FANTASY BREAKDOWN

Summer is here and there is absolutely nothing to watch on TV for the next 2 months (unless your whiteboy and worship the YES network even on Yankee off days)!! Yea sure, the Olympics are on this summer but does anyone else besides me feel pedophilic when watching the women’s gymnastics (talk about tight!)? Even HBO (for those who have it…seriously why don’t you?) is lacking with their summer criteria (Entourage, Big Love, Curb Your Enthusiasm coming later in the fall). So Folks, it’s almost here, the next NFL season approaches (finally I’ll have something to contribute to SUS)! So if you’re a fantasy football junkie like myself, these are my rankings and projections for the following 08 season, and if you’re a basketball fan feel free to open another browser and start jerking off or simply kill yourself.

1. TOM BRADY – 18-1 WAAAAAAA!! Still, can’t argue the fact he had the best season by a QB ever last year (at least since the NFL bought pen and paper and started recording statistics). Plus with the same o-line protecting him there’s no doubt in my mind he can’t put up similar numbers again


2. PEYTON MANNING – He’s the face of the NFL, and an ugly one at that. It sounds like Marvin Harrisons’ career is done and what a shame that is. Still without him, Manning had his typical pro-bowl season and he should still be a top 3 QB in every league.


3. TONY HOMO – “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Well, I still hate him as a player but I got to respect his game and his taste for blondes. I’d rather have Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood than Giselle Bunchface and Bridge Moynapreggers (Brady’s bitches).


4. BEN ROETHLISBERGER – Ask and you shall receive. He wanted bigger targets at WR and he got one when they drafted Limas Sweed. I’m actually considering making him one of my keepers. Mendenhall and Parker is a great duo in the backfield, watch for more play-action passes.



5. DREW BREES – With Deuce back to help the running game (Fuck Reggie Bush) Drew won’t need to throw as many balls and can return back to his 06 form.


Those top 5 are no brainers; here is a list of your “Safeties” and “Doorknobs.” Safeties being solid options (and chances) but Doorknobs….well if I need to explain that then step into my office, because you’re fucking fired!

SAFETIES

MATT HASSELBACK – A solid fantasy player for the past 6 seasons. He lost a big target in DJ Hackett but he plays behind a solid o-line that gives him plenty of time to make plays.
PHILIP RIVERS – He’s a real cocky bastard but on some level you have to respect him, especially when he delivers. It’s still the LT show but he’s a guarantee for at least 20+ TDs and 3500+yds.
DONOVAN MCNABB – With a healthy Brian Westbrook there is a solid fantasy QB in McNabb. Desean Jackson wasn’t the answer they needed at WR but he’s not going to hurt them in anyway. Don’t wait on him too long because he could go early and if he does, make sure you draft a suitable backup because he’s sure to go down with an injury.
DAVID GARRARD – Jaguars are a run first team but this offseason they stacked up on receivers. Now can any of them get open?

DOORKNOBS

CARSON PALMER – Be careful with Palmer because if Chad Johnson does get traded this will certainly hurt his stock. Bengals are a mess right now and I’d be careful who you draft from this team. Houshmanzadeh is only as good as when Chad is getting double teamed.
DEREK ANDERSON – Was last season a fluke? I’m going to lean towards no. But if he struggles early on, Romeo won’t hesitate to start the Quinn show and I think that’s almost a certainty it will happen this season.
MARC BULGER – Can this man ever stay healthy!! I rode his train when he came in for the injured Kurt Warner years back and it’s time for my fat ass to get off. Hopefully you'll draft better than I.
JAMARCUS RUSSELL – Javon Walker won’t save the raiders but keep an eye on Russell’s progress, he could be a suitable bye week plug-in.
ELI MANNING – I wasn’t sure where to place him so I’m going to lean towards here (easy Devo and Whiteboy). He was stellar from the last couple of weeks of last season to the superbowl. He’s definitely a #1 QB but for your fantasy team? I don’t see it. Be careful if you draft him
ANY JETS QB – Any team who hasn’t decided on their starter you just simply don’t draft.

ANY BEARS QB – Because they’re DA BEARS

BRODIE CROYLE – I hope he does a little better than last season just because I want to see more pictures of his wife (PLAYBOY BABY…..DO IT!!)



RUNNING BACKS COMING SOON!!

Cheers to Wimbledon!

About time

It's about time people took back their fair cities and once again, London is spearheading social reform.

Look i have no beef with most animals but pigeons are one of them. How many times do these things shit on your balcony? How many times are those rat birds in your way while walking down the street? How many times do they wake you up on Saturday/Sunday Morning with the incessant hooting and hollering? Not only do we NY'ers have to deal with the tourists but these bastards of the animal kingdom also. Hats off to the Wimbledon staff for having the cajones to do such things. Perhaps NYC can implement the same measures.

“Since the use of marksmen to kill pigeons appears to have been carried out as a first, rather than a last resort, and not out of a concern for public health, but rather because the animals were deemed inconvenient by players, you appear to be in clear violation of the law,” PETA vice-president Bruce Friedrich said

Really? Look you pigeon lovers, do you really want this on our fair streets? Gross.



THIS IS A VIOLATION of HYGIENE. Maybe we should put Bruce in one of these and see what he has to say following?


Look we have to worry about enough walking down the streets. From the spit, cigarettes, cranes, buildings, and according to M. Night, construction workers. Lets employ some marksmen and take our city back from the dreaded rat bird.

Than we can employ said marksmen to work on our rodent problem as well.

You know what really grinds my gears?

(1) Pacman Jones

I hate this guy. He is, at worst, an accomplice in an attempted murder of a police officer. He has been given 3rd, 4th and 5th chances in life that you or I would dare not dream of having. Worst of all, he can't even put a rational sentence together. "I was being rebellion." Are you freaking kidding me? How can you go to any college and not be able to properly distinguish "rebellion" from "rebellious." (Editor's note, obviously you've never been to WVU) Oh, and now he has the gall to call out anybody else for being a bad person, ascribing racist sentiment to Don Imus's comments without even caring to understand the context of said comments. Pacman said he will pray for Imus. Hey Pacman, why don't you pray for the guy who you put in a G-d damn wheel chair you piece of shit. You make me sick.

(2) Don Imus

Don't think you were getting off Scott free here I-man. While Pacman is a moron, you are pretty foolish yourself. Your comments about the Rutgers women's team were despicable and clearly racist. I don't think you meant anything by your recent comment about Pacman Jones, but the very fact that you would even touch race as a topic, when you were fired from your last job and humiliated beyond words for uttering racially insensitive remarks, shows how much of a shock-jock you truly are. To think that great minds of our time like the late Tim Russert and Al Gore would come on your show.

(3) Al Sharpton

I'm not sure what grinds my gears about him but the editor told me to get on him too. Apparently he has threatened to do something if Imus receives no discipline for his recent comments. I think what you do for the Sean Bell's and Amidu Diablo's of the world is truly admirable but leave Imus alone. He is a bitter, old country boy who has no influence on the young minds that will shape the future of this country. Stick to the aforementioned important things or else you will just continue to be thought of as a racial ambulance chaser by myself and much more importantly, people that actually matter on these issues.

(4) The Wilpons

I'm sorry, I can't let this story die. You fire a guy at 3am so that you think nobody will pick up the story. (Editor's note: I'm surprised no one has made a Hilary 3am phone call reference with this story. Maybe I just need to stop smoking the political crack pipe) Then, you wait a full week and make a statement that you think Omar Minaya has done a great job. Lets see, Santana is under-performing, Beltran is horribly overrated and as soft as tissue paper, and your new manager who is being praised by everyone for no reason is 3-3. Yup it must be Willie's fault though. You guys are a joke. Its hard to make Hank Steinbrenner look gracious and sensitive but congratulations Fred and Jeff, you have.

