Friday, December 26, 2008

SUS Recyles the Best of 2008, Brooklyn Hillbilly Edition

We at SUS like to think of ourselves as two things: 1) lazy and 2) um, let me see....ah hell, we're really just lazy. As such, we're taking the Christmas to New Years period to show our new readers what they may have missed over the last year in a segment we like to call SUS RECYCLES THE BEST OF 2008.

Here, BH reminds us of the D-Wade/Star Jones relationship, because he's a firm believer in the "If my holiday is going to blow, yours should too" school of thought. Without further ado, from May 2, 2008:

We've all been there. You're at the bar around closing time or at a party that's winding down with some smooth music. You're having a drunken conversation(shouting match) with your boys, or are chatting up a fine 'lil chiquita. You notice out of the corner of your eye another of your buddies drunkenly, sloppily, making out with-IS THAT A MAN!? Everyone does a double take. No, its not a guy, it is a horrendously ugly woman. So grotesque that there is no humor in letting him go home with her to wake up to a terminal case of coyote arm. The "woman" in question probably looked something like this:

The shame of this kind of hook-up can never be washed off, and you could never look your boy in the eye again, knowing you failed him in your manly duty. When on the hunt, men have to look out for each other, it is a solemn obligation to prevent each other from making major mistakes. In caveman times, when a tribe went out hunting, the group wouldn't let a hunter go off by himself to eat an obviously sick, elderly and disease-ridden animal when there was healthier prey available, they worked together. And todays hunting grounds are no different. A "cockblock" is usually a bad thing, thrown by a jealous friend of the shorty you are conversing with who isn't getting enough attention or by said shorty's 6'6" 350lb boyfriend. Well, that second one is a cockblock or Aggravated Assault, depending on how many stitches you need. Regardless, sometimes a man needs to throw a cockblock to prevent a bad situation (buddy leading off second base) from getting worse (RBI and a lifetime of regret).

Now, if you haven't figured out yet, this post is directed at Dwyane Wade. Ive heard some nasty rumors about this nominally married man and who has been picking him up at the American Airlines Arena after home games. Evidently he and the skeeze known as Star Jones have been seeing a lot of each other lately. D-Wade's pathetic denial on TNT makes it pretty clear that something is going on. (Editor's note: the youtube of this has been taken down. Oops.)


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