Hot Time Summer In The City

I swear to God if 90 degree June days become a NY fixture, I'm moving to Edmonton, with an eye on Anchorage. I wasn't Daniela Hantuchova (pictured above) on Saturday night, if only because my nipples weren't as hard, but it was damn close.

Was in NYC on Saturday and Sunday on this, the weekend of the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Apparently it's impossible for white people to talk about the Puerto Rican Day Parade without referencing this Seinfeld clip.

A question for Andy Pettite

So if you're going to give props to God after winning each of your 4 world series, he's gotta be the main culprit for your sucktacular stretch as of late, no?

Badass Music Clip of the week

There are two inherent truths about the Clash that we at SUS (or at least, I) hold to be self-evident:

1) The best Clash music was made over the course of the first three albums, 1977-1980. (The Clash, Give 'Em Enough Rope, and London Calling. Sandinista! was pretty bad, and if nothing else, not punk rock at all.)

2) And yet, they truly reached their worldwide revolutionary iconic status sometime after London Calling, once their music started to kind of suck. Relatively speaking.

Anyways, that's why I love the following clip. It's The Clash, playing a top-5 Clash song, Career Opportunities, from their self-titled debut. But they're playing it towards the end of their run, when they were recognized as not just punk rock pioneers, but revolutionaries. Ok, I'll get off of my high horse and let you enjoy the clip now. Rock.

Angry White Pet Peeve

Hey old guy at the Starbucks. I don't care how much you enjoyed the Teddy Roosevelt administration or that you saved America from the Germans or survived a depression, blah blah blah. When there's two newspapers in the free newspaper bin, you don't take them both with you! Great, you made America safe for Democracy. Does that really matter when I'm spending my Saturday morning with a coffee and no (free) newspaper?

Kobe's Time

Kobe’s Time: 2008 NBA finals preview

One of the great joys for a sports fan is witnessing an all time great player reach the pinnacle of his greatness all the while winning a championship. Such is the case with Kobe Bryant.

Going into this season we all knew how great Kobe was. However, none of us could predict that in one year he would go from being a top 15 player of all time to being as great as any guard in the history of the sport. This season Kobe has become the consummate team player taking all the right shots, making all the right passes, and taking over games whenever his team needs him to do so. And unlike his only superior MJ, his teammates actually like him! Sometimes in sports the story of a player reaching his pinnacle not only trumps anything else going on in a playoff game/series, it is the most important reason why his team will defeat its opposition.

This in spite of Boston having 3 legit stars and the best big man in the game in Kevin Garnett (Tim Duncan’s play vs the Lakers showed me that Garnett has now usurped that crown from the aforementioned Timmy). Boston’s defense will probably be able to contain Gasol and stifle the Odoms and the Fishers of the world. Garnett will probably embarrass Gasol at times sending some of shots all the way back to Fenway. However, Garnett simply does not make big shots with the game tied or his team trailing late in games and Ray Allen has not been the same player in these playoffs that he has been throughout his borderline Hall of Fame career. The only way Boston wins this series is if Paul Pierce outplays Kobe Bryant. Is this impossible? No. Is this unlikely, Yea. I think this is especially unlikely because I truly believe this is Kobe’s time.

Much like the Sports Deities cursed the 04 Yanks for committing the Sin of Glutton as they added two superstars to an already excellent team, the Sports Gods have shined down and will continue to shine down on Kobe for his selfless play. Plus, it just makes his team better when Kobe is making great dishes to Fisher and Sasha (not even going to try and spell his last name) in 3 point land and a cutting Odom and Gasol in the paint. Unless Pierce outplays Kobe AND the Celtics get a suprising contribution from a role player like Rajon Rondo, Kendrick Perkins or dare I say Glen “Big Baby" Davis, I just don’t see the C’s being able to stay with a team who is stewarded by a Legend at the pinnacle of his career.

The Pick: Lakers in 6

The Fictitious Cleveland Indians Grounds Crew said it best...

...they're still shitty. But this was still a pretty sweet win.

(Actual text from White Boy at 2:44pm: Horrible...I abhore this team with all my heart. Way to keep the faith, brother.)

Euro 2008 Preview

Soccer is totally for pussies


June in an even numbered year for soccer fans is a great time to be alive because either the World Cup or the European Championship is happening. For those of you who don't know what the World Cup is, you are a hopeless person and shouldn't be allowed to procreate. The Euro, however, flies way under the radar for most American sports fans. It is essentially the World Cup for Europe and is taken almost as seriously there. And since European teams are consistently some of the best in the world, over the next few weeks, you are in for some of the best soccer ever.

First things first, the 16 teams are divided into 4 groups. Everyone plays each other and the top 2 teams in each group advance to the playoff round(I'm sure there is some fancy European word for it). My predictions are based mostly on how much fun I had in the participating countries and a little bit on the actual skill of the teams. Here's the breakdown:

What God drinks

Group A- Switzerland, Portugal, Czech Republic, Turkey
Yeah, Turkey is part of Europe now, I know its weird. I remember how much all the Germans I met hated the Turks, so they cant be all bad. The Czech Republic will always hold a special place in my heart, as all the Budvar I drank there probably damaged my aorta in some way. I guess a special place on my liver would be more accurate. Speaking of Czech beer, if you live in New York and haven't been to the Radegast Beer Hall in Williamsburg(thats in Brooklyn, for all you Manhattanites)you are missing out. One of the best bars in the city. I'm sort of surprised the notoriously xenophobic Swiss are allowing this tournament to happen in their country, I'm sure the guy who's job it is to blow up all the tunnels into the country in case of attack will be on high alert throughout the tournament. I mean, these guys just joined the UN like 5 years ago. And you thought Cheney and W hated the UN. As for the soccer side of this, Portugal has a lot of flashy players, led by the Manchester United superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. Link for the ladies. And for the guys, these were/are his last 3 girlfriends: Gemma Atkinson, Merche Romero, Nereida Romero. Guy gets a lot of shit for flopping and being a playboy, but hes a pretty solid bet to lead his team out of the group, right behind the Czech Republic.

