Rejected Features of Madden 2009

Everyone is more than excited about EA Sports' Madden '09. In a match made in heaven, Madden’s own Brett Favre will appear on the cover to showcase his throwback Packer jersey. Hopefully, they'll quickly photoshop his Jets jersey on it.

Some features for the game include:

• Play like a pro no matter what your skill level with the Adaptive Difficulty Engine that tailors your experience to suit your proficiency
• Hone your skills in the Virtual Training Center, featuring a holographic environment designed to help you fine-tune your game
• Execute plays and celebrations like never before with the Total Control Animation System that delivers the most authentic gameplay ever in the series
• Receive customized feedback from EA Sports BackTrack to learn from your mistakes as you play and correct them so you can achieve total dominance on the field
• Access stats, customized tips and in-game options without pausing the game and losing your momentum by using the new Options OnDemand Picture-in-Picture
• Battle it out on the gridiron with up to 32 teams in Online Leagues, complete with trades and statistical tracking

But with every new feature that made the cut, a lot of features did not.

Thankfully, we were able to obtain that list because we are big time members of the sports media. That being said, here are the list of features that just missed the cut and likely be auditioning for spots in the CFL or NFL Europe games.

1) JOHN MADDEN TELESTRATOR METER

Here John would randomly draw circles on the screen and talk for 10 minutes about Brett Favre or about the grass of whatever stadium he’s in. Sadly, due to a programming glitch, this feature won’t make the cut.













2) BRETT FAVRE RETIREMENT DRAMA MODE

Favre would toy with retiring and unretiring every off-season and than show up to training camp and than get traded. Favre would continue to do this until he is 50 because he still had that hunger.


3) PATRIOT DISRESPECT MODE

When you run up the score on the Patriots in the 3rd quarter, Tedy Bruschi’s head pops out of your TV screen and immediately ingests steroids and amasses nearly 487549034 “hits” in only one quarter of football. Somewhere ESPN is jerking off.








4) BENGAL ARREST MODE

In a shocking turn of events, the various members of the Bungles would be arrested in mid game. The game would even have the cops come on to the playing field and tackle the likes of Chris Henry, Odell Thurman, etc.
















5) PEYTON MANNING COMMERCIAL MODE

Sad to say this too was scraped. The idea was that whenever you were Peyton Manning you could actually act in whatever commercials you want. Hit X for redneck mode or hit B for awkward face mode. It’s all here baby! You could negotiate with 1000 various brands and than actually act out in the commercials and than play them on PeytonTV mode.


6) INJURY EXCUSE MODE
You know when an annoying fanbase cries about injuries or something, well the Madden development team had this solution. For years, people have been hitting the reset button to erase a bad injury. But if you have morals, you take that playoff loss and focus on the following season. In Madden 09, you can take away some sting from that defeat. If you're going into an AFC Championship game that you're sure to lose, activate the "Injury Excuse" feature. You can select which one of your players goes down, and combined with XBOX LIVE's or PS3's online message-board feature, you can gripe about it as your team gets served.


7) ROID BOY MODE

Much like Jaroid Allen and “Roidboy” Shawne Merriman, you too can be an overrated joke cheater and cheat your way to a sack title and than be lavished as a MONSTER despite missing 4 games and clearly still having roids in your system and get lavished to a new contract. Than the next season you can come back to earth with a measly 8-10 sack year but screw it you are still rich!






8) ONE-AND-DONE MODE

EA Sports wanted to bring the realism of the NFL right to your living room.
In Madden 09, the "One-and-Done" mode is past beta stages and ready for stores on August 12th!

Battle your way through a season with the Dallas Cowboys and lose in your first game!
After a couple years of first game exits, you can unlock the two-and-done feature or as we like to call it “Bill Cowhard” Mode.


9) NEW REALISTIC CROWD

New crowd dynamics create the most lifelike crowds.

Now with new accurate attendance numbers, play games at Dolphin Stadium and the Georgia Dome in front of an half-empty arena!

Playing games in Oakland? Watch as security escorts multiple Legion of Doom Shoulder pad Neanderthals out in handcuffs!

When the Patriots start losing again watch as the biggest Pat “diehards” all magically vanish!

10) CHOKE MODE

New Choke meter in games causes even the most hyped up superstars to perform at the very worst for when going gets tough. This was to be the biggest feature in Madden 09 but was scrapped when Madden wanted Favre on the cover. Sadly, we will wait until 2010 when Tony H. Romo and Carson “Game Clinching Turnover” Palmer would be the first ever dual cover athletes as new choke mode unveils!

10 days in Israel and the whole world goes to hell? (Part 1: The Sports Edition)

Some thoughts on the last two weeks or so of sports while trying to get rid of an obscene case of jetlag:

1. To blatantly steal a style, didn't you used to be the New York Yankees? I have no idea where to begin with this team, and White Boy has covered most of it, but a few thoughts:

A) I don't care how bad Melky has looked at the plate; I don't want to see Brett Gardner playing every day for this team. Brett Gardner, at best, will be the next Dave Roberts. Someone needs to remind Girardi that Roberts sucks at life when he enters a game before the 7th inning. And Brett Gardner will too. That said, Gardner just hit an RBI triple that would've been a single for Giambi.

B) I'm not one for hyperbole, but A-Rod has a chance to become the least clutch player in the history of organized sport to win 2/3 of the triple crown. Coming into today's games, A-Rod is 6 homers behind Carlos Quentin for the AL lead and 14 points behind Baldzilla Pedroia for the AL batting crown. And yet, there's not a less clutch non-Molina hitter in the game. Bizarre. Even Captain Double Play has had more clutch hits this year.

