain by stealing 2^nd and breaking up the double play.

9:53 RBI single for Jeter! Always loved ya, Captain!

9:56 Jeter promptly apologizes for not hitting into a double play by getting picked off of 2^nd after Pedroia makes a nice catch. Love this team. If nothing else, they’re horribly consistent.

10:00 Oh good, Joba’s out. And why would we leave our best pitcher in the game? Anyone else starting to think that Girardi isn’t the best manager of all time?

10:03 In Jeter’s defense, he just showed great range getting a ball on the other side of 2^nd base. But more importantly, he Knoblauched the ball into the stands. Lugo on 2^nd.

10:06 Kevin Cash doubles down the line. 4-2 Red Sox, in what I like to think of as “The Lead that Girardi and Jeter Built” Seriously, Joba couldn’t have done this too?

10:08 Jeter throws out Ellsbury. And Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best,” pumps out of the loudspeaker.

10:11 So apparently because this game is on ESPN, we’re not “treated” to God Bless America and a moment of silent prayer. *tear*

10:23 Down 2, 1^st and 3^rd, 1 out. Cano up. No way he doesn’t strikeout or hit into a double play.

10:24 And as I say that Cano triples. Oops. My bad. 4-4! Tied up! (I’d like to point out that we’d be winning if not for Jeter’s screwups. Just sayin.)

10:32 And like many a Yankee/Sox game before it, this game’s going to be decided by the bullpens. In related news, I still don’t like the Yankees’ chances at all.

10:36 Time for Farnsworth to do what we all know he is capable of, but is yet to show the Yankees this year: his ability to singlehandedly lose a big game for the Yanks.

10:58 Mo in to try and get the win in the 9^th. Hopefully yesterday was an aberration. Not looking good so far, Moss on 2^nd with 1 out.

11:01 Manny up. 2 outs, runner on 3^rd. If Mo pitches to him, I’m calling a bloop single.

11:04 Nice of Manny to show up. For what it’s worth, I could’ve had as productive an at bat as Manny, watching 3 strikes go by.

11:20 Nice and easy 10^th for Mo. I’m going to stay up and watch the rest of this game, but the diary is going to have to come to an end, but before we say goodbye to the diary, let us review what we learned:

-I do not like Derek Jeter. Or as he should be known from here on out, Michael Young Namath. (Or MYN for short.)
-I don’t think Girardi is a great manager. But I’m willing to overlook this for the sake of seeing our pitchers throw at opposing hitters and because it’s fun watching Girardi lose his temper.

Our Bad of the Week

"Having an "auto-replace" filter seemed like a good notion at the time to folks at the conservative American Family Association's OneNewsNow.com Web site. There were certain words that would pop up from time to time in the Associated Press stories that moved onto the site that were a bit salacious, or unacceptable to post.

"We don't have the staff to monitor all the Hollywood stories," news director Fred Jackson said yesterday, "so we wanted an automated function." He said they put up the filter about a month or so ago.

One word they wanted to filter was "gay." The site felt that the term put the matter of homosexuality "in a positive light," Jackson said, when the evangelical Christian organization was much opposed. So when a wire story referred to gay marriage, for example, the phrase would automatically appear as "homosexual marriage."

Worked fine until Sunday, when the AP reported that "Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials." The story was headlined "Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials."

Full article here