Sean Avery: Douchebag Part II

Our Director of Societal Research, BH, forwarded around this flaming piece about our newest douche of the month, Sean Avery. Why BH wasn't helping the fine people of Park Slope with their hardware needs is another question. Moreover, why he was ogling Women's Daily is yet another story for another time but the sheer lunacy of this article is too ginormous for the staff to ignore our journalistic responsibilities.

The responses among the SUS staff were to put it bluntly what was expected.

Devo: "Know how I know Sean Avery's gay?"

BH: "That was the gayest thing I've ever read... anal sex between men isn't that gay."

Yinzer: "Douche"

White Boy: * Crickets *

Sean Avery continues to go above and beyond the call of duty in the douche category. While one ponders Avery's new career choice, it becomes easier to imagine what exactly Avery said to Brodeur that set him off. Obviously, Avery pointed out that Marty's socks weren't matching his jersey.

In the next round of the playoffs, will Avery be telling Daniel Briere that Orange isn't the new Black or Sidney Crosby that his peach fuzz doesn't bring out his eyes? Perhaps we have found the one true reason that Avery is the ultimate pest. I mean come on. Don't you just hate it when someone says something negative about your wardrobe?

The echoes of this will reverberate through out the league. How can guys take this fashionista seriously now? I mean come on it's like getting shit from your sister now. Most will likely laugh it off and tell Avery that blue makes his ass look huge or that his black nail polish clashes with his Rag jersey. Some will choose to simply punch Avery in his brand new Sephora, tangerine-flavored lip gloss.

For the record, the potential to have Sean Avery work under you is tremendous. This might provoke me to apply to a job at Vogue just for the sake of having Avery be an underling. Not only would it be a true treat to have this wanker give me coffee and make me color copies, but how glorious would it be to boss this guy around? Hey Sean, go walk the company dog. Hey Sean go arrange for the car to pick me up. The possibilities are truly endless.

Avery clearly feels that a career in the fashion industry would follow his true passion but can he put in the time necessary to show the fashion officiandos that he can make it in their cut throat business? Does he have the cajones to sew and fold like the best of them? Can he be the hip trend setter that all 13 year girls aspire to be? This all remains to be seen. We here at SUS wish best of luck to Sean. We hope he can the use the experience he acquires at Vogue and move on to his true desire: Being the next panelist for Queer Eye. You are almost there Sean keep up the good work. I'm sure Rag fans everywhere are proud.