Can Your Superstar Do This?

My Cleveland bias aside- his superhuman abilities never cease to amaze me!

TO actually does things for other people?

But fighting the disease is personal for Owens. His grandmother has Alzheimer's, and for over a decade, the Buffalo Bills' wide receiver has been using his notoriety to raise awareness about it. On Wednesday night, he will be honored as recipient of the National Alzheimer's Association Young Champions Award at the National Building Museum in Washington.

In a recent interview, Owens said he was honored to be included on the list of notable people who are "dedicated to increasing awareness" about Alzheimer's. And for those who "come into a situation where they are dealing with it," Owens said he wants "to help them cope with the problem and be more aware of the signs and how to deal with it. ... Whatever I can do to advance that."

It's nice to actually see a good story about the guy come out every now and than. The whole year all we hear about the guy is how much of an ego maniac, cancer, douchebag, and he is but hell even TO cares about something else..well sometimes. While TO is probably still on this site's axis of evil at least he is doing something productive with his time and money outside of doing sit ups and destroying locker rooms.

Of course he later finishes up the interview with the whole: "It doesn't matter what uniform I put on, I'm gonna do what I do, score touchdowns." Whew I was getting scared for a second.

Hockey in 2050

Hockey 2050 @ Yahoo! Video

Let's hope that people will still be watching by than! Anyway, this is pretty long but cool.

Video from Puck Daddy!

Cooking with Evgeni Malkin

Wow so many things to say with this one. So little time. Who says Malkin isn't marketable? And why the hell can't I find any pirogis in this town?

Btw, the chick is Igor Larionov's daughter. Yea the douchebag from the Red Wings, Devils. Lame. But I'm sure he'd be cool with Geno being a son in law. You better believe Malkin put that biscuit in the basket...

Anyway, the NHL needs more of this. Malkin can barely say 50 words in english and this turned out entertaining in a Balki Bartokomus sort of way. I guess I got to question why aren't there more of these out there?

MARKET YOUR PLAYERS NHL!

Devo gets you through hump day...

So a few quasi-interesting things happened today. Nothing worthy of their own blog, but let's talk about 'em anyways.

1.The Daily News is saying that the Nets' move to Brooklyn is dead. And I'm going to agree with them, because as Confucius once said, "When the main architect working on the project lays of all of his workers from said project, project probably doesn't get built."

But give the Nets credit: they didn't take this lying down. Nets CEO, Brett Yeomark, when asked by Evan and Joe whether the Brooklyn Arena would happen, said "Yes."

There you have it folks! The Nets WILL play in Brooklyn in '11/'12, because Brett Yeomark said so. Yeomark continued to build credibility with Evan and Joe by saying, "People from Brooklyn have been buying tickets to Nets games to check out the team that they will be inheriting in a few years. And not only is the Loch Ness Monster real, but he owes me about $3.50."

So yeah, the Nets could end up in Brooklyn...or they could move to a brand new arena that's already built in downtown Newark, a town that's probably home to a basketball fan or two. But hey, if they moved to Newark, who or what is going to displace all of the Brooklyn naval yard locals?

2. Apparently John Madden and Brian Gionta are free agents after this season. Two tough decisions to make on two fan favorites if they both want big money. (Gionta made $4 million, Madden slightly under $3 million last year.) On the one hand, Madden, as a top defensive forward, is probably more valuable than Gionta, a 2nd line scorer whose goal totals have dropped each year since Judas Gomez centered his line. Based on that, if either one of them asks for a raise (not necessarily a guarantee given) Lou should give in to Madden but not Gionta. That said, Madden is going to be 36 in May. (Is it just me or should he be closer to 32?) And Gionta is going to be 30. The ideal situation would be to sign Madden to one last 2 yr/6 mil contract and sign Gionta to a 3 year deal worth between $10 and $12 million. Possibly throw on a fourth year due to the shame he must feel knowing that BU will have won the '09 NCAA Hockey Tourney.

3. Congress, having nothing else on its plate, is going to investigate the BCS. I'll let the absurdity of this idea speak for itself. My only thought is, "What's Coach K's take on this form of federal intervention into collegiate athletics?"

