The Day the Boston haters died: A diary of the monstrosity that was the Game 4 performance of Kobe Bryant and the Lakers

8:55pm: I am already becoming angry white boy as I see some kind of biblical passage flash on the big screen before the Lakers starters are introduced. I am as die-hard a sports fan as anyone on this blog or anywhere else; but it is more than a little absurd that words like courageous, brave and heroes are used when discussing athletes other than Jackie Robinson, Roberto Clemente and Ted Williams. Making a jump shot over two defenders is not an example of courage or bravery, just a great athletic play. Oy

9:00: NBA blatantly rips off Knicks jumbo-tron highlight clip-show where they show Patrick and Starks and LJ"s 4 point play and instead insert great clips of NBA finals past. Worst of all, they belittle the very franchise they ripped this off from by showing Tim Duncan destroy the aforementioned LJ in the paint during gone of the middle 3 games of the 1999 NBA Finals. Sadly, this makes me happy the same way Reggie's last game at the Garden made me happy, it reminds(ed) me that the Knicks were once relevant in the NBA.

9:08: Mark Jackson is clearly trying desperately to get a coaching job as he takes any chance he can get to critique/praise any minute coaching decision such as calling the first play of the game for a struggling Lamar Odom so as to "Un-confuse" his big man. Although Jackson might be right, I will view any comment he makes about a coach as an attempt to impress onlooking NBA GM's.

9:09: Pierce with early air-ball. Good to see. "Us" die-hard Lakers fans need him to suck. And thats promptly followed by a Ray Allen shot that barely grazes the backboard. Great signs a whopping 103 seconds into the game.

9:12: Why are Laker fans chanting MVP when Bryant already has won the award? Ugh I hate rooting for the same team as these Hollywood frauds. Boston hate will make you do some strange things.

9:15: Apparentley I should have been less skeptical of Jackson's comments. Odom move paying ealry dividends as he has 6 points on 3-3 shooting. Why is Jesus guarding Kobe?(no not that jesus, though I'm not sure he could guard Kobe either). Make that 4-4 16-6 with 8 minutes to go in first time out Boston !! MY LAKERS!!!!! (!!!= the sound of Whiteboy Clapping)

9:22: White boy Senior enters. 20-6 this is awesome! 24-7!!!!!!!!! this is crazy. Sr. says, "this is just like watching a hockey game, Randmanovich, Vujacic" .

9:30: Phil Jackson is greatest coach ever. He motivates his players better than any coach I have seen. Odom is now 6-6. 26-7.

9:35: The ex-Knick Trevor Ariza comes in and makes 1 of 2 but some white guy makes a 3 and its now 35-14 at the end of one. Jeff Van Gundy makes a great poing that "Doc Rivers can't be happy" Thanks Jeff. As a sidebar, how many more NBA Finals do I need to see ex knicks in. Mohammed, Mcdyess, now Ariza, I'm not saying we are cursed but if Steve Francis is in the finals next year I'm , as Devo would say "Calling Bullshit."

9:41: Former Knick killer Sam Cassell enters, is he the Celts human white flag? 37-14 this game might be over.

9:45: Ariza is putting on a hustle clinic, good thing we gave him up for the aforementioned Steve Francis a bastion of hard work and intensity.

9:52: Jeff Van Gundy asks "if anyone is funnier than Kevin James I wnat names". Sr. and I instantly come up with Larry David, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams. Oh its now 45-21 about which is about the time you start talking more about the announcers than the game itself.

9:58: Okay this is an unreal statistic. The Lakers despite being up 45-21 have only gotten 3 points and a startling 0 fg from Bryant. He does have 6 assists but still.

10:00: I beat Mark Jackson to the point that Phil Jackson called a great timeout here after the C's go on moderate 5-0 run. Nobody calls smarter and more perfectly placed time outs than Phil.
10:04: now its down to 45-33 if Celtics cut this to 10 or less by halftime thats an awful sign for the Lakers.

10:08: whfew back up to 17 50-33. Emphatic dunk by Gasol.

10:14: 54-39 with free throw coming after gasol makes a layup and is fouled. 9.1 seconds to go if they keep it at 16 thats big. Never-mind a foul very far from the ball though Rondo misses ft. JORDAN FARMAR!! big running 3 point jumper in lane 58-40!! great ending to half. Okay yanks till 2nd half. I'll spare you my random outbursts about Yanks bad situational hitting for another post. See you in 20 minutes.

10:42- quick 8-2 run for Boston to start half this could be an interesting quarter. Sr. fears that this game is now "in the danger zone" oh yea he bet on the Lakers.

10:43- But a quick 6-0 LA run scratches that idea. Kobe has his first 2 fgs of the game here in 2nd half. Hopefully that augers well for LA (if you don't know what auger means I'm sorry I'm a doctorate student and I don't apologize for using it)

10:46: Timeout Boston!! 68-48 LA. "I love LAaaa, I loveee it". I hate myself.

10:54: 7-0 run for Boston 70-57 with 435 t0 go in 3rd. Lets see if this is another generic run by an NBA team or if C's can pull within single digits.

10:56: 256 remaining in 3rd and now the lead is down to 11 72-61 LA this game is now very much in play. Oy vey.

11:03: Pierce just made an amazing "rip through" move, thanks jeff for that term, and 1. with this free throw its now a single digit game 73-64 LA.

11:05: We have an amber alert on the Lakers its now only a 6 point lead 73-67 with under 1 minute to go in 3rd.

11:07: I sit with my mouth wide open its now a 73-71 LA lead. An amazing comeback. This would be one of the all time single game choke jobs in a Finals game if this holds up.

11:14: The fix is in! Pierce breathes on Kobe and is called for offensive foul. sweet. Too bad Lakers can't score or get a defensive board.

11:16: Tie Game truly sickening.

11:17: If Sr. says that Pierce is better than Kobe one more time I"m going to.... well nothing cause he is my dad but its pissing me off.

11:25: whfew back up to 4 Kobe is finally asserting himself. For those of you scoring at home and who doesn't score basketball games? That is now 5-17 for the league MVP and a guy I basically called G-d in my finals preview article (G-d= Jevoah, Adonai, His/Her holyness) under 6 minute tv timeout.

11:29: Pau Gasol! a leaner in the lane Lake show back up 3.

11:31: Celtics have lead 84-83 and now have ball back on a turnover. Kobe is choking his team is choking. This is a horror show.

11:35: This is one of the most shocking sporting events I have ever watched. The Lakers are up 5 now with barely 2 minutes to go. Mad props to the C's they deserve this title.

11:40: Pierce shooting two up 3 with 1:44 to go. This game appears done. But as i say that pierce misses ft and makes second. 4 point lead . Kobe makes layup 2 point game.

11:43: In good news Matsui hit a grand slam in Oakland and its 4-1 Yanks. But I don't even care too much right now because I hate the Celtics too much. 3 point lead 46.8 to go Kobe is all over Pierce but is overaggressive and keeps fouling him very far from the basket. Kobe really looks lost out there. I'm as shocked to be seeing is it as I am to be typing it. Pierce Makes both 94-89 Boston.

11:46: game is over Allen takes it down to final seconds of shot clock and makes layup 5 point lead 16.5 to go. I congratulate the 5 real die-hard Celtics fans that went to games last year. The rest of you can go watch my Giants DVD. I live at..... Okay I won't give my address but you can email me and I'll give you my address there. I'll give you some popcorn and giants towels to cry into. 18-1 forever.

