Sunday, August 17, 2008

Rejected Features of Madden 2009

Everyone is more than excited about EA Sports' Madden '09. In a match made in heaven, Madden’s own Brett Favre will appear on the cover to showcase his throwback Packer jersey. Hopefully, they'll quickly photoshop his Jets jersey on it.

Some features for the game include:
  • Play like a pro no matter what your skill level with the Adaptive Difficulty Engine that tailors your experience to suit your proficiency
  • Hone your skills in the Virtual Training Center, featuring a holographic environment designed to help you fine-tune your game
  • Execute plays and celebrations like never before with the Total Control Animation System that delivers the most authentic gameplay ever in the series
  • Receive customized feedback from EA Sports BackTrack to learn from your mistakes as you play and correct them so you can achieve total dominance on the field
  • Access stats, customized tips and in-game options without pausing the game and losing your momentum by using the new Options OnDemand Picture-in-Picture
  • Battle it out on the gridiron with up to 32 teams in Online Leagues, complete with trades and statistical tracking
But with every new feature that made the cut, a lot of features did not.

Thankfully, we were able to obtain that list because we are big time members of the sports media. That being said, here are the list of features that just missed the cut and likely be auditioning for spots in the CFL or NFL Europe games.


Here John would randomly draw circles on the screen and talk for 10 minutes about Brett Favre or about the grass of whatever stadium he’s in. Sadly, due to a programming glitch, this feature won’t make the cut.


Favre would toy with retiring and unretiring every off-season and than show up to training camp and than get traded. Favre would continue to do this until he is 50 because he still had that hunger.


When you run up the score on the Patriots in the 3rd quarter, Tedy Bruschi’s head pops out of your TV screen and immediately ingests steroids and amasses nearly 487549034 “hits” in only one quarter of football. Somewhere ESPN is jerking off.


In a shocking turn of events, the various members of the Bungles would be arrested in mid game. The game would even have the cops come on to the playing field and tackle the likes of Chris Henry, Odell Thurman, etc.


Sad to say this too was scraped. The idea was that whenever you were Peyton Manning you could actually act in whatever commercials you want. Hit X for redneck mode or hit B for awkward face mode. It’s all here baby! You could negotiate with 1000 various brands and than actually act out in the commercials and than play them on PeytonTV mode.

You know when an annoying fanbase cries about injuries or something, well the Madden development team had this solution. For years, people have been hitting the reset button to erase a bad injury. But if you have morals, you take that playoff loss and focus on the following season. In Madden 09, you can take away some sting from that defeat. If you're going into an AFC Championship game that you're sure to lose, activate the "Injury Excuse" feature. You can select which one of your players goes down, and combined with XBOX LIVE's or PS3's online message-board feature, you can gripe about it as your team gets served.


Much like Jaroid Allen and “Roidboy” Shawne Merriman, you too can be an overrated joke cheater and cheat your way to a sack title and than be lavished as a MONSTER despite missing 4 games and clearly still having roids in your system and get lavished to a new contract. Than the next season you can come back to earth with a measly 8-10 sack year but screw it you are still rich!


EA Sports wanted to bring the realism of the NFL right to your living room.
In Madden 09, the "One-and-Done" mode is past beta stages and ready for stores on August 12th!

Battle your way through a season with the Dallas Cowboys and lose in your first game!
After a couple years of first game exits, you can unlock the two-and-done feature or as we like to call it “Bill Cowhard” Mode.


New crowd dynamics create the most lifelike crowds.

Now with new accurate attendance numbers, play games at Dolphin Stadium and the Georgia Dome in front of an half-empty arena!

Playing games in Oakland? Watch as security escorts multiple Legion of Doom Shoulder pad Neanderthals out in handcuffs!

When the Patriots start losing again watch as the biggest Pat “diehards” all magically vanish!


New Choke meter in games causes even the most hyped up superstars to perform at the very worst for when going gets tough. This was to be the biggest feature in Madden 09 but was scrapped when Madden wanted Favre on the cover. Sadly, we will wait until 2010 when Tony H. Romo and Carson “Game Clinching Turnover” Palmer would be the first ever dual cover athletes as new choke mode unveils!


devo said...

Also not included:

Shockey mode: Treat your players like the stars that they are only to have the stars create a glitch in the console system that prevents you from playing Madden without various glitches that make everyday game play impossible. The only way to fix the glitch is to trade the player to New Orleans, Miami or some other city where the team is secondary to the surrounding city. This mode also includes Roy Williams' awareness being lowered 50 points.

White Boy South Bronx said...

Also not included II:

National Media vs Local Media grudge match mode: The battle for Farve

Instead of the pro-bowl at the end of the season; given that Farve is on the cover, local sports radio hosts and writers team up to bash Farve as they strap on the helmets and face off against the national Farve worshipping media. Tony Kornhiser wears the captain's C for the National group where as the recentley unemployed Chris "Mad-dog" Russo QB's the local media group. Instead of game play mode however, you type either really obnoxious and racist things about latin baseball players while killing Farve for being a pri madonna (if you play on offense for Russo's Local Media team) or type incredibly hyperbolic and over the top statements about Farve like "he is the best competitor of all time" or "he is a gun-slinger" while at the same-time criticizing Mcnabb for taking too many chances if you play as the NFL national media. In this on-line game, the better job of impersonating the two groups of media has the successful play.

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