The dudes you'll see at your super bowl party

Everyone reading this blog (yeah, both of you) will be heading to a Super Bowl Party this Sunday. And more likely than not, these are some of the guys that you’ll encounter: (Girls you’ll encounter will be posted later this week.)

1. The guy who takes the game too seriously

This will be me this year. The diehards for the two teams playing don’t look at Super Sunday as a party. They look at it as 4 hours in which all their team’s skill, sacrifice, and having the refs on their side up to this point will put them in the history books. They will join the likes of Jeff Hostetler and Joe Namath (average quarterbacks who will forever have one thing that Dan Marino doesn’t) or the likes of Vince Ferragamo and Steve Grogan. After the game this guy is definitely drinking. Hard. Whether it’s to celebrate or drown his sorrows is anyone’s guess.

2. The guy who pretends to be a fan of one of the teams, but isn’t really

This guy cares about the game, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t truly know what’s going on unless Joe and Troy spell it out for him. Lucky for him, his willingness to party overrides his worries about who will win. He’ll watch, and even contribute such intelligent remarks as “If we can just score more points, we’ll definitely win,” or “If eli can just complete his passes, he’ll definitely be much better.

3. The guy who isn’t a fan, doesn’t pretend to be, but really enjoys a party

The only difference between this guy and guy #2 is that he makes no pretense about caring who wins. He’ll root for whoever the party’s rooting for, but he will often make fun of guy #1 for being waayyyy into the football game. Guy #1, when he regains rational thought will agree with guy #3, but guy #3’s taunts are still likely to lead to a fight if his team loses. Of course, if his team wins, Guy #1 laughs it all off and calls Guy #3 one of his best friends and a funny motherfucker.

4. The guy who’s really hoping to get some

A close relative of Guy #3, and also the most rational guy at the party. It’s a party, he’s single, why shouldn’t he try to get some? Most of the guys are overly involved in the game and he’ll have a fair amount of the girls to himself. Never will the odds be more in his favor. Of course, the other guys at the party know this, and will rag on him for eternity if he spends the whole evening discussing his favorite Grey’s Anatomy moment with the ladies while failing against unbelievably easy odds. No pressure, guy #4.

5. The guy who roots against whatever team everyone’s rooting for

Yeah, this is me pretty much every year that the Giants aren’t involved. (Ask BH about this.) This person is two things: 1) a football fan; and 2) an asshole. If his team isn’t going to be involved, he’s not happy. And if he’s not happy, why should anyone else be happy? I look forward to returning to this role next year.

6. Degenerate gambling guy

Most Patriot fans will be happy if Gostkowski wins the game in the final seconds. But for this guy, the game was over when the Giants kept it close midway through the 4^th quarter.

7. The guy who always shows up late

He always says he was busy shopping or something like that. I’m always amazed that stores are open past 5pm on Super Sunday. Who knew?

8. Commercial guy

He waits until the game is back from commercial before he goes to the bathroom. This guy is often guy #4. He can’t tell you who won in 2002, but he can tell you all about that year’s commercials. Barely a guy.