11:52: Oh yea, I'm the asshole, I thought this would be Kobe's coming out party. Instead it is a showcase for the greatness of Paul Pierce. I thought that the Celtics would need Pierce to outplay Kobe to have any chance in this series and he has. But he has outplayed him so much more than I ever thought possible that I am left flabbergasted. But don't worry critics, I WAS WRONG, I PREDICTED THIS SERIES WRONG. Hope that appeases whomever is reading this article.

Dear Plax, Do What You Gotta Do

A contract is a sacred thing. It binds two parties such that one performance binds another party to perform. In the instant case, Plaxico agreed to play for the Giants and the Giants agreed to pay Plaxico $5 million per year. This is less than other wide receivers, but the important thing is that this is what Plaxico agreed to. Had Plaxico signed the contract under duress (either your name or your brains on the paper) then he would not be held to the contract. But no, Plaxico was well informed of what he was getting himself into. He should be forced to honor the contract, no?

Nope. If this were baseball, basketball, or even the sport formerly known as hockey, he should be forced to honor his contract. After all, NBA, NHL, and MLB players will get their money no matter how little they play. (See Pavano, Carl) But in the NFL, where the owners have the right to deny players their benefit of the bargain (except for signing bonuses) Frankly, as annoying as it can be for fans, there's no reason for any of these players to not hold out and get what should be theirs, because they could be out of a job within hours if they're not performing. And granted, they're not exactly in need of a welfare case worker, but still, do unto others as they would do unto you. Do what you gotta do Plax.

A Few Mets Points,because apparently MissMet, SHMUCK, Merloni, BH and Yinzer are having a party and I wasn't invited

-Michael Kay, on his radio show, made the point that only Yankee fans really like Willie Randolph and want to see him keep his job. Mets fans will be happy to see him go, as he never really grew on them. Way to defy the odds Michael and make a good point. Didn't know you had it in you.

-Ron Darling said something last night that bothered me. In reference to some pitcher throwing a good game and getting an RBI, he basically said, "It's like in little league when you throw 5 great innings and get hits every time up." Way to relate to the common man, Ron. Allah knows that I'm not the most talented athlete in the world, but I don't think that's happened to me since T-Ball when I'd go the whole game without striking out and make a miraculous catch. You saying that is like me saying "yeah, it's just like when you bang 3 Playboy bunnies in one night." Sure, obviously I can and have done it. But is it really possible for the Ron Darlings of the world? Not likely.

I Was Waiting to Write Again Till the Mets Won...

...which they did last night (barely). Unfortunately, they lost in 10 to Arizona this afternoon, so my happiness was short-lived. During this horrendous stretch against the Padres and the Diamondbacks, the Mets have lost 6 of their last 7. Four of those games were lost by one run. Five of those games were lost in the later innings. After two straight days of great (if not practically flawless) starting pitching from Pelfrey and Santana, the bullpen has screwed it up. Last night, Billy Wagner gave up a game-tying home run in the top of the 9th, with Beltran saving his ass in the 13th. Today, aided by so-so pitching from Joe Smith in the 8th and Wagner's 3rd straight implosion, the Mets aren't looking too hot.
As a fan, I can speak for a lot of us who are just feeling like the wind is out of our sails. After the awful series against the Padres and the weird game (complete with a tornado) on Tuesday night against the D-Backs, it just seemed like things were swinging back in our favor during Pelfrey's outing. Both the SNY guys and the WFAN guys were high on Pelfrey. He pitched well against the Ace Brandon Webb. He actually OUT pitched him, which says a lot. There was a shut out and he even got his first hit of the season. When Willie left him in to hit in the top of the 8th, I thought that he even might get a complete game.
Once the 9th started, Pelfrey was ready to go. Then, he gave up a lead-off single. As if he had springs in his cleats, out popped Willie Randolph from the dugout. The fans booed, but I understood where he was coming from. It was a nice outing, but let's not get carried away. Give the ball to the closer and end this thing. Oh, if only it were that easy. Ever. Before we all (including poor Mike Pelfrey) knew it, the god damn game was tied. A practically perfectly pitched ballgame- ruined. Morale went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows from Flushing to Jersey and back. Once Beltran won it with a walk-off home run 4 1/2 innings later, most fans were happy and even a few were jubilant. Others were just relieved that they had pulled that one out.
Back to today's game. I for one thought that it would be kind of easy. I was expecting to turn on my car on my way home from work to find the Mets winning, which is exactly what happened. Then, on my way home from my second job, things had gotten a bit stickier. Smith had given up two in the 8th and the Mets had failed to score on some golden opportunities (what else is new?) in the bottom of the inning. So, come on in, Billy. Give up hits and walks to load the bases with no outs. Let the tying run score from 3rd on a very close play that would have gotten the final out at second. That is part of what is so frustrating. How many times have they come this close to eking out a win or a scoreless inning with everything bad happening at the very last minute. I just don't get it.
What I do get is that this past week has been ugly and I don't know what can be done to make things better.
WTF
Also, to add more shit to this pile, Moises Alou was back from the DL for 3 (three) at bats and one game (which he did not play in) before he was sent there for the 3rd time this season. I feel awful for him, but it kinda makes me want to throw up.
~MissMet
Oh also, in the above picture, Mr. Met has turned to food in times of struggle. Apparently, he's a stress-eater.

RIP

I puked outside there once or twice.

A few thoughts while putting out an Amber Alert on the rest of the SUS staff

GIANTS STUFF

-So Shockey is in minicamp but Plax is holding out? Is this some sort of relay race? Shockey starts it out strong! Hands to Plax, who reports to camp right as Pierce holds out, taking the baton from Plax. And finally, Shockey takes the baton back as he demands to be traded the day that Pierce reports to camp! What a relay!

No but seriously, it's good to see Shockey back with the team. Anyone who thinks that the Giants are better with out Shockey is clueless. (And more importantly, doesn't have a mancrush on the man like certain slightly biased bloggers.) And Plax wants more money? My guess is that his performance last year while destroying his knees has to take a few years off of his career. That said, no one on the Giants earned a raise more than Plax. And apparently Reese & Co. have some money to play with now that Strahan is done.

Oh, and Plax not practicing? Well I'm not a superstitious man, but he didn't practice last year. And the season seemed to end alright.


THE NBA

R.I.P

You had a good run, but alas, you were the first professional sport since MLB nearly 90 years ago to have gambling completely, thoroughly, and more importantly, publicly infiltrate the game. And Babe Ruth aint walking through that door.

My dad has been predicting a moment like this in one of the 3 major sports or hockey for the last 5 years. He's not the only person to come up with this, but he's been pretty emphatic about it. Needless to say, since the new Donaghy allegations came out yesterday, he's been walking around with the sort of swagger that Dubya would have strolling out to a press conference after finding thousands of nukes in Iraq.

Let's hope that Sen. Specter shows some willingness to correct a problem that doesn't involve a Pa. team.

The sad thing? More likely than not, the only thing separating the NBA from the NFL, MLB, and NHL? The dudes in the NBA got caught. Too much money is on the line for these games for this not to have compromised all 3 major sports. And hockey.