4. Roger Goodell, after getting his daily dose of Mahatma, injects some common sense into the NFL season. I don't know what I like more about this idea, adding two more regular season games or getting rid of two weeks of the biggest scam known to man-exhibition football games.

And with that, I'm out. Stay frosty, SUS nation!

Goondell butchering the League: Offseason '09 Complaints

Roger Goondell has continued his reign of terror by now further neutering the league with the latest rule proposals during the GM meetings.

Take a look at some of these gems. Three are awful... truly outrageous, truly outrageous...ly awful.

1)
On an onside kick, at least three players must be lined up outside each inbounds line, one of whom must be outside the yard-line number. Folks, this is the type of change we can believe in. This basically eliminates the "bunch" onside kick formation, which the competition committee felt was causing too many injuries.

And in another shocking twist, the league has done away with the three-man wedge that once allowed three grown men to hold hands and race up the field together on kick returns. Here's how Rule 6, Section 1, Article 3(d) now reads:

"After the ball is kicked, no more than two receiving team players may intentionally form a wedge in an attempt to block for the runner. An illegal wedge is defined as three or more players lined up shoulder-to-shoulder within two yards of each other."

Fine, this is okay. Many of the guys have been knocked the eff out because of these wedges of death. The league just doesn't give a shit because these are special teamers and not Tawm Brady.

But the league did offer this other rule:

2)
NFL director of officiating Mike Pereira explained Tuesday afternoon at the St. Regis Hotel, site of the annual owners' meeting, that rules have been clarified to classify Pollard's hit as roughing the passer for a hit below the knee.

"If you go to the ground, you can't forcibly lunge," Pereira said.

Pereira said the quarterback "has a strike zone from the shoulder to the knees" where all hits are allowable. But below the knee, a defender cannot lead with his helmet or shoulder. That will be a 15-yard penalty.

Pereira did say defenders may wrap up or swipe at a quarterback's lower legs to bring him down.

My main issue with this is also this part: "If you go to the ground, you can't forcibly lunge." What on earth does this mean. If you are on the ground are you considered out of the play? What constitutes a lunge? The problem with these rules is that there is not a clear cut definition for what's a lunge and what isn't.

Apparently it means 'if a defensive player going after the QB is on the ground....he should have to get back on his feet before hitting the QB'. But with wrapping up or swiping at the legs, do they really expect defenses to stand a chance?

Furthermore, now a defender can't do the following: (1) lunge or launch himself into the QB, (2)pick them up, (3) drive them into the ground by falling on them, (4)hit them at or below the knee, (5)hit them anywhere in the head, and (6) specifically no head/head contact, etc.

The no head/head rule is the one that kills me the most. How is a 6'3 defender supposed to hit a 6'3 QB w/o the huge risk of a head/head hit? Well, he has to lower his head (another penalty), be sure to hit the QB's body first (w/o lunging), and bring him down to the ground w/o picking him up or falling on him. Oooookaaaaay. Now, the NFL thinks the defender should have to get back up before hitting the Qb at all? WTH?

Okay fine you gotta protect your QBs but for god sake please call it evenly for all QBs. I'm tired of guys like Brady, Manning getting preferential treatment while some others get smashed and get no calls because they are "big." You wonder if the league would make this a rule if it didn't happen to the golden boy? Would this be a rule if Brodie Croyle got hit by Rodney Harrison in the same way as Brady did to Pollard? Let me dust off the old magic 8 ball and say 'ALL SIGNS POINT TO NO.'


3)
The third accepted proposal involves a play in which Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Hines Ward made a block that resulted in a broken jaw for Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Keith Rivers. A 15-yard penalty will be enforced if a player delivers a blindside block to the head of a defender using his helmet, forearm or shoulder. The penalty will be enforced if a helmet, shoulder or forearm strikes the head or neck of the defender.



This rule angers me more than all others. I understand that you got to protect the players but again this rule isn't clear. Let me try to reason this one out.