Germans always support the national team

Group B- Austria, Croatia, Germany, Poland
Croatia gets the prize for being the only country Germany didn't invade in WW2 in this group. But I have a feeling things will pretty much go as they did in 1939 in this group. I only stopped briefly in Austria, long enough to change trains and drink a beer at 1030am. Sounds odd, but I wasn't the only one at the bar. Germany, however, rocked. Between trips to concentration camps and looking at the bitchin Soviet war monuments, the beer, sausage and intensely strict rule following populace made me feel like a welcomed guest. Germany is also a perennial soccer power, so look to them to advance, with Poland warily following behind.


Italian Supermodel at the beach

Group C- Holland, Italy, Romania, France
Every tournament has a "Group of Death", where the teams that don't advance are killed at the end of their final game. HA, I wish! That would make any sport 4-5x more entertaining. No, this is the Group of Death because there is no way that Holland or Romania has a chance. The Netherlands is a great place, and despite their coddling of radical religious extremists, would be my #1 choice for emigration if I ever got deported. I mean, all the fun stuff is legal, everyone speaks English and entry level jobs as hookers and pickpockets abound. I got nothing on Romania really. I hung out with a Romanian sugar mama in Rome who told me that the only time she got to eat oranges growing up was at Christmas. Yay communism! France and Italy are the powers here, and look for their game to be intense after the World Cup Final in 2006. The Italians are a grimy, dirty team who cheat their way to wins, not unlike their citizens. I like the French team generally, which may come as a surprise to anyone who's had a political discussion with me in the past 10 years. These two will advance and probably meet up again in the semifinals.

Spain, where bulls go to die

Group D- Greece, Sweden, Spain, Russia
Spain is the most badass place on Earth. People there know how to get down and have a good time, and as a result have the lowest productivity of any country in Europe. And they just don't care, all they wanna do is dance. Ive got nothing but respect for that. Ive never been to Russia, but I spent 9 years as a child afraid they would blow me up with nukes and are now controlled by a guy who...I think wants to do that again. So, I'm not rooting for them. This will be a competitive group, with Spain pacing the other teams. Greece won the tourney in 2004, which came as a total shock to the rest of Europe, as they hadn't won anything since the battle of Thermopylae. Don't expect them to repeat even though they had a rather easy time qualifying. Spain will win this group and Greece will squeak by to get beat in the second round.

RIP Penguins

We now return to your regularly scheduled baseball/basketball and general NY centered posts.

Angry White Man: NBA Finals Edition

There are almost as many reasons to hate the Celtics and Lakers as there are to hate Terry McAuliffe and the Clinton Machine. The Celtics come from that town of lovable losers that only has 2 World Series and 3 Super Bowls over the first 7 years of this century. The Lakers have a Dina McGreevey-like sense of entitlement, an amazingly unlikeable superstar, and a center who looks like one of my cousins.

So it's easy to explain why both of these teams deserve to die. That's being done all over the blogosphere. Nah, instead, let's talk about why both of these cities, The City of Angels and Beantown deserve to die.

Why Angry White Man Hates Los Angeles

-Lost my IPod in a rental car while out there. Some worker at Hertz has probably become a diehard Clash and Pearl Jam fan. I don't care how spoiled this sounds-traveling cross country without a music player of any kind blows.

-Got lost driving everywhere.

-When I wasn't lost I was in traffic. Actually, I was also occasionally lost in traffic too. That was fun.

-Tried driving my car back to LAX, ended up on Crenshaw. This was actually kind of cool. I'll never get closer to being in a Dr. Dre video. Maybe.

-Nice public transportation for you, the 2nd most important city in the country. Subways almost exist. Driving around cities is awesome.

-Yeah, the Venice Beach boardwalk is decent. But I liked it better the first time I saw it, when it was called the Jersey Shore.

-You know what's worse than no Ashton Kutcher celebrity sighting? Actually hoping to have an Ashton Kutcher celebrity sighting. That night required a loooong cold shower.

-Snotty locals. If you give me the choice of snotty Los Angelenos vs Asshole New Yorkers, I'm taking the latter every time.

-Too intimidated to actually hit on any girls while out there. This could be a problem with me, but let's blame this on Los Angeles for right now.

-I was also in San Francisco and Vegas on the same trip. And as Lloyd Bentsen has undoubtedly said, I have seen SF and Vegas, and you, LA are neither.

Speaking of liberal Americans, let's now turn our attention to

Why Angry White Man hates Boston
(Full disclosure: All of us except for MissMet, SHMUCK, and ironically enough, Merloni went to college there.)

-Bars close at 2. For a town that prides itself on being one large drunken Irish stereotype, that's kinda early.

-Why have a subway system that closes 1.5 hours before the bars?

-Ever been stuck on the "T"? No? Well, my friend, you haven't truly had a proper Boston experience yet.

-Sully and Murph. The Boston accent is deified when you don't live there, but after 10 minutes in a bar, you're ready to punch these guys.

-I can't wear Yankee gear without getting into a fight. 1st amendment freedom of expression arguments don't tend to sway Sully and Murph. Go figure.

-College kids with an amazing sense of entitlement. I was one of the more grounded kids, but I'd still hate me if I ran into a 21 year old version of me at Our House.

-For a city dominated with people ages 18-25, not as many hotties as you'd expect. For the purposes of maintaining a happy staff, I can't vouch for New Hampshire girls.

-BC. Everything about them sucks. Especially their hockey team and any ex-girlfriends I may or may not have from there.

-BU Hockey. I like you guys slightly more than I hate you. Very slightly. Thanks for ending your winning seasons sometime around the '99-'00 season. Dare we say, the Curse of Dipietro?

-Patriots fans. And for that matter, anyone who needs me to explain why.