(5) Yankees Offense

How does a team that has 4 guys playing at all world levels score a combined 6 runs against one of the worst teams in baseball? I was out with a young lady Saturday and I check my phone and to my horror see that the Reds have a 4-0 lead in the 8th. Friday night you lost to a great young pitcher in Volquez (best atmosphere at a home game this year by far) but how do you get shutdown, including not scoring with the bases full and 0 outs in the 2nd, by a minor leaguer? I'm getting sick of this team never performing against pitchers they have not seen before. Scouting reports are important but great hitters like A-rod, Damon and Jeter should be able to get the job done against any guy making his first career start. I expect a much better showing against the Buccos this week offensively. The pitching has actually carried this team as they have compiled an amazing sub 2 era over the last 10 games. That won't keep up with Chinny out until September so we need some more offense soon boys.

Point/Counterpoint: Should the Yankees Trade for Sabathia?

NO, NO, AND HELL NO.

By Devo

SUS Nation, I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell along with me

THE YANKEES ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES THIS YEAR!

THE YANKEES ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES THIS YEAR!

THE YANKEES ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES THIS YEAR!

Sure, the Yankees are putting together a nice little hot streak. And you’re starting to think that if everything comes together, if they can get timely hitting and pitching for 3 weeks in October, they can bring home a 27^th World Series Championship. And technically you’re right; but that’s not going to happen. No chance. And trading away prospects for C.C. Sabathia is going to do two things 1) not win us a championship this year and 2) hinder our chances of winning a championship in the future.

You can make an argument that our lineup is good enough to win a world series this year if everyone stays healthy. You also could’ve made that same argument the last 2-3 years, at which point our lineup came out flatter than your girlfriend's chest. The veterans looked old and the young guys looked inexperienced.

And what about the pitching staff? Make no mistake, Joba is an ace-in-waiting who simply needs to learn the nuances of major league pitching in order to ensure his Ace status. It would be refreshing to see Mussina and Pettitte at the top of the rotation…if Bill Clinton were still in the White House. But Pettitte is inconsistent at best. And while Mussina has been fantastic this year, I refuse to believe that he will come up big against the Red Sox in a big spot.

So the question remains, shouldn’t the Yankees go after a bonafide ace in Sabathia? Wouldn’t the rotation be World Series worthy if it included Sabathia, Joba, Pettitte, and Mussina? Well yes. But that still does not mean that this team can win a World Series. Frankly, this lineup that would win your fantasy league 10x's over has never gotten the best of opposing pitching in October, and there is no reason to think that Kyle Farnsworth can hold down an 8^th inning spot against the best teams in the game. And let’s not forget that our defense is going to suffer immensely if Melky Cabrera is part of a Sabathia deal.

Would Sabathia improve the Yankees? Sure. But would he enable them to win the World Series? Probably not. And more importantly, why not hold on to the kids? And then Santino Steinbrenner can send Luca Brasi over to C.C. Sabathia’s crib this winter and tell him that either his name or his brains will be on the contract.

Point/Counterpoint: Should the Yankees Trade for Sabathia?

Save our Season by Securing Sabathia

By White Boy South Bronx

Cheesy alliteration aside, the Yankees need to save this season. The team has the highest payroll by over 30 million dollars when compared to their closest rival in this department. This team is composed of highly paid veterans like A-Rod, Posada, Jeter, Abreu and Giambi. This team is now, thanks to beating up on some of the dregs of the National League, a healthy 6 games over the 500 mark.

The counter argument of course is that the Yankees had a chance to land an ace this offseason by offering similar packages that they would have to surrender now in order to land an ace. Furthermore, some will argue that the ace the Yanks could have landed this offseason, Santana, is superior to the ace they can land now, Sabathia. As I told Devo yesterday, tomato, tomAto. Both are great pitchers and Sabathia is a few years younger than Santana. As for giving up the same players in a trade now that the Twins asked for this offseason, there is nothing wrong with admitting to a mistake. Obviously the Mets front office has set a precedent that one cannot admit under any circumstances that it made any mistake or handled any situation poorly; but the Yankees are the Yankees for a reason. Its front office (save the mid 1980’s) is and always has been better than the JV organization across the Throgs Neck Bridge.

Finally, I have never bought into the idea of rebuilding if you don’t have to. Yes, in a salary cap world like the NBA, one horrible decision can force you into 5-10 years of mediocrity. However, in Major League Baseball, where the only salary cap is one imposed on itself by ownership, there is no reason a team like the Yankees should not try and win it all every year. More importantly, if Phillip Hughes ever became what Sabathia is now, I’d be doing summer-saults all across Park Avenue. (Editor’s note: This is now my main reason for hoping Phil Hughes makes the Hall of Fame one day.) So if the Yankees can trade a guy with potential for a guy that is really good right now, I see no downside to doing it. Oh, and if you think that Sabathia would not resign here after the season for big money, name for me the last superstar the Yankees acquired that did not resign here when given the ample opportunity to do so?

RIP

George Carlin earned fame with his bathroom humor, profanity and word play. But he had heart problems for years. Sunday, it killed him. Among his famous routines that people remember is how to classify drivers. "Anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

He wasn't everyone's cup of tea but he had his moments. Here are some of them:

Off Season Plan: Atlantic Division

I know what you're thinking: "now that hockey is over Yinzer is finally going to stop posting about it!" Wrong. When it comes to the Yinzer, hockey is never over. There's a greater chance of Patrick Ewing not choking in the playoffs, and that is considering he is retired. However I am not one without compassion, therefore instead of posting one for every hockey division, which I assure you I do have, I shall only post the one on the Atlantic Division which pertains to the website theme.

So I give you a team by team breakdown of the Atlantic Division teams fo their status going into the off season and a plan of action.

(F)- forward
(D)- defenseman
(G)- goalie


Pittsburgh Penguins
UFA’s- Marian Hossa (F), Pascal Dupuis (F), Ryan Malone (F), Jarkko Ruutu (F), Georges Laraque (F), Gary Roberts (F), Adam Hall (F), Brooks Orpik (D), Ty Conklin (G)
RFA’s- Marc-Andre Fleury (G)
Analysis:
The Pens have a lot of free agents going into the summer, and aside from Adam Hall all would be felt if they lost them to one degree or another. Marc-Andre Fleury is a goalie who has silenced most of his critics with a trip to the Stanley Cup Finals, and probably being the best player on his team through the playoffs.

What they should do:
The Pens could sign Hossa, but with what Crosby makes on his new deal and what Malkin will it would be much smarter to sign Malone and Orpik who could probably be had combined for Hossa’s price. Orpik is too important to lose and should be their first priority of the UFA’s. Fleury also needs to be signed before an offer sheet can be thrown at him, and while the Pens would match I’m sure they don’t want to pay that much. Roberts will probably retire and both Ruutu and Laraque are affordable and seem to like playing in Pittsburgh. Hall is a serviceable fourth liner, but ultimately replaceable. Pens will concentrate keeping their own, and sign maybe some spare parts, but don’t expect anyone significant to be signed this off season barring they lose all of their free agents.



New Jersey Devils
UFA’s- Sergei Brylin (F), Jay Pandolfo (F), Aaron Asham (F), Karel Rachunek (D), Bryce Salvador (D), Richard Matvichuk (D)
RFA’s- David Calrkson (F)
Analysis:
Everyone says how masterful Lou always is, yet many fail to realize his plan in the cap world is to give out long term deals to players so they take slightly less money. That slightly part is key there. He has quite a bit of money tied up in long term deals doing this, some good some bad. (I’m looking at you, Dainus Zubrus). Two defensive forwards in Brylin and Pandolfo are up for contract (the former has a club option) and it is not known if Lou will keep either. Though he only has $40mm tied up in the cap, New Jersey isn’t exactly the #1 attraction for free agents, especially ones who like scoring to go to. Still, expect Lou to give out another long term deal to someone undeserving in an attempt to bring an impact player in. Amazingly the Devils made the same mistake they made last year: playing Brodeur too much. Winning the division is nice, but it’s better to keep your aging starting goalie rested and not play him 70+ games and tire his out for the playoffs.