If you hit the body you're still within the rules. The issue with the "blind-side" block rule will be that refs will not only have to determine whether there was contact to the head, but also if the block was in fact a "blind-side" block. If it was then it's a penalty. If it wasn't a blindside block & the same contact occurs, it's legal.

So, basically, all a defender has to do is turn away from an offensive player ready to block, and that offensive player is essentially taken out of the play.

Thanks NFL.

4)
The final change adds forearm and shoulder hits to protect defenseless receivers. In the past, officials gave an unnecessary roughness penalty to a defender if he delivered a helmet hit to a receiver going across the middle of the field or any spot on the field in which he appeared to be defenseless. Starting this fall, the penalty will also apply if the defender hits the defenseless receiver in the head or neck with his forearm or shoulder.


So now the defender has to be certain that both the receiver's feet are on the ground before he lays the wood?

So I suppose this means the WR will have a free opportunity to catch the ball, gain possesion, get their feet down, wipe their nose, change the maxipad, look-out for a defender, and take shit all before the defender can legally tough him. I guess teams can now resign the great Todd Pinkston off the scrap heap.

Now every single pass will be thrown a tad high so every receiver can jump up to nicely catch it in the air and land safely on the ground. It would be completely within the rules to jump for every pass, and you'd never be able to hit the wideout until he lands with two feet on the ground and has possession. This would ensure a much, much higher completion percentage for QBs since their WRs cannot be hit until they have possession, unlike presently when whether in the air or on their feet defenders can aim to lay the wood to dislodge a ball before the receiver has possession.

BRILLIANT!

Conclusion:

Can someone tell me how this is fucking possible? This does nothing but slow the game down.

In fact, all of these rule changes are completely adverse to what the league has built; a hard hitting game where some of the best athletes in the world can make plays and win championships.

Forget the adage "Defense wins championships." Defense may win championships but offense sells tickets. We now see where the priority really lies with the league.

The Ultimate Douchebag calls it a day.

The year was 2004, and a handsome-but-balding 22 year old came together with a fellow 22 year old who would one day grace the streets of the South Bronx like only a White Boy could. They decided to make the greatest 527, non-profit political action committee that man had ever known: YANKEE FANS FOR KERRY. Did they know how to create a non-profit? No. Did they even try and solicit for volunteers and/or money? Um, you're missing the point. Mainly, that these young go getters, by sharing their opinions with, well, each other, but really loudly, were going to ensure a liberal in the White House and championship #27 in the Bronx...

And needless to say, it was a depressing November '04 for these future Bill Simmons-wannabes. You know the deal: Kevin Millar and Dave Roberts happened. A president with the IQ to bowl a 129 continued his presidency. But ya know who had it good? This tubby motherfucker.

In the words of the immortal Ronald Burgundy, Go f$@k yourself, Curt Schilling. I hope Obama taxes you like an AIG bonus and you have to sell your championship rings on ebay just to fufill your 4,000 calorie per day diet.

Its a start of another week which means it's about that time Arod gets in the news again...

A high-priced former madam who used to provide hookers for former New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer provided the same services for injured Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and dated him, the Daily News reported yesterday.

Former madam Kristin Davis, who served three months in jail and is on five years' probation after pleading guilty to promoting prostitution, would only speak in generalities when reached for comment by Newsday today.

"All I can say is there is a connection," she said when asked about A-Rod. She declined to comment on the specific allegations, saying she does "not talk about my personal life or who I date."


Who knew that AROD would be "dating" the prude from Sex in the City. Shouldn't we be praising him?? Well I will. Well done Alex.

Sure as hell beats Madonna or whoever he is doing now.

Now if only Rod could translate this success into some October baseball.

Mahatma's Post Combine Player Rankings: OGs and Cs

Overall a weak crop of guards but maybe the best class of centers in decades also. The key with this class seems to be position flexibility as a many of the prospects can double as both guards and centers.

OGs:

The guards available in 2008 are somewhat lacking overall but there is talent available in the early to mid rounds. Robinson is the best guard in the draft and maybe sneak into the first round. Levitre is next but is aboard the Mike Mayock bandwagon. Herman Johnson is a massive massive man and has seen his stock upgrade during the post season because he went from 382 to 365 or something. How the hell does an NFL prospect get to 382??!?!