Lets Playyy, which NY Baseball teaammm suuuucks mooooore (cue applause and cheesy game show music)

Both New York Teams have been impressively mediocre so far. The Yanks, after today's awe inspiring 3-2 loss to the Royals are back to 500 and the Mets, after a stellar 2-5 road trip are now 2 games under. Given that both teams have an off day and both have about 100 games to turn around their seasons, here is a breakdown position by position of which NY team is more mediocre.
(Worse player is the 'winner' at each positition. Though there are no winners in this comparison.)

1st base- This one is no contest. Jason Giambi has been red hot the last 2 weeks raising his average to respectability as his on base percentage creeps towards .400 and his power numbers begin to resemble the Giambi of old. Carlos Delgado still sucks. He can't hit a fastball and his defense is at best as poor as Giambi's. Furthermore, he is emblematic of the Met's blase, indifferent, and disinterested approach to playing the game of baseball. He has made several mental errors in the field and his sub .220 average makes him less than a major league starter at this point in his career. THE WINNER: Carlos Delgado

2nd base- This one is somewhat tricky. Luis Castillo receiving a 4 year contract is not quite as pathetic as the Giant's signing of Barry Zito, but it is pretty laughable. The guy has zero power and does not get on base enough to truly utilize his speed. His balky knees and lack of productivity in the 2 hole hurts the Mets chances of getting David Wright an opportunity to drive in early runs. However, he has good speed overall, plays sparkling defense and his switch hitting is a plus. Robinson Cano has had a terrible season so far. His 230 average does not even do justice to his immature and impulsive approach at the plate. He swings at way too many first pitches and when he doesn't, he inevitably chases a third strike out of the zone. He has been brutal in clutch situations as he has only accrued 20 RBI's even though he is surrounded by guys who are often on base. Although I am not a Castillo fan, Cano's overall play this year has belied the fact that he is in fact a career .300 hitter and his poor play has really hurt the Yankees chances of putting together any kind of winning streak. THE WINNER: Robinson Cano

Shortstop: This is an interesting debate. Both guys have underperformed this year. Jeter is hitting well under .300 and Reyes has seemingly taken many days off despite being in the lineup and playing on said days. Jeter can't afford to hit under .300 if he can't get more than a single and Reyes can't afford to play poorly because he is the Met's spark-plug, most important player, and most talented player. Reyes has all of the physical tools to be a perennial gold glover but makes too many mental errors. Jeter has all the savvy to continue to play the position but his complete lack of range and tendency to throw the ball away has made him a real liability at short. However, because Reyes is the Mets most talented and most important player, his inconsistent play wins him the award in this category: THE WINNER: Jose Reyes

Third Base: This is also a fascinating comparison because neither has really been disappointing. Wright's average is a little below what you want from your three hitter. He has never been a great defensive player. But Wright is a phenomenal hitter. He has power to all fields and has the chance to be a hall of fame player based on his offensive prowess alone. However, he has to take on the leadership role on this team even if he is younger than the more chatty vets like Billy Wagner (more on that fuck in a minute). A-rod's only problem this year, besides his horrendous numbers with runners in scoring position, is the fact that he had his first DL stint ever. His absence really destroyed the Yankees offense and I am not certain the Yanks can even climb back in the race because of the games the Yankees gave up during his absence (a horrible rotation won't help those chances either). I guess, because neither of these guys has done anything to merit a "this guy sucks" label, I will call this a draw : The WINNER: Nobody. You both cool with me

Centerfield- Melky Cabrera busted out of the gate this season. He was on pace to blast 30 plus home runs through the first month of the season and this seemed like more than enough offensive from a very good defensive player. However, Melky is still stuck at 6 long balls and has developed a horrible habit of swinging and making outs at first pitches. If a guy is not going to be a power hitter, he needs to be patient enough at the plate to allow the runners on base to run and to help run up a starting pitcher's pitch-count. Beltran is probably the most overrated player in the game though I am not sure by who. Met fans can't stand him and I don't blame them. He is too sensitive for New York and despite technically having 5 tools, he isn't outstanding at any one of them. He plays too deep in centerfield and he never even threatens a .300 BA. Even in the year he almost won MVP, his home batting average was under .250. Because Beltran is supposed to be a more important offensive cog in the Met's lineup than Melky is for the Yanks lineup, I give the nod to Beltran here THE WINNER- Carlos Beltran

Corner Outfield: This is no contest, Matsui, Damon and Abreu have been great this season for the Yanks. They have hit for average, driven in runs and all have excellent On Base Percentages. The Mets corner outfield has been an unmitigated disaster this season. Church has been great but he is suffering from Eric Lindros disease and who knows when/if he comes back this season. Moises Alou, was scheduled to come off the DL today but he tore his ACL washing the dishes. Okay so that is not true, but would you honestly be shocked if you read this on espn.com in the next 25 minutes? Endy Chavez is a fun guy to watch but hes a poor man's Joey Gathright. Winner- Mets

Catcher: This category will also not yield a winner. Jorge has been hurt for almost half of the season to this point and Brian Schneider has also missed significant time with various ailments. Schneider seems to have worked out better than fans had hoped and Jorge has already hit a dramatic game tying home run in the 9th during Saturday's 12-11 win vs the Royals. WINNER- To be determined

Rotation: Both Rotations have been disappointing. The Mets prized off-season acquisition of Santana has worked out fairly well so far but it hasn't worked out quite as well as I and most others expected it too. Santana's 7-4 record is solid but you would expect better from the game's best pitcher in the watered down NL. However, the real problem for the Mets has been enigmatic Oliver Perez. Oliver Perez seems kind of like the Eli Manning of the Mets. He pitches great in big games but has the tendency to really inexplicably suck against inferior competition. John Maine has continued his ascension to all star status but Mike Pelfrey has only pitched well against the Dimitri Young and (Sox legend) Willie Mo Pena led Washington Nationals. If Pedro can pitch more like he did in San Fransisco Tuesday (6 innings 3 ers) and less like he did Sunday at San Diego (5ip, 4er) then he might give the Mets a solid 1,2,3 and take the burden off a collapsing Perez.

Now, deep breath Whiteboy............ The Yankees rotation is a complete and utter mess. Mike Mussina has been fantastic this season. He has an under 4 era and is 9-4. That sounds great right? Add to this the fact that Daryl Rasner has also been great fashioning an under 3 era in his 7 starts. The problem is.... WANG AND PETTITE HAVE BEEN AN UMITIGATED HORROR SHOW! Wang, after going 6-0 in April has been atrocious, not registering a single quality start in over a month. Pettite has been amongst the AL's worst pitchers over this same time period. Pettite reached the apex of awfulness Saturday allowing 10 ers to the freakin Royals. Joba should stabilize this staff once he his diapers are taken off and he actually pitches 6 plus innings. Still, with the return of Pedro for the Mets and the scary bad pitching of Wang and Pettite, the Mets rotation looks more promising than the Yanks pitching staff. Oh yea, the experiment of trying to rebuild the starting staff with Kennedy and Hughes has been somewhere between humiliating and nauseating (even though those two terms are not on the same continuum).
THE WINNER: THE Yankees

Bullpen: Both Pens are kind of similar now that Joba has joined the rotation for the Yanks. Both have excellent closers (though only one is great) and mediocre middle relief. Rivera, despite a terrible weekend vs the Royals has been un-hittable most of the season this season despite having less hair than some of our folliclly challenged staff (not me, I got the brown curls and Jew Fro working) and being on the wrong side of 35. Billy Wagner as usual puts together great stats but chokes in games the Mets really need to win. I'm sure every Met fan saw what happened on Sunday so I shan't rehash it here. The Mets probably have a stronger rest of the pen however. Duaner Sanchez and Pedro Feliciano are solid setup men while Farnsworth is a horrible 8th inning pitcher and Jose Veras is not yet proven he can be relied upon in that spot. Edwar Ramirez could use his changeup as the key to becoming the Yank's lefty specialist (this despite the fact that he is right-handed) because of the tailing action his changeup has away from lefty bats. The Mets have a good lefty in Feliciano but they have a head-case in Aaron Heilman. If the Mets avoid using him in the late innings of close games, their pen will be fine. However, I also think the Yanks pen will stabilize once they invoke the FarnsVerMO plan I previously advocated for. Overall, the Yanks pen has to be favored as the stronger one as it is anchored by the legend himself.....