C) Have fun elsewhere next year, Ian Kennedy. Just be happy that Cashman wasn't smart enough to make you endure those shitty Minnesota winters.

2. Brett Favre, New York Jet. Wow. I know this news is older than Dara Torres, but again, wow. A little background about myself; when it comes to the Jets and Mets, I root for them, but I can also laugh at them. Basically, I'm a big fan of these teams doing everything quirky and experimental in an effort to make their teams more watchable. All this is to say that short of signing a midget, this Brett Favre signing is the best I could hope for from the Jets.

3. Going in a complete opposite direction, is there anything weirder than Giants camp this year? Thanks to the Brett Favre show, the Defending Champs are suddenly second fiddle in this town. Weirder than that, I keep asking my dad and White Boy for Giant updates and they pretty much have nothing for me. Eerily quiet for a team that was notorious for having preseason controversy.

a) But I'll say this: what's the deal with our receivers? Plax had a few practices, and is now hurt again. And every time I look at the injury report, it says that Toomer, Smith, and Manningham sat out practice with injuries. With Tyree not leaving the PUP list anytime soon, the Giants starting receivers are starting to look like Sinorice Moss and Michael Jennings. Awesome. It sure smells like a repeat in here.

My Favorite Olympic Moments: Week 1

Dramatized fluff pieces. Overly-emphasized American athletes. Awesome Visa commercials. Gymnastics drama. Some swimmer named Michael. The Olympics are half over, and I have managed to watch a lot of them. Yes, I've seen enough Syncrho-Diving and Beach Volleyball for a lifetime. These are my favorite moments from the first week in Beijing (in no particular order):

Blake v. Federer This quarterfinal match-up was intriguing because Federer will relinquish his #1 ranking to Rafael Nadal no matter what, but the Swiss man still would have liked to medal. Instead, he lost for the first time ever to the American, in straight sets. The win was huge for Blake, but he couldn't capitalize, losing in the semis to Fernando Gonzalez and then in the Bronze medal match to Novak Djokovic. Nadal will play Gonzalez on Sunday to determine the Gold medal winner.

Michael Phelps' Food Intake Have you heard of him? Apparently he's not a bad swimmer. With 7 finals down and one to go, Phelps is on his way to possibly winning a record 8 Gold medals. The Baltimore bullet (yup, they call him that) has made it interesting in 2 of his swims, while winning the other 5 without much of a problem. Phelps led off the Americans, who won the 4X100 free relay in the last few meters when Jason Lezak stunned the Frenchmen. The 100 meter butterfly came down to a hundredth of a second, which was amazing to watch. Phelps now has the most Golds by an athlete ever. Ever. He also eats up to 12,000 calories a day. Read that again. He swims about 5 miles a day to balance it all out, but, that's a whole lot of calories.

The Parade of Nations Sure it was long. Bob Costas and Matt Lauer weren't the only ones getting loopy while the 205 countries walked into the Bird's Nest (I was too). Either way, it was great to see so many elated people, dressed in their country's finest (some cases more than others). I did love the little Chinese boy with that big Chinese man, Yao Ming. So cute.

Nastia Liukin and Alexander Artemev My two favorite members of the US Gymnastics Teams (thanks to my friend Kathy). Nastia is an immigrant from Russia, who's father is a former Gold medalist. After coming so close so many times, she peaked when it counted, winning the Women's All-Around Gold, beating her teammate and good friend, Shawn Johnson. Sasha, as Artemev is known, was born in Belarus and was an alternate until Morgan Hamm withdrew. He helped his team win the Bronze medal, with a fantastic performance on the Pommel Horse, one of the most dreaded men's events.

Bob Costas and Mary Carillo Bob Costas has always been a favorite of mine, ever since he did the NBA on NBC back in the 90s. I love to see him anchoring the Prime Time coverage of the games. It is also great to watch as he makes fun of himself for being short. Mary hosts the Late-Night show, which I have yet to see, but every night in Prime Time she does some story about Beijing's culture to help us Americans understand.

And here's why China is a little shady:

Their Gymnastics Team Looks 12 The girls are supposed to be at least 16 years old and there have been many reports that the government doctored their passports. Many of the girls look much younger, and a recent competition showed one who was 14. It is probably too late to try and get this fixed. The passports have already been examined by the IOC and the girls won a Gold Medal.

The Opening Ceremony By now you must have heard about the switch the Chinese made by using one girl's voice while putting a different, 'cuter' girl 'singing' center stage. Also, there are reports that a woman fell during a rehearsal for the event and she is facing possible paralysis. China tried to cover this incident up until it was leaked. And it has also been reported that performers were told to wear diapers so they did not have to take bathroom breaks during rehearsals and at the Opening Ceremony. Hmmm...

Well that's it for now! Track and Field, Diving, and the farewells for Baseball and Softball are still to come. Also, Major League Baseball is still going on, and a team called the Mets are in the middle of a win-streak! What are your favorite moments of the week? Do you have any other reasons why China is shady (please limit this to Olympic-related incidents)?
~MissMet

Further proof that the internet is the devil reincarnate...

..because now you have every asshole running around with a camera. Maybe this kid is why the Steelers looked like shit Thursday night.




How old is this kid too? He sounds like he's 10 but he has the creepstache going on too.

I find it funny, being a quasi-celebrity like myself, when some annoying kid comes by and asks questions. If I was Troy here, I'd slap the stache off this kid. Alas that is why he gets paid the big bucks while I get paid in paper clips.