Canfield is an intriguing prospect but has some off the field incidents that didn't involve playing cornhole at Cincinnati. Parker, Vasquez, and Urbikk battled injuries throughout the season and may drop in the process.

1) Duke Robinson /Oklahoma/ 1st - 2nd

2) Herman Johnson / LSU/ 2nd

3) Andy Levitre / Oregon State / 2nd

4) Trevor Canfield / Cincinnati / 3rd

5) Tyronne Green / Auburn / 3rd - 4th

6) Kraig Urbik / Wisconsin / 3rd - 4th

7) Louis Vasquez / Texas Tech / 4th

8) Anthony Parker / Tennesee / 4th - 5th



OCs:

A very good group of centers to come out in a while with nearly all of them being projected to guard as well. This class is much better than last year's wash. Mack might be the center prospect ever. He'll be drafted early 2nd or late first but he could be a team's anchor for 10 years. Unger's unique selling point is that he's had experience playing everywhere along the offensive line but RT. He could be a very good center or guard but needs to hold up a bit better at the point. Caldwell has had his stock improve since the combine unlike teammate Andre Smith and has shown he can handle the big DTs of the SEC throughout his college career. Wood is a bit of a sleeper and might be taken by the Pittsburgh Steelers at the end of round 1 although I still say it's too high. He has shown to also handle big NTs but his problem is more consistency. Still these 5 are all better than any prospect last year and will help solidify the middle of the offensive line for years to come.

1) Alex Mack /California / 1st - 2nd

2) Max Unger / Oregon / 2nd

3) Andre Caldwell / Alabama/ 2nd - 3rd

4) Eric Wood / Louisville /2nd - 3rd

5) Jonathan Luigs / Arkansas/ 3rd - 4th

Someone needs a hug.

I Just Started Liking the Florida Panthers a lot More

Or rather, their fans.

In particular the females.

Ok, it's just one single female fan.

So why would all of a sudden would The Yinzer like a Panther fan? Probably cause said fan mixed two of his favorite things at once: hockey and boobs.

Yes, you can see where this is going. This lady Panther fan decided that it would be a good idea to show the world on television what her "pucks" looked like, and press them up against the glass to further the effect.

I'm not exactly sure what the SUS policy is on posting nude pics/videos (though I'm sure most writers here would be all for it), so I'll just link you to the site that has both a censored and non-censored video. And if nothing else, it makes the post work friendly, if we are actually considered work friendly to begin with.

http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/index.php/2009/03/florida-panthers-fan-exposes-herself-on-live-tv/

I'm going to take the opportunity to take a quote from Seinfeld I don't get to use very often: "They're real, and they're spectacular."

A few thoughts about the opening weekend of the NCAA tournament

A few thoughts about the opening weekend of the NCAA tourney while sounding the annual Can we PLEASE have Gus Johnson for more than opening weekend alarm...

-White Boy, to his credit, is one of the few people who have consistently said that they don't like watching college basketball because the quality of play isn't nearly that of the NBA. After watching the Siena-Ohio State first round matchup, White Boy's statement was eerily prescient.
(Interesting counter-argument to White Boy's "quality of play" theory: The NBA, at various times, has given out paychecks to Stephon Marbury, Chris Dudley, and Brian Scalabrine)

-So as the owner of a UNC-champion bracket, I've never been more concerned with a player I hadn't heard of 3 weeks before than this Ty Lawson injury. And because I can't identify Lawson, I ended up shouting "Nice play, Lawson!" every time a black dude scored. Racist? No. Just a guy who doesn't know his NCAA players. What can I say? I REALLY wants bragging rights over my friends. And yes, that was me shouting at the TV, asking for UNC trainers to raid Barry Bonds' medicine cabinet in order to heal Lawson.

-So do UNC and Duke really share the same stadium for the first two rounds? To paraphrase Chris Rock, when Duke (douchebags) students are taking pride in UNC being down in the second half, you shouldn't be allowed to kill Duke students...but you can certainly shake the shit out of 'em.