What they should do:
Seriously, if you can, trade Zubrus. He was never that good, only ever scored with Ovechkin (which anyone can really do) and was never that physical or good defensively as some pundits suggest. He’s worth about half his salary for half the term. They need scoring pure and simple so get someone in who can finish. And if you really want to go somewhere, play backup goalie Weekes more than a dozen times.



New York Rangers
UFA’s- Jaromir Jagr (F), Martin Straka (F), Brendan Shanahan (F), Sean Avery (F), Paul Mara (D), Michal Roszival (D), Marik Malik (D)
RFA’s- Nigel Dawes (F), Fredrik Sjostrom (F)
Analysis:
The Rangers will have a lot of cap room this off season with their free agents and I expect them to do a lot of tinkering this summer. Getting Jagr under contract is going to be a little tricky as since he arrived from Washington the Rangers have only paid half his salary, so that will probably create a rift in where the two sides want to meet. They will want him under contract so expect a casualty to be the likes of Straka. Malik is as good as gone (or at least off the books cause I think he was already in Europe), and Avery wants way more than he’s worth, and will probably go to the highest bidder (it is rumored he wants $3.5mm a year, and though valuable to the Rangers isn’t worth that kind of money). Shanahan is showing signs of age but look for him to sign for a little less. Mara will probably be let go and Roszival signed.

What they should do:
If they can get Jagr and Shanahan to sign incentive laden deals that are reasonable then do it. Giving Avery $3mm or more shouldn’t be considered, $2.5mm or less is what he should get. Roszival has blossomed since joining the team and with an up and coming defense with the likes of Tyutin, Staal and Girardi don’t expect Mara to stay. With the additional cap room though I fully expect GM Glenn Sather to seek out big name defenseman to stabilize the blue line some and have a shut down. I’m expecting to see Brian Campbell or Wade Redden in a Rangers uniform next year. A younger forward who can score is also needed as that is what the Rangers are lacking most with most their producing forwards being over 30. Still this is Glenn Sather so who knows which way he will go.



Philadelphia Flyers
UFA’s- Jim Dowd (F), Riley Cote (F), Jason Smith (D), Jaroslav Modry (D)
RFA’s- Jeff Carter (F), Randy Jones (D)
Analysis:
There seems to be a big deal made out of Philly’s off season with Carter needing new deals (I am not sure if the rumored Carter signing is true or not), but I think this is overblown. All their UFA’s save Cote for his cheap salary will be let go to free up space. With Mike Richards new deal kicking in next year Philly already has nearly $48mm committed of an expected cap of $56mm; the retirement of Sami Kapanen providing some relief though. Their off season moves will be limited, so expected some spare parts or maybe a decent support player but nothing more.


What they should do:
Obviously Carter was the priority and GM Paul Holmgren has already stated as much and if true has already signed him. There isn’t a whole lot Philly can do, so they don’t have many courses of action. Don’t expect them to be signing big names like they did last year, though they will probably pursue a cheaper puck moving defenseman, something they lacked enough of in the playoffs. Flyers will be back in the playoffs next year, but with so much cap tied up for so long don’t expect them to be spending big in the coming off seasons. Of course, they have been known to swing big deals, so don’t be surprised if a young forward to be dealt for a defenseman.


New York Islanders
UFA’s- Miroslav Satan (F), Ruslan Fedotenko (F), Josef Vasicek (F), Brian Berard (D), Wade Dubielewicz (G)
RFA’s- Sean Bergenheim (F), Bruno Gervais (D), Aaron Johnson (D)
Analysis:
The Islanders have a chance to trim some fat, and rumor is they’ve already told Satan and Fedotenko their going to be cut loose which is smart as the former has disappeared since coming to the Isles and the latter was worth a fraction of what they paid him. Vasicek was a pleasant surprise but he is rumored to be on the way out. Dubie, while liked by the fans is replaceable make no mistake. Look for the Isles/Fishsticks (it just doesn’t get old) to bring in young talent from the farm.


What they should do:
Outside of goaltender the Isles need to improve everywhere. They need a few wingers who can put the puck in the net as Trent Hunter is the only one who can really do that besides an aging Bill Guerin. Of course the defense isn’t a whole lot better when Brendan Witt and Andy Sutton are your two best stay at homes. Of the two though I would concentrate more on scoring as both the Pens and Rangers displayed you don’t need elite defenseman to go far (not that it doesn’t help). The free agent scoring pool is thin this year, especially for anyone under 35 so barring some young players stepping it up big time don’t look for much improvement from the Isles. Trading picks and/or prospects for established players though is a viable option at this point.

End the Rangers!

A few days ago, the New York Rangers decided to sue the NHL. In doing so, they violated the NHL's Constitution. The NHL, in a letter drafted by Gary Bettman, said, "potential actions against MSG may include suspension or termination of membership, damages payable to the league and other teams."

To paraphrase Walter Sobchak of Big Lebowski fame, "This isn't Nam, this is the NHL. There are rules." And is a wealthy organization like the New York Rangers simply going to learn their lesson by having to pay a small fee in damages to the league? I think not. Who's to say that they won't break more rules? No, the NHL must make an example out of them. The Rangers, like Luca Brasi, should sleep with the fishes. How else will teams learn?

Random Crap

Summer fridays are awesome. So awesome it allows me to surf the internet in freedom to find the latest and dumbest things around.




Apparently it's the NHL draft this weekend. I'm sure you all are dying with excitement as we are. Atleast, the NY isles have an early pick so all you Isles fans can look at the next guy you will trade at the trade deadline next year. This guy will be the first pick. He's from Canada and he plays hockey. Tampa has the first pick also.



Other things of note:


Props to Brooklyn Education system



The new thing from space that will kill us:



fantastic!


But don't worry everyone, we will soon have H20 powered cars!



Let's check in with what Ice Cube has to say about this:


Indeed.


And lastly some mind reading:



Have a good weekend folks!

Welcome, Jerry! (MissMet's Positive Outlook for the Beginning of Summer)

Hey there, Sports fans. Today is officially the first day of Summer Vacation, unfortunately also known to me as Unemployment. Even though I now have to face the scary job market, I will be looking at the positives:

1. Wimbledon starts on Monday and I will be able to watch the early rounds without that pesky thing known as 'work' getting in the way. Go Rafa!
2. The Mets are (FINALLY) done with their games on the West Coast this season. I hope the fact that the team did all of their traveling out west in the first half of the season will help them out after the All-Star Break, when every other NL East team has to travel more. We all know that the Mets haven't exactly benefited from all of their travel, suffering from Met Lag after an ESPN Sunday Night Baseball game in New York and a Sunday doubleheader in New York before their last two trips.
3. With a Braves loss yesterday, the Mets have moved into 3rd place in the division. The team also had a real off-day yesterday that didn't involve a rainout or a Charity Event.
4. With the media firestorm mostly behind them, new Manager Jerry Manuel can finally focus on baseball and turning the team around. Let's take a look at Jerry and two of his new coaches, Dan Warthen and Ken Oberkfell.
Jerry Manuel
The 2000 AL Manager of the Year for the Chicago White Sox led his team to a 95 win season. Manuel was fired by the Sox because the team became complacent with him and his chill demeanor. Personally, I have always liked Manuel, especially when he, not Willie, got thrown out of the game against the Yankees while he argued Delgado's non-homerun call. That, I said to myself, is the kind of passion we need here for the Mets. Jerry faced his first on-field challenge when he took a foot-stomping, whiny Jose Reyes out of the game for precautionary measures. Manuel then followed the child to the clubhouse to kick his ass, I mean, knock some sense into him with a stern chat. Reyes turned out to be fine, but how can you blame the man? This was his first game and he was already under a crazy amount of scrutiny. There's no way he's going to take a chance with his team's igniter. Also, in his first game, Wright was the DH, which meant that he finally got some rest. I really don't know why Willie was so intent on having David play every inning of every game. Didn't Reyes stop playing so well last August/September because he was so tired (or addicted to some drug or another)? It just seems wise to rest players a little more and then have them available to pinch-hit late in the games. If the season continues the way it has been, how important have the late-innings been? Manuel also said that he plans to rest his starters on the road, so that the fans get to see the stars and once again, the team is rested. Sounds good to me, man.

Dan Warthen
This man is described as the anti-Rick Peterson. Peterson was a zen master, who I thought was kinda cool. I mean, you have to be pretty comfortable with yourself to give a statement to baseball reporters about the Eastern language symbol of crisis and how the symbol is the same for opportunity. He also said that the team was renovating its house and he was a hardwood floor, while they were looking for Tuscany tile. Apparently, Warthen is nothing like this. He's more simple: use your strengths as a pitcher to be the best pitcher you can be. He has been the pitching coach for the Tigers, Padres, Mariners and the bullpen coach for the Dodgers.

Ken Oberkfell
The new first base coach was a member of the Braves and Cardinals, amongst others. He was the manager of the New Orleans Zephyrs before moving up to the majors this week. Some say that he should have been named Mets manager because he is everything that Willie is not- fiery and aggressive. Plus, he has a ton of managerial experience in the Mets organization. He is in the know when it comes to the prospects. Maybe he'll prove himself to be worthy this year as 1st base coach and the Mets will decide to promote him once the season's over.

I really am not sure how much these guys are going to change things. I think that the team needs a kick in the ass, but that might not be enough. Maybe they are just too old or just don't mesh well together. The next chapter of the saga of 2008 starts tonight when the Mets take on Colorado, with Johnny Maine pitching against Aaron Cook.
~MissMet

Apparently Nationals Field doesn't want my money...

Looks like the good people in charge of Nationals Field are taking Equal Protection a little too far, no?

Is there a basketball game tonight?

probably but I'd rather watch this.





I dare Kobe to try to bust that shit out...

Some Things We Learned From Watching Weeds

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Mary Louise-Parker. Still hot. Very hot. Like I wonder if her tv kids realize how lucky they are to play the children of someone so hot.

-Jewish women in their late 50's love Albert Brooks. And if that's not entirely true then, well, my Mom loves Albert Brooks.

-Shane, the young kid went through puberty. Which makes sense, since the kid is probably 14. Unfortunately there's about 3 hours difference between last season's finale and this season's premiere. So in the span of about 3 hours, Shane's balls dropped. Pretty realistic, no?

-The writing is still fantastic. Best line of the night: Andy talking about jerking off in his childhood room, with the stains still on his wall, followed by Nancy saying that her children are sleeping next to their unborn cousins.

-But as far as the plot is concerned, this season could go either way. Apparently Nancy is going to be a drug runner for the Latinos, making frequent trips across the border. I like the idea of more Guillermo Diaz, AKA the "Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, I'm out" guy from Half Baked; but I'm not sure that I buy Nancy as a drug mule. Eh, either way, I'm glad it's back.

Yankees and Mets Owners Try to Out-Asshole Each Other

Whether it's Jeff Wilpon making Omar Minaya fire Willie Randolph in a cover-of-night move that would make Richard Nixon proud or Hank Steinbrenner trying to cover for the fact that his Taiwanese pitcher is a terrible athlete, know this, New York:

5 WEEKS UNTIL GIANTS AND JETS CAMP OPENS!

Good Decision, Bad Timing...Willie Randolph is Out

Today has been a weird day. When I woke up at 6:15, the power was out in my house. The weather has been going back and forth between blue skied and sunny to cloudy with the promise of rain. Last night, when I went to sleep, the Mets were winning 4-3 against the Angels in Anaheim. This morning, my dad woke me up to tell me that Willie Randolph (as well as Rick Peterson and Tom Nieto) had been fired and that Jerry Manuel was now the Manager. I was positive that meant that the team ended up losing last night then. "No, they won," my dad said. It was all a little strange and curious, but I didn't have to be up for work yet plus we didn't have power, so it wasn't like I could get on the internet and read opinion v. opinion v. opinion about what the hell went on last night at 12 am in Los Angeles.
When I did wake up, I was forced to listen to Craig Carton (oh, Boomer, why weren't you there today??) on the Fan. I slowly learned more about the goings from early this morning. Turns out, Willie was fired because of a press release (not directly because of a press release of course). Metsblog.com is reporting that management released the news so that Omar would have to fire him that night. This then, led to the end of the Willie Randolph Era, in a hotel room. However, Fred Wilpon is quoted as saying that the firing was all on Omar, because it is his team. Oh, who to believe...
Either way, why fire him after a win? Furthermore, why fire him after a win when they made him fly all the way to California for that win, when they easily could have fired him last Saturday or Sunday, or even on Thursday, the upcoming off-day? I agree that it was time for a change. It just seems like every ring in this Media Circus has made a mockery of a team that doesn't necessarily need to be made into more of a mockery. Just because I believe that he was not the right manager for the team does not mean that I don't like Willie. I definitely do and I feel badly for him. He got the shaft big time.
Meanwhile, the baseball world is salivating at the Conspiracy Theories: why was Sandy Alomar, Sr. the only coach not fired (and a Latino) - to run the show and the bad-mouthing of the team: New York Post's Mike Vaccaro calls last night, ‘A midnight massacre,’ which he describes as, ‘Disgraceful,’ and ‘Unspeakable,’ while asking, “Is this the best the Mets can do? Is this really what they are about? Can they really consider themselves a professional operation when they do the simplest task in sports, firing the manager, this wretchedly?"
So, there you have it. Out with the old, I guess.
Keep your eyes open for my look at the new guys and what they'll bring to the team.
~MissMet

I have seen Carl Lewis, and you, my friend, are no Carl Lewis. (Hell, you're not even BH)

Why do pitchers try so hard to rid baseball players of all credibility when it comes to claiming to be athletes? First we had David Wells and Rich "El Guapo" Garces. Now, Chien Ming Wang, a seemingly in-shape, healthy 28 year old pitcher hurt his foot running around the bases. I know CMW's injury was during the course of the game, but this has to be only slightly less embarassing of an injury than Sammy Sosa hurting himself sneezing, or SHMUCK hurting himself bowling, no? (True story about SHMUCK. Somehow it didn't get the same coverage as Sosa though.) But hey, in CMW's defense, running is difficult.

So now I'm just waiting for Joe Girardi or Hank "Sonny" Steinbrenner to blast interleague play, saying something along the lines of "these types of injuries happen when you expose pitchers to conditions that they are not used to." Or uh, maybe you can teach guys not to hurt their feet on that painful infield dirt. Either way, it serves the Yankees right for being so close to 5 games above .500.

Wow.

In this era when ESPN saturates with superlatives like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons, there are very few sporting events that live up to their hype. In fact, the only individual games that come to mind from the last few years are the Texas/USC Rose Bowl and Colts/Patriots from the '06/'07 playoffs. Well, add Tiger/Rocco at the '08 U.S. Open to the list. As if yesterday's matchup was not enough, the two Americans played 18 holes, ending just as they began, tied. Personally, I thought Tiger would lose after he missed a 50 ft. putt on 16 by about 3 inches. Shows what I know. Either way, props to Tiger and Rocco for making the average sports fan legitimately care about golf, if only for a few hours.

Sure there was an NBA game tonight...

but most importantly it's our fearless leader's birthday!!



Here's to another year!

Things I've learned from watching the NBA Finals.

I hate the L.A. Lakers. Their team is made up of 1) guys who suck 2) europeans who don't suck until there's pressure and expectations put on them and 3) Kobe Bryant, simply an awful, awful, human being.

I hate L.A. I've been over this before but every time I see their jerk-off fans, I'm reminded of what a jerk-off city it happens to be. Though for the record San Francisco rocks. (Hey, Devo, you know how I know that you're gay?)

I hate Boston. Love the town. Hate the people. Maybe diehard Celtics fans deserve to see their team return to glory. But you know what? Every Celtics fan is also a Sox and a Patriots fan. So screw them.

I actually like this version of the Celtics. It's simply not that easy to root against KG, Jesus Shuttleworth, and The Truth. But maybe L.A. fans are right. Maybe a guy who was stabbed 11 times and crawled to a hospital only to show up for the start of the NBA season 2 months later was faking his injury. Again, I hate L.A.

Go Celtics, with a quarter to go, I wish you guys luck. And more importantly, I really hope I don't have to see you guys celebrate with Sully, Murph and the rest of Masshole nation.

ps-Did anyone else see the end of the U.S. Open today? Holy crap that was amazing. Go Tiger.

R.I.P. Tim Russert

Why does his death suck? Because with the death of the last true journalist, assholes like us are going to take his place.

And for the record, I can't remember a time when someone so important and influential to society died at the top of their game. The only name I can think of is Paul Wellstone. Anyone who can come up with a better or more recent example of someone in society (not an athlete or celebrity) dying while still making an impact gets Straight Up Sports stock options.

The Day the Boston haters died: A diary of the monstrosity that was the Game 4 performance of Kobe Bryant and the Lakers

8:55pm: I am already becoming angry white boy as I see some kind of biblical passage flash on the big screen before the Lakers starters are introduced. I am as die-hard a sports fan as anyone on this blog or anywhere else; but it is more than a little absurd that words like courageous, brave and heroes are used when discussing athletes other than Jackie Robinson, Roberto Clemente and Ted Williams. Making a jump shot over two defenders is not an example of courage or bravery, just a great athletic play. Oy

9:00: NBA blatantly rips off Knicks jumbo-tron highlight clip-show where they show Patrick and Starks and LJ"s 4 point play and instead insert great clips of NBA finals past. Worst of all, they belittle the very franchise they ripped this off from by showing Tim Duncan destroy the aforementioned LJ in the paint during gone of the middle 3 games of the 1999 NBA Finals. Sadly, this makes me happy the same way Reggie's last game at the Garden made me happy, it reminds(ed) me that the Knicks were once relevant in the NBA.

9:08: Mark Jackson is clearly trying desperately to get a coaching job as he takes any chance he can get to critique/praise any minute coaching decision such as calling the first play of the game for a struggling Lamar Odom so as to "Un-confuse" his big man. Although Jackson might be right, I will view any comment he makes about a coach as an attempt to impress onlooking NBA GM's.

9:09: Pierce with early air-ball. Good to see. "Us" die-hard Lakers fans need him to suck. And thats promptly followed by a Ray Allen shot that barely grazes the backboard. Great signs a whopping 103 seconds into the game.

9:12: Why are Laker fans chanting MVP when Bryant already has won the award? Ugh I hate rooting for the same team as these Hollywood frauds. Boston hate will make you do some strange things.

9:15: Apparentley I should have been less skeptical of Jackson's comments. Odom move paying ealry dividends as he has 6 points on 3-3 shooting. Why is Jesus guarding Kobe?(no not that jesus, though I'm not sure he could guard Kobe either). Make that 4-4 16-6 with 8 minutes to go in first time out Boston !! MY LAKERS!!!!! (!!!= the sound of Whiteboy Clapping)

9:22: White boy Senior enters. 20-6 this is awesome! 24-7!!!!!!!!! this is crazy. Sr. says, "this is just like watching a hockey game, Randmanovich, Vujacic" .

9:30: Phil Jackson is greatest coach ever. He motivates his players better than any coach I have seen. Odom is now 6-6. 26-7.

9:35: The ex-Knick Trevor Ariza comes in and makes 1 of 2 but some white guy makes a 3 and its now 35-14 at the end of one. Jeff Van Gundy makes a great poing that "Doc Rivers can't be happy" Thanks Jeff. As a sidebar, how many more NBA Finals do I need to see ex knicks in. Mohammed, Mcdyess, now Ariza, I'm not saying we are cursed but if Steve Francis is in the finals next year I'm , as Devo would say "Calling Bullshit."

9:41: Former Knick killer Sam Cassell enters, is he the Celts human white flag? 37-14 this game might be over.

9:45: Ariza is putting on a hustle clinic, good thing we gave him up for the aforementioned Steve Francis a bastion of hard work and intensity.

9:52: Jeff Van Gundy asks "if anyone is funnier than Kevin James I wnat names". Sr. and I instantly come up with Larry David, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams. Oh its now 45-21 about which is about the time you start talking more about the announcers than the game itself.

9:58: Okay this is an unreal statistic. The Lakers despite being up 45-21 have only gotten 3 points and a startling 0 fg from Bryant. He does have 6 assists but still.

10:00: I beat Mark Jackson to the point that Phil Jackson called a great timeout here after the C's go on moderate 5-0 run. Nobody calls smarter and more perfectly placed time outs than Phil.
10:04: now its down to 45-33 if Celtics cut this to 10 or less by halftime thats an awful sign for the Lakers.

10:08: whfew back up to 17 50-33. Emphatic dunk by Gasol.

10:14: 54-39 with free throw coming after gasol makes a layup and is fouled. 9.1 seconds to go if they keep it at 16 thats big. Never-mind a foul very far from the ball though Rondo misses ft. JORDAN FARMAR!! big running 3 point jumper in lane 58-40!! great ending to half. Okay yanks till 2nd half. I'll spare you my random outbursts about Yanks bad situational hitting for another post. See you in 20 minutes.

10:42- quick 8-2 run for Boston to start half this could be an interesting quarter. Sr. fears that this game is now "in the danger zone" oh yea he bet on the Lakers.

10:43- But a quick 6-0 LA run scratches that idea. Kobe has his first 2 fgs of the game here in 2nd half. Hopefully that augers well for LA (if you don't know what auger means I'm sorry I'm a doctorate student and I don't apologize for using it)

10:46: Timeout Boston!! 68-48 LA. "I love LAaaa, I loveee it". I hate myself.

10:54: 7-0 run for Boston 70-57 with 435 t0 go in 3rd. Lets see if this is another generic run by an NBA team or if C's can pull within single digits.

10:56: 256 remaining in 3rd and now the lead is down to 11 72-61 LA this game is now very much in play. Oy vey.

11:03: Pierce just made an amazing "rip through" move, thanks jeff for that term, and 1. with this free throw its now a single digit game 73-64 LA.

11:05: We have an amber alert on the Lakers its now only a 6 point lead 73-67 with under 1 minute to go in 3rd.

11:07: I sit with my mouth wide open its now a 73-71 LA lead. An amazing comeback. This would be one of the all time single game choke jobs in a Finals game if this holds up.

11:14: The fix is in! Pierce breathes on Kobe and is called for offensive foul. sweet. Too bad Lakers can't score or get a defensive board.

11:16: Tie Game truly sickening.

11:17: If Sr. says that Pierce is better than Kobe one more time I"m going to.... well nothing cause he is my dad but its pissing me off.

11:25: whfew back up to 4 Kobe is finally asserting himself. For those of you scoring at home and who doesn't score basketball games? That is now 5-17 for the league MVP and a guy I basically called G-d in my finals preview article (G-d= Jevoah, Adonai, His/Her holyness) under 6 minute tv timeout.

11:29: Pau Gasol! a leaner in the lane Lake show back up 3.

11:31: Celtics have lead 84-83 and now have ball back on a turnover. Kobe is choking his team is choking. This is a horror show.

11:35: This is one of the most shocking sporting events I have ever watched. The Lakers are up 5 now with barely 2 minutes to go. Mad props to the C's they deserve this title.

11:40: Pierce shooting two up 3 with 1:44 to go. This game appears done. But as i say that pierce misses ft and makes second. 4 point lead . Kobe makes layup 2 point game.

11:43: In good news Matsui hit a grand slam in Oakland and its 4-1 Yanks. But I don't even care too much right now because I hate the Celtics too much. 3 point lead 46.8 to go Kobe is all over Pierce but is overaggressive and keeps fouling him very far from the basket. Kobe really looks lost out there. I'm as shocked to be seeing is it as I am to be typing it. Pierce Makes both 94-89 Boston.

11:46: game is over Allen takes it down to final seconds of shot clock and makes layup 5 point lead 16.5 to go. I congratulate the 5 real die-hard Celtics fans that went to games last year. The rest of you can go watch my Giants DVD. I live at..... Okay I won't give my address but you can email me and I'll give you my address there. I'll give you some popcorn and giants towels to cry into. 18-1 forever.

11:52: Oh yea, I'm the asshole, I thought this would be Kobe's coming out party. Instead it is a showcase for the greatness of Paul Pierce. I thought that the Celtics would need Pierce to outplay Kobe to have any chance in this series and he has. But he has outplayed him so much more than I ever thought possible that I am left flabbergasted. But don't worry critics, I WAS WRONG, I PREDICTED THIS SERIES WRONG. Hope that appeases whomever is reading this article.

Dear Plax, Do What You Gotta Do

A contract is a sacred thing. It binds two parties such that one performance binds another party to perform. In the instant case, Plaxico agreed to play for the Giants and the Giants agreed to pay Plaxico $5 million per year. This is less than other wide receivers, but the important thing is that this is what Plaxico agreed to. Had Plaxico signed the contract under duress (either your name or your brains on the paper) then he would not be held to the contract. But no, Plaxico was well informed of what he was getting himself into. He should be forced to honor the contract, no?

Nope. If this were baseball, basketball, or even the sport formerly known as hockey, he should be forced to honor his contract. After all, NBA, NHL, and MLB players will get their money no matter how little they play. (See Pavano, Carl) But in the NFL, where the owners have the right to deny players their benefit of the bargain (except for signing bonuses) Frankly, as annoying as it can be for fans, there's no reason for any of these players to not hold out and get what should be theirs, because they could be out of a job within hours if they're not performing. And granted, they're not exactly in need of a welfare case worker, but still, do unto others as they would do unto you. Do what you gotta do Plax.

A Few Mets Points,because apparently MissMet, SHMUCK, Merloni, BH and Yinzer are having a party and I wasn't invited

-Michael Kay, on his radio show, made the point that only Yankee fans really like Willie Randolph and want to see him keep his job. Mets fans will be happy to see him go, as he never really grew on them. Way to defy the odds Michael and make a good point. Didn't know you had it in you.

-Ron Darling said something last night that bothered me. In reference to some pitcher throwing a good game and getting an RBI, he basically said, "It's like in little league when you throw 5 great innings and get hits every time up." Way to relate to the common man, Ron. Allah knows that I'm not the most talented athlete in the world, but I don't think that's happened to me since T-Ball when I'd go the whole game without striking out and make a miraculous catch. You saying that is like me saying "yeah, it's just like when you bang 3 Playboy bunnies in one night." Sure, obviously I can and have done it. But is it really possible for the Ron Darlings of the world? Not likely.

I Was Waiting to Write Again Till the Mets Won...

...which they did last night (barely). Unfortunately, they lost in 10 to Arizona this afternoon, so my happiness was short-lived. During this horrendous stretch against the Padres and the Diamondbacks, the Mets have lost 6 of their last 7. Four of those games were lost by one run. Five of those games were lost in the later innings. After two straight days of great (if not practically flawless) starting pitching from Pelfrey and Santana, the bullpen has screwed it up. Last night, Billy Wagner gave up a game-tying home run in the top of the 9th, with Beltran saving his ass in the 13th. Today, aided by so-so pitching from Joe Smith in the 8th and Wagner's 3rd straight implosion, the Mets aren't looking too hot.
As a fan, I can speak for a lot of us who are just feeling like the wind is out of our sails. After the awful series against the Padres and the weird game (complete with a tornado) on Tuesday night against the D-Backs, it just seemed like things were swinging back in our favor during Pelfrey's outing. Both the SNY guys and the WFAN guys were high on Pelfrey. He pitched well against the Ace Brandon Webb. He actually OUT pitched him, which says a lot. There was a shut out and he even got his first hit of the season. When Willie left him in to hit in the top of the 8th, I thought that he even might get a complete game.
Once the 9th started, Pelfrey was ready to go. Then, he gave up a lead-off single. As if he had springs in his cleats, out popped Willie Randolph from the dugout. The fans booed, but I understood where he was coming from. It was a nice outing, but let's not get carried away. Give the ball to the closer and end this thing. Oh, if only it were that easy. Ever. Before we all (including poor Mike Pelfrey) knew it, the god damn game was tied. A practically perfectly pitched ballgame- ruined. Morale went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows from Flushing to Jersey and back. Once Beltran won it with a walk-off home run 4 1/2 innings later, most fans were happy and even a few were jubilant. Others were just relieved that they had pulled that one out.
Back to today's game. I for one thought that it would be kind of easy. I was expecting to turn on my car on my way home from work to find the Mets winning, which is exactly what happened. Then, on my way home from my second job, things had gotten a bit stickier. Smith had given up two in the 8th and the Mets had failed to score on some golden opportunities (what else is new?) in the bottom of the inning. So, come on in, Billy. Give up hits and walks to load the bases with no outs. Let the tying run score from 3rd on a very close play that would have gotten the final out at second. That is part of what is so frustrating. How many times have they come this close to eking out a win or a scoreless inning with everything bad happening at the very last minute. I just don't get it.
What I do get is that this past week has been ugly and I don't know what can be done to make things better.
WTF
Also, to add more shit to this pile, Moises Alou was back from the DL for 3 (three) at bats and one game (which he did not play in) before he was sent there for the 3rd time this season. I feel awful for him, but it kinda makes me want to throw up.
~MissMet
Oh also, in the above picture, Mr. Met has turned to food in times of struggle. Apparently, he's a stress-eater.

RIP

I puked outside there once or twice.

A few thoughts while putting out an Amber Alert on the rest of the SUS staff

GIANTS STUFF

-So Shockey is in minicamp but Plax is holding out? Is this some sort of relay race? Shockey starts it out strong! Hands to Plax, who reports to camp right as Pierce holds out, taking the baton from Plax. And finally, Shockey takes the baton back as he demands to be traded the day that Pierce reports to camp! What a relay!

No but seriously, it's good to see Shockey back with the team. Anyone who thinks that the Giants are better with out Shockey is clueless. (And more importantly, doesn't have a mancrush on the man like certain slightly biased bloggers.) And Plax wants more money? My guess is that his performance last year while destroying his knees has to take a few years off of his career. That said, no one on the Giants earned a raise more than Plax. And apparently Reese & Co. have some money to play with now that Strahan is done.

Oh, and Plax not practicing? Well I'm not a superstitious man, but he didn't practice last year. And the season seemed to end alright.


THE NBA

R.I.P

You had a good run, but alas, you were the first professional sport since MLB nearly 90 years ago to have gambling completely, thoroughly, and more importantly, publicly infiltrate the game. And Babe Ruth aint walking through that door.

My dad has been predicting a moment like this in one of the 3 major sports or hockey for the last 5 years. He's not the only person to come up with this, but he's been pretty emphatic about it. Needless to say, since the new Donaghy allegations came out yesterday, he's been walking around with the sort of swagger that Dubya would have strolling out to a press conference after finding thousands of nukes in Iraq.

Let's hope that Sen. Specter shows some willingness to correct a problem that doesn't involve a Pa. team.

The sad thing? More likely than not, the only thing separating the NBA from the NFL, MLB, and NHL? The dudes in the NBA got caught. Too much money is on the line for these games for this not to have compromised all 3 major sports. And hockey.

Lets Playyy, which NY Baseball teaammm suuuucks mooooore (cue applause and cheesy game show music)

Both New York Teams have been impressively mediocre so far. The Yanks, after today's awe inspiring 3-2 loss to the Royals are back to 500 and the Mets, after a stellar 2-5 road trip are now 2 games under. Given that both teams have an off day and both have about 100 games to turn around their seasons, here is a breakdown position by position of which NY team is more mediocre.
(Worse player is the 'winner' at each positition. Though there are no winners in this comparison.)

1st base- This one is no contest. Jason Giambi has been red hot the last 2 weeks raising his average to respectability as his on base percentage creeps towards .400 and his power numbers begin to resemble the Giambi of old. Carlos Delgado still sucks. He can't hit a fastball and his defense is at best as poor as Giambi's. Furthermore, he is emblematic of the Met's blase, indifferent, and disinterested approach to playing the game of baseball. He has made several mental errors in the field and his sub .220 average makes him less than a major league starter at this point in his career. THE WINNER: Carlos Delgado

2nd base- This one is somewhat tricky. Luis Castillo receiving a 4 year contract is not quite as pathetic as the Giant's signing of Barry Zito, but it is pretty laughable. The guy has zero power and does not get on base enough to truly utilize his speed. His balky knees and lack of productivity in the 2 hole hurts the Mets chances of getting David Wright an opportunity to drive in early runs. However, he has good speed overall, plays sparkling defense and his switch hitting is a plus. Robinson Cano has had a terrible season so far. His 230 average does not even do justice to his immature and impulsive approach at the plate. He swings at way too many first pitches and when he doesn't, he inevitably chases a third strike out of the zone. He has been brutal in clutch situations as he has only accrued 20 RBI's even though he is surrounded by guys who are often on base. Although I am not a Castillo fan, Cano's overall play this year has belied the fact that he is in fact a career .300 hitter and his poor play has really hurt the Yankees chances of putting together any kind of winning streak. THE WINNER: Robinson Cano

Shortstop: This is an interesting debate. Both guys have underperformed this year. Jeter is hitting well under .300 and Reyes has seemingly taken many days off despite being in the lineup and playing on said days. Jeter can't afford to hit under .300 if he can't get more than a single and Reyes can't afford to play poorly because he is the Met's spark-plug, most important player, and most talented player. Reyes has all of the physical tools to be a perennial gold glover but makes too many mental errors. Jeter has all the savvy to continue to play the position but his complete lack of range and tendency to throw the ball away has made him a real liability at short. However, because Reyes is the Mets most talented and most important player, his inconsistent play wins him the award in this category: THE WINNER: Jose Reyes

Third Base: This is also a fascinating comparison because neither has really been disappointing. Wright's average is a little below what you want from your three hitter. He has never been a great defensive player. But Wright is a phenomenal hitter. He has power to all fields and has the chance to be a hall of fame player based on his offensive prowess alone. However, he has to take on the leadership role on this team even if he is younger than the more chatty vets like Billy Wagner (more on that fuck in a minute). A-rod's only problem this year, besides his horrendous numbers with runners in scoring position, is the fact that he had his first DL stint ever. His absence really destroyed the Yankees offense and I am not certain the Yanks can even climb back in the race because of the games the Yankees gave up during his absence (a horrible rotation won't help those chances either). I guess, because neither of these guys has done anything to merit a "this guy sucks" label, I will call this a draw : The WINNER: Nobody. You both cool with me

Centerfield- Melky Cabrera busted out of the gate this season. He was on pace to blast 30 plus home runs through the first month of the season and this seemed like more than enough offensive from a very good defensive player. However, Melky is still stuck at 6 long balls and has developed a horrible habit of swinging and making outs at first pitches. If a guy is not going to be a power hitter, he needs to be patient enough at the plate to allow the runners on base to run and to help run up a starting pitcher's pitch-count. Beltran is probably the most overrated player in the game though I am not sure by who. Met fans can't stand him and I don't blame them. He is too sensitive for New York and despite technically having 5 tools, he isn't outstanding at any one of them. He plays too deep in centerfield and he never even threatens a .300 BA. Even in the year he almost won MVP, his home batting average was under .250. Because Beltran is supposed to be a more important offensive cog in the Met's lineup than Melky is for the Yanks lineup, I give the nod to Beltran here THE WINNER- Carlos Beltran

Corner Outfield: This is no contest, Matsui, Damon and Abreu have been great this season for the Yanks. They have hit for average, driven in runs and all have excellent On Base Percentages. The Mets corner outfield has been an unmitigated disaster this season. Church has been great but he is suffering from Eric Lindros disease and who knows when/if he comes back this season. Moises Alou, was scheduled to come off the DL today but he tore his ACL washing the dishes. Okay so that is not true, but would you honestly be shocked if you read this on espn.com in the next 25 minutes? Endy Chavez is a fun guy to watch but hes a poor man's Joey Gathright. Winner- Mets

Catcher: This category will also not yield a winner. Jorge has been hurt for almost half of the season to this point and Brian Schneider has also missed significant time with various ailments. Schneider seems to have worked out better than fans had hoped and Jorge has already hit a dramatic game tying home run in the 9th during Saturday's 12-11 win vs the Royals. WINNER- To be determined

Rotation: Both Rotations have been disappointing. The Mets prized off-season acquisition of Santana has worked out fairly well so far but it hasn't worked out quite as well as I and most others expected it too. Santana's 7-4 record is solid but you would expect better from the game's best pitcher in the watered down NL. However, the real problem for the Mets has been enigmatic Oliver Perez. Oliver Perez seems kind of like the Eli Manning of the Mets. He pitches great in big games but has the tendency to really inexplicably suck against inferior competition. John Maine has continued his ascension to all star status but Mike Pelfrey has only pitched well against the Dimitri Young and (Sox legend) Willie Mo Pena led Washington Nationals. If Pedro can pitch more like he did in San Fransisco Tuesday (6 innings 3 ers) and less like he did Sunday at San Diego (5ip, 4er) then he might give the Mets a solid 1,2,3 and take the burden off a collapsing Perez.

Now, deep breath Whiteboy............ The Yankees rotation is a complete and utter mess. Mike Mussina has been fantastic this season. He has an under 4 era and is 9-4. That sounds great right? Add to this the fact that Daryl Rasner has also been great fashioning an under 3 era in his 7 starts. The problem is.... WANG AND PETTITE HAVE BEEN AN UMITIGATED HORROR SHOW! Wang, after going 6-0 in April has been atrocious, not registering a single quality start in over a month. Pettite has been amongst the AL's worst pitchers over this same time period. Pettite reached the apex of awfulness Saturday allowing 10 ers to the freakin Royals. Joba should stabilize this staff once he his diapers are taken off and he actually pitches 6 plus innings. Still, with the return of Pedro for the Mets and the scary bad pitching of Wang and Pettite, the Mets rotation looks more promising than the Yanks pitching staff. Oh yea, the experiment of trying to rebuild the starting staff with Kennedy and Hughes has been somewhere between humiliating and nauseating (even though those two terms are not on the same continuum).
THE WINNER: THE Yankees

Bullpen: Both Pens are kind of similar now that Joba has joined the rotation for the Yanks. Both have excellent closers (though only one is great) and mediocre middle relief. Rivera, despite a terrible weekend vs the Royals has been un-hittable most of the season this season despite having less hair than some of our folliclly challenged staff (not me, I got the brown curls and Jew Fro working) and being on the wrong side of 35. Billy Wagner as usual puts together great stats but chokes in games the Mets really need to win. I'm sure every Met fan saw what happened on Sunday so I shan't rehash it here. The Mets probably have a stronger rest of the pen however. Duaner Sanchez and Pedro Feliciano are solid setup men while Farnsworth is a horrible 8th inning pitcher and Jose Veras is not yet proven he can be relied upon in that spot. Edwar Ramirez could use his changeup as the key to becoming the Yank's lefty specialist (this despite the fact that he is right-handed) because of the tailing action his changeup has away from lefty bats. The Mets have a good lefty in Feliciano but they have a head-case in Aaron Heilman. If the Mets avoid using him in the late innings of close games, their pen will be fine. However, I also think the Yanks pen will stabilize once they invoke the FarnsVerMO plan I previously advocated for. Overall, the Yanks pen has to be favored as the stronger one as it is anchored by the legend himself.....

THE WINNER is: The Mets

Overall: The Mets offense is what is killing them while the Yankees starting pitching is killing them. The Mets go in prolonged stretches of strong play and then sink back to mediocre play while the Yankees seem to more closely resemble a standard 500 team winning 2 then losing 2 and winning 3 then losing 3. Both Managers have made a lot of mistakes this year but Willie has had this same group for 4 years and should have figured out a better way to communicate with, utilize, and motivate them by now. The Mets offense and the Yankees pitching are not good enough to get them into the playoffs. However, given the lofty expectations put upon the Mets once they acquired Santana, I think the suckstastic champion must be the Mets given their losing record.

THE WINNER is: The Mets

What a Difference a Year Makes: Michael Strahan Tribute Pt. 2

I wish I were Michael Strahan. Or Ken Daneyko. Both of these guys were able to leave the field of play as champions. In Strahan's case, there's absolutely no reason to come back. He has achieved everything he possibly can in the sport. To paraphrase Brian Kenny from earlier today on 1050, uh, maybe you want to come back to win a Super Bowl? (Nah, 18-1 says hi.) Well maybe one more year and the network heads will offer you a pre-game studio spot. (Are you kidding me? He had this locked up years ago.) Well maybe you want the Giants' sack record? (Got that too.) Well maybe you want to come back and prove your hall of fame credentials? (Again, he had that years ago.) You can make a lot of money. (What's the point when it all goes to the wife?)

Strahan has accomplished nearly everything that one can hope to accomplish in the game of football. He leaves a winner, as one of New York's sports heroes. A man who was once a great individual player whose performance seemed to be inversely proportional to his team has brought Giant fans their first championship in what feels like an eternity. Now he joins the likes of Messier, Namath, Reggie, and Frazier; guys who can wear swastikas on their arms and still get a hero's welcome in New York.

As one of the bigger Giant fans in this area who is driving the train that's being tailgated by the bandwagon, allow me to be one of the many in this town to say thank you Mike, for returning the Giants to their rightful place as Super Bowl Champions. May you have a relatively alimony-free retirement.

The Strahan Legacy: What a Difference a Year Makes, Pt. 1

Very few professional athletes have changed their legacy by prolonging their retirement by one season like Michael Strahan. To illustrate this, we're going to give you two Strahan tributes: 1 had he retired before last season, and one for his current retirement.

Part 1: A Michael Strahan "Tribute" following a retirement announcement of September 1, 2007

So Michael Strahan retires with 132.5 sacks, 2nd on the Giants all-time to the man who literally invented the category. He was often the face of the franchise, his gap-tooth grin perfect for the bright lights of New York City. In Strahan, the Giants had a perennial pro bowler, and unarguably one of the most feared defensive ends of his time. Hell, the man broke the sack record.

But let's examine his legacy a little more closely, shall we? Sure, he was a great pass rusher, and he'll easily enter the Hall of Fame in his first few tries, but what was his legacy to the team? Well, first off, he has the most bogus claim to a record this side of Barry Bonds. What play comes to mind when football fans think of Michael Strahan? Sure, it could be a sack followed by his patented muscle flex, but isn't it more likely to be his record breaking sack of Brett Favre? And for what it's worth, fantastic pursuit by Strahan on that play, chasing after Favre just enough so that Favre could slide into him. Yup, that's Michael Strahan's big claim to fame. A sack record gift wrapped to him by Mrs. John Madden.

But what about the team success during this time? Well, he played for Dan Reeves, Jim Fassel, and Tom Coughlin. And he was a part of some very good teams, most notably the 2000 team that went to the Super Bowl. Lest we forget, the team also made the playoffs in '93, '97, and '02. So the '93 team had a good run, but let's focus on the '97 and '02 teams. Strahan was the leader and best player on both of these defenses. (Though a surprisingly good case can be made for Jason Sehorn in '97.) And how did the Giants' seasons end in '97 and '02? Historically embarassing. In '97 they blew a two score lead with roughly a minute left, and in '02 the team blew a 30+ point lead to Jeff Garcia, T.O and the 49ers. In both of these games, a simple defensive stop would've saved the game for the Gmen. And in both of those games, Strahan and his defense came up embarassingly empty. He's not the only guy to come up empty during those moments, but he was conspicuously present in body only in both of those games.

And let's delve further into this. Sure, Strahan has had some fantastic seasons with the Giants, but when did one of them coincide with great success for the Giants? His record setting season was 2001, where the Giants suffered a post-Super Bowl hangover, going 7-9. In fact his 4 greatest statistical seasons, with sacks in parentheses were '01 (22.5) '03 (18.5) '98 (15) '97 (14). Meanwhile, the Giants' record in those years were 7-9, 4-12, 8-8, 10-5-1. And in '00, '02? 9.5 and 11.0 respectively. Good numbers, but this certainly helps prove the theory that the less that Strahan did on the statsheet, the better the Giants were. And that, friends, will always be Strahan's legacy. A great player, who put up great stats, but never when the Giants needed them. The A-Rod of the Yankees, if you will.

Time for everyone's favorite quiz show sensation:

Guess which 1.5 of NY Area SUS Staff (Devo, White Boy, BH, Mahatma, MissMet, SHMUCK) has herpes!

Winner gets a free sticker. And 8 lifetimes worth of horrible images.

FarnsVerMo: The solution to the Yankees Pen issues

I'll keep this short to cater to all my ADHD brothers and sisters. Watching the last two games between the Yankees and their newest arch rival, the Kansas City Royals, I solved the Yankees bullpen problems. No, this solution can't make up for the gaping hole in the pen created by Joba's gradual movement towards being a real pitcher in the starting rotation. However, it can allow the Yanks to boast a formidable 7th, 8th and 9th inning attack and cater to their band of 6 inning warriors. Jose Veras has been outstanding this year. He has a blistering fastball, does not walk anybody and has a solid slider as well. He is emerging as the ideal setup man for the best pitcher in the game. The B.I.G. alerted me to the stats posted on YES that Kyle Farnsworth, yes the same Kyle Farnsworth who I told you sucks in a previous post, (Editor's note: Way to go out on a limb. In other news, A-Rod=good.) has an under 3 era in the 7th inning as a Yankee. This tells me that Kyle is too much of a pussy to handle 8th inning duties but when the pressure is off, he can be a reputable option.

So there you have it, Farns in the 7th, Veras in the 8th and Mo in the 9th. But I'm sure Brian Cashman in his infinite wisdom/ stubborness of trying to prove to everyone that his 3 year signing of Farnsworth was not a horrendous mistake, will keep forcing Joe to trot out Kyle in most 8th innings and leave the 7th to the disgrace to baseball that is Latroy Hawkins. Please Joe and Brian, it is time to implement FarnsVerMo.

Hot Time Summer In The City

I swear to God if 90 degree June days become a NY fixture, I'm moving to Edmonton, with an eye on Anchorage. I wasn't Daniela Hantuchova (pictured above) on Saturday night, if only because my nipples weren't as hard, but it was damn close.

Was in NYC on Saturday and Sunday on this, the weekend of the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Apparently it's impossible for white people to talk about the Puerto Rican Day Parade without referencing this Seinfeld clip.