Well it’s time for the end of the year holiday’s and that means one thing: presents. It doesn’t matter what holiday it is in what religion, be it Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, ChristmasHanaKwanzakah, or some other funky holiday, we get gifts. Me, I’m a fan of Festivus, because it’s for the rest of us.
We all have our lists, and when it comes to sports it’s no different. Now I know it’s tempting just to say “I want the championship” or “I want this team to fail” but that’s too easy. We’re going for more subtle things. So without further adieu, I present to you (in no particular order):
Yinzer’s Festivus List.
1) Bruce Arians Euthanized/A new Offensive Line for the Steelers
He’s been a coach journeyman for a reason. The man refuses to use plays that work and play to his players strength, instead keeps using plays that go nowhere repeatedly. All the last minute drives the Steelers score on to win have been called by Ben. Yet somehow the Steelers haven’t seen fit to let Ben just call the plays period. This man is an idiot, to the point he ranks up as “Euthanize” on my “Needs to Go” levels. I’d also like an offensive line that doesn’t let the QB get killed every two plays. Half of them are free agents, let them be free.
2) A wing for Sidney Crosby
Of course, Sid has asked for this for a few years too, and the last (and only) good one he had bolted in free agency. He’s stuck with guys who can barely finish and can’t create anything on their own. He can still dominate, but just imagine if he actually had good players to help him on a regular basis?
3) The Yankees to Sign Everyone
As it’s been well documented Yinzer hates baseball. As you’ve probably figured out, I also hate Boston teams, in particular because their fans are unbearable on nearly every level. And so the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and who is the enemy of the big spending, buy a championship Red $ox? The team they modeled themselves after: the Yankees. So if the Yankees buying up any free agent with a name pisses off the $ox fans, then so be it.
4)The Media to finally say Belichick isn’t good at coaching, just good at cheating.
Yeah, no real explanation needed here. I mean if a guy who hasn’t played since high school can step into the NFL and succeed as well as one of the “greatest QB’s ever “ doesn’t scream “cheat” I don't know what else does.
5) Tiger Woods to admit he 's a pansy
At least six months recovery to try and play golf again? Golf? It’s fucking golf! Hockey players play this in the off season after being beaten up six plus months straight. My god. Nike should just give you a pink tutu to wear on the course.
6) A real announcing crew for Penguins games
The combination of Paul Steigerwald and Bob Errey is unbearable. They attempt to be cute and funny but are just plain idiots. Most the time they can’t even get right which team the penalty is on. And this is after the goalie has come out of the net and the one team carrying the puck. I actually mute half the games anymore because every time they say something dumb I can’t stand it. If I made a drinking game of it, I’d drink myself to death in the first period.