Gambling Is Bad For You

But here's some picks for those that need a true expert to guide them in losing more of their mortage/bar money...

Cincinnati (+2.5) @ Baltimore

Remember last year when everyone was jerking off to this match between DYNAMIC Bengal offense against the VAUNTED Ratbird defense. Yea, both teams sucked and ESPN was left with their tails between their legs. Now this year, the tides may potentially turn for the reverse. It’s funny the last 5 years, the 3^rd place team has always one the division the following season. Could that mean the BUNGS could return from the grass fields of Cincitucky and actually bring home a playoff spot? Do you believe in miracles? No but I do believe that the Rats are terrible. For whatever reason, the Bungles always play the Rats well and their offense puts up points on that defense.

Plus, the Ravens are throwing Kyle Bller 2k8 out there and hope that he doesn’t screw up soon enough before the game is out of reach. This offense can be decent but they need the run game to come up huge and limit Flacco’s passing to 15-25 attempts. I don’t see it happening. Nice hat there Joseph.

It also will be interesting to see Ocho Cinco out there in all his glory. Does he realize how much of a douche he is? Probably not and I’m sure the lemmings like Devo like him but I can’t. Yea that whole thing was cool at first but now this is bordering on circus. When are those Chad being Chad t-shirts going to be printed?

Regardless, Bungs win because I can’t really see Joe Flaccid or whatever his name is not screwing up in his first big game. Heck, even Carson Palmer couldn’t choke this one away… well unless it’s a close game in the 4^th quarter.

Bengals – 24

Ravens – 13

Dallas (+6) @ Cleveland

Thankfully the networks decided to give us one decent game to watch and this be it.

Everyone is all aboard the Brown train. Why? Oh right, the explosive offense they have. Color me unimpressed because half of that explosiveness came against that weak Bungles defense. This is a team that teams got wise on how to defend as the season progressed. The book is also out on Andersen and teams have game film. Not to mention, The Browns don’t have the luxury of having a last place team schedule anymore so they can actually face some competition.

Opening up against Dallas is quite the test in the early going. Dallas is the favorite to emerge from the NFC and will provide a measuring stick for the Browns and to see how far they’ve come. (Apologies for the shitty reference to Matchbox 20 song…boy are they awful). The Cowpokes have it all. Great defense, punishing run game and potent passing attack. They also have Jessica Simpson and really don’t you wish she’d root for your favorite football team?

ESPN might be convinced that Derek Anderson is the next big thing but I heard the same thing about the Strokes, The Hives and everything else. Derek Anderson is not the next big thing and he won’t make it happen this week when he’s still feeling concussion symptoms. Cleveland has looked awful in the preseason. They can’t score nor can they stop teams. This team might have a better run defense this defense but their pass defense is even WORSE! You think Eric Wright is going to stop TO? I don’t. Dallas will murder the Browns.

Dallas – 31

Cleveland – 16