-Mike Francessa told me and the other 5 people who still listen to his show that Marquette doesn't miss free throws, giving me a good reason to put Marquette in the sweet 16. All I ask, is that Francessa not confuse Marquette (a few missed free throws) and Missouri (nailed nearly all of 'em) next year.

-2 pet peeves of mine, which anyone watching this Tourney with me is fully aware of:

1. Hey college guys, stop taking NBA 3-pointers. This makes you look cocky and asshole-ish, not pro-ready. Step up to the line and take your glorified jump shot of an NCAA 3 pointer.

2. Down 1 or tied? Please don't take a 3 pointer unless there's simply not enough time to get inside the 3 point line. In theory, it should be easier to drive the lane and try and score from a layup or close jump shot. So just stop taking 3 pointers when a 2 will do.

2a-Amusing sidenote- My dad thinks that the 3 point field goal has ruined basketball. This has to be akin to saying that football hasn't been the same since the introduction of the forward pass.

-And lastly, there needs to be more upsets in the NCAA Tournament. 2 examples why:

1) I had a historic run in the first round-none of my Sweet Sixteen teams were knocked out until Wake Forest lost to Cleveland's greatest export, Cleveland State. And yet, because there were so few upsets, I was only in the top 25% of most of my pools. (Update: After Sunday, not even Sully can save this sinking ship known as my bracket.)

2) Over the last two years, the Final Four has consisted of 6 #1 seeds, 2 #2 seeds, and nothing else. Now, people are picking anywhere from 2-4 #1 seeds, and #2 seeds in place of the #1 seeds. Where's the imagination here? (Full disclosure: I picked UNC, Pitt, Michigan State, and Memphis, 2 #1's, 2 #2's) I remember a time, back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark, Ace of Base was on the radio, and snap bracelets were all the rage, where you wouldn't DREAM of putting more than 2 #1 seeds in your final four. It just didn't happen. Now? People with no imagination are being rewarded for their lack of creativity when 3 or 4 #1 seeds get to the Final Four. This lack of creativity isn't just taking the fun out of the brackets; it's un-American.


And lastly, only because you asked...in the only NCAA tournament that matters, YOUR Boston University Terriers open up against the Ohio State (hockey) Buckeyes Saturday, March 28, 5:30 pm.

GO BU!

Promos Gone Wild

With attendance at sporting events dropping faster than a pass thrown to Braylon Edwards, many teams are turning to running various promotions as an innocent way of getting more fans to attend a game against a crappy opponent, or to put seats in the stands for a team that isn't playing so well. Like the New Jersey Nets "Resume Night". Unemployed? Still want to watch us lose?! Give us your resume, we'll give you a ticket! Or the various teams that have offered their obese fans an economical way to gorge on hot dogs AND cheer on their favorite teams with all you can eat seat nights.

Sometimes though, said promotions go horribly, horribly wrong.

Honestly, the brains behind some of these schemes were a few beers short of a six pack. A quick look at some of the more infamous promotions gone awry will show that they clearly had "bad idea" written all over them from the start. I mean, did anyone really expect events involving explosives or 10 cent beer to end well?

September 26, 1942.
Scrap Metal Night.

Yes, you read that right. Hello sports fans. Hate when things don't go the right way for your team? US TOO! That’s why tonight, we're having 'Bring Your Own Weapon' Night. Oh wait, we can't run that promotion? Ok, hmm, isn't there a war or something going on? Yea, yea, that’s a good idea. Let's let kids in free if they bring us shiny sharp pieces of metal. Cue 8th inning. Picture riotous youth storming the field and the players running for cover and squealing like little girls. Brilliant!

July 12, 1979
Disco Demolition Night.