So there you have it. Are there any winners when Boston and LA get together? Not if one of them is going to leave with a championship. Death to you all, and we'll see you in 2010 when LBJ comes to Brooklyn and I start to care about the NBA again.


As a side note, watching the Yankee game with my dad as Joba's dad is being interviewed, this happened:

Dad: "I'd be at your first start at Yankee Stadium."
Me: "Nice of you to brave that GWB traffic and show up."

Stay tuned for my Oliver Stone-like look into the conspiracy that is the Yankees' handling of Joba Chamberlain.

Welcome Back, Pedro!

As I'm writing now, the Mets are ahead in their game against the Giants. John Maine has pitched very well so far and the team has hit. After the debacle that was Ollie Perez's Monday night start, most fans should be really pleased with the way the series has turned out. Perez lasted a third of an inning, gave up six runs on five hits, while walking two. Needless to say, he picked up the loss. Claudio Vargas came in and did a great job to hold the Giants in a promising long-relief appearance.
After that game ended in a 10-4 loss, Pedro Martinez's comeback start meant even more. Pedro's injuries in the past few seasons have made him a wild card in the rotation. How would the team's biggest cheerleader fare in his return? Gary, Ron and Keith were all worried about the cold weather's effect on his old bones and muscles. He started out a little shaky, but really made outs when it was needed. The Mets kept up with the Giants' early run and then broke the game open with an 8 run 5th. I could not stay up to watch the entire West Coast night game, but apparently, Pedro got better as the night went on, which is a great sign. He's old and rickety, but he's still getting the job done. With the possibility of iffy performances from Perez and Mike Pelfrey, it is exciting to have a healthy Martinez back in the mix.

French Open
As SUS's resident tennis fan, let me talk a little about the French Open, which is ending on Sunday.
On the Women's side, Maria Sharapova (seeded 1), squandered a great opportunity for her to win the only Grand Slam that she has not won before when she was upset by Dinara Safina in the Quarters. Justine Henin, the top player in the game, recently announced her retirement- a shock to everyone in the sport. Venus and Serena Williams both lost early on (on the same day). In such an open women's field, no one really knows what to expect on the clay at Roland Garros. With two Russians and two Serbs left to play each other in the Semi-Finals, my guess is that Serbian Ana Ivanovic will be playing Russian Svetlana Kuznetsova in the finals, with Ivanovic winning her first slam.
On the Men's side, there are usually only two names to follow: Federer (1) and Nadal (2). This year, US Open winner (Serbian) Novak Djokovic is making a run for the title as well. In the Semis on Friday, Federer will play the Frenchman Gael Monfils, while three-time defending champ Nadal will play Djokovic. I'm gonna have to go along with the seeds and pick Federer and Nadal in the Finals, with Rafa winning for the 4th straight year.

BTW
The Mets appealed the time change of the game that aired on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball (remember when it was sponsored by Gumout?) because the team had to travel to San Francisco after the game. Originally scheduled for Sunday afternoon, the team wanted to change it back in order to be able to catch an earlier flight out west. The appeal was denied. As part of the newest Collective Bargaining Agreement, the MLBPA agreed that they would not have any say in whether their games would be switched to ESPN on Sunday nights. In the old agreement, they did have a say. This had nothing to do with Ollie's bad pitching though, he and Pedro traveled early Sunday.

Braves pitcher John Smoltz is out for the rest of the season for shoulder surgery. I'm saddened.

I hope the Penguins win tonight. Game 7s rock.

~MissMet

Joba Quckie

I love Joba, I love that he is a starter and I believe in Girardi as a manager going forward. However, the handling of Joba's first start of his career was butchered beyond comprehension. What is the point of starting a guy and only allowing him to throw 62 pitches!!!? You might as well just let him pitch 3 innings out of the pen in relief of some piece of garbage from the minors like Jeff "Carcinogens" Karstens. Also, and this is a point that was brought to me by friend the B.I.G. (Baseball Insight Guy), why would you start him at home on the heels of a 2 game losing streak against a Cy Young candidate and probable future hall of famer Roy Halliday??? Why not start him vs KC in a few days or Minnesota a day prior? What you got was the worst case scenario tonight. Joba forces the Yankees to rely on their horrendous bullpen to carry them through till the end of the game. Hey Girardi, how is that plan working out for ya? Oh, right your awful pen gave up 8 runs in 6.2 innings. Wow does this team make me sick.

Mahatma’s Game 5 Diary

I wanted to do these all series but alas my job decided to get involved and intervene in my blogging time. Rather than do a recap, I figured I’d do one of those diary thingys because they’ve done so much for Doogie Howser.

• Look for hockey pregame coverage around 7:45. Can’t find anything. Opt to watch the end of the Groomsmen on Showtime. I like Eddie Burns and I like this movie. God why am I watching all these late 20/30 something movies about love, marriage, kids, etc.. argh.

• Have cocktail #1. Does it bother me that I’m drinking alone in my apartment.

• Get a call to go to a bar near my office. Would rather watch the game in my own private hell.

• Attempt to persuade Yinzer Sr. to go to Shots place. Fails. Continental on Aster and 3^rd. The dreaded 5 shots for 10 dollars. It seemed like a fitting end to the hockey season as it was for every Stiller lose. I should have asked BH. We could have thrown down with Raiden again.

• Getting close to game time, I pray to lord Ganesh. Ganesh was die-hard Penguins back in the day.

• Pens come out surprisingly well. Perhaps Michel “Bill Cowhard” Therrien gave one of those motivational speeches we’ve heard so much about.

• When pressed for comment, no Penguins would answer how many times Therrien referred to them as Soff.

• Get random text from high school kid I haven’t talked to in 5 years. Ah yes, it’s the playoffs. Screw reunions. The playoffs bring high school classes together since 1890.

• Penguins kill a penalty. I’m onto cocktail #2.