Wow do I hate my team! Girardi and the Yankees' streaks: connected by a theory

So after another 9th inning tie game bed shitting by Mo and 2 out fly out by Giambi with the bases loaded, I have come to realize something else about this beyond frustrating and irritating team. They, despite being full of veterans who played on this team last year, have, incredulously, taken on the persona and personality of their manager.

Consider this; Girardi was brought in because he was more passionate, temperamental and, dare I say, up and down than the even keeled and 1st ballot Hall of Famer Torre. As such, this team, unlike last years team that would, late in the year, consistently win 2 of 3 and 4 of 5 yet never really went on a crazy 10 in a row run, is entirely streaky. Instead of winning series, this team has compiled a semi-respectable record of 64-58 by playing horrendous baseball almost all season..... except for 4 runs of 4+ game winning streaks sprinkled throughout the 2008 campaign. They have a 4 game winning streak, a 5 game winning streak, a 7 game winning streak, and an 8 game winning streak. Outside of these fairly spaced out bursts of solid play, this team is a woeful 18 games under 500. I know you can't take away those 24 wins but it is noteworthy that this team has basically played lousy baseball except for 4 solid streaks at various spaced apart intervals of the season. Unlike Torre, who looked exactly the same at a press-conference after a loss as he did after a win, Girardi looks like his favorite dog died after each loss and looks like he just banged the prom-queen after each win. This radical temperament change, based on the outcome of games; which is appropriate for die-hard fans like myself, is not appropriate for the manager of a team whose team plays 162 games.

I admit, I thought I wanted a more passionate and temperamental manager but I think I was wrong. I am not saying Girardi is a terrible manager or that he is not the right guy for the future of this team. However, I am saying that I see negative aspects of his personality rubbing off on his team; in turn these personality flaws may in part explain it's horribly erratic play.

Date Ovechkin!

Really strange video but alas here is Ovechkin trying to land a girl via a tv show. Hasn't he heard of the wonderful Match.com? Perhaps SUS's own Devo might try to land a date with the Ove?






Anyway, this further fuels the Crosby > Ovechkin argument.

Nerds getting ripped on...

It's like high school all over again except this time I'm not getting made fun of so it's funny!

Obama Roll'd

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES:



Frankly, this video is a slap in the face to black men all over America. Just shameful. But I guess this is what happens when you grow up in Hawaii with white people. You end up dancing like Rick Astley.

Its gonna be a long 4 years......

There's a big party in India right now.

NEW DELHI, Aug 11 (Reuters) - Abihinav Bindra's mother joked that his Olympic triumph had made him “the country’s most eligible bachelor” as Indians celebrated a historic first individual gold medal.

Bindra’s family led the party after victory in the 10m air rifle event brought joy to a nation of more than one billion.

“He has won the greatest medal in the world,” an ecstatic A.S. Bindra, the shooter’s father told Reuters. Bindra senior is a successful businessman who has provided his son with an air-conditioned shooting range where he can train.

I'm not the most patriotic hindu out there but there's nothing like winning a medal for the motherland. I know the terrorist jokes here are likely too overpowering and even I, as a gun-totting hindu, has to plead the 5th here. I find it funny that like all indian parties she is already auctioning off her son like he is 100 shares of Apple? I mean really mother can you let your son rock out and get all the poon from the indian ladies without commitment? I mean really. I mean look at him here:



He's just licking his chops at the thought of being ravished by 500,000 million females.

It Is the Best of Seasons, It Is the Worst of Seasons...

*
A few days up, a few days down. Frankly, I think that all Mets fans are lucky that our team is 6 games above .500. After 3 great (maybe lucky) wins Thursday-Saturday, the boys have put together two losses in a row. I can find ways to excuse the 8-2 loss to the Marlins on Sunday (they had already won the series, Pelfrey has been pretty damn good otherwise), but today's 7-5 defeat to the Pirates? Awful. Stupid. Inexcusable. Manuel got ejected in the game, which I really don't blame him for, in the bottom of the ninth. Maybe he should have saved his frustration for the pitchers in the bullpen, though. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that once a starting pitcher or even a reliever leaves with a lead, they deserve to get a win. It sounds simple doesn't it? Why then, have the Mets lost 9 games in which they have led in the eighth inning or later? The characters are all the same: Smith, Feliciano, Sanchez, Heilman and Schoeneweis. Together, this quintet let a 5-1 lead become a 7-5 loss, in the 7th and 9th innings. Poor Pedro has come back from injuries and the death of his father to pitch well. Unfortunately, he can't secure a win because of the pen. Not really fair is it? Its also not really all that fun for the fans to watch.
*In the above picture, Billy Wagner's MRI shows a Rare Extra 'Blown Save' Muscle. Thank you, bleacherreport.com. Nice work.
I'll be back later on this week to talk about the Olympics!!
~MissMet

White Flag has been raised: Congrats to the D-rays and Twins: Oh and a theory as to why the Yankees offense is sucking

That's right. The Redsox are not going to make the playoffs. The Manny trade will ultimately cost them a playoff birth. If this sounds like a Yankee fan gloating, it is not. Rather, it is congratulating the 2008 Al Wild card Champion Minnesota Twins. The Sox are not good enough to make the playoffs, the Yanks are not good enough to even contend the rest of the way. As a die hard Yankees fan, I am thoroughly disgusted and appalled by my favorite team's play over the weekend. Yesterday, they had, in 4 different innings, a runner on third and less than 2 outs and not one of those times did they successfully advance the runner home. Pettite gave his club everything he had including one of the greatest defensive plays by a pitcher I have ever seen. However, the Pen, which has been a great strength all season, is turning into the club's greatest vulnerability at the most inopportune time. Marte has been misused by Girardi (he should be a 1 inning guy or a lefty specialist), Pudge has no idea what to call for his new pitchers, and Edwar