I can just see someone sitting around making a list. Likes: Baseball, Explosives. Dislikes: Disco. Hmm, how can I combine all of these things into one stellar evening? How about let fans into the Comiskey Park for 98 cents and a disco record, all of which we will BLOW UP WITH A BOMB in between a double header. Apparently close to 90,000 people thought that this was indeed an awesome idea and showed up to a stadium with a capacity of roughly 50,000 and quickly began downing copious amounts of beer and per some reports "illegal drugs". "Woah… man… these records look like Frisbees”. I'm sure it's not easy to keep your team alive when you're being pelted in the head by "Stayin' alive" Shockingly, setting a bomb off in a stadium full of drunk, high, anti-disco fans somehow back fired. They some how managed to blow a huge hole in the outfield, inciting a riot, complete with field storming and fire-starting. (If you can't picture this in your mind, check out some great old-school pictures)

August 10, 1995
Dodgers' fans have balls!

I'm sure you've all been at a game where someone on the opposing team hits a home run and the entire stadium starts chanting "throw it back, throw it back". Now imagine all of these people suddenly realize they have all been armed with promotional baseballs upon entering the stadium. If you were an umpire in this game, would you start making questionable calls against the home team and ejecting players from the game? Or if you did, would you be surprised when the crowd started to make it rain? (And not in a way that someone who is "dancing her way through school" profits from). Yea didn't think so.

And last but not least, the biggest disaster of them all.

June 4, 1974
10 Cent Beer Night.

I really can't even do this night justice. There was an article about it on ESPN'S Page 2 this summer. Upon reading it I didn't know if I should be embarrassed or proud that this happened in Cleveland. Or that if it made me a horrible person that the article had me in tears I was laughing so hard at the absurdity of it. It was the 70s. People were drunk. And high. And for some reason came to the game armed with firecrackers. At one point, they were allowing fans to line up and get beer directly from the beer trucks. The drunken debauchery started innocently enough with a handful of streakers. But as the game progressed, and the fans got drunker, things got uglier. The end result was both dugouts emptying out and a full out riot. A quote from one of the crew chiefs (after a freaking hunting knife landed behind him) kind of sums up the whole thing: "F------ animals! You just can't pull back a pack of animals. When uncontrolled beasts are out there, you gotta do something. I saw two guys with knives, and I got hit with a chair."

Hopefully we can learn from these past mistakes and teams think twice before scheduling things like hypodermic needle night or "Hedge Fund Appreciation Night" on the same night as the mini bat give-a-way. Then again, it would make for a nice follow up post.

What Really Grinds my Gears: NCAA Tourney edition

by White Boy South Bronx

1) More Gus Johnson less Dick Enberg please- Dick Enberg did the impossible last night. Virginia Commonwealth University was trailing by 1 and holding for the game’s final shot. Its superstar Eric Maynor had the ball and was isolated 1 on 1 against UCLA stud Darren Collison. This was epic sports drama. Man vs. Man. Mano y Mano. However, you wouldn’t have known that from listening to the listless Dick Enberg. He sounded as if he not only didn’t care who won the game but also sounded as if he had zero appreciation for the incredibly exciting few seconds that were about to commence. As Maynor’s ill-fated game winning shot attempt was on its way up Enberg said in a very calm and understated tone, “Maynor to win, no, and that’s it.” Then there is the excitable and admittedly over the top Gus Johnson. However, Gus Johnson is, as the legendary Seinfeld character George Costanza said about fictional comedian Kenny Banya, “the voice of new generation, my generation!” The same can be said of Gus. Gus is the voice of my generation. He is passionate about sports and he lets that passion ooze out of him during his broadcast. Being impartial does not require an even tone but rather an equal amount of excitement for the success and failures of each team playing in a given contest. Gus is the master of this. So yea, more young blood Gus and less Old fart Dick please.

