Angry White NFL Pregame Critic

Props to Chris "Nobel Prize Laureate" Berman for this gem: "By the end of the day some teams could also find themselves victorious."

And I'll go one step further and say that the percentage of teams to find themselves victorious will probably be somewhere between 49% and 51%. Thanks for the insight Boomer, now find some way to give me the two minutes of my life back that was spent listening to your drivel. When I was younger, I was always angry that I had to be in hebrew school during NFL pregame shows. Then I turned 18, and spent those precious hours before kickoff sleeping off hangovers.

Today, upon waking up at a reasonable due to a lack of drinking last night, I had an epiphany: I need to start drinking more so that I can avoid NFL pregame shows. (Or at least get a hobby. But drinking seems easier and less thought-intensive.) There's a reason that I loved NFL pregame shows when I was in middle school: those shows clearly spoke to my 6th grade level of intelligence!

And don't get me started on the CBS and FOX "LOUD NOISES!" Pregame shows.