Edwar Ramierz has hit a big time wall after dominating all season long.
However, the greatest problem with this team seems to be situational hitting not intangibles. I am not one to overly stress intangibles and "guts" or "heart" in a sport that is fairly non-violent/non-agressive and individualistic by nature; however I am also not one to say that the Yanks are just hitting into "bad luck" with runners in scoring position; which is the position that is advanced by nerdy sabormetricians like Max Kellerman. Rather, I think certain players have a skill or knack for situational type of hitting. The Yankees are bereft of these kind of players. By assembling a team of former and current superstar sluggers like A-rod (present) and Giambi, Abreu (past), you have a team that has tremendous trouble hitting a a ground ball with the infield playing back or hitting a fly ball when the infield is playing in. So I don't think it is so much that the Yankees are horribly un-clutch nor do I think the Yankees are unlucky; rather I think most of their players with the exception of Johnny Damon and Xaiver Nady, just are not skilled at the art of giving themselves up to make sure a run scores. None of them have ever been asked to do this in their superstar careers. This would be fine if they were still at their peaks of greatness but most of these guys like Abreu, Giambi and Jeter, are no longer in their greatest years and need to be able to do more in the way of situational hitting; only they can't because they never have had to. This, my fellow Yankee fans has been the greatest flaw in this year's Yankee team.

I raise the white flag not because I don't like a lot of the young bullpen arms, I think they have a great pen going forward, and not because I don't think Cano and Melky will bounce back with better seasons next year; rather, I raise the white flag because I simply don't think this offense will magically learn how to situational hit. This would be okay if we had a healthy rotation of Wang, Joba, Muss, Pettite and Ponson. However, with a rotation that features Dan Giese and Ian Kennedy getting crucial starts the rest of the way, this lack of situational hitting will ultimately cost the Yanks too many games. This, coupled with a 4 game deficit to Boston and 3 to Minnesota makes it nearly impossible to end up overcoming this wild card deficit in the end. That said, enjoy an American League playoffs of Tampa Bay, Minneapolis, Orange County, and Chicago A.L Fox and TBS. Those ratings should easily beat out Sunday night football games on NBC like games featuring the Superbowl 42 champion New York Giants, The F A R V E FARVE FARVE FARVES, the 18-1 Pats and the national teams like Pittsburgh and Dallas.

Devo speaks from The Promised Land!!!

Report from our fearless leader:

"The Israeli women....WOW! If I get with a female soldier[BH note- no idea what he wants if he hooks up with a male soldier], I demand a jersey of some sort and that it be retired to the rafters."

In honor of Devo's new mission, SUS presents a gallery of hot Israeli soldiers.
ליהנות!

GOODBYE CHAD!

Thursday morning:

12:09am: I'm watching Sportscenter and there is "breaking news". The Jets have officially traded for Brett Favre.

12:10am: I throw my remote
12:15am: I fix my remote and turn up the volume because yes I was too lazy to adjust the volume on the TV itself

12:18am: My brother texts me, "I'm getting a Favre jersey!"
12:18 and 10 secondsam: I throw my phone
12:20am: I turn off the TV and go to bed

I was somewhat relieved that the Jets would only lose a 2nd round or possibly a 4th round pick. First rumors said it was a 1st round pick and I was going to go ape shit if that were true. But overall I like the trade. It was funny, I read that the Jets were leaning towards making Chad their starter too. PYSCHE!!!! Start packing BITCH! Take your arena football arm, your ugly as comeover and some ice for the slap in the face we just gave you and say hello to Kansas City! I can't wait to start my Madden franchise this year and actually have a QB with more than 90% in arm strength.

Sorry for corrupting this sight by discussing politics but I have to get on Hillary

This is absurd. Hillary actually wants to bring some of her own supporters ,in the form of delegates, to the convention to "unify the party." Apparently, Hillary's idea of unifying the party is making, sure that she lets fellow Democrats know that she should have been the nominee not Obama. Hillary, you lost fair and square, if you have any true passion for Democrat ideals such as being pro-choice, being opposed to increased tax-cuts for the upper crust of society, and being a supporter of a worker's right to form unions to protect themselves against oppressive corporate gas-bags, then you should back down from this childish request and support the candidate who is aligned with you on important issues; instead of indirectly helping elect a curmudgeon who is pro-life and in bed with oil companies on off-shore drilling projects. Sorry, I will go back to my usual Yankee rants from now on.

BRETT FAVRE TO THE JETS!!

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE FOR REAL...
Apparently, it was just too hard to say goodbye.
Welcome to JERSEY Brett.
~MissMet

Eddie redeems himself!

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder relied on little more than his voice and guitar during the third show of his summer solo tour in New York on Monday.

His performance at the United Palace Theatre boasted 28 tracks filled with obscure Pearl Jam songs, covers and material from his "Into the Wild" soundtrack.

Early on, Vedder showed his appreciation for the attentive (and non-shouting audience), joking, "We left all the a--holes behind in Boston," where the tour began on Friday.

This is why Eddie is the man and back in my good graces. After being picture with Prince Jagoff of Sawks nation, he totally REDEEMS himself. I know this means nothing in general nor the grand scheme of things but it's good to know that even a hero like Eddie Vedder and take a step back and realize the error of his ways.