THE WINNER is: The Mets

Overall: The Mets offense is what is killing them while the Yankees starting pitching is killing them. The Mets go in prolonged stretches of strong play and then sink back to mediocre play while the Yankees seem to more closely resemble a standard 500 team winning 2 then losing 2 and winning 3 then losing 3. Both Managers have made a lot of mistakes this year but Willie has had this same group for 4 years and should have figured out a better way to communicate with, utilize, and motivate them by now. The Mets offense and the Yankees pitching are not good enough to get them into the playoffs. However, given the lofty expectations put upon the Mets once they acquired Santana, I think the suckstastic champion must be the Mets given their losing record.

THE WINNER is: The Mets

What a Difference a Year Makes: Michael Strahan Tribute Pt. 2

I wish I were Michael Strahan. Or Ken Daneyko. Both of these guys were able to leave the field of play as champions. In Strahan's case, there's absolutely no reason to come back. He has achieved everything he possibly can in the sport. To paraphrase Brian Kenny from earlier today on 1050, uh, maybe you want to come back to win a Super Bowl? (Nah, 18-1 says hi.) Well maybe one more year and the network heads will offer you a pre-game studio spot. (Are you kidding me? He had this locked up years ago.) Well maybe you want the Giants' sack record? (Got that too.) Well maybe you want to come back and prove your hall of fame credentials? (Again, he had that years ago.) You can make a lot of money. (What's the point when it all goes to the wife?)

Strahan has accomplished nearly everything that one can hope to accomplish in the game of football. He leaves a winner, as one of New York's sports heroes. A man who was once a great individual player whose performance seemed to be inversely proportional to his team has brought Giant fans their first championship in what feels like an eternity. Now he joins the likes of Messier, Namath, Reggie, and Frazier; guys who can wear swastikas on their arms and still get a hero's welcome in New York.

As one of the bigger Giant fans in this area who is driving the train that's being tailgated by the bandwagon, allow me to be one of the many in this town to say thank you Mike, for returning the Giants to their rightful place as Super Bowl Champions. May you have a relatively alimony-free retirement.

The Strahan Legacy: What a Difference a Year Makes, Pt. 1

Very few professional athletes have changed their legacy by prolonging their retirement by one season like Michael Strahan. To illustrate this, we're going to give you two Strahan tributes: 1 had he retired before last season, and one for his current retirement.

Part 1: A Michael Strahan "Tribute" following a retirement announcement of September 1, 2007

So Michael Strahan retires with 132.5 sacks, 2nd on the Giants all-time to the man who literally invented the category. He was often the face of the franchise, his gap-tooth grin perfect for the bright lights of New York City. In Strahan, the Giants had a perennial pro bowler, and unarguably one of the most feared defensive ends of his time. Hell, the man broke the sack record.

But let's examine his legacy a little more closely, shall we? Sure, he was a great pass rusher, and he'll easily enter the Hall of Fame in his first few tries, but what was his legacy to the team? Well, first off, he has the most bogus claim to a record this side of Barry Bonds. What play comes to mind when football fans think of Michael Strahan? Sure, it could be a sack followed by his patented muscle flex, but isn't it more likely to be his record breaking sack of Brett Favre? And for what it's worth, fantastic pursuit by Strahan on that play, chasing after Favre just enough so that Favre could slide into him. Yup, that's Michael Strahan's big claim to fame. A sack record gift wrapped to him by Mrs. John Madden.

But what about the team success during this time? Well, he played for Dan Reeves, Jim Fassel, and Tom Coughlin. And he was a part of some very good teams, most notably the 2000 team that went to the Super Bowl. Lest we forget, the team also made the playoffs in '93, '97, and '02. So the '93 team had a good run, but let's focus on the '97 and '02 teams. Strahan was the leader and best player on both of these defenses. (Though a surprisingly good case can be made for Jason Sehorn in '97.) And how did the Giants' seasons end in '97 and '02? Historically embarassing. In '97 they blew a two score lead with roughly a minute left, and in '02 the team blew a 30+ point lead to Jeff Garcia, T.O and the 49ers. In both of these games, a simple defensive stop would've saved the game for the Gmen. And in both of those games, Strahan and his defense came up embarassingly empty. He's not the only guy to come up empty during those moments, but he was conspicuously present in body only in both of those games.

And let's delve further into this. Sure, Strahan has had some fantastic seasons with the Giants, but when did one of them coincide with great success for the Giants? His record setting season was 2001, where the Giants suffered a post-Super Bowl hangover, going 7-9. In fact his 4 greatest statistical seasons, with sacks in parentheses were '01 (22.5) '03 (18.5) '98 (15) '97 (14). Meanwhile, the Giants' record in those years were 7-9, 4-12, 8-8, 10-5-1. And in '00, '02? 9.5 and 11.0 respectively. Good numbers, but this certainly helps prove the theory that the less that Strahan did on the statsheet, the better the Giants were. And that, friends, will always be Strahan's legacy. A great player, who put up great stats, but never when the Giants needed them. The A-Rod of the Yankees, if you will.

Time for everyone's favorite quiz show sensation:

Guess which 1.5 of NY Area SUS Staff (Devo, White Boy, BH, Mahatma, MissMet, SHMUCK) has herpes!

Winner gets a free sticker. And 8 lifetimes worth of horrible images.

FarnsVerMo: The solution to the Yankees Pen issues

I'll keep this short to cater to all my ADHD brothers and sisters. Watching the last two games between the Yankees and their newest arch rival, the Kansas City Royals, I solved the Yankees bullpen problems. No, this solution can't make up for the gaping hole in the pen created by Joba's gradual movement towards being a real pitcher in the starting rotation. However, it can allow the Yanks to boast a formidable 7th, 8th and 9th inning attack and cater to their band of 6 inning warriors. Jose Veras has been outstanding this year. He has a blistering fastball, does not walk anybody and has a solid slider as well. He is emerging as the ideal setup man for the best pitcher in the game. The B.I.G. alerted me to the stats posted on YES that Kyle Farnsworth, yes the same Kyle Farnsworth who I told you sucks in a previous post, (Editor's note: Way to go out on a limb. In other news, A-Rod=good.) has an under 3 era in the 7th inning as a Yankee. This tells me that Kyle is too much of a pussy to handle 8th inning duties but when the pressure is off, he can be a reputable option.

So there you have it, Farns in the 7th, Veras in the 8th and Mo in the 9th. But I'm sure Brian Cashman in his infinite wisdom/ stubborness of trying to prove to everyone that his 3 year signing of Farnsworth was not a horrendous mistake, will keep forcing Joe to trot out Kyle in most 8th innings and leave the 7th to the disgrace to baseball that is Latroy Hawkins. Please Joe and Brian, it is time to implement FarnsVerMo.

Hot Time Summer In The City

I swear to God if 90 degree June days become a NY fixture, I'm moving to Edmonton, with an eye on Anchorage. I wasn't Daniela Hantuchova (pictured above) on Saturday night, if only because my nipples weren't as hard, but it was damn close.

Was in NYC on Saturday and Sunday on this, the weekend of the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Apparently it's impossible for white people to talk about the Puerto Rican Day Parade without referencing this Seinfeld clip.

A question for Andy Pettite

So if you're going to give props to God after winning each of your 4 world series, he's gotta be the main culprit for your sucktacular stretch as of late, no?

Badass Music Clip of the week

There are two inherent truths about the Clash that we at SUS (or at least, I) hold to be self-evident:

1) The best Clash music was made over the course of the first three albums, 1977-1980. (The Clash, Give 'Em Enough Rope, and London Calling. Sandinista! was pretty bad, and if nothing else, not punk rock at all.)

2) And yet, they truly reached their worldwide revolutionary iconic status sometime after London Calling, once their music started to kind of suck. Relatively speaking.

Anyways, that's why I love the following clip. It's The Clash, playing a top-5 Clash song, Career Opportunities, from their self-titled debut. But they're playing it towards the end of their run, when they were recognized as not just punk rock pioneers, but revolutionaries. Ok, I'll get off of my high horse and let you enjoy the clip now. Rock.

Angry White Pet Peeve

Hey old guy at the Starbucks. I don't care how much you enjoyed the Teddy Roosevelt administration or that you saved America from the Germans or survived a depression, blah blah blah. When there's two newspapers in the free newspaper bin, you don't take them both with you! Great, you made America safe for Democracy. Does that really matter when I'm spending my Saturday morning with a coffee and no (free) newspaper?

Kobe's Time

Kobe’s Time: 2008 NBA finals preview

One of the great joys for a sports fan is witnessing an all time great player reach the pinnacle of his greatness all the while winning a championship. Such is the case with Kobe Bryant.

Going into this season we all knew how great Kobe was. However, none of us could predict that in one year he would go from being a top 15 player of all time to being as great as any guard in the history of the sport. This season Kobe has become the consummate team player taking all the right shots, making all the right passes, and taking over games whenever his team needs him to do so. And unlike his only superior MJ, his teammates actually like him! Sometimes in sports the story of a player reaching his pinnacle not only trumps anything else going on in a playoff game/series, it is the most important reason why his team will defeat its opposition.

This in spite of Boston having 3 legit stars and the best big man in the game in Kevin Garnett (Tim Duncan’s play vs the Lakers showed me that Garnett has now usurped that crown from the aforementioned Timmy). Boston’s defense will probably be able to contain Gasol and stifle the Odoms and the Fishers of the world. Garnett will probably embarrass Gasol at times sending some of shots all the way back to Fenway. However, Garnett simply does not make big shots with the game tied or his team trailing late in games and Ray Allen has not been the same player in these playoffs that he has been throughout his borderline Hall of Fame career. The only way Boston wins this series is if Paul Pierce outplays Kobe Bryant. Is this impossible? No. Is this unlikely, Yea. I think this is especially unlikely because I truly believe this is Kobe’s time.

Much like the Sports Deities cursed the 04 Yanks for committing the Sin of Glutton as they added two superstars to an already excellent team, the Sports Gods have shined down and will continue to shine down on Kobe for his selfless play. Plus, it just makes his team better when Kobe is making great dishes to Fisher and Sasha (not even going to try and spell his last name) in 3 point land and a cutting Odom and Gasol in the paint. Unless Pierce outplays Kobe AND the Celtics get a suprising contribution from a role player like Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins or dare I say Glen “Big Baby" Davis, I just don’t see the C’s being able to stay with a team who is stewarded by a Legend at the pinnacle of his career.

The Pick: Lakers in 6

The Fictitious Cleveland Indians Grounds Crew said it best...

...they're still shitty. But this was still a pretty sweet win.

(Actual text from White Boy at 2:44pm: Horrible...I abhore this team with all my heart. Way to keep the faith, brother.)

Euro 2008 Preview

Soccer is totally for pussies


June in an even numbered year for soccer fans is a great time to be alive because either the World Cup or the European Championship is happening. For those of you who don't know what the World Cup is, you are a hopeless person and shouldn't be allowed to procreate. The Euro, however, flies way under the radar for most American sports fans. It is essentially the World Cup for Europe and is taken almost as seriously there. And since European teams are consistently some of the best in the world, over the next few weeks, you are in for some of the best soccer ever.

First things first, the 16 teams are divided into 4 groups. Everyone plays each other and the top 2 teams in each group advance to the playoff round(I'm sure there is some fancy European word for it). My predictions are based mostly on how much fun I had in the participating countries and a little bit on the actual skill of the teams. Here's the breakdown:

What God drinks

Group A- Switzerland, Portugal, Czech Republic, Turkey
Yeah, Turkey is part of Europe now, I know its weird. I remember how much all the Germans I met hated the Turks, so they cant be all bad. The Czech Republic will always hold a special place in my heart, as all the Budvar I drank there probably damaged my aorta in some way. I guess a special place on my liver would be more accurate. Speaking of Czech beer, if you live in New York and haven't been to the Radegast Beer Hall in Williamsburg(thats in Brooklyn, for all you Manhattanites)you are missing out. One of the best bars in the city. I'm sort of surprised the notoriously xenophobic Swiss are allowing this tournament to happen in their country, I'm sure the guy who's job it is to blow up all the tunnels into the country in case of attack will be on high alert throughout the tournament. I mean, these guys just joined the UN like 5 years ago. And you thought Cheney and W hated the UN. As for the soccer side of this, Portugal has a lot of flashy players, led by the Manchester United superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. Link for the ladies. And for the guys, these were/are his last 3 girlfriends: Gemma Atkinson, Merche Romero, Nereida Romero. Guy gets a lot of shit for flopping and being a playboy, but hes a pretty solid bet to lead his team out of the group, right behind the Czech Republic.

Germans always support the national team

Group B- Austria, Croatia, Germany, Poland
Croatia gets the prize for being the only country Germany didn't invade in WW2 in this group. But I have a feeling things will pretty much go as they did in 1939 in this group. I only stopped briefly in Austria, long enough to change trains and drink a beer at 1030am. Sounds odd, but I wasn't the only one at the bar. Germany, however, rocked. Between trips to concentration camps and looking at the bitchin Soviet war monuments, the beer, sausage and intensely strict rule following populace made me feel like a welcomed guest. Germany is also a perennial soccer power, so look to them to advance, with Poland warily following behind.


Italian Supermodel at the beach

Group C- Holland, Italy, Romania, France
Every tournament has a "Group of Death", where the teams that don't advance are killed at the end of their final game. HA, I wish! That would make any sport 4-5x more entertaining. No, this is the Group of Death because there is no way that Holland or Romania has a chance. The Netherlands is a great place, and despite their coddling of radical religious extremists, would be my #1 choice for emigration if I ever got deported. I mean, all the fun stuff is legal, everyone speaks English and entry level jobs as hookers and pickpockets abound. I got nothing on Romania really. I hung out with a Romanian sugar mama in Rome who told me that the only time she got to eat oranges growing up was at Christmas. Yay communism! France and Italy are the powers here, and look for their game to be intense after the World Cup Final in 2006. The Italians are a grimy, dirty team who cheat their way to wins, not unlike their citizens. I like the French team generally, which may come as a surprise to anyone who's had a political discussion with me in the past 10 years. These two will advance and probably meet up again in the semifinals.

Spain, where bulls go to die

Group D- Greece, Sweden, Spain, Russia
Spain is the most badass place on Earth. People there know how to get down and have a good time, and as a result have the lowest productivity of any country in Europe. And they just don't care, all they wanna do is dance. Ive got nothing but respect for that. Ive never been to Russia, but I spent 9 years as a child afraid they would blow me up with nukes and are now controlled by a guy who...I think wants to do that again. So, I'm not rooting for them. This will be a competitive group, with Spain pacing the other teams. Greece won the tourney in 2004, which came as a total shock to the rest of Europe, as they hadn't won anything since the battle of Thermopylae. Don't expect them to repeat even though they had a rather easy time qualifying. Spain will win this group and Greece will squeak by to get beat in the second round.

RIP Penguins

We now return to your regularly scheduled baseball/basketball and general NY centered posts.

Angry White Man: NBA Finals Edition

There are almost as many reasons to hate the Celtics and Lakers as there are to hate Terry McAuliffe and the Clinton Machine. The Celtics come from that town of lovable losers that only has 2 World Series and 3 Super Bowls over the first 7 years of this century. The Lakers have a Dina McGreevey-like sense of entitlement, an amazingly unlikeable superstar, and a center who looks like one of my cousins.

So it's easy to explain why both of these teams deserve to die. That's being done all over the blogosphere. Nah, instead, let's talk about why both of these cities, The City of Angels and Beantown deserve to die.

Why Angry White Man Hates Los Angeles

-Lost my IPod in a rental car while out there. Some worker at Hertz has probably become a diehard Clash and Pearl Jam fan. I don't care how spoiled this sounds-traveling cross country without a music player of any kind blows.

-Got lost driving everywhere.

-When I wasn't lost I was in traffic. Actually, I was also occasionally lost in traffic too. That was fun.

-Tried driving my car back to LAX, ended up on Crenshaw. This was actually kind of cool. I'll never get closer to being in a Dr. Dre video. Maybe.

-Nice public transportation for you, the 2nd most important city in the country. Subways almost exist. Driving around cities is awesome.

-Yeah, the Venice Beach boardwalk is decent. But I liked it better the first time I saw it, when it was called the Jersey Shore.

-You know what's worse than no Ashton Kutcher celebrity sighting? Actually hoping to have an Ashton Kutcher celebrity sighting. That night required a loooong cold shower.

-Snotty locals. If you give me the choice of snotty Los Angelenos vs Asshole New Yorkers, I'm taking the latter every time.

-Too intimidated to actually hit on any girls while out there. This could be a problem with me, but let's blame this on Los Angeles for right now.

-I was also in San Francisco and Vegas on the same trip. And as Lloyd Bentsen has undoubtedly said, I have seen SF and Vegas, and you, LA are neither.

Speaking of liberal Americans, let's now turn our attention to

Why Angry White Man hates Boston
(Full disclosure: All of us except for MissMet, SHMUCK, and ironically enough, Merloni went to college there.)

-Bars close at 2. For a town that prides itself on being one large drunken Irish stereotype, that's kinda early.

-Why have a subway system that closes 1.5 hours before the bars?

-Ever been stuck on the "T"? No? Well, my friend, you haven't truly had a proper Boston experience yet.

-Sully and Murph. The Boston accent is deified when you don't live there, but after 10 minutes in a bar, you're ready to punch these guys.

-I can't wear Yankee gear without getting into a fight. 1st amendment freedom of expression arguments don't tend to sway Sully and Murph. Go figure.

-College kids with an amazing sense of entitlement. I was one of the more grounded kids, but I'd still hate me if I ran into a 21 year old version of me at Our House.

-For a city dominated with people ages 18-25, not as many hotties as you'd expect. For the purposes of maintaining a happy staff, I can't vouch for New Hampshire girls.

-BC. Everything about them sucks. Especially their hockey team and any ex-girlfriends I may or may not have from there.

-BU Hockey. I like you guys slightly more than I hate you. Very slightly. Thanks for ending your winning seasons sometime around the '99-'00 season. Dare we say, the Curse of Dipietro?

-Patriots fans. And for that matter, anyone who needs me to explain why.

So there you have it. Are there any winners when Boston and LA get together? Not if one of them is going to leave with a championship. Death to you all, and we'll see you in 2010 when LBJ comes to Brooklyn and I start to care about the NBA again.


As a side note, watching the Yankee game with my dad as Joba's dad is being interviewed, this happened:

Dad: "I'd be at your first start at Yankee Stadium."
Me: "Nice of you to brave that GWB traffic and show up."

Stay tuned for my Oliver Stone-like look into the conspiracy that is the Yankees' handling of Joba Chamberlain.

Welcome Back, Pedro!

As I'm writing now, the Mets are ahead in their game against the Giants. John Maine has pitched very well so far and the team has hit. After the debacle that was Ollie Perez's Monday night start, most fans should be really pleased with the way the series has turned out. Perez lasted a third of an inning, gave up six runs on five hits, while walking two. Needless to say, he picked up the loss. Claudio Vargas came in and did a great job to hold the Giants in a promising long-relief appearance.
After that game ended in a 10-4 loss, Pedro Martinez's comeback start meant even more. Pedro's injuries in the past few seasons have made him a wild card in the rotation. How would the team's biggest cheerleader fare in his return? Gary, Ron and Keith were all worried about the cold weather's effect on his old bones and muscles. He started out a little shaky, but really made outs when it was needed. The Mets kept up with the Giants' early run and then broke the game open with an 8 run 5th. I could not stay up to watch the entire West Coast night game, but apparently, Pedro got better as the night went on, which is a great sign. He's old and rickety, but he's still getting the job done. With the possibility of iffy performances from Perez and Mike Pelfrey, it is exciting to have a healthy Martinez back in the mix.

French Open
As SUS's resident tennis fan, let me talk a little about the French Open, which is ending on Sunday.
On the Women's side, Maria Sharapova (seeded 1), squandered a great opportunity for her to win the only Grand Slam that she has not won before when she was upset by Dinara Safina in the Quarters. Justine Henin, the top player in the game, recently announced her retirement- a shock to everyone in the sport. Venus and Serena Williams both lost early on (on the same day). In such an open women's field, no one really knows what to expect on the clay at Roland Garros. With two Russians and two Serbs left to play each other in the Semi-Finals, my guess is that Serbian Ana Ivanovic will be playing Russian Svetlana Kuznetsova in the finals, with Ivanovic winning her first slam.
On the Men's side, there are usually only two names to follow: Federer (1) and Nadal (2). This year, US Open winner (Serbian) Novak Djokovic is making a run for the title as well. In the Semis on Friday, Federer will play the Frenchman Gael Monfils, while three-time defending champ Nadal will play Djokovic. I'm gonna have to go along with the seeds and pick Federer and Nadal in the Finals, with Rafa winning for the 4th straight year.

BTW
The Mets appealed the time change of the game that aired on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball (remember when it was sponsored by Gumout?) because the team had to travel to San Francisco after the game. Originally scheduled for Sunday afternoon, the team wanted to change it back in order to be able to catch an earlier flight out west. The appeal was denied. As part of the newest Collective Bargaining Agreement, the MLBPA agreed that they would not have any say in whether their games would be switched to ESPN on Sunday nights. In the old agreement, they did have a say. This had nothing to do with Ollie's bad pitching though, he and Pedro traveled early Sunday.

Braves pitcher John Smoltz is out for the rest of the season for shoulder surgery. I'm saddened.

I hope the Penguins win tonight. Game 7s rock.

~MissMet

Joba Quckie

I love Joba, I love that he is a starter and I believe in Girardi as a manager going forward. However, the handling of Joba's first start of his career was butchered beyond comprehension. What is the point of starting a guy and only allowing him to throw 62 pitches!!!? You might as well just let him pitch 3 innings out of the pen in relief of some piece of garbage from the minors like Jeff "Carcinogens" Karstens. Also, and this is a point that was brought to me by friend the B.I.G. (Baseball Insight Guy), why would you start him at home on the heels of a 2 game losing streak against a Cy Young candidate and probable future hall of famer Roy Halliday??? Why not start him vs KC in a few days or Minnesota a day prior? What you got was the worst case scenario tonight. Joba forces the Yankees to rely on their horrendous bullpen to carry them through till the end of the game. Hey Girardi, how is that plan working out for ya? Oh, right your awful pen gave up 8 runs in 6.2 innings. Wow does this team make me sick.

Mahatma’s Game 5 Diary

I wanted to do these all series but alas my job decided to get involved and intervene in my blogging time. Rather than do a recap, I figured I’d do one of those diary thingys because they’ve done so much for Doogie Howser.

• Look for hockey pregame coverage around 7:45. Can’t find anything. Opt to watch the end of the Groomsmen on Showtime. I like Eddie Burns and I like this movie. God why am I watching all these late 20/30 something movies about love, marriage, kids, etc.. argh.

• Have cocktail #1. Does it bother me that I’m drinking alone in my apartment.

• Get a call to go to a bar near my office. Would rather watch the game in my own private hell.

• Attempt to persuade Yinzer Sr. to go to Shots place. Fails. Continental on Aster and 3^rd. The dreaded 5 shots for 10 dollars. It seemed like a fitting end to the hockey season as it was for every Stiller lose. I should have asked BH. We could have thrown down with Raiden again.

• Getting close to game time, I pray to lord Ganesh. Ganesh was die-hard Penguins back in the day.

• Pens come out surprisingly well. Perhaps Michel “Bill Cowhard” Therrien gave one of those motivational speeches we’ve heard so much about.

• When pressed for comment, no Penguins would answer how many times Therrien referred to them as Soff.

• Get random text from high school kid I haven’t talked to in 5 years. Ah yes, it’s the playoffs. Screw reunions. The playoffs bring high school classes together since 1890.

• Penguins kill a penalty. I’m onto cocktail #2.

• Pens called for too many on the ice. Numerous Therrien = douchebag texts being sent out of my Curry Hill establishment.

• Pens kill it off because apparently Pavel Datsyuk called Jordan Staal an 19 yr old drunk.

• Penguins have a powerplay. It sucks shit. A common theme for this series. I kick my foot rest in frustration.

• After some more Penguins dictating play, Pascal Dupuis hammers Brian “Rat Bastard” Rafalski who chokes up the puck. Dupuis to Crosby to Hossa. And It’s 1-0!!! A Giant Fuck You is echoed through-out Murray Hill including a patented middle finger salute to Osgood and a fist pump. Some would call me White Boy, I just think I’m passionate.

• God dammit Hope. I felt it. Perhaps this was different than Saturday. Well on one hand, I was waiting for Scott Weiland to wake up from his drug induced coma but on the other hand this was entirely too similar to game 4 to me.

• I knew the other shoe would have to drop. The action was absolutely intense. Back and forth. The way hockey should be played with little to no whistles.

• 4^th liner Adam Hall works the puck down low and makes a power move to the net. Osgood stops it but than Detroit’s Douchebag, Niklas Kronwall puts it in to his own net!

• If this was South America, Kronwall would be in a river by now. Thankfully, he’s in uh Detroit? Get him a bodybag. YEA!!!

• More crap ensues. Penguins can’t get that next goal. There was a post there somewhere. I cry.

• Detroit begins to wake up.

• Sydor misplays a puck and Darren Helm has a breakaway but realizing that Helm stole his purse, BU’s finest Ryan Whitney skates after him and distracts him enough with a diving poke check. If anyone played the NHL 2k series in videogames, that’s what we call hitting triangle.

• Cocktail #3.

• 2^nd Period begins with the Pens taking it to the Wings. . Osgood stops Crosby on a semi-breakaway. I cry again

• The momentum is changing.

• Staal can’t clear a puck and it goes off Rob Suckderi and into the net. Detroit scores and I die a little inside.

• Teams exchange PPs not pee pee because that would be disgusting.

• Wings have a 2-1 where Fleury stones jerk off Samuelsson. Why this asshole didn’t do this when he was a Penguin makes me cringe. Atleast, we used the stiff to get Fleury.

• The following turned about be a potential turning point as the Penguin’s leading blueliner Sergei Gonchar goes dome first into the boards and doesn’t return.

• Minutes later, Ryan Taters Malone takes one in the grill piece.
  

• I think at this point, I went online to bullshit. Cocktail #4. Period 3

• I play Scrabulous on Facebook with Devo. Devo thinks we are the only two guys who play Scrabulous. I’m okay with that.

• Begin the 3^rd period, Fudgepacker Datsyuk goes to the net and scores. I throw my mouse somewhere. Sign off in a rage of glory. Apparently the goal only hit the post. So why the heck are they reviewing this.

• Cocktail #5 but atleast my Sister comes home

• Heart Attack #249434

• Wings kick it up a notch and overwhelm the Pens.

• I wonder if Sister is the bad luck charm.

• Wings score on some Datsyuk redirect. His first goal of the SCF and I hang my head in shame. It's not quite Walk of Shame bad but still. I'm crestfallen.
  

• Detroit keeps bringing it out. I almost tell Sister to go away and keep her negative juju away.

• Bill Cowhard on Ice tries to slow things down with a time out but he’s a moron so it doesn’t work.

• Rat Bastard scores. I stand in disbelief.

• That’s all she wrote.

• Detroit’s idiot fans are screaming We want the Cup.

• I pray to Ganesh again.

• Cocktail #6

• I think they showed the Stanley Cup guy polishing the cup. On an aside, I wonder where I can apply to be the Stanley Cup waxer guy. Actually never mind, dude is massively creepy. You think he enjoys spending all this time with Cup. You'd think he could channel that into maybe finding a spouse?
  

• Wings continue to dominate. This is going to be painful.

• I debate turning this off but decide to stick with the boys.

• The Flower gets pulled and Bill Cowhard puts in Max Talbot?!

• I yell to Sister why Talbot is out there and continue to curse Cowhard.

• Zetterberg has a chance to score but doesn’t. The agony is unbearable

• WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP.

• The puck gets dumped in. Malkin and Talbot charge on Rat bastard. Rat Bastard coughs it up again! Pens get control. Somehow Max Talbot scores!!!!!

• I yelp like a Dog that’s been kicked. HOLYSHIT!!!!

• Everyone is stunned. The announcers, the crowd, everything.

• Wings get a chance to score another go ahead but luckily don’t as we go to Overtime.

• Cocktail #7

• Wings come out as if the Penguins just stole their girlfriend and dominate.

• Flower comes out large stomping Holmstrom on a backhand

• Zetterberg smashes Fleury and rightfully gets called for interference. Douchebag.

• Penguins impotent powerplay does nothing. No Gonchar meant Purse Boy would lead the charge.

• Purse Boy ends up playing every 2 shifts. He will screw this up I know it.

• I remain standing. Cocktail #7 sits there like a log. I attempt to remember where I stood where Talbot scored goal #3. I think I just stood there. Sister attempted to move her and spot before I said you can’t go anywhere and it would screw with the energy. The playoffs turn me into Joe Jackson.

• Fleury keeps the agony going. Cocktail #7 is lonely.

• We go to OT 2.

• Phones and texts are sent.

• They can’t win this can they? seemed to be the common message
  

• I think the Pierre McGuire says Sykora just told everyone he will score. That’s funny because he hasn’t done shit in about 6 games.

• Wings run Fleury again: PP Pens. Pens do nothing

• Pens hit a post somewhere.

• Than Babe Ruth gets called for holding? I can’t await to refer to Sykora as Hasselback in my blog post tomorrow, I ponder.
  

• The Flower comes through again!!!

• 3^rd OT

• Half drunk, I disband all notions of energy, karma and juju, and staying in one happy place and run to get a slice.

• Cocktail #7 gets sipped on. All is right with the world.
  

• I wonder if I should call in sick tomorrow. Than I remember I did that about 2 weeks ago. Son of a bitch!

• How long is this going to go?

• Sister asks if I should go to bed. I say curse word.

• Wings again come out like assholes again. Somehow the Penguins and their 5 shitty defensemen keep them from scoring.

• Back to standing. Can’t fuck with the energy

• I see Sergei Gonchar back on the bench. The man looks like he just got smacked in the head with a brick.

• Rob Suckderi gets sticked in the face and draws blood. I wonder if he channeled Vince McMahon to use the old tape a razor blade to your glove and bleed as they do in the WWE.

• 4 minute power play!!

• Gonchar comes off the bench. WTF. I get some text about Willis Reed or something. I have no idea what that means.

• Babe Ruth steps on the ice. Perhaps Cowhard is sensing the future.

• Evgeni Malkin has the puck behind the net and gets it to Sykora.

• A massive YEAAAAAAAAAA is heard as I run out to the Balcony. Ready to yell out a Drama-esque Victory, I stopped myself and hopped around like an asshole instead.

" Even White Boy has got to shout" Big ups to Penguins,engulfing some Yankee Self-Haterade and a shot at a pitcher on the other NY Team

I'm very happy for my boy Mahatma, I am very annoyed at some of my "boys" who wouldn't know me from a hole in the wall, and Oliver Perez sucks when he isn't pitching against the Yankees

(1) One of the most exciting sporting contests ever....... How can this evening's game 5 between the Penguins and Redwings be described any other way. I'll leave any analysis to the hockey fans who write for the blog (a.ka. everybody but me and maybe Merloni?) but even for a general sports fan like me this game was intense. When any shot on goal by the Wings could mean hoisting Lord Stanley's cup; it gets even the most casual of hockey fan's, such as myself, watching. 3 periods of regulation and 2.5 overtimes later, the Penguins silenced a capacity crowd of 20,000 hockey fans and 500 octupus (octipi???). Congrats to the Igloo and I hope they pull off the miracle comeback.

(2) Andrew Eugene Pettite........ I love this man. He was the most consistent pitcher on 4 world series teams and was the only one of the starters on any of these teams to be a home grown Yankee (I don't count El Duque because he didn't grow up in the farm system). However, Andy, I'm finally getting pissed at ya. A savy vet such as yourself can't give up 3 consecutive leads in the same game. When there are two men out, no men are on base and you are facing a great hitter like Mauer, you can't throw an inside fastball in a hitter's park like The MetroDome. Sure enough, Mauer hit one that hasn't landed yet and Minnesota tied the game at 5 with 2 outs in the bottom of the 7th. He also pulled this crap against the mets a few starts ago giving up 3 runs in the 3rd after the Yanks jumped out to an early 2-0 lead.

(3) Kyle Fanrsworth Sucks....... I'm so freakin sick of this guy. He gives up a run almost every time he comes in. Now grant it, as Devo has pointed out in the past, This is okay if he comes in during the 8th and the team has a 2+ run lead and Mo is due to pitch the 9th. However, in a tie game with the great Joe Nathan waiting in the wings, this is a recipe for disaster. Sure enough, Kyle gets greeted by a booming double from Michael Cudeyer and he promptly scored after a sac bunt and an rbi single. Tonights 6-5 loss to the Twinkies enraged me mostly because this game was a microcosm of the team to this point so far; (1) zero clutch hitting, (2) pitchers giving up leads (3) the non Rivera-Joba pen being horrendous. 14 hits should account for more than 5 runs. Oy.

(4) I don't want to upset Miss Met too much..... but I have to kill Oliver Perez. I admit, this is largley because he destorys my beloved Bronx Bombers but yet is awful against everyone else. He has been bombed by the likes of the Buccos (Sorry Mahatma) and the lowly Giants but somehow makes the Yankees lineup look like a single A ballclub. Perez makes me nuts and I don't even like the Mets. He makes Mike Mussina seem calm and unflappable by comparison. If the slightest thing goes wrong he completley falls apart. Tonight he gives up a leadoff home run to Randy Wynn. Pitchers on his own staff like Johan Santana and John Maine will fight threw early struggles and realize they have a job to do; Perez falls apart and mentally checks out of the game. But hey, Rick Peterson is a great pitching coach right.

While you were the sleeping...

this guy scored.



See you Wednesday!

And what will Tuesday bring us?

Joba! Pedro! It's Tuesday night baseball at its finest in New York. One man's predictions on what's to come:

Joba

Best Case Scenario
6 IP, 2H, 0ER, 10K, 0BB-75 pitches

Worst Case Scenario
3 IP, 5H, 5 ER, 2K, 5BB-60 pitches

Probable scenario
5IP, 3H, 1 ER, 7K, 1BB-70 pitches


Pedro

Best Case Scenario
6 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 5K, 0BB-85 pitches

Worst Case Scenario
2 IP, 6 H, 6 ER, 0K, 4BB-60 pitches, tightness in shoulder

Probable Scenario
5 IP, 4 H, 3ER, 3K, 3BB-

Is there a hockey game tonight?

Madden 2009 Team Ratings!! Because you care about this more than hockey.

Patriots 97
Cowboys 96
Chargers 95
Colts 95
Giants 94
Steelers 94
Jaguars 93
Packers 91
Eagles 91
Bucs 91
Vikings 90
Browns 88
Redskins 88
Seahawks 87
Saints 87
Panthers 86
Broncos 84
Titans 84
Bills 82
Ravens 81
Bengals 80
Bears 80
Cardinals 78
Texans 78
Lions 78
Rams 77
Jets 76
49ers 72
Chiefs 71
Raiders 71
Falcons 67
Dolphins 67

- (source: any video game site)

The important question that must be asked is if it's still the same shitty game it's been since what Madden 2004?