• Pens called for too many on the ice. Numerous Therrien = douchebag texts being sent out of my Curry Hill establishment.

• Pens kill it off because apparently Pavel Datsyuk called Jordan Staal an 19 yr old drunk.

• Penguins have a powerplay. It sucks shit. A common theme for this series. I kick my foot rest in frustration.

• After some more Penguins dictating play, Pascal Dupuis hammers Brian “Rat Bastard” Rafalski who chokes up the puck. Dupuis to Crosby to Hossa. And It’s 1-0!!! A Giant Fuck You is echoed through-out Murray Hill including a patented middle finger salute to Osgood and a fist pump. Some would call me White Boy, I just think I’m passionate.

• God dammit Hope. I felt it. Perhaps this was different than Saturday. Well on one hand, I was waiting for Scott Weiland to wake up from his drug induced coma but on the other hand this was entirely too similar to game 4 to me.

• I knew the other shoe would have to drop. The action was absolutely intense. Back and forth. The way hockey should be played with little to no whistles.

• 4^th liner Adam Hall works the puck down low and makes a power move to the net. Osgood stops it but than Detroit’s Douchebag, Niklas Kronwall puts it in to his own net!

• If this was South America, Kronwall would be in a river by now. Thankfully, he’s in uh Detroit? Get him a bodybag. YEA!!!

• More crap ensues. Penguins can’t get that next goal. There was a post there somewhere. I cry.

• Detroit begins to wake up.

• Sydor misplays a puck and Darren Helm has a breakaway but realizing that Helm stole his purse, BU’s finest Ryan Whitney skates after him and distracts him enough with a diving poke check. If anyone played the NHL 2k series in videogames, that’s what we call hitting triangle.

• Cocktail #3.

• 2^nd Period begins with the Pens taking it to the Wings. . Osgood stops Crosby on a semi-breakaway. I cry again

• The momentum is changing.

• Staal can’t clear a puck and it goes off Rob Suckderi and into the net. Detroit scores and I die a little inside.

• Teams exchange PPs not pee pee because that would be disgusting.

• Wings have a 2-1 where Fleury stones jerk off Samuelsson. Why this asshole didn’t do this when he was a Penguin makes me cringe. Atleast, we used the stiff to get Fleury.

• The following turned about be a potential turning point as the Penguin’s leading blueliner Sergei Gonchar goes dome first into the boards and doesn’t return.

• Minutes later, Ryan Taters Malone takes one in the grill piece.
  

• I think at this point, I went online to bullshit. Cocktail #4. Period 3

• I play Scrabulous on Facebook with Devo. Devo thinks we are the only two guys who play Scrabulous. I’m okay with that.

• Begin the 3^rd period, Fudgepacker Datsyuk goes to the net and scores. I throw my mouse somewhere. Sign off in a rage of glory. Apparently the goal only hit the post. So why the heck are they reviewing this.

• Cocktail #5 but atleast my Sister comes home

• Heart Attack #249434

• Wings kick it up a notch and overwhelm the Pens.

• I wonder if Sister is the bad luck charm.

• Wings score on some Datsyuk redirect. His first goal of the SCF and I hang my head in shame. It's not quite Walk of Shame bad but still. I'm crestfallen.
  

• Detroit keeps bringing it out. I almost tell Sister to go away and keep her negative juju away.

• Bill Cowhard on Ice tries to slow things down with a time out but he’s a moron so it doesn’t work.

• Rat Bastard scores. I stand in disbelief.

• That’s all she wrote.

• Detroit’s idiot fans are screaming We want the Cup.

• I pray to Ganesh again.

• Cocktail #6

• I think they showed the Stanley Cup guy polishing the cup. On an aside, I wonder where I can apply to be the Stanley Cup waxer guy. Actually never mind, dude is massively creepy. You think he enjoys spending all this time with Cup. You'd think he could channel that into maybe finding a spouse?
  

• Wings continue to dominate. This is going to be painful.

• I debate turning this off but decide to stick with the boys.

• The Flower gets pulled and Bill Cowhard puts in Max Talbot?!

• I yell to Sister why Talbot is out there and continue to curse Cowhard.

• Zetterberg has a chance to score but doesn’t. The agony is unbearable

• WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP. WE WANT THE CUP.

• The puck gets dumped in. Malkin and Talbot charge on Rat bastard. Rat Bastard coughs it up again! Pens get control. Somehow Max Talbot scores!!!!!

• I yelp like a Dog that’s been kicked. HOLYSHIT!!!!

• Everyone is stunned. The announcers, the crowd, everything.

• Wings get a chance to score another go ahead but luckily don’t as we go to Overtime.

• Cocktail #7

• Wings come out as if the Penguins just stole their girlfriend and dominate.

• Flower comes out large stomping Holmstrom on a backhand

• Zetterberg smashes Fleury and rightfully gets called for interference. Douchebag.

• Penguins impotent powerplay does nothing. No Gonchar meant Purse Boy would lead the charge.

• Purse Boy ends up playing every 2 shifts. He will screw this up I know it.

• I remain standing. Cocktail #7 sits there like a log. I attempt to remember where I stood where Talbot scored goal #3. I think I just stood there. Sister attempted to move her and spot before I said you can’t go anywhere and it would screw with the energy. The playoffs turn me into Joe Jackson.

• Fleury keeps the agony going. Cocktail #7 is lonely.

• We go to OT 2.

• Phones and texts are sent.

• They can’t win this can they? seemed to be the common message
  

• I think the Pierre McGuire says Sykora just told everyone he will score. That’s funny because he hasn’t done shit in about 6 games.

• Wings run Fleury again: PP Pens. Pens do nothing

• Pens hit a post somewhere.

• Than Babe Ruth gets called for holding? I can’t await to refer to Sykora as Hasselback in my blog post tomorrow, I ponder.
  

• The Flower comes through again!!!