Cheers to you Eddie. Cheers to you!

Angry White Boy texts to White Boy Senior

So this season for the Yankees will unofficially come to a close tomorrow when Dr. James Andrews meets with Yankees phenom Joba Chamberlain and tells him that; although you have no structural damage or serious injury to your right shoulder, it is best to be cautious because you are a young fire-baller and you should rest your arm till next spring training. As such, I was already an angry white boy as I settled into tonight's contest against the power hitting Texas Rangers. However I stupidly figured, Pettite never has two bad games in a row, The Yankees are facing a guy with a 7.2 era; we got this...... Boy was I wrong.

(1) 8:21- Pettite pitches like a dumb ass so much. On 3-2 2 outs and Hamilton up with 1b open, no reason to throw a strike. So absurd

(2) 8:25- Mental errors by veteran pitchers just gall me to no end.

(3) 8:36- I hope this guy (Ranger pitcher) gets a fucking no hitter; serves "us" right

(4) 8:42- They aren't into this game; very appalling.

(5) 8:52- I hate Jeter (following a 2 on 1 out double play in which Jeter represented the tying run).

I do not really hate Jeter but how many hyyuuuge and inning crushing double plays is Jeter going to hit into this year? the next 3 messages are also about said Jeter.

(6) 8:53- With 2 on and 1 out he's the last guy on team I want up

(7) 8:55- Its 1-0 count guy just threw 5 straight out of zone WHY would you chase pitch low and outside, its insane!

(8) 8:59- I'd take 2008 Tatis over 2008 Jeter every time.

Yea I am on a small amount of sleep last 2 days but I stand by every text I sent (except actually hating Jeter part, though he's been horrible this year).

Didn't people learn this lesson when Macaulay Culkin wasn't doing lines of coke on strippers?

JERUSALEM - An Israeli couple going on a European vacation remembered to take their duty-free shopping and their 18 suitcases, but forgot their 3-year-old daughter at the airport, police said Monday.

The couple and their five children were late for a charter flight to Paris Sunday and made a mad dash to the gate. In the confusion, their daughter got lost.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said a policeman found her wandering in the duty-free area at Ben-Gurion airport, Israel's bustling main international air portal. He said the officer alerted airline staff, but the flight had already taken off.

Israeli media said the parents were an ultra-Orthodox Jewish couple but did not give their names.

Rosenfeld said the parents were unaware they had boarded the aircraft with only four children instead of five until they were informed by cabin staff after 40 minutes in the air.

The child, accompanied by an airline staffer, took the next flight to Paris where she was safely reunited with her parents.

Rosenfeld said police would question the couple when they return from vacation, on suspicion of parental negligence.

Harry and Marv were unavailable for comment.

Since We Last Spoke....

*
The Mets? No longer in first place (or second). The bullpen? No longer doing so hot. John Maine and Marlon Anderson? On the DL. Ryan Church? Still not playing. The non-waiver trade deadline? Come and gone without the smallest of moves by Omar Minaya. It seems like a lot can happen in a week and a half and all that has happened to the Mets has been pretty bad. After being swept by the Houston Astros, a team that is 13 games out of first place, the boys from Queens have an off day tomorrow before a 3 games series at home vs. the Padres. So Mets fans, let's please take a look at the positives:
San Diego is in last place in the NL West and 26 games under .500. The three probable pitchers for the series all have records of .500 or under.
Nick Evans, getting some playing time in due to (lots of) outfield injuries, made some great plays this afternoon to throw runners out at second.
Eddie Kunz, a top draft pick, made his major-league debut and pitched a scoreless inning in the 7th. With Billy Wagner potentially out for who knows how long, the bullpen can use all the help it can get (oh sorry, only positives).
Dan Murphy, another prospect, made his debut on Saturday and looks great in the outfield.
Johan Santana is still pitching well despite getting crap help from the bullpen. We will be lucky if he doesn't fly the coop next year (sorry again).
::crickets::
If I have to hear one more Yankee fan talking about how Willie Randolph deserved more from the Mets I might throw up.
That was obviously just an aside, nothing positive there.
Oh, oh! The Phillies are losing in the bottom of the 5th...please don't mention it if they come back and end up winning.
I found another! Fernando Tatis has a 10-game hitting streak.
Yeah, I think that's it. Stay tuned for some more positives, hopefully as a result of the series against the Padres. Maybe the boys will show up for this one.
~MissMet
*One more! At least we don't have Mo Vaughn at first base.

September is going to be the greatest month in the history of tv...

woohoo!!!!

Sometimes, Journalists Can Surprise You

The other day I came across this Article from the Hockey News writer Adam Proteau. The thing about this article is that he points out the shitty ass comments people put forth constantly in hate mail and message boards, and gives the response of basically "go fuck yourself." You never see articles like this from writers. To me Proteau is hit or miss. Sometimes he sounds like an expert and others you just scracth your head at him. But he hit the nail on the head with this article (which I assure you is 100% true in hockey circles), and I have to give him kudos for it. Mahatma and Devo can abck me up on these phrases being uttered from many hockey fans. I've copied the article below completely unedited for your viewing pleasure.




Before I became immersed in the lucrative, groupie-laden, glamorous world of sports journalism, I dabbled in government work, a career choice that afforded me a fair amount of insight into the often-depressing realities of dealing with the almost-always angry general public on a daily basis.