2) We the American people identify with college basketball players because their coaches treat them like our bosses treat us- I just realized this today while reading a brilliant column in the New York Daily News by Mr. Bob Raissman. He reminded us that the coaches are waaaaaay bigger stars than the players in each and every tournament . A certain element of this is the nature of the beast. College players stay for a maximum of 4 seasons where as coaches such as Jim Boehemim and Coach K (no fucking way I’m trying to spell that name) have coached a their schools longer than I have been alive. So naturally more drama will be built up for and more fan allegiance will go towards a coach than would be built up towards players. However, part of this is the media’s fault. As Raissman astutely noted, the media will oversell and exaggerate the greatness of isolated coaching moves such as a slight change in a practice or a very subtle change in a defensive scheme. Chances are, these coaches are just brilliant recruiters and excellent motivators but not so brilliant at the x’s and o’s that a slight tweak in a game plan will make their team of stars play well. His article made me realize that the reason we love NCAA basketball way more than the NBA (though not me as you know I love the association) is because we identify with the players more. Not only are college players more likely to be white than NBA players, they also are treated like dogshit in the same way we are by our bosses. These players are yelled at because their coaches are displacing their anger at their wives onto them just like our bosses yell at us because they are projecting their own insecurity about their job status onto us (okay now it’s getting personal). Still though, the fact remains, we can relate to college players waaaay more than pro players. However, you know my view; I’d rather watch the greatest players in a particular sport play against each other than watch a bunch of slow 6”5 white dudes “hustle!” and show “grit.”

3) CBS needs to buy up and/or create other networks ala NBC, ABC and FOX- Having boring monotone conservative white men calling most of its games is not the only issue I have with CBS’s coverage of this tournament. It also needs to make some new sister channels so that it can broadcast more of its games simultaneously in the first few rounds of a given year's tournament. How sweet would it be if you could watch one game on CBS, another on CBS news, yet another on CBS family and yet another on CBS sports channel. I know you could pay a boatload of money to get this opportunity on your favorite Satellite or Cable Company but comeeoooooon; we should be able to do this for free.

4) Too many near huge upsets that were not to be- Whether it was the aforementioned near upset by one of Virginia’s 25 Division 1 schools of UCLA or Kansas’s scare today against North Dakota State, there have been some tantalizing near upsets that have not come to fruition. Perhaps the most exciting one was last night’s 14 point come from behind win by Villanova against upstart American University. Memphis also nearly blew its load prematurely before realizing it wanted to give the girl a chance to have an orgasm too and stick around in this tournament or the long haul. It is just clear to this sports fan and basketball enthusiast that these high seeds were not that into these games until they had to be. Put another way, good coaching job by you Jeff Capel (Oklahoma) and Jim Boeheim getting your highly seeded teams to play hard against inferior competition. However, bad coaching John Calipari and Jay Wright.

5) It’s not going to be a Merry Christmas in Woodside under a Morning star- Of course I am referring to the wonderful names that have been casualties of the first round of the NCAA tournament. The North Dakota Bison boast a mediocre team but two phat last names in its starting lineup: Woodside and Morningstar. Sadly the Bison lost in a hard fought 84-74 game against the superior and tournament tested Kansas Jayhawks. Even worse, the Temple Owls' star Dionte Christmas will also apparently be bowing out after today as his club is on the brink of defeat as we sit here at 4:15 pm. Oh well, I guess the nation can now turn its lonely eyes to you ex Providence standout God Shamgod.

6) It’s a down economy unless you are a fairly good but not great 2 or 3 seed- Apparently being in the top 15 but not in the top 5 in the country is the secret to earning home court advantage in the tournament’s opening weekend. Duke and Nova barely have to pass a stop sign or two to get to their NCAA tournament opening round game sites where as consensus #1 overall Seed Louisville has to travel to Dayton, Ohio. Now I do believe Dayton is not too far from Louisville but the Cardinals definitely have to travel at least as far if not farther than Duke who is playing in Greensborough and Nova who is playing inside its own city of Philly as a 3 seed!!! How is this possible????

7) Where have you gone NCAA tournament pools?- I tried my hardest to find money pools to join. I have many social outlets including my fellow SUS buddies, people who are friends with my parents, White Girl, and friends at school. Somehow though, I was completely unable to find a single pool to join with money involved. I had to settle on joining one yahoo tournament with the artist formerly known as the B.I.G. (he’s too thin now to keep that moniker.) Anyway, to add insult to injury, I also joined a second pool through Facebook with a certain high ranking official at SUS who will remain nameless. However, this pool only has two members, myself and himself and it only has one member who actually filled a bracket, yours truly. Ugh. Oh well, I guess I get to root for bragging rights and pride. Woo hoo!

