MOCK FUCKING DRAFT Part 5

26) Jacksonville:

Needs: DE, WR, CB, OT

Pick: Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida

Plays Like: Simeon Rice

Harvey has big time pass rush potential off the edge. He is an excellent athlete, with very good quickness and speed off the edge. He fires off the snap quickly, has the quickness and change of direction ability to get around the tackle, and the speed to close on the quarterback. Harvey has solid size and the frame to add more weight as he gets older. The issue with him is whether he can hold out in the running game at the pro level. At this point the answer is no but the Jagoffs would love to finally have a speed rusher that can get to the QB with ease unlike the rest of their lumbering overpowering DL.

27) San Diego:
Needs: S, CB, WR, MLB, RB

Pick: Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas

Plays Like: Dre Bly

San Diego doesn’t have the best secondary in the world but this team is the league’s most talented with arguably no real weaknesses. Talib is simply a play maker. He may not necessarily have that 4.3 40 time that makes the scouts cream themselves but he simply makes things happen out there. Regardless, he has more than enough speed to give the Chargers another corner in case they lose the great Drayton Florence to free agency.

28) Dallas:
Needs: WR, RB, CB, FS, DE

Pick: DeSean Jackson, WR, CAL

Plays Like: Steve Smith

A word to describe Jackson is that he is a playmaker. Absolutely dazzling array of moves makes him a very tough receiver to cover. Jackson is also one of the more dynamic returners in all of college football with the ability to start and stop on a dime. He is also electric when the gets the ball in his hands and can be very good yac guy for the Cowboys as well as giving this team a legit speed guy for Tony Romo. Negatives against him are that he is small and he does sometimes back down from physical corners and isn’t blessed with exceptional height.

29) San Francisco:
Needs: DE, G, OLB, WR, ILB, C, NT, RT, OLB

Pick: Kentwan Balmer, DT, UNC

Plays Like: Richard Seymour

Balmer has a very nice blend of talent. He has the size, athleticism, quickness, and strength to be an excellent NFL defensive tackle. Except that the Niners are still trying to run a 3-4 but really do not have the ends necessary to hold on the double teams. They also don’t have a nose tackle. Oops. Balmer has the strength to control running lanes, but the quickness to shoot the gap and disrupt the action. Balmer has also shot up draft boards and make sneek into the top 15 with a good combine. The problem is if Balmer can continue his stellar play from last season or will he revert back into the piece of shit play from the previous 2 seasons

30) Green Bay:

Needs: CB, TE, OL, SLB, RB, QB*

Pick: Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona

Plays Like: Champ Bailey

Cason has the ability to be a true shutdown corner. Not only does he have the athleticism, quickness, and ball skills, but he has the attitude of a top tier corner. Cason will not back down from anyone, and loves be tested. He shows the ability to turn and run with receivers, and has the ability to locate the ball while it is in the air. Cason does not shy away from run stopping either. He is very active and quickly reads a run and aggressively pursues the ball carrier. He will go for the ball and the big play too much. Also, while he is not small, his size is nothing special, for an NFL corner. Cason was the top corner on the board prior to the college football season but struggled.

31) New England:

Needs: LB, CB, FS, TE

Pick: Spygate

Plays Like: A Sony Camcorder

Sorry this was too easy. Apologizes to my Chowda headed brethren.

Patriots Parody You Cheated - Watch more free videos

32) New York Giants:
Needs: FS, CB, WLB, RT, WR

Pick: Reggie Smith, CB/FS, Oklahoma

Plays Like: Ed Reed

Smith is the latest in a long line of “Tweener” CB/S players that add value with the ability to do both. What can Smith provide is finally some added support to Gibril Wilson (if of course the Gints sign him) and move James Butler and his dime safety ass back to the bench. Smith has great cover skills and speed to keep up with any receiver. He shows the necessary range in coverage as a safety with the ability to lay some wood if he has to. Smith, like Reed, triples as a punt returner as well.

No Shit Sherlock Article of the Day

In case you missed the endless amounts of Hugh Grant movies, Zales tv ads and sappy lovey dovey horseshit on tv these days, well sir than you are hopeless. Apparently, it's Valentine's day today so naturally everything in our world centered on National Halmark Day including my trusted yahoo.com. Figuring to take some time out of my 15 minute lunch break, I'd figure I'd catch up some news. What is one of the first stories I see?

Why this lovely gem:

In Romance, Looks Matters Most to the Beautiful

Here are some choice snippets:

"Beautiful people marry beautiful people and less beautiful people marry less beautiful people," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management.

WOW. You mean Scarlett Johansson isn't walking through my apartment door anytime soon? I mean come on? Any idiot whose been in a mall can tell you this shit. So I guess that means I should stop praying to Lord Ganesha for Scarlett. Dammit and I thought we had a chance I after I sent her the naked photo of myself. Fuck. Thankfully the brain trust at MIT is there to enlighten us all.

But that doesn't mean less-attractive people are destined to lives of unrequited love and feelings of just settling for the mediocre. The study results, which will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science, suggest people who lack looks place more stock in non-physical features, such as sense of humor, than in physical beauty.

Thanks to MIT for this lovely contribution. Heck they could just point to the decade long strings of marriages by MIT graduates. Thankfully, it's good to know that some ugly people place more stock in non-physical features like bank accounts or something...

"Males are less affected by how attractive they themselves are than females," Lee said in a telephone interview. Guys were more likely than ladies to request dates out of their league.

Haven't these guys been to a bar before? I mean jesus christ, I don't know how many times i've seen this. Requesting dates out of their league is every guy's god given right. Not to mention, men are more likely to be mind numbingly hammered to the point where even they think Joe Q. Ugly looks like George Clooney.

In other words good looks was the primary stimulus of attraction for both men and women, and a person with good earning prospects or ambition tended to be liked as well," said study researcher Eli Finkel, an assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University in Illinois.

Thankfully I can now rest much easier knowing my ginormous Straight Up Sports influenced bank account will be liked by some poor female in the near future. But hey at least I know we will be on the same attractiveness scale...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines Day Bitches!

I'm not going to lie: this is taken directly from another website and would probably violate a bunch of copyright laws if only enough people cared that we were publishing this on our website. Anyways, this is a fantastic ode to Valentines Day and you, dear SUS reader, are entitled to it. And uh, sorry for the excessive use of the C-word. Again, not my product ladies.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, WHORES

I got a little rant here regarding this fucking bullshit estrogen driven sham of a fucking holiday coming up…Valentine's Day. Ready to get offended? Pop a fucking Midol and follow me now bitches, here is your fucking Valentines gift…. FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY. You know, I have always been one of these guys for women’s rights. One of those guys who stick up for broads and say they are equal. Say they deserve the same money and job opportunities as men and defend their right to choose. However, as another shit ass fucking Valentine's Day approaches, I am starting to reevaluate my position. Why? I think Valentine's Day proves women are the weaker sex. You fucking whiny scags are ALWAYS finding a new way to bitch about being treated right. Valentine's Day, Secretaries Day, Mothers Day, Bitches Day, Cunts Day. It goes on and on and on. You have the fucking audacity to make men feel guilty for not ‘proving’ we love you. You sit there at your job and expect a delivery man to come and bring you something. Are you fucking kidding me? For what? So you can toss your flowers, cards, and candy in your fat hog cunt coworkers' faces? “Ohhh look how much my baby loves meeeee.” No, your man is a fucking sap.

You know, I just had an epiphany. There are people right at this moment sitting in jail. Why? A little thing called extortion. I thought extortion was illegal in this country? Well, then Hallmark, FTD, and all you whiny, trampy, bitchy scags should all get the fucking chair. It is a no win situation for us guys on this rag tag bitch day.

Exhibit A

“Oh, don’t worry about getting me a gift.”
“I don’t need anything.”
“Everything means nothing, if I ain’t got you.”
“All I need is a card.”

BULLSHIT. Please. Let us not give you the royal treatment. You yamps get bitchier than a raghead terrorist and the twat seals its walls up for a week. I mean, you turn into some kind of LOTR type troll for shit’s sakes, and we have to pull a Bill Clinton and sleep on the couch. “OMG you don’t appreciate me.” “Well, Sarah’s’ BF got her a ring” “FINE! FINE!” Gimme a fucking break. Who the shit are you trying to fool?

Exhibit B

“I don’t want anything; just take me out to dinner.”
Yea, real cute. Yet dinner, no matter where we look around town, is 140 bucks a person, not to mention, it’s some nasty shit we would never wanna eat. Duck Ass a la Orange with a side of snail twat, circled with crusted monkey balls. I got an idea. You love me no matter what? How bout I take you to that great Scottish Restaurant….Mac Donalds. I’ll get you a crusted chicken breast a la mayo with a side of French fried po-tat-toes. Oh la la bitch, now blow me, and maybe I’ll supersize it.

It never ends. Chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, balloons, all in the attempt to satisify some whiny broad. Well look here toots, if I can tolerate your incessant bitching for more than 3 hours a fucking day, that is proof enough. Where is MY dinner for dealing with your goddamn rag every month? Where is MY dinner for dealing with your stupid fucking questions like “Does this make me look fat?” Where’s MY fucking dinner for dealing with your fucking constant cries for attention and needs to talk? I am a guy. Just STFU, leave me alone, and blow me every now and then, and I will be happy. Must I spend 3843894393939339333 dollars to prove I love you? If I haven’t fucking killed myself or you already then the answer would be yes.

And here’s one more point. I do not want to read about your homantic husband, boyfriend, boy toy, or lame ass femboy fuck mate and what he did for you. He’s a fucking pussy and he has lowered the bar for all of us by catering to your worthless needs. Take your digicam/webcam pics of your red roses, flowers, candies, and jewelry, and shove them your smelly fucking cunt. No one cares.

“Ohhh my man is sooo sweet, look at this.”
Once again, the weaker sexes cry for attention.
I say next year, every man in this fucking country boycotts Valentine's Day and does a mass jerk off. We have to dedicate ourselves to not giving in to these fucking chicks. NO food, NO cards, NO bears, NO flowers, NO chocolates. Just a a big fuck you to the pussified fucktard greedy whores of the world. I got a Valentine's gift for you, it’s in my pants, and how it works is I slap you in the face with it...

But, I still love you snookems.

NBA Tradewinds Have me Loving this Game Again, at Least Until Yanks Season Starts

So apparently we can't just praise the Giants every single second till next September on our site. I suppose we must move on and talk about other sports stuff. Outside of the disgraceful conduct of the Republicans today in defense of the indefensible Roger Clemens; the other major sports story of the moment is the insane trade winds blowing through the Association. These trades have greatly bolstered a league that was teetering on the brink of NHLdom (Okay, not that bad) after a disastrous summer filled with the now infamous referee scandal. I will in the space below analyze the three big trades of the last month and discuss how they affect the teams involved

1) Shaquille O’Neal to the Suns in exchange for Shawn Marion who goes to the Heat- This is a great trade for the Heat.

The Heat get a rising superstar in the prime of his career who plays great defense and is the finest finisher in the league. Although they have dug an impossible hole to climb out of for themselves in this 2007-2008 season; they will be an Eastern Conference contender for years to come. This is a very risky and quite frankly bizarre trade for the Suns. I know what they are thinking; we need an answer for Tim Duncan. Amare is a great player but he can't cover the Big Fundamental in the post. The suns believe Shaq is their ticket to finally getting past the big bad Spurs. The problem is, Shaq isn't "The Diesel" anymore. He isn't even a trolley car. Shaq is just a big body who might get some rebounds and 12-15 points a game at this point in his career. This won't help the Suns defend the great Duncan in the post. Oh yea, they also just traded a budding superstar entering the prime of his career. Whoops.

2) Pau Gasol to the Lakers for Kwame Brown and some other trash who go to the Grizzlies- Lakers are now the West's best.

This will go down as one of the greatest trade in the history of the Los Angeles Lakers. They gave up absolutely nothing of consequence for a star big man who can score in the post and run the floor with the great Kobe Bryant. The Lakers are deeper than even their title teams of the early 2000's. Their starting five when healthy is Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, Odom and Fisher. Wow! To borrow a line from the once again screwed over Jim Fassel "Anyone who wants in get in, anyone wants out get out, this team is going to the (Finals)." This team is the best team in the West by far on paper and the way they are playing right now, with rising star big man Andrew Bynum still injured, they should scare any team in either conference. As for the Grizzlies, just go back to Vancouver as nobody will give a crap anyway.

3) Jason Kidd to Mavericks for Devon George and Jerry Stackhouse (maybe more) ** this trade is agreed to in principle but not yet worked out officially= This trade doesn't make sense for either team

If this trade does go down, I don't like it for either team. Kidd is old. His knees are about to go. He's an excellent ball player and he would be a welcome addition this year to almost any NBA team not named the Phoenix Suns. However, if you are giving up two of your most vital role players in the process, then I don't see the point of the deal for the Mavs. Jerry Stackhouse has been invaluable to Dallas's success the last few seasons providing them with clutch jump shooting and great veteran leadership. Devin George has also been a great asset to Dirk and company while serving as a productive bench player for the Mavs like he did for the Lakers during their title run. Dirk doesn't need any help from J Kidd or any other point guard to get his shots. The guy is 7 feet tall and has the prettiest jump shot I've ever seen. I could get 10 assists playing with him on my team. Kidd's talents are wasted on a team like Dallas as such. As for dirty Jerz, it doesn't really make too much sense for them either. If they were getting some draft picks or some very young talent back, that would be fine. However, they are simply getting back quality role players. They would fit well on a championship contending team (like say, DALLAS!) but are of no use to a mediocre Eastern conference team like the Nets. Oh well it could be worse, you could be the Knicks (More on them when I feel like making myself vomit)

Black History Month: Straight Up Sports Style: An Introduction to The Wire

We here at Straight Up Sports want to do our part to celebrate Black History Month the only way that we know how: by talking about the best and blackest show on tv: The Wire.

Part I

The Cops:

Jimmy McNulty (pictured above)
One of the best characters in TV history, up there with Captain Winters of Band of Brothers fame. (Both of these guys are British yet play very American characters, a cop and a captain in the US Army. Something needs to be done about this.) A fantastic detective who only loves drinking and women more than his job. Involved in one of the best drunk driving scenes of all time. He stopped drinking during Season 4 and promptly bored viewers and co-workers alike. Has become certifiably insane this season when due to a lack of city funding, he created a serial killer in an effort to get more funding.

Bunk
McNulty’s old partner in drinking and solving homicides, though more of the former. When McNulty stopped drinking, no one was more bored by new McNulty than Bunk. And yeah, a true friend calls you an asshole when you stop drinking to get your life together.

Lester Freamon
Probably better than anyone in Baltimore at solving a crime. Can solve homicide or white collar crime. Is assisting McNulty in creating a fake serial killer. Props to this slightly older man for his live-in girlfriend: a stripper who was originally a witness in Season One.

Kima Greggs
She’d be considered hot if she were simply a female working homicide, even if she looks like a female Hines Ward. Throw in the fact that she’s a lesbian working homicide, and now she’s REAL hot. Props to the shows producers for showing her getting it on with her lady friend. Has spent too much time with McNulty and now she too likes to get hammered and chase women. I hope I work with a woman like this someday.

Ellis Carver
A fast riser, started working the wire with McNulty and co. first season and has now worked his way up to sergeant. One of the few people on this show who actually aspires to be an ethical cop; liked and respected by the community. In Season 4, he fails to protect a snitch from retribution, leading to a scene where the kid mockingly thanks Carver for helping him escape retribution. On a show with at least 25 amazing scenes over 5 seasons, this was my favorite.

Herc
A lousy cop A) because he is somewhat unethical, and B) because he’s just not very good. But he knows how to be in the right place at the right time. When working security for the old Marion Barry-esque mayor, he walked in on him getting Lewinsky-ed. Eventually he left the job and now works for an amazingly unethical lawyer. Props to Herc for making up for the fact that his appearance on Entourage marked the point in which that show jumped the shark.

Colicchio
Basically an asshole. Looks like Jason Varitek. Therefore, Jason Varitek is an asshole. Once again, I REALLY like this show.

Landsman
Started the show as a major kiss-ass in Homicide and is now the Sgt. in charge of homicide. If police work involved looking at nudie mags in his office, he truly would be Baltimore’s finest.

Burrell
Basically a bureaucratic asshole, in the game only to improve his personal rank, which he does until the Mayor shoves him out. I’m pretty sure that they tried to get Charles S. Dutton for the role but he backed out. If he’s going to look like Chuck “You’re 5 foot nuthin’, a hundred and nuthin’” Dutton, they need to make his character much more likeable.

Rawls
Was deputy commissioner and is now temporary commissioner. Hates McNulty with a passion. He’s a lot more fun to watch when he’s in charge of homicide in the first season. Frankly without McNulty, he’s like the NFL without the Patriots or Cowboys: no enemies to make things interesting.

Bunny Colvin
We here at Straight Up Sports realize that, as a family blog, it is not our place to condone drug use. That said, 2 out of 2 SUS Wire-watching-bloggers agree that Sgt. Colvin’s “Hamsterdam” idea to legalize drugs within a small area to make the rest of his district drug-free and amazingly safe is, uh, not the worst idea in the world. Naturally, he was practically crucified for this.

Stay tuned for next week: The OG's.

TV Watchers of the World, Rejoice! (But Not Till April)

You can officially get excited for a few reasons tonight. The WGA Strike is o-v-e-r. Pitchers and catchers are due to report tomorrow (but according to www.metsblog.com a bunch of people are already there). The Oscars are on and our area finally had a (wet, slushy, messy) winter storm! Maybe only a few of these things excite you, maybe none of them do. Either way, you should read on to find out why I'm happy.

Like, I said, the strike is over and the Oscars are on. One of the many entertainment websites that I was on today told me that the writers have started writing for the Academy Awards show, which airs on Feb. 24th, but they are a month behind. Will the crunch, coupled with the fact that the writers have had all this free time make the show amazingly written or will it have the opposite effect? I guess we'll have to see how Jon Stewart does when he hosts the show for the second time.

As far as your favorite shows? Well you can go to ew.com and they'll tell you when they are coming back. Most of mine won't be back until April, or in some cases, not till the fall. Hopefully after the waiting, all of us fans won't be disappointed. Can you even remember what happened on the last episode of The Office?

In a great article in the Sunday New York Times, there was a story on David Wright and his current role with the Mets on and off the field. He is quickly becoming a leader and the face of the franchise. I'm all for that. I loved that he was at the Johan Santana press conference. He's been in St. Lucie for a few days now, and did some working out with the pitchers and catchers. Even as I just typed that, I started to feel giddy about baseball, but it also could have been the sugar kicking in from the Valentine's Day candy I bought myself earlier today. Either one. There's also a tour of CitiField on mets.com from Jeff Wilpon. It looks, well, snowy, but also just pretty awesome.

Speaking of baseball, I caught some of the awkward testimony from Congress today with Roger Clemens. Let me just say how happy I am that none of the current Mets got themselves involved in any of this crap.

Get excited about baseball, because its pretty much here!

MissMet's Grammy Best Dressed: Carrie Underwood wore a pretty flowery halter dress, but we won't mention what she wore when she performed...

MissMet's Grammy Worst Dressed: Nelly Furtado. Bad hair, bad make-up, bad dress. Good voice though!

MissMet's Who Cares of the Week: Gary Coleman has been secretly married for months! Like I said...

MissMet

Cut-throat Hockey

That Richard Zednik incident was scary. To get a closer up look at what really is happening, watch this video. For those who are squeemish, turn away. This man pretty much repaints the goalie circle with his own blood. As Devo calls it, "Old Time Hawkey". Amen to that, Enjoy

You know how you know that I'm gay? I'm about to talk shit about the SI Swimsuit Issue

Is it just me or is the SI Swimsuit issue not a big deal anymore. The pictures I've seen so far, are pretty solid, including Carmela Garcia. (2 things: 1. Her name is Carmela Decesare-Baer. This is not up for debate. 2. I think she's wearing the same bathing suit that my grandmother wore back in the 1940's. Needless to say, she's worn much hotter outfits in years past. (NSFW) And now I shudder to think of all the comments this would leave me open to, if only we had readers.)

But as a 25 year old male, I gotta say that the most recent swimsuit issues haven't done it for me. (Maria Sharapova being the only notable exception.) And after giving an honest look at the ladies gracing the issue this year, I don't think the problem is with them, I think it's with me.

It's not that I don't love women. I have a full hard drive that, uh, proves my love of the ladies of the world as well as proves my devotion to same-sex (See: female) uh, relationships. It's just that when I was a young lad in elementary and middle school, the SI swimsuit issue was EVERYTHING. The two pictures up top represent, along with snow days, my 3 most cherished memories of being a child. Since then, between the internet and more importantly, becoming 18, the SI swimsuit issue doesn't do it for me anymore. Sure, it's some solid reading, but if I want to read a magazine in Penn Station while receiving weird looks, I'm heading straight to Club or Hustler thank you very much.

So you can have your Carmella Garcia. I'm sure some 8 year old is holding onto this issue for dear life like I did roughly 17 years ago. (Held onto it at least until the Victoria Secrets arrived in the mail two weeks later.) But as for me, I'm going to stick with my Kathy Ireland and Elle McPherson thank you very much.

The People You See Phonebanking for Barack Obama (Or at least, those that I saw)

In spite of BH's best efforts, we here at SUS try to remain apolitical. That said, I made some calls for Barack Obama today, and quite frankly, the people that I saw were too funny to not share with both of you that constitute Straight Up Sports Nation. Without further ado, the people you will phonebank for Barack Hussein Obama with:

1. "Old Lady Who Is Amazed By Technology" No, she wasn't amazed by the call lists; she was amazed that everyone had answering machines. For what it's worth, the quantity of answering machines in our culture amazed me too. Back in 1993.

2. "Old Black Lady Who Must've Been A Badass Back In The 1960's"-She had on a "BARACK the Vote" t-shirt, like one of those '92 rock the vote t's. Sure, she can barely see, but $20 says that she's got some great stories from the Civil Rights marches. And I bet she was a hot Black Panther too.

3. "Old White Guy Who Is Either Very Friendly, Very Creepy, or Simply Annoying."- This guy comes in and starts talking about how much he loves Barack. He's seen bad Democrats, Dukakis, Adlai Stevenson, but he really believes in Barack. The more you listen to him call others, the more it seems like he just really wants someone to talk politics with. Every time he talks to you, you pretend that someone answered on your phone, just to avoid talking to him. Best part of the day is when this dude tries to flirt with person #2 and fails miserably.

4. "Middle-age White Guy Who Has No Idea How To Work A Phone." He spent 20 minutes studying his call sheet and another 20 minutes examining his script. This guy is why McDonalds tries to not hire ex-White collar workers: they'd simply be lost doing all of the things that their secretaries do. I actually felt bad for this dude, as the campaign passive aggressively tried to move him out of the office, Milton-style. No word yet on if he stole the red stapler.

5. "Quasi-Hot Chick Who Gets Hotter Because of her Rank." Women with power are hot. Not only that, but power elevates an ugly chick into a "Maybe after 8 beers" chick, and turns this 5 into a 7.5 or 8. Plus, she'd probably hold her own in a political conversation, seeing as how she runs a county office for Obama.

6. "Hot Canvasser Who Was Placed In Another Room." How is it that out of the 8 actual phone conversations that you had, 2 of them took place when she came into the room for a question? (which you had the answer to) How does one become Mrs. Devo when they're not even allowed to be placed in the same room as you for more than a few seconds?

7. "Guy Who Eats All Of The Food Thrown His Way By The Campaign." Yeah, this is me. What can I say, it's good to work for the campaign with the money. I bet Hilary's workers were eating 1.5 meals a day. Just kidding. We all know that Hilary's workers get by on the same food as Hilary: stillborn fetuses.

Poor guy

BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) -- Florida Panthers goalie Thomas Vokoun saw fear in Richard Zednik's ashen face when his teammate reached the bench with blood gushing from his throat.

"He was very scared," Vokoun said, describing the frightening scene after the right side of Zednik's throat was accidentally sliced by teammate Olli Jokinen's skate during a game at Buffalo on Sunday night. "He was conscious, I guess. His eyes were closed, but he was moving and moaning."

As the Panthers traveled home to south Florida following a 5-3 loss, the team announced Zednik was stable and resting comfortably at Buffalo General Hospital after having surgery to close the gash that led the forward to leave a long trail of blood on the ice.

A 12-year NHL veteran, Zednik was hurt with 9:56 left in the third period in the right corner of the Sabres zone.

Zednik was circling the net behind the play and skating into the corner just when Jokinen was upended by Sabres forward Clarke MacArthur. Jokinen fell headfirst to the ice, and his right leg flew up and struck Zednik directly on the side of the neck.

Clutching his neck, Zednik somehow had the capacity to race the three-quarters length of the ice to the Panthers bench, where he nearly fell into the arms of trainer Dave Zenobi, who immediately placed a towel on the player's throat. With the help of defenseman Jassen Cullimore, Zednik was escorted up the tunnel behind the Panthers bench and loaded into an ambulance.

Jokinen was sickened when he watched the replay and learned it was his skate that caused the cut, leaving the Panthers' captain in no mood to continue playing.

"It was terrifying," Jokinen said. "If it was my call, I would have gone to the hospital with him."

Play resumed after a 15-minute delay, during which time crews scraped the blood off the ice and the surface was cleaned by Zambonis. NHL officials briefly considered stopping the game, but determined to continue playing after knowing that Zednik was stable and the two teams were willing to go on.

Panthers spokesman Justin Copertino said the team was making arrangements to have Zednik's wife, Jessica, fly from South Florida to Buffalo by a charter flight Sunday night. Zenobi and assistant general manager Randy Sexton also stayed behind to be with Zednik, Copertino said.

Hospital spokesman Mike Hughes said he expected the Panthers to provide an update on the player's condition on Monday.

A hush fell over the crowd at HSBC Arena after Zednik was hurt. It wasn't until the public address announcer said Zednik was in stable condition that fans gave a lengthy standing ovation.

Players on both benches, though, were still shaken.

"It was pretty solemn," Sabres coach Lindy Ruff, said describing the mood on his bench. "There wasn't a lot being said (on the bench). There was just more concern for Richard than anything else.

"I can fully understand if they wanted to cancel the whole game," Ruff added. "When you see something like that, it isn't about playing anymore. But I said, 'We're going to finish the game and it's going to be what it's going to be."'

The NHL released a statement, saying: "The thoughts and prayers of the NHL family are with Richard Zednik, his loved ones, his teammates and the Florida Panthers organization."

Sabres general manager Darcy Regier credited both Zednik for having the awareness to head to the bench and also the NHL for mandating physicians be on hand and near the bench during games. Regier said doctors were already waiting in the tunnel behind the Panthers' bench when Zednik was escorted off.

Zednik's injury was eerily reminiscent of an injury sustained by Sabres goaltender Clint Malarchuk about 19 years ago at Buffalo's Memorial Auditorium. On March 22, 1989, Malarchuk severed his jugular vein when St. Louis Blues forward Steve Tuttle was upended while skating toward the crease, slicing Malarchuk with a skate.

Malarchuk required over 300 stitches but spent only one night in the hospital, returning to practice after four days. On April 2, he played the final five minutes in the season finale, less than two weeks after his injury.

It was the second serious injury caused by a skate this weekend.

On Saturday, NHL linesman Pat Dapuzzo needed dozens of stitches to close a cut on his face after he was hit by the skate of Philadelphia Flyers forward Steve Downie in a game against the New York Rangers.

Dapuzzo, scheduled to retire at the end of the season, didn't return after the second-period injury.

Zednik has 15 goals and 11 assists this season, and had a four-game point streak (three goals, six assists) end on Sunday.

"I can't imagine what he was going through," Panthers defenseman Bryan Allen said. "What saved the situation was he had the mental ability to get to the bench and get to the dressing room, not stay on the ice. Those few seconds could have been the difference."

Now I know that not everyone really cares about hockey and all but wow this was just brutal to see. The looks on the faces of the crowd say it all. We at SUS wish a speedy recovery to Richard Zednik.

A Very Devo Weekend Part II (Movie time!)

Saw There Will Be Blood, and No Country For Old Men. These were the last two Oscar-nominated movies that I needed to see in order to prepare for the 47th Annual Straight Up Sports Oscar Previews. Some thoughts about each:

DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOU PLAN ON SEEING THESE MOVIES IN THE NEAR FUTURE. BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU'RE ALSO PROBABLY ONE OF 5 PEOPLE TO CHECK OUT THIS BLOG, SO PLEASE, KEEP READING REGARDLESS.

-No Country started out amazing. It was 2 hours long. It could've been 1:45 and it would've been my favorite movie this year. It should've ended when Josh Brolin died, but went on for about 15 more minutes. The extra time probably added to the character development and what not, but seemed like a waste of time. A good movie that could've been great. Probably the best Coen Bros' movie not named Big Lebowski.

-This is Josh Brolin's second outstanding acting performance this year. Very solid as a corrupt New York City cop (They aint too smaaart) in American Gangster.

-Javier Bardem was outstanding. If he doesn't get best supporting actor, it should go to his weapon, whatever it was.

-Snuck into There Will Be Blood. Apparently it was sold out, apologies to you, E Street theater viewer whose seat I stole.

-Overall, one of the better movies of the year, and the better of the two seen on this day. Whereas Country started out strong and ended fairly poorly, Blood began very strong, lagged in the middle and had an amazingly dark, bloody, but very solid ending, which reminded me somewhat of Citizen Kane.

-Daniel Day-Lewis turned in another fantastic performance, even if it was a little too similar to his role in Gangs of New York. The weird part about that? For some reason, his 'stache made him look like 1980's Freddie Mercury.

-Also, a surprisingly good performance turned in by Paul Dano, he of Little Miss Sunshine fame. (The kid who didn't talk.)

-There are a few morals to Blood. But the one thing that I took out of this movie is the affirmation of this belief: As far as Republicans go, I trust the big business republicans way more than the religious right. (I'm aware that classifying 50% of the populace isn't that simple, but I'm going with it. Go get your own blog and classify how you want.)

I've had some experience with evangelicals, as most who read this blog are aware. And while many of them are good people, I never trusted most of the evangelicals that I met. I don't like big business republicans either, but at least they don't bother with a false pretense. Many on the religious right are good people; but many on that side are worse people than us liberal heathen and are living a lie. And it's the living lie that gets to me. Wall Street has no bones about being an asshole. Evangelicals preach with one hand, and develop Mark Foley-esque habits with the other. Put it this way: Daniel Day-Lewis' character was a hyyyuge asshole, but I was still rooting for him to beat the faith healer's ass all movie.

Any thoughts about these movies? Comment, mofo.

A Very Devo Weekend Part I (Ok Crapitals, I'm in.)

Went to the Capitals/Hurricanes game on Friday. A few thoughts:

-I was pleasantly surprised by the energy in the Verizon Center; it felt like a playoff game. Maybe it's the fact that I don't take anyone from the Southeast division seriously, or the fact that I've never seen the Caps involved in a battle for first place, but it was a fun game. And to the thousands of Capital fans reading Straight Up Sports, let it be known that Devo is with you! (Count the errors in that sentence.)

-I still hate the 'Canes. A lot. It goes back to the '05-'06 Stanley Cup Playoffs when they beat the Devils in the 2nd round. The Hurricanes proved themselves to be the best team that season. And not only were the Devils the 2nd best team in the NHL that year, but they could've defeated the 'Canes if they held on to the lead in Game 2.

-Nick Wallin scored the game winning goal in OT of Game 2. He went 1 on 1 with Paul Martin. Wallin was about to shoot it into Marty's pads when Martin poke checked the puck away from Wallin, puck trickling into the net. Point being, I still LOATHE Wallin. Always will.

-Somehow I ended up getting into a fight with some Massholes at the Caps/Canes game. (Read that last sentence again. Jesus Christ, massholes are everywhere.) In the past I would've talked shit about the Irish, since I had nothing else going my way. In this post-18-0 era? All I have to say is 18-1. Nope, the Super Bowl win hasn't yet gotten old.

There There Jimbo

Poor Jim Fassel. Again he gets shafted from another possible head coaching position. Maybe it's time you start guaranteeing a job buddy. Just stay away from the Jets. That is all

Vote right, or else....

We here at Straight Up Sports usually leave our political affiliations, along with our inhibitions and decency, at the door. But sometimes, events become too large to not comment upon.

As many of you may have heard, there will be a Presidential election this November, and that means we are in the thick of primary season. Sen. Barack Obama and Hil-dawg, as I like to call her(cheers to SP), fought to a near draw on "Super-Duper Tuesday" with Obama getting a slight edge. So, what happens right after the national news networks declare Hildawg the winner in Arkansas and Tennessee? God smites those states with a rash of tornadoes(see below).

Now you may call me an asshole or insensitive for posting this, and I wouldnt argue with that. But dont tell me Im wrong. Back in September of 2004, just 2 months before the last Presidential election, God had a message for Florida as well. After the total clusterfuck of an election in 2000, the big man upstairs wanted everyone to be sure that we all knew who HE was voting for.

Lets follow his advice this time people.

But what will Mike Mottau do?

Scott Niedermayer returns to Jersey tonite, as the Devils face the Ducks at the Rock in hockey mesopotamia, Newark. Lamoriello told the official newspaper of Tony Soprano, The Star Ledger that he plans on retiring Niedermayer's #27 after he retires.

I'm glad Lou isn't being stubborn or stupid about this. Any true hockey fan is aware of how valuable Niedermayer was to the Devils. The more neutral hockey fans on SUS could give a better perspective, but over the last 15 years, Niedermayer has been at least one of the top ten defensemen in the game, if not higher. The fact that no Devil defensemen score anymore and they have had power play issues since after the strike? That's because they still haven't replaced Niedermayer. Truth is, it's going to be a long time before they'll be able to replace someone like him. Anyone who watched the '03 stanley cup vs. the Ducks knows that he was responsible for seemingly every goal that the Devils scored that series. Ironic that Giguere got the Conn Smythe that season and Niedermayer got it last summer with the Ducks when Giguere deserved it.

Angry White Man (Price is Right Edition)

As a grad student, I tend to keep weird hours. Some of these weird hours allow me to watch Price is Right once or twice a week. And I gotta ask: Where the hell is my Plinko? Did Drew Carey get rid of all of the old games? For shame Drew. If Bob Barker were dead, he'd be rolling over in his grave right now. Now where will I go for moments like this:



"And he'll go to the grave as an angry white man..."

We pause from Patriots bashing to discuss (gasp!) some baseball

The new Yankee Stadium is $300 million over budget. And I guess that's kind of news, (especially if its taxpayer money) but holy shit, check out the amenities.

Among the quirks include:

a conference area with video conferencing so that a corporate group could have a daylong meeting and then stay for a game. A concierge will be available to procure theater tickets or restaurant reservations.

Finally. Straight Up Sports has found a ground worthy of holding the 7 of us in a room together. And more importantly, Brooklyn Hillbilly can use the concierge to get him tickets to his favorite play, Lease.

Saw this from a message board...

which was likely thiefed from another message board/vice versa/ etc..

I figured it was apropos with all this dynasty talk:

cue thiefed material:

...just how ominous the whole fall of the "evil empire" is, and the implications that surround it?

Think about it: the whole "dynasty" crap started with a lousy call by the officials forever etched in history as the "tuck rule"...

The tuck rule resulted in a controversial finish to an NFL playoff game on January 19, 2002, between the New England Patriots and the Oakland Raiders.

In the closing moments of the game in a snowy Foxboro Stadium, with New England trailing by three points, New England quarterback Tom Brady dropped the ball after making a passing motion, his fellow University of Michigan alumnus Charles Woodson tackled Brady, and the Raiders' Greg Biekert fell on the loose football. The officials initially called the play a recovered fumble, which would have sealed the victory for the Raiders. But after instant replay, referee Walt Coleman reversed this call, declared the play an incomplete forward pass, and gave possession back to New England. In explaining the reversal to the stadium crowd and the television audience, the referee stated that the ball was moving forward at the time it was dropped. In later interviews, the referee stated that it was his explanation, not the reversal, that was in error; the ball was moving backwards when it was lost, but the tuck rule applied.

In any case, Patriots kicker Adam Vinatieri later tied the game with a dramatic 45-yard field goal, and the Patriots took advantage of the momentum they had seized, defeating the deflated Raiders in overtime on another field goal and eliminating them from the playoffs. Three weeks later, the Patriots won Super Bowl XXXVI.

While the NFL has defended the call, not everybody has agreed. Bruce Allen, who ran the front office for the Raiders at the time of the game, still believes it was a fumble. "The rule itself doesn't bother me," he said. "But the way the rule is written, it was a fumble." - Tuck Rule - Wikipedia

That ridiculous controversy paved the way to their first Lombardi.

Fast forward to 2/3/2008, three SB titles behind them, and the fourth, complete with the only 19-0 perfect record, within reach. Tom Brady, the touted MVP and leader of that unstoppable force known as the New England Offense was on the very brink of perfection and perpetual icon status. However, he couldn't do jack shit against the Giants' defense primarily because he was harassed all day by that defensive line. And, who led that defensive line in the rampage that destroyed the empire? Remember, the player with 6 tackles, 2 sacks (the second with under 1/2 a minute to play that basically sealed the game), and the forced fumble? You guessed it - some unknown named Justin Tuck.

In other words, the empire crumbled and crumbled hard, because this time it was the victim of the "Tuck rule"!

Coincidence? I think not! It's Karma at it's finest, baby!

Now, this team will never be the same, and we haven't yet begun to see how far the "mighty", that asshole "mastermind" coach, and their whole smug prick fanbase will fall!


Spookular.

Spags stays!

The maestro returns!

Once again, take it away Johnny:

Step aside Frank Sinatra, Hoboken has a new favorite son.

Props to Drizz and that crew for the pic and story.

The Giants Defense: The Past, The Present, and The Future

Originally the plan was to look at who played well and who played poorly this year on the D. A Super Bowl later, it's time to scrap that plan and look at how each defensive group began the season, ended it, and what the future holds:

DEFENSIVE LINE

The Past: Strahan was out of shape, Osi was invisible, and Justin Tuck was the only guy who showed up through the first few games. Until the Skins and Eagles games, these guys were being completely pushed around.

The Present: Best D Line in football. Spagnuolo did what Tim Lewis never could: play Tuck, Osi, and Strahan in such a way to maximize their pressure. They pressured Romo, got to Brady, getting past two of the best O-lines in the game. They rid themselves of the well-deserved reputation that dogged the Strahan-era defense of disappearing in crunchtime. Osi and Tuck should have been co-mvps of the Super Bowl.

The Future: My guess is that Strahan is done. He hasn't shut up since the Super Bowl ended and looks ready to ride this to a career in broadcasting. That leaves Osi, Tuck, Cofield, Lil' Fred, Alford and Tollefson, all of whom are signed for next season. This unit has always underwhelmed when Strahan didn't play in the past, but they should be fine next year with Osi and Tuck anchoring the ends. And the three solid DT's.

LINEBACKERS

The Past: Kawika Mitchell didn't have a clue, Mathias Kiwanuka was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, and Antonio Pierce blew an airhorn every time reporters asked him a question. Yeah, there's a reason that this team gave up 80-something points to begin the season.

The Present: Antonio Pierce has become one of the more recognizable faces in the game, as the quarterback of this defense. No one looked happier at the parade, and no one took more pleasure in refuting the nay-sayers. (RESPECT as my old roomate would say.) Kawika Mitchell turned into a force on the defense, including a great Super Bowl. And while Kiwanuka became the charter member of the fractured tibula club, Reggie Torbor filled in pretty well. (Did anyone else not notice Torbor on the field for the entire game? That's a good thing, right?)

The Future: Some drunk guy who I don't respect or trust told me that Lance Briggs wants to come to the Giants because he and Pierce are boys. I'm ok with this. Kawika Mitchell is also a free agent. I'm ok with bringing back Kawika, but I'm also ok with bringing in a pro bowler. And Kiwanuka should return to form next year.

SECONDARY

The Past: Even when our defense was good, this unit was awful. Sam Madison was smart but old and slow, Dockery played hard but was a midget, and Corey Webster was simply a tackling dummy with a #23. Not to mention that Gibril Wilson was becoming overrated and James Butler was unknown, which might be the nicest thing you could say about anyone on this unit.

The Present: Everyone talks about how it all made sense to Eli Manning; no one was saying the same thing about Corey Webster who went from being godawful to being a pretty good cornerback. Aaron Ross played as well as anyone could expect from a rookie in the playoffs. (Was I just drunk, or did he pull a Torbor and basically disappear from the Super Bowl. This is a good thing though for a CB, assuming he played.) Sam Madison, after being hurt, did a damn good job in the Super Bowl, and Kevin Dockery, who should have been covering Wes Welker did a good job of getting healthy in time for the super bowl and not making an ass of himself.

The Future: With the exception of Madison, this is a very young group. Webster is entering his 4th year, Ross his 2nd, and Dockery his 3rd. The big question with this group is whether Corey Webster will continue his rise among the top 20 cornerbacks in the league. (This shouldn't be an accomplishment, but consider that he began this season as the worst starting cornerback in the league.) I'm thinking he'll continue to improve. Oh, and Gibril Wilson is a free agent. He's pretty good against the run, and it'd be nice to see the Giants sign him. It may not be a bad idea to draft a cornerback, but we'll leave that for another time...

Expected, Surprising, Shocking: a review of the most important contributors to the Superbowl Champion New York Giant's offense

I am still in shock 3 days later. Not only did I experience my first ever championship with my favorite sports team, I did so at the expense of the universally hated Pats. As we at SUS try to make sense of it all I will attempt to explain how many of the playoffs most valuable players on the offensive side of the ball transformed their games throughout what is now a championship season. This photo appears courtesy of Newsday.

They are who we thought they were!! Plaxico Buress, Amani Toomer

The Giant's top two wide receivers played all year at a consistently high level. Plaxico had a phenomenal and gutsy season amassing over 1ooo yards and 12 touchdowns while playing through a chronic ankle injury. Fittingly, Plax ended his 2008 campaign by catching the championship clinching touchdown by faking Ellis Hobbs out of his gourd. Amani Toomer, expectantly, made huge catches on 3rd down all season long and continued to be one of the league’s finest #2 wide receivers. His playoff brilliance surprised some, but not this Amani loyalist. As I have said previously in my prior articles; he may not be a great player but he is a great Giant, we love you Amani.

I thought you'd be good but not this good- Steve Smith, Brandon Jacobs, Offensive Line.

I have been a Jacob's fan ever since his first 3rd and short carry in 2005. I always thought he had potential to be a 1000 yard back over a full season. However, I didn't expect him to amass 1000 over a season in which he only played in 10 games. His bruising style did cost him 6 games to injury but his production and consistency in the 10 games he did play was surprising to even his staunchest supporters. I will always remember his first run in the NFC title game when he simply ran over a Packer linebacker and without saying it protested, "this is our game tonight son."

Steve Smith was a great pick in the 2nd round of 2007 draft for the Giants. He offered them a nice third receiver who has great hands and a wealth of big game experience. However, injuries kept him out of action for most of the season's first 11 games. When he did play at the end of the regular season, he was entirely underwhelming. He was victimized by the dropsies and the fumbles. However, the post season marked the beginning of a possibly fine career as a receiver for the Superbowl XLII champions. He has shown veteran savvy in the big spot (his horrid misplay on an intercepted pass from Eli in the Bowl not withstanding) and some of the softest hands on the club. He had several huge first down catches against Green bay in the NFC championship game and a gigantic first down conversion on third and 11 in the games waning moments to put the Giants on the doorstep of glory. I look forward to many excellent years for you in the Meadowlands.

I knew going in that our offensive line would be a fairly solid group. While we were losing Luke Petigout we still retained Center Shaun O’Hara and Guards Kareem McKenzie and Chris Snee. They opened up gaping holes for much of the previous 2 season for Tiki and Brandon but were overshadowed by Tiki's star status. This year with less fanfare surrounding the Giant's running back position, the offensive line got to take center stage. Whether it was Brandon, Derrick Ward (remember him?) or Amhad Bradshaw (more on him soon), the line did a tremendous job creating holes for whoever was waiting for Eli to hand off the ball. In addition, they did a phenomenal job of pass blocking all season and in the playoffs allowing Eli to emerge as a start quarterback by season's end.

Wow, did not see that coming- Eli Manning, Amhad Bradshaw, David Tyree.

Why is it that the Giants are amazing at picking late round running backs but suck at picking 1st round running backs? The same team that brought you some horrific busts like Ron Dayne and Tyrone Wheatley has also brought you Tiki Barber, Brandon Jacobs and now Amhad Bradshaw. Bradshaw started out as a third string running back that barely got a sniff of the action. It is amazing, looking back, that he had to watch the trudging and plodding Reubeun Droughns consistently get stuffed on third and shorts. Nevertheless, Bradshaw finally got his chance when Derrick Ward, who played well in his own right this season, suffered a season ending injury against the Bears in Week 14. Bradshaw's big moment came on an impressive, National Football League season high, 88 yard touchdown run in the snow in Buffalo to clinch the Giants a spot in the 2008 playoffs. In the playoffs, he had an impressive 8.3 yards per carry and routinely got tough yards up the middle despite being dwarfed by his backfield mate Jacobs. He looks like he might be a star running back for New York or elsewhere for years to come.

David Tyree has been a phenomenal special teams player his entire Giant's career. However, I did not know he was even capable of making the best catch in Superbowl history. He also caught a touchdown earlier in the game to give New York a 10-7 lead. His incredible leaping catch over "Roidney" Harrison will forever warm the hearts of Giants fans everywhere. How he was able to use his own helmet as an extra set of hands to hold on to the ball, only G-d and David Tyree himself know. Congrats to a local kid done good.

Ahhhhh, here comes an abridged version of a previous post, where I inserted my foot into my mouth and admitted that I was wrong about Eli. Eli was simply awful most of this regular season. He was terribly inconsistent in terms of his accuracy and showed that he could not throw the ball in cold or otherwise inclement weather. Many, myself included, questioned if he could even be an adequate NFL starter let alone a Superbowl MVP. However, with one throw in week 17, it seemed that Eli arrived. On the first play from scrimmage in week 17 vs. the now 18-1 but then 15-0 New England Patriots, Eli threw an absolutely perfect in stride bomb to Plaxico. Eli went on to throw 4 touchdowns in this game including some while on the run and in the face of a complex and constantly changing Bellicheck defense. While I was not sure this performance would in fact propel Eli to winning the Superbowl MVP; I saw for the first time all season the play of a quarterback that actually lived up to his pre-draft hype. I need not elaborate on Eli's stellar post season play. You all saw his gutsy effort in sub-zero Lambeau field. You all saw the finest play ever by a quarterback in the big game, the 3rd and 5 scramble and bomb to Tyree. You all saw Eli hoist the Lombardi Trophy as Tom Brady was left to wonder what could have been. I just wanted to say one more time......... Eli I'm sorry sooooooooo sorrrrrrrry. I can't wait to see how you continue to develop and grow as the quarterback of the now three time Superbowl Champion New York Football Giants.

Some thoughts about the actual parade

The actual parade itself sorta sucked live. It was just put together. I was at the '96, '98, and '99 Yankee Parades, along with the '95, '00 and '03 Devil celebrations, and this just lacked the flow that those events had. There was a 20 minute period in the middle of the parade where simply no one passed by.

Say what you want about the Devils celebrations, which are basically a glorified parking lot pep rally, but they did get two things right:

1. Because the NHL players wear helmets, it is tough to identify all but the stars of each team by their face. Thus, for the pep rallies, the Devils all wore their jersey on top of their street clothes. But the Giants? The only one who wore a jersey was Plax, in support of his brother from another mother, Jeremiah Shockey. When all the Giants wear the SB Champs sweatshirt, it becomes tough to identify all but 10-15 players.

2. The Devils always appeared onstage with their wives/girlfriends when they were recognized. This led to at least one, if not two rounds of "Who's girlfriend is the hottest?" And inevitably, a 4th liner always comes out of nowhere to blow us away. This year, the family rode in a separate bus. And we're left to wonder if any of the Giants even have wives or girlfriends.

As for the City Hall ceremony. I'm not saying that it looked like a high school celebration, but between seeing everyone seated onstage in rows, and seeing each row rise separately, i began to get Vitamin C's "Graduation Day" song stuck in my head. It was worth it though when players didn't remember to take the key to the city in their left hand and shake with their right. And more importantly, Strahan finally has the key to something that his ex-wife can't take away.

Wow. It all makes sense now.

I was wrong. (Again Devo?) I always thought that Tom Brady was a Yankee fan. But Brady, in a recent interview with Straight Up Sports, said "My favorite team in all of sports was always that 2001 Mariners team. What can I say? The way that they just cruised through the regular season was amazing."

Big ups to SHMUCK for "finding" this photo...

People you (or at least I) find at a Giants Parade

Jersey Guidos!-See above photo. What surprises me more is that they actually gel their hair up before a Giants parade when everyone else sorta rolls outta bed.

Guy who compares everything to the '86 team-This guy is either fat, old, or both. In my case, he's 350 lbs, is surprisingly current with his Jacobs jersey, and chants "D-Fence" every time a player, offense or defense comes by, because that's the way the '86 team rolled.

The Douchebags who get to watch from a balcony- One of these guys made a paper airplane which almost hit an unsuspecting 6 year old in the eye. Way to impress the ladies with your airplane, you serial killer. Speaking of 6 year olds...

The little girls who go with their Dad-In their defense, this is a great way to bond with Dad. Or at least, it sounds like a good idea until they realize that the only thing they can see is '86 Giants Guy. I learned this lesson at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade when I was 6. But unlike me, these 6 year olds will be able to get into bars in 12-13 years while their male counterparts are left out in the cold. Speaking of which...

The young boys who go with their Dad-See above for the negatives. But on the bright side, none of these lil' dudes had to deal with the Brown/Kannell/Graham dark years.

The two guys who were probably taking a walk and had nothing better to do. Were these guys Giant fans? You couldn't tell by the way they were dressed. They weren't dressed for work, but you couldn't tell that they were Giants fans simply by looking at them. One of the guys, as the parade was about to start, was just reading his NY Times. My guess is that they were FBI trying to infiltrate Al-Qaeda

And finally, last but in no possible way least...

The kid who tried to befriend me. What an asshole. Over the years, I've learned that I have two peeves: 1) Al Qaeda, and 2) People who think they're funny, continuously make jokes thinking they're funny, but have absolutely NO comedic timing. (Devo, doesn't this sort of qualify as self loathing?) Well, I'm pretty sure this kid wasn't #1, but he continuously made awful jokes throughout the entire morning. That, combined with his herpes sores made me slowly but surely inch away from this dude, even if this meant me being that much farther away from Plaxico & Co. Speaking of this kid, I'm not saying there were a lot of high schoolers at this shindig, but there was enough acne in the crowd to feed a 3rd world country.

A Parody of Sorts

So on a football forum today I found a thread that showed alternate lyrics of Skid Row's "18 and Life" Now, if you havent heard the sond before, listen to on youtube at this link before you look at the lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xd8ykpZkwA

Now that you've done that feel free to read the lyrics, or watch the video again while reading the new lyrics along to yourself. It's quite amusing.

Tommy was a young boy, He had an arm of gold.
Practiced 9 to 5 and worked his teammates to the bone.
Barely drafted out of school, way back in the 6th round.
Fought like a switchblade so no Bledsoe could take him down.
He arm was money, but noooooo good on the run.
He walked the streets of Foxboro and he fought the League alone
but now it's

18 and 1 you got it
18 and 1 you know
your crime is choking and it's
18 and 1 o no!!!

No condoms in his wallet, some say he has VD.
It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean.
They say he loved Brazilians, "Tommy's the wild one."
He wouldn't marry cause these models just give it up.
Bang Bang knock 'em up, Tommy's party never ends.
You couldn't think of gameplans with Gisele's head in your lap
and now it's

18 and 1 you got it
18 and 1 you know
your crime is choking and it's
18 and 1 o no!!!

"Losses will never happen" they all heard Tommy say
He fired his last pass to the wind and blew Randy Moss awaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

18 and 1 you got it
18 and 1 you know
your crime is losing
and it's 18 and 1 o no

A question for Gmen Nation:

Is anyone else walking around with a "I boned the prom queen" stride in their step?

We are the champions my friend. A few people I will never forget

I just wanted to say on this night of great celebration for us members of Big Blue Nation, my grandfather Mark Jacoby bought our family season tickets for the 1958 season and we have never looked back since. Even though he left us in 1998, he is not forgotten. I hope you saw this game, Grandpa ( he was at both Super bowl wins for the Giants prior to today). In addition, let us not forget the late, great Wellington Mara who is one of the seminal owners in NFL history. We love you Mr. Mara and we are proud to hoist this trophy in your honor. Thank you 2007 New York Giants for truly restoring the pride of this great and historic NFL franchise. Also, I'm a jerk for not believing in my boys. I will forever cherish this team for being my favorite team of all time. This is one of the greatest nights in any Giants fan's life.

Thankfully

the only coach to win 4 superbowls is still LEGIT!!!!!!!!

life is good!

When there's nothing left to say, it's always Johnny Drama time:

18-1

Queen said it best;

We (the Giants) are the champions!
We are the champions!
No times for losers (The Patriots)
Cause we are the champions!
Of the World!

You know what they say: Cheaters never win!

18-1! Yeah mother%^@*ers!

Rockville, Maryland is Giants Country!

Went on a 1-2 mile walk to the local CVS rocking the Tiki jersey, and as I walked, let's just say that cars were hootin' and hollerin' at me like I was White Boy's sister. (Not pictured above)

The 42nd Annual Madden Superbowl Simulation: PATRIOTS 13, AMERICA'S TEAM 3

In what should be a tradition in every PS2/xbox/wii household, I simulated the Super Bowl this morning. (Espn.com has been doing this the last few years for every game, but I go back to the last Pitt/Dallas superbowl, so screw them.) Some notes about the game:

-5 minute quarters (I tried 8 minute quarters yesterday and the game ended up 54-44 with 5 minutes still to go; including 3 consecutive Wes Welker kickoff returns for touchdowns.)

-I started the game out on All Madden but promptly switched to All-Pro after the first four drives of the game ended with interceptions.

-Neither team had much offense: Eli Manning was 5-21, 78 yards, 3 ints, 0 tds. ( A solid 3.0 QB rating. Go Eli!) Brady was a solid 10-26, 109 yards, 1 td, 2 ints. Maroney was the only offensive player who showed up, 16 caries, 75 yards, and a 4 yard rec td. Maroney should've been the mvp of the game, but Madden gave it to Ellis Hobbs, who had an int and not much else.

And with this Madden analysis, the game has officially been scrutinized from every possible angle. Game on!

Happy SuperBowl Sunday!

I should be ecstatic. My beloved baseball team has just made a trade worthy of, well, the Yankees. I mean its the kind of trade the Yankees would make without blinking an eye. For the Mets and for us Mets fans, this is huge. Santana is a two time Cy Young winner, 93-44 with a 3.22 ERA in eight seasons. All of this should make me freaking out with excitement.

Right now, I'm just apprehensive. Call me pessimistic, but throughout my Metsfan life, I've been living with a whole lot of disappointment. Last year's collapse is just the latest in a long string of unrealized potential or 'blockbuster' moves gone awry. As soon as Santana's deal was announced, $137.5 million until 2013 with an option for 2014, I thought about pitchers and how they hardly get deals like this (well, until Barry Zito last year and now). Why is it that? They are so much less consistent than a regular player. What happens if the arm that controls the pace and make-up of the game gets overworked? Overthrown? Injured? There's also the aspect that everyone speaks of when a player comes from a teeny tiny market into the media firestorm that is New York. Will he crumble in this setting like Kenny Rogers or will he thrive like Mike Hampton (but hopefully for more than a year)? My other point is that I have spent years watching my team either completely fail or come excruciatingly close to glory.

My good friend from Boston likes to rub it my face that he's from Boston and his teams are dominating. He made a comment to me the other day, "You love to root for terribly unclutch sports teams..." For Santana to come here and fail or disappoint would be just another example of why the Mets have played second fiddle in New York and have been considered 'unclutch' for all these years. I'm not saying that I want or even believe that Santana is going to fail. I'm just saying that I can't let myself get too excited about it, because if I do, I know there's a good chance that I'll be crushed yet again. I need to see him pitch with the Mets for a game or two before I can get myself really really excited about him, but can you blame me?

Enjoy the SuperBowl tonight everyone! Eat and drink up. My two boxes are: Giants- 8, Pats- 7 and Giants- 9, Pats- 5. Let's make it happen so I make some $ boys!

Btw, if you like foreign films, check out The Diving Bell and the Butterfly about a man with locked-in syndrome who writes a book using his left eye to blink out the words- its a true story!

11 DAYS TILL SPRING TRAINING!

MissMet