Even with that background, I never was fully prepared to deal with the hate mail that is virtually guaranteed to come your way as an Internet-era sportswriter. Thanks to the tribalism involved and inherent in pro sports, the level of vitriol and sheer rage displayed and conveyed by those whose technological savvy is limited to knowing where the “on” and “send” functions are located on their computer would send a shiver down the spine of even the most desensitized misanthrope.

I don’t mind angry criticisms from readers if they are creatively expressed. Unfortunately, a good chunk of emailers fall into the same old, staid, rhetorical traps that barely cause a mental ripple among seasoned hate mail recipients like yours truly, madly and deeply.

Therefore, in the hope of raising the level of feedback-related discourse for the upcoming season, I’m going to list a handful of the most-used, least-effective hate-mail techniques and demonstrate the complete absence of imagination and logic that goes into them.


1. The “So-Called Experts.”
An expert? Lil’ old moi? I don’t recall ever referring to myself in such a manner, but even if I did, the term “expert” doesn’t entail 100 percent accuracy in the field of predictions, nor does it assure me of being forever infallible in asserting or defending my theories or opinions.Don’t forget, Bob Goodenow was considered a labor-relations expert at one point, too. Anyway, if I’m an expert at anything, I’d like to think I’m an expert with the English language. If you don’t believe that, I kindly invite you to masticate my nates.


2. ‘Nuff Said.
I always wished anyone who used this line – and then usually went on to write a 650-word treatise on what they just claimed to have said enough about – would’ve thought it in their head and simply left it at that. Know what the universal symbol among intelligent people is for “nuff said?” A period! And I don’t mean 20 minutes of hockey.


3. I’ll Never Get Back The 10 Minutes Of My Life I Spent Reading That.
I’ll accept this one as legit if you can tell me exactly what part of your life you can get a redeemable refund for.


4. Do you even watch hockey? Alternate version: Have you even played hockey?
These two vapidities share something in common with the “so-called experts” putdown, because at the core of all three lies the assumption you must have played the game at an elite level to be able to comment on it. Indeed, that philosophy is held by a select, arrogant few in the NHL community. And that’s why anytime someone – like a handful of TV analyst/former player types I won’t name – looks down his nose at hockey writers for the sole reason they weren’t a former teammate or member of the NHLPA, I have to laugh.The day those ex-players (or for that matter, readers who don’t know their “you’re” from they’re “your”) show the capability of forming coherent, engaging thoughts with printed/typed words is the day I’ll believe they could do my job. The lesson: A little mutual respect will get you a long way in this business.


5. This Is The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read In My Life.
Honestly? Have you by chance flipped through Mein Kampf? Or Gary Bettman’s Guide to Scrutinizing Potential NHL Owners? Take it from a seasoned hyperbolist – even hyperbole has its limits.


6. Can I Have Some Of What You’ve Been Smoking?
This one isn’t limited to the sports world, but I’ve never quite understood the rationale behind it. On the one hand, you’re ridiculing one of my ideas by implying I was in some terribly altered state; but in the same breath, you’re telling me you found it interesting enough to request some of my stash. Can’t have it both ways, my friend!

It's about to pour so I might as well write another pointless blog...

One of our favorite things to do on this site is to bash ex rag, Sean Avery. Apparently, after doing such a fine job at Vogue, Avery also decided to continue his fashion exploits by dating Calvin Klein's ex-wife, Kelly Klein.

Apparently, she's 51 years old while Avery is 28. Hmm.. I don't know what to think about this. On one hand, Avery is a douchebag but on the other hand, I'm all about cougars.



rawr.


But I guess after dating Michelle Tanner, he might as well try the exact opposite and since Avery is no longer a Rag, I could finally ease up on him a little bit.

Ah well, here's to you Sean. You'd make the MILF guy in American Pie very happy.

Awful

There are very few times when I have very little to say but this video takes that notion to the test. I'm speechless. This is one of the many reasons I don't go Jersey unless bagels and lox are involved.

Top 5 moments of the Manny Ramirez era, as told by a Yankee fan

Look, as a Yankee fan, it's easy to look back upon the Manny Ramirez era with disgust, knowing that during Manny's tenure, they have taken away the Yankees' title as the class of Major League Baseball. That said, I enjoyed the Manny era. Without further ado, a Yankee fan's top 5 favorite moments of the Manny Ramirez in Boston Era:

1. He whose name we dare not mention's slightly inside pitch in the 2003 ALCS that created this brawl.

2. Manny's near home run, which Melky took away, jumpstarting Melky's Yankee career. Not to be confused with Melky's 2008 season, which may end Melky's career.

3. The Manny brainfarts. Too many to remember, whether it's becoming the cutoff man for Johnny Damon or massively screwing up a fly ball. Always a good time, even if none of these ever seemed to happen against the Yankees. Needless to say, part of the SUS intern's responsibilities will be finding videos of these moments that I'm too stupid/lazy to find.

http://ballhype.com/video/manny_ramirez_high_fives_a_fan_in_the_middle_of_a/

4. I'm not saying that having Manny Ramirez hit nearly .450 against us is a good thing, but at least it gave Yankee fans someone to truly hate on the Sox; like Lindros and Messier to Devil fans and The Killers to hard music fans above the age of 20, every good rivalry needs someone that really pisses them off. And call me crazy, but I can't quite get myself to hate Jason Bay...yet.