-WHITE BOY SOUTH BRONX

Special Olympics Bowler Brags That he Can Beat Our Commander-In-Chief

This is going to have to end up with a photo-op, no?

Brilliant!

In related news, the Commander-In-Chief of THIS blog also comes in as full-on retard in terms of bowling skills.

Ovechkin angers NHL by promoting sport

In a blow to Gary Bettman's effort to remake the NHL as the quiet kid in your high school class you never realized existed, Alex Ovechkin scored his 50th goal of the season last night for the third year in a row. Ovechkin continued his quest for a razzie by doing some sort of celebration in which he insinuated that the ice was hot.

The celebration, as funny as it was awkward, was another example of Ovechkin doing everything he can to try and give some life to a league that continues to be a comedic punchline. And in news as unsurprising as seeing a Stanley Cup Finals game bumped for professional bowling coverage, the powers that be are pissed.

Part-time altar boy and head coach of Tampa Bay Lightning, Rick Tocchet said of Ovechkin, "He went down a notch in my books after that. It's not something I like. It's hard for me to accept, to see something like that in our building."

In related news, Tocchet, the self-appointed moral compass of the NHL, pled guilty over the summer to charges of running a gambling ring.

I could go off on a rant about how fighting in hockey allows the NHL to police itself when someone breaks an unwrittten rule. But the simple fact is this: the NHL needs all the publicity that it can get. Alex Ovechkin's antics, however lacking in classical comedic timing, get the NHL noticed. And unless Marty McSorley or Donald Brashear are involved, any publicity is good publicity for the NHL.

Rick Tocchet and those who share his opinion, needs to sit down and shut up. Send a tough guy (does Tampa have any?) after Ovechkin and make him a non-factor. After all, it was either Confucius or Shakespeare who once said the following:

"If you give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. If you knock his ass out, the fish will need to be fed through a straw."

Stuck at Work and need to be updated on how bad your bracket is?

The "I wish i could think of a clever caption to write but I'm hungover so let's have a shitty" Caption Contest!!!

Best caption receives SUS's bailout package.

The Brooklyn Hillbilly's Comprehensive Look at the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament: First Round

West Virginia (6)

Best Case: Final Four. Mountaineers overcome hideous Bob Huggins wardrobe to become the surprise team of March, charging to Detroit behind blossoming freshman forward Devin Ebanks. Team toughened by 11 games against the RPI top 50 dispatches Dayton with ease, upsets Kansas in the second round, does the same to Michigan State in the Sweet 16 and then finally gets over on Louisville after two competitive losses during the regular season. Meanwhile, Pitt loses early and Rich Rodriguez comes down with the flu in Ann Arbor.

Pat Forde is dead-on with his analysis right here. The only thing that would make this more true would be to correct the Rich "ShrivelDick" Rod part to read "...contracts a fatal case of syphilis from a transvestite hooker giving a rimjob while looking at child porn". WVU is a powder keg waiting to explode. They've reached the Sweet Sixteen in 3 of the past 4 years and made it to the Elite Eight in 2005. Freshmen Brooklyn natives Devin Ebanks and Darryl Bryant have gotten better every game this year, powering the Mountaineers with an impressive rebounding and defensive game that can dominate more talented teams. Look, these first few rounds will be a cakewalk for WVU, that's the benefit of playing in the toughest conference in college basketball. With leaders like Alex Ruoff and Da'Sean Butler, the Mountaineers will be ready to play. And if not, Huggy Bear gon' hafta slap a ho.

The Pick- WVU over Dayton

Because we don't just rip off Bill Simmons and Family Guy...

NEW RULE: Stars of dramatic HBO shows may not move to network sitcoms. Likewise, after you do a network sitcom, you're banned from HBO.

You are Stringer Bell from The Wire. You are one of the greatest one of the greatest bad guys ever created. You are the street thug who took economic classes at Baltimore County College. You are not the Vice President of Dunnder Mifflin, no matter what the digital cable says. (Though you run a nice stationary store as a front in Baltimore.) Go back to the Towers and stay the hell away from Pam Beasley.

(And Captain Winters, if you show up as a neighbor on Two and a Half Men, you're dead to me too.)