8. Take a walk, you obese piece of shit. America is a fat country. And spending your weekends in your carefully sculpted sofa assgroove aint getting us any skinnier.
9. Watch MSNBC or read a newspaper, you stupid, ignorant piece of shit. Americans are not only fat, we’re stupid and have no idea what’s going on in the world. And making sure the Giants cover their 5.5 point spread every Sunday aint exactly helping our collective intellect.
10. Get a girlfriend, you fat, stupid piece of shit. To continue the trend, let’s just say that your knowledge of how Eli fares in cold weather doesn’t exactly help you get laid. Trust me. Take this time to go about town, and use your wit to pick up some lady friends. And if that fails, call a hooker.
11. Clean my house/Run my errands/Do my laundry. Ok, enough about helping you. Watching the Giants advance to the Super Bowl hasn’t exactly helped me keep maintenance of all my personal chores. And that aint about to change now, I have College Bball and Hockey to watch! So come on over, hook a brother up
12. Get me a job for next year. Please.
54,305. Watch some pregame hype. Seriously, this is the last thing you should be doing.
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