5. Manny taking off for two weeks every September because he felt the need for a vacation. Great for Yankee fans, devastating for Devo's Dumbasses

Trade Deadline Evaluations: The big moves in the days leading up to the Deadline and how each team made out

(1) ITS OVER ITS OVER MANNY RAMIREZ IS GOOONE, PRAISE THE LAWD!!!! TORRE AND MANNY TOGETHER AGAIN! BUT I DON'T CARE CAUSE MANNY IS OUTTTA HERE. Manny to the Dodgers, Jason Bay to Redsox, more random garbage to Buccos-


Dodgers A+- Wow. I should not be allowed to be this excited over a deal that does not involve the Yankees. I am sky high right now. The best right handed hitter of my lifetime, a Yankee killer and a truly great offensive player is now out of the Al East and into the AL West.

Red Sox D- Jason Bay? Reallllllly???? Wow. Jason Bay is an above average to good player. Manny Ramirez is a legend. This is one of the more lopsided exchanges by a contending team I have ever come across. If you think any Yankee pitcher is going to be scared to pitch to Jason Bay backing up Big Papi, you are smoking the good stuff. I cannot wait to intentionally walk Papi and pitch to Bay. Thank you Boston for insuring the Yankees will make the postseason this year.

Pirates C+- I am going to re-write this section because we now know the 4 players that are going to the Buccos- I do not think that reliever and St. Johns standout Craig Hansen will ever become more than a solid middle reliever and Brandon Moss seems destined for utility status. However, I hear good things about the two dodgers in the deal including Adam Larouche's brother and now infield mate Andy Larouche. So I guess I give the Dodgers group an A but the Redsox Group a D or so.

(2) Mark Texiera to Angels and Casey Kotchman to Braves-

Angels- A-- This is a very good move for the team that was already the hands down favorite to win it all. The Angels just added a very potent bat to an already solid but not dominant lineup. Now they're 3-5 looks like this 3) Guerrero 4) Texiera 5) Hunter. Wow. It already has an excellent rotation and an even better bullpen stewarded by dominant closer Fransisco "K-rod" Rodriguez. The only slight issue I have with this move is that Anaheim already had a solid all around 1b in Casey Kotchman and Mark Texiera is a free agent after the 2008 season. Unless the Angels win it all this year and/or resign the slugger and gold glove caliber 1b; this move may come back to bite them. However, it makes the Angels the hands down favorite to win it all this season.

(3) Yankees acquire Pudge Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth:

(A) Yankees B+- This was another very solid move by the much maligned (by me especially) Brian Cashman. The Yanks filled a glaring need in acquiring a respectable bat at the catcher position while still not losing much defensively when comparing Pudge to the now backup catcher Jose Molina. Pudge brings championship pedigree and most importantly lengthens the Yankee lineup as now it possesses only 1 easy out (Melky) in its starting 9.

(B) Tigers- B- This move is also a logical one for Dave Dambroski and the Tigers. Apparently Pudge has worn out his welcome in Detroit by, amongst other things, not attending pitcher meetings before the games. The Tigers acquire one of baseball's hottest pitchers in Kyle Farnsworth who has not allowed and earned run in over a month. However, the recent acquisition of Marte and the dominant pitching of change up specialist Edwar Ramirez makes Farnsworth and his expiring contract expendable.


(4) Ken Griffey Junior to the Chisox for Righty reliever Nick Masset and 2b Danny Richar-

WhiteSox- C- The Whitesox are returning to their 2005 form this season. They are getting solid starting pitching and have an excellent lineup featuring a career season from Carlos Quentin and the big 3 of Thome, Dye and Konerko. Nick Swisher, despite his poor batting average has a near 400 OBP and Yankee killer SS Orlando Cabrera (This guy seems to win every where he goes doesn't he?). The Sox acquisition of future first ballot Hall of Famer Ken Griffey Junior seems a bit curious to this blogger. They upgraded an area that did not need an upgrade and gave up talented young fire-baller Nick Masset and 2nd Danny Richar to do so. Seems to me they took away from an area they needed to at least stay the course with if not bolster (pitching) so that they could add to something that already was a strength for the team.

Hockey Fight 101

First off, let me say that Im glad to see that Jonathan Roy has the same attitude when getting his ass kicked as his father did. Pure, blind, rage at the world. This is obviously a classy kid (note the champion pose he strikes after the beating he lays down). I know everyone will take the beaten goalies side in this, but c'mon, does this kid have no self respect? You cant take a single swing back? He got worked like a 40 year-old hooker up at Hunts Point who was $50 short for the night. The video above is good, but the one here at ESPN is better. Keep a close eye on the screen after Roy does the takedown for the ref actually keeping another player from defending his goalie, and getting worked as well.

Yanks notes from your favorite Whiteboy: Thanks Buccos

You know, I was about to post about how I was wrong to prematurely right off the Yanks this year. They had just won 8 in a row and were in a loss column tie for the wild-card with the Sawx. However, leave it to this 2008 Yanks, the team of the streak, to just make you furious. Not only have they lost 2 straight after winning the previous 8, they did so in embarrassing fashion losing by a combined score of 22-6 to the Sawx and the terrible Orioles. With this fresh agitation in mind; here is what is on my Yankee fan mind........

(1) The trade for X-man and Marte was awesome- This trade, in which we gave up nothing, was the ideal trade for the 2008 Yankees. It filled its 2nd and 3rd most glaring need. They desperately needed a righty bat with some pop because the only power bat from the right side is Arod. We also needed a Ortiz-Crawford- specialist aka a lefty specialist. The Yanks have already reaped the benefits of this part of the trade as Marte struck out Papi swinging in a big spot during Sunday's 10-3 thrashing of the Sawx. However Nady is off to a very slow start only going 1 for his first 11.

(2) Most glaring need of adding a starter to the back end of the rotation however has not been addressed- The Yankees need to acquire Jarod Washburn. Despite his average numbers and that the BIG is not enamored with Washburn, the Yanks need to add a solid 4th starter to the rotation. The fact that he is a lefty hurler who would pitch at the stadium would only help matters. If the Yanks do acquire Washburn, this immediately solidifies our 1-4 in the rotation and 1-5 when Wang returns in September. Let Rasner and his bizzaro twin Sidney Ponson duke it out for the 5th spot.
.
(3) R.I.P. Jorge 2008 season- Yesterday was a rough day for Yankee fans. Yes, our favorite team lost 13-4 at home to the last place O's; but we also lost our beloved star catcher for the season to admittingly necessary shoulder surgery. Still, his potent switch hitting bat will be sorely missed as will his veteran leadership and his ability to call a game. However, his .0005% throwing out would be base stealer percentage will not be missed.

(4) Jeter I can't take your double plays anymore its killing me- Yesterday the Yanks had to suck up Mussina's first bad outing in over 2 months. He just did not have it from the get go. He had poor control and terrible location on all of his pitches. This allowed the mediocre Kevin Millar and Ramon Hernandez to hit absolute bombs to left and right center respectively to put the O's on top 4-0 in the 2nd. However, in the top of the 4th, after O's righty Jeremy Guthrie had retired the first 9 Yanks in order to start the contest, Damon leads off with a hard single to left. But thank G-d, Jeter hits into his daily double-play by hitting a hard grounder right to the 2nd baseman. Derek, IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HIT WITH ANY POWER AT ALL AND YOU ARE GOING TO HIT 285, YOU NEED TO SOMEHOW SWING UP MORE OR DO SOMETHING TO NOT HIT THE BALL ON THE GROUND RIGHT AT INFIELDERS, YOU ARE KILLING THIS FREAKING TEAM! I will always have a place in my heart for #2 but his play this year has been putrid I don't care what Michael Kay and his band of Yankee suck-ups say. Oy

Monday Night BSing with Mahatma!

SUS is still on vacation but don't worry!



Being the token asshole (uh I mean editor in chief whose not feverishly preparing for the bar exam) I figure it's my duty to keep this site going forward in the progressive nature we all intended during its inception. Let me bust out the ol computer and rock out.

So kids what time is it? Why IT's MONDAY NIGHT BULLSHITTING WITH MAHATMA.

Woohoo!

I saw Batman over the weekend and yea it's great. BH said "it's leave work right now and watch it great" and you know what I kindof agree mostly because I hate my job but hey that's all right!

Its still probably the best movie i've seen in theatres although I'd like to give a big FU to the Lowe's cinema at 32 and 2nd for having its audio crap out in the middle of one of the Dent/Gordon scenes. As a result, 32nd and 2nd Lowe's wins the Loser of the week award.



Ledger was out of this world but I gotta give props to Aaron Eckhardt too continuing the momentum from Thank You for Smoking although people say its more or less the same role.

Anyway back to Ledger, I saw ten things I hate about you over the weekend again also and its weird how a man that annoying in that could play the best villain in comic book history but such is life. Its sad because you figure Ledger would probably have been back in the 3rd movie in Nolan's trilogy. Anyway, once again great actor whose life was cut far too short.

Anyway on to more depressing things, like the Yankees acquiring Xman and Demaso Marte from the worthless excuse for a baseball franchise "the Pirates" for a metro card, meat on a stick, a yankee hat and a half eaten bag of pringles.

Sadly, the best trade in years for the Pirates. Being the person least knowledgeable about baseball on this, I figure it's my duty to report. Here's a picture to sum up my thoughts:
The guy on the right is the Pirates. The guy who also made this picture probably also works for the Pirates.

Litteraly....

On to other things:

I forgot to mention I saw this asshole at a bar that I frequent 2 weeks ago:



Boy where the hell did this guy go? Shouldn't he have been on the Surreal Life by now? Regardless, he had this hot chick on his arm which further proves that God hates us all.

Oh right we are a sports website. Well here's some more wacky nonsense that I found on rivals.com

I didn't want to get into football mode in July but alas I guess I have to.

I know what you are thinking Oh why doesn't this get adopted into the NFL. Thankfully, the rules of NFL football forbid such nonsense.

In the NFL, the rules won't allow this offensive philosophy, because it is based on the scrimmage kick rule in NFHS. The NFL has no such rule, and mandates 5 OL numbers on the LOS. Now, could you run a swinging gate..sure..if you want to get the QB killed.

The scrimmage kick rule in NFHS states that there are no specific rules as to who is an ineligible receiver (read:jersey number AND location on the LOS), as long as your "QB" is 7 yards deep minimum. This rule is in direct conflict with current NFL rules.

As for the old "reporting as eligible" thing, there is no such monster at the HS level. You cannot report as eligible in HS. The only way around that is: 1. have an eligible number, 2. be in a scrimmage kick formation. You can hand the ball off to an ineligible number (i.e. a lineman in at FB in power I), but he has to get possession of the ball behind the LOS. This would also work for screens as well, I believe. The ineligible number player in an eligible spot cannot catch the ball downfield I don't believe.

So, as you see, the A-11 takes advantage of NFHS rules, and would not fly in the NFL. Regardless its a fun video to watch.

Back to the NFL:

Thank god the Patriots have the easiest schedule in football. WTF. Tom Brady is Satan. Or maybe he's just a host like Gabriel Bryne was in End of Days?


Creepy.

Thank god the Gints won.