• 3^rd OT

• Half drunk, I disband all notions of energy, karma and juju, and staying in one happy place and run to get a slice.

• Cocktail #7 gets sipped on. All is right with the world.
  

• I wonder if I should call in sick tomorrow. Than I remember I did that about 2 weeks ago. Son of a bitch!

• How long is this going to go?

• Sister asks if I should go to bed. I say curse word.

• Wings again come out like assholes again. Somehow the Penguins and their 5 shitty defensemen keep them from scoring.

• Back to standing. Can’t fuck with the energy

• I see Sergei Gonchar back on the bench. The man looks like he just got smacked in the head with a brick.

• Rob Suckderi gets sticked in the face and draws blood. I wonder if he channeled Vince McMahon to use the old tape a razor blade to your glove and bleed as they do in the WWE.

• 4 minute power play!!

• Gonchar comes off the bench. WTF. I get some text about Willis Reed or something. I have no idea what that means.

• Babe Ruth steps on the ice. Perhaps Cowhard is sensing the future.

• Evgeni Malkin has the puck behind the net and gets it to Sykora.

• A massive YEAAAAAAAAAA is heard as I run out to the Balcony. Ready to yell out a Drama-esque Victory, I stopped myself and hopped around like an asshole instead.

" Even White Boy has got to shout" Big ups to Penguins,engulfing some Yankee Self-Haterade and a shot at a pitcher on the other NY Team

I'm very happy for my boy Mahatma, I am very annoyed at some of my "boys" who wouldn't know me from a hole in the wall, and Oliver Perez sucks when he isn't pitching against the Yankees

(1) One of the most exciting sporting contests ever....... How can this evening's game 5 between the Penguins and Redwings be described any other way. I'll leave any analysis to the hockey fans who write for the blog (a.ka. everybody but me and maybe Merloni?) but even for a general sports fan like me this game was intense. When any shot on goal by the Wings could mean hoisting Lord Stanley's cup; it gets even the most casual of hockey fan's, such as myself, watching. 3 periods of regulation and 2.5 overtimes later, the Penguins silenced a capacity crowd of 20,000 hockey fans and 500 octupus (octipi???). Congrats to the Igloo and I hope they pull off the miracle comeback.

(2) Andrew Eugene Pettite........ I love this man. He was the most consistent pitcher on 4 world series teams and was the only one of the starters on any of these teams to be a home grown Yankee (I don't count El Duque because he didn't grow up in the farm system). However, Andy, I'm finally getting pissed at ya. A savy vet such as yourself can't give up 3 consecutive leads in the same game. When there are two men out, no men are on base and you are facing a great hitter like Mauer, you can't throw an inside fastball in a hitter's park like The MetroDome. Sure enough, Mauer hit one that hasn't landed yet and Minnesota tied the game at 5 with 2 outs in the bottom of the 7th. He also pulled this crap against the mets a few starts ago giving up 3 runs in the 3rd after the Yanks jumped out to an early 2-0 lead.

(3) Kyle Fanrsworth Sucks....... I'm so freakin sick of this guy. He gives up a run almost every time he comes in. Now grant it, as Devo has pointed out in the past, This is okay if he comes in during the 8th and the team has a 2+ run lead and Mo is due to pitch the 9th. However, in a tie game with the great Joe Nathan waiting in the wings, this is a recipe for disaster. Sure enough, Kyle gets greeted by a booming double from Michael Cudeyer and he promptly scored after a sac bunt and an rbi single. Tonights 6-5 loss to the Twinkies enraged me mostly because this game was a microcosm of the team to this point so far; (1) zero clutch hitting, (2) pitchers giving up leads (3) the non Rivera-Joba pen being horrendous. 14 hits should account for more than 5 runs. Oy.

(4) I don't want to upset Miss Met too much..... but I have to kill Oliver Perez. I admit, this is largley because he destorys my beloved Bronx Bombers but yet is awful against everyone else. He has been bombed by the likes of the Buccos (Sorry Mahatma) and the lowly Giants but somehow makes the Yankees lineup look like a single A ballclub. Perez makes me nuts and I don't even like the Mets. He makes Mike Mussina seem calm and unflappable by comparison. If the slightest thing goes wrong he completley falls apart. Tonight he gives up a leadoff home run to Randy Wynn. Pitchers on his own staff like Johan Santana and John Maine will fight threw early struggles and realize they have a job to do; Perez falls apart and mentally checks out of the game. But hey, Rick Peterson is a great pitching coach right.

While you were the sleeping...

this guy scored.



See you Wednesday!

And what will Tuesday bring us?

Joba! Pedro! It's Tuesday night baseball at its finest in New York. One man's predictions on what's to come:

Joba

Best Case Scenario
6 IP, 2H, 0ER, 10K, 0BB-75 pitches

Worst Case Scenario
3 IP, 5H, 5 ER, 2K, 5BB-60 pitches

Probable scenario
5IP, 3H, 1 ER, 7K, 1BB-70 pitches


Pedro

Best Case Scenario
6 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 5K, 0BB-85 pitches

Worst Case Scenario
2 IP, 6 H, 6 ER, 0K, 4BB-60 pitches, tightness in shoulder

Probable Scenario
5 IP, 4 H, 3ER, 3K, 3BB-

Is there a hockey game tonight?

Madden 2009 Team Ratings!! Because you care about this more than hockey.

Patriots 97
Cowboys 96
Chargers 95
Colts 95
Giants 94
Steelers 94
Jaguars 93
Packers 91
Eagles 91
Bucs 91
Vikings 90
Browns 88
Redskins 88
Seahawks 87
Saints 87
Panthers 86
Broncos 84
Titans 84
Bills 82
Ravens 81
Bengals 80
Bears 80
Cardinals 78
Texans 78
Lions 78
Rams 77
Jets 76
49ers 72
Chiefs 71
Raiders 71
Falcons 67
Dolphins 67

- (source: any video game site)

The important question that must be asked is if it's still the same shitty game it's been since what Madden 2004?

Badass Weekend Music Clip

In honor of the SUS meeting happening at the Garden State Arts Center this weekend, we're going to break away from the traditional Who/Clash/Pearl Jam rotation to give you a badass clip of STP, probably the first time I really respected them:

The Importance of Research

So, I was trolling some blogs earlier today when I saw that it was South Park co-creator Trey Parker's birthday. So, in honor of one of my heros, I spent the morning compiling a stellar collection of Mr. Parker's finest work. Then I decided, for some reason, to see if it really was his birthday. Turns out I was only off by a few months. So you, lucky SUS reader get a wholly undeserved trove of killer videos to make your afternoon fly by. Enjoy!

The Trapper Song- Cannibal the Musical


American History


oh holy night - eric cartman


Part I - Your Studio and You


Part II - Your Studio and You


Crazy Old Lady In Orgazmo


Team America - Im So Ronery


America- Fuck Yeah!

MissMet On the Spot- Mets Turn the Season Around?

Last night, I went to the Mets game with some friends and we got a great show. At the start of the game, the team was 1-1 since the Big Meeting between Ownership and Management in regards to Willie Randolph's tenure with the organization. Tuesday night's win was solid. Santana pitched well and the team hit, getting help from the bullpen and the bench players. Let's not forget about those players that are now starting due to injuries galore aaand Carlos Delgado. With Ollie Perez on the mound, I was slightly pessimistic, due to his erratic throwing over his past few starts.
When we got to Shea (Katie and I weren't alone this time, so at least the Mets had that going for them), I noticed the starting line-up over the Will Call Windows. Normally, it features 'baseball cards' with the Mets that are starting in their batting order. Two of the cards were blank tonight and I was trying to figure out which newbies were taking over for the two injured outfielders. Turned out it was Nick Evans and Fernando Tatis, who just happened to be one of last night's heroes. Before meeting up with some other friends, Katie and I browsed the Mets Clubhouse Shop and found our fair share of awesomely cheesy items, but more on those later.
The game started off very well, with Rusty Staub pulling off the number 9 in the 59 to show that yes, there are only 58 (regular season) games left at Shea. Ollie got the (first place!) Marlins out in order in the 1st and then the Mets came out with some HOT BATS in the bottom of the inning. 2-0 after 1. Then, Ollie got them out 1-2-3 in the 2nd and it went through my mind- I will be present during not only the first Mets no-hitter, but a perfect game (honestly, this goes through my head when I leave my house in order to get to any Mets game, but getting the first 6 out only fuels this ridiculous fire). Either way, this didn't happen, because the first of many Marlins home runs was hit in the top of the 3rd. It was ok though, the Mets were winning and my friends were having fun. They enjoy baseball, but are not crazy like me. We were partaking in the songs and the cheers. We were eating the yummy ball park foods.
Then, the other shoe dropped. Ollie gave up his 3rd home run of the night and 2nd to some Marlin, whose name I don't even care about (oops, bitter) and the Mets were losing. After I became able to speak in words that weren't expletives, my friends tried to pep me up. 'There's still time' they said, 'this doesn't mean its over' they pleaded. They haven't really been through the trauma that Mets fans go through, so I was only half-believing them. I obviously felt there was glimmer of hope though, they all left after the 8th and I stayed. I mean, there was hardly any booing tonight. Aaron Heilman pitched 2 hitless innings. There seemed to be something special going on. Then Endy 'the catch' Chavez hit a game-tying home run in the 9th inning!! Amazing and awesome.
We were onto extra innings. After the 10th, I told myself that I'd stay through the 11th, no matter what. With the game still tied after 11, I bolted for the Southside Parking lot, so that I could at least hear the end. By the time I got to my car, the top of the 12th was over, and the Marlins were ahead again. Thankful that I missed that home run, I started my trek back to Jersey. I heard David Wright get a walk. I heard Carlos Beltran single while David was in motion, sending him to second. Along the Grand Central Parkway, I heard Damion Easley strike out. Then, across the Triboro Bridge, I heard Tatis double in the tying and winning runs. I let out a whoop as I got into the Bronx, but I also wished I was there. I've never seen a walk-off win in person, and I would have loved to last night.
All regrets aside, last night's win was fantastic. I don't think this team would have come back from being down twice in the 9th and the 12th 2 weeks ago. The whole team won the game, and the bullpen kicked ass.
As they play the Dodgers this weekend, let's hope the Mets take the hard work they've put into the series against the Marlins and run with it...

Awesomely Cheesiest Souvenirs at the Club House Shop
David Wright's picture surrounded by hearts on a necklace (also available in Jose Reyes)
'Diamond' studded NY on a Mets hat
Mets hat with flames
Any pink Mets paraphernalia
If I see anyone with any of these items, I will first be happy that they are Mets fans, but then laugh at their poor taste.

Oh by the way, in the picture above, the Mets are attacking Fernando Tatis for hitting the game-winning double.
~MissMet

Angry White Man's Irrational Opinion of the Yankees Lineup

1. Johnny Damon LF
For a leadoff man, he sure gets a lot of meaningless singles...

2. Derek Jeter SS
And why are those singles meaningless? Because they're followed by "The Captain." Apparently "Captain" is Native American for "He Who Hits Into Double Plays." Not for nothing, but he has the defensive range of a two-year-old. And I'm not saying that Sterling favors Jeter, but when Jeter strikes out swinging, Sterling gets livid that the umps think that Jeter went around on what was clearly a check swing.

3. Bobby Abreu RF
If the Yankees are going to employ a fielder who's afraid of walls, shouldn't he be converted into a second baseman? And in the time it took me to write that, Abreu just looked at strike 3.

4. Alex Rodriguez 3b
Fine, he's great. But is it worth it if I have to hear "Annnnnn A-BOMB. FROOOOM A-ROD." 50+ times every year? Very debatable.

5. Hideki Matsui DH
When I look at Matsui, I don't see someone who's Asian. I don't even see someone who is suddenly a Canseco-like awful left fielder. No, I see someone with a larger porn collection than me. And that makes this white man angry.

6. Jason Giambi 1B
I'm going to demand $50 from him when he finishes the year hitting .320 and I owe White Boy that money. And great, Giambi's hot again. But if this is going to result in him keeping his porn 'stache until he stops hitting, then put me with those rooting for him to go 0-45.

7. Robby Cano 2B
Needs a hunger strike in order to hit his weight.

8. Chad Moeller/Jose Molina
Even Angry White Man's distant cousin, Stoned Pacifist White Man thinks that these catchers should fuck off and die.

9. Melky Cabrera CF
No beef. Angry White Man approves. As such, Angry White Man now angry for having nothing to get angry about. Translation: Melky's an asshole.

Pens 3, Detroit 2

But I just spoke to Yinzer, (pictured above) who said he's still calling Wings in 4.

For what it's worth...

Michel Therien was FANTASTIC in Lethal Weapon 2

Happy Birthday Glen Rice

So today is Glen Rice's 41st birthday, just thought I'd mention that. He was always one of my favorite players in video game basketball, few shooters were better. Rice won an NCAA Championship at Michigan (MVP of tourney as well) in '89 and an NBA ring with the Lakers in 2000. Heres a couple videos to remind you of a star from the 90's.

Soccer Hooligans!

On Sunday I attended my first Red Bulls (a.k.a NY/NJ Metrostars, a.k.a who cares!) game and let's just say I wasn't that impressed. I mean, I know it's no World Cup but seriously, these guys should be playing a city park instead of Giants stadium. Of the 200 people that attended I was one of the 4 that spoke English. I think it's really funny when fans trashtalk in Spanish, but I wish I knew what they were saying (stupido pendejo!!).

But the game itself wasn't too bad. Usually these futbol contests end in low scoring but not this game. Chicago Fire (seriously, what kind of f*cking name is that?!?!?) scored 5 goals to Red Bulls 1. I've never seen or heard of 5 goals being scored against an opponent before (not since little league soccer...man I was a shitty ballkicker kid). Midway in the 2nd half it started to look like a hockey blowout, a fight broke out on field, refs and coaches shouting at each other etc. I wished I was at a hockey game at that moment. I always love watching the hockey fights when the goaltenders square off against one another and skate the course of the rink to attack. That would have been sweet if the soccer goalies had done the same.

Simply put I spent more $ on food and booze at the game then I did for the ticket and even booze couldn't help enlighten my MLS experience. Note to self....I miss football

Bartolo's Not a Playa, He Just Crushes a Lot

This is definitely my current favorite website. I'm honestly not sure how it is legal to put every Simpsons episode online where viewers can watch, free of charge. In fact, maybe I shouldn't be drawing attention to it by posting it on this blog. But I can't help it. This site not only lets me relive the glory days of The Simpsons (don't even talk to me about the past six or seven seasons), it also makes me feel like a genius for not buying any of the seasons on DVD. In all the fuss over Family Guy and Southpark during the past few years, I feel like The Simpsons has been lost in the shuffle. Which of the three shows is the best? Tough question, but to me, one that has a clear answer. The Simpsons (in its prime) really can't be compared to South Park at all - the only reason they have drawn comparison is the fact that they are both animated. This is ridiculous. You shouldn't compare Seinfeld to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia just because they are both live action. Can we just say that they are all - all four of them, in fact - hilarious shows, and leave it at that? Family Guy, on the other hand, for all its popularity, is a cut below the others. Way below. South Park was absolutely right in pointing out that it isn't even all that well written, and that the jokes generally have nothing to do with the plot. To me, one of the worst things about the show is that it doesn't even care about its characters. Peter, Lois, Chris and Meg are made of cardboard. We absolutely do not care what happens to them, or even whether or not the show resolves itself. Note the (ridiculously) extended fight sequence between family members at the end of one of the episodes. We don't care that the characters appear to engaged in a death struggle with each other, or that this is a sign of a profoundly messed up family. We are just supposed to laugh, because their fight is outrageous and unexpected. By way of comparison, I watched an old Simpsons today from Season four, called "Duffless." It is one of my favorite episodes in the entire run. The plot is simple: Homer gives up beer at Marge's request, and the two of them reconnect at the end. Some of the gags are hilarious: at one point, in the Duff Beer factory, we see a safety inspector checking beer bottles for foreign objects. He is momentarily distracted - just long enough for a bottle containing Hitler's head to fly by. And for all of its humor, the ending - Homer and Marge ride a bike singing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" - has some genuine emotional power. Is there a joke at the very end? No, not really. And yet the whole episode is infinitely better written and, I think, funnier than that episode of Family Guy that has the fight at the end. Basically, we are looking at two shows: one funny show with a soul, and one less funny show with no soul and no standards. Guess which one I pick?

I am really not a fan of these west coast Red Sox games, but I did enjoy waking up to find that we had beaten "King" Felix. Actually, we feelings were mixed, since I have Felix on my fantasy team. But as always, "real" loyalty wins over fantasy loyalty. (The topic of fantasy-real life conflict is a whole other blog.) The big story of yesterday's game is Bartolo who, with the retirement of David Wells, is the new "I can't believe a guy that fat can be paid to play baseball" posterboy. Seriously, which active players come close to Bartolo for sheer chubbiness? Dmitri Young is definitely in the conversation. Another question is, how excited should I be about this Bartolo phenomenon? It seems to be pushing it to hope that he could step in and be his Cy Young self - or even a rotation fixture for the rest of the reason. Consider me cautiously optimistic. A quarter into the season, our rotation is by far my biggest area of concern. A casual fan might look at the stats right now and see no cause for alarm. We have 8-0 Dice-K, Playoff hero Beckett, No-hit Lester, Bartolo, Steady Wakefield and the other No-hit guy, Buchholz, and oh yeah, Curt Schilling waiting in the wings. And yet... Beckett has been good sometimes, but also a little shaky, Lester has been untouchable sometimes, but also erratic. Same with Wakefield, only more erratic. And Dice-K... He is 8-0 with an ERA under 2.50, so I shouldn't complain too much. And yet, no 8-0 has ever been more terrifying or instilled less faith in a fan. There have been starts this year where I wonder if he will ever throw a strike again. There have been starts was he's thrown approximately 423 pitches entering the fifth. He is getting a ton of run support right now. I'm not implying he's Barry Zito, as some sky-is-falling Red Sox fans would have you believe. But he is also not having an 8-0 type season so far, regardless of what his record says. As one of my fantasy pitchers, he gives me the double heart attack every time out there. I've already a bit too much Dice-K for one year.

And he's still a safe bet to be 9-0 by tomorrow, given how Seattle's line-up looks so far.

Satan's Brew

Health researchers have identified a surprising new predictor for risky behavior among teenagers and young adults: the energy drink...Super-caffeinated energy drinks, with names like Red Bull, Monster, Full Throttle and Amp, have surged in popularity in the past decade. About a third of 12- to 24-year-olds say they regularly down energy drinks, which account for more than $3 billion in annual sales in the United States.

New research suggests the drinks are associated with a health issue far more worrisome than the jittery effects of caffeine — risk taking.

In March, The Journal of American College Health published a report on the link between energy drinks, athletics and risky behavior. The study's author, Kathleen Miller, an addiction researcher at the University of Buffalo, says it suggests that high consumption of energy drinks is associated with "toxic jock" behavior, a constellation of risky and aggressive behaviors including unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence.

I'm not a doctor, but "unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence" just sounds like good ole American fun to me. Where would this country be with out whores, drunks and fighters? Still in the British Empire I daresay, and nobody wants that. And since when is "risk taking" a health issue? Isn't that extremely vague? I mean, having that one last shot(Fuckin Jagerbombs!) before you drive that sloppy drunk girl home from the bar may be a health risk in any number of ways, but that $2G's I laid down on the Penguins to score a goal in the Finals was purely financial. Though my bookie Vinny says it may turn into a health problem very soon.

The point here is that Red Bull never made me do anything that the 3 whiskeys I had before hand weren't already going to make me do. Though if they started carding for Red Bull, it might single-handedly bring down the club scene in New Jersey and the Fraternity/Sorority system nationwide. And then where would the hyper, drunken, low self-esteemed slutty girls be? Drunk and looking for attention in Brooklyn bars. Wait, maybe this isnt such a bad idea....

A Few Thoughts from a Weekend Spent in Miami (The City Where The Heat Is On All Night On The Beach To The Break Of Dawn)

I spent 36 hours last weekend in Miami for my cousin's bachelor party. I wrote about these kids on an old blog, but for now let's call them Ron (Best Man) and Jeremy (Bachelor). A few thoughts:

-Took about 2 minutes before Ron & Jeremy brought up what they like to call "The First Place Florida Marlins." I responded to them later in the evening with the following:

"Hey Ron, you see the Yankee game on Sportscenter? You see those people who seem to be watching the game? Those are called fans. You'll start to see them down here if the Marlins get to the later stages of a World Series."

Of course, Ron responded "First place Marlins." Touche, sir.

-You know that a bachelor party is going to be a shitshow when the place you go for dinner, before the booze starts to flow makes the paper the previous day because they were at the center of a bookmaking scheme.
"Yeah, I'd like the 8 oz. filet, the side of salad, and $200 on the Yankees."

-Got to ride in a stretch hummer limo built for 20. Can't complain about riding in style, but let's just say that they should come with restrooms if you're driving more than 20 minutes. And that's all I have to say about that.

-As for the bachelor party? Um, I'm not sure. I drank a lot of booze before we left Ron's house, drank my fair share in the limo, don't remember the strip club and passed out in the 2nd club. I bet the others had fun though. And for the record, there's no worse feeling than not remembering a fantastic strip club.

-On a similar note, it's weird going from a strip club to a real club. The girls at the club expect you not to touch them and shit, like they have rights. Who do they think they are?

-In a surprising turn of events, I was actually able to find Vs. and watched a few minutes of the Stanley Cup. Want to stick out in Florida? Do any of the following:

1. Wear a Pro-Castro t-shirt.
2. Wear a Pro-Palestinian t-shirt.
3. Wear an Obama '08 t-shirt.
4. Attend a Marlins game.
5. Watch a hockey game.

-If you haven't yet, go ahead and watch the Miami music video up top. I defy you to not get into the groove. It brings me back to the days of laser light bowling. SHMUCK knows what I'm talking about.

So...

Since our adoring public has clamored for more Penguin articles, I decided to take a quick little recap of the Stanley Cup Finals right now.

You know that feeling when you go up to this really attractive girl and she humors you a bit before Brad Pitt swoops by and they go back to his place.

Yea that's kind of like how it is right now.



On another note, I think Chris Osgood should volunteer himself for the olympic diving contest.
The man can fool any judges as evident by this game 2.




Check back later this week as we officially end Penguins month here at SUS and I personally crawl into a blawging purgatory until football season.

The History Channel Hates America

Every year on seemingly all of the important and patriotic holidays (Memorial Day, 4th of July) the History Channel tends to show a Band of Brothers Marathon. But recently, The History Channel merged with Al-Qaeda and the prophet Muhammed, pictured below. (just kidding) What are the results of this? Well, put simply, this means no Band of Brothers Marathon on History Channel today.

Hey History Channel, why do you hate America?

But screw it. As a gift from us to you, SUS Nation, on this day to honor our nation's soldiers, we give you my favorite episode, The Breaking Point, Episode #7 as Easy Company defends their foxholes in Bastogne